Changing Lives with a Bang!
by melloschocolatecake
Summary: I died... I know, how original. But at least I skipped the baby stage! Thanks angel! Waking up as our favorite bomber can have some interesting results. Especially when it's a girl with the maternal instincts of a mama bear. Deciding not to join the Akatsuki, and instead meddle in the last place an Iwa nin should be: Konoha. Rated T for language and violence. Si!Deidara fic
1. Prologue

**Hello beautiful readers! The names Mello (not really but I go by that name on this site :3). Welcome to the first fanfiction that I actually had the guts to post.**

 **Warning: Language (mostly from me), and some OOCness, this was for fun, so I'm just gonna do my thing! ;P**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and thank god I don't, who knows what me or my friends would have done to the plot if I did!**

* * *

I use to think about how I would die quite a few times in the past. Being the overly paranoid person I was, I doubt it would have been from an accident. I've never driven a car in my life and I impulsively checked my stove to make sure it was off. No… my death was rather anticlimactic.

I died in my sleep.

…

The universe must think this is a joke. It really isn't all that funny either, I've heard of jocks dying in their sleep from cardiac arrest, but I'm not an athlete! I go on walks, sure, but you would never see me on a field in a uniform. The last time I was near a field someone kicked a soccer ball and it hit my face… I wasn't even playing at the time! My body was perfectly healthy, so why did my heart decided to rage quit life?! I would blame that slice of cheesecake I ate, but how could anyone say no to those things?

Turns out that the universe decided to have more fun messing with me. You know those fanfictions where someone gets reborn into an anime and have to go through the poop inducing stage of life that is infancy? Apparently, you can skip this feature if you adamantly tell an underpaid angel that you hate children until they fling you into a body just to get you to shut up. Thanks angel, at least I can skip the awkward encounters and temporary blindness… I swear I heard them say "you're welcome" that wasn't a compliment!

But I didn't mind either way, I believed in reincarnation so I was expecting a new life. Just not as soon as I did, and with my memories to boot. Woohoo! Maybe I can have a bigger impact on life with the knowledge that I retained. Or, just be lazy again. Yeah, I had some anime I needed to catch up on. Maybe my life will be normal? School, friends and maybe some romance for once? That'd be a nice change.

That is, until I realized where I was and more importantly WHO I was… damnit.

I died, my former body is just a husk, so you don't need to know my name, what my life was like, what my hopes and dreams were. Just know that the anime I got spat into had the biggest impact on my childhood. Something I spent years invested in the fandom and to this day still holds a place in my heart. Also that I am a woman, so…

"WHY THE FUCK AM I A MAN, UN?!"

* * *

 **I made this because I rarely see "self-insert becomes _" fics outside of the main trio, especially Sakura. So I decided to have some fun and make one where I became my favorite character.**

 **Reviews are loved, let me know of any mistakes I made and if you have ideas you'd like to share let me know! My friend who is also a Naruto fan is helping me with the main storyline, finding plot holes and such but I'm willing to take suggestions!**

 **I don't have a fixed schedule, I just started college so my plate will be full for a while. I'll try to post once a week though. Until then, peace out!**


	2. Realization

**Time for the actual story to begin!**

 **Warning: Rated for my dirty mouth and sassy nature. Some OOCness sprinkled in there too. I'm just going to be doing what I want. You have been warned :P Also spoilers!**

"blah" - talking

'blah' - thinking

 **Update 10/4/2017: Swapped all of the words "ninja" with shinobi or an alternate word**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did plot armor wouldn't exist and characters would drop faster than a wedding on Game of Thrones. (Too soon?)**

* * *

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that my skin felt _tight!_ Like trying to put on a new pair of skinny jeans two sizes too small tight. The agonizing feeling of having your very flesh constrict you was unbearable, flailing in whatever bed I was in, hoping to stretch a muscle or get use to a body that I knew for a fact was not mine. Nothing worked, I wanted to scream but my voice was lost, I wanted to die but my heart didn't stop. I didn't want to breath but my lungs forced in unwanted air. Reincarnation my ass, this was hell! Don't know how Orochimaru handled the whole body swapping fiasco, but I bet he'd be use to the pain by now. I was hot and cold at the same time. My brain frozen and my body on fire. I tried to fish for a solution while focusing on my breathing, all I could think of in my pain muddled mind was that a shower could fix this.

Pushing myself up on thin, but muscular arms I race to what I believed to be the bathroom. Ignoring the mirror I quickly stripped off the foreign clothes on me and jumped in the shower, turning the water on as hot as I could stand it. Almost like magic my new body relaxed, taking deep breaths I allow myself to adjust to the new slowly reddening skin.

Once my panic subsided and my skin no longer feeling like those torture traps teens call "skinny jeans" I decide to risk it and look at my body… It didn't take long to realize three big differences. First of all I was blond, not that I'm complaining I hated my old hair. Running a hand through the honey locks, my disappointment settled in when it felt wiry. Not at all silky like its appearance seems to sing out. Hope this place has Suave.

Secondly, I was short. I must be a child or a pre-teen at most. I could only guess because the shower head was way too high up for me. In my old life I could simply reach up and adjust it. Time to go through puberty again… woop-dee-doo. Like it wasn't fun the last time am I right? Yeah, didn't think so.

Sighing, ignoring the masculine tone in my voice as I had a deeper voice in my past life, I look down… big mistake.

"WHY THE FUCK AM I A MAN, UN?!"

Upon hearing that oh-so familiar verbal tic I smack a hand over my mouth. My heart raced, 'no...nonononono universe you did not put me in _THAT_ world in _HIS_ body!' Slipping on the floor and with a painful thud I land on the shower floor in disbelief, tears threatening to spill out as I choked on a sob. Then something bit my lip. My hand was on my lip… my goddamn hand bit my lip!

Pulling my hand away, I see my palm with the most smug grin on its… mouth. That was new, at least it didn't break skin. "You have got to be kidding, un. Shit I have his verbal tic." Propping my legs into a more comfortable position and slamming my head against the tiled walls with a groan my mind wonders, in any other scenario I would have jumped with glee, but not this.

I died, I was sent to the Narutoverse like some damn fanfiction and I'm Deidara of the fucking Akatsuki. My favorite character, but also someone I never wanted to be.

Realization decided to hit me like a mallet, "Wait… Akatsuki, when am I?!" Once the initial shock of having body parts a girl should definitely not have past by me, springing onto my feet I turn off the water and slipped my discarded clothes back on. The teal kimono should bring me comfort but I don't know when Deidara got his dark clothes. All I could do was pray Sasori wasn't in the other room ready to mock me about how I kept him waiting or how my flailing kicked a puppet.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I observe the room I was in, traditional Tatami mats covered the floor and a messy futon laid in the middle of the room. I must be in an inn, that or Deidara has a sweet place. Thankfully, no signs of the ginger Pinocchio. After raiding the room, the lack of the iconic black and red clouded coat and Deidara's headband being unslashed allowed most of my worries to slip away. I wasn't in the Akatsuki yet.

I could prevent that from happening. I can hide in a nice village and live a peaceful bloodless life. I could become an artist. I could possibly find someone nice and start a family and grow old…

Or I could change the plot and mess with people.

'So much could be prevented just by not joining the Akatsuki' My brain runs a mile a minute thinking of scenarios that happened because of Deidara. 'Gaara, the Sanbi, the fight against Sasuke… the suicide… his role in the war.'

I don't plan on dying young thank you very much! I'm gonna die at a ripe old age, just before I lose my marbles and whack the youngsters with my cane! And I most certainly will not let some Orochimaru-wannabe use me for his gain. Screw that!

But first, I need to figure out where I am. Gathering my stuff I leave the building -I later find out it's an inn- and explore the small town. Buying some breakfast of steamed rice and some fish at one of the local stores I resist the urge to sing the opening song from Beauty and the Beast with how... _small_ the place is. Everyone knows everyone and there is a distinct lack of shinobi besides myself and a couple teams. Seems like I'm near the border to the land of fire based on the fact I'm the only nin from Iwagakure, and the other shinobi having the leaf on their foreheads. Oh well, time to gather some info via eavesdropping on conversations! Using my new found shinobi ears I hear an old couple talking about a shrine and its… "artistic statues".

I snort, "as if they know art. They wouldn't know art if it blew up in their face, un." murmuring with a small chuckle before freezing. "Not even here for an hour in this world and I sound like Deidara already... Oh well," I sighed with a stretch "can't hurt to visit the shrine, un." Sliding out of my seat, I leave to see this shrine.

It didn't take long to find the shrine, hell it was the only place that looked well kept and had stairs! Oh dear God did it have stairs. This is why I never traveled, all the cool places had stairs! Nevermind the fact shinobi are basically enhanced humans, doesn't mean I know how to act like one. I barely understand how I make clay sculptures just by clenching my fist a few times. ( **AN: Deidara never sculpts, he just... squeezes the clay?** **They never show how he makes the shapes** )

As I walked up the stairs, the many… many stairs my gut tightens as I begin to recognize the architecture of the building. 'This is… shit, it's that shrine.' Stopping in my track I crane my neck up to look at the impressive building. High walls and monstrously scary idols litter the area, truly a building worth being called a Japanese shrine. As a fan of Japanese culture, the beauty brought a smile to my lips, but only for a moment. 'Okay Deidara, now is not the time to admire the building. Now's the time to run like hell.' As I begin to turn to walk away my inner Po kicks in at the sight of all the stairs... That I already climbed… and I would have to walk down after all my hard work. I really do make Shikamaru look like gold medal athlete.

"... Well a quick visit won't hurt. I doubt it's THAT day, un." Narrating to myself always seems to calm me down for some reason. That or I just like hearing myself talk haha.

Nearing the last few steps my hearts plummets, sweat forms behind my headband and my hands almost automatically grabbed the clay in my pouch to fiddle with. Inside the shrine are three very familiar heads… or rather the back of them. Black and red coats, all dangerous, and the most awesome people to enter my childhood.

The Akatsuki are just a few meters in front of me.

As if sensing my presence the bastards have the nerve to dramatically turn at once to me. 'Damn you villians for being so cool, and dammit Itachi stop looking so sexy! Wait, I'm Deidara now, bad Deidara! Stop staring at the drool worthy Uchiha! Wait they're talking to me.' Snapped out of my thoughts at hearing Itachi's… smooth… velvet voice… 'STOP DROOLING OVER HIM WO- man… I mean... _DAMMIT BRAIN_!'

"-join the Akatsuki." Itachi finished, at least I think he said something before that. I must look like an idiot just standing there with a dead fish expression. At last, I found my voice.

And let me tell you this, the first thing I said was so graceful, so majestic, it would go down in history as the greatest answer ever.

"Sorry cutie, those colors clash with my hair, un." With a wink and a smug smirk, I dropped a handful of clay spiders that I guess Deidara made before I took over and hightailed out of there. Lifting two fingers to my face I utter the one phrase I've been wanting to say the moment I realized who I am, "Art, is an explosion! KATSU!" The bombs explode and I leap down the stairs and into a nearby grove of trees. It'll take more than C1 to even put a scratch on a bunch of S-ranked criminals, meaning if I don't get away soon I'm potentially dead.

'Shit.. shitshitshit, fuck my life, need to hurry!' It took me a few moments to remember that I can make birds, quickly sculpting an owl and making it poof into a flyable size, hopping on. Just barely missing Sasori's tail aimed for my back, and flew off.

I didn't risk looking back, one look at Itachi and I would be done for. They wouldn't give up so easily, Pein wants Deidara to be Sasori's partner. Too bad for them that I'm Deidara now. And I'm not about to deal with them knowing that later on I would get stuck with Tobi. Die. And then have the supposed idiot turn out to be an Uchiha bent on practically destroying the world. Nu uh, I'm going to go someplace where I'm either gonna change lives, cause absolute chaos, or get killed on sight. Universe don't fail me now!

"Now… where is Konoha, Un?"

 **3rd person POV**

Meanwhile, back with the Akatsuki...

Sasori returns, empty handed and in a worse mood than before. First he had to wait hours for some brat to show up, then said brat had the nerve to flee. "He got away" Sasori stated plainly, like talking about the weather.

"We will find him another time." Itachi returned the bland tone, currently focused on his partner whose arms were folded and had a contemplative look on his face.

Now Kisame was a simple person, once focused on something, it won't leave him until he speaks up. "Neh… Itachi-san?" Kisame finally looks at his smaller partner, not sure if he will regret this question or not. "Did the kid call you a 'cutie'? I thought Deidara was male."

Dead silence, not even the crickets chirped.

"... hn" not bothering to respond to that, Itachi instead turns into dozens of crows and scatter.

Sasori grumbled in annoyance "brats…" before leaving to report to leader about the failure to recruit the annoying bomber.

* * *

 **Hey guys! Mello here! Yep! Deidara does not join the Akatsuki, as awesome as it may be, there is not much to be done if he kept to the plot. At least going to Konoha he has a chance of changing the course of events. I might have Dei join the akatsuki later on, because Sasori will need a partner still. Let me know what you guys think!**

 **Incase people wonder why I never gave the self-insert a name: Mainly because I don't think it's necessary at the moment. I don't want to post my actual name here but know that this is me and everything I have Deidara say and do is exactly what I would have done minus the cutie bit. I did that out of boredom, though Itachi is pretty easy on the eyes. ^-^**

 **I will be referring to my SI as a "he" during the narratives even though she is a girl because Deidara is a male, and it would get confusing constantly swapping gender pronouns. I will, however, have my SI refer to herself as a female in her head until she gets use to the idea of being a male.**

 ** **Also I will be constantly fixing these chapters of grammar mistakes or my overall goofs, if you see a goof, please let me know so I can fix it!****

 **Reviews are loved and I'll see you all next time.**

 **Bye~! :3**


	3. Konoha

**Holy crap you guys are amazing. Thirteen follows and nine favorites? Made my little heart soar! X3**

 **Thank you all, and thanks RealistIze for the review. You all gave me motivation to make this chapter and put it out faster than I originally planned.**

'blah' - thinking

"blah" - talking

* - explanation at the bottom (not needed to read the story though)

 **Update 10/4/2017: Replaced the word "ninja" with shinobi or an alternate word**

 **Warning: Language and violence, Dei's gonna be gushing over cute stuff. If you aren't prepared for that beware! XP**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did the fillers would contain actual character development, or more Akatsuki screen time.**

* * *

It took a good ten minutes before I realized my mistake. No, I didn't forget anything. Yes, I have no idea where Konoha is, but I'm guessing any travelers I see would give me directions. No, it was something worse...

I called Itachi cute. I called _Uchiha Itachi_ CUTE!

I'm now doing a very convincing impersonation of an armadillo. Doesn't matter that I'm fifty feet in the air with no one to see my internal dismay; I still wanted to curl up somewhere and die of embarrassment. Why oh why did I say that! I already have a loose tongue as it is, putting me in Deidara's body means I have four times the mouths! Being a fangirl doesn't help either.

"Universe! If you can hear me now, please give me a distraction! I'll even take a run-in with Jiraya and have a twenty minute conversation about how girly I look, un. ANYTHING!" I pleaded to no one in particular, I never pray to any deity, just the universe… because I swear the thing hates me.

Thankfully, at least in this situation, it likes to prove me wrong. Not even a minute after I made my plea I heard the sounds of kunai clashing. Oh goodie a fight! Landing my bird and stuffing it in my pocket after making it a figurine again, I head over to the noise.

Observing the fight I couldn't believe my luck! A Konoha genin team was fighting a handful of... Takigakure* jonin? I click my tongue, bunch of big adults fighting eleven year olds. We can't have that now can we?

Taking some clay I quickly make some frogs, making sure that they can stick onto surfaces. I refuse to make spiders, spiders are creepy and gross and I don't care how cute Deidara's are I refuse to make them! Hiding in some bushes the clay frogs innocently hop into the battlefield. The entire fight stops almost comically upon seeing those soulless eyed amphibians hop over. Hop...hop...hop… then suddenly the frogs shoot out pale white tongues and attach themselves to the Taki nins. Wrapping their long limbs around the men's legs and torso, one guy even had a frog on his face. Lucky for him I don't know how to mimic the mucus... yet. I wonder if I can find a poison that works with the clay...

I had to keep myself from laughing at the little dance the Taki nins were doing trying to get my bombs off. Too bad for them that I made the frogs as stubborn as me on a bad day. "What the hell are these things?!" One of them shrieked. That made me pause in my concealed laughter. 'Things? Oh hell no. You did not just call my ART things!'

Oops, did I say that out loud? Everyone's looking at my hiding spot. No use staying hidden then. Slowly standing up I put on a cool expressing as my hands connect with my hips. If I wasn't so short I would look like a mother catching their kid eating cookies before dinner.

Another Taki nin proceeded to laugh, albeit nervously seeing my headband. Good, they must know about the explosion corp and what Iwagakure shinobi are capable of doing; wish I knew too. "Art? Kid, these are the ugliest things I have ever se-" poor guy didn't get to finish his sentence before I blew him up with a hearty "KATSU!" Well, that shut them up pretty quickly. Even the Konoha jonin quickly put his genin students behind him protectively.

Oddly, the fact that I just killed someone with the highest level of apathy should be concerning to me. But I think I'm just desensitized to the whole thing, helps that I binged watched all of Game of Thrones and this world still looks like an anime to me. But I doubt I could stab someone, it's best that I fight long range; with some exceptions I'd like to keep my new hands relatively blood free.

Without warning I turn to the Konoha nins, talking directly to the jonin as I keep my hands ready to blow the others up. I can't tell if the genin are staring at me with fascination, or the same way a horror movie protagonist looks at a killer after shooting them.

"Need these guys alive, un?" The jonin folds his arms in contemplation before nodding. Oh? The silent type? ( **AN: not really, the authoress just doesn't feel like typing the conversation** ) Why do I feel like there is a voice in the back of my head?

Trying not to express my disappointment I nod, "Then can I at least join you guys to Konoha? I have a friend there I haven't seen in forever, un." Lying, at least in my opinion seemed the only logical way to get them to agree. If they believed that I knew someone it would be less suspicious for an Iwa nin. I need to get into Konoha, helping a genin team could work in my favor. Missing nin or not, I DID help out, that should at least eliminate the whole "kill on sight" option at the gates and hopefully the worst that happens is that I get arrested or sent to the T&I building.

Before the Jonin could question me the team's only kunoichi pipes up "Sure! We were heading back there. Right Sensei?" oh god this girl is so cute looking up at the jonin with sparkling eyes. No wonder the silent shinobi nodded in agreement. How can you say "no" to- 'okay brain stop rambling I think we get it!'

* * *

 **Time skip! Weeeeee!**

* * *

Remember how I said I hated kids? Yeah, I hate kids. I am the most maternal person I know that isn't an actual mother but even I have my limits. I will jump in front of a gun to protect a child, hold them when they are sad and whisper sweet nothings, be a role model and teach them about life, but that won't stop me from wanting to punch their lights out. The genin next to me happens to be one of those types of kids. It doesn't matter to me if he is close to my age physically, mentally I'm an adult woman who's tired of the universe's bullcrap.

"What village are you from? Hey are you a shinobi? What's your name? My names Daiki it means impressive! Pretty cool right? Can you do jutsu? What was that you did to that shinobi? Why is it called art? How old are you? I'm eleven! Why do you say 'un'?" shutupshutupshutup! This Daiki kid won't shut up! He's Tobi-hyper mixed with Naruto's Talk-no-Jutsu. He's skipping next to me! SKIPPING!

Resisting the urge to blow someone up I clear my throat. Instantly making the boy quiet, waiting for a response. "Iwagakure. Yes. Deidara. Cool. Yes. My art. Cause it's my art, art is a fleeting moment gone in the blink of an eye, un. I'm about the same age as you. It's a verbal tic, un." Damn someone pat me on the back I said that all in one breath. Now, please shut this kid up.

Thankfully the kunoichi points towards some gates yelling "We're here!"

Sighing with relief I stick to the team long enough to get inside and watch some ANBU take the Taki into custody. Izumo and Kotetsu give me questioning looks, but the jonin flashed some kind of sign to them, I'm betting he told them that I would be dealt with later or he would alert the Hokage. Either way I managed to enter Konoha just by being quiet and cooperative. Bowing to the now eyeing-me-suspiciously jonin and saying goodbye to my new "friends" I hightailed out of there like a chicken with its butt on fire. It won't be long before ANBU are on my ass too so I need to figure out a plan and fast.

And then something hit my nose. Not a fist, or a pole, but a rich smell that has never reached me before. Noodles, broth and cooked meats. Hope rising to the heavens my head turning to the source as my fears of Anbu melt away.

Ichiraku's ramen stand.

...Screw ANBU I'm about to eat something every Naruto fan has dreamed of eating!

Making a beeline for the stand I quickly pause and made sure I had enough money. Pleased seeing that I had plenty I enter the stand with a dorky grin on my face.

Almost instantly I was greeted with a "Welcome! What can I get'cha?" from the one and only Teuchi.

Trying not to drool I sit on a stool. I rarely eat ramen, the bowls tends to be too big for me, but I had to try this stuff, "miso pork ramen please, un." A nod later and some momentary silence an all too familiar voice appeared right next to me.

"Hey old man! I'll have the usual dattebayo!"

Oh my sweet baby Jesus can I get any luckier? Looking to my right I see that iconic blond hair, sky blue eyes, but no orange jumpsuit. Naruto's tiny frame is instead covered with a white shirt and some blue shorts. It took all my nerve not to jump on him and smother his face with love and affection, he's so tiny and cute! 'Whoa there Deidara, calm yourself down. Hug him now and the ANBU that watch him will be on your ass faster than you can say "art"'

Seems my staring didn't go unnoticed, as said tiny blond is now frowning at me.

"What'cha lookin' at lady, dattebayo?" ( **AN: no idea how often he says this as a kid** )

Turning my head, Naruto almost instantly looks away, as if expecting to be yelled at or hit. 'Poor kid…' Smiling softly, I let out a deep chuckle, startling Naruto into attention. "I'm looking at you, also I'm a man kid. Remember that, un."

Woohoo I managed to make the shrimp sputter "B-b-b-but you're way too pretty to be a man! How is that possible dattebayo?!" Must… resist… urge… to steal chibi….

I shrug, pretending that I'm not having an inner battle. "I look like my mom, un." At least I hope I look like Deidara's mother. Either that or he had one cute dad.

Naruto blinked, confused "Oh…" silenced waved over until the ramen arrived. "Thanks old man!" Without hesitation, the younger blond began eating with gusto. Blink once and he's already a third done; that bowl's the size of his damn torso!

Cautiously, I took some chopsticks and proceed to try the ramen… well to all the Naruto fans out there: IT'S AS GOOD AS YOU THINK! There is a reason why this is his favorite kind!

It took all of my restraint to not vocally express my joy eating this delicious food. The broth was salty, but savory. The noodles were thick and soaked in the broth and the meat. Oh god the meat, juicy pork perfectly cooked to a beautiful white on the inside and outside browned with miso. Now I can see why cooking is considered an art. It's fleeting AND edible. And there's naruto* in my ramen too! How cute!

I guess Naruto noticed my enjoyment. I have a habit of pinching my face with a smile when I eat something tasty.

"Yuff nefer haf," he swallowed his mouthful of noodles before continuing "ramen before?"

Mid-head shake I ended up receiving Naruto's infamous ramen rant. Boy, can this kid talk, at least he doesn't play twenty questions. Who knew there was so many kinds of ramen?

"And then there's beef rame- hey! You're a shinobi!" Naruto proceeds to shout while pointing at my face, making me go cross-eyed. He likes to state the obvious huh?

Slowly moving Naruto's appendage from my face, I nod "Yeah, I'm a jonin* from Iwa, un…"

Oh god, I should have kept my mouth shut, the shouting was instant. Teuchi seems use to this by now, as he just resumes his cooking with a happy grin. Good for you dude, my ear is about to bleed.

"So you ARE a shinobi! I knew it, dattebayo! I don't know where this 'Iwa' is but can you teach me some cool jutsu?! I'm in the academy but all we learn is boring book stuff, dattebayo. I can't get stronger without more training and all the teachers focus on that teme Sasuke. Please nii-san*?!" Impressive kid, all in one breath.

Wait…

He called me "nii-san"

This adorable, precious kit called me nii-san… and wants ME to train him.

"Um… kid, how about we talk about this elsewhere after we eat, un." I quickly looked over my shoulder, call me paranoid but I'm certain we were being watched. If I needed to make a break for it, I'd rather it be somewhere more open with less civilians.

Naruto nods with determination. Damn, he really wants me to be his sensei. "And my name's not 'kid' it's Uzumaki Naruto! AND I'M GONNA BECOME THE STRONGEST SHINOBI IN THE VILLAGE AND BE THE NEXT HOKAGE! THEN EVERYONE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE ME DATTEBAYO!" I'm dying on the inside. I just got the famous Hokage statement. Naruto, when you are older please use the Talk-no-Jutsu, I have to hear it in person.

Smiling with a pleased hum I simply nod in acceptance "Then you better work hard, Naruto-kun." I state sagely before returning to my ramen, not noticing those big blue eyes staring at me in awe.

* * *

 **Deidara's gonna have field day with all of the chibis he's going to encounter. If there is anyone in particular you want him to meet let me know! I already have plans for Sasuke but the rest are up to chance. Next chapter will develop Dei's and Naruto's relationship along with Hiruzen learning that a missing nin is prancing around Konoha. Yes there are ANBU watching right now, there's no way Deidara could walk around unsupervised, but since he helped that team they are giving Dei a chance. But only one.**

 **Quick explanation about the whole "universe" thing: it's a joke between my friend and I, whenever I get bad luck we blame the universe. I didn't want to use a god/goddess for this story as that's just not me. So, we have the universe!**

 **Yes, Daiki did not have a single pause in his questions, I have met a number of kids who talk like this and trust me, it's just as annoying in person as it is on paper.**

 **In terms of age I'd say Naruto is about seven, soon-to-be eight while Deidara is eleven. It's hard to pick out a good age as there is no official dated timeline besides the timeskip between Naruto and Shippuden and the battle against Obito.**

Takigakure - Hidden waterfall village, Kakuzu's village. I didn't know which one to use so I just picked one at random.

Naruto- Deidara's ramen had fish cakes in it, hence the name.

Jonin- They never truly say what rank Deidara was in except that he was in the explosion corps, so even though Deidara is around eleven I made him a Jonin. They never explain how shinobi systems work outside of Konoha, Suna and Kiri (excluding chunin exams). So for all we know Iwa could be pretty tough on their shinobi and they climb the ranks faster.

Nii-san - In Japan it's common for children to call people with family terms but they have different meanings, like "nee-chan" for a young woman can mean "miss". I don't know what are the rules for nii-san, but I'm having Naruto call Deidara that because he doesn't know the bomber's name yet and also because my friend and I thought it would be adorable. This is in character for Naruto as he calls Tsunade baa-chan and has called young women (and Haku) nee-san/chan.

 **Reviews are loved and I'll see you all again in the next chapter!**

 **Bye! :3**


	4. Acceptance

**Oh sweet Kami this chapter is long! X_x I had a lot that I wanted to put in here and it got a bit out of hand. Sorry about that, hope you all don't mind.**

 **Speaking of which, thank you so much for the follows and the favorites, they truly give us writers insparations.**

 **To answer/respond to some reviews regarding Deidara going into the village: Yep! I used plot armor no jutsu! I promise I will try to keep these to a minimum, but honestly it is nearly impossible to write ANYTHING, book or fanfiction without giving the main character some kind of invincibility. So I'll just be poking fun at it from now on! :P**

'Blah' - Thinking

"Blah" - Talking

 **Update 10/4/2017: Replaced the word "ninja" with shinobi**

 **Update 4/12/2018: OCD saw some grammer issues so I fixed a couple of them. Nothing else of note on that matter.**

 **Warnings like usual: I have a dirty mouth, I insult old people, I'm motherly to the point of violence. People will have OOC moments and… OH! There are some emotional moments here! I don't always write for shits and giggles.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did Gaara's teddy bear would make Easter Egg appearances**.

* * *

"RACE YA TO THE PARK DATTEBAYO!" Naruto all but screams out, racing in a random direction. Without hesitation my mind goes into a motherly frenzy.

'What if he falls? What if he runs into something?!' Cupping my hands over my mouth, "NARUTO-KUN WAI-" A small breeze blew past me. Followed by two quick pricks to my arms and some kind of tag smacking my back.

Oh goodie, the ANBU showed up.

One with a dragon mask spoke, it's a woman's voice, "Deidara of Iwagakure, the Hokage wishes to speak with you. Your cooperation is mandatory." What a nice way of saying that if I make a scene, I'm dead.

My arms begin to tingle and feel heavy, dropping them my brain begins to race 'Poison?! Seriously?! POISON?!' All I could do was give my best WTF face before sighing, even my chakra was sealed. No point in running. "Fine, un."

I quickly look in the direction of where Naruto was, hoping to tell him that I will catch up with him later. Only, the hyper child was nowhere to be seen.

Naruto's not going to be happy seeing that I'm gone. Hopefully I live long enough to blame the old man on this.

* * *

 **Skip!**

* * *

By the time we reached the Hokage tower my arms were completely numb, I'm pretty sure any minute now my palm mouths will start drooling due to a lack of muscle control. The precautions they took on me are borderline ridiculous yet, understandable.

Entering a room that was not the Hokage's office, but rather seemed to be a lounge area with two large plush sofas and a table with a book on it. On the back wall was the photos of the previous Hokages, including Minato. The people in the room however, are what caught my attention.

Hiruzen, those two old farts that call themselves village elders, Ibiki, several ANBU and lastly the biggest asshole in the world…

Danzo.

Ooooohohohohoho, this is going to be fffffffffffun! Too bad I can't use explosives...

At first, no one spoke, then before gramps could open his mouth, Mr. Sharingan-Stealer speaks up.

"How did you get here?"

Pausing, my brain searched for a Deidara-like response. But then it dawned on me, they don't know me. And what people that don't know me learn very fast is that I am a literal person. Throwing caution out the window, I decide to see how long this game will last.

"Through the door, un." Good, I'm seeing anime sweatdrops.

However the geezer isn't amused. "I meant, how did you get into Konoha?"

"I walked in."

"How?" Someone sounds mad…

"Through the gate, un."

"Why would Konoha jonin allow an Iwagakure shinobi inside our village?"

If I could move my arms I would have shrugged, "Your security sucks. All I had to do was hang around some genin and I got a free pass inside." I hate plot armor and love it at the same time. It makes my life both easy and a living hell considering it's a fickle thing.

"You're a missing nin."

"And you're old."

"..."

"Sorry, I thought we were stating the obvious here, un."

"..."

Hiruzen, though holding in a chuckle at his old friend's struggles, takes over the conversation with a cough, "I believe what Danzo is trying to ask is, what is your purpose coming to Konoha? We are aware that you are a bomber for hire, yet you tend to stay clear of larger countries." Well since it's YOU asking gramps, I'll answer properly.

Only… I didn't know what to say. If it was just the Hokage I could possibly plead my case about being reborn. But not with Danzo in the room. The moment he learns I hold information I'll find myself in ROOT faster than I can even say "ROOT". Then again… I did have a story I could use.

"I was confronted by an organization called the Akatsuki..." I paused, waiting for a reaction. There was none. "They wanted me to join, but I refused and fled, un. I thought Konoha would be a good option to hide in. Though judging by the welcome I thought wrong, un." I give a sharp glare to the dragon ANBU in the room. I can almost see her smirking, asshole.

I guess Ibiki was there to be a walking lie detector, cause once I said my piece everyone looked at him. All they got was a nod and he was then promptly forgotten.

The elder lady spoke up "And why, pray tell, should it matter to us what the Akatsuki want? They're just mercenaries."

Wow, was this lady serious? "Because I met one of YOUR shinobi. Black hair, around my age, lines on his face." I deadpanned, though amused when the tension began to form. Good, they now understand the situation.

"Why didn't you join them?" Again it was the woman, I need to learn her name.

"I don't see how that's important. I chose not to, that's all that matters, un." I wish I could fold my arms right now.

Hiruzen quickly understood that if he wanted me to talk, it would have to be one-on-one. Taking a breath from his pipe he sighs, but was once again interrupted by the mummy-man. Rude much?

Leaning forward on his cane, his closed eye bore into mine. "We were told you talked with Uzumaki Naruto, what were you talking about to him?"

Now, that caught me off guard, sure I knew Danzo was a blabber-mouth, but I'm a missing nin for Kami sake! At least refer to him as a "Konoha child" or "small boy", as creepy as that sounds it at least keeps his importance to a minimum!

"We talked about ramen, he wants me to train him, called me 'nii-san' and you all owe him an apology because I was forced to ditch him, un. Why? What's so special about him?" I was met with silence.

So, I continued "Honestly, he has trusting issues, all I had to do was give him some attention and he latched onto me like an abandoned baby monkey. Didn't anyone teach him the importance of 'stranger danger', un? He doesn't even know my name yet. Not that he gave me a chance to do that, once he saw my headband he went bonkers, un." I tilt my head in fake confusion, was he so loved deprived that he would cling to a random person? Yes, yes he was, but I want them to admit it. I want them to acknowledge their mistakes, if only it was that easy.

Hiruzen cleared his throat uncomfortably, probably understanding my subtle hints "Naruto… is an orphan. But I have to agree with Danzo here, as long as you are in this village we cannot let you be near him… or any of the other academy students." He quickly added, trying to cover up his slip.

I understand that I am physically a male, but that doesn't stop maternal instincts. If I had gone to Suna I would have already kidnapped Gaara to raise him better than his father "tried" to do. And these guys want me to stay away from Naruto, who had even LESS than Gaara? If that was the case then someone should have taken him in, Kurama or not damnit!

You know what…

Fuck self-preservation.

Pulling a face that I would guess to be realization, I open my mouth "Oh, I see now. He's this village's Jinchuriki huh?"

The chaos was almost instant.

A leg quickly kicks under my feet, and as I fell, a fist connected with my gut, making me cough, but even that was interrupted by a knee colliding with my jaw. Once I landed with a harsh thud, I only had enough time to dizzily look up as several kunai were held close to my vital spots. ANBU sure move fast.

Even the Hokage was on his feet. Let me guess, he's going to ask how I knew?

"How do you know?"

Because Shonen Jump anime characters are predictable. That's why.

"Because I was the Tsuchikage's student, I was taught to know these things, un. Iwa isn't the best place for children, so I can see abuse when it's there. He flinched when I looked at him and even when smiling he had a cautious look in his eyes. Meaning his reactions and sudden attachment either means he's bullied, neglected or abused, un." I stated with disgust, how could they treat an innocent kid in such a way? "None of you helped in this either. An orphan boy is special enough that he must be mentioned to me by name, and told I must stay away from him? I heard that slip up, I'm young but not stupid, un."

Seeming to accept my answer Hiruzen sat down, but doesn't remove the ANBU, at least not yet. I barely see him motion to the book on the table, which Ibiki wordlessly opens and places in front of my face to read with a smirk.

It's a bingo book. With Deidara's page staring back at me.

I can only understand some kanji and the hiragana, but I made out things like "stolen" and "destroy", but what got me was the kanji for person and the number by it.

Deidara killed a lot of people for an eleven year-old.

Suddenly, I no longer found this situation amusing, I no longer found my apathy for that Taki shinobi normal. I knew I was in the body of a murder… but these numbers…

I'm going to be punished for these crimes if I don't think fast… this was to force me to acknowledge them. Bile began to burn my throat as I was forced to swallow it back down to hold whatever pride I may have left in this situation.

This is why it's rarely a good thing to be stuck in the body of a villain, all their actions become yours and you face their consequences. Whether you want to become good or not is all a matter of who you end up meeting. At the moment, I no longer wanted to be in the world of my childhood dreams...

'I wish I was home.'

 **Hiruzen's POV**

Something was off about Deidara, based on the bingo book, he shouldn't care about Naruto. In fact, the bomber should be yelling at us, threatening to blow us up with his "art". But instead here is a pre-teen with too much information on his hands to be let free.

A pre-teen that looks to be on the verge of tears?

I furrow my brows and look at my friends in confusion. Was he showing... regret? Or was this a facade? I had to test him.

"Your crimes could very well sentence you to death. What do you have to say for them?" For a while, the blond didn't speak, or move minus the subtle trembling and the twitching of his fingers, indicating the poison wearing off due to a low dosage. Finally, he spoke.

"... Is there a way to atone for my actions…?"

I sat there stumped, usually when a missing nin is captured, they hold their heads high and laugh or beg for mercy. Never have I seen someone ask for redemption.

Then again, it wasn't wrong to request such a thing. Many of Konoha's own shinobi have done worse actions and faced little to no law based consequences. Granted, most of them were due to missions. Though I thought back my students, and how I let Orochimaru, who experiments on his own comrades get away.

Danzo was quick to stomp down on the blond's hope. "You flatten villages for revolutionists, murder people for enjoyment, and expect forgiveness? How undignified and selfish." He did have a point, Deidara has killed many people.

Then again, so did Uchiha Itachi, because we gave him no other choice.

Deidara is no Itachi, he stole a forbidden jutsu to become stronger, and his teacher branded him a traitor. Deidara had a choice and he picked it. But I'm not sure what I would have done if one of my students did something like that…

Oh, I do know. I let one them away with it, and to this day I regret my actions. But this child, if I am to believe what I'm hearing, wants to start over. Orochimaru just kept following his bloody path.

'I'm becoming too soft for my own good.' Aware of the lecture to follow after this meeting I take a long drag from my pipe then exhale "Now Danzo, as much as I want to agree with you, I believe in chances when it is wanted." All eyes snap to my attention. Even Deidara was hanging on every word I said.

Only time will tell if I'll regret my actions or not.

 **Deidara's POV**

Blinking through my tears that were forming I wasn't sure if I should feel blessed or afraid.

A second chance? Why would I get a second chance? I mean, I'm grateful but this is Deidara we are talking about. I'm not even a Konoha shinobi…

Then again, Orochimaru has done worst, and he got off scot free. And Danzo… speaking of Danzo, the Hokage wanna-be is adamant on making sure I'm killed.

"Hiruzen you soft fool, don't let this be a repeat of Orochimaru!" Ouch, comparing me to that snake is low, at least I don't dream about younger boy's bodies and I actually want to become a good guy.

Suddenly the heavy pressure of chakra filled the room, it was becoming a struggle to breath. If I wasn't already on the ground I would have collapsed from the sudden change. Trying to find the source I quickly realize it was Hiruzen.

"We are at a time of peace Danzo! I will not have a child's blood be spilt without giving them a fair chance!" Hiruzen looked livid, and Danzo quickly stopped arguing. I must have "meep"ed because everyone's attention focused back onto me.

Quickly, the fierce glare soften, gramps cleared his throat again "You will have your chakra sealed to genin level, you will be allowed to participate in D-rank missions. You will be under 24/7 surveillance from our elite shinobi and ANBU. If you try to bring harm to the village they will detain you and more than likely kill you. At night you will be locked under guard in a cell until you are deemed trustworthy." Well at least I won't cause public outrage from neighbors.

"Under no circumstance will you be allowed near the academy, intelligence building, clan compounds, or the forty-fourth training ground without permission from someone of jonin rank or higher or by the clan HEADS themselves, not their heirs and heiresses. I will give you a series of missions every few weeks to prove yourself and," he pauses, thinking of anything else. "You and I will have a one-on-one conversation after one month. I will allow you to speak to villagers, including Naruto and I will allow you to train at a genin level under supervision."

He must have seen the relief wash over my face because now he's chuckling in my direction. I can spend time with the kit, and while I'm basically on pins and needles I have more freedom than I thought. At least I won't end up dead.

"Of course, I will be speaking to the Tsuchikage about these terms. If he has more demands I will have no choice but to follow them." I felt myself nod, I had no reason to complain. At least Hiruzen understands that I'm willing to redeem Deidara, not to mention save my own neck for his actions.

I found the Tsuchikage part odd, why would Hiruzen need to speak to him? Then it clicked, what if the old man found out that I was here? It could cause political problems if the Hokage didn't at the very least inform Deidara's former teacher. As long as he doesn't demand that I return to Iwagakure I'm fine with it all. I'd sooner join the Akatsuki then go there and potentially die.

"I accept Hokage-sama. I am at your mercy." The ANBU remove themselves from my person and I'm yanked to my feet. My arms are still useless but at least I can move. Quickly someone used fuuinjutsu on me, and while I can feel my chakra, there is a lot less than my normal reserves. One by one everyone leaves and I begin to fidget. 'Who is suppose to watch over-'

"You summoned me, Hokage-sama?"

That voice, hallelujah do I know that lovely voice anywhere. Turning my head I lock eyes… well eye, with every Naruto fan's favorite masked shinobi. And no it's not Tobi.

Hatake Motherfucking Kakashi!

'Someone pinch me I have to be dreaming!' Oh how I wish my best friend was with me, she would have flipped her lid. (AN: Fact. Kakashi is her #2 right behind Itachi!) Oh, hi voice- annnnddd it's gone again.

I had to suppress my excitement at the sight of this powerful shinobi. The man was suppose to watch over me and possibly attack if I make one wrong move, and with the sharingan there is no way in hell could I beat him.

A voice behind me spoke up, it was gramps, "Hello Kakashi, seeing how you failed your genin team AGAIN-" I snort at that, "I've decided to give you a month-long mission." He motions to me, "This is Deidara, a missing nin who is to be under constant surveillance, I'm sure you know of him. You will be in charge of him during the day. At night the ANBU will take over."

Kakashi begins to loom over me and I can feel myself doing that anime shrinking technique, that or my knees are giving out. I'd much prefer to picture myself turning into a chibi. 'Need to break the ice… say something cool! Something powerful!'

"C-could you t-take me to Naruto, un? H-he should b-be at a p-park." I squeaked out like a tiny mouse. So much for first impressions, I don't do well with tall people okay?!

Kakashi smiled his famous eye-crinkle smile, obviously enjoying this moment, "Sure kid, just… don't do anything you might regret. Wouldn't want you dead on the first day." With that he turned and began to leave.

With a sigh I bow to the Hokage and give Danzo a rude hand gesture, earning a laugh from the former.

Gramps, I won't let you down. I'll make sure Naruto gets stronger and has someone to look after him. And Danzo…

You better pray I don't learn C4, and even more so if I learn to control it better than Deidara ever did...

Because once I'm finished with you, all that will be left is Shisui's eye.

* * *

 **Skipping through time!**

* * *

We reached a park about ten minutes later. I had to give Kakashi my wallet to buy fingerless gloves, the sudden change in gravity from standing made my palm mouths ooze out saliva so I needed to keep them shut. Gross. My arms were sluggish but I can at least move them now.

"My mom says not to play with you! She says you're a monster!" Well, I found Naruto, and he's being rejected by a bunch of kids. Watching the scene play out I see Naruto's head bow and his face morphing into disappointment. All he wanted was for people to acknowledge him, kids can be unbelievably cruel to one another.

Another boy pipes up, "You should drop out of the academy! I heard adults saying you'll fail anyway."

I saw red.

Kakashi quickly stepped to the side, not sensing killing intent he allows me to storm over with a "Go ahead, I won't be far behind." More than likely he knew my goal was to scare the piss out of them.

Grabbing the two brats by the front of their shirts I yank them up to my level, trying to suppress the tremble due to their weight. "Wanna repeat yourselfs you little shits?" Their friends begin shouting words, I guess it's their names. Who gives a fuck though?

The one that called Naruto a monster sputters "Y-y-you can't hurt m-me, my b-b-brother is a shinobi! He'll b-beat you u-up." oh? The big brother card?

I playfully tilt my head with Deidara's trademark grin, "Oh? I'm a jonin who blows up my enemies." The kid pales, "Tell your 'b-b-brother' to come at me, in fact tell him to bring all his little friends. I'll kick their asses then yours." Dropping him, I look at all his friends, now they look scared.

"Think Naruto's a monster? Remember this, my name is Deidara, and if he's a monster, than I'm a demon." Dropping the other shithead I slowly remove my gloves and raise my arms to show my palm mouths grinning at them, one having its tongue sticking out. They scream and run off calling for their moms. Serves them right.

Turning on my heel I'm greeted with big blue eyes GLARING at me, if looks could kill or if he had the sharingan I would be dead.

I gulp, "Naruto-kun..?"

"You ditched me, dattebayo…" Naruto's face became overwhelmed with tears and his lower lip trembled. Nonononono please don't cry!

"... I-"

"YOU LEFT!" I reeled my head back as Naruto began to scream into my face, "YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO TALK! AND I LISTENED, DATTEBAYO! BUT WHEN I TURNED BACK YOU WEREN'T THERE! AND I… I thought… I thought…"

Okay, anger completely justified, but I still had to ask, "Naruto-kun, why are you so attached to me?" Guilt was filling inside me, I don't understand what I did to have him like me. I've never been a people person.

He lowers his head and sniffs, tears leak down his cheeks "Y-you… believed in my dream to-o be Hokage, and not counti-i-ing g-gramps y-y-ou don't treat me like a demon-n-n, dattebayo…" He takes a deep breath "A-and you l-look like you c-coul-l-ld be my broth-ther… b-because we l-look rela-a-ated..."

I broke, pulling Naruto into a tight hug, my own eyes beginning to feeling moist. He's thinner than I expected… Why are main characters always so mistreated-... no. This wasn't the main character of an anime, this wasn't the village hero; this was a lonely child whose whole life was full of hardship up until he becomes a shinobi. And I made him cry.

Now I feel like the asshole.

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun… I had to talk to some people… I've… done things I'm not proud of. Never believe people when they call you a monster because… if anyone is a monster it's me... I've killed people kid." I feel Naruto tense in my arms, but I continue "But the Hokage is giving me a second chance, and so I'll do whatever it takes to make up for the things I've done…"

I try to look at him, but my bangs block his face, "So, if a brother is what you want… I'll be that. I'll train you, watch and protect you, I'll give you so much love you'll be sick of me. I'm not perfect, but if you can forgive me for my faults… I think I can do my best for you." Suddenly small arms snake around my neck and the small body in my arms begins to shake.

Expecting more tears, I was surprised to find Naruto looking into my face with a cheeky grin. "Okay! But you gotta promise to train me, dattebayo!"

My own lips begin to tug into a small smile, he's too forgiving for his own good. Pulling away I hold my hand out to shake his. "Then let us start over, I believe you do not even know my name yet, un. My name is Deidara but call me whatever you wish."

Without missing a beat his small hand clasps mine and shakes it vigorously. "Uzumaki Naruto! And I'll call you Deidara-nii!" Next thing I knew I'm back in a crushing hug. With that one hug I knew things have changed.

The Deidara that kidnapped Gaara will never exist, the suicide bombing will never happen, the person that hated the sharingan with a passion is nothing more than a part of my memory. In its place is a Deidara who cares, who will try, who will protect. In place of the old Deidara is someone who will give Naruto the love and care he needs.

I'm going to change things, even if at the costs of going into the future blind.

As stated by Itachi himself: "That's what big brothers are for."

* * *

 **Pretty emotional stuff, I'm still learning how to write so hopefully I get better as the story goes along.**

 **So now Deidara has come to accept his fate and is fully prepared to face any consequences coming down the line. Honestly that is a natural cause when waking up in another body, there is no way to reset their actions, you just gotta suck it up and hope to fix things.**

 **As soft as Hiruzen is, of course he would keep Deidara locked up. Dei has done NOTHING yet to prove he is trustworthy, so he plans to keep the bomber on a tight leash. That is until a certain knucklehead catches wind. ;P**

 **As I say, reviews are loved and I shall see you all in the next chapter; where we shall see some events from another's perspective.**

 **Bye guys!**


	5. Perspective

**Hey everyone, I didn't know how I was going to skip to Deidara's first mission/the one-on-one talk. So I instead had an entire month pass via a sequence of short events from Kakashi's perspective. It's mostly in a diary/report format.**

 ** ** **Thank you guys for the follows, faves, and reviews!******

 ** **allykat5: oh yeah, they definitely like bloodlines.****

 ** **EgyLynx: Added a little segment for the Akatsuki at the end ;)****

 **Warnings: Potty mouths everywhere, Daiki is annoying, and violence.**

"Blah" - talking

'Blah' - thinking

 _Blah_ \- a change in time

" _Blah"_ \- English

 **Special announcement at the bottom!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did there would be less flashbacks of the same scenes.**

* * *

 **Kakashi's POV**

The first impression I got from meeting Deidara was that he was hiding something. Not only was he able to convince the Hokage to give him a second chance, but he almost seemed in his element the entire time. Then again, he was just pinned down by ANBU, even so he seems to be handling things well.

"C-could you t-take me to Naruto, un? H-he should b-be at a p-park." Ah, right, I spaced out. At first glance Deidara looked terrified, rightfully so. He even had a high squeaky voice. But that wasn't the case.

His eyes screamed excitment, like a kid getting an early birthday present excited. He didn't squeak because he was intimidated, he squeaked because he was trying to look cool but failed.

But looking into his eyes… eye, made me uncomfortable, it was too much like those that are long gone. People like Rin, or… or Obito, who could take one look at me and read me like an open book. I could hear a soundless speech being shouted from that eye as he patiently waits for me to answer him.

Deciding to give him a smile even though he can't see it, I finally spoke "Sure kid, just… don't do anything you might regret. Wouldn't want you dead on the first day." Again, he doesn't seem afraid, it was like he was expecting me to say something like that.

I'll have to keep a close eye on him.

* * *

Prepare to skip!

* * *

The kid's mouths drooled… no, not on his face, he has mouths on his HANDS! For some reason that was the least of my concerns when babysitting a missing nin. Bombing? Yes. Complete and utter chaos? Yes. Temper tantrums? Definitely.

But drooling palm mouths?

The bomber had me take his wallet and buy him gloves, something about "Not wanting to make a mess on the wooden floor, un." He wordlessly put on the clothing, effectively gagging the hands so they didn't ooze out saliva. And he stole the jutsu that gave him those…. Why? It's not worth the effort to ask.

Reaching the park, Minato-sensei's son, Naruto was being bullied by other kids… my mind slowly drifted to the faces of my former teammates as the past tried to flow back into my head looking at the kid. But that was quickly put to a halt when I saw Deidara's face.

He looked livid.

For some reason the aura this kid gave off was the same one Kushina would give Obito if she caught him skipping on meals to train. So, I calmly stepped to the side seeing as these civilian kids were in no danger besides some trauma.

"I won't be far behind." That's all Deidara needed to storm over there to deal with the bullies.

I calmly pulled out my book to enjoy a light reading. Opening my current page I let the words block out the tormented thoughts that haunt me... Heheheh~

 _A few moments later._

'Oh Mai-san, how lovely it is to see yo-'

"YOU LEFT!" I snapped my head from my book to witness Naruto screaming into Deidara's face. The older blond makes no move to argue or yell back, but exchanges some words with Naruto.

I almost went to step in when Deidara pulls Naruto into an embrace that was almost too familiar for people who just met. It was almost as if the missing nin has always known Minato's child even though they just met today. Those close to Naruto like the Hokage or even Teuchi, keep physical contact like hugs to a minimum and express their love through different ways. Yet here is a stranger hugging him.

I retreat into a tree so Naruto doesn't notice me and ruin the moment. I don't trust this Deidara kid, but if he can take care of Naruto like he's promising, then my opinions could change.

Or he would end up dead. Either way I'm just glad I don't have to fail anymore genin for a while.

 _Day 1_

Collecting my charge for the first time was not a hassle at all. In fact, he was already showered and dressed for the day by the time I got there.

Opening the cell, Deidara calmly strolls out like he owns the place, a cocky grin on his face.

"Didn't have any black cats cross your path, un?"

I pause mid-step and glared a hole into his back, how did he know what excuses I use when I'm late?

I was almost disappointed that whatever D-rank mission was thrown at him, he handled them without any complaints. The bomber even made an earth clone so the missions would be done twice as fast.

 _Day 3_

Deidara is terrible at aiming.

It's been two hours and he has yet to hit the wooden post in front of him once with a kunai or shuriken.

I had to laugh, he's suppose to be a jonin yet he can't even hit a fixed target from ten feet away?

Of course the brat heard me.

"Haha very funny, un! I don't use ninja tools often and you guys won't let me use my clay!" Excuses excuses, he sounds like a genin already. Maybe the lack of chakra got to his brain? Okay fine I'll help him.

"Try getting closer to the target."

He's a very literal person, he threw the kunai barely a foot away from the post. I watched as it got closer… and closer…

Then suddenly it changed direction and landed about 15 feet AWAY from its intended target.

"..."

"..."

"Not. A. Word. un."

I fell backwards in laughter as the blond stared up at the sky with the most deadpanned expression I have ever seen.

 _Day 7_

After speaking with the Hokage I decided to let Deidara make explosives with some clay. But the kid and I made a deal: three C1s a day and they are to be kept in a pouch with a lightning seal on them. That way no matter what he tried the bombs would be duds as long as they stayed in the pouch.

I'll need to update his bingo book on this weakness. But I have to admit, the little animals he make are pretty cute.

"Why would you tell me the one true weakness of your jutsu?"

Deidara paused his sculpting and tilted his head in contemplation. Nodding with a satisfied mental answer he looks up at me with a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Because by the time I fight someone with lightning chakra, I will have countered this weakness."

I involuntarily shivered and then momentarily hoped that this supposed time is much later rather than sooner.

 _Day 10_

Today seemed like a normal day. Birds singing, people talking, Deidara failing at throwing kunai at a post literally ten feet away. Yep things seemed pretty norma-

"DEIDARA-SAAAAAANNNNNN!"

Nevermind.

Watching Deidara go from 1 to 1000 on the scared cat scale, I turn my head to the newcomer. A genin if my assumption was correct, fresh out of the academy, civilian with straight brown hair in a high ponytail and sparkling green eyes that scream "newbie". Minus the fact he's oozing with hyperness I wonder why Deidara would be so tense.

"Deidara-san! Deidara-san! It's me Daiki! You remember dontcha? I read up all about you because of our sensei is it true you are a jonin?! And that you have been a ninja since you were a kid?! Why didn't you tell me you were so COOL?!"

Ah, that's why. He talks a lot. Nice job kid, all in one breath.

Deidara seems to be overloaded with all of the sudden chatter, but tries to reply anyway. "Well I uh-" Keyword "tries".

"And you're older than me by a few months too! Can I call you Senpai?!" Daiki interrupted and man I have never seen an expression change so fast. Deidara went from overwhelmed to have a face of pure terror, I tilt my head confused.

Slowly, Deidara swallows, "I'd rather you did-"

"AWESOME! You're such a cool person Senpai! Hey hey teach me some of your jutsu! I want to be a cool ninja like you!" Well, seems as though Deidara's made a friend, good for him he needs to be with kids his own age.

Or not.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME TOBI, UN!" Without warning Deidara dropped a smoke bomb 'When did I let him buy those…?' Before bolting away.

However this didn't seem to stop the genin from chasing my charge "Oooooooh is this a training exercise?! WAIT MY NAME'S DAIKI NOT 'TOBI'! SENPAI WAIT UP! SENPAAAAIIIII!" And they're gone.

Though it begs a few questions, who is Tobi and why did the title "senpai" cause such a violent reaction? Imagine if Deidara had access to not only his normal chakra reserves but also his clay… I'm fairly certain this Daiki kid would have been dead.

I'll need to report this later.

Yep, a normal day.

 _Day 11_

Deidara only left his UNLOCKED cell to pick Naruto up from the academy and to make sure he got home safely. The moment Naruto was in his apartment, Deidara ran like the ANBU were on him, back into his cell, slammed the door shut and hid under his bed.

Pulling out my Icha Icha book I let out a sigh, "Why are you hiding again?"

Deidara poked his head out from under the bed, "It's the only place Daiki is not allowed to enter and I'm keeping it that way, un." He states rather dryly before returning to his hiding spot.

Note to self: Call for this Daiki kid if I ever need to punish Deidara.

 _Day 15_

I am never taking a day off for the rest of the month.

"WHADDAYA MEAN DEIDARA-NII IS IN A CELL JI-CHAN, DATTEBAYO?!"

Guess who said that.

Yesterday the Hokage gave me the day off, which I spent most of the day at the memorial stone. But he forgot to mention that my replacement was chosen by Danzo-sama.

A jonin whose father was killed during the 3rd shinobi war by Iwagakure shinobi.

Unable to contain his hatred for Deidara's very existence, told Deidara that it was time to return to his cell earlier than agreed on.

Right in front of Naruto.

So here we are with Naruto outraged at this, even as Deidara tries to sooth the boy by telling him he doesn't mind.

"Naruto-kun, it's okay. I agreed to these terms and-" Naruto was not having any of that.

"I DON'T CARE DATTEBAYO! It's not fuc- OW DEIDARA-NII!" Deidara interrupted Naruto mid-curse with a hit on the head which formed a comically large bump.

Deidara huffed, putting his hands on his hips, "Naruto-kun, I will allow 'damn', 'hell' and 'teme' but if I hear anything else there will be consequences." He chastised motherly. Are we sure Deidara's a male?

Naruto began to pout, but quickly pulled a mischievous face "Sooooo what words am I not allowed to say again- OW!" That earned him another bump from the older blond to add to his growing collection.

Deidara quickly bowed to the Hokage. "Forgive his rashness Hokage-sama, I will have a talk with him after I take him home, un." With that Deidara grabbed Naruto by the ear and dragged him away. But before he left the Hokage stops him.

"The Tsuchikage responded to my message," Deidara looks over at the Hokage with an interested look, "he has demanded you return your headband, write one letter a month for someone named Kurotsuchi and visit every other month. Oh, and to not reveal S-class information." That last part almost sounded as if the Tsuchikage added that last minute.

All Deidara did was throw the Hokage his headband, letting his hair drop even more into his face, nod and leave with the squirming kid.

I sigh, yep, no more vacations for me until this mission is over.

 _Day 17_

I stay hidden on a roof as I watch Deidara wait for Naruto by the academy gate. Eventually, I see the familiar spiky hair bolt over and hug the older blond. Focusing chakra into my ears I listen in.

"Neh, Neh! Deidara-nii, we had a test today, dattebayo!" Naruto was practically vibrating as he told Deidara about his day.

However, Deidara didn't seemed amused at the idea of a test. "Score." A single word and an outstretched hand were enough for my brain to register that this will not end well.

Naruto seemed to get the same vibe, as he timidly pulled the paper from his backpack, 'A gift from Deidara no doubt, he either saves his money or spends it on the kid…' and hands the test to him.

It was a 23...

Without a word Deidara crushes the paper in his hands like someone would a bug, and proceeds to drag Naruto off to his apartment. All the while Naruto tried to escape from his impending doom.

"Deidara-nii it's not that bad! It's higher than usual!" THAT made Deidara walk even faster. I watch him throw open the door after taking Naruto's keys and forced the kid to sit at the kitchen table. 'What is he planning..?'

Deidara pulls out a sealing scroll 'When did I let him buy that?' and slams his hands on it, in a puff of smoke, flash cards and books spewed out in a pile.

"You are going to study MY way, un. Apparently the academy doesn't know how to help those falling behind." Deidara sat down next to Naruto, and began making him study.

 _Two hours and a mock test later_

'I should let Deidara go to the academy…' was my only thought process as Naruto was actually beginning to understand some of the material he should have known from the beginning.

"Twice a day for 15 minutes I want you to study these flash cards, once a week you will stay at the academy an extra hour to make more cards from new things you learn, un." This wasn't a request, Deidara is taking Naruto's education very seriously.

However, Naruto wasn't. He just pouted, earning a sigh from the older male.

"Naruto-kun… if you score an 80 or higher, I will teach you a new jutsu, un." That made the kid perk up and nod in agreement.

"Then I expect you to work hard, un" was all he said before going into the kitchen to prepare Naruto's lunch for tomorrow.

'That still isn't a very high score…'

 _Day 20_

Here we are once again, I'm reading my books and Deidara is failing at throwing kunai at the post.

Finally the blond snapped.

" _SON OF A MONKEY'S SHIT EATING ASS FACE THIS IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE! FUCK YOU UNIVERSE AND ALL OF YOUR BULLSHIT!"_

I paused, Deidara froze. Only one thought could pass through my head. 'What did he just say?' Even Deidara seemed surprised.

 **Deidara's POV**

'Holy shit that was english! I spoke english! Wait… Kakashi…' Sneaking a glance at the masked shinobi I let a smirk trail across my face.

" _Hey hot stuff! I know what your face looks like and I can see why the ladies love you! I know my friend does!"_

I watch Kakashi give me his iconic eye crinkle smile before cheerfully saying, "Did you say something?"

I let out a burst of laughter 'Okay Kakashi, be that way.' After the laughter subsided I threw a kunai at the post.

It hit its mark.

 **Kakashi's POV**

'Lovely, Deidara has a secret code that I can't understand' was my thought process until I saw him successfully hit the post.

" _HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH! Finally! Three fucking weeks!"_ Deidara was jumping for joy, suddenly he started throwing all kinds of weapons at the various posts and trees in the area. All hitting their marks as Deidara kept yelling in his code. 'Again, where does he find the time to buy all this stuff?! Where did he even keep his stuff?' I see seals on Deidara's wrists 'Ah, there… Wait, when did he make those?!'

This is going to be a long report…

 _Day 23_

"Kakashi!" Oh no, Deidara please have something to do.

"I think your friend wants to talk to you, un"

With a sigh I look towards the voice, Might Gai, longtime friend and self-proclaimed rival of mine. "Yes Gai…?" He proceeds to shake his head in disappointment at my lack of a reaction.

"How unyouthful! I was wondering if you'd like to join me and my protege," Gai gestures towards a mini-him "To our 50 laps around the village!" He finally noticed Deidara. "Hello there youth! I'm Might Gai, Konoha's noble, blue fierce animal and this is Rock Lee!"

The kid, Lee, shoots his arm in the air in greeting "YOSH! It is a pleasure to meet you!"

"Deidara, un."

Tears comically form from Gai's eyes as he begins to rant to my charge, "SUCH AN UNYOUTHFUL RESPONSE FROM A YOUTHFUL FACE! Kakashi! You should teach your students to be more passionate!"

"Gai, he's not my student."

"I am passionate, un!" Gai's mouth snapped shut in interest.

"Then tell me your passion unyouthful one!"

Without warning, Deidara took some clay from his pouch and made a bird, "Behold! Such magnificent sculpting with perfect lines. The symmetry is unmatched by any craftsmen as I use my chakra to create such beauty that no other artists can make! In my hand is a super flat power that vanishes in a blink of the eye." Before I could stop him he throws the bird into the air " My art… IS AN EXPLOSION! KATSU!" The bomb explodes in a firework like display.

I paused, and waited. Waiting for something to happen. And then, Gai spoke.

"SUCH YOUTH!" I'm deaf. "I HAVE YET TO SEE SUCH UNIQUE ART BEFORE! YOUNG MAN YOU MUST JOIN US ON OUR YOUTHFUL RUN OF YOOOOOUUUTTTHHH!" My ears are dead.

"Sure, un!" With that Deidara ran off with the duo in a… sunset? But it's noon!

My ears are still ringing.

 _Day 26_

It took me a few days but I found Daiki and informed him where Deidara was. Time for some payback.

"SENPAIIIIII!"

"Oh FUCK NO, UN!" Before Deidara could run away, Daiki grabbed him by the arm and proceed to bounce on the spot.

"Senpai senpai! Could you help me out cause there's this girl I really really really like and I want to ask her out but she won't notice me but if I had a senpai with me it would look cool and- mffh mhhp mmmmh!" Deidara quickly slammed a hand over Daiki's mouth.

His ungloved hand.

Quickly realizing what he was doing, Deidara yanked his hand away like it's been burnt, but Daiki saw the mouth.

"Did you just kiss me Senpai?"

Turning red Deidara flailed his hands while shaking his head "No I di-"

Daiki flew his hands to the sides of his head in dismay, "I got my first kiss from my senpaiiiii! And he's not even a girl and it wasn't even on on the mouth! I kissed my senpai's hand! Oh Seiko will never love me now!" Overdramatic much kid?

Deidara seemed to have the same thought as he sighed "If I talk to this girl will you PLEASE shut u-" Before he could finish his sentence Daiki was already dragging him away.

"Sure senpai! Thank you senpai!"

I could feel Deidara's glare boring into my soul.

 _Day 29_

Deidara will still not talk to me.

"Come on kid, I said I was sorry." Nope, nothing, he would just keep sculpting the same bird over and over again. It's creeping me out because I think the kid forgot how to blink.

Quickly thinking I summon Pakkun, kid's like dogs right?

"Yo Kakashi, what do you need?"

I sweatdrop while pointing at Deidara, "Can you cheer him up? He refuses to talk or blink."

Pakkun looks at Deidara, "Hmm… he smells off, like there's two people in one body. But okay." He trots over to the blond while I let my mind wonder.

'Two people in one? That doesn't make sense, no one is controlling Deidara and he rarely uses any jutsu… I'm going to talk to him before this mission ends.'

"Hey kid, what's up?" Deidara slowly looked at Pakkun, instantly his eyes had that same sparkle he would have when looking at Naruto or just small things in general.

Pakkun continues, "Look kid, let me make you a deal, if you talk to Kakashi…" He raises his paws "I'll let you touch my paws. They're nice and soft." Suddenly Pakkun begins to scratch behind his ear due to an itch.

Without saying a word, Deidara reached over and scratched the spot for Pakkun, as if he's always been around animals. Pakkun wags his tail pleased and lets the blond touch his pink paws.

"There you go, un…" Oh thank Kami, he spoke and blinked.

Deidara looked over at me with a calm expression "We'll talk later, un." Then turned his attention back to Pakkun.

 _The final day_

I took Deidara to a small tea house that I visit sometimes. Sitting down I lock eyes with the blond, "Pakkun said he smelt two people in your body. What did he mean by that?"

His expression kept changing; from confusion to contemplation then back to confusion with a side of annoyance. Even he didn't seem to understand.

Then, a wave of realization washed across his face.

"Oh, un."

'"oh"? That's all he has to say?' Apparently not as the pre-teen began laughing.

"S-sorry, un. I think I understand." Deidara straightens his back, "I'll tell you if Naruto becomes your student." With that, Deidara stood up and left. Leaving me confused about the ordeal.

 _A few hours later._

Giving my report to the Hokage I stand in his office as he reads up a month's worth of information. Sometimes he would chuckle at Deidara's expense with Daiki or the post.

But his face grew serious the moment he read on Deidara's codes and what Pakkun told me.

"Two people in one, Kakashi?"

I nod "Yes, Pakkun didn't give much detail, only that his smell was unusual." I watch the Hokage's face grow grave and his age beginning to show.

"You… are dismissed Kakashi, Deidara will be released from his cell and I will speak with him tomorrow." I bow and begin to leave, but not before I hear the Hokage weakly whisper…

"Please don't be another Orochimaru…"

 **Third person POV**

 _Meanwhile with the Akatsuki_

In Amegakure in a tall tower, eight people stood in a room, some holographed, the rest are physical bodies. All there for… more or less one reason.

A man whose body is half white, half black, with a venus fly trap attached to his body, spoke the reason, "Deidara is in Konoha. **He is trying to integrate himself in the village.** He's already taking care of the kyuubi jinchuuriki."

This brought the attention of their leader, Pein, a man with many piercings and the infamous rinnegan. Everyone respectfully waited for him to say something.

"He could still be persuaded to join the Akatsuki."

Kisame chuckles "Maybe we should use Itachi to get him to join." He states like it's a joke. "He could use his charm to win Deidara over, he did call Itachi cute." Though by the look his partner gave him, Itachi did not find this funny.

However Hidan, the foul mouthed Jashinist, found this to be the joke of the year and promptly slumped over his partner while dying of laughter. "Kakuzu! Can you believe it! The fucker has an admirer and it's a dude. Shit I can't breath! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Itachi throws a kunai that hits his head. "Oi oi oi shithead! No need to be a pussy about it!"

Hidan soon finds himself covered in kunai.

While Itachi may seemed like he was annoyed by Kisame's constant joke. In reality he was worried for his brother, Sasuke. If Deidara went to Konoha with the intent to do harm, he has the power to flatten the village with some training, his precious sibling could be killed.

However, if Deidara truly is there to help Konoha, and if his theory about the bomber is correct… then he may have another problem, Sasuke may not seek vengeance. Deidara had a look in his eyes that says he knows things he shouldn't.

Either way, he needs to speak to Deidara...

Alone.

And while this meeting was going on, now that the topic has swapped, a man with a single sharingan eye watched from the shadows. With the same thought as Itachi.

* * *

 **My beta-reader really enjoyed Itachi making a cameo in this chapter. She wants to ship Deidara with Itachi but… they're 11 and 14, I ain't pairing people off yet! Let me know what you guys think!**

 **Notice:**

 **Including the prologue, after the 6th or 7th chapter I will be adding side stories at the end where Deidara encounters characters for the first time at different time frames. This is where you guys can help mold the story! Either through review or pm if there is anyone you want to see meet Deidara feel free to do so. You can even throw in ideas on how they meet.**

 **I will give credit to those who input their ideas if I decide to use them. If more than one person suggest a character, but different ideas I will be having my beta readers pick out the scenario they like best.**

 **Remember, this will end up being canon to the fic. Unless you specifically want it to be an omake, say so and I will exclude it from my canon. I do have a few in mind but so far Sasuke, Sakura, Orochimaru, Hinata and Tobi/Obito are part of the main storyline. My lovely beta will appear in an omake much later in the story but will not be canon in the fic.**

 **Like always, reviews are loved and I'll be posting the next chapter soon!**

 **Bye guys!**


	6. Truth

**Hey guys! This chapter was a pain in the rear to type, I kept changing it after researching over and over to make sure I didn't mess up on details.**

 **Thank you guys for the faves and follows, I love this community so much you have no idea. ^.^**

 **DarkDust27: Agreed, I was dying of laughter making those two scenes, that chapter was a ton of fun to write. Also yeah, I'll make a poll system WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY later in the story, the only confirmed pair so far is Hinata x Naruto as that is my OTP for straight pairings and Deidara plays matchmaker later on.**

"Blah" - Talking

'blah' - thinking

 _Blah_ \- passage of time not a timeskip

 **Warning: Language, fluff, lots of fwuff, Deidara playing matchmaker and… oh, SPOILERS.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did... Danzo would have had a worse death scene. I'm rather sadistic by nature :3**

* * *

 **Deidara's POV**

Finally, one month has passed and I can leave this stupid cell. Kakashi escorted me out and took me to a small restaurant where Naruto was waiting outside. Despite my insistence, he left claiming he had things to do, 'I guess he wants to spend time at the memorial stone…' I really want to tell him about Obito… but I'm not sure how he would take it. I'll have to wait and see.

I ordered us some breakfast, and for the 20th time in my short existence had to explain WHY "Ramen is not a healthy breakfast" while at the same time missing having bacon and pancakes. Oh well at least there are eggs.

Once Naruto dragged me straight to his apartment that was, thankfully due to my influence, cleaner and more homey. I'll have to buy a futon later today, for some reason this body hates regular mattresses.

"Heheheh! This is great dattebayo! You're staying with me Deidara-nii!" I ruffle his hair smirking, little does he realize that I plan on changing quite a few of his lifestyles early on. I will have a brother with good hygiene!

"Yes, but now you need to head to school." He begins to whine but I cut him off with a "zip it" motion, "I have to speak to Hokage-sama. I'll hang out with you tonight."

This doesn't stop Naruto from pouting, "Okay… but you'll begin my training soon right dattebayo?" Well considering I can finally hit that stupid post with weapons…

"Sure, un." I had to cover my ears as I get a scream of excitement invading my cranium. I barely have enough time to register the fact that something was missing on his person, before the squirt hugged my waist then bolt out. Sitting on his table was the lunch I made yesterday. 'Not again...' cupping my hands over my mouth I shout out "NARUTO-KUN YOUR BENT- oh come on!" And he's gone… again. I really do not feel like chasing after him. 'What a drag... I swear someone just sneezed...'

With a groan, I head over to the academy's gates and wait for someone I recognize, at first, all I see are background characters. Then, I see the walking cinnamon roll.

Hyuuga Hinata.

With an internal evil laugh I walk over, slipping on my gloves so I do not freak her out and called out "Pardon me, Hyuuga-san?" Poor thing nearly passed out right then and there.

"Y-yes…?" Oh my god she's doing the finger twiddle, I must not HUG!

"You're Naruto-kun's classmate right, un?" I tilt my head in curiousity, 'Awwwww she turned red! Squeee!'

"N-naruto-k-kun..?!" I nod then hold out the bento to her, she looks at me with a confused expression.

"I'm his adoptive older brother, my name's Deidara. He forgot his lunch and… well…" I kneel to her height and smiled softly "I don't want to embarrass him, un. Could you bring him his lunch for me?" My heart melted as she let out a small giggle in understandment. 'Stop being so damn cute, Hinata!'

She slowly starts doing the turtle upon realizing this meant she would talk to Naruto. "W-well…" She gulps, "O-okay…" Timidly she takes the bento and held it like it was the most precious thing to her. "O-oh! U-um… I uh…."

"Well, I must be off, it was nice meeting you Hyuuga-san, un." With that I begin to walk off, but stopped mid-step when a tiny voice shouted out to me.

"Hin….Hinata!"

Snapping my head over in shock, I see a bright red Hinata trying to control her breathing. Finally she looks at me with a bright smile that made her whole face glow.

"My name is Hinata... It's nice to meet you Deidara-san!" She then bowed and walked to the academy, slightly wobbly but I felt proud for her.

'She didn't stutter... Naruto, you better eat lunch with her. I'm going to kill that crush you have on Sakura, lock it up and throw it in the deepest part of the ocean. You will not get your heart broken this time around.'

As walk away I ignore the brooding boy with the hair that looks like a duck's ass.

 **Naruto's POV**

'Aww man I forgot my lunch Deidara-nii made me! He's gonna kill me, or he'll show up and embarrass me in front of everyone! Sakura-chan will never like me after that! I'M DOOOOOOOOOMMMMEEEEDDD-'

"N-N-Naruto-kun…?"

"Eh?" Looking over I see that weird kid, Hinata I think is her name?

The girl gulped for some reason and held out a box wrapped in a light blue cloth, '… my bento?'

"Y-your b-b-brother a-a-asked me to give y-you your l-lunch." Hinata kept turning more and more red. Man is she weird. ( **AN:Naruto has such a small vocabulary list X_x** )

Rubbing the back of my head I awkwardly take the box, "Thanks?" 'Oooooooh maybe I should ask Sakura-chan to eat with me!'

Wait…

 _FLASHBACK_

Nii-san was scolding me about forgetting my lunch again.

"Honestly, next time you forget it I'm gonna show up to your class, un."

I started to panic, flailing my arms in protest "No dattebayo! It'll be embarrassing!"

Almost instantly Nii-san began smirking "Then if you forget it, I will have a classmate deliver it. As a thank you I want you to share some of your bento with them, un." He puts his hands on his hips and leans down to my height. Gah! Why is he taller than me! "I want you to make friends. Use this as your chance to do so…"

 _END FLASHBACK_

Fine Deidara-nii, we had a deal. "Neh… Hinata right? Wanna have lunch with me dattebayo?" Wow her face changes color fast.

"L-lunch…?" Now she's doing some weird pushing motion with her finger. 'What's her problem?'

"Yeah, Deidara-nii makes too much anyway. Whaddaya say?"

Hinata's starting to fall… "U-um… o-okay... " And then she fainted, I had to catch her before her face met the desk and quickly set her down next to me. I was gonna save that seat for Sakura-chan but… I did promise I would try to make friends. Even if she's a little strange.

 _A few hours later._

Hinata finally woke up, and I had to stop her from fainting again when I told her about lunch. Man, what's with her and fainting?

Taking her to my usual spot I open the bento to see… foods I have never eaten before and… cinnamon rolls? Weird, Deidara-nii never gives me sweets. He even packed an extra set of chopsticks?! Was this planned?!

Mumbling about how much of a pain Deidara-nii was, I split the lunch in half and gave it to Hinata, who replied with a "Thank you…" before we began to dig in.

"Y-your brother is a g-good… cook N-Naruto-kun..."

"Huh? Ohf yhapf!" I swallow my food "Deidara-nii makes the best food besides ramen! That goes to old man Teuchi from Ichiraku!"

Hinata began to shrink a little "Ich...Ichiraku…?"

Wait, don't tell me… "You've never had Ichiraku, dattebayo?!" Before Hinata could answer I continue "Aw man kid, you haven't lived yet! After school I'm taking you to Ichiraku to have ramen, dattebayo!"

"Y… you… r-really?" Wow she really doesn't get out much, huh?

I nod with a massive grin "Yeah!"

She timidly nodded then began eating a cinnamon roll. I have to admit, I like that smile on her. Makes her look less weird.

"You have a nice smile dattebayo! You should do that more often!"

And then she fainted. Mid cinnamon roll.

"Eh…? Hinata?"

 **Deidara's POV**

Walking into the Hokage's office, like we agreed, there is no one else in the room but Hiruzen, but I'm going to make eavesdropping impossible.

"Hokage-sama." I politely bow to a 90 degree angle keeping my head low. "Shall we begin our conversation?" Straightening my back I see gramps giving me a suspicious look… 'oh hell no.'

Hiruzen quickly spammed hand signs, soundproofing the room. "You haven't caused any problems during the month. You have kept a clean record… almost too clean."

I frown, 'I dare you to claim that I'm just acting.'

"I can't help but wonder if this is all an act to let my guard down. Maybe sending you on a mission outside of the leaf will be too much…"

That's it.

Feeling the blood rush up to my face I grit my teeth, "With all due respect Hokage-sama. I followed your expectations to a T. I have not caused problems, stayed in my cell at night, and helped Naruto with his academy work… all I ask is for you to listen to what I have to say…" I take a breath, "please, un…" I'm just… so tired of all this, I want to get this over with and spend time with Naruto.

Slowly, the suspicious look dropped and he motioned me to continue.

Suddenly it felt like a knot tied in my stomach, a million scenarios play in my mind as I try not to bolt out of the room. 'Here goes nothing, I'm going to die.'

"I am not Deidara, un. I am a 19 year old girl who died in her sleep and woke up in this body." I cringed at how fake that sounded. Even Hiruzen didn't seem convinced. "Basically I was… reborn? In a way, un? But I skipped the baby phase..? And um… uh… thank god for that?" I began to fidget again with a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of my neck.

At first, Hiruzen didn't move, then slowly, he leans forward with a serious look on his face. "If I am meant to believe you, why did you pick the path you are walking down right now? You had more freedom as a missing nin."

I almost sighed with relief, at least he's not sending me to the looney bin. "I'm from another…" I struggle to find the right word "dimension? And in that dimension, this… world, its people, history and way of life are all… manga. A very popular manga at that."

"How popular?"

How popular you say? Well… "An entire generation grew up knowing the main character and his friends. We know just as much as the creator made, un. Key historical events, secrets and lies. Everyone's birthdays, blood-types, hobbies and dreams are at the palm of our hands. Little of the past is known, but we know the future. I even grew up reading the series from beginning to end, un."

Hiruzen gave me a calculating expression, rather expressive todays aren't we? "And who is the 'main character'?"

"Uzumaki Naruto, un." Damnit why did I say that so quickly?! Hiruzen's chakra began to spew out threateningly, shit he's getting the wrong idea! "Wait! I'm not here to harm Naruto, un! I'm aware of how he was raised and I wanted to give him a better life, because I'm a sucker for bad pasts and I'm extremely maternal!" I try to plead my case, raising my arms in a "Don't shoot" position, slowly the chakra in the room dimmed down. Phew. Dodged a bullet right there.

"What proof do you have of the knowledge you possess?" Oh goodie! Something any fan can answer!

"Uzumaki Naruto is the son of Uzumaki Kushina and Namikaze Minato, un." I watch as Hiruzen's arm jerked in shock across his desk, knocking over stuff. Woot! Just the reaction I wanted.

Cracking my neck, I prepare the big guns.

"Uchiha Itachi was ordered to kill his entire clan because the Uchiha were going to stage a coup, un." It took all of my self-control to not explode in anger at this.

My mind slowly gets a flashback-no-jutsu of Shisui's suicide, the massacre, Itachi killing his parents, Izumi having a botched death in the anime. All the pain one kid had to feel for the rest of his short life. "He cried as he drove a sword through his parents bodies. And then cried again just before Sasuke passed out."

I tilt my head to look at the man sitting before me. "Danzo ordered the clan's death, and in turn Itachi threatened the village's safety if Sasuke is harmed, un."

 **Hiruzen's POV**

I tried to mask my shock but failed, when asking for proof I was expecting Naruto's parents to be revealed… but only four people in Konoha know the truth about the Uchiha massacre. But words can be passed down, I need physical proof.

"Do you have physical proof that you have knowledge of our world?" I was hoping to stump the blond, but no, instead he smiled. And not a cheery kind, it was a smile that was a mixture of "I have this all under control." , "I win." and "You shouldn't have asked that~." All wrapped up with the terrifying glow of victory in his eyes. I swear he's giggling.

"Do you know what Danzo has under his bandaged eye?" He questions me. I say nothing as I am now the one that's clueless, he then continues. "You don't… well you will learn. Have a Hyuuga you trust -Hiashi maybe- use their byakugan on Danzo's covered eye and then have them tell you the color of chakra it is, un."

'The color of chakra..?' "What do you mean color?"

Deidara's grin widened to nearly a physically impossible size ( **AN:Cheshire! :D** ), but then pulls a disgusted face, "Uchiha Shisui has green chakra*, Danzo has Shisui's eye. With it, the power to manipulate others with a near perfect genjutsu, un."

I glare at the boy dangerously, "You are making some very bold clai-"

"He also has several sharingan implanted in his right arm, un. But I am unsure if I can prove it or not without making him physically show his arm and…" he interrupted me with a gage, "I'd rather not, un. It's gross."

I lean back into my chair, suddenly feeling my age as the potential truth that is being placed before me. "What if you are wrong?" Again, that creepy grin formed. It's as if he knows I will lose.

"If I am wrong, I will formally apologize to Danzo, offer my services to him, and tell you everything I know about Orochimaru in detail, un." So even if I did believe him he would leave out some information. I have to admit that is a smart tactic.

"And if you are right?"

Without missing a beat, "Then you will provide me full permission to remove Shisui's eye from Danzo, dead or alive, and allow me to attempt to reunite the Uchiha brothers."

"..."

"What? Were you expecting something like me having full autonomy in the village or access to classified information?"

"I was actually… why do you care about Itachi?"

Deidara's smile dropped and he squirmed where he stood, biting his lower lip in thought, he soon points to himself, "Deidara was… and is my favorite character, ironic that I would never in a million years want to be him, un." That nervous chuckle rang out again, "Itachi's my second favorite, and he deserved so much more than what he got in the original timeline. Hiruzen, he's dying of an illness, and is only keeping himself alive so Sasuke could kill him." I didn't know about Itachi being sick… but I can understand Itachi's situation a bit more now.

I truly had no reason to argue, his reasons are selfish, but at least he has a reason.

But one questioned ringed out in my head,"If you are not Deidara. Then who are you?" If it makes him more comfortable, I'd like to know his true name, inside that head is possibly a young woman who probably is having a hard time adjusting to a body completely different from her own.

Deidara gave me a long stare before looking up at the ceiling with an unfocused gaze.

"I'm no one, un. I'm just Deidara now."

I felt my eyebrow subconsciously raise. With that he continued "I died. I was given another life. I'm going to use the knowledge I have to change things for the better, un. My old name is worthless here and I'd rather take it to my new grave, un." A mature response. The knowledge of his past life would be too valuable, and the fewer who know it the better.

"Will… you be willing to tell me what would have happened without your existence? The story that you plan on changing?" If it turns out Deidara is telling the truth, then I need to be prepared to help him make these changes. A part of me almost hopes that he is lying.

Finally, a genuine grin plastered his face as he sat down in a chair. The expression matched Naruto whenever he talks about ramen or his dream to be Hokage, it's nothing but passion.

"I will not tell you everything yet, but it all starts with Naruto's academy graduation, un..."

* * *

 **Ultimate Timeskip no jutsu!**

* * *

 **Deidara's POV**

After talking with the old man I had to shop for a futon and new outfits. For some reason I just like wearing kimono shirts so I ended up buying several of the same outfit young Deidara wears with various colors. Later on I'll start dressing similar to shippuden Deidara, his clothes look pretty comfy. I also got Naruto a few new shirts as his old ones weren't fitting him right and white is not his color.

My mission begins tomorrow and I'll be with two jonin that I met not long after the meeting, a man and a woman but their names escape me. The mission will be three days and I am there as defence.

Back in Naruto's apartment I made myself a little dinner after pre-making some lunches for Naruto. He can cook his own breakfast and dinner just fine but if I gave him free will of his bento he'd just take instant ramen. Speaking of ramen, I saw Naruto in Ichiraku's with someone but I didn't see who, so I knew he wouldn't be hungry.

My mind wonders to the conversation I had with the Hokage, I told him up to the beginning of Shippuden with the promise of more information later. In return he will investigates Danzo. He honestly took the news of his own death fairly well, but not so much Orochimaru giving Sasuke the curse hickey. I wouldn't be so keen knowing my student did stuff like that either, I'll need to think of a way to prevent that from happening.

"I'm home, dattebayo!"

Looking up from my rice I grin over to my new baby brother "Welcome home Naruto-kun!" I need to drop the kun soon, I sound like Hinata. "So, anything new happen today, un?" I took a bite of my fish and watch Naruto sit in front of me.

Naruto lowers his head, and got quiet "Yeah…" Okay, who do I have to kill?

Suddenly he shoots his head up at me and beams a bright smile "I made a new friend, dattebayo!"

… Okay, who do I have to hug?

* * *

 ** **Well folks, now Hiruzen knows. I decided to use Danzo as the main form of proof for two reasons: 1. He literally is the only form of physical proof Deidara could present right now. And 2. I REALLLLLYYYYY want an excuse to kill the bastard later on. Trust me, if there is one character that I am definitely gonna have die early on, it's Danzo.****

 ***** I found it fascinating when Ao's byakugan showed Shisui's eye as green. Then after doing some research, I learned that all of the Uchiha's Susanoos match their creators chakra color, so Shisui's chakra is green and Sasuke has purple chakra... poor guy, can't escape that color huh?

 **Next chapter will be Deidara's mission and encounters with two very important characters.**

 **Until next time, reviews are loved and I shall see you all later.**

 **Peace!**


	7. Fear

**Oh god these chapters keep getting longer and longer X_X my beta is right, the fact I haven't had writers block yet is amazing. On the bright side I am legitimately happy with how the story is progressing, and all of your guy's support have been amazing.**

 **MeiaAdey: Oh trust me hun, Danzo is going to die in a verrrrryyyyy painful matter. Hinata and a few other characters are going to become much more stronger and more capable shinobi.**

 ** ** **ArmCannos34: More like a chaotic road trip XD You'll see.******

 ** ** ** ** **Queen Mo-Freakin: I already answered your question but to others interested in knowing: No, I do not have a fixed schedule. If I did I'd most likely get burnt out fast due to college. So to avoid writers block I'm going to try to update once a week, but don't panic if I go a week without updating. If anyone gets concerned just PM me. I'll respond within the day. :3**********

"Blah" - talking

'Blah' - thinking

" _Blah_ " - English

 _Blah_ \- passage of time.

 **Warning: Lot's of naughty words, violence, I like insulting people, mini-emotional moments, references and anime logic!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did one of Itachi's Tsukuyomi would be Gai making someone run while yelling about "YOOOOOUUUUTTTTHHHH!"**

* * *

I ended up waking really freaking early the next morning. This always happens, if nothing goes on I will wake up around… 8 or 9 in the morning. But, if there is a time… well… Begrudgingly, I turn my head to look at the kitchen clock. My mission begins at 8...

5 A.M. on the dot.

" _Fuck me sideways…_ " I'm starting to develop the habit of cursing in english. Naruto's beginning to copy what I say, so if he's gonna cuss he might as well not get caught!

Rolling out of my nice warm futon, I slip on a shirt and stood up. I can see why men sleep shirtless, the fluffy blanket feels comfier with less clothes on. But I wear shirts when I'm awake for one simple matter: No one knows about Deidara's chest mouth. I'm keeping it that way.

The less people know about C0, the safer I'll be in the long run. That, and Naruto asks too many questions about my hands already.

I take a moment to examine my surroundings. Well for one the floor is cold as hell '… haha… cold… hell… I'm funny when I'm tired.' ( **AN: I actually am tired right now XD help** ) 'oh… the voice is back.'

Besides the cold floor the apartment looks just like how Kishimoto designed it, with a few touches from yours truly. My futon lays between the front entrance and Naruto's bedroom. After a month of having white porcelain masks staring at me while I sleep, I've turned into a paranoid asshole. If someone wants to sneak in, I've become a light sleeper with spidey senses. Don't care; you sneak into my home when I have a kid in the other room… you gonna die bud. I sleep with a kunai under my pillow and my clay pouch under my blanket. I'm tempted to put a warning sign on the front door so I don't accidentally stab an unsuspecting shinobi or delivery boy.

Putting the futon away I quickly check Naruto, who's tangled in his sheets snoozing away. Knowing this will hurt his back I get him in a better sleeping position and recover him in his blankets. With a fond smile and a quick kiss to his temple I retreat to our shared bathroom to shower.

As I let the hot water do its magic I go through a list of what I need to bring. "Hmmm.. clay, clothes, some money, my premade C1s but not too many, un. Just enough for a diversion…" It's amazing how fast I adapted to this new life.

Almost instantly my thoughts become somber, I've been in this world for a month now.

'I wonder how my friends and family are doing… how long time has passed back home? What about-' I had to smack myself to get these thoughts out of my head. 'You're dead in that world woman, DEAD! You have a second chance now and you will not dwell on the past longer than needed.'

Realizing that being in the shower any longer could result in an emotional turmoil, I quickly get out and dry off. Putting on a dark blue kimono top with some grey pants, I pack what I need for the mission.

Nodding with satisfaction, I leave a note for Naruto and head out, planning to eat out for the morning. I still have a while before the mission began, so I might as well enjoy some peace and quiet.

 _Many hours later_

I spy with my little eye… something beginning with the letter "T". If you guessed "Trees" you are correct! You now understand how BORED I AM!

I thought shinobi hopping from tree to tree was the coolest thing ever. But after two hours of non-stop hopping, the mystical factor dies quicker than an extra on Game of Thrones.

My teammates are no help either. The male jonin, turns out his name is Yuu, is so serious that he should sign up for ANBU. He has not said a word and has keep a blank expression.

The female jonin's name is Kana, and she's as bland as a female protagonist in a reverse harem anime. I understand these are background characters, but did I really have to be partnered with two walking cardboard boxes?

Why yes, yes I did.

I begin to mess with some clay. I need SOMETHING to do. I'm defence, meaning I'm literally here to make sure these two piles of bore stay alive.

'Legs… body… neck… head… wait.' I do a double take on what I made. At first I just stared at my creation baffled. Out of pure boredom I made the perfect land animal to ride on.

My inner gamer geek went wild with joy. Dropping it to the ground I let it land with a "POOF" and hopped on.

'Awww yeah!'

 _Meanwhile with Mr. Bland and Ms. Snooze_

Kana quickly looks over her shoulder, seeing that I'm not behind them looks over at Yuu. "Deidara's missing!"

"What?!" Wow Yuu, you finally talked. He also checked over his shoulder and stopped in his tracks, Kana doing the same, "Where did he-"

"I'M ON A CHOCOBO BITCHES, UN!"

Neither one had time to register the gleeful cheer as a mass of white feathers bolt past underneath them.

Hell yeah, I made a chocobo from the Final Fantasy series, and it is fast as fuck!

Too fast actually, looking behind me, and my poor teammates are unable to keep up. Aww. Feeling pity for them I made another chocobo "Hop on the bird, un!" Thank Kami they listened. Now they can enjoy the wonders of chocobo racing.

Now I just need the theme music and I would be happy. ( **AN: *humming the FFVII Chocobo Racing theme*** ) 'Thanks voice!'

 **Hiruzen's POV**

A soft knock on the door snapped my attention away from the dreadful paperwork. "Enter."

"You requested my assistance, Hokage-sama?" Hiashi entered my office with an emotionless mask, but I can tell he is curious. It's not everyday I request the head of a clan to do me a favor.

I sigh, "Yes… it involves Danzo." I watch as the smallest trace of disgust dance across Hiashi's face. After my conversation with Deidara, I am beginning to notice subtle reactions to my words. A twitch of the fingers, a faint frown. Small things that I have grown numb to with age now seem new to me.

"I request you discreetly use your byakugan on Danzo, and tell me the chakra color of his bandaged eye. He should be in his usual room."

Hiashi only stared at me for the longest time. After Deidara mentions how much time is spent with people just standing around and thinking, I am beginning to notice it too. Eventually the Hyuuga head spoke.

"Very well. But when I return you must answer my questions." With a nod of agreement from me, Hiashi calmly leaves the office, closing the door behind him.

Each minute waiting for Hiashi to return felt like an eternity. Pacing in my office, by the the time ten minutes have passed, my anxiety begins to take over as I am having sudden regret. I am putting my trust in a stranger to determine the fate of my old friend. Granted, the Uchiha massacre was under his orders and I have since shut down his movements.

If Deidara was right, Danzo may be facing his death in the near future. I saw the hatred in that boy's eyes. I felt so much killing intent radiating from his body that I could almost see how he plans on killing Danzo. Slow and painful. All he wants is Uchiha Shisui's eye, so if my friend cooperates he may live… but Danzo is stubborn, he would not roll over for a child's demands.

Then there is the matter of the Uchiha brothers. Deidara wishes to reunite them, but how? I am left in the dark regarding his plans. But I am guessing it has something to do with Shisui's eye.

My thoughts were interrupted when Hiashi returned, I didn't like the frustrated look on the usually stoic man's face.

"The chakra in his eye is green. There is also a foreign chakra on his right shoulder and seals on his right arm. I am unable to see what he is hiding there… Hokage-sama?"

I collapsed into my chair mid-report. All my head seemed to repeat was 'He was right…' over and over again in an almost maddening chant. Danzo was responsible for the death of Uchiha Shisui, the awakening of Itachi's mangekyo sharingan, and is the one who ordered genocide.

"Hokage-sama?"

I snap my head towards the man before me, right… his questions. "We had an agreement. Ask away…"

Hiashi hesitated for a moment, then hid it behind a stone mask, "Who told you about chakra colors? That is a clan secret of the byakugan that we do not tell our own clansmen until they are at least chunin." ( **AN: idk if this is true I'm just making it up for the plot! Hyuuga's are secretive anyway** )

"Are you familiar with Deidara?" Was my immediate response. The boy requested Hiashi, so he should be willing to explain everything.

He nods, "Ko informed me that Deidara talked with Hinata outside of the academy. Asking her to deliver a lunch to someone, but he was unable to hear who."

'Hinata? Deidara is already making his move, huh?' With a grave nod, "Deidara is the one you want to speak with. He is on a mission and will return in three days. He lives with Uzumaki Naruto."

"The Kyuubi vessel?" Hiashi's eyebrow rose in question. The Hyuuga's tolerated Naruto, but that's about it.

"Indeed. You can speak with him when he returns… ah… a fair warning… he is expressive." Without another word Hiashi bowed and left.

I lean back and stare at the ceiling. 'Deidara… a deal's a deal… don't make me regret this… please.'

* * *

This time skip was brought to you by me!

* * *

 **Deidara's POV**

'Kusagakure is… grassy. Huh, who would have thought? The village literally titled "Hidden in the Grass" was grassy! What a coincident.'

Okay, sarcasm aside using the chocobos took a fraction of the time to get there than expected. Then again, when you have large birds going at 140 km an hour, ( **AN: About 86 MPH, FFVII chocobos can be even faster** ) in a linear path, you'd have to be a complete moron to try and stop them... R.I.P. bandits from 15 minutes ago.

I had made the birds shrink back into figurines once we got to the village. As much as I WANT to scare the crap out of these guys, I just can't… yet.

We met our client, an ambassador hoping to strengthen the bonds between Kusa and Konoha, I guess. He seemed pleased that we arrived ahead of schedule. So I am to assume I am on either an A-rank or S-rank mission then? I dunno, I'm just pretending to be the uninterested teenager, who's more focused on his dango than the conversation. Which… I am. I hate politics. 'Damn these are good, no wonder Itachi will literally pout if someone eats dango in front of him!'

"Deidara-chan, you can go explore the village. Just don't cause trouble." Ms. Snooze- I mean Kana, giggled out.

I had to suppress a glare, 'Okay lady, I don't mind the "chan" as I am mentally a girl. But if you talk to me like I'm a little kid again I'M GONNA- Gah even thinking about her death bores me.' Standing up I trudge off muttering in english.

" _Stupid background characters, stupid mission, stupid 'Just don't cause trouble teehee' stupid- OH MY GOD I NEED THAT IN MY LIFE!_ " I halted at a store, making the shop owner shriek at my sudden booming voice.

Inside that little shop had something I never realized I needed until now.

A handmade Japanese wallet, with a maneki neko on it! Oh my Kami, it's so cuuuuuttttteee!

I practically bounced over to the shop owner and bought the wallet without hesitation. Poor lady was so confused, but didn't argue as I hand her the ryo.

Next, I went to a weapons shop and bought a set of kunai and shuriken, along with a care kit for Naruto. I want him to develop the habit of caring for his weapons. Also, his current set of weapons suck, so these will be nice replacements!

Seeing as how conversations for politics can last HOURS, I quickly go to them to interrupt the whole thing. At first the ambassador looked peeved, but realizing that I'm "just a kid" he lets it slide. Sometimes it can pay to be a kid… as long as no one talks about it… I'm looking at you Ms. Snooze.

"Kana-san, Yuu-san here." I hand them a frog and a bird sculpture. "Just incase something happens while I train outside the village, un. If the bird moves, that means to stay in your general location. If the frog moves, it means I am facing an opponent that I am struggling against and need your help, un."

Kana simply smiled, "Alright Deidara-chan. Be good!" You little…

Before I can explode with anger, I bolt outside the village. Best to stay away from them.

Though, the farther I was from the village, the louder my gut was screaming at me to return. I chose to ignore it. To calm my nerve, I began to quietly sing some Disney songs to myself as I enter a more forested area.

" _Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in-_ "

"HELLO!"

I all but jump out of my skin as I let out a manly -cough- not manly -cough- scream. Clutching my fist over my pounding heart, I begin to slowly go into the fetal position as my muscles were in pain from the sudden movement.

"Gah! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare ya kid. Here, let me help!" A gloved hand clutches under my arm and practically yank me to my feet.

'That voice… that hand…' All brain functions end as I'm being gently turned to face the all too familiar voice. I should know, he was almost always in the same scenes as Deidara.

Looking up, I am faced with a tall man… a tall man with an orange mask.

Tobi, also known as Uchiha Obito.

You know that feeling you get when you're extremely stressed? The "I need to vomit, NOW" feeling? That was me right now.

I've played a million scenarios in my head the past month. Things I would do and say to different chara-... people from this world. Tobi being a common thought. Make fun of his mask, joke around, or just flat out throw bombs and run away. In having to chose fight, flight or freeze I had planned on fighting or fleeing when I would meet him.

But instead, my body chose freeze.

'I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die. Runawayrunawayrunaway RUN!' I couldn't move.

Tobi tilts his head, in a way as if saying "Something wrong Deidara? Go on, I dare you to say something stupid." But he didn't need to say that. His body language spoke it all.

"Cat got your tongue?" The bastard had the nerve to chuckle.

I gulped, "N-no… J-just s-s-startled, un." I finally had the nerve to yank my arm away, rubbing it slightly due to Tobi's vice grip.

"Ah, sorry about that!" Tobi flails his arms childishly, "My names To-"

"Obito…" Shit… shitshitshitshit I did not just say that! I DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!

He froze, "Come again?" His voice dropped an octave. 'Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-'

"N-nothing! J-just a name of s-someone I knew." 'Damnit woman you are better at bullshitting! If you can't handle Tobi, how the flying fuck can you face Orochimaru?! Oh wait, because you see Orochimaru as a joke. This guy is an actual threat in your eyes!'

His voice returned to normal as his fist connected with his palm in a "I understand now" motion, "Oooooh I get it! Anyway, my name is Tobi! I'm part of the Akatsuki… well I'm kinda a newbie." He rubs the back of his head with a fake nervous laugh. Damn, this guy had an entire fanbase fooled for years?

I take a deep breath, 'It's okay. You're still alive. He just wants to try to recruit you.' "Y-yeah, un?" One of my hands buries itself in my clay pouch, feeding the mouth with clay as I focus a large quantity of chakra into it.

He nods vigorously, "Uh-huh! And I'm here on orders by our leader to recruit you, so what do you say? It's a super cool group where you can become strong!" His hand meets my hair and ruffles it, my ponytail in between his thumb and pointer. 'He's going to grab it if I don't move!'

Trying to act like an annoyed teen, I swat his hand away with a pout "I'm…" I breath again, slowly calming down "Not a kid, un. And I'm not going to join either. I like living in Konoha."

Obviously, he didn't like the response. As I could hear his sharingan activate. No not feel, I HEARD his sharingan ACTIVATE! This goddamn world kept all their sound effects so his eye made that "shing" noise!

I need to get back to my teammates. Screw boring political talk, screw bland background characters, I don't feel safe right now. I'd rather be bored and safe than in this situation.

Taking a cautious step back, my hand that was eating clay instantly grabs the other pouch that has my premade C1. Pulling it out, I'm about to make a run for it, "Leave me al-"

Suddenly, one of his hands wraps around my throat in a tight squeeze. I could feel myself leaving the ground, black spots dance across my vision as I'm forced to look at his sharingan through his eyehole.

The iconic deep voice ringed out from behind that stupid lollipop face, no longer is Tobi talking, it's Obito's turn now, "I don't really care how you know my name. But I want you to tell me what else you know, Deidara… or, is that actually your name?"

'HE KNOWS! Fucking shit how does he kno- goddamnit don't tell me I'm here because of fucking Kaguya or Madara! I will not play their fucking game!' I quickly began flailing my legs, trying to kick SOMETHING! 'Can't breath! Need to get away! Awayawayawayawayawayaway! _USE YOUR KEKKEI GENKAI WOMAN_!'

Using what little air I had left, I whisper the only thing that can save me in this situation, dropping both my arms, "K...Katsu…"

I activate about 15 C1s at once by dropping my pouch of pre-made bombs. Forcing Obito to use his ghost technique and the blast sending me flying backwards, allowing me to get away. Of course if he ran, I wouldn't be able to outspeed him.

That's what chocobos are for. Before I even get into the village I quickly try to dispel any genjutsu. Thankfully, it seems like there are none. I don't think Obito has ever used genjutsu, he's a sensor type*.

I managed to reach Kana and Yuu in a relatively short amount of time, nearly trampled some people, but I didn't care. Kana was the first to react, catching me as I roll off the bird.

"Deidara-chan?! What happened?! You're all burnt! And what's with the hand print on your throat?!" Eh? Looking down at myself, my arms and legs were bleeding from the burns my explosions caused. Part of my shirt was destroyed and I could see my stomach was also damaged, at least it wasn't near my chest. Guess I was too close to the blasts after all… that was a stupid assumption, of course I was too close. It was either risk the choking or massive burns. I took the burns.

"A...ambushed… K-killed and got… away..." Was all I could bullshit before my adrenaline wore off, and the searing pain took over, causing my body and mind to shut down.

I blacked out in Kana's arms.

 _The next day_

I woke up to three things. First was the constant bouncing motion of my scenery in front of me; guess I am on my chocobo. The second was that Kana was holding onto me as she controlled my sculpture, trying to keep it going at a relatively slow trot. Finally was the agony my entire body felt, I was sore as I try to twitch my finger, only to realized that I'm bandaged up so tightly that I'm all but immobile. I don't think you're suppose to tend to burns like this...

I must have made some noise of discomfort as a hand gently pets my loose hair… my ponytail is undone… how long have I been out..?

As if sensing my question, "You've been asleep for almost 24 hours Deidara-chan… Yuu went on ahead to report to Hokage-sama while I bandged you up. I'd say you did a pretty good job, the mission was a success and you did protect us from bandits yesterday." That was my birds doing, not me.

All I could muster was a quiet nod despite the tightness around my neck and allowed Kana's overall aura to lull me to back to sleep. ( **AN:your pick on if it's boring or calming** ) 'Shush voice. My head hurts…'

Maybe letting people treat me like a kid isn't such a bad thing after all…

* * *

Time to skip away the stress!

* * *

When I woke up again, I was in a hospital bed with a medic healing my burns. I tried to get up but was pushed back down.

"You're still injured Deidara-san. Don't move."

I chose not to argue with the single person that can make my healing either a breeze or a living hell.

The only sound in the room was the medic muttering about how my burns were not properly treated to. Guess some blisters broke at some point during Kana's treatment.

Thirty minutes of cleaning, and bandaging later the medic left and in his place was Hiruzen. Who was looking at the numerous bandages, and just overall state of my appearance with his mouth in a grim line.

"The Akatsuki sent their leader, un." Not a lie, but vague enough to not give away information. "The burns are my fault… I needed to get out of his grip…"

"That was reckless behavior. You should have stayed with your jonin teammates." Hiruzen attempted to scold me, but guess what? I'm not gonna take it.

"They would have been KILLED if they faced him… I only managed to live because they want me to join and…" I stopped mid growl and looked away. That was all he needed.

Hiruzen gave me a calculating stare, "They know?" I just nod. "How?"

"Dunno, un. I have my theories but nothing is set in stone." I wanted to change the subject. The idea of Obito knowing who I am doesn't settle well in my stomach. "So… our deal?"

Hiruzen obviously didn't appreciate my change of subject, but he doesn't speak. In fact he just lets his eyes answer my question. The tired, stressed eyes. I almost felt bad, his teachers… most of his generation… his students, all are either dead, abandoned the village, or they are plotting behind his back.

But then I remembered Danzo, and my sympathy is quickly crushed.

"I was right huh?" All he could do was nod his head. I didn't gloat, or brag, I let him have his moment of peace. He deserves that at least. "I won't take his eye yet. I'm not strong enough. You have until Naruto graduates the academy to make your peace with him, un." As much as I hate Danzo and want him dead as quickly as possible, I love Hiruzen and his grandfatherly care to his village, so the bastard gets to live a few more years.

Besides, I need to learn how to preserve Shisui's eye. The last thing I want to do is implant it onto myself to keep it safe. Sharingans are cool, but no way in the seven hells would I want one*.

Hiruzen seemed to relax at an instant. He realized that he had time to make things better, even if in the end the outcome stays the same. "Alright, I'll allow you to train wherever you see fit. However, on missions you are forbidden to be alone for any reason. I will also have someone fix your chakra seal, allowing you chunin level chakra reserves."

"Fair enough, un."

He begins to leave, but stops at the door, "Hiashi… will want to meet you tomorrow. I won't tell Naruto that you're back yet. You're a day ahead schedule, and I bet you don't want him to see you like this." With that, he left.

I groan, wishing I could sleep but I'm too wide awake. It took me a few minutes to remember that I still have clay in one of my palm mouths.

Spitting out the large lump of earth with a "bleh" I had to stop a gag at the noise. 'Deidara, I love you but your jutsu still grosses me out.' I clasp my other hand over it, letting my body move on its own. I never know what I'm going to make half the time.

Opening my hand I had to cover my mouth to stop a hysterical burst of laughter. Oh, the irony of it all!

If Obito hadn't grabbed my throat, I would have used a C2 dragon against him.

* * *

 **Side story #1: Hiashi**

Something is poking my arm… Something is POKING MY BURNT ARM AND IT HURTS!

" _OW MOTHERFUCK-_ Oh… good morning Hyuuga-san." Hovering over my bed is a branch member Hyuuga, poor guy looks like he just saw the Grudge.

He gulps, obviously never getting any warnings about how I can change my voice fairly quickly. "H...Hiashi-sama..." He coughs and regains his composure "Hiashi-sama asked that I bring you to the estate to discuss some things." Without warning the man scoops me up. In the process I see a clock saying 6 A.M. ...Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick, what is with these guys and waking up early?

Now, I have a big problem with this, one reason is that I just hate being off the ground. I like my feet to be on a solid surface as it gives me a sense of balance and free will.

The other reason?

I'm in a yukata being carried bridal style.

I may mentally be a girl, but I'm anything but girly. I'm that villain rooting, wearing jeans and T-shirts while calling my friends "dude" kind of girl. I have my girly moments, but in general I hated the idea of being treated like some dainty princess. And right now I feel like I'm being treated like a fucking dainty princess. And I'm a boy now to boot!

"Gah! Put me down, I can walk, un!" Too late, he's already roof hopping.

He only sets me down when we reached the Hyuuga estate, and more importantly some really empty as hell room with Hiashi sitting in the far, far back like this is normal. Great, he saw me being carried like some child, and I look like a mummy in a robe. Love the first impressions.

The background Hyuuga left without a word and I found myself automatically sitting on a pillow-seat-thingy. Damnit, what's with these guys and being intimidating?!

The room was painfully quiet, I couldn't even bring myself to make a sassy remark. But apparently the universe loves ice breakers.

I shivered.

Now, that may not seem so bad if it was a normal shiver. But somehow MY shivers got transferred to Deidara. Meaning it was a violent jerk of my upper body while I let out a sudden squeak. My best friend always had mild panic moments whenever these happened, and sadly, Hiashi seemed to have developed the same concerned expression. I swear I'm okay!

"Don't mind that, un. It's normal!" Maybe it's Hiashi is just being a dad, but that didn't seem to comfort him. Hopefully with my influence I can get him to be that happy grandpa like character during the Boruto arc. ( **AN:Look it up, it's… disturbingly sweet.** ) 'I know, right?'

"You wanted to see me?" Yay caught him off-guard. I love doing that!

Sadly it didn't last, "Hokage-sama had me use my byakugan on Danzo-sama. When I questioned him he told me to question you instead. Care to explain why? How do you know about the byakugan's abilities?"

Oh boy… how do I explain this to HIASHI? It's not like I can go the whole "This is a manga!" route because who knows how the clan would act towards me. So, I decide to poke at a clan secret. Make him think I just have a weird kekkei genkai.

"Kumogakure demanded your head after you killed the ambassador that tried to kidnap Hinata-chan, un. The elders decided to use your twin brother, Hizashi instead, as he is a branch member. When you tried to argue, he hit you in the gut with gentle fist and told you that he was doing this to protect you, the village, and to pick his own fate for once in his life, un."

Hiashi looked like he just met the Ghost of Christmas Past. He didn't accuse Hiruzen of telling me this, he couldn't accuse me of spying as someone would have saw me. He just, accepted this… pleasantly surprising if you ask me.

"What are you planning, boy? You are targeting Danzo, a councilmen and have information that you could be killed for possessing."

I tilt my head, somewhat stiffly, but I never break eye contact, "I know things that if left alone will happen, and I am here to change what I can. You must be wondering what the Hyuuga clan has anything to do with this, huh?"

"Yes actually, I wanted to know why you spoke with Hi-"

"Neji is killed protecting her, he died before he could reach 18, un." I interrupt him abruptly, I want Hinata to be strong, to be confident… but most of all I want that bullshit death of Neji's to never. Happen. EVER! Kishimoto kept killing off wonderful characters, and keeps the flat ones alive. WELL NOT THIS TIME!

The guy's whole posture changes. From serious to one of pure tension, I don't blame him. His nephew gets killed before he even reaches his prime. I would be pissed off too… oh wait, I am.

He glares at me, byakugan activated, "So you know the future?"

Whoa, no need to intimidate me! I'll talk. "A future, un. One that I am not happy with, so I want to change the timeline. What I am proposing Hiashi, is to help both your heir keep her title and not lose it to her little sister, but to also keep your nephew alive."

"... I'm listening. Speak." He is so demanding.

But oh, how I love the smell of change in the air. "Let me train Hinata in her confidence. I won't go near her taijutsu or overall actual training. And you need to speak with Neji. It's time you fulfilled your twin brother's dying wish, un."

* * *

 **I was originally going to have the conversation between Deidara and Hiashi to be in the next chapter and have Deidara meet Sasuke after the mission... but a lot of my original plan changed as I was writing and instead turned this into one of the side stories. This gives you all a good idea of how long the side stories are going to be, I love detail and due the sheer size of them, will not have them every chapter... but more or less whenever someone either throws out an idea or if a muse strikes me.**

 **This chapter was meant to have a ton more comedy between Deidara and Tobi/Obito, but as I was typing I realized that, that is not how I would actually react to meeting Mr. Lollipop. Orochimaru? Oh hell yeah, bring on the insults. But Tobi/Obito legitimately freaks me out. So you get to see Deidara face true fear for once.**

 ** **Final note: I am very bad at keeping my own secrets. Other's? Nope, wont get a peep from me. But I am too much of an open book to hide anything about myself, so after a while people are going to figure out about Deidara's secret.****

 ** ** ** *********** According to Naruto Wiki, Obito never uses genjutsu and states that he is a sensor type. So Deidara doesn't have to worry about being put under a genjutsu when facing him.

*I will NEVER give Deidara any special dojutsu, kekkei genkai, ect. If it is outside Deidara's natural elemental techniques then forget it ever happening, I hate it when SI or OCs get these power-ups without being born in that particular clan. If it's earth or some form of explosive power? Then it's fair game. I'm looking at you Toph from Avatar: TLA, I will learn to fight blind!

 **As always, reviews are loved and I am open for suggestions on side stories... trust me, you don't want my beta to pick all the ideas. They'll get crazy fast. Besides I like hearing from you lovelies! :3**

 ** **Mello out!****


	8. Ducks

**This chapter was... interesting to write to say the least.**

 **I just want to make something clear about this fic, this is NOT a Sasuke bash story. He is my least favorite character, but I am going to try my hardest to put my personal bias to just Deidara's thought processes and keep Sasuke as in character as possible while developing him. (This is why I have a beta to keep things in check X.X) That being said, I will never call him emo or anything like that, I mostly use "brooding" as a form of description as that is what he does most of the show... he just stares off and broods. Also Duck butt, but who doesn't call him that?**

 **Thank you again for the favorites, follows and reviews, I really appreciate them! :D**

 **MeiaAdey12: Glad that I got you off guard with Obito, I know Deidara didn't expect it. I have plans for Hidan/Kakuzu to show up in a later chapter ,but Itachi/Kisame are two that I'm not sure about. Also regarding Obito's knowledge about Dei... you'll have to see later on. :P**

 ** ** ** **DarkDust27: I know! She is so adorable! Every time I write her, I just die on the inside. Also yeah... No hope for Danzo, other villains? Maybe. That old bastard? Hell no.********

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

" _Blah"_ \- Talking outside a dream (No English this chapter)

 _Blah -_ Passage of time

" **Blah** " - Black Zetsu

 ** ** ** **Warning: Swearing, violence, psychological damage from Deidara, cute fluff. The usual. Oh! And sexy jutsu!********

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did, there would be an Uchiha disctionary. Seriously, how do you speak in "hn"s? I need to learn this!**

* * *

It's dark. I can't tell if I'm going forward, or even in a straight line. I'm just… walking in an endless corridor of darkness.

I can see a figure in the distance. Black and red, at first I couldn't make out who it was. But as I got closer the figure became more clear.

Itachi was standing with his back facing me.

"Itachi?" I called out in confusion, was this a genjutsu? It can't be, I haven't seen Itachi since the first day I came to this world. Must be a dream… I kinda like this. "Hey Itachi! How's it- AHHHHHH!" I screamed when he turned to face me. How is this possible?!

Itachi was smiling at me, but he didn't have eyes. Instead where two empty black holes void of any blood or life in general.

My breath got caught in my throat as logic and reasoning begin to leave my mind. Why is he missing his eyes?! If this is a dream… why would my mind cook up something like this?!

Itachi tilts his head and spoke, "Thank you for taking care of Sasuke." Before turning into a murder of eyeless crows, flying off into the darkness.

'Taking care of Sasuke? I haven't even met him yet!' Was my only thought process when a ray of light shone down on a spot. Another figure stepped into it.

It was Naruto, older and in his black and orange Shippuden jacket… Only he wasn't greeting me with a smile. His eyes were thick with tears as his face read betrayal. He was battered and bruised, like he was just through a rough fight, and lost.

"Deidara-nii… why, dattebayo?"

"What are you talking about, un?" My legs begin walking towards Naruto, but something stops me. A set of muscular arms hook under my arms, lifting me off the ground like a doll, the person's fingers locking together in my hair, effectively preventing me from turning my head on my own. Said hands add pressure to my head, forcing me to look down at myself, 'no… no no no NO!'

I'm in the Akatsuki coat. Ring, nail polish, the whole combo.

The hands make me look back at Naruto and the scene had transformed. No longer was it the dark corridor, but a cave. A cave with the gedo statue in the back, figures standing on its fingers. Naruto was unconscious as he begins to float. This was too familiar, it was too similar to when Gaara lost Shukaku.

"I must thank you Deidara." The person holding me whispers into my ear… it was Obito…

'No…'

"You wanted to change the timeline and you did."

'No…'

"We were able to capture the Kyuubi this time. All because you agreed to join us."

'Why would I..?'

"I should also thank you for Shisui's eye. It was so easy to make you think it was Itachi you were giving it to."

'Shisui's eye… when did..?'

"You succeeded in changing the timeline, but failed to protect those that you wanted to save."

"No… no this is just-"

"A bad dream, Deidara? Then why can I do this?" A sickening snap was heard from my body and I let out a painful wail. My shoulders were dislocated. My arms feel as though they are on fire yet they dangled uselessly in Obito's grip. Why was the pain so familiar?

Obito vanishes and I collapsed onto the ground, but all I see is Naruto floating in that ball of chakra as Kuruma is extracted from his body.

"NARUTO!" I forced myself up, I'm running. Running, trying to get to him, but everything seemed to be in slow motion. Before I could reach him, two white arms wrap around me and silver hair blew past me as the person stops.

Otsutsuki Kaguya is in my head.

"It's alright child…" Kaguya pulls me in... what I guess is suppose to be a loving embrace? "You did your best… but the outcome will always be the same… everyone will return to the great tree…"

" _Wake up…"_ Whose voice was that?

"You provided great entertainment for me… and now you deserve your reward… perhaps a happy world free from pain..." The chakra ball vanishes and Naruto's body collapses to the ground. The gedo statue begins to move.

"NARUTO! LET ME GO YOU FUCKING BITCH!" My body won't move. I can't get away.

Black Zetsu appears before me and forces me to look up. The moon of the Infinite Tsukuyomi entered my line of vision.

" _Please wake up!"_

"Just relax my dear…"

" _You're having a nightmare! Wake up!"_

Kaguya and Zetsu spoke at once "A **n** d **s** l **e** e **p…** "

" _DEIDARA-NII!"_

My vision goes white.

* * *

 **Naruto's POV**

"NARUTO!" My eyes snap open at the sound of Nii-san screaming my name, well he's just screaming in general. Thinking I'm late for school I scramble out of bed, only to realize that it's still dark.

"Why is Deidara-nii screaming then, dattebayo…?" I tiptoe out of my room. Nii-san is a light sleeper and wakes up the moment I get out of bed. But poking my head out of my room, I look down at his bed.

He's flailing in his sleep, whimpering out "no" over and over. His bandages came loose and I see his arms, burnt and damaged behind the white cloth. The thrashing seems to be causing him pain...

'What happened to Nii-san on his mission?'

I try to shake him awake, "Wake up."

Instead of waking up, Deidara-nii screams "NARUTO! LET ME GO YOU FUCKING BITCH!" I'm scared. Nii-san doesn't talk in his sleep, he doesn't move in his sleep, he sleeps like a log!

"Please wake up!"

Nii-san goes still as tears rolled down his face, he seemed to be looking up at something. His neck was curved.

"You're having a nightmare! Wake up!"

Nii-san just lets out a choked sob. I get close to his ear and yell.

"DEIDARA-NII!"

He wakes up, shooting up in a sitting position, I watch him look at his hands, breathing heavily. I've never seen him so afraid.

"J-just a dream… just a dream, un…"

"Deidara-nii?"

Nii-san snaps his head towards me, tears well up in his eyes as I am yanked into his lap and he wraps his arms around me in a hug. His hands clutch onto my pajamas as his face buries itself into my hair. He began rocking back and forth while crying.

He began muttering but I didn't understand what Nii-san was saying, he was speaking his weird code. Until he began repeating it in my language. Nii-san dreamt about me?

"Deidara-nii-?"

"I won't let anything happen to you… I promise, un. I won't…" I had to pat his cheek gently to prevent him from chanting.

I give him a cheeky grin and a thumbs up, "Don't worry about me! I'll be come strong and be Hokage, dattebayo! So you don't have to have bad dreams about me!" Nii-san gave me a dumb look but after sniffing a few times and wiping his face, he returns a tired smile.

I feel my mouth frown, "Deidara-nii, go back to sleep! I'll stay with you and chase the nightmares away!" All he did was nod, and lay back down holding me closely. It must have been a pretty scary dream then.

I stared at him for a while, before I notice some weird markings on his chest, and stitches…? He has another mouth? 'I guess he didn't want me to see that. So I won't talk about it.'

I get comfortable and fall asleep in my nii-san's arms.

 _The following morning_

 **Deidara's POV**

I'm mentally and physically exhausted. Once I woke up I had to rebandage myself, turns out the pain I felt was just me rubbing my burns raw. I'm going to have to see an actual medical shinobi to heal them.

But that dream… it was so vivid, not to mention frightening. I'm not afraid of dying, or the plot staying the same.

I'm afraid of what would happen if I failed.

I sigh as I flip some pancakes, oh yeah! I found someplace that sold regular flour! So WOOPIE! Pancakes!

Pancakes aside… It's going to take more than a nightmare to stop me from fucking with the plot. I just wish it wasn't so realistic...

"Deidara-nii, what did you dream about, dattebayo?"

Looking over to the focal point of said nightmare, I fake a sheepish grin, "I don't remember, un. But I'm glad you were there to wake me up, Naruto." I lied, it's best I don't worry him about it yet.

Thinking of a distraction, "Hey, Naruto it's saturday. How about we train this afternoon, un?" I need something to keep me from thinking about that dream.

The response was instant. "REALLY?!" One nod from me later, "YESSSSSSSSSS!" He proceeds to fist pump the air.

Damnit chibi, stop being so cute. "We'll start with taijutsu, and once I talk with Iruka we'll have you learn other kinds of jutsu... provided you finally do well on a test." Naruto's grades are still terrible, but they are getting better. I just wished he would study more...

"I know a jutsu, dattebayo! Made it myself!" He looks so proud of himself… oh dear.

"Oh? What is it, un?" Here it comes…

Naruto does a handsign, "TRANSFORM!" a loud poof and… oh god, I hear the background music and giggles, "Sexy jutsu~"

I don't even react. I don't understand how Naruko even makes these guys nosebleed so much. What I'm looking at right now, once the clouds faded, is no different from what I grew up seeing when I took a shower. It's not that impressive of a sight either.

Naruko giggled, "Will you teach me some jutsu, nii-san?" NOPE! I draw the line at him using sexy jutsu on me to get what he wants! ABORT ABORT ABORT!

"No, un." Why does he think watery eyes will work? And dammit kid, put on some clothes, please!

"Why not nii-san?"

"One: I am your brother so don't use this jutsu on me. And two: you still haven't gotten an 80 on your tests yet." 'And three: I'm attracted to men.'

Oops, I must have said that out loud. Naruto transformed back to normal with a "WHAT?!"

"I haven't found any nice girls that I like yet, only guys, un." I shrug.

Naruto smirks mischievously, "Oh, is that why you look like a girl-"

WHAM!

Naruto is now eating his breakfast with a comical bump on his head.

 _Later_

I went to the hospital to get my burns healed because I was tired of the bandages. Why I didn't do this sooner, I will never know. But at least I don't look like I'm trying to cosplay as the second Tsuchikage anymore!

Taking Naruto to my usual training grounds after making sure his weapons were all set. Reaching the area, I had to yank him backwards to avoid getting skewered by a flying kunai.

"What where you're going, dobe."

Oh hell no.

"Teme! What are YOU doing here?!"

Kami strike me down, please!

"Idiot, I train here too. And who's the guy behind you?"

I'm not mentally prepared to meet this character! Give me Kabuto, Pein, a filler character!

"My nii-san!"

"...Hn."

Fucking hell, I get to meet Uchiha Sasuke. And he's staring right at me.

Clearing my throat I give Sasuke a slight nod of the head, "I'm Naruto's adoptive brother. My name is Deidara, un."

He snorts, "Deidaraun?"

'You little shit… No wonders the fangirls like your brother more than you.' "I have a speech impediment, un. You start making fun of it and I'll start making fun of your hair."

Naruto looks at me confused, "What's wrong with Sasuke's hair?" Seriously? No one notices?

"It looks like the ass of a duck, un."

Total silence, Sasuke begins to subconsciously touching the back of his head and Naruto's brain going into overdrive to picture this.

Finally, Naruto falls backwards, dying of laughter as he points at Sasuke wildly.

Sasuke only glares at Naruto before starting to walk away, hands in his pocket. Nope! I just met you and I have decided that I want to make you friends with Naruto ASAP!

"Duck-kun! Where are you going?" I think I'm killing my brother.

"Away from you losers. I can't train when people weaker than me are nearb-" He didn't get to finish that statement because I knocked him off his feet and held a kunai to his throat.

"Weaker? Honey, I'm jonin rank, and I just knocked you off your feet, un. Instead of training by yourself, why not join Naruto and I on our taijutsu training? I don't think a wooden post will give you feedback."

Not sure if it's my logical reasoning or the kunai to his throat, but Sasuke agreed to the offer. I made the boys spar each other so I can see their weak points.

"Naruto you can't just charge headfirst to the enemy. And Duck-kun your posture is too stiff, un." The fact that Sasuke responds to "Duck-kun" is highly amusing to me and I don't know why.

Naruto flails his arms, "Well teme here," he points at Sasuke, "Keeps calling me names!"

I fold my arms with a raised eyebrow, "And what did you just call him right now?" Naruto shuts up. "I'm not taking sides, you both are seven, and thus still children. You have room to grow, un. Now, try sparing again. Naruto, this time look for an opening, and Duck-kun relax your shoulders."

The match lasted an extra minute, but Naruto still became reckless and charged headfirst into the fight. I pinch the bridge of my nose in exasperation. "Duck-kun, take a break. Naruto, run some laps, after five laps find some leaves and balance them on your fingers. You need patience and control." Naruto tries to protest, but a single crack of my knuckles sends the boy running.

Watching my brother run, I feel eyes glaring daggers into my back. Turning to look I find Sasuke, staring up at me.

"Your face is going to freeze like that Duck-kun."

"Hn."

Sighing, I pull out a lump of clay and hand it to Sasuke. "You lack the ability to relax. Make something out of this, un."

He doesn't take it at first, "Why should I?"

'Why do children insist on arguing with me?' "Because…" I pull a smirk, "Is the famous Uchiha clan afraid to try a little art?" He snatches the clay from my hand and begins messing with it, sitting down. Poking at a clan's pride always works.

I squat down to his level to watch, he has the hands to sculpt… but I was right.

He sucks at art.

However, his failure to make even a basic shape seemed to not only frustrate him, but make him stubbornly continue with the task. He actually begins sticking his tongue out in concentration. 'Haha! Not so easy now huh?'

Without even thinking I pull out some more clay from my pouch and let my palm mouths consume it. Sasuke sees this and his eyes nearly popped out of their socket, not expecting mouths on my hands.

"Don't ask, un." After the hand spits out the clay I clench it a few times and when I open my hand, sitting in my palm is a butterfly. "This, is my jutsu."

Letting the butterfly fly up a few feet in the air, Sasuke watches with that same dumbfounded expression. Reminds me a little of when he would watch Itachi train. Sasuke is still just a little kid, and if I can keep him from Orochimaru, so much hell can be avoided.

With an almost bored, "Katsu" the butterfly explodes. "This is also my art."

I could feel Sasuke swallowing his pride, it was like a kid trying to swallow a jawbreaker, it just doesn't work.

"... Can you teach me how to work with this clay?"

Now, mentally I'm doing a victory dance... But on the outside I simply smile and begin helping Sasuke move his fingers with the clay.

However Naruto, didn't seem to appreciate the art lesson, "Deidara-nii! Why haven't you taught me your art, dattebayo?!"

Without missing a beat, "Because you have the hands of a chef. Sasuke has sculpting hands."

Naruto gives me his closed eye confused face, "Really? Chef's hands?" He looks at his hands.

"Yep, whenever you help me cook, you do everything flawlessly. You have a natural talent in the kitchen Naruto." Giving him my trademark smile, all of his jealously melts away. At least he knows that I acknowledge his talents when it's there. I stand up and dust myself off. "Now Naruto, you spar with me."

The hyper blond fist pumps, "HELL YEAH, DATTEBAYO!"

He lost. Obviously.

 _One week later_

This ends up becoming a routine. The boys would go to the academy and I would either perform D and C ranked missions, or I would go work on my own taijutsu and chakra control.

After school ends I take them to the training grounds and have them spar, followed by one-on-one matches with me. Each time I would make them do exercises based on what flaws they showed during the matches. Naruto would often find himself balancing on various objects while holding things, and Sasuke would be forced to do yoga or work on some clay.

I had to write a letter to Iwagakure, it was very brief, just saying that I am alive and that I will visit soon. I was unsure who to write it to, so until then, I just kept it short, sweet and simple.

One day while taking a break, I give them some news. "Boys, I'm gonna be gone all day tomorrow and possibly the next day."

"Ehhh?! Why Deidara-nii, dattebayo!?" Guess who.

"There is someone I'm looking for if I succeed I'm taking them to Konoha. I also need to visit Iwagakure." I pause. "With your permission Naruto, I'd like to add them to our family. They... I heard they've lost... a lot in their life and I don't think anyone should be alone, un."

Naruto sits still, unsure of what to think of this request. I don't blame him. It's always just been him and me so far, so a third person seems daunting.

But, he eventually gets a goofy grin on his face, "SURE!" Ahhhhh, right in my ear!

Wincing at the volume I rub my ear to lessen the pain, "...Thank you, Naruto." I relax with a sigh of relief, that at least drops the drama for later on.

Earlier this week I had heard some interesting news, and decided that… If I'm gonna fuck up this plot. I need to stick my nose in affairs outside of Konoha.

And the news?

The Kaguya clan is on the move.

* * *

 **Side story #2: Hinata and Neji (During the week timeskip)**

I managed to squeeze in some time to work on Hinata's confidence. Working with this girl is going to be hard because I never hanged out with super shy people. All of my friends were social with each other. But I'll do what I can.

I stand in front of my student in a room inside the estate, smirking, "Ready to begin your training, Hinata-chan?"

She nods, "Y-yes!" She instantly gets into a gentle fist stance with her byakugan activated… oh sweetheart, we're not doing that kind of training.

"Good, now what I want you to do is look at me dead in the eyes…" She charges at me.

"And talk about yourself." I dodge her attack as she gives me a baffled expression. "Yeah… I'm not allowed to train you in taijutsu, un."

"T...talk about myself..?" Aww she pointed to herself! She's so shy.

"Yes, say the first thing you can think of about yourself. Now."

Hinata looks as if her stress level went from 0 to 100 in half a second as she tries to form a sentence.

"I…I'm t-timid-"

I then tapped her head. Just hard enough for her to feel it.

"Try again, un."

She gulps, "I… I uh…" Tap. "W...why are y-you t-tapping my head, D-Deidara-san?" Tap. "U-um…" Tap.

"Say something good about yourself. Something you LIKE about yourself, un."

She freezes, as if the world just shattered before her. I reach to tap her head when she spoke.

"I… I'm t-told I l-look like m-my mom…" She flinches expecting a tap. But when no tapping came, she looks up at me.

I have the dorkiest grin on the planet as I am internally having the biggest fangirl moment ever.

'She said she looks like her mom! HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HINATA?! My heart can't take it! Eeeeeeeee!'

Biting my lip, I pull out a mirror from a sealing scroll and hold it out to her. "Everyday in the morning, and then right before bed, compliment or praise yourself once. It can be as small as you having a good day in class, un." She takes the small thing and looks at herself.

Eventually, Hiashi enters the room to inform Hinata that it was time for her gentle fist training. Hinata, being formal around her father, bows to me and runs off to the Hyuuga training area.

A small nod from her father indicated that I'm free to leave. Turning to exit the gate I catch a glimpse of long brown hair in a low ponytail, hiding behind a tree.

… Well a quick visit won't hurt anything!

Speedingly, I make a beeline to the ponytail. Eventually, finding myself face-to-face with the one character the universe shits on as much as me.

Hyuuga Neji, and all his chibi adorable glory.

I would have fangirled, but… his depressed expression put any positive emotions to a halt. I kneel in front of him tilting my head, "What's wrong…?" I keep my tone soft. I'm guessing Hiashi kept his end of the deal.

"Nothing you need to worry about, miss…"

I smile and ruffle his hair, "I'm a boy, squirt." Almost instantly he tries to bow in apology but a hand to his forehead stops him. "No bowing please, un. It's weird."

After staring at me for a moment, his lips begin to twist into a frown. "You're Hinata-sama's friend. Why is someone like you talking to me?"

I scrunch up my nose, "Sooooo, you don't want someone to talk to, un? Okay, if you say so." I stand straight. "Just thought you heard something upsetting, and would let to get it off your chest, un." I begin to walk away, but Neji tries to grab me in order to stop me… sadly, he grabbed my hair, so now my body is bending backwards like a slinky. "Yes, un?" I'm basically the girl from the _Exorcist_ when she is going down the stairs.

With look of horror, Neji tries to fix me, "I'll talk, but please stop bending like that!" Kids really are open to stuff, huh? Or maybe it's because I'm close to their age.

Sitting down with Neji on the porch, I let him talk freely to me. Eventually, after talking about his father he just talks about the main family. Wow, he had a lot on his chest.

"Do you blame Hinata and Hanabi?"

He pause, lowering his head in shame, "Yes…"

"Have you ever talked to either of them?"

"No…"

"Do you have friends, un?"

"..."

"I see... I think you should talk to your cousins." I should have expected him to look at me like a gaping fish, but I didn't. "Hinata is timid, but growing stronger. Hanabi is young and impressionable, I think you should train and talk with at least Hinata and grow a bond, un."

He glares, "Why should I?" Good question Neji, but thankfully an easy one to answer.

"Well, they're family, right?" The glare drops, "Just talk to them. You can change fate just by growing bonds and becoming stronger together." I raise from my spot, and gave him a wink. "Trust me, they're not like the other main branch members, un." With that I left.

I never even had to give him my name.

* * *

 **Yay! Neji got introduced! In my head, Deidara is easy to talk to because he is not an adult yet. So instead of giving of an imposing aura, to these chibis, it's like talking to an older brother. That, or it's due to the maternal aura he gives off making everyone spill their guts out.**

 **But, holy shit! I said this chapter was interesting to write... I lied, it was the hardest chapter for me to do. I lost my muse so fast in the original draft that I'm 99% complete with the NEXT chapter! Minus the nightmare and waking up, everything else about this chapter was rewritten to be more organic. How Deidara and Sasuke met originally was so painful to write that the only way to enjoy what I was doing, I had to change it up. Hope you guys liked this version more than what I was going to write, I know I did!**

 ** **I added the sexy jutsu because Naruto uses that jutsu on EVERYONE and I randomly thought, "What would happen if he used the jutsu on SI!Deidara?" Because... let's be honest here, if I was in that situation, I wouldn't even blink. I'm immune to that kind of thing. Plus, it gave me an excuse to make Naruto extremely confused due to Deidara's slip up. I have no interest in pairings yet, so until then I'm just going to have him give off mixed signals because it's fun! XD****

 ** ** ** **Next chapter is almost finished, and well... let's just say it's going to mess with some of Orochimaru's plans. Also some more development on Deidara's views on certain situations. ** ** ** **Until then, reviews are loved and I'll see you guys very soon.****************

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **Bye!****************


	9. Family

**Yep! Another chapter in one weekend. I did say before that this chapter was 99% done so now that it is finished, I decided to post it. I had more fun writing this chapter anyway.**

 **Thank you guys for the reviews, faves and follows! They always make me smile with each notifications!**

 **ArmCannos34: haha, puns... love 'em. :)**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - thinking

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

 **Warnings: Naughty words, mini violence, cuteness and references (Yes, I am only just NOW warning people :P)**

 **Disclamer: I do not own Naruto, if I did I would have animated a fight between Madara and a drunk Rock Lee.**

* * *

 **3rd person POV**

Hiruzen was discussing this coming up chunin exam with a genin team, more specifically Daiki's team. When suddenly…

"Hey Hiruzen! I'm going to Kiri to handle some unfinished business, then I'll be off to Iwa, un! I'll be back in a day or so and if things go according to plan I'll be coming home with a kid! Please prepare some moving papers just incase! Naruto already knows! Bye, un!" Gee… guess who.

"Was that senpai? WAIT SENPAI WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" Daiki rushes out to chase Deidara.

The jonin looks at the Hokage with a raised eyebrow, "He speaks to you so informally…"

Hiruzen sighed in defeat, "He's like that." With that he calmly goes and opens a window, at that very second Daiki comes flying in the room through that window with a lump on his head and x's for eyes. 'I'm getting too old for this…'

 **Deidara's POV**

I used my chocobo to reach the land of water, it's faster and tramples bandits. The faster I can get to Kiri the better.

I don't care about the consequences, or the fact I may be running headfirst into possible death. How can I say that I'll change the plot, if I don't take an opportunity that is right in my face? I can't, that's how. So I'm steamrolling through a forest with a single goal in mind.

I need to nab Kimimaro before Orochimaru.

I don't know how old the information I got was. But if it's as fresh as I am lead to believe, then the chances of running into the bone wielder is very high.

I have to find him, for both his and Naruto's sake. Once I am given a headband from Hiruzen, I'll be on more missions and I have plans on training at an almost unhealthy level. I need to master C4 and develop my sensing skills before Naruto graduates. A bonus if I can figure out how Deidara trained his eye to see through the Sharingan. I don't want Naruto to come home to an empty apartment.

So, Kimimaro shall become another brother for Naruto. In return, Kimimaro gets a nice childhood with a loving family, that won't fucking experiment on him!

Just thinking about how he was used till the very end, I nearly missed a head of white hair. 'I mean come on! He died at 15-'

'Wait… white hair?'

I stop my chocobo with an almost car like screech and hopped off. Walking towards the head my heart melts, happiness fills my entire being at the sight before me.

Kimimaro is talking to the flower. Thank god, that's one life that won't be screwed up because of that Snake.

Speaking of snakes, I could FEEL a certain pedo-snake staring at me, most likely trying to pinpoint where he has seen my face before. 'Uh-oh, Kimimaro's getting mad at the flower. TIME TO INTERVENE!'

"You okay kiddo, un?"

Kimimaro jumps a foot in the air and twirls to face me in a defencive stance. Holding my gloved hands out to show I mean no harm, I walk over to the bone boy.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. You just looked like you needed an actual person to talk to, un." I give him a brotherly smile, the kind that I give Naruto when he's being a brat. It calms kids down for some reason. With a joking whisper, "I heard a rumor that flowers can't talk back."

Like magic, Kimimaro lowers his bone weapon and looks at me with a lost expression. 'Poor kid, he doesn't have a will to live… well, he would if Orochimaru had came out of the clearing a few seconds earlier. Too bad bitch.'

I calmly walk over and kneel besides the flower he was going to stab, "You like flowers, un?" He nods slightly, "They're rather artistic. Beautiful for a moment then they wither away to begin anew, un. A fleeting beauty, and a symbol of new beginnings." I feel so manipulative talking like this, but if it will keep Orochimaru away then so be it.

He doesn't speak, just stares at me, probably unsure of what to think of the blond boy talking to him. I hold out my hand, "My name is Deidara. I'm formerly from Iwagakure, but I now live in Konoha, un." He is now staring at my hand… oh lord, he doesn't know how to handshake huh? "It's a handshake. You take my hand like this," I gently take his hand "And shake." I move his limp arm up and down.

"...Kaguya Kimimaro…"

"Well Kimimaro-kun, where are your parents? You look like you just got out a warzone, un." I watch as he becomes downcast, my heart clenches up.

"They're all dead." Wow, way to be blunt. I must have a deer in headlights expression because he keeps talking, "My only purpose in life was to fight… now, I have nothing. Do you know what purpose is there in life?"

I can feel Orochimaru's killing intent on me, holy fuck is it powerful. It's like a snake is wrapping itself around my throat and constricting it… And it only makes me want to fuck with his plans even further.

I tilt my head, "Hmmm… a purpose? Never thought about that." Might as well use ONE thing Orochimaru would have said, "I honestly think we humans have no purpose. We steal from this earth and kill our own kind, un."

That only seemed to make him even more depressed. Time to throw my perspective.

"We have no purpose, but we all have a reason to live. Something that makes us wake up everyday to face the harsh realities, un." He looks at me in confusion. "I have younger brother who I live everyday to protect and raise. He became my purpose and my reason to live, un."

His eyes slowly shine with life. I decide to throw in my question, "How would you like to come with me to Konoha… and join our little family, un? It's small, somewhat dysfunctional, but it's full of love. Besides," I give him a wink, "I think my brother would absolutely adore you."

"..."

"If you want a purpose... Think of it as, you having people you want to grow strong with and protect." I stand and judging by his awed expression, I must have a fucking halo or something behind my head from the lighting… grrreeaaaattttt… just what I wanted to avoid.

I hold my hand out again, "What do you say, Kimimaro-kun?"

He shakes my hand without hesitation.

I couldn't hold back my gigantic grin, to Kimimaro, it looks like I'm just joyful. But in reality, I'm smiling at the man hiding behind some trees.

'Hahahahahahaha, fuck you Voldemort 2.0. I just got your most loyal subordinate and I am gonna give him all the love he deserves! SUCK IT!'

Standing up, I whistle my chocobo over and shrink it back to a figurine. Putting it in my pouch I pull out my C2 dragon. Overkill much? Why yes, yes it is. But Orochimaru's 15 feet away and I want to rub it in his face.

Kimimaro was startled by the giant dragon. At first he avoided it, but a reassuring pat on his head and a demonstration of how I have control, he got on without a fuss.

While he was climbing the dragon, I turn to face Orochimaru who is no longer hiding, and is just glaring at me.

I proceed to give him a mock bow, and rose with a "come at me bro" pose. All the while keeping Deidara's trademark smirk. I hop onto the dragon and take off. Dropping some bombs I yell out a "KATSU!", destroying the area.

Kimimaro looks at me puzzled, "Why did you do that?" He leans over the dragon to watch the smoke rise into the air. That didn't kill Orochimaru, but it gave him a reason to keep an eye on me. That's what I want, I want snakey to see me as a potential threat. Because I will be.

"Sorry, saw a snake and I have ophidiophobia, un." I lied, I love snakes. But not this snake.

"Oph...idio…"

"I have a fear of snakes, un."

"Ah."

I hand Kimimaro some onigiri from my bag that I had on me, "Here, eat. I have to go to Iwagakure before returning to Konoha, so rest up." Kimimaro takes the food without question and begins to quietly eat. Oh god, his cheeks are puffed out like a chipmunk.

'Damn it, why is everyone so cute?!'

 _Several hours later_

Me and Kimimaro spent the next few hours bonding, I talked about Naruto and a bit of my life. Kimi… he just spent most of his life locked up. Needless to say I ended up talking the most. At some point I made him take a nap, but he only fell asleep when I forced him to lay down and quietly hummed for 20 minutes. Good thing I know so many Disney songs!

I woke him up when we reached the Land of Earth."Kimimaro-kun… when we reach Iwagakure… I need you to just stay behind me and don't speak or act without my say-so."

Kimi gives me a puzzled expression and I sweatdrop, "I ah.. I'm not exactly on friendly terms with them. I'm only visiting due to an agreement." I subconsciously press my bangs over my mouth and look away, basically sitting in a thinker position. An old habit from my past life.

He nods in understanding and I land the dragon just outside of the village. Poofing the dragon into its miniature size, I hand it to Kimimaro, "Here, watch over this, un." Wow, he's taking this seriously as he gives me a firm nod. 'Honey, I just want you to hold the dragon, I'm not asking you to hold onto S-rank secrets- aw fuck it, you're adorable.' Kimimaro clutching a clay dragon to his chest is possibly the cutest thing I have seen since Naruto discovering pancakes. Just less messy.

Within mere seconds of going near the village three figures literally float down to us. Gently pushing Kimimaro behind me protectively I smirk, "You guys certainly know how to make an entrance, un!"

Before me was Onoki the Tsuchikage, and Deidara's former teammates Akatsuchi and Kurotsuchi… Seriously, their names are so weird. ( **AN:I keep reading their names as "Akatsuki" and "Kuroshitsuji" in my head.** )

"Cheeky as ever Deidara. Even with becoming a missing nin you haven't changed." The old man boasts towards me.

Kurotsuchi skips over to me with a pout, "Deidara-nii! I want to see how strong you've become. I haven't seen you in forever!"

'And I've seen you never.' Was all I could think looking at the younger girl. 'Why do girls think pouting works? You just make me want to poke your cheeks.' And so I did, I poked her cheek, using my nail.

"Ow! Why did you do that?!" Kurotsuchi rubs her cheek overdramatically. 'Seriously, I am immune to things trying to be intentionally cute. You're making Daiki look like a newborn puppy.'

"You were being annoying. There's nothing cute about puffing out your cheeks like a fugu, un." I fold my arms with a frown. "I'm not here to battle or cause problems. I'm only here on orders from the old man, once this visits over I'm going home to my brother."

Onoki noticed that, "'Brother', Deidara?"

One of my arms move like I'm swatting a fly in dismissal, "Before we talk, can I at least get Kimi-kun some new clothes?" I hear the younger boy behind me mutter " 'Kimi-kun' ?" and cling to my shirt when all eyes focus on him.

Kurotsuchi looks at Kimi in interest, "Is that your brother Deidara-nii?"

"One of them. I'll send a photo in my next letter if you'd like, un." Without warning I toss all of my clay and weapons to Akatsuchi, "Feel free to search me, but considering I am now a member of Konoha and we have a deal Onoki-sensei… You guys don't have much power over me, un."

I take Kimimaro's hand and walks past them, Kurotsuchi chases after me claiming that I'll "Pick out ugly outfits!", leaving Onoki and Akatsuchi standing there baffled.

Onoki grumbles, "I see he's become even more of a cheeky brat… but it seems like he has found something in life besides his… 'art'."

Akatsuchi just nods.

 _Time for shopping!_

'Ha! I can pick out nice clothes!' Was my only thought process as I kept picking out outfits for Kimimaro to try on. I kept the colors to soft purples and greys, with designs that make the tops easily removeable due to Kimimaro's kekkei genkai. Though I sent the last Kaguya to pick out his own yukatas and pajamas. If I had control over that, he'd end up looking like a girl… tempting really.

Kurotsuchi, however, didn't seem to understand my choice of clothes. "Nii-chan! Have him try on this!" She then holds out the standard shinobi garb of Iwa, tight red top with one long sleeve and a pair of red pants.

I had to suppress a gag, I love red, love it to bits. But that red looks like a brick threw up and died on it. It would dull out Kimimaro's bright green eyes!

"Hell no, un. It's ugly, would make Kimimaro look like joke, and it would get ripped up in a matter of minutes on the battlefield or get him killed."

She gasps, "No it wouldn't it's designed to not get damaged easily!" She proceeds to pout again.

'Do we girls really act like this…? Or is just exclusive to anime...?'

I calmly grab a soft blue kimono shirt for Kimi, "Exactly, un. He uses bones to attack. It would limit his abilities to fight." I ignore her questioning stare as Kimi approaches me wearing a child's yukata.

He nervously fiddles with the sleeve as he waits for my approval. Grey pinstripe with a modest obi, he blushes as my eyes begin to bug out. It's not the prettiest color, I'm tempted to make him wear a girl's yukata. But his eyes pop in contract almost giving him doe eyes.

I break my "do not fangirl around others rule" at that moment, "Kimi-kun look at you! You're so adorable!" I make an unmanly squee sound as I scoop up my new brother and twirl the poor child in my arms. If Kimimaro is this cute in a yukata then I need to take Naruto shopping when we get home. "Oooooh promise me you'll keep your hair long, un! You look just wonderful!"

 **3rd person POV**

Conveniently, Onoki and Akatsuchi entered the shop just in time to see DEIDARA of all people, squealing like a girl with a smaller kid in his arms.

All three Iwagakure shinobi watch this display with the same confused thought.

'What happened to Deidara?'

Onoki quickly did a few handsigns, and confirmed that, yes, this is Deidara. But he is still tempted to check the boys head. No one changes this suddenly within a year.

Deidara sets Kimimaro down and pays for all the clothes, sending the boy off to get dressed in a new outfit. "What?" Deidara crosses his arms in annoyance as his former teacher and teammates look at him like he's grown another head.

"You okay Nii-chan?" Kurotsuchi puts a hand on Deidara's forehead. "You've changed." She just gets her hand batted away.

"Isn't me changing a good thing though, un? No one in Iwagakure liked my art and when I decided to improve myself I was branded a traitor. I get I stole a forbidden jutsu, but honestly, it compliments my kekkei genkai, un." Inside Deidara's head he is trying to think of SOME kind of jutsu that he could use with the explosion release, and came up with nothing.

Onoki spoke next, "That jutsu was forbidden for a reason. You were foolish to use it."

Deidara shrugs with a meh face, "And now Konoha has a new powerful shinobi. Your guy's loss I guess, un. I have people I want to protect and I plan on talking with the Hokage about letting me earn a headband." The moment Onoki began to scold Deidara, an aura of pure apathy oozed out from him and filled the room.

Kurotsuchi was upset, Deidara didn't even seem to care about his old life. She was happy that he had people in his cared about, but on the other side, he seemed to have turned his back on Iwa.

 **Deidara's POV**

'I feel awful. How do you talk to people you have no memories of?' I only know about this world from what was shown to the viewers. We don't know Deidara's past all that well and here I am, expected to actually know these people. When I woke up in this body, I never received Deidara's memories. I don't even know if he has a family here.

I'm left feeling apathetic to Kurotsuchi's upset expression, Akatsuchi's confusion and Onoki's growing frustration. These are just strangers to me. I never invested time in understanding Iwagakure. Hell, I'm more emotionally invested in filler characters. FUCKING FILLER CHARACTERS!

The fact that they arrived in the show so late adds to my lack of fucks given. I was going through a phase where the show was losing my interest, most of the Akatsuki was dead and Kabuto had yet to reveal his edo tensei. Revealing who Deidara's sensei and teammates were, only left me sitting in my chair bored.

I let out a tired sigh, I didn't want to come here. But I have to keep my agreement with the Hokage and Tsuchikage. But they never said how long I was suppose to stay. So when Kimimaro returned I give him a soft smile.

Looking back at the three before me, I calmly bow, "I thank you for greeting me at the gates. But I must return to Konoha and help Kimimaro-kun settle. I will write again with some photos and I'll visit later. Hopefully when we meet again you all will understand that I am a different person now, un." The formalities felt odd on my tongue but it got my point across.

The Deidara they know is long gone.

Onoki was the first to protest, "We had a deal Deidara! You will come to my office and we will discuss everything that is needed to be discussed!" He tries to stop me from exiting the store.

I look at him with a cold expression, "You never said how long I had to stay, and to be frank, you lost your chance the moment you tried to scold me for developing my art, un. You'll get another chance later when I visit, try not to make this mistake again." Nudging the small man to the side, I take Kimimaro's hand and leave the village.

Making a simple bird this time, I have us fly to Konoha. I'm relieved that I get to go back to the place I now call home, with my new ragtag family and ever growing army of chibis.

I should be happy, so why…?

Why won't these tears stop?

* * *

 **A mini skip in time**

* * *

"Nii-sama."

"Deidara-nii, un."

"... Deidara-nii sama"

"Kimimaro-kun, stop with the 'sama' please, un."

"I will not. You are my elder thus you are nii-sama."

"If you keep calling me 'Nii-sama' I'm going to give you pet names."

"Do as you please, Nii-sama. My life is yours." He bows his head low towards me.

This has been going on for the past ten minutes. Despite taking the kid from Orochimaru, he STILL got the whole idolization trait. Hell, the conversation started with him addressing me as "Deidara-sama"... I AIN'T NO "Deidara-sama"! It took seven minutes to stop the Deidara-sama part, and another three to get him to use the brother honorifics.

I throw my hands up in frustration, "I give up, un!" The kid is almost as stubborn as me! He's just more polite and adorable about it.

Thankfully, Konoha was in the distance. Landing the bird, I have an earth clone go retrieve the paperwork from Hiruzen as I take Kimimaro home.

I am instantly greeted with a hyper blond tackling me. It's good to be home.

"Welcome home Deidara-nii! Guess what! Teme and I were sparring and- who's that dattebayo?" He points over to Kimimaro who's just watching the exchange.

"This is Kimimaro-kun. Kimimaro-kun, this is Naruto."

Kimimaro just looks down at Naruto, makes me realize how short he is compared to other kids. Kimi is only a year older than Naruto but he's already at my shoulder, and I'm tall for my age!

"Hello Naruto-san."

At first, Naruto does his closed eye frown, before pointing at Kimi dramatically, "You're the reason Deidara-nii left, huh?!"

"Pardon?"

WHAM

"Owowowowow Deidara-nii, what the hell dattebayo?" He rubs his head, no bump but he definitely felt that.

"Naruto, it's rude to point at people." I shoo Kimimaro to go explore and kneel to Naruto's height.

Naruto looks at me curiously, "So he's the one that will join our family?"

A simple nod was all he got, it's better if I let Naruto judge Kimimaro for himself.

"Ah… fair warning Naruto, Kimimaro-kun is… rather quiet but he's a good listener, un."

When Kimimaro returned Naruto gave him a long look. I bite my lower lip at how silly his face has become, and how Kimi is just letting this happen.

Soon, Naruto gave Kimi his sunshine smile, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! It's nice to meet you Kimi-nii, dattebayo!" Oh thank kami he didn't scream. It's almost 9 at night and I don't need pissy neighbors… Well, we are moving tomorrow so screw it. Be loud, my little Kit!

Slowly, Kimi's mouth twitch upwards, Naruto's smiles are so contagious, it's impossible to not return one. But what made me happy was the expression on Kimimaro's face. A similar face I had gotten when I first met Naruto. A look of fierce protection and the blooming feeling of adoration.

I can tell Kimimaro is going to be an excellent big brother to Naruto.

I clap my hands together, startling the kids, "Alright chibis, bedtime!" Without argument Naruto bolts to get ready.

I go to the closet and pull out the futon, "Kimimaro-kun, you'll take the futon until we move tomorrow. I hope it's comfortable, un."

He looks uncertain, "Where will you sleep?"

"The couch, un."

He becomes blank faced, "No Nii-sama. You're taking me in, I can't possibly take your be-" Nope! I am not taking any arguments!

I peck his cheek leaving him baffled and red faced at the sudden affection. "You're adorable. But seriously, you're sleeping on the futon and that's final, un." I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I hear the kitchen sink running meaning Kimi's doing his nighttime routine. But what I saw when I went to the living room after tucking Naruto in, annoyed me.

Kimimaro was laying down… On the goddamn couch.

Obviously, I'm not about to let him sleep on that stupid thing. I go to the kid and scooped him up, went to the futon, and all but dropped him onto the plush bedding. Before he could get up or protest, I tuck him in, turn off the light and all but make a mad dash to the couch. I could hear him make an annoyed sound right above my head before begrudgingly go back to the futon. Ha, I win!

He's gonna learn two things. 1. How to be a kid. And 2. What I say, goes.

Though, I didn't appreciate waking up four hours later to find myself in the futon and him on the couch. How did I sleep through that?

Knowing he's going to be adamant on me sleeping anywhere but the couch, I force him back into the futon and bunked with Naruto. He didn't care and just snuggled in my arms.

As crazy as this is becoming… I honestly love this little family I am creating.

* * *

 **Woohoo! Kimimaro got adopted! But just because Orochimaru lost Kimimaro does not mean he will be unable to create the curse seal. Like with Sasuke, there are plenty of people that would be able to calm Jugo down.**

 **Kurotsuchi is a character that really does not mean much to me, I feel as though Kishimoto shoehorned her in when he realized how little backstory Deidara had. Also her personality in this chapter is based on what young anime girls act like towards other characters. She'll mature later on, don't worry. ;P**

 ** **Important notice: I am still taking suggestions for side stories but also, in the chapter after the next one I will be time skipping to Episode 1 of the anime. This chapter will be written similar to the Kakashi chapter where it jumps across time with random events/updates of progress. This is a good chance for you guys to have any say-so to who Deidara interacts with before the main storyline begins. The chapter will be a fairly long one and if needed will be broken up into two chapters. Go nuts! If you want more Daiki, you get more Daiki! Run in with the Akatsuki? Depending on who, then sure! It's almost five years, there is A LOT that can be done with that.****

 ** **Until next time, reviews are loved, and I look forward to hearing from you guys! :D****

 ** ** ** **See ya!********


	10. Lessons

**Another long chapter! This, and the next several chapters are going to be pretty lengthy ones too, (pray for my beta XD) so look forward to that!**

 **Thank you so much for the favorites, follows and reviews guys, I may poke fun but it's because they make me so giddy to see!**

 **MeiaAdey12: I love the support. I had a hard time debating on what Naruto orphan I was going to have Dei adopt. Kimi made the most logical sense due to timeline and also there is no way in hell I'm gonna let that muffin get taken by the Pedo-snake. Expect bonding in general this chapter and a nice little treat next chapter. :3**

 **allykat5: awe indeed. ^^**

 **VenaHope: Congrats on being my first reviewer to give me the "PLEASE UPDATE!" review! Love that you are looking forward to my chapters hun! Hope this one makes you happy! :D**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - thinking

 _Blah -_ Passage of time

 **Warnings: Swearing, trigger warnings included in the side story just to be safe, fluff, fangirls, OOCness and references galore!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did… Sakura would be a lot less pink.**

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I have no idea why I woke up in Naruto's room. It's a bad mental habit, I'll sometimes forget events from the previous day for a few minutes. Guess whatever happened resulted in Naruto become my teddy bear for the night.

Slowly, I remove myself from Naruto's grip and climbed out of bed. I stretch until I hear the satisfying pop of my spine, then relax my muscles with a sigh. Yep, this body does not like mattresses at all, every part of me aches.

I begin to make the slow shuffle out of the room, though I was interrupted mid-yawn when my foot catches under something and I trip. Landing face first onto the ground, I hear a younger voice yelp from under my legs… wait, Naruto's in his bedroom… waaaaiiiitttttt, who did I trip on?!

Bending my legs, I awkwardly twist my neck to look at a small boy with white hair looking at me with a mix of confusion and worry. I spend a good ten seconds of staring for my slow brain to register what happened.

I adopted Kimimaro. He is in my futon and I tripped on him…

Shit, I just kicked a chibi.

My maternal instincts go into overdrive as I twirl around and begin checking him. "Kimimaro! I'm so, so sorry, I completely forgot about yesterday and I didn't mean to kick you! Oh Kami, are you okay baby, un?" I think my panic shut down the poor kid's brain due to overstimulation. I don't blame him. This is probably the first time someone has fussed over him.

"I… I am fine Nii-sama, are you hurt? You landed pretty hard." He regained his composure and stopped my fussing by grabbing my wrists.

I blink a few times, "Yeah… yeah sorry, I'm overly emotional in the morning, un." I give him a nervous laugh. Quiet footsteps catch my attention and I look to see Naruto rubbing his eye. Aw… I woke him up.

"Deidara-nii… wha…" He yawns, "What happened…?"

I can't help but smile at how cute he's being. "It's nothing. Why don't you and Kimimaro go get ready for the day while I make breakfast? Kimimaro can take the first shower, un." We're all boys, so I don't mind the whole using the bathroom while another showers, thing. But, I still lock my door when I bathe, I am not ready to see any naked males anytime soon besides my own body… okay, I am done with bathroom talk.

Naruto sleepily nods and leads Kimimaro to the bathroom. Poor kit, he usually doesn't wake up for another hour. But then again, we also have to move today.

Going to the kitchen I prepare some fruit salad and honey for breakfast. The fruit won't survive the move, so I need to make sure we eat all of it. I also took the time to prepare several lunches, mainly cause I'm going to introduce Kimimaro to Sasuke and Hinata.

Sealing the lunches in a scroll, I call out, "Chibis! Breakfast!" Naruto bolts into the kitchen, at first he seemed disappointed at the salad. But then I shoved a strawberry into his mouth to shut him up and he was happy with the honey taste.

Kimimaro entered the kitchen with damp hair and a fresh outfit, I click my tongue in disapproval. "Kimi-kun, do this, un." I then bend forward, flinging my hair in front of me.

He mimics the position and I grab a towel and wrap his hair up in a turban and had him stand up. At the very least he won't drip water onto the floor.

After eating breakfast I hand the boys scrolls, "Put all of your things over the seals then call for me when you are done. This is easier than putting everything in boxes. The furniture stays, un." They both nod and scramble to do their tasks. I have a clone handle my stuff while I fill out the paperwork for the moving.

An hour of packing and cleaning to avoid a pissy landlady later, and we reach our new apartment. I entered the place first to make sure there wasn't any mold or pests. Pleased when I saw none, I let the boys pick out their rooms… note I said "rooms".

I had Hiruzen agree to a two bedroom two bath apartment. In my head, Kimimaro would get one room and Naruto the other. Apparently the kids didn't get the memo.

"Boys, I said pick out your roomS." I hiss out the s sound for emphasis.

Kimimaro was the first to start the argument, "Nii-sama, where would you sleep?" When I point at the spot between the rooms, he crosses his arms. "No. You take one of the rooms, Otouto and I will share a room." Naruto beams at being called otouto, and promptly joins in.

"Yeah! You always sleep outside a room and you should have a space all to yourself, dattebayo!"

"But-" I was interrupted by two sets of glaring eyes. 'They're going to force me to sleep in one of those rooms eventually huh..?' I sigh, "You two get the bigger room, un."

At least they were satisfied with me agreeing to have a room. I move the other bed into the boys rooms and we spend the rest of the morning unpacking and organizing things. Though the apartment was still pretty empty, as it was twice the size of the previous one, that and Kimi and I do not own much stuff.

Checking the time I call out to them, "Naruto! Kimi-kun! We're going to meet up with Hinata-chan and Duck-kun to train, un!" I hear Naruto cheer with glee as he bolts to where I am. Kimimaro is just confused.

"...'Duck-kun' Nii-sama…?" He tilt his head, most likely picturing a literal duck.

The hyper child bouncing right next to me begins to rapidly talk to Kimimaro about Sasuke. Good to know Naruto is already becoming fond of Kimi.

Reaching the training grounds, Hinata and Sasuke were already waiting for us. I had a clone do some errands while we moved, and telling these two to meet us up made my life easier.

"Hey Hinata! … Teme..." Naruto cheerfully greeted Hinata but then glared at Sasuke. It was normal, Sasuke would just return a glare, then they would turn their heads away, noses in the air. It's like watching two tsunderes interacting with each other.

"H...hello Naruto-kun…" Oh praise the universe, we only had one pause! The exercises are working! Hinata seems to be taking my advice to heart, good.

I cough into my hand to get their attention, "Hinata-chan, Duck-kun, this is Kimimaro, un." I motion to the boy hiding behind me- wait, why is he acting shy? I nudge him out of his hiding spot. Can't hide behind my figurative skirt all the time, sweetheart.

Kimimaro cautiously waves, "Hello." Before looking up at me. I then lightly nudge the small of his back with my knee to make him walk over to them.

Hinata nervously greeted him, but Sasuke just glares. Guess he wants to test the Kaguya boy.

"I want all of you to spar with each other. Kimimaro, spar with Sasuke. Naruto you spar with Hinata-chan, un. No jutsu, no kekkei genkai, keep the weapons to kunais, no throwing. I have a first aid kit with me and I want everyone to swap partners every few rounds, un." With that I then sat under a tree and signaled for everyone to start. I would join in, but I had other matters to attend to.

My clone appears by me and hands me a bag with something that I will either regret, or thank myself later with.

A thick blank journal, with a pen.

Black leather bound with 400 pages, specially made with the ability to seal words with just a couple drops of my blood. I saw this bad boy within the first week of being in Konoha and have been saving up since. I had it custom made to be fireproof, so unless Itachi decides to use Amaterasu on it, I don't have to worry about my art destroying it. ( **AN: Horcrux much?** ) 'Shush voice and go away.'

Taking the pen I begin writing, the circles and lines come naturally to me as I write in English. I don't trust my memory to remember everything about this world. So I'm writing everything while it is still fresh in my mind.

I want to preserve all of the information I know about this universe, both its people and the timeline. Naruto's section took almost ten pages, biograph and all. It's going to take weeks before I finish this book. But I plan on having the characters to be scrambled, so Madara's page would be right after Tenten, just so it's harder to decode. That, and I'm gonna have a index on page 394… my inner Harry Potter fan squealed at the idea.

I sneak a glance at the kids and they had long since swapped partners, Kimimaro is patiently moving Naruto's arms and legs, teaching him stances. This made me smile, he's taking the big brother role to heart.

Hinata and Sasuke however, are just going at each other. Shuriken and kunai are flying in each and every direction, and Hinata was using her byakugan while Sasuke spammed fire jutsu. Well, that explains why my brothers are a good 50 feet away. You can hear calm bamboo flute music between the boys… and it's just a war zone between the clan heirs, I swear I can hear Sephiroth's theme song in the background.

I had to get in between the two when a kunai nearly impaled my neck. "LUNCHBREAK, UN!" I think I nearly gave them all heart attacks.

I hand them all their lunches, Sasuke was pleased when he saw sun dried tomatoes with pasta. Hinata got an adorable bento lunch with some pre-made cinnamon rolls. Kimimaro, since I had no idea what to feed him, got a high calcium lunch with a rich green salad and some cooked fish.

And Naruto…

"AW SWEET! RAMEN, DATTEBAYO!" I decided if everyone else got their favorite food, he should too. Thank Kami that scrolls can preserve heat, and thank Kami for clones, so useful.

I kept my lunch to some leftovers. I got extremely lazy with my lunch and I wanted chicken.

Maybe I should have been reborn as Shikamaru, at least I would get to keep my birthday.

The whole affair was peacefully silent. No awkward tension, no negative feelings, just the sound of nature and the occasional comment on the food or someone's taijutsu skills. At some point Hinata tried to apologize for her and Sasuke breaking my rules but I wave it off, as long as no one got hurt I was fine with it. Once the boys were done eating, I hand them papers and pens.

"Write down anything you need and/or liked to have in your room. We will not get everything at once, but it will give me a good checklist, un." I pause, "Kimimaro if you argue I'm going to make you wear a dress, un." I poke his stomach when he opened his mouth to protest. Problem is that, if I told him to wear a dress, I am pretty sure he would!

...I am now tempted.

After lunch, Hinata had to leave due to the fact that she promised to train with Neji. My heart soared at that news, he took my advice and talked with his cousins.

When Hinata left, Naruto was just frowning, "Who the hell is Neji, dattebayo?!" Whoa, he has steam coming from his ears.

"Her cousin."

He then deflates faster than a popped balloon. Haha! He is starting to develop feelings for Hinata… I hope. He still talks about Sakura a lot. Kimimaro seemed interested in Neji, as he enjoyed his spar with Hinata. Guess I have some introductions to do later on.

I offered to walk Sasuke home, but he simply handed me the box that use to hold his lunch and leave. "The least you could do is say thanks Duck-butt!" Crap, I'm killing Naruto again.

"Why do you call him Duck?" Kimimaro was looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"Seriously, why am I the only one that notices his hair looks like the butt of a duck, un?" Naruto's clutching his stomach from laughter. Maybe I should stop… he's gonna barf at this rate.

Kimimaro and I both patiently wait for Naruto to stop laughing, the kid nearly passed out at one point.

Once things had calmed down I take both boys out shopping. I started with the basics, clothes. Kimimaro had plenty of outfits, but Naruto needed some new clothes because his growth spurt is going to be soon. So, I took them to the store I usually shop in, as I like the quality and the pricing was fair.

The shop owner greeted me with her usual smile, I politely return it while nudging Naruto and Kimimaro to the yukata section. I am unaware of what she thinks of Naruto, but it's best to be safe than sorry.

And then the lady's daughter latches onto my arm. Yep, I have a fangirl, I don't even know her name and I don't care. This happens everytime I come here after the third visit, the girl is about a year older than me, but apparently she has a thing for blonds.

Sadly for her, I don't have a thing for brunettes… or women in general. Unless you're Anko or Konan, but that's personality.

I let out a heavy sigh, "Please let me go, un." 'Don't kill, don't kill. You like this store's clothes, you do not want to make a scene. Do not attract your brothers' attentions.'

"But Deidara-kun~ It's been too long! Tell me about your missions!" It is NUZZLING my shoulder! My entire body bunches up like something covered with germs was touching me. A shiver runs up my spine. Nope! I do not like fangirls! This is not a good thing! I'm a fangirl, but I would never cling to the object of my affection like a leech!

I try to keep an unimpressed expression, "I can't, I have some errands to do, I'm sorry, un." It is so hard to be polite. I'm use to overly affectionate people, but I just want to get away from this girl! I NEED AN ADULT, UNIVERSE!

"Yo!"

'Kakashi I love you, I love you so so so much I would kiss you if you weren't over ten years my age and wearing that goddamn mask. Did anyone ever tell you that you are a fucking saint?!'

Without warning, I twist myself to face Kakashi, the girl lose her grip from the movement. "Kakashi-san! Hello!"

He pretends to be oblivious to what he just witnessed, "Hokage-sama wishes to speak with you. I'll escort you there."

'Yep… I want to shower this man in kisses and admiration.' I quickly nod, "Alright, but my brother is still picking out a yuka-" Something tugs my sleeve. Looking down Kimimaro is holding up a… oh jesus.

A bright orange yukata covered in flowers with a dark blue obi. Naruto picked out a girl's yukata… Well, at least it's cute.

"Nevermind, un." I cautiously take the bright object and buy it, I see Kimimaro discreetly escort Naruto out of the shop. Crisis avoided.

"Deidara-kun! Promise you'll visit soon~"

I then grab Kakashi by the arm and drag him out. I hand the bag to Kimimaro, told them that I'll catch up later, and got the fuck out of there.

I need a new store to shop at. I'd rather be around Daiki.

 _One walk later_

I enter the Hokage office to find Hiruzen, a stack of paperwork and a small parcel on top of it.

I give him a questioning gaze and he takes a drag from his pipe.

"These are official adoption papers for both Naruto and the Kaguya boy. Once you are of jonin rank in Konoha's eyes, you will fill these out and they will be completely under your guardianship."

I pause for a moment, "But I'm not a Konoha shinobi, un."

He motions towards the parcel and I open it. Well well well…

It was a Konoha headband, with a black cloth instead of blue.

"I was able to get approval for you to be a chunin, with you having to wait until you are 14 to become a jonin."

I was taken aback by this. All I could do was bow, tie the headband on my forehead, pick up the paperwork and walk out while Hiruzen chuckled at my baffled expression.

Kakashi tilts his head at me, "Congrats. You're-"

"I'M A KONOHA SHINOBI, UN!" I was now jumping for joy squealing like an actual fangirl. Who cares if I'm Deidara?! I'm a motherfucking shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village!

I ended up hugging Kakashi, who awkwardly pats my back, unsure of what to do.

I let him go and with a giddy smile and a very violent bow, I run off to my apartment. Seeing the boys approach me wondering why I look like a serial killer, I tackle both boys in a tight hug, smothering both of their heads in kisses.

Naruto wiggles away, "Gah! Deidara-nii?! What's wrong with you?"

I can't stop smiling. I point at my forehead, instantly Naruto starts cheering while Kimimaro just stares blankly at me.

"Can we have ramen to celebrate, dattebayo?!"

I freeze. He just had ramen for lunch. I look down at my brother… before grinning like an idiot.

"Why the hell not, un!"

* * *

 ** **Side story #3: Iruka and Sakura (One year after Deidara's encounter with Obito. Credits for ideas in the authors note at the bottom.)****

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS:** **Hostage and kids in dangerous school situations. (The kids are not in actual danger, but it's best I give everyone a fair warning.)**

Naruto forgot his bento, AGAIN! I swear he can remember in detail how to make food, especially ramen; but to remember his own damn food? Of course not!

"Nii-sama, would you like for me to deliver otouto's bento to him?"

I look over at Kimimaro with a sadistic grin, "Nah, it's been a year. Time to embarrass him, un." Kimi merely nods, takes his lunch and leaves to go to his class. Kimimaro is a year behind due to his childhood, putting him in Neji's class. I often see the Hyuuga boy training with my brother, though it looks more like dancing than fighting. At least they both found each other in friendship.

Reaching the academy, it didn't take long for me to hear Iruka yelling at Naruto for one of his pranks… Wait, he pranked someone and didn't tell me?! Oh hell no!

I nearly scared the shit out of everyone when I slam open the screen door shouting, "NARUTO DAMMIT, STOP FORGETTING YOUR LUNCH! Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, un." I fake an apologetic smile to Iruka, who was clutching a hand over his heart. Poor guy.

The scarred shinobi quietly observed me before looking at Naruto, " Go back to your seat, I need to speak with your brother." the blonde sighs in defeat. He grabs his lunch, but not before I snuck a kiss to his cheek earning a "DEIDARA-NII!" And several students laughing at his expense.

Stepping out of the classroom, Iruka closes the door, "What did you need Sensei, un?"

"You can just call me Iruka, Deidara-san." Iruka bashfully begins to scratch the side of his face, "Well, I need a favor."

I motion for him to go on.

"This is my first year of teaching and..." He sighs, "Most of the civilian students are not taking the idea of being a shinobi seriously. Especially the girls, who almost always spend their time gossiping or watching Sasuke. I uhh…." he claps his hands together, "Could you maybe teach a lesson on shinobi life?"

"...So you either want me to make these kids take this lifestyle seriously, or scare them enough to make them quit, un?" Honestly I was surprised, but then I remembered that Iruka is a new teacher. This isn't the Iruka that risks his life to protect Naruto, this is an Iruka who has no idea what the hell he's doing. I can relate in a way.

After he nods, I smirk evilly, "Alright. I have an idea, un. So here's the plan..."

 **3rd person POV**

Naruto was glaring at his classmates grumbling to himself about Deidara embarrassing him.

"It's not so bad N-Naruto-kun…" Hinata whispered reassuringly to Naruto. Hinata and Naruto have become close friends, and a year of Deidara's training has made Hinata more confident. Though she still slips up every once in awhile and stutters.

Naruto still has a crush on Sakura, but whenever someone bothers Hinata, he becomes extremely protective of her.

Somethings are hard to kill, that one-sided crush was like a cockroach.

Naruto nods pouting, 'Gah she's right... Deidara-nii actually tries to take care of me. I just wished he wasn't so… so… feminine acting. He's a brother, not a mom.'

Naruto's thoughts were interrupted when Iruka and Deidara re-entered the room. Hell, everyone went quiet as the same thought rang through their heads: 'Why did he come back?'

Iruka coughs, "Class. This is Deidara, a former Iwagakure shinobi, now Konoha chunin, who will be teaching you about the shinobi lifestyle." He then sat down at his desk. Many of the students begin bouncing in their seats with excitement.

Deidara develops a kindergarten teacher's smile and claps his hands, "Okay, so who here already has a shinobi relative or had a shinobi relative?" All of the clan kids, a small handful of civilian kids, including Sakura and Naruto raised their hands. "Perfect. Then feel free to ignore this lesson unless I call on you directly, un."

Kiba whooped and Shikamaru almost instantly slammed his head against his arms to take a nap. Most of the other kids either started to talk to their friends or the studious ones like Sasuke, Sakura, Shino and Hinata kept listening. It didn't take them long to realize that this was a test.

With an even, but threatening tone Deidara continues talking, "Congrats! Those who decided to talk... can get the hell out of the classroom, as your chatter would be a disturbance, un." One glare was all it took for those students to shut up. "Thought so. So Iruka-sensei has given me free reign to talk about whatever I want, so I'm going to do that. First step is the kekkei genkai."

All of the clan kids instantly straightened their backs, except for Shikamaru, who is out cold.

"Kekkei genkai are special chakra natures or techniques that are passed down through the generations. From the Hyuuga clan's byakugan, to special natures like the lava release, each of the five great nations have a number of rare bloodlines within them, un. Konoha having the most and Kiri having the least."

A civilian student raises her hand, "Why does Kiri have the least?"

Deidara looked at the student dead in the eyes, "Because those with kekkei genkais are slaughtered on sight, un." The mood quickly turned grave. "Anyone born with unique abilities are killed the moment they are discovered. The Yuki clan is all but extinct, the last few are spread thin to keep their last few members safe. In fact, my other brother is the last member of Kiri's Kaguya clan, un." A few kids begin whispering about Kimimaro.

"That's why clans are so secretive here in Konoha, rarely letting outsiders in. Other villages would risk war for their unique chakra. Kumogakure being one of them; they have attempted to kidnap those from Konoha with the intent of studying their bloodlines, and most likely breed the kekkei genkais into their own village, un. And no, I am not saying every shinobi in Kumo is bad. If you accuse me of such I'll beat your tiny ass into next week, un."

Several clicks from kids closing their mouths just now occurred.

Shino calmly rose his hand, "Do you have a kekkei genaki?"

Deidara put his hands on his hips, "That I do Aburame-kun, I have the explosion release kekkei genkai, un." Everyone was now paying attention… except Shikamaru, who is still sleeping. "It actually relates to my next topic: The shinobi lifestyle."

Without warning the blond rose his arms and showed off his palm mouths, earning screams from the girls and a mix reaction from all of the boys. Naruto, Hinata and Sasuke just sigh, those chibis were already use to the palm mouths.

"I was not born with these, I stole a forbidden jutsu that allowed me to knead my explosive chakra into clay. I was then branded a traitor and a rogue shinobi to my old village, un. I became a shinobi at the age of seven, by the time I was nine I became a chunin, and I left my village almost two years ago as a jonin. I have murdered, and flatten villages with my jutsu, un."

The air was thick with tension, as a few civilian kids begin to show regret about becoming a shinobi.

"Konoha is at a time of peace, but the threat of war and imminent death looms over all shinobi. Once you are a shinobi and on the battlefield, it's no longer all fun and games. Your greatest rival may be the one to save your life, un."

Naruto and Sasuke exchange glances.

However, some of the civilian students begin to stop paying attention. Mutters between them can be heard, some girls are talking about boys and a "This is boring…" reaches the bomber's ears.

"Ladies, don't be shy. Raise your hand if there is someone in this very room, that you have a crush on, un."

Almost instantly 90% of the female population raised their hands giggling, even Hinata was timidly raising her hand. Of course when Naruto saw both Sakura AND Hinata raising their hands he begins to glare menacingly at Sasuke. Obviously getting the wrong idea.

Sasuke returned a glare, 'Dobe, Hinata likes you. Not me.'

"Well, seeing as you girl's were able to pay attention when I mentioned love... you should pay attention now. Sasuke-kun, I would like to talk to you in private, un."

"Hn." Sasuke gets out of his seat and leaves the room with the bomber. Everyone was confused but some of the more aware students became suspicious.

Choji begins to shakes Shikamaru away, "Shika, I think something bad is going to happen..."

Shikamaru just grumbles awake and sits up, "Troublesome, everything will be okay." He then cracks his neck joints and slumps in his seat. Choji begins to munch on some chips to calm his restlessness.

Suddenly shouting was heard in the hallway, followed by some thuds and the screen door being thrown off.

A tall man wearing a plain white mask entered the room, a katana strapped to his hip and Sasuke being dragged inside by the back of his head. Deidara was nowhere in sight, but the hallway had splats of a red substance on the walls.

Everyone was either shouting at the man to let Sasuke go, or suffering from the bystander effect. Even Naruto was frozen on the spot.

Iruka shot up from his seat, pulling out a kunai out but freezes when the man does a handsign, "P...paralyzation jutsu… d-damnit!"

The man finally spoke in a powerful, booming voice, "Listen up. One of you kill your sensei, or your classmate dies." All of the fangirls in the room began crying from the emotional stress, many of the boys were unsure what to do. Kill their sensei? Impossible! How did this guy get into the academy?

Finally someone moved. They threw a branch at the man.

The one to throw the branch was Sakura, standing by a window where a tree was nearby. Terrified for her own safety, took the third unspoken option in order to protect her classmates and the boy she loved.

Take down the masked man.

At an instant Hinata activated her byakugan and got into a defensive position, eyes flickering with confusion for a moment. Naruto had to be held back by Kiba and Choji so he didn't fling himself at the man. Many of the clan kids grabbed kunai and shurikens from their backpacks. Hell, even a handful of civilian students got ready to attack.

The masked man pulled out his katana and pressed it to Sasuke's throat. "Pinky, you want to save your boy? Face me head on if you dare." Blood started leaking from Sasuke's neck as the katana pricked him. Sakura face morphs into fear as she sees the red liquid.

"How about you break your jutsu instead?" Suddenly, the masked man's shadow turned black as Shikamaru calmly sat in his seat. The man began to mimic the Nara's posture, dropping Sasuke who is also caught in the jutsu.

Naruto looks at Shikamaru confused, "What do you mean Shikamaru, dattebayo?" Everyone was also sharing the sentiment.

Shikamaru sighed, "Isn't it obvious? That's just your brother in a henge and Sasuke's playing along. Why do you think Hinata looks so confused?"

Naruto looks at Hinata, who looked unsure about the whole thing.

The man lets out a laugh, "You really are a bright kid, Nara-kun. What do you say, Iruka-san? Sasuke-kun?"

"I'd say Shikamaru and Sakura handled that with flying colors." "Hn"

A collection of "WHAT?!" Rang out as everyone looked at the back of the classroom.

There stood Iruka with a bashful smile, and Sasuke nonchalantly checking his nails. Kiba and Choji release Naruto, who goes to wildly shake Sasuke while flipping out. Hinata slumps in her seat relaxing, she noticed everything the moment she activated her eyes.

Soon the masked man and the other Sasuke turn to earth and crumbled away. And the Iruka at his desk poofed into Deidara.

"That students, is what shinobi risk everyday for the rest of their lives. And most of the time, at least one of them doesn't return home alive, un."

 **Deidara's POV**

I spent the later part of the morning explaining why I scared the piss out of everyone. At the same time praising the students that acted properly to the situation. The red stuff was just tomato juice from a vending machine.

I was inspired by Kakashi's lecture he gave Team 7 in the anime, where he threatened Sasuke's life after the bell test. But the school environment made me more uncomfortable, as this was extremely close to home with my old life. I had to keep reminding myself that guns have not been invented, and that everyone with chakra could do worse damage with a single handsign.

By the time lunch rolled around, I heard half of the civilian kids in that class were asking to be transferred to a regular school. It explains why by the time the show starts the classroom only has about 20 students. News of this will spread and more of the kids unqualified to be shinobi will most likely transfer too.

Better that they stay alive and living productive lives than be death fodder if you ask me. I want to keep the body count to a minimum if possible.

I sit down with Naruto and Hinata for lunch, Sasuke went to go eat somewhere else, as he doesn't like being bothered by fangirls. Kimimaro was preoccupied training with Neji nearby, promising he'll eat after a few rounds.

"Hey, Sakura-chan!" Naruto waved excitingly at the pinkette in the distance… staring right at me.

'Here we go again…' Time to manipulate another kid. Damn, I should have been reborn as Sasori, I feel like a puppet master- 'NOPE BRAIN! Shut the fuck up! He's even worse than being Deidara!' With a sigh, I stand up and walk over to the girl.

"Can I help you Sakura-san-"

"PLEASE TRAIN ME TO BE A BETTER KUNOICHI!" Sakura screams, bowing low as her face was bright red. Holy shit, the kid got a pair of lungs!

"...Why should I, un? Minus when you threw a branch at my clone's head I have yet to hear anything good about you." Harsh, but true. She's so bloody useless in the show and rarely uses her abilities minus healing. But if I can get her to focus on being stronger… She is an earth type, I know some jutsu that she can learn.

"I… I want to be able to protect Sasuke-kun! I don't want to be standing helplessly on the sidelines! Please train me!"

"No, un."

I have never seen hope crash as fast as hers. "Your entire posture and appearance tells me you care more about your looks than your strength. I heard you are on a diet," info from Sasuke, "and I just don't see the point in training someone who doesn't even have a goal or someone they strive to be like, un." As I turn to leave, Sakura grabs my sleeve. Better than my hair, I'm looking at you, Neji.

"If I figure out my goal as a shinobi, will you train me?"

I stare down into those mint green eyes, just what I wanted to hear. "Fine, but you also need to have a balanced diet. Eat what your parents feed you and pack some food for training. In fact, go ask some adult kunoichi on what you should eat. Find a goal or hero by tomorrow and I'll train you, un." I pause in thought, "Oh, and don't bother Sasuke when we train. At. All."

Sakura hesitates but nods and runs off to the library. Well that worked out.

 _The next day_

Sakura approached me, hugging a book to her chest. She nervously shuffles her feet and holds it out.

It's a book on Tsunade.

At first, I just let her think that I would reject her. I can't help myself, I'm a sadistic asshole.

"This weekend. Bring kunai, shuriken, a water bottle and wear clothes that you don't mind getting all dirty and sweaty in. I do not believe in going easy on the first day, un." With that, I turn on my heel and left.

* * *

 **The side story is super long, but like I said, I am a sucker for details. The idea of Deidara teaching the students about shinobi life was suggested by** **Queen Mo-Freakin, though I added the Iruka and Sakura bit so Dei would meet some new people. The whole hostage bit I added because they suggested that Dei try to desensitize the kids and in my head… that means to scare the shit out of them! Cause let's be honest, the shinobi life is not all butterflies and rainbows, but is instead full of murder and lies. They have to be exposed to this stuff sooner or later.**

 **I put in that trigger warning because things like school shootings and hostage situations are a very real and very sensitive topic. I just wanted to be courteous to any of my readers who may have been in those situations. I'm so sorry if this made anyone upset.**

 **Ebony sword also PMed me mentioning Choji and Shino, so I gave them little cameos to start with. Don't worry though, I'll give them a lot more screen time later in the fic!**

 **I'll also be including a segment where Kimimaro and Neji meet and become friends in the next chapter. Don't know why, I just thought they would be cute as buddies.**

 **Remember, the next two chapters are just a collection of stories/progress reports on Deidara up until Naruto and the gang graduate. So expect lots of random events! (But who doesn't love random?) And long chapters! :D (Again, pray for my beta.)**

 **Reviews are loved and I will see you guys in a while. It will take me some time to finish the chapters, so don't expect an update for at least a week as I am busy with school.**

 **Byebye!**


	11. Time (part 1)

**Sorry! Had to fix this chapter's title cause fanfiction seems to hate the / mark for some reason.**

 **Woohoo! This was a wild ride to make and a living hell for my beta to read.**

 **We reached over 100 follwers! This is amazing, thank you guys so much for the support!**

 **allykat5 and Ira: Since you two have similar requests I'll answer at once, I do have plans for Karin, but I won't have her appear until the Chunin Exams, so sadly Karin's mother will already be long gone by then. (I didn't even realized she had a mom at this point in the show, I never watched that filler episode) But Pedo-snakey will lose yet another powerful research subject from my meddling! :D**

 **Zeak106: Glad you are enjoying the story!**

 **ArmCannos34: Thanks luv :3**

 **Mari: You, and me both. Soon, very soon. Like, in a few chapters soon. X3**

 **Guest33: I take absolutely no offence hun, I love hearing from people. Right now the only person that knows about her is Hiruzen; Hiashi just thinks that the SI has some freaky kekkei genkai and Obito is hinted but unconfirmed. It's a double-edge sword, the more people know, the more freedom she has to change things, but also becomes a bigger target to be captured and tortured for information. Plus it's in character, as she is bad with personal secrets. I'm so happy that you like how the SI is written though. Naruto being confused is mostly because he is a kid, and children being raised by older siblings often have these kinds of behaviors, he'll get use to her being both a brother and a mother eventually, it's his first time having a family, he'll adjust. And finally, for pairings or gen fic: OOOOOOOHHHHHH it's definitely going to have pairings! I am going to be shipping people off, that's why the SI is making Naruto spend time with Hinata, so their relationship is more healthy when they are older. Any other characters are either hinted or unconfirmed for a pairing. (Like Sasuke) The SI will be later in the story (I've been heavily hinting, but it's open for changes), right now she is focusing more on her family and murdering Danzo. Thank you for the review, this caused my brain to think a lot!**

 **Tawnypelt37: I'm glad I'm getting positive responses to the demonstration, I was really nervous about typing it as it is a very serious situation. Thank you for smashing my worries with the happy hammer! ^^**

 **silverwolf310: This interested me greatly as I can see the potential, I might just have to have Deidara go find Oro's lair and snatch them up before they become loyal to him. They are already Pedo-snakes's prisoners so it's a matter of finding them.**

"Blah" - Talking

'blah' - Thinking

 _Blah -_ Passage of time

* - Explanation in AN down below.

 **How the dates work:**

 **Year is how many years the SI has been in the Naruto world. So year 1 is the first year of coming to this world and so on.**

 **Months are pretty self-explanatory, "Year 2, month 1" means the event takes place in January. If a month doesn't show up, that means nothing in particular happened. (I am rarely going to skip months)**

 **For the sake of my brain, the SI was reborn the same day as the fanfic was posted.**

 **Warning: Swear words, sexual jokes, violence, cute fluff, OOC moments... let's see... OH! Hidan is in this chapter! ... nuff said, it's Hidan.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto! Honestly, if I did we wouldn't have to wait over 15 year to see Kakashi's face. -.-**

* * *

 _Year 1, month 3_

Naruto finally got an 80 on one of his tests. He came home with a beaming smile and excitingly proclaimed that I owe him jutsu training.

So I did, I took him outside and helped him perfect his substitution jutsu. I even taught him how to use other objects when in non-tree areas. ( **AN: Where do all those logs come from?** )

...I'll have to write an apology letter to the ANBU after my visit with Kurotsuchi and the old man.

 _End of month 3_

Naruto bolts out of the house to meet up with Shikamaru, Choji and Kiba, it's good that he is making friends without my influence. He needs to be able to stand on his own. I had to chase him down to give him some snacks though.

Returning to the apartment I look over to Kimimaro, who's just sitting on the sofa reading a book. He needs friends, really badly. A lightbulb appears above my head as I get a mischievous grin, "Kimi-kun, I'm going to the Hyuuga estate, wanna come with, un?"

My brother looks up at me for a moment, before springing into action. He's so eager to go wherever I go, a "no" was impossible for him to give to me.

I let out a small laugh before taking him to the estate. Hiashi had everyone remember my chakra and face so I don't get attacked whenever I enter the front door. Thank Kami for that, the last thing I want to do is accidentally blow up a Hyuuga. The butterfly effect would be catastrophic.

Ko was the first person to greet us, Hyuuga men I guess just do not age well. He's my age, yet he has the face of an adult. I would say I'm jealous, but I like my youthful glow… shit, I'm spending too much time with Gai.

"Hinata-sama is waiting in her room… uh, who is that?" Ko points at Kimimaro, who has learned that unless he wants to get kneed in the back, he'll stand next to me and not behind me.

I give him a disarming smile, "This is my other brother Kimimaro. I brought him here to meet Neji-kun, as they will be classmates in a few days, un." Sadly, I couldn't justify him being put in a class with kids his year. Kimimaro would be more behind than he already is, plus I do not know who he would graduate with. It's better he just graduated late and be able to catch up. Having him be there during Naruto's first chunin exams would be helpful as well… and another chance to smugly rub it in Orochimaru's face.

At first Ko looked unsure, but Hiashi appeared out of thin air, "It's fine Ko, take the boy to my nephew. I'll escort Deidara myself." Ko quickly bows to the Head Hyuuga and with a nod from me, took Kimimaro to the training grounds.

As I was walking with Hiashi he gives me a mini progress report, "Hinata is starting to hold her head higher, she is still timid but… I expect by the time Hanabi is old enough, Hinata will keep her title. There will be no need for them to fight."

All I did was smile and nod. I knew she was making progress, but Hiashi admitting I was right fueled my ego a bit. And I love my ego.

 _Two hours later_

Hinata and I went to the Hyuuga training grounds, she nearly fainting when I told her to yell at me. Guess she's not ready for that juuuuust yet.

Reaching the specified area, my brain could only think one thing.

'Is this a battle… or a dance off?'

Before me is Kimimaro and Neji fighting, each one gracefully twisting their bodies to dodge each other's hits. The Kaguya and Hyuuga taijutsu movements were in harmony with one-another, as they both used their kekkei genkai to best each other.

It was a even match.

I wish I could play music just to see if I could get the boys to dance. This made me wish these two fought during the Sasuke Rescue arc. As much as I love drunk Lee, imagine the beautiful animation we would have gotten!

Sadly, they noticed our presence and stopped their fighting.

"Why did you stop? You two were fighting so beautifully! Go on." I motion my hand for them to continue, "We're just watching, un." I calmly sit next to Hinata who had made tea, 'When did she make that..?'

Neji had to bend his body backwards, as Kimimaro almost instantly began to continue where he left off. It didn't take long for the Hyuuga boy to join in.

Observing the kids closely, I realize that they are SMILING! Two normally stoic, serious characters, were smiling like a couple of nerds at a convention. It was so precious I wish I had a camera.

Note to self: Buy a camera, or make Deidara's scope and input a camera.

 _End of year 1_

I made my scope. PICTURE TIME!

 _Year 2, month 1_

It's New Year's. I am definitely out of my element when it comes to how this holiday is celebrated in an Asian culture. Being American meant annoying fireworks, red, white and blue EVERYWHERE, and lots of drinking from the adults. Seems like in this universe, it's more of a festival and food ordeal.

I decided that instead of just awkwardly trying to wedge my ragtag family into the festivities, I would take them to get their photos taken. Kimimaro already seemed overwhelmed by all of the lights and different yukatas, and Naruto was uncomfortable with the close quarters. Maybe next year.

I help Naruto into his eye-burning bright orange yukata, and Kimimaro got himself dressed in his grey yukata. I allowed him to keep his hair down for this, as putting it up would look odd and none of the hair accessories went with his clothes.

I had gotten myself a blue kimono with silver and white flowers sewn in, with a nice silver obi. Do I look girly? Hell yeah! Do I care? Hell no!

Naruto just looks at me skeptically, "Are you sure you are a boy Deidara-nii?" Poor kid is so confused about my gender.

"Naruto, you have seen me naked. Yes, I am sure I am a man, un." I also have this really deep voice and my lack of boobs should be enough hints.

I take them both to a photo shop, I had booked a spot a while back. Since no one apparently does pictures for New Year's in this village, I had gotten a nice spot where the trees still had leaves and there was a body of water in the distance.

The boys took their picture with each other, it was just a cute "hold each other's hands" photo. I then took photos with each of them. Kimimaro's was more of a traditional Japanese family photo; where as with Naruto, it was me kissing his cheek while he tried to get away.

Finally, I kneeled to both of them and brought them into loving embraces. Having the two of them face the camera, in a soft whisper I say the one thing that is long overdue in their ears.

"I love you."

Our family photo was Kimimaro resting his head on my shoulder, with a peaceful gaze. And Naruto crying, but with a big smile on his face. I'm just smiling, with nothing but love in my eyes.

 _Later that same month_

I gave the boys their late New Year's presents. Silver lockets, that can hold three pictures. Each brother got a picture of each other, one with them and me, and then our family photo. I already had mine around my neck as I helped them put theirs on. I specially ordered both lockets to be resistant to chakra, and Kimimaro's had to be reinforced with stainless steel just incase his bones try to cut it.

At least now, we each have a piece of each other close to us.

 _Year 2, month 2_

 **Naruto's POV**

I skipped class with Choji, Kiba and Shikamaru, it was fun just relaxing and eating snacks. Though Iruka-sensei caught us and we got scolded. Who cares? Well… Nii-san does, but he's busy today! And class ended early within minutes of us returning anyway, so what's the point? It's not my fault a paint bomb exploded in the teacher's staff room… heheheh.

Kimi-nii's class doesn't end for another half hour, so I sat on the swing by the academy and watched as kids got picked up by their parents. Teme and Hinata had to go home so I'm alone right now.

"Ugh… it's him…"

Here it comes, moms like to gossip about me. I can hear them whispering, they always call me things like monster or demon. I still don't understand why. Deidara-nii calls me sunshine, kit, and baby. When talking to both me and Kimi-nii we are the chibis... I like Deidara-nii's nicknames. So… why do these ladies words hurt so much…?

"I'm so glad my child isn't in the same class as that demon."

"I feel bad for the ones that are in his class… after all he's-"

"Shhhh he might hear you." They all sneak glances at me.

I hate this feeling, I am not alone anymore… but I feel outcasted… I-

"Otouto?"

I snap my head to see Kimi-nii standing beside me. I fake a happy grin, but Kimi-nii is smart, he can tell I'm faking. A frown forms on his usually blank face.

"What's wrong?"

I gulp and glance at the women. He notices and hears their whispers. Kimi-nii then puts his hands on my shoulders and look into my eyes.

"Do you know them?"

I shake my head, "No…"

"Do you know their kids?"

"Nu uh… they're not in my class…"

"Are any of them, in any way, shape, or form, connected to Nii-sama?" Huh?

My confused face must have given him an answer.

"Then what should it matter what a bunch of adults say? They are simply wasting their time and making themselves as ugly as their hearts. It's shameful and pathetic." I can hear the ladies gasp with rage.

"You should have better respect for adults young man!" One of the women shouts at Kimi-nii… I felt anger bubble inside me. But it was quickly put to a halt by Kimi-nii's words.

"Then you should have better respect for those training to protect selfish boars like you, ma'am." Kimimaro then lets a sharp bone slowly form from the palm of his hand, scaring the women away.

He has the bone go away then pulls me into a hug, "What matters is you have Nii-sama, myself, Hinata-san and Sasuke-san in your life." To emphasize his point he jingles his locket that Deidara-nii gave him.

I smiled for real this time, wrapping my arms around his neck in a returning hug I sigh, "Yeah…"

Kimi-nii helps me off the swing then gives me a piggyback ride. Ruffling my hair, he then shinobi runs home while I laugh at his attempt to cheer me up.

I love my nii-sans.

 _Year 2, month 3_

After months of asking, I obtained permission to train in the Forest of Death. The council and some jonin were adament on keeping me out, but once Hiruzen had put his foot down, they agreed to let me train there.

Time to work on C4.

 _Year 2, early month 4_

The school incident happened.

 _Mid month 4_

Sakura truly is a bright child. Every task I gave her, she would perform it with her best effort. But her fangirl habits haven't died out. I've had to physically remove her from the area because she became distracted by Sasuke or Naruto would be distracted by her. Hopefully, by the time summer rolls around, I can get her to punch Sasuke in the face without crying about ruining his "perfect nose".

Eventually, I was just sick and tired of Sakura's crap. She's holding herself back and it's disgusting.

"Sakura, you seem to be focusing more on grace than power, un."

She begins to twirl some of her hair while eyeing Sasuke, who is taking a break and absentmindedly sculpting. He's gotten better and it's been a good stress relief for him too.

I snap my fingers in her face with a pissed off expression, "Oh no. If you are just here to watch Sasuke, you can get the fuck outta here, un."

She just gawks at me, but after my arms fold in confidence she snaps at me. "No! I want to become strong! I won't leave!"

"Honey, Sasuke is not interested in you. The only thing he has eyes on is the clay in his hands. Frankly, you don't even know him so why stare at him all the time, un."

"I do know Sasuke-kun!"

"Do you ACTUALLY talk to him? Do you know what he wants for his birthday, or what his goals are? You didn't even know he liked art until last week." I get in her face, "I don't even see why you like him, un."

She pauses, before blushing, "W...well he's strong and…" Her face turns more red as she begins to think of reasons for liking Sasuke. Needless to say, I'm not impressed.

"If he didn't have the Uchiha name you wouldn't even LOOK at him, un. There is nothing about him that's worth dating besides his name." I point at Sasuke who is actually nodding, "Even he agrees with me! There is nothing about him personality wise that makes him attractive, un!"

"THANK YOU, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto throws his arms in the air with a "Banzai!" as Kimi does a soft facepalm.

Sakura finally decides to snap at me, "YOU'RE WRONG! I DO LIKE SASUKE-KUN! YOU'RE JUST A-"

I slap her across the face.

The force from the blow sends her small body flying for several feet and land harshly onto the ground. Naruto winces and holds his own cheek while the others stare at me in shock. I have never striked at anyone before, I usually just bonk them on the head or knock them to the ground. But Sakura just… Kami, I never liked her, even before watching Naruto, a friend showed me Sakura and I instantly hated her.

Guess my temper had to snap at some point.

"Get the hell out of here. The people here actually want to be stronger, you have potential but as I see it now... All I see is a little fangirl. You claim you want to be like Tsunade, but I guess that's too much even for you, un." I apathetically watch as she runs off crying.

 _End of month 4_

While working with Naruto on chakra control, Sakura returned. I patiently waited for her to speak when she drops to her knees and gives me a low bow.

"I'm… sorry… for acting like a brat… please teach me, I will stay away from Sasuke-kun until I have proven myself and you that I can be strong…"

A small smile forms on my face as I make her stand up, "Start running laps, un."

Hopefully by summer I can not only get her to punch Sasuke in the face, but I can also begin to like her for who she is.

 _Year 2, month 5_

Researching on chakra control in the library, I began to do two different things when it came to my training.

The first is whenever I do not wear my scope, I am keeping that particular eye closed. I remembered that minus when Deidara was fighting Sasuke, his left eye is always either closed, or covered with a scope. I theorized that years of darkness or limited exposure to light allowed Deidara to see through the sharingan, as it is a visual jutsu. Hopefully this will work with Tsukuyomi as well.

And the second thing is whenever I am outside, I refuse to wear shoes. I keep a pair of sandals in my clay pouch just incase I need to walk inside a shop; other than that, I just walk barefoot and focus small amounts of chakra into them, making my feet sensitive to vibrations.

I'm basically trying to mimic Toph from Avatar:TLA.

Being an earth user, I only thought this would be fitting. I am no sensor type, not even close, so I have to make myself adjust to the new sensations I'm feeling. But if I can make it harder for people to sneak up on me, that helps in staying alive.

Besides that, it's just really fucking cool to be able to feel everything. Like right now, Daiki is coming this way...

Shit, Daiki.

I ran in the opposite direction as I hear the kid screaming out "SENPAI WAIT! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU!"

"SENPAI WILL NOT NOTICE YOU, UN!"

 _Year 2, June 15th_

For Kimimaro's birthday I took him out and got him a flower pressing kit. I often catch him in the Yamanaka flower shop, so I thought he'd like to have a hobby. I think Hinata also enjoys this hobby so maybe I should have her teach Kimi how to press them properly.

I really wanted to throw a party, but the Kaguya boy was not having any of that. To him, spending one-on-one time with his big brother was good enough.

I ended up nearly suffocating him in a hug from that.

As we were heading home, I couldn't help but notice Kimi looking at a shop's window as we were walking. I only caught on because it was what I use to do as a kid, just quietly look at something and pray my mother would notice. Discreetly, I looked at literally the only thing that would have caught Kimi's eyes.

It was a stuffed dragon, it reminded me of Haku from _Spirited Away_. In fact, I am 99.9% sure it was designed that way too, long white body with a sea green spine. I stopped in my tracks causing Kimimaro to bump into me.

Without a word, I walk into the small toy shop and bought the dragon. Kimimaro has very few things to call his own, a small stuffy to snuggle with at night is just what he needs.

I take the bag with the flower pressing kit then hand Kimi the dragon, "I'll carry your other present. You hold that, un." I watch as his cheeks begin to grow a soft pink as he hugs the plush, pressing his face against the dragon's long body. Women in the area began to aw at Kimimaro's reaction as I lead him away.

I took Kimimaro away from his intended fate on a dragon, and now he has a little dragon to call his own.

"Happy Birthday Kimimaro, un."

 _Year 2, month 7_

Sasuke and Sakura stand in front of each other with the other kids watching. I have spent the last three months teaching Sakura on taijutsu and earth jutsu, while making her research medical ninjutsu. Needless to say, if everything works out, she'll graduate stronger than before.

It also helps that I convinced her to cut her hair short, so now she has a cute bob. My reasoning behind it was that I gave her one hour to try and grab my hair, then in turn she had to avoid me for an hour. I won, so I gave her some words of wisdom, "If I had the intention to kill you, I could just grab your hair and snap your neck. Until you keep it from being a hinderance, cut it off, un."

Her parents weren't happy, but Sakura actually commented that she felt lighter with short hair.

"Begin, un."

Sasuke quickly starts with throwing shuriken, but Sakura dodges them by rolling on the ground. She waves handsigns just like how I taught her and goes underground. Sasuke looks around, trying to sense where she was, but since he also was not a sensor and didn't have the sharingan yet, he had no idea where she was.

That is, until she popped out of the ground and punched him in the nose. The blow knocked Sasuke right onto his ass.

I am so glad I installed a camera onto my scope.

"Winner, Sakura. Duck-kun, you should put ice on that." I burst into laughter as blood started dripping from his nose. He quickly wipes his face while giving Sakura a nod in acknowledgement.

While Naruto and Hinata begin praising Sakura, Kimimaro walks over to me. "Nii-sama, a sakura is a flower, correct?" I nod with a confused expression. "Then when you first began to train Sakura-san… she withered, but now she is blossoming and starting a new beginning right?"

I had to stop and think about that, leave it to Kimimaro to become all philosophical on me. "Yeah, I guess you're right, un."

Sakura is blooming into a better kunoichi.

 _Year 2, month 10_

For three months I was blessed with a fairly normal life. No one attacked me, the kids all got along fairly well, Hinata even found a friendship in Sakura too. Kimimaro and Neji were almost inseparable, always training together... it was honestly cute.

The boys had found out that they missed my birthday entirely, honestly I forgot about it. I thought Deidara was born in March for some reason, turns out it's May 5th. ( **AN: When writing this chapter I did forget his birthday and thought it was in March XD** ) I had to spend a whole day with them to make it up. Not complaining, it was a pretty fun day.

I went through a small stage of depression during the anniversary of being reborn in this world. Considering I died three days after my birthday, I had a right to hide in my room and sulk all day. ( **AN: I actually did post this fic three days after my birthday.** )

I got over it pretty quickly though, as I have a role to play and roles to destroy. Besides, October is here, I love this month!

Since everyone was doing their own thing today I went with Naruto, who had plans on meeting with Choji and Shikamaru. Now, those two I am going to keep my influences to a minimum. Choji became a good shinobi through his experiences and Shika… well he's just a badass in general. But I wanted to meet them while they were still cute and small.

I was not disappointed.

Shikamaru was helping with Naruto with schoolwork while I swapped recipe ideas with Choji. This was a good opportunity for me, as the Akimichi clan were foodies.

"You're a pretty smart kid Akimichi-kun, I never thought about using beef that way, un." Choji almost instantly became shy as I praise him.

"T-thank you… but please, call me Choji! You're Naruto's brother after all!" Everyone needs to stop being adorable, I swear.

I ruffle his hair, "Sure Choji-kun, now go and play with your friends. And thank you… for accepting Naruto, un." I watch as the boy returns to Shika and Naruto, and I ended up falling asleep while cloud gazing.

 _October 10th_

It would have been a crime for me to not do something special for Naruto's birthday.

I made a cake with a fondant ramen bowl on it. Although, I refused to make a ramen flavor cake, Naruto gets strawberry and chocolate flavored one instead. Hinata and Sasuke showed up to help decorate the house while Sakura wrapped presents. I had Kimimaro keep Naruto busy while we prepared the little party.

Later that day Kimi returned with Naruto, and boy was Naruto surprised to see a party all set for him.

The event was actually pretty fun, Naruto got his frog wallet as a gift from me, stuffed full with money and a few ninja tools from the other kids. In the end, Sasuke and Naruto had a cake war after Naruto accidentally flung cake on Duck boy's shirt.

With permission from everyone's parents I let the kids have a sleepover with movies and snacks, Neji came as well to hang out with Kimimaro. Choji, Kiba and Shikamaru joined in later since they all had clan training. The three boys bring snacks and some more presents for the blond.

By the time midnight rolled around I was tucking everyone in. I had some clones collect everyone's futons from home, with the exception of the girls who I put in my room to sleep in.

As I was tucking in Naruto who had settled in a futon between Sasuke and Kiba, he looks at me sleepily.

"This was the best birthday ever, dattebayo…"

I let out a soft chuckle and kissed his forehead.

"Happy birthday my little kit, un."

I turned off the lights and went to sleep in the boy's room.

 _Halloween*_

I spent the whole day scaring the shit out of everyone. Despite the whole village being full of paranoid shinobi, no one seemed to understand that Halloween is a day of fright.

Yes, I asked, Halloween is a thing. But based on the high pitched girly scream Ibiki gave me, you'd think it wasn't. It's not my fault he can't seem to handle my stilt legged costumes! Maybe it was the soulless white mask… who knows. ( **AN: For a better visual idea, it's the 4-legged stilt spirit costume** )

At least the civilians caught on pretty quickly that I was celebrating Halloween, hell some even helped me with my pranks.

The evening was making Jack-O Lanterns with my brothers and eating sweets. Naruto and I got sick though.

Totally worth it.

 _Year 2, month 12_

Weirdly enough, they celebrate Halloween and yet Christmas is not a thing. Oh well, I spent the month training in the Forest of Death and visiting Iwagakure.

When I was there I had bought some earth scrolls for Sakura and I to work on. Kurotsuchi and I finally made up, though she would still try to act cute and I would shut those events down pretty quickly.

 _Year 3, month 2_

"SENPAIIIIIIIII!"

'No... no no no no! Please leave! You've left me alone since October, please go aw-'

"Senpai! Guess what! I'm a chunin now isn't that cool?! And I've gotten super strong so we should fight and stuff! Won't be long now till I surpass you senpai!"

Daiki is climbing the ranks, but his mouth hasn't stopped chattering.

I sweatdrop, "U… Um… Daiki, I'm a little bus-"

"PREPARE YOURSELF SENPAI!" He then dragged me to the training grounds and began spamming jutsu at me. All I could do was dodge and wait for him to tire himself out.

On the bright side, I was able to master the art of seeing with my feet, all within less than a year of training.

 _Year 3, month 4_

 **Warning: Very cracky!**

I'm about to head into the Hokage's office to discuss a mission when I hear an… unfamiliar voice? It sounds like I've heard it before, but where?

"When is this kid gonna get here? I want to get this mission done!"

'A woman..? Doesn't sound like Kurenai…' Slowly, I open the door and peek inside, "You had a mission for me Hiruze-eeeeen!" I was grabbed by the front of my shirt and yanked inside the office.

Oh… that voice belonged to Anko.

I'm sorry, I can't memorise everyone's voices! I only payed attention to her in the dub and everyone here is speaking Japanese! During the scenes of her in the sub, I would often zone out.

Hiruzen sighs, "Deidara, this is Anko, I am sure you've… heard of her. She will be with you on your mission. She will also fill you in on what your mission is. Dismissed."

I was then dragged out by the only person who can rival Naruto on the loudness scale.

Once we began tree hopping I got a debrief on the mission, gather intel on a potential threat and report it to the Hokage. Simple enough.

Well, it was simple… until a three blades scythe decided to be aimed at my head!

'Wait… three bladed?'

Anko and I land on the ground as two more iconic faces emerge from the trees. Ooooohohohohoh, I have been dying to meet one of the two.

Hidan and Kakuzu, the infamous immortal duo, the foul mouthed priest and the miser…

THE ASSHOLES THAT KILLED ASUMA!

'Calm down hun… breath, it's not Shippuden yet. You have time…' I had to take a shaky breath at the sight of these two. Anko gave me a concerned look, but gets into a defensive stance when Hidan spoke.

"Ah, two new sacrifices for Jashin-sama… which heathen should I offer up first?" Wow, he almost sounds polite. In a… disturbing way.

Kakuzu locks eyes with me, "Hidan, the blond is off limits."

"Eh?! What the fuck Kakuzu?!" There we go.

"That's Deidara. The one leader told us to capture, not kill. The woman though can be killed, she has a high bounty."

"Deidara? You mean that's the fucker leader wanted as the puppet fucker's partner?" No Hidan, he wanted me to be his maid.

Now, despite my overall sass, sarcasm, and foul language I am actually a pretty polite person. If you meet me for the first time I tend to be soft-spoken, polite and all smiles. It honestly scares the people that know me on a personal level.

But this is Hidan...so fuck politeness.

"Yikes, you kiss your mother with that mouth, or did you kill her for your pretend god, un?" Anko is looking at me like I'm crazy.

"JASHIN-SAMA IS REAL, FUCK YOU!" Sensitive much?

"No thanks, I have standards."

I hear Anko snort from behind me. Even Kakuzu begins to slowly put his hand over his eyes, I hear him muttering, "Damn brats…" while Hidan just stares at me.

I easily dodge Hidan's attacks as the man wilding swings his scythe, time for more insults!

"If you're this bad at aiming, I'd hate to see how you are in bed, un." Anko is now trying not to laugh, she realized that I'm not in danger and is just watching with amusement.

Hidan's face twists into a scowl, "Wouldn't you like to know, bitch?" You're making this too easy.

"Nah, I'm allergic to anything smaller than two inches, un."

In the corner of my eye, I can see Anko burst into laughter as she leans against a tree. "Y-You're killing me k-kid!"

Ooooo! Hidan's face is matching his eyes! What a lovely shade of pink, "Jashin-sama is going to enjoy having you as a sacrifice…"

"Before you kill me, riddle me this, what is the difference between you, and a couch?"

Hidan gives me a dumb expression. Kakuzu looks like he wants to kill someone and Anko… well she's sorta dying by her tree.

"A couch gets more ass than you do, un!" I state rather innocently with a big cheeky grin. Before Hidan could react, I simply drop a C1 in front of him and with a "katsu!" sends him flying into Kakuzu.

Quickly grabbing Anko, I create a bird for us and fly off before the immortal duo could stop us.

Well, that's one thing off my bucket list!

Anko smacks me hard on the back, causing me to cough, and she gives me a wide grin.

"You're all right, I think I'll keep you around!"

I gulp nervously before nodding, well at least she likes me.

Little did I realize, I made a really good friend that mission.

* * *

 **I had Deidara meet Hidan and Kakuzu when MeiaAdey12 mentioned them a couple weeks back, it was originally going to just be a side story, but then Ebony sword suggested that I befriend Anko and... well this happened. I honestly loved how it turned out, and yes, I would act like this around Hidan. I couldn't resist the temptation. X3**

 **Sakura is also coming along nicely, honestly that girl needed a smack in the face to get her boy craze to stop. She will definitely be in a better shape than when the show first started.**

 **I added more screen time for Choji, and Shika, Kiba doesn't much screen time but later on he will. Honestly there are so many characters to juggle, don't be surprised if some end up like Ibiki where they are mentioned, but that's about it.**

 ***** Halloween is my favorite holiday so I decided to have a little fun with it. Also the idea of spirits visiting the living for a short period of time is a universal idea around the Autumn months, I'm just calling it Halloween so it's easier to understand what Deidara was doing. I decided to not include Christmas purely because when I tried to type it out, I just could not bring myself to have it in the story. Japan has tons of spirits and yokai so Halloween seemed appropriate, I could not picture Naruto setting out cookies for Santa or decorating a Pine tree when there are none in the first place. Asia is more into New Year's so I enjoyed that idea more.

 **This is part one, part two will be out later on with the second half of the time skip. That one will be more focused on Deidara preparing for the future and less on his relationships with the chibis (there will be a couple moments though).**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys later.**

 **See ya!**


	12. Time (part 2)

**So much writing, x.x thank god this is the last uber long chapter for a while. But I had fun writing this. So that's all that that matters.. my beta begs to differ.**

 **Thank you guys so much for the follows and favorites, and holy shit so many reviews! I may need to change how I format the responses, I will let you guys know when those changes happen!**

 **MeiaAdey12** : **Glad you liked this chapter! I used these chapters to mostly contain scenes that I thought wouldn't fit as side stories.**

 **Tawnypelt37: No amount of ice can heal that burn. :3**

 **JustQuokka: Added a little segment about his weakness for lightning. No metal bending cause that's too much outside of his kekkei genkai, the most he will learn is some form of earthbending, but it will drain him of chakra pretty fast.**

 **Sweet-Strawberry-09: Welcome to the community hun! Glad you like my story!**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Lead: Aw, I care, he makes things interesting! :D**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Senpai doesn't like noticing people in general. XD Also, I added a part with Kikaichu in this chapter.**

 **Notsae: But then I couldn't make fun of him more in Shippuden! He needs more burns. D:**

 **Silverwolf310: I hope you like it!**

 **ArmCannos34: Thanks! Hidan was the product of late night viewings of women roasting men via text videos on youtube! XD**

 **Guest: (The nice one) Glad you liked it!**

 **VenaHope: I know, my beta almost passed out.**

 **Guest: (The other one) Aw, honey, you shouldn't talk about yourself that way. In all seriousness, trolling doesn't work on me. Because I will throw what you say back in your face. :3 Thanks for the view though!**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: You made me laugh so hard seeing your review. XD**

 **Guest33: No problem! You asked a lot of questions that needed detailed explanations. So you get them! I'm glad that things are going at a steady pace, since I am detailed orientated I like to make sure everything is covered. I'll have more interactions with Kakashi later but my god, so many characters x.x Kishimoto, why you make 50 dozen people? Kids like Sakura NEED to be taught discipline at a young age before they begin to act like brats, otherwise, like you said, would get her killed. I'm glad that I clarified the whole relationship viewpoint to you and I'm super glad you liked the New Years, I almost cried writing it tbh. Just use whatever pronoun you like hun, Dei is mentally a girl but physically a boy. I actually never thought of it like that, I just wanted chocobos in the story XD but who knows? I may add more creatures later. Don't know about C4, seems like that's the strongest explosion without being nuclear (I ain't going near that stuff), but she'll learn more earth jutsu. Summons? Dunno, most likely not, they'd die. I love that title, may I use "notebook of doom" please? Either way, it's fate shall remain a mystery. Dei's thoughts on Naru-chan's treatment are more of passing statements because… let's be honest, he is like a mother bear, do you really think he'd allow ANYONE to harm a hair on his baby's head? Added a part with Danzo in this part! Thanks for reminding me and for the thoughtful review! I really appreciate it!**

 **Tanner Clark(x8): Welcome to the community! Glad you are enjoying it! My beta and I got really excited seeing someone who ships Dei with Itachi. XD**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

" _Blah_ " - English

" _ **Blah**_ " - Kurama

 **Warning: Swears, maternal instincts, Danzo (Yuck), Anko (Yay!), violence, disturbing imagery (That isn't Danzo's face), underage drinking, fluff.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did there would be an Akatsuki hot springs scene.**

* * *

 _Year 3, month 3_

Holy shit, I didn't realize how badly I needed adult interaction until I started hanging out with Anko. Don't get me wrong, I love my brothers, I love Hinata, hell Sasuke and Sakura are worming their way into my heart… but they're children, and minus Kimimaro they have the mentality of kids. I've been starving for someone that I can make adult jokes with and have them understand me!

"So, how old are you Dei-chan?" Oh… yeah she calls me Dei-chan, kill me please.

"I'll be 13 in May, un." I've been waiting for that question actually, I think most people assume that I'm 18 or something. They're not wrong in a way, I carry myself with that mentality.

Apparently Anko had the same thought process, her eyes bulge out as she nearly drops her dango, which I caught. "Wait… you're almost 9 years younger than me, yet you made those kinds of jokes to that guy?"

"Who, Hidan? Yep!" I pop the p at the end while taking a casual sip of my tea. It's fun messing with people about my age and gender.

She looks at me confused while making random hand gestures in my direction. It took me a moment to understand them.

'Ooooh she's wondering how I know those jokes and why I seem older. I love girl code.'

"I am mature for my age, un. It keeps people from underestimating me." I state with a shrug.

"B...But… you… I mean…" Uh… I think I broke my new friend.

"Anko-san? Hello?" I wave my smiling hand in her face to snap her out of it. "Don't worry too much about how I know this stuff. I just read a lot, un."

Oh yes, I've read LOTS of stuff.

 _Year 3, month 4_

When I wasn't experimenting C4 on random giant insects in the Forest of Death, on missions, or spending time with Anko or the kiddies, I was hunting down something.

In a very remote bookshop in Amegakure, how ironic, I finally found what I was looking for.

 _The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi_ By Jiraya.

It was old, considering it looks as though no one has picked it up, but minus some signs of age it was in perfect condition. I grabbed the book and a few other novels for the boys to also enjoy and paid the old lady who runs the bookshop.

She looks at Jiraiya's novel, "Oh my, I wasn't aware that I had this book."

I rub my neck sheepishly, "I've been looking for it for a while, I was lucky enough to find it in this shop in such a good condition, un." Hopefully I can get Jiraya to sign it.

"Well I hope you enjoy your reading young man." Lady, I love you, you guessed my gender right using my voice.

"Thank you ma'am." I bow politely to the old lady as she giggles at my actions. I then quickly left the rain village because it was too close to the Sound for my liking.

Wait… Otogakure.

 _Late month 4_ ( **AN:This is a long one** )

Two weeks of prepping and getting permission from Hiruzen to "Bring another lost soul into the village, un." I headed towards Otogakure. Or… at least what will be Oto, it's not on any maps yet.

I must be a glutton for just messing with Orochimaru. I can't help it, it's so much fun!

However this is yet another gamble, I have no idea how Orochimaru's hideouts work nor do I know who lives where besides Suigetsu. So I'm going in blind.

I managed to sneak into the hideout with minor difficulty. There are a lot of snakes in the area and none of them liked me. Pity, the tigers in the Forest of Death come right up to me for snuggles, but snakes? Nope, they hate me.

Removing my shoes and putting them away I stomp the ground to get a feeling of the area. " _Ooooh, how lucky! They're in this hideout!... Aw shit, so is the snake himself… Odd… no Kabuto_." On solo missions I speak purely in English, it allows me to speak freely without worry of eavesdropping.

I cautiously walk through the empty hallways. As long as I keep an eye... feet… on Oro's location I can avoid him. Seems like he's experimenting on… I forgot his name, it's spider boy from the Sound Ninja four.

I managed to find the prisons deep within the structures, I don't see Tatuya or… fuck, I forgot the fat guy's name too. They died too quickly and overall never caught my interest. Ignoring all the taunts and jeers from the unnamed prisoners, I stand in front of a cell with my target...s.

"You and your brother want out of there, un?"

Sakon looks up at me in confusion, Ukon remained silent as I begin sculpting some clay.

"What?"

"I said, do you two want out of there? Come on, make up your mind before that pedo-snake shows up, un." Sakon slowly stands, I take in at how thin they are. These two weren't treated properly I guess. And they share a body frequently too.

"Why make the offer…?" Well, at least he's not complaining.

"Because I'm taking you two to Konoha, I'll explain everything there. Stand back, I'm blowing up the doors. Once it's open you run, do as I say and you're free, un." Sakon backs away as I blow up the door with a "katsu."

Almost instantly, Sakon bolts out and I am right on his tail, Ukon gives me a WTF face as I wave at him.

"I'm Deidara by the way, un."

"Sakon, and my older brother, Ukon is the one looking at you."

Ukon blinked at me, "Hello." Kinda creepy considering he's just a head.

These two always interested me, you never see twins in the show besides fillers... or they appear for one episode then die. Their ability to become one body and possess bodies also interested me, these two are ones I definitely want as allies.

That, and Kimimaro needs more friends.

I can feel Orochimaru heading over here at high speeds, without thinking I have my clay chocobos appear and make the twins get on one. "Wait for me outside, un!" The brothers vanish from my sights.

"Oh, it's you again."

Oooh that voice brought shivers down my spine, and not bad shivers. I turn to see Orochimaru observing me. Fun fact: I actually like Oro, he is an interesting villain and I rarely get to see scientific geniuses being created without being total psychos. Plus, his appearance as a child is just squee worthy.

I give him a bow, not a mocking one, I'm being polite for the moment. "How do you do, Orochimaru-sama? I am pleased to inform you that this is not the last time I will be interfering with your research, un!" Kami, I all but chirped that out.

Even he seemed confused by the positive energy I'm radiating out. "Why those two out of any other prisoner?" He's asking the good ones here.

I then broke into English, " _Because I knew they were in your hands at this time, also Sasori says hi! I really must go now, I need to prepare for Itachi's return to the Leaf._ " The man only understood "Sasori" and "Itachi", and now he is probably under the impression that I am secretly working for the Akatsuki.

Kabuto will be busy for a while, I expect to see him soon.

… I really should mess with the guy during the Chunin exams.

Oro began to weave hand signs, his bloodlust oozing out like liquid fire. I responded by setting off several C1s, hopped onto the other chocobo and noped the fuck out of there!

A few minutes of riding later and I find the twins waiting for me. They were separated and conversing with each other. When I approached, they quietly looked at me.

Nobody moved until Ukon cleared his throat, "We don't care why you freed us… but we are grateful, we will follow you to Konoha." Neither bowed, thank Kami, but they seemed to understand that I had good intentions.

I sighed with relief, "Oh, good, I was worried I would have to beat you two into coming with me, un." They flinch slightly, fuuuuucccckkk, I keep forgetting these two were experimented on to the point of becoming sadistic jackasses.

"Sorry... poor choice of words there. Let's just go, un!" They agreed, obviously annoyed by my word choice.

During the ride back to the village I inform them about Konoha, the laws, where they would live which was next door to me. I also asked them about the academy, and thankfully, these ten year olds seemed interested in learning. I also informed them about Kimimaro and they planned on introducing themselves to him later.

Reaching the village we were greeted by Anko, who after smothering me in a hug, questioned who the twins were.

"I found them locked in a cell, this weird snake guy tried to stop me but I got them away, un." All it took was for me to say "snake guy" and she began checking over the twins. "They're suffering from malnutrition, but I don't sense any issues with their organs."

Anko sighed in relief before helping me take the twins to meet Hiruzen. While the guys talked, Anko pulled my into the hallway.

"Look, I won't go charging headfirst into this, but where did you find them? I need to know…"

"In a series of underground tunnels several miles from Amegakure. I found them and a bunch of other prisoners… they were the only kids, un." That I could get to at least. Spider boy was with Oro. "The adults were… monstrous, deranged, nothing about them seemed human…"

Anko put a hand on my shoulder to stop me, "Well, I'll help keep an eye on those two. I…" She bites her nail, "I was that man's student a long time ago, and…" Her hand touches where the curse seal was sitting on her neck. Right, Orochimaru did have the curse seal, Juugo just helped perfect it.

I give her a hug, "Thank you for the support Anko, un." She returns the hug, but our moment is interrupted by Sakon.

"WE WILL NOT BE SENT TO A HOSPITAL!"

Mama mode activated. I barge into the room and see Sakon and Ukon being held down by ANBU. "OI!" Everyone pauses and looks at me, "Let me talk with the kids, off. Now." My lack of a grunt makes the ANBU fling themselves off the boys, learning first hand how protective I can get. I nearly beaten one to death when they got too handsy on Naruto after a prank gone bad.

At an instant, the twins rush to hide behind me. Why do chibis cling to me so easily?

"We will not be tested on!" Ukon.

"You said we wouldn't be put in anymore labs!" That was Sakon.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, "They are not going to experiment on you two, if anything they want to try to reverse any damage Orochimaru may have caused on your bodies, un. You both are skinny and can fuse together. Just… let the doctors take care of you…" I give them a reassuring smile, "I'll stay with you two the whole time."

With that promise they cooperated. Sadly, all of the damage Oro had done was permanent and they need to go through therapy, but it could be worse. They, at least, are curse seal free.

I helped them settle in the apartment next door to mine and invited them to dinner. Naruto was confused by the fact that they are identical, but Kimimaro got along swimmingly with them.

"Kimi-kun, would you show them around the academy tomorrow? They will be in yours and Neji-kun's class." They are Neji's age after all.

Kimi nods at me, "Yes, Nii-sama." Before walking the twins to their apartment.

My little army of chibis gets bigger and bigger every year.

 _Year 3, month 5_

After a month, I didn't worry too much about the twins, Kimimaro kept them in line and they provided Neji and my brother new fighting styles to work with. Ukon and Sakon never leave each other's sides and even use the fact they can fuse as one to their advantage.

Apparently, there was a lot of chaos when they first showed their abilities off at the academy. ( **AN:I will make a side story later.** )

Other than that, the boys made me celebrate my birthday with them. I just requested they dress up and we had dinner at a nice sushi restaurant. Nothing fancy, I just wanted sushi.

 _Year 3, month 6_

Something is crawling on my arm.

Looking down at my arm, I am greeted by hell's creation. A creature so vile, so ugly, it drives me insane just looking at it.

If it's not obvious enough, I hate bugs. A lot.

I raise my other hand to smack the bug. Sending it down with enough force to bruise, I halt just before smashing the creature when I see its eyes.

… Well fuck, it's a kikaichu.

I quickly look around, hand still hovering the offending bug until I lock eyes with Shino. I could feel myself sweatdrop, he really is hard to notice.

"Ah… Aburame-kun, could you have your insects remove themselves from me please? I almost smashed one, un." Shino holds out his arm and I had to hold back a scream as dozens fly off my body. How the flying duck… I mean fuck did I not feel them?!

"They are attracted to your chakra." Was all he said before leaving.

I spent the next half hour neck deep in a hot bath and I didn't sleep for two days.

I am grateful no one in this village uses spiders.

Yeah I'm not going to find spider boy… KIDOMARU! That's his name! … I like spider boy more.

 _Year 3, month 7_

Anko has been helping me work on C4. Whenever we went out on missions together she would keep our other teammates on a bird, while I tested my control on bandits or missing nins that attacked us. It's still inaccurate but I am now able to control how far they fly off.

 _Year 3, month 9_

Instead of sulking in my room, I went to find Sasuke.

"Hey… Duck-kun?"

Sasuke looks over at me, obviously confused as to why I look like someone whose dog just died. My hair was down in a braid and I was hugging one of my arms. Honestly, I doubt I can ever go through this month without suffering from depression.

"Your clan has connections to ninnekos… right, un?"

He nods, motioning me to continue.

"Do you think… maybe… you could…" Kami, it physically hurt to try to ask Sasuke for a favor. I've known this kid for almost 3 years and the old bias I have of him still looms over my head. "... Can I meet them…?"

"I didn't know you liked cats." Sasuke tilts his head in thought. He's a lot more sociable than his original counterpart, so less hn's and more words.

"Yeah…"

He pauses to think, finally he nods, "We'll need one of your birds."

I poofed a bird from clay pouch without hesitation. Helping Sasuke on, I joined him and let him direct me to the Abandoned City.

It certainly holds its namesake. Reminds me of something out of those dystopian young adult novels that were extremely popular in middle school.

I quietly followed Sasuke to where Nekobaa greeted us at her place. I bowed to her politely, but what I was focused on were the ninnekos.

Apparently the cats were also interested in me, as I now have about five of them purring around me.

"You have weird chakra, nya~"

"Oh yes, but it is a good chakra nya~"

"Nya, you smell like two people nyanya~"

"We like you, you may stroke our fur human." Oh hey, one didn't meow.

I saw no reason to complain as I laid on my stomach and began petting these deadly creatures. Several began to curl on my back while others demanded ear scratches or belly rubs. Both Nekobaa and Sasuke were watching in astonishment, as these usually finicky animals were being friendly to a non-Uchiha.

What can I say? Cats have always liked me.

This went on for a few hours, Sasuke did a few tasks for Nekobaa and I kept the ninnekos busy. When it was time to leave I was covered in cat fur and all smiles.

"Thanks for bringing my here Duck-kun, un!"

"Hn. Your depressed attitude was freaking me out, don't act like that again."

Aw, he cares.

 _Year 3, month 10_

Naruto was taking a nap while Kimimaro was out training with Neji and the twins. I'm boredly watching over Naruto while he slept. Reading isn't helping because the squirt snores.

Soon, I just ended up staring at his stomach, the temptation was right there. Rising from my seat, I quietly pad over to Naruto, hovering over him I gently place a hand over his stomach. I let chakra flow through my hand and allowed my mind to go blank.

" _ **Who are you human?**_ "

I open my eyes, only to lock onto two red orbs behind a cage.

"Holy shit that worked, un!"

" _ **Answer me, or I'll kill you!**_ "

Gaara much? "Chill Kurama, I ain't here to cause problems. Just wanted to check up on you, not like you could kill me, un."

The Kyuubi paused, he then leans forward, practically pressing his face against the bars. " _ **How do you know my name?**_ "

I let out one of those breathless laughs and approach the bars. "You're an all powerful creature. One-ninth of the Juubi and an all knowing being, you know who I am, un."

He lets out a deep, throaty laugh, " _ **You are indeed smart for a welp. Child born twice, why are you here? To set me free so that I may rip this host apart and kill these pathetic humans?**_ "

I gave him my famous, "are you stupid?" look before placing my hands on my hips.

" _ **Hm… I guess not.**_ "

"No shit fluffy. Like I said, I wanted to drop by and say hi. I'm not going to set you free. Naruto needs to meet his parents, un."

Kurama scoffs, making no comment on my nickname, " _ **You humans and your emotional attachments… then what are you doing here?**_ "

"Kurama…" I give him a smile, "Guess what this human sees."

" _ **A tool for war. A weapon.**_ " Damn, I forgot fluffy hated humans at this point.

"Nah, you're just a big fuzzball, un." I smack my fists against my cheeks as I look at him with big sparkly eyes. "And when you and Naruto become friends, I am going to brush the hell out of your fur, and pet your ears, and pet your fwuffy tails and just oogle you wif wove!" I just start gushing in nonsensical baby talk as the giant fox before me has no idea how to respond.

" **...** _ **You're not right in the head.**_ "

"I was reborn as a bomber who's obsessed with art, raising your host, and trying to change the future despite not knowing who sent me here. What tipped you off, un?"

" _ **When you refered to my tails as 'fwuffy'**_ " Kurama saying fwuffy just made my year.

I could sense Naruto waking up, "Well it was nice meeting you, bye Kurama!" I then broke the connection as Naruto woke up.

"Gah… Deidara-nii, why are you leaning over me dattebayo?"

"Wanna have ramen?" When in doubt, avoid the subject.

"HELL YEAH DATTEBAYO!"

 _Year 3, month 12_

Wow, took me three years to have a one on one with this asshole.

"You have gotten stronger at an unbelievably fast rate child, I must applaud you." That's nice, only you're not clapping.

Gritting my teeth I bow, "Thank you Danzo...sama." Bleh, someone give me bleach! The substance or the anime, either works! "What is it you wished to speak to me about, un?"

"I want to know what you are planning boy." Awww, is the wittle old man afraid of me?

Good.

"I want to make Konoha a better place where anyone can feel welcomed, as this beautiful village has welcomed me, un." I am such a kiss-ass.

He seemed satisfied with my response, slowly leaning forward he opens his eye to look at me, "How would you like to become stronger? To tap into your hidden potential. ROOT may offer you things Hiruzen could not."

I'd sooner accept a hickey from Orochimaru, at least he's somewhat good looking.

Again, I hold my tongue and bow, "With all due respect," there is none, "I must decline. Danzo-sama, you offer me nothing that I desire, un."

"What is it you desire?"

"My brothers to be happy, the future to be bright, and someone's head on a beautiful silver platter after hours of agonizing torture, un."

He seemed interested, "Who?"

"Someone you cannot personally give me, un. Farewell." I then leave, spooking his ROOT members with my wide eyed cheshire grin.

'After all, you cannot personally give me your own head without cutting it off.'

 _Year 4, month 2_

I never knew what a parental heart attack truly felt like until today.

I heard Kimimaro cough.

Naruto's gotten sick before, same with Sasuke, and I took care of them like any parent should, soup and a nice warm bed. But Kimimaro died because of his illnesses, I had him tested almost as soon as I got him into Konoha, but they found nothing.

Until now apparently, jackasses.

I dragged Kimimaro to the hospital, literally dragged as he tried to get to school. He would protest but at some point I had screamed at him with a "Shut the fuck up, un!" And he stayed quiet, understanding that I am close to a panic attack.

Kimimaro's health is considered S-rank, due to the information I gave Hiruzen, him living in the same house as the Kyuubi host, and because he is the last of his clan. I learned first hand that Sasuke and Naruto's health records are also S-class information. Sasuke because he's from a prestigious clan and Naruto is for obvious reasons.

Needless to say, only ANBU ranked medical shinobi can examine Kimimaro.

I sat in the hospital room anxiously bouncing my leg while Kimi sat on the bed shirtless, waiting for the doctor. At some point I started quoting movies in English because neither art, nor reading calmed me down. How my brother remained calm is beyond me.

"Sorry for the wait. Shall we begin?"

Well fuck me sideways and call me Harry Potter. If I didn't recognize THAT voice I would have failed as a Naruto fan. The only reason I'm not shoving a bomb so far up his ass he'll vomit it out is because he is a skilled medical shinobi. But that hood and ANBU mask is not enough to hide his identity.

'Fuck you Kabuto.'

Is what I would be saying, but my maternal instincts are in the "FIX MY BABY YOU ASSHOLE!" mode so all I could do is is smile and nod. "Yes please, un."

As Kabuto examines Kimimaro and takes notes, he asks me questions, "What does his diet consist?"

"High calcium and protein."

"Activity level?"

"Chunin level taijutsu and main sparring partners are two high speed academy students and a Hyuuga, un." Keeping my answers professional enough to keep Kabuto from becoming suspicious. To him, I just sound like a worried brother.

"Oh? Chunin level at this age? Interesting. Well, I need to draw some blood and other samples, if you are uncomfortable you may step ou-"

"Just stick him please, un."

He pauses at my informal tone that I started using before taking several vials worth of blood. I've had enough blood tests myself to know that he took way too many vials, but I know some of those will be going to Orochimaru.

Whatever, as long as Kimimaro gets a cure I don't care who fixes him.

He also had Kimi use his kekkei genkai so he could collect bone marrow and after a basic check up, sending half of the samples to a lab. I don't even bother questioning about the other half.

"You'll get results in a few days."

I bow politely while keeping a bright happy voice, " _I cannot wait to see you die in agonizing pain you glasses wearing asshole. Sad past or not, you get no pity from me. If I do not kill you, you can bet Kimimaro will._ "

"Pardon?"

"Oh!" I fake a smile while covering my mouth with the tips of my fingers, "So sorry, I can speak two languages and sometimes the other one slips. I said 'thank you for your help and I hope you have a wonderful day. Kimimaro and I looks forward the results' , un."

Kimimaro has a face that says "Nii-sama you are full of bullshit." but makes no comment on it. He's heard me speak in English enough to identify all of the basic curse words and death threats.

"Ah, well thank you." He leaves, but I let my English "slips" again

" _Fuck you._ "

"Nii-sama you shouldn't swear at doctors."

"Shush baby, mommy's mad."

"... I will just pretend you did not refer to yourself as mommy."

"Good boy, un."

 _A few days later_

Kimimaro's results are in. I am going over them with him in that same room, with the same masked asshole sitting in a medical chair.

"Am I still going to be a shinobi, Nii-sama?"

"Duh, I'm not going to let your hard work go to waste. The labs caught it early enough to where if we keep your diet balanced and you visit here often it SHOULD be gone, un." 'That, and I am so going to make Tsunade heal you.'

Kabuto tries to but in, "If I may provide some advice, I know a doc-"

"Thank you but I must refuse your offer. If it's not on this file, I am not going to follow it, un." With the exception of Tsunade of course. I calmly take my brother out of the room while Kabuto began internally kicking himself for not tampering with the file.

"You do not like that man, do you Nii-sama?"

"If there wasn't several dozen innocent people in this building I would have killed him by now."

"...Why?"

"I'll tell you if I kill him, un."

"Okay."

 _Year 4, month 4_

Kimimaro is going to graduate soon and I am on pins and needles. I already confirmed with Hiruzen that Neji will be on team Gai, but Kimimaro and the twins originally worked for Orochimaru. I have no idea who would be their sensei.

That is, I wouldn't have an idea, but I remembered that I'll be a jonin in a month. Just enough time to become a sensei.

"You wish to be the sensei of Kimimaro, Ukon and Sakon?" Hiruzen gives me a questioning gaze.

"Yes, I brought them to this village, thus I shall take full responsibility of their actions and development as shinobi, un."

The old man sighs, "Deidara… are you sure?" I feel a lecture coming soon.

"I'll be okay. Besides, once everyone graduates I will no longer be training them, un."

Hiruzen sits in his chair and stares at me for several minutes, eventually, he frowns. "No."

My mind blanks out at the blunt answer. "Huh..?" I need to make sure I heard him correctly

"I said no, you will not be their sensei, or any other genin team's sensei."

I just tilt my head, I want to hear his reasonings, though it doesn't stop a small tinge of annoyance to bubble within me. 'Bottle it up, don't explode, keep calm.'

"My first reason has to do with age, Deidara I am fully aware that mentally, you are an adult. However physically you are still a teenager, and you do not have any experience in running a genin team. Even if you know them."

Can't argue with that logic… wait, he said "first reason"... what is his second?

"My second reason has to do with your own mental health."

'Pardon…?'

"Naruto… has been telling me that you've been stressed lately, not eating enough and often coming home so exhausted that you pass out almost instantly. You're pushing yourself past your limit."

'I can handle it…'

"You don't have to burden yourself with all of this stress. Surely you can take some time to relax?"

'You don't understand…'

"You're 13, why not act like a kid and enjoy life?"

"I don't…"

He pauses and waits for me to continue.

I feel my legs give out and I fall onto my knees. "I… don't know how to act like a kid…"

He raises an eyebrow, "Why not?"

"The same reason half of your jounins are mentally broken, I was forced… to grow up, build up walls and by the time I allowed them to break, I was at an age where being childish was seen as a bad thing, un. I would act silly and the adults around me would tell me to 'act my age' … I don't know what having a childhood is like."

"War?"

I just shake my head, "... Who will be their sensei then?"

Hiruzen ignores my question, walks over to where I am and pulls me into a hug. His grandfatherly aura overwhelmed my own.

"Anko said she would teach them."

I couldn't stop my body from nearly collapsing with relief. At least the boys are in good hand.

 _May 5th_

Not only was it my birthday, but I was also promoted to jounin, as per to our agreement to have me promoted when I became 14.

Anko decided to take me to a resturant that for some reason had a lot of sake options.

"Anko, you do realize I cannot drink alcohol yet, right?" I look over at my adult friend skeptically as she orders herself a thing of sake and some food. I just had some sushi and water.

"You worry too much Dei-chan! Lighten up, it's your birthday!"

Easy for her to say, I have paperwork to do to officially adopt the boys and Kimimaro is graduating soon. I sigh, 'Maybe everyone's right. I rarely give myself a break…'

I'm so preoccupied by my thought that I didn't realize Anko handed me a cup that was not my water glass. With a blank expression and a zoned out mind, I take a sip of what my body thought was my water.

It wasn't water.

I've tasted alcoholic drinks in my past life and it was never pretty. I nearly vomited tasting beer, I drank half a glass of sprite after a sip of sake, and I did a spit take in a bathroom sink after trying wine. I found them disgusting and never understood why adults like them.

Apparently, this body shares my sentiments because once I tasted the sake, I sprayed it on Anko, who busted out laughing.

"Ewewewewewewwwwwwwww!" I proceed to stuff my mouth with eel as the sake's flavor began settling on my tongue.

Anko's crying with laughter, "A-aw man, guess you're not a drinker then!"

I then proceed to pounce her and we basically wrestled while nearby patrons were unsure what to think about this. Sadly, I got my ass kicked despite the older woman being in hysterics.

Eventually, I joined in the laughter. I needed this, I needed a distraction as time begins to run out on me.

Eventually, Anko got off me and we left after paying. She took me to a quiet spot away from people, "You've been tense. What's up?" Why am I so open?

I swallow a lump in my throat, I really want to tell her the truth, but I can't bring myself to trust her yet. I guess I can just give her half of the truths behind my stress.

"I have a mission to kill Danzo in a year."

Even the crickets shut up. Anko forces a laugh thinking it's a joke, but then seeing how I'm just staring at my lap she stops. "You're not kidding huh?" A nod from me makes her continue, "Then don't take the mission if you don't want to."

"Trust me… I want to, un. It's not killing him that I'm afraid of…"

"You're stressed and afraid of what's gonna happen afterwards?"

I nod again.

"What's the plan? We're friends Dei-chan, so common, spill it out. If that old farts gonna croak in a year, I want in."

Kami, I'm grateful to have met Anko.

Without hesitation I tell her everything about the Uchiha massacre, Itachi being innocent, Shisui's eye, how Hiashi is involved. That got her attention.

"Okay wait, how the hell did you get the head of the Hyuuga clan to tag along?" Glad to know you have your priorities there Anko! I just gave you some of the most well hidden informations in the Five Great Nations, and you're focused on Hiashi?

"... well I sorta, maybe took his daughter under my wing, un."

"So he basically owes you a favor?"

"Basically, un."

"... I want in."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"You could stand to say it more often." She gives me a cheeky grin.

I snort, "Don't plan on it, I like men remember?"

"Aw, how could you resist all this?" She teasingly gestures to herself.

"Very easily actually, un."

We spent the rest of the evening joking and laughing.

 _Year 4, month 6_

Okay, I need to address this, it's been bugging me for the past three months and I can't stop the odd feeling in my gut.

But I think I'm being stalked by a crow.

I know, it's crazy, but everytime I go somewhere or do something, there's a single fucking crow just perched nearby staring at me with it's dark eyes. Honestly it's a little nerve wracking.

Right now, I'm taking a break from training and having a staring contest with this bag of feathers on a branch. I know it's the same one because it doesn't caw. Ever.

'I wonder if this is one of Itachi's crows.' I take a breath and began to talk to the bird, "Hey birdie. You should go find your friends. Shoo, shoo, un." I wave at the bird, hoping to scare it. The crow just ignores me and begins preening itself.

I tried to throw some clay, and the fucker dodges it; kicking the tree, and my foot got hurt and the crow looked as if it was laughing. Finally, I decide to try something.

"Hey cutie, those colors still clash with my hair, un." The crow snapped its head at me so fast I'm surprised it's still alive. "Knew it. Itachi, I'm not going to harm Sasuke, it's been four years already, un. Little late to react don't you think?" Damn, that bird landed in front of me pretty fast.

I give the bird a gentle smile, knowing fully well that he can see me, "I'm going to kill Danzo, and take Shisui's eye." The crow stares at me, now with Sharingans. "I have a proposition for you, when I obtain the eye meet me at the border between the land of fire and land of wind. No fighting, come alone, you and I will sit and talk. Once we are done, the eye will be yours, un. If you lack trust in me you may continue to keep stalking." The bird bobs its head before returning to its preening.

"Oh yeah, Sasuke likes art now, un." The crow now settled down in my lap. I can tell Itachi does not have full control of it.

Well, that was one mess avoided.

 _Year 4, month 8_

Kimimaro graduated without any issues. It would have been quite the shocker if he didn't pass. Considering I helped him master the clone jutsu, him failing would have resulted in a VERY painful talk with his school sensei.

I had invited the twins and Neji to join us for dinner to celebrate their graduation. Naruto was jealous, but a reassurance from me that he would graduate, settled him down

Sakon was telling me about Anko, "She's absolutely insane! She had us go through the Forest of Death to test our teamwork! We passed obviously, but man!" While he complained I took the time to observe the small changes in the twins.

They now wore matching long grey tops with the gemini symbol on one shoulder, Ukon's on the left, Sakon's on the right. They wore black shorts with mesh armor covering their exposed skin except for their heads, necks, hands and feet. They honestly looked pretty cool. And the lack of the purple rope was welcomed.

"Careful Sakon, she's a good friend of mine. I wouldn't complain to me if I were you, un." I boop his nose with my chopsticks before resuming my eating. Ukon just laughs at his younger brother's pouting.

Turning to Neji, "How is your team Neji-kun?"

"Full of losers." Some things never change.

"Care to… elaborate?"

"Our sensei is an idiot, the mini him is just as bad, he can't even do ninjutsu or genjutsu. Tenten, the girl, seems only good at weapons. I wish I was in Kimimaro's team."

I sweatdrop and pat his head, "Neji-kun, at least try to work with them, you never know. They may surprise you. I work out with Gai-san and Lee-san, if one of them punched you, you'd die, un." I give him a closed eye smile as he gulps at the thought of a death by punch.

That should calm his ego for a while.

 _Year 4, month 10_ ( **AN: Sex ed!** )

Okay, Sasuke and Naruto are sulking. Normally Sasuke does all the sulking. This is worrying.

"Alright, talk, what's wrong with you two, un?" I was currently washing dishes.

Naruto was the first to complain, "Sakura-chan and Hinata have been acting weird all week! They won't taijutsu train with us and they keep changing their moods, dattebayo!"

Sasuke added in, "One moment they are happy, but then we say something and they either cry or get angry."

I dropped the plate I was cleaning and it shattered on the ground. Kimimaro, who was reading in his room, came bursting out and cleaned it up as my mind went nuts.

'Oh god really? The poor babies! I'm going to have to send some chocolates to those girls, holy shit they're growing up and it's gonna suck!'

One thing I'm grateful about being a boy now is that I never have to go through THAT ever again. But I'm surprised they got theirs at the same time, must be because they spend so much time together.

"Deidara-nii?" Naruto was looking at me concerned while Sasuke was back to sulking.

Without a word, I sit down in front of them. "Want to know what's going on, un?"

Both nod vigorously. I feel a cheshire grin forming, well, they asked for it.

"You see, Hinata and Sakura are growing up into womanhood, it's called puberty. And it sucks, as it's a woman's personal hell. During puberty a girl will have something called a 'period' in which because they are not pregnant, the universe punishes them once a month by having blood poor out of a place called the vagi-"

 _One VERY detailed explanation later_

"And that is how an infant comes out of a mother's stomach, un!"

Poor chibis, Naruto looked horrified, Sasuke was reevaluating how he should treat girls from now on… and Kimimaro…

The kid is absorbing the information like a sponge.

"So you see boys, treat these girls with nothing but respect, because they have to deal with this for the next 40 years. Men only have to deal with it in their late teens for a few years, un."

Kimi pipes up, "What happens to guys during puberty?"

"KIMIMARO!" "KIMI-NII!" Kimi, I love you.

"Ah you see, when a guy hits puberty… we start getting hairy, we get taller and our shoulders broaden." The boys relax.

"And we also begin producing spe-"

 _Another traumatic explanation later_

"And that is how a woman's egg becomes fertilized, un."

I have never seen two kids shift uncomfortably for such a long time before. Good thing I paid attention in science and health class, I'm going to go through this in a few months, same with Kimimaro.

"Any questions?"

Kimi raises a hand, "So what's the difference between regular blood and peri-"

He got tackled down by Naruto and Sasuke.

 _The next day_

Naruto and Sasuke gave the girls some chocolate and told them how much they respect the two of them. The girls were confused, but I give them a big grin and they return the gesture with their own smiles.

I had to give The Talk to Hinata though, she didn't have anyone to talk to and her father just handed the supplies and told her to use them.

Unlike with the boys, I gave Hinata a more tame and gentle description of female puberty. Mostly a reassurance that she is fine and it's normal and what it's purpose was. Basically what I wished I was told at her age.

It still is a shitty thing though.

 _Year 4, month 12_

Kakashi helped me work on resisting lightning chakra. I actually learned that explosion release was a mixture of lighting release and earth*. I just needed to focus on the lighting side of my jutsu.

They ended up becoming extremely unstable and messy. I'm going to have to work on that.

 _Year 5, month 1_.

I couldn't hold back my glee at the sight before me.

I was sent to assassinate some missing nins, and used this as my chance to test out a new chakra formula for C4. I wanted one shinobi to lose an arm and heart while the other vanish completely all except for his right pinky finger.

I got an armless shinobi without a beating heart and a right pinky finger.

The formula worked, I can control the molecular range of the explosion. I tested it again, this time the corpse lost a foot. An insane grin grew on my face as I threw my head back in laughter. Five years of training finally paid off. Soon I will be 16, and Naruto will graduate from the academy.

Danzo, it's time to greet death.

 _Year 5, month 3_

Puberty sucks, Kimimaro shares my sentiments.

* * *

 **Woohoo! So next chapter will be the very beginning of the show with Naruto graduating. It's already halfway done so expect an update next weekend! (Or earlier. Depends on my free time.)**

 **Ebony sword helped me come up with the idea of the ninnekos and everyone else already know which part was inspired by them in the review response up above. Hope you guys liked them!**

 ***** According to Naruropiedia it is believed that explosion release is a mix of earth and lightning. Which, to me makes sense due to the fact that all of the jutsus go boom. So I went with it and made up the idea that it's based on the balance of the two natures that made the explosions. So Deidara may learn lightning based jutsu in the future. Never know!

 **Anyone have questions or suggestions feel free to share!**

 **Reviews are loved and I will be seeing you guys in the near future!**

 **Bye! :D**


	13. Execution

**I think this was my favorite chapter to write so far, not only in what happens in this chapter, but also because I kept rewriting it to fit what I wanted. One particular scene made my beta and me verrrrryyyyy happy girls lol.**

 **Thank you guys so much for all of the follows, favorites and reviews, the support brings out so much of my muse.**

 **Zeak106: You had me scared for a moment when I was reading your review. Glad you are liking it! X3**

 **ArmCannos34: Love that I could make you laugh hun!**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: I love that official name. Sassy!Deidara, suits the SI's personality to a T. It's always fun to look back at ourselves and laugh at the small things in life. :3**

 **Tawnypelt37: My beta wonders the same thing. Don't worry, he'll accept more help as time goes on. (Like this chapter)**

 **VenaHope: The sex talk was my favorite scene in that chapter, it's fun watching kiddies squirm. Also I mentioned Sai in this chapter. He won't be added to the family, but you can rest knowing the little artist will be safe.**

 **Tanner Clark: Thank you so much for all of the reviews, it's fun seeing shippers in the review section, helps me decide pairings. You and I already talked through PM so you know a bit about my plans. ;)**

 **Silverwolf310: Fluffy needs more friends, he's lonely. Itachi's crow does like Deidara, animals in general like me so I translated that into the SI. Never know what birds are thinking though.**

 **Guest33: Woohoo! Time for the responses! I'm not adorable hun, I'm just crazy! :D But thank you so much for the kind words, they mean a lot to me. My beta and I had to go through this chapter several times to make sure the details were okay, it was a pain in the butt checking everything, but I'm happy that so much was happening, I really didn't want a third part. Glad you liked/hated my Danzo, it could have been so easy to just make him a cranky old man, but I think I got his manipulative side to come out here rather organically. Deidara will continuously improve, for better or worse she will learn jutsus to overwhelm her opponents, within reason of course. That Crow!Itachi scene was fun writing, and yes, the "hey cutie, those colors still clash with my hair" is their thing, it's a nice code phrase and just shows how weird their relationship is. She truly does care about Itachi, so toning his worries down even a little bit is worth the risk of getting attacked by a bird. Kurama is a fun character to mess with. And yes, Kimimaro is such a good little student. XD I couldn't resist making him the one asking all of the awkward questions. Don't worry about grudges, I still hold a grudge against Sasuke for… well… obvious reasons, but expect the twins to grow on you like a fungus cause they're here to stay! Kimi-kun needs buddies besides Neji… even though those two are absolutely adorable. Cats are majestic beings, another viewer suggested she meets the Inuzuka's dogs but… I have a strong fear of off leash dogs, so since this is a self-insert fic… yeah she is afraid of them too. I love wolves, but dogs? Nu uh. Nope nope nope. Thank you for letting me use the Notebook of Doom title! I'm so happy that you are enjoying my story!**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: … I love your goddamn username dude. So much. But I ain't telling you anything… except yes… cheesecake. Just cheesecake. :P**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

" _Blah"_ \- English

* - I explain in AN at bottom of chapter.

 **Warning: Disturbing imagery, swears, minor insanity, hot springs… yep. Hot springs.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did, Anko wouldn't become a fat, kindergarten teacher like person. She would stay a badass.**

* * *

Naruto is practically vibrating in his seat as we eat breakfast. It's his chance to graduate, he's been training for the last five years for this day. I couldn't be more proud for him.

"Naruto, I'll see you later, okay? I have… some important business to attend to, un." Kimimaro gave me a sceptical look, he knows that I have been training for something big, he just did not know what it was.

Naruto obliviously nods, "Alright Deidara-nii- oh shoot, the time! I gotta go, dattebayo!" He grabs his bento for once in his life and ran out the door. ( **AN: Hallelujah** )

I sigh with a smile and relax in my seat. Kimimaro puts his headband around his waist, as that's the only place that doesn't get shredded with bones. "Nii-sama, I have a mission to attend to, I shall also be back this evening."

I look up at him, as I am still sitting. "Kimi, you're taller than me, and will be way taller when you are older. Enough with the 'nii-sama's' please, un." It can't hurt to try at least.

"Would you prefer Deidara-sama?"

"..." Damn him and his worship personality.

"Nii-sama it is then." He gives me a hug before leaving.

I take a deep breath before finishing my tea. Despite tea being a soothing drink, the moment Kimi left my heart began to race. Slowly I shuffle to my room, digging through my drawers, I pull out a small container filled with chemical preservatives and a sealing scroll filled with tools and cleaning supplies.

I take a shaky breath, "I… can do this… I have preparing for the last… five years, un." My hands begin to shake as I put the items in my empty clay pouch. I only need a little bit of clay for this one task.

A simple knock at the door caused me to jump a foot in the air with a silent scream. I quickly rush to the door and throw it open.

Hiashi is standing at the doorway, all serious as he is aware of my task.

"I will make sure you are uninterrupted." Was all he said before walking off to the Hokage tower.

My body grows numb, I quietly gulp as I return to my room to dress. It was time I ditched the kimono shirts and baggy pants. No more childish looks. I slipped on an outfit I have been both dying and dreading to wear.

Looking at myself in my fullbody mirror, I now look like shippuden Deidara. I even painted my nails black, as the look wouldn't be the same without it.

Exiting the apartment, I walk to the Hokage tower. Calmly greeting my neighbors and shop owners that have come to accept me, I enter the building and head up the stairs. At a particular door, two masked men laid unconscious on the ground, with Hiashi standing over them.

"Thank you, Hiashi-sama, un." Stepping over the bodies I enter the door and lock eyes… eye with Danzo.

"What is the meaning of this Deidara?"

I calmly close the door behind me and locked it with a click. On the outside, I look like a dutiful jounin of Konoha. Perfect posture and a neutral face.

On the inside, my heart is hammering in my throat and I want to throw up. Walking to his table I set down a harmless looking clay weasel. So much meaning behind that figure, but this man was clueless.

"Councilman Danzo of Konoha, it is time for you to die, un." I said it as plainly as saying the sky was blue. I left no room for humor, because if I joked now, I will be unable to stomach what I had to do soon.

The old bastard scoffs, "An assassination? After all these years, you'd throw away your current life? What a fool."

I feel my head tilt, "It is not an assassination. It is an execution, un." His eyebrows furrow as I pull out a piece of paper, "Your death shall be written off as heart failure so that you may be honored by the villagers for all you have done in the name of Konohagakure. Your crime is the unauthorized genocide of the Uchiha, charging you with both mass murder and treason. This was signed from Sarutobi Hiruzen, un."

By the time I had finished, Danzo was on his feet ready to unravel his sealed arm. A single handsign from me changed that.

"Wh…. What did you do?!" Danzo's usually blank face turns to horror as his left hand slowly dissolves, particle by particle and float into the air. The weasel was gone as well.

"Elementary my pathetic excuse for a Watson, I have mastered C4. I spent years practicing my chakra control. It wasn't a pretty process, un." My apathy levels rise as I walk forward, I simply stopped caring.

Danzo begins to back away from me, but another hand sign and he collapses to the ground yelling in pain as a leg dissolves.

I click my tongue in disappointment, I was hoping to beat him around a bit, but this is a good option too.

He grits his teeth, "If this is my punishment, then get it over with and kill me."

I had to contain my shock to keep an expressionless face, "Now…? I have you in my grasps, and you expect mercy?" My head keeps tilting in a bird like manner. "What have you done to deserve a quick death, un? Please enlighten me."

"I… urk… did was I had to… to protect this village."

"Yes, because having an eleven year-old* slaughter friends, family, babies, and elderly is protecting a village. You are such a hero, un." I sarcastically rolled my eyes with mock praise.

Opening my scroll, I prepared my tools, mostly cleaning supplies.

Realization crossed his face, "So you… came to Konoha… to avenge Itachi? Is that your game? What has he done for you to warrant these actions?"

I chirp out, "What has he done? Absolutely nothing, un!" Danzo lays there staring at me completely baffled. "Nothing that you need to know anyway." I won't give Danzo the satisfaction of knowing the truth about me. Besides, Hiashi is listening.

I kneel beside him, unbandaging his eye, I stare into Shisui's sharingan, unusable for several more years. "You will be the first step in bringing Itachi home, all you have to do is die. Your head was what I wanted when we talked those years back, un." A handsign later, the skin and most of the bone surrounding the eye dissolves as Danzo screams. When he tried to use his bandaged arm, I stomped on his shoulder, dislocating it.

It could be so easy to pity this old man. But one thing I have learned from being in this world, is that killing comes natural to shinobi. I adapted remarkably fast, and developed a thought process to cope with these deaths. Unlike Naruto, Kimimaro, or even someone like Orochimaru, I do not see neither human, monster or even a real living being.

To me, Danzo is still a fictional character. Black and white, paper and ink. Something I can erase.

"But I don't need your head for my plans, I need Shisui's eye, un."

 _A few hours later_

Danzo really did die of a heart failure.

After carefully removing Shisui's eye, taking out all C4 from it, then gently placing it in its temporary home, I had proceeded to slowly dissolve Danzo bit by bit. At some point I threw up in a trashcan at the sights, but I kept it up until his heart gave out.

Maybe I shouldn't have messed with the brainstem so early on.

Anko came into the room after Hiashi received the okay. She quickly disposed of Danzo's corpse, mindful of the jar of sharingans just sitting beside him, as I had destroyed his disgusting arm a long time ago.

Ignoring the blood, she scoops me into her arms and begins to comfort me as I became unresponsive to most of anything. I was numb, unfeeling, I needed someone to just hold me.

"Let's clean you up." She leads me to a restroom. Hiashi left after seeing my glazed over eyes, understanding that for the sake of his clan, he will not ask questions.

A long wash and a new set of clothes later, I am now in the Hokage's office with Anko keeping me in a tight hug. The images began replaying in my head over… and over… like a bad dream that wouldn't go away.

Hiruzen slumped in his seat, having long since accepted his friend was doomed. He had tried to talk sense into Danzo, but based on the fact that the cyclops is now dead, he failed. "Who else is next…?"

I look at him, I can see my eyes in the window reflection, dull and tired. "No one in this village, un. Most of my next plans involve saving lives, not taking them."

He relaxes, "Good, I will let you have a few weeks off to recover and plan. Oh… Naruto graduated from the academy this afternoon. There was an… incident, but Iruka took care of it."

That was the best news I could have gotten all day. I nod limply as a smile returned to my face, "Thanks gramps. I'll be going home then, un." I began to leave until a critical thought process happened.

I flickered over to Hiruzen, slamming my hands on the desk I look at him with a crazed state of panic. Anko was left standing there with a dumb expression. "What will happen to the ROOT members?! There are children in that group, un!" Hiruzen seemed to have also forgotten that detail.

"Right… is there anyone in particular you are looking for?"

Anko's face morphs into confusion. I promise I will explain after the chunin exams!

"A boy, he doesn't have a name, thanks to Danzo. Short straight black hair, black eyes and pale skin. Orochimaru pale skin, uses ink for his jutsu, un." At the very least I need to make sure Sai is somewhere safe. I don't plan on adopting him, but my conscience will kill me if I just leave him alone.

"Alright… I'll file the paperwork for him to be placed in the same location as you."

"... Maybe you should have Tenzou build a structure… considering the boy is not the last person I plan on dragging into my life, un."

At this point Hiruzen just gave up on asking what else I knew, he nods and begins to go back to his crappy paperwork.

"Um… Hiruzen… why do you never just use clones?"

I left the office with Anko as Hiruzen almost flips his desk as he began to feel like an idiot. She then dragged me off to have dango and tea.

"I can't believe you did it Dei-chan, so what's your next plan?" Her mouth was stuffed with dango. Anko, please don't talk with your mouth full!

I took a bite of my own dango, relishing in the sweet taste. After being in a room that smelled like gore, the aroma of tea and sweet sauce was welcoming.

"...The weasel shall be returned to it's den, un." Whenever in public, I refer to Itachi as a weasel. At this point, most people that overhear just think I'm on some long term pet hunt for my lost weasel. I wish, if I had a pet weasel or ferret, I would own a white one and name it Draco. Too bad I'm not a wind type, I would so summon Kamatari.

Anko nods before giving me a concerned look, "Will you be okay? That kind of stuff messes with people's minds you know, look at Ibiki."

I lean back in my chair contemplating this. She's right, but then again, "Considering the things I've seen… I can handle it, or I just seal the images away, un." I smile as Anko relax, that's the beauty of this world, a simple seal can lock away so many bad memories.

But I also want to keep these memories as a reminder of my goals.

Not long after I began to relax, Kakashi showed up and motioned me to follow. Right… our agreement.

I slowly stand from my seat and followed the silver haired man after hugging Anko goodbye. He leads me to the memorial stone, I guess this is so no one will listen to us, as nobody really comes around here.

"I will be Naruto's sensei."

That one sentence was enough for my mouth to run. I did, after all, agree to tell him the truth if he became Naruto's sensei.

"Do you believe in reincarnation, un?"

 _Another hour later_

Kakashi looked overwhelmed, also I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Do you have proof that you know the future?"

I put my hands behind my back and rock on my heel, "Well… while you escort the bridge maker, just before running into Zabuza...You'll encounter a puddle… that's all I will say."

He slowly nods, sighing, "If it turns out you are being truthful, I will try to make sure Zabuza and this Haku boy live. I'll also help out in your future plans."

My body relaxes at this, at least I'm slowly branching out and accepting help from others. I'm certain if I just kept doing everything on my own, I'll go nuts. I almost did while killing Danzo. With a low bow I leave Kakashi to go home.

I returned home absolutely drained. Not only of chakra, but of just mental capacity. I just need a hot cup of tea and some down time.

"DEIDARA-NII! I'M A GENIN DATTEBAYO!"

Oh right… I forgot, I'm technically a parent. Parents don't get down time until the kiddies are asleep.

I give my hyper brother a tired smile, "Congrats Naruto, I'm proud of you, un." I wrap my arms around him in a warm hug. "Tell me all about it."

And he did.

Turns out that he graduated just like in the anime and manga, except his failure was due to Mizuki actually tampering with the room so Naruto's chakra went haywire. He also learned about Kurama the same way as well.

"Deidara-nii… did you know…?"

"Yep. I've known since day one, un."

"Then… why did you take me in..?" Kimimaro hands me a cup of tea, so thoughtful.

"Naruto, if I had problems with the fuzz ball inside you, do you REALLY think I would have taken you in, un?" I pull the preteen into my lap and held him against my chest. "I took you in, not because of the fact you have the Kyuubi; but because in my eyes, all I saw was a child starving for love." I press my lips to his ear and whisper, "And I had more than enough love to give, un."

Naruto went quiet as I took a sip of my tea. Soon he hugged me tightly, thankfully I wasn't drinking at that time.

"I love you Deidara-nii."

I motion Kimimaro to join in the family snuggles, which he obeyed.

"I love you too Naruto. I love my family."

Within minutes of snuggling I was out like a light, Kimimaro had put me in my bed and the kiddies went to sleep later that night. Everything was peaceful and I got some needed rest.

What could go wrong?

 _The next bloody morning_

Tap

The sound came from my window, 'Ugh…'

Taptap

"Go away, un… tired…"

Taptap… tap

"Fuck off you son of a half-baked Twilight vampire…" I create weird insults when asleep. I don't even care who I'm insulting right now.

…

'Thank yo-'

TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP

" _MOTHER FUCKER_! Oh… you…"

Outside my window was Itachi's crow rapidly tapping my window like he's a fucking woodpecker. I all but crawled to my window to open it before something breaks… the window or its beak, not sure which one.

"Can't I sleep in Itachi… please?" I rubbed my open eye and yawned. The crow hopped into the room sharingan activated and just stared at me. "… You Uchiha and waking up at stupid hours in the morning… Sasuke wakes up early too." I look over at my digital clock to see how early it really is.

5 in the fucking morning.

"..."

I then noped back to bed.

That is, I would have noped back to bed, but the fucking feather duster next to me pecked at my ear until I sat back up.

"You are soooooo lucky that I like animals, un."

Standing up I stare down at the bird with annoyance, I grab my outfit for the day and got dressed. Thankfully, it looked away.

I put the crow on my shoulder and went to get some breakfast. Feeding the crow some meat I drowsily ate my own breakfast. On several occasions slamming my head on the table from sheer exhaustion, which the crow would peck at the back of my neck and make me shoot back up. Turns out that is a very sensitive spot for me.

"You should be in bed Nii-sama."

I look up from my food to see Kimi in the doorway to the kitchen.

"I'm going weasel hunting, un." Blunt and simple.

"... Nii-sama…?" He tilts his head in confusion.

"I need to be awake to hunt for weasels, go back to bed honey, I'll be home later tonight. Make sure Naruto takes a bath when he comes home, un."

"The bird…?" The crow had turned off his sharingan just as Kimimaro had entered the room.

"Don't ask… it's been following me the past year, un."

He nods, unsure of what to think before hugging me then returning to bed. I just now realized he had his dragon plush draped over his shoulders and it is adorable!

My head slammed onto the table again. I'm tired… five more minutes...

Peck.

"OW!"

 _Sometime later_

I head out to the border, reaching there within a relatively short amount of time using my chocobo. I am still tired, my entire body aches, and there is an inn with a hot spring right next to me. Screw all of the health risks of hot water and sleepiness, I have not once been to a hot spring and I'm gonna go all Kid Icarus on it! ( **AN:For those unfamiliar with the game, Pit likes hot springs. Watch some scenes, his reactions are hilarious** )

I quickly rented a room for the day, informing the lady at the desk to expect a "Handsome man with black hair and dark eyes, he will have lines on his face, un." After setting my stuff in the room, hiding Shisui's eye in my chocobo's stomach, thank Kami for clay creatures, I hop into the warm water. Despite the rules of inns I kept on my trunks, mainly because I do not trust myself or the universe.

Closing my eyes, I let myself relax. Yep, I can see why even monkeys love these baths, it feels like heaven. Because it's so early in the day no other guys were in the baths. Good for me, I have no idea how I would react seeing another naked man-

"I love springs as much as anyone, but isn't it a little too early for a bath Deidara?"

I screamed a… okay I admit it, I screamed like a girl and sunk myself in the water, completely forgetting that I lack the assets to be shy about.

Timidly, I peek over my shoulder and my eye lock onto pale feet with purple nail polish.

'Don't look up, don't look up, don't look- He has nice abs... ABORT MISSION! DISENGAGE! TOO MUCH SKIN!'

Dammit Itachi! Warn a girl… guy, WHATEVER when you are going to enter a bath with just a towel on!

I fling myself about ten feet away from the Uchiha as he begins to enter the water and I smack my hand over my visible eye. My poor virgin eyes were not ready to see Uchiha torso!

Yes I said torso, I ain't planning on looking anywhere else anytime soon!

"... You are a strange person."

"Next time warn someone when you enter a hot spring, un!"

"It's a hot spring… did you expect me to sit by the water fully clothed?"

"No! I mean.. yes…? I mean… STOP CONFUSING ME, UN!"

"... You are acting like this is your first time being in one of these…"

"..."

"Ah. Makes sense."

"Shut up… I'm body shy okay, un?"

I kept my eyes shut until I was certain Itachi was settled in the water. Taking a peek I am eternally grateful that the steam makes my face naturally red, as I am pretty sure I am blushing while staring at Itachi.

He didn't seem to notice I am one step away from a nosebleed, "You are rather difficult to capture. Our leader wants you alive, but you are never alone or you were using that molecular jutsu of yours."

Finally feeling comfortable in my own skin again, I sit up straighter. Damn it, he is still taller than me. "Glad to know I'm so popular. I still don't plan on joining, un."

"Yes, the colors clash with your hair… un." He has the nerve to smirk after the "un".

I splash Itachi with water.

"Damnit, I get enough of that crap from your brother, I can't help my speech impediment, un!"

He chuckles, kinda odd seeing him so relaxed, "My apologizes, you make it too easy."

I splash him with water again.

"Besides, I didn't mean to say that, I just needed something weird to say so I could get away from you guys…" I decide to give a hint, "In another timeline, I would have joined, un."

"What do you mean?" He finally looks over at me. Yes, victory, I have his full attention.

"It's not Pein that wants you guys to bring me in, it's the Masked Man, the one you call Madara... When you use your Tsukuyomi," He tenses up, "... Would you have access to my memories, un?"

"... Yes, if they are willingly given.*"

Thought so, he would never invade other's privacy. "Then activate the genjutsu please, I don't truly believe you are Itachi and I want to avoid eavesdropping. My memories are yours, un."

I look into a pair of red eyes and I get trapped in Itachi's domain.

 _Many cutscenes, manga chapters, and accidental viewings later_

That went well. At least he didn't encounter too many disturbing memories.

"You're reincarnated..?" Itachi gets out of the water with me, as we were both in the springs a little too long.

"Basically, un." I pat myself dry with my towel and slip on my clothes again. Ugh… I'm getting black spots in my visions. That's not goo- heeeeyyy the floor is getting closer!

"Deidara?"

I blacked out.

* * *

 **Hi time skips! Missed you!**

* * *

Sometime later I woke up in the room I had checked into, snuggled in a futon. Sitting up something silky slipped off my front and landed on my lap.

It was an… Akatsuki coat?

"The fuck…?" I poked at the article of clothing draped over my legs, as if expecting it to come to life. It took seconds for panic to wave over me. The coat? Shitshitshitshit! Please don't let the last five years be a dream! I did not join the Akatsu-

"Calm down Deidara… that's mine."

I whipped my head in the direction of Itachi's voice. The Uchiha prodigy is sitting at a table eating some dango and drinking green tea without his coat on. He looked somewhat amused at my mental breakdown. Haha… jerk… you're too pretty and sweet to be mad at.

… I open my mouth to question if he is the real Itachi.

"Your first… 'episode' of this world was watching Sasori fight that Sakura girl, your friend had to spend 5 minutes explaining how his body was a puppet."

Okay, he's the real Itachi. Also Sasori vs Sakura is the worst episode to start with.

I relaxed my body as I look up at the ceiling, "What happened…?"

"Your body gave out due to chakra exhaustion. I brought you here so you could rest."

"Sorry…"

"You have no reason to apologize. I woke you up early. But I can now understand why you reacted in such a violent fashion to me entering the springs." He then goes quiet.

"... Uh… Itachi?"

He looks at me through his bangs, "So… my plans for Sasuke fail…?"

I swallow, here comes the train wreck, "Y… yeah… it fails up until the war… He would have killed Danzo had I not..."

"And that man...isn't Madara."

"..." Oh dear...

I could feel Itachi getting pissed, and I mean _pissed_. I shouldn't have shown him Tobi unmasked. I froze on the spot as a million thoughts were swirling in his head like a whirlpool. I needed to break this tension.

'Think of something random, think of something! OH!'

"Fun fact! Madara can't pee when someone stands behind him!" Why did I say that?

Itachi seemed to be questioning the same thing.

My palm met my forehead, "Sorry… you're a little scary when angry, un."

He regains his composure and runs a hand through his hair. While he processed his thoughts, my own mind was reminded of the things I had seen. It mostly consisted of the anime and manga, which I will need to update my Notebook of Doom ( **AN: Thanks Guest33!** ) as I missed some details.

But the rest we saw were some of my own memories. Small snippets that held strong to me, morning hugs from my friends, waking up to find my cat snuggled by me or just sitting with my best friend squealing our little hearts out over cute things, or from looking at hot anime guys… you know, girl stuff.

Which was all cut short. Three days after my fucking birthday.

I hear myself inhale deeply as tears leak down my face. "Damnit…" Not in front of Itachi, my pride wanted me to resist crying, to suck it up and move on.

My brain then decided to be an asshole and replay my high school graduation.

My body curled up into itself and I broke down. I buried my face into my knees and wailed as I involuntarily revisited every aspect of my life that I missed. Almost as if it was the first day of being reborn my skin didn't feel like my own, it was tight and suffocating. I haven't cried in years, but here I am, letting all of my stress out in front of the person I admire the most.

I hear someone walk over to me, and then put a hand on my shoulder.

I don't care who it is, I grab their shirt and cried into their shoulder. The person didn't seem to care as they just sat as still as possible, resting a hand on my head.

It takes me a few moments to calm down and the person has me drink some tea and to lay back down, as I was close to fainting again. I look at the person, which of course was Itachi, I motion for him to ask away as I snuggle into the warm covers.

"What is your next plan?"

"...I need to change Sasuke's mind about you. He trusts me, and if I can convince him to at the very least talk to you. Then… well... it's all up to what you say, un."

He pauses at me, "You want me to tell him the truth?"

"Would you rather I do, un?"

He doesn't respond to that.

"Itachi…Talk to your otouto, un. I will tell him a little about the truth, but the rest is up to you."

"..." He lowers his head, fists clench.

"I plan on having Tsunade heal you if that's one of your worries." I could feel his disbelief. "I won't let you die. Just… please, try." I whistle and my chocobo enters the room and spits out the container, thankfully because it's clay there was no mucus, "Here. You spoke with me, you now know the truth,this is my end of the bargain, un."

He shakes his head, "You keep it, you may find a better use than I will."

"Itachi, I have no intentions of having the sharingan, I don't want the sharingan, and I especially can't use THIS sharingan, un."

The weasel had the nerve to try to protest again. I will not lose this argument!

"Weasel-kun, take your best friend's goddamn eye before I shove the thing in your eye socket, un." I all but throw the container into his hands. Which he catches despite my angle making the throw off.

"... Shisui…" The amount of love in Itachi's gaze while looking at the eye was both endearing… and disturbing, it's an eyeball.

He then looked back at me, "Why… why are you doing all this for Sasuke and me?"

I bite my lower lip as I hold back a laugh, "It's not obvious, un?" He looks confused. "You've seen my memories. You should know I'm not doing this for Sasuke, un. Getting him to appreciate true art," damn, I sound like the original Deidara, "was just an added bonus."

He quietly goes back to looking at the eye. I guess he understood my hidden meaning.

I just take in this sight, Itachi looks like a man who has been beaten down, got back up, only to be tossed down again. Like a human phoenix, never staying defeated, even when facing death.

Maybe that's why I have kept a strong attachment to him.

"You deserve a better life Itachi." I slowly stand back up and stretch, "Feel free to follow the timeline up until after your first attempts to capturing Naruto. Keep the Akatsuki on their toes. I'll be there to mess with things, un. Oh, don't worry about Sasuke, he won't get the curse mark, I'll take the bite for him if I have to. Maternal instincts and all."

I head outside and create a clay bird.

"And thank you, for… literally everything, un." I hop onto the bird and fly to Konoha.

 **Third person POV**

Sometime later Kisame found his younger partner sitting in his room at the Akatsuki hideout, staring at a container with an eye in it. But that wasn't the weird part.

Itachi was smiling. Not a big one, but it was noticeable.

"Ne… Itachi-san? You okay?"

Itachi quickly morphed his face back to being passive, "Hn… I just had a nice conversation with someone."

Kisame grinned and bared his shark teeth in a teasing manner, "Oooooh? A girl?"

"... Yes." At least mentality wise. "She… cried."

And now the shark man is deadpanned, "Itachi-san, that is not a 'nice conversation'"

"Hn, you wouldn't get it."

"No I guess not, come on, leader has a mission for us."

The Uchiha nods and pockets the container, heading out with Kisame. He just has to wait a few more months, and he'll see his otouto again.

* * *

 **So Deidara and Itachi finally meet again! Five years in the making and it turns into… well hot springs make everything awkward. I was originally going to make the scene a crap ton more serious than planned but I felt that this would present a more casual relationship forming between the two. Deidara was bound to break down at some point missing his old life, so using Tsukuyomi would be a nice way to push the moment.**

*I am going with what the majority of information places + the hints from the light novel suggests that Itachi's files were messed with so he could be an ANBU. Based on other character's timelines (like Oro), Itachi killed the clan at around 11 or 12 in this fanfiction.

*Itachi was able to use Tsukuyomi to give Izumi a whole life, killing her peacefully (in the novel that is). And since he has can control time and space in the genjutsu, I thought it would be cool if he could access memories, but only if the person gives them willingly.

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, reviews are loved and next chapter will have some flashbacks and some Sasuke moments!**

 **Bye guys! :D**


	14. Bells

**Time for some flashbacks, Uchiha moments, and some random crap! This chapter was a bit easier to write, just a few parts needed some extra TLC, unlike the last chapter which was a fiasco. Seriously, I may have took three days to post, but I spent over a week perfecting it.**

 _ **PLEASE READ THIS!**_ This is just so people can save time in reviews for the next couple chapters. I will NOT be typing the Zabuza arc in any way, shape, or form. I have seen too many wonderful authors go on hiatus just when this arc was about to show up, or in the middle of it. Meaning, this arc scares the shit out of me with its bad luck. Deidara will meet Haku and Zabuza, but I will not do a chapter on the arc. Plus, he has no reason to exist in that area, I will instead have Deidara spend time with characters like Hinata and plan for the chunin exam as he will ( **SPOILERS** ) be the proctor for the Forest of Death cause Anko is a sensei.

 **Anyway, thank you guys so much for the love and support through your face, follows and reviews! As per usual, I responded to your guys reviews! :D**

 **MeiaAdey12: So glad that you liked this chapter. I felt as though the Itachi scene helped balance out Deidara's stress. If the breakdown wasn't enough evidence, this whole "I'm in someone else's body" is draining the MC rapidly with each passing moment, she needed some Uchiha eye candy. Wait no further for the Weasel situation! Also melting isn't the correct term, she was literally erasing his existence like an artist would a bad doodle. :D Cause he is a very bad doodle!**

 **JustQuokka: I really have no update schedule, I just post whenever I finish a chapter and my beta gives me her approval lol. (And to put in a matter of how fast I finish a chapter, I will skip around based on my muses, I have like five random bits for various chapters sitting in my computer. For example: I already have a segment of where Deidara meets Tsunade, which isn't for several more chapters.) Glad you are hyped though!**

 **UseFistNotMouth: Well, Deidara won't walk around shirtless if that's what you mean, but yeah, it doesn't bother him as long as no one touches the chest-mouth.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: YAY another Icarus fan! And let me tell you something about that pairing! I originally was going to let the readers decide who I let Dei be with, but when you have a fangirl for a beta, plus several reviews being all "I ship!" PLUS me being an Itachi fangirl… I decided "Meh… fuck it. Might as well develop it!" Plans can change but… Meh, my story, my ships. If I want a pairing to happen, the least I can do for you guys is make it believable and organic. :3**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: I laughed so hard reading this that I made a side story for it, expect it to appear next chapter! XD**

 **Silverwolf310: Check out the side story in this chapter hun. :3 Also yes, crow is best birdie.**

 **Reaper: Aw, thank you!**

 **ArmCannos34: Your humor is similar to my beta, long story short: If she laughs, I keep it in. So yes, both!**

 **kagewolf25: D'awww stop it, I'm blushing. X3**

 **Guest33: Trust me, you are not the only one to have a song stuck in their head. I've had this one MMD video where Izuna dances to a Japanese song stuck in my head for almost a week now. Hope you are feeling better, and college is a pain but it is worth it in the long run. (As a college student myself, I feel your pain) You just gotta keep moving forward~! (All Disney fans should get that lol) Please don't have a heart attack, I'd miss your reviews! D: But yes, Danzo is deady dead dead! (Finally) I'm sowwy Kakashi has been gone, I suck at jugging characters. But, he's in this chapter! Kimimaro is a sweetheart, he just has bad priorities (the side story here is an example lol), and Kimi may have a minor obsession with dragons now. X3 But yeah, Deidara is mastering chakra control to a science, those kiddies are most likely the only reason why she's not going all ham on everyone. I am so happy you are fangirl/boying (dunno lol) over Itachi as much as I did while writing that, and yes… he is the sexiest God of Mortals, all bow at his hot weaselness! But dude, you're killing me with laughter, XD you're freakouts are just precious and I love it! Kisame was so much fun to write, I could hear his dub voice in his lines, and in my head, if I can hear the dub voices I am at LEAST doing something right! And luckily for you, you don't have to wait long for an update! :D**

 **Asia1990: I'm happy I was able to convert another Deidara fan! He's crazy and art obsessed and that's why he is my favorite! (If he wasn't, this fic would have been an SI!Itachi XD) To answer your questions about the chibis: I picked out kids based on my comfort level, personal bias, and what could they bring to my story. Realistically speaking, bringing Juugo to the Leaf is a walking disaster with his random outbursts, and at my level of writing, I do not think I would do him justice. Suigetsu is… well he was a sadistic little bastard as a kid according to Kisame, so he is also a bad idea. And I have answered about Karin before, don't worry, she will be fine, Deidara will help her during the chunin exams. But when Deidara meets Karin, don't really expect much from her, as I have a strong dislike for her as a character. (Karin's past being part of a filler doesn't help, I am mostly a manga reader due to lack of free time.) I am, however, extremely detailed orientated so what I do with her is based on my mood and inspirations. But thank you so much for reminding me about Uzushio! I will definitely have Deidara collect some scrolls for the kid! (And maybe himself lol) :D**

 **Tanner Clark: Yep! Kimi has his plush at 14, his precious Nii-sama gave it to him, he won't throw away something that important. :3**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time/flashback

" _Blah_ " - English

 **Warning: Swears, bad English, violence, truths being revealed, and foreshadowing for future plot points!**

 **Disclaimer: You know, the saddest thing about not owning Naruto is that the recipe for Ichiraku's ramen is still unknown.**

* * *

Returning to Konoha, I am greeted by Kakashi at the gates, he was disgruntled and obviously bothered by something. Considering that I felt better after taking a nap during the ride back, I happily joined him for barbeque. He somehow still has the weird ability to eat food when I blink… dammit.

"So tell me, how did the bell test went? In fact, tell me how the introductions went." I rest my chin in my palm as I enjoy the juicy meet being cooked in the center of the table, no wonders Asuma's team come here often. I'll have to bring the boys over here sometime.

He looks at me with a single raised brow, at least… his visible one, "How did you…? Nevermind." He facepalms remembering our whole "I know the future" shtick. "Here's how it went…"

 _Flashback_

 **Third person POV**

( **AN: for the sake of this fic, teams were assigned the evening after graduation. So team 7 met Kakashi about an hour before Deidara returned home.** )

Kakashi sat in front of his three potential students on the roof of the academy. In all honesty, these three made him nervous, they worked like one person and already seemed to know more than they should. Hell, when they went to the roof, they walked in synch to the point where he could only tell it was three students because of their talking.

"Well, why don't you three talk about yourselves. Tell me about your likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams."

Sakura looked at Kakashi with an annoyed expression, "You should introduce yourself first." She folded her arms across her chest as she gently tapped her foot, waiting for a response.

That was blunt, "Well, I am Hatake Kakashi... I don't feel like telling you my likes and dislikes… I never really thought about my dreams… and my hobbies…" He was sadly, interrupted.

"Reading porn, dattebayo." Three pairs of eyes look at the blond boy, a million questions running across their heads. He sweatdrops, "Deidara-nii tried reading a series called 'Icha Icha' and then burned them saying 'I cannot believe Kakashi reads this.' I asked a shop lady and she said it was porn." Sasuke sighs at this, yep, Deidara would definitely do that.

This caught kakashi's interests, 'So… Deidara does know a lot about me… I don't recall reading my book often around him.' he points at Sakura to change the subject, "Ladies first."

Sakura tilts her head before putting on her thinking face, which consisted of staring into space with a finger to her lip. "My name is Haruno Sakura. Hmmm… I like… training, spending time with Hinata, and shopping with my dad. I dislike making Deidara-sensei mad, bugs and smelly food. My hobbies… training? I guess? I like stylizing hair though. My dreams… two of them, one is to find a nice guy…" She eyes Sasuke for half a second before snapping back to attention, her hand cautiously touches her stomach. Ghost pain from Deidara always jabbing her stomach when Sasuke distracted her training, "And settle with a shinobi family… or become a medic like the legendary Tsunade. Either or is nice to me."

'Impressive, she's not completely boy crazy.' Kakashi points at Sasuke. "You next."

Sasuke glared at Kakashi, 'You are not my sensei yet, I do not take orders from you.' Leaning forward in his classic finger locked pose, "Uchiha Sasuke. My likes are art, and training… the rest is none of your business. I dislike… everything else. My hobbies are also nothing you need to know and my goal is to restore my clan, and to kill a certain someone..."

Kakashi couldn't help but be concerned at how nonchalant the other two are reacting. Usually genin don't think about killing until after their first C-rank mission, but Naruto is yawning like this is the world's most boring story, and Sakura seemed to have found a very fascinating rock. 'What is with these kids?'

"OOOOOHH! MY TURN!" The pinkette and duck flinch away from their blond teammate. "Uzumaki Naruto's the name! I like ramen, and training and Deidara-nii and Kimi-nii and- owwww Sakura-chan!" Sakura had jabbed him in the side so he would stop mid-ramble, "Fine, I dislike how long it takes to make ramen, negative emotions from either of my brothers and math. My hobbies are pranking, training, and being with my brothers… And my dream… IS TO BE HOKAGE! WHERE EVERYONE WILL ACKNOWLEDGE ME, DATTEBAYO!"

Around the time Naruto had said "my dream" the two other kids slammed their hands over their ears. And Kakashi now understood why, his ears were ringing. 'Yep, he can be the distraction in missions… he sounds so much like Obito…' Before he could go down memory lane, Kakashi smiled at the kids.

"Tomorrow, you three will take one final test to be genin… Only a third of the graduating gening classes pass it." No reaction, "Oh... also don't eat breakfast. You'll puke." Kakashi poofed away.

The kids all looked at each other blankly.

"...I'm eating breakfast. Deidara-sensei will kill me if he learns I skipped a meal." Sakura twirls her short hair in thought. Not only that, but she just got to a weight that made her happy, skipping her meals could risk losing it.

Naruto shivers, "Ha! Try living with him! He'd shove food down your throat or ship you to the hospital before letting you leave without eating dattebayo! That... or he'd make Kimi-nii handle the portions… ugh, he serves too much vegetables." He gags at the memories, 'So... much... spinach...'

"Hn… I just don't see the point in going to a test hungry." Secretly, Sasuke was also afraid of facing Deidara's wrath. He accidentally skipped lunch one time at the academy. The next day, Naruto brought a large layered bento box with a cutesy heart covered note saying "If I see a single grain of rice in your layer Duck-kun, prepare to run. ~Deidara"

He didn't listen… that particular area of the training grounds was unusable for two weeks afterwards.

All three chibis shivered before heading home. Sakura planned her morning breakfast, Sasuke painted a picture of shinobi in battle, and Naruto was grateful for once that Deidara was too exhausted for anything besides some cuddles.

 _The next day_

"Your test is to take these two bells from me. Come at me with everything you got. The one who fails to get a bell, goes back to the academy and doesn't get lunch." Kakashi jingles the two bells before attaching them to himself.

It didn't take long for the trio to get the test, as they've had to deal with similar training exercises with each other. The same thought passed over them as they exchanged glances.

'We only pass if we work as one.'

Kakashi muses over the team's expressions, 'What has Deidara been teaching these three? They seem unphased at what I just said.' "Begin." The three vanish into the trees and shrubbery.

Sakura was quick to come up with a plan, with broken English she speaks to her teammates, " _I use earth, go below,_ Sasuke-kun _use fire. Chase to water,_ Naruto _help._ "

After five years of training with Deidara, Team 7 have learned a bit of English, the grammar was terrible, but they understood each other at the very least.

"Hn." Translation: Got it.

"Dattebayo!" Translation: Leave it to me.

While waiting for something to happen, Kakashi eventually pulled out his Icha Icha book to read while waiting for his students to attack. It didn't surprise him to have Naruto be the first to charge in, to him, the hyper blond was the most gullible and headstrong.

He effortlessly dodged the small boys punches, but when he tried to hit back something odd happened.

Naruto would weave out of the attacks, and if he did get hit, it was like punching a balloon. Naruto would just float back to his original position and resume his attacks.

'Heh, guess Deidara-nii had a reason for making me work on my balance.' Naruto smirked as his sensei struggled to knock him off his feet. He was use to standing on needle thin posts with various objects in his hands, if he could handle THAT, he could handle someone kicking him.

Kakashi had to jump on the nearby water as a giant ball of flame flew at him, hitting Naruto instead. When Kakashi began to panic, the burnt Naruto poofed in a puff of smoke, leaving only smoldered grass.

'A clone? Then where…?'

"HAAAAAAA!" Kakashi looks up to find several dozen Narutos flying in his direction. On his left was Sasuke charging at him, handsigns flying as he prepared another fire jutsu.

Quickly thinking, Kakashi used a substitution jutsu to get away and escaped in the wooded area. Quietly panting, he looks from his hiding spot to see the two boys calmly chatting with each other, as if the event moments before didn't happen. The lack of pink hair was also a detail that Kakashi noticed.

"Wait… where's Sakura…?" Kakashi looks around but doesn't see nor smell her anywhere. It took him seconds to realize the scene before him was getting taller, and the sound of the bells were gone from his pouch despite moving around.

"Maybe you should watch your feet more often Kakashi-sensei." A feminine voice giggled from below him.

"What?!" Kakashi looks at his feet, only to realize he has been sinking in the dirt. In front of him an arm shoots out from the ground, in its hand were the bells.

Sakura climbed out from below, a playful smirk on her dirt plastered face. "All according to plan. Hey guys! We got the bells!" She flailed the hang with the bells, letting them to ring wildly, which the sound easily reached the boys' ears.

"We did it, dattebayo!"

"Hn."

The two boys join up with their only female teammates. Kakashi quickly scrambled from his trap, his shoulders slack as he blinks in confusion at the team's mini celebration.

"You three… planned this?"

Sasuke was the first to speak, "The goal was to distract you long enough for Sakura to mask her scent. We heard you have a strong nose from Deidara." He gives Sakura a high five, completely ignoring the fact that his hand is now dirty.

Kakashi had to admit, he was impressed. But he had one final test, "So, who gets sent back to the academy?"

Without hesitation, Sakura drops one of the bells and gives Sasuke a nod. The Uchiha slams his foot on the bell, breaking it in two. He picked up one half, and Naruto picked up the other.

Naruto grins at Kakashi, "None of us. We're a team and it's gonna stay like that dattebayo! Now I gotta go! I promised Deidara-nii to clean up the kitchen!" The blond runs off in a random direction.

Sakura examines her dirty clothes, "I need a long shower, I told Hinata I'd help her style her hair, it's getting long." She walks away to her own home.

Sasuke just shoves his hands in his pocket and pulls out his clay to mess with, "Hn… I'm going to crash at Naruto's." He follows the blond.

Kakashi stood there flabbergasted, not only did they pass, they walked away from him before he could even tell them!

Slowly, he turned his head towards the sky, silently praying.

'Sensei, if you can hear me, please tell me I won't regret this.'

 _Present time_

After Kakashi finished his tale, Deidara was on the floor laughing his ass off.

"Y-you got your ass h-handed by my ch-chibis hahaha… a-and they just w-walk away like you're last week's meatloaf!" The blond male had tears in his eyes as he found this to be the most amusing thing to happen all day.

Kakashi sulks in his seat, "Why do they listen to you?"

Deidara was quick to regain his composure, the smirk on his face only added to Kakashi's misery, "Because I earned their respect at a young age. They see me as an older sibling and mentor. You're just a stranger to them, un. A weird, porn-reading, masked stranger."

Kakashi gave the blond an unamused expression, "Yet you happily hug this 'porn-reading stranger'." He tried pointing out, only for the bomber to pat his head.

"Not only that, but I know what is behind that mask. Besides that, I wish you luck and hold no responsibilities for any trauma you may experience from being their sensei, un." Deidara laughs sadistically as Kakashi paled in fear.

He honestly cannot tell if the teen is serious, or just messing with him.

 **Deidara's POV**

'Poor Kakashi, he's going to suffer hell from teaching those kids.' I mused to myself as I walk past Sakura, who just took a shower based on how clean her hair is.

Out of all of the kids, she has transformed the most. Her arms and legs were lean but muscular, her hair was still in her bob but she wears her forehead protector like a headband to keep her bangs out of the way. Reminded me of a childish version of her hair when she became a mom.

And thank Kami her wardrobe is better. She still wears pink and red, but has kept those to undershirts and mesh armor respectively. Her outer shirt tends to be black or dark blue button ups or jackets with some kind of belt around the waist, to keep it snug around her body. Attached to the belt was a pouch that I'm guessing has medical supplies and kunai. The rest of her body was just a pair of shorts and bandaged shins, her joints exposed for maximum mobility.

Sakura has focused more of her time on training than appearance. Often her outfits look like she just reached into a closet and wore whatever wouldn't get her killed.

Sniff, she is so like me. I'm proud.

I wish I had gotten to Ino before she graduated, but she has a jounin for a father, it's not my responsibility if she is not a good kunoichi. The brat even had the nerve to demand that I train her with Sakura, not ask, demand. Sorry honey, I won't train someone that's not willing to give up petty rivalries. Looks like Sakura is going to kick your ass in the exams.

Reaching my apartment I am greeted with Naruto cleaning up the kitchen, and Sasuke chilling on the sofa like he owned the place. He might as well just move in at this rate, he spends more nights here than any of the other kids. And Neji has his own toothbrush here!

Looking over the chibis, honestly they… have not changed much appearance wise. The only difference are that their pants are black and Naruto wears an orange jacket that actually fits him.

I never bothered with how they looked except for color and size. Unlike Sakura, their outfits never said "Kill me! I'm an easy target!" like her tight fit dress.

Trust me, I tried one of those on to prove my point to her father. Not only did I look damn good in it, I could barely breath.

"Duck-kun, can I talk with you in private?" Sasuke looks over at me confused before nodding. I kiss Naruto's cheek and took Sasuke outside. "Walk with me, un."

Leading the young Uchiha away, I took him to someplace I honestly have no right to be in. But it's the only place that seemed like it would be free from prying eyes.

The Uchiha compound.

Sasuke gives me a strange look, "Why are we here Deidara?"

I shrug, "Well, I just thought I'd pay my respect. And I need an Uchiha with me to enter, un." The entire compound was filled to the brim with a feeling of despair. My mind would reply the massacre again and again as it was fresh in my head, thanks to my conversation with Itachi.

"Duck-kun… tell me about that night, un."

Sasuke lowers his head, guess it was also fresh in his mind.

"I was coming home from training… and there were bodies everywhere. I ran home and… Itachi, my older brother was standing over our parents dead bodies." He takes a shaky breath, I could hear his hatred. "He killed the clan to test his power! That's why I need to become stronger! So I can avenge my clan, and kill him!"

I put a hand on his head to stop him, "Tell me… how do you know he did it to test his power?"

"He told me."

"Oh…? I see… I've been hearing a different version, specifically from Danzo."

"Danzo?" Sasuke parrots back with a head tilt.

"Yeah, just before he died, he summoned me to his office. He was... overwhelmed with grief as he poured his heart and soul to me about a crime he committed, un." Well... Danzo did pour his heart out, but in the more… physical meaning.

"What did he say?" Sasuke's face slowly morphed into outrage.

"He said that the Uchiha were planning a coup… and to protect the village, he ordered Itachi to slaughter everyone. Everyone but you, un." Sasuke's in the denial stage. "He claimed that Itachi threatened the village's safety if you were harmed..."

"He lied! He had to! You cannot believe things like that!" Sasuke grabbed my shirt, trying to shake some sense back into me. I had to grab his wrists and hold them in the air so he would look at me in the eyes.

"Sasuke," Sasuke stops talking, I NEVER use his real name when talking directly to him, it's always been Duck-kun, "no one can lie to me. You know this, un." I shuffle my feet, even with shoes on I have become a walking lie detector. Even the best of liers cannot stop their heart from quickening, their body temperature from changing, the shifts in tone, I can feel it all.

I have even been offered a job at the Torture and Interrogations. I would take the job... but they usually need their captives alive.

Sasuke's legs give out and I had to catch him, the boy hanged limply in my arms as he processed the change that his life could potentially be a lie. I hook my arm under him and lift him up so he could rest his head on my shoulder. In the corner of my eyes, I can see him staring blankly at the house behind me.

I run my fingers through his spikes, "Duck-kun, I want you to think about what I am going say… I think, should you run into Itachi, you may want to talk to him, un." The boy stiffens with the temptation to run away, sadly for him, I have a vice grip from raising a wet soap bar like Naruto.

Plus, I already swore that if I took anyone under my wing, I would never let them go.

"Why should I...? He'll only spout lies." He hisses in my ear through his teeth.

"And if I was there with you, un?" He doesn't respond, just becomes slack in my arms, I know this is Sasuke for "I'll think about it." At least I got to that stage.

"Let's go visit your parents..." I adjust Sasuke so he is less heavy, and walk to the Uchiha gravesight. There were so many markers, all named, each one an untold story cut short. I set Sasuke down so he could talk to his parents while I quietly walk around the other graves, quickly bowing to Shisui's name.

As I got farther into the grounds, the markers become older and more worn out. 10 years ago... 40 years ago... and finally I got to 70 years ago.

"Hey Izuna…" In the farthest corner of the graveyard, laid a marker that has been worn to the point where its name was gone. As if to be forgotten. I had to dig into the old Uchiha archives to learn that Izuna was the first Uchiha buried on Konoha soil.

Leave it to the Uchiha clan to push everything Madara related to the side.

"You know, your eyes caused a lot of shit… Madara gained the rinnegan and then had someone plant them into the eyes of an Uzumaki child. None of it was your fault of course, you're dead. But man," I run a hand through my hair, "what is with you Uchiha men and revenge? I get Tobirama kept spouting the whole curse of hatred thing but… gah, I blame Black Zetsu, un."

Of course there was no response, the dead cannot talk without the Edo Tensei.

"You looked so much like Duck-kun, sorry, I mean Sasuke. You know him and his older brother are the last in your clan? Duck and Weasel, quite the combo, un." Of course, there is Obito but I don't want to bother Izuna's grave about him.

I give a soft chuckle before pulling out some clay, quietly molding it into a miniature version of the Uchiha's uchiwa, setting it down by his grave. "Things may change, things may not, a time may come where I will have to take matters into my own hands. I hope I can trust on your help, un."

A soft wind blows, my hair follows its direction as I laugh, I don't care if that's Izuna or just good timing. Standing up, I bow lowly to the grave before returning to Sasuke. He had some point cried and is asleep by his parents graves.

I smile before kneeling to the two names, "Your son is a pain in my butt… but don't you two worry, he'll have a good future, un." I pull Sasuke onto my back and head home, one sleepover won't harm anything.

I chose to ignore the single red eye staring me down from a nearby tree.

* * *

 **Side story #4: Ukon, Sakon and Kimimaro** ( **During the mission when Deidara was killing a certain old bastard** )

 **Kimi's POV**

After hugging Nii-sama goodbye, I went next door to collect Ukon and Sakon. We have to hunt down Anko-sensei as part of our training everytime we have a mission.

I only had to knock once for the door to swing open. Sakon was in control of their shared body right now and I could tell Ukon was asleep.

"Mission time already?" The younger twin ties his forehead protector on and grabs his pouch.

"Yes, Anko-sensei wants to test our teamwork in an assassination mission." Despite the fact we are genin, Anko-sensei is a more hands-on jounin, ready to throw us into danger so we improve.

I could tell by our first test that she was our sensei purely because Nii-sama is friends with her and he was unable to become our jounin instructor.

Sakon nods before speeding off to find her, I lazily trailed behind, they will find our sensei, I just need to wait at the gates.

Walking down the stairs I pass by Hiashi-sama… odd, usually Nii-sama has to go find him. Not the other way around. Despite the weirdness, I bow in respect, Hiashi-sama just nods in acknowledgement.

Reaching the gates, it didn't take long before two sets of feet land by me.

"Alright kiddos! You three ready to slash some throats open?"

Sakon lets out a sadistic laugh while I gave no signs of enjoyment, I merely nod.

Anko-sensei slumps her shoulders while staring at me, a teasing pout forms on her lips, "The least you could do is show SOME excitement!" She puts her hands on her hips and gets in my face, "Come on! You show plenty of enthusiasm around Dei-chan, why not me?" Because he is Nii-sama, you are neither a man, nor my brother, you are someone I must respect to keep Nii-sama happy.

"My enthusiasm is from my actions, not my words. I do not see the joy in killing." My clan enjoyed fighting to the death, their bloodlust resulted in me becoming the last with the clan's name. The last son of the Kaguya clan.

She sighs and shakes her head, raising her arms in a "I give up" position, "Man you pacifists, how you become shinobi is beyong me. Oh well!" She slams her hand on my shoulder, "You're stuck with me kid!" Her lips twist into a grin that reminded me of otouto, just more feminine and sadistic.

One hand signal from her later, and we all bolt into the woods.

 _Sometime after the mission_

I do not have time for this.

Standing in our way are a bunch of shinobi wearing pale purple, dark grey cloth covers their faces from the nose down and all were poised to attack.

One of them speaks, "The one with the white hair, our master wants you. Come quietly or we'll kill your teammates."

Nii-sama makes scarier threats. Tilting my head I watch as the shinobis' faces turn to disgust as I slowly pull out my boneblade from my shoulder, muscles and tendons lay loosely past the skin. ( **AN:Look at Kimimaro vs Lee in the manga, they go into so much detail with Kimi's bone attack… it's gross.** )

"I must pass. I promised Nii-sama that I would give otouto a bath today." I twist my body and slash one of the shinobi's chest open. "Please die swiftly, he will be home soon."

"Wow Kimimaro, you are too devoted to your brothers! Work on your priorities!" Sakon smirks with a teasing laugh as he charges towards multiple enemies at once. I can see Ukon is awake but remaining motionless. They love toying with their opponents.

I can't see Anko-sensei anywhere, but then again, she is most likely looking around the area for traps.

I remove my shirt and tossed it to the side, Nii-sama would kill me if I destroyed this one. At the same time two shinobi leaped towards me, only to become skewered as I shoot out bones from random spots of my body.

I got their blood in my hair, I will have to clean up before otouto gets home.

"What the hell?!" I turn to see Sakon fighting an opponent. Judging by the man's bulk, he is the group leader. But he didn't seem to understand how three arms could be attacking at once.

"You never noticed me, as long as we fight as one, we have no blind spot." Ukon rasps out a laugh as he grabbed another shinobi's wrist that tried to attack Sakon from his blind spot, slashing their stomach open with a kunai.

Within minutes, a team of ten now lay dead before us. I put my shirt back on as Sakon stretches, "Nice fighting there Kimimaro."

"Thank you, it was a smart tactic catching them off with your kekkei genkai." While we swapped battle ideas Anko-sensei returned. She was livid at seeing the corpses and quickly used fire jutsu to destroy them.

"Orochimaru… Come on! We need to head back to Konoha! NOW!" We nod and follow our sensei back to the village. But I had to wonder, who is Orochimaru? Why does Anko-sensei and Nii-sama speak about him so frequently? Judging by Ukon and Sakon's panicked expressions, they know who this man is. I will have to question them later.

Turning in our mission report, I returned to my family's apartment and quickly cleaned up, I do not enjoy having otouto seeing me come home with blood. After drying and dressing, draping my dragon over my shoulder, I prepared some food for later. Nii-sama will most likely pass out when he returns and will be unable to cook, otouto shouldn't cook either, he is graduating today.

As I relax on the couch, my mind replays when I had first taken the twins to the academy, quite the eventful day.

 _Flashback_

"Everyone, these are your new classmates, Ukon and Sakon." Our sensei introduced the twins to my classmates, they peered at the newcomer cautiously as I begin to question something.

'Wait… where is…?'

"Um… Sakon-kun? Where is your brother?" Sensei looks out the hallway as if expecting the older brother. He was with us this morning...

"Ukon is with me." I would be lying if I said I didn't find that smirk of his unnerving.

A girl, Tenten I believe, pipes up, "What do you mean? I don't see him."

Sakon shrugs dismissively before sitting next to Neji and me. 'What is with that growth…?' I couldn't take my eyes off the weird growth on the back of his neck, I swear I saw it move.

Sensei returns to the front of the room with a confused expression, "I guess Ukon-kun is not attending class today. Very well, class, you will be sparring with each other. Follow me!" He leads us to the training area and paired us off. I, as per usual, was with Neji.

Sakon was facing Tenten.

Neji and I just fought like we usually did, this gave Neji the ability to practice his clan techniques, as my kekkei genkai protects me from his blows.

Then the screaming happened.

We snapped our heads to see a bunch of girls, and a handful of boys screaming as a third arm appears within Sakon to hit Tenten, who had used weapons behind him. The growth behind his head began to shift and turn to face the brunette.

Oh… that's where Ukon went. Now I've seen everything. ( **AN:Wait until you meet Orochimaru… damnit he can't hear me.** )

"Heya, no attacking my brother's back." Ukon separated from Sakon, causing more screams. Together they knocked down the weapon user and claimed victory.

The response was 1:1, half of the kids thought Sakon cheated, the other half were interested in their kekkei genkai. I could understand why Nii-sama would take them under his wings.

I have an odd feeling Neji will not be on my team. And judging by his expression, he agreed.

 _Flashback ended_

Otouto returned home, beaming with happiness.

"Heehee, Kimi-nii! Look!" He then proudly presents me his forehead protector, "Iruka-sensei passed me, dattebayo!"

I feel my lips form a smile, "I'm proud, congratulations otouto." I calmly sit in my seat as he retells his tale of how he graduated.

I will remind myself to kill this Mizuki person later.

"Otouto, you need to have a bath." Otouto stops in his track and before running to the bathroom. Nii-sama has trained him well in hygiene.

Speaking of Nii-sama, he should be home soon. I go to the kitchen and get the tea ready for when he comes home.

He works hard, so the least I can do is make the house ready for his return.

* * *

 **I did a shit ton of foreshadowing in this chapter. (Have fun guessing!) Also, this just threw information into your guy's face! But I felt the pacing was good, it presented an idea of just how different the main trio are compared to their canon counterparts. Sakura is more tomboyish, Sasuke is more chill, and Naruto can take a hit!**

 **The Sasuke bit was a challenge, but considering he has spent half of his life with Deidara, he trusts the bomber. And yes, Deidara is a walking lie detector, Naruto cannot get away with anything… not like Dei would stop him, mwahahahaha!**

 **Next chapter we will catch up with some characters while Team 7 heads into the Zabuza arc.**

 **As per usual, reviews are loved, your guy's support is loved, and I will see you all later!**

 **Ja ne!**


	15. Dangers

**I'm noticing a pattern, it seems like every other chapter I struggle with my writing. Don't get me wrong, I liked this chapter, but there were some scenes where I would spend HOURS on thinking "I hate this part, change!" This chapter had so many branching paths that I literally had to call up my beta and talk to her on which one to do. I don't do well with choices DX that's how people die!**

 **The side story… perfectly happy with, no reason to complain. It made me smile, so I'm good.**

 **Thank you guys so much for the fave, follows and reviews, also prepare to see some roasting cause we had a good one ladies and gents!**

 **StudentoftheBible: First off hun, if you're going to preach to a straight A English student who's breezing through college essays like it's a joke, please make sure you're using proper grammar, capitalization, and punctuation. You, on multiple occasions, forgot to cap the f in "Father" and the g in "God", and many of your sentences were run-ons with no commas. Second, when you have both an Agnostic and Buddhist fact-checking your work, you failed to do your job; the commandments are not Jesus' but Moses', please review your own bible if you wish to teach me about your God. On a side note, my other friend, who is a devout Christian and grew up with the bible, found you obnoxious. ^-^ And thirdly, if "anime, games, movies, books and ect are the work of the devil" then hail Satan, cause he is downright HOT in most animes! I hope you feel special, as you are the first religious reviewer on this fic! All you did was give my story more attention. Thanks!**

 **VenaHope: Deidara won't, but Kakashi will. :3**

 **18Dragon: Thanks!**

 **Asia1990: I will definitely consider the whole Uzushio bit with the Mask Storage Temple, considering it gives me an excuse to keep messing with Orochimaru! Kishimoto was pretty bad at planning, and his editor was a control freak (at least based on the interviews). Regarding Honoka, I did look her up a long time ago and to be frank, if I did not watch the filler when it first came out, I have zero intentions of going near them. Unless the Akatsuki was in an episode or it was based on the light novels, I stopped watching all filler after the Pein invasion arc. Plus with college, I do not have much time to watch filler. Sorry :(**

 **ArmsCannos34: Your review made me laugh XD, also yes, that engrish!**

 **MidnaMoo: (love your username btw) The struggle is real right there. I know the feeling all too well.**

 **silverwolf310: Awww thanks! X3**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: Stop killing me with laughter! XD Kurama really is a glorified pet and yes, ninja noodles is best noodles. I would kill to try chakra noodles lol.**

 **Tanner Clark: I already had several scenes written out literal weeks ago. It was just a matter of minor touches and adding in the rest of the chapter. Helps that I work on chapters ahead of time when an idea smacks me. :3 And that dragon is totally canon in this story. XD**

 **Reaper: Maybe :3 Loving the Avatar:TLA fans!**

 **ladybug002: Glad you are enjoying the story!**

 **Notsae: It gets more noticeable later on but he is rather devoted lol. It's his family and reason to live, so he's gonna be protective.**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

" _Blah_ "- English

 _Blah -_ passage of time

 **Warning:Swears, violence, mind in the gutter, nerding out, kidnapping, drugs, overprotective baby brother, side story is cracky.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but if I did the Pein vs Naruto battle would have had a better animation budget! More action less Looney Toons**

* * *

The following morning, I couldn't get out of bed, my entire body was weak and my head was spinning. Kimi had taken my temperature when he noticed I didn't leave bed before they did, I really hope I'm not sick and this is just a phase.

"... You're staying in bed Nii-sama…" He showed me the thermometer, damn, 39°C. "I'll ask someone to check on you while we are on our missions… I'm sorry we couldn't stay to watch over you."

Thankfully, I haven't developed a cough, but I could tell that arguing or making my brothers worry is one of the worst things I could do, "It's fine Kimi… I just… need...sleep, un…" Annnndddd I pass out.

Waking up, what I assume was a few hours later, I see Hinata putting a wet cloth on my forehead.

"Deidara-san! Hello." Hinata helps me drink some water then has me lay back down.

I give her a weak smile, "Hey sweetheart… How have you been, un?" Being a clan heiress and now a genin in a different team has limited her time being with us, but it makes me happy to see that she is more confident. Hell, I heard from Hiashi that her stuttering is almost gone completely!

Hinata twiddled her fingers, old habits die hard, "It's good… Shino and Kiba are nice and Kurenai-sensei is supportive. We had the day off today, so Kimimaro-san asked me to check up on you… Do you need anything?"

Hinata, I cannot wait for you to be my sister-in-law. I begin to shake my head but that made me get splotches in my vision, "Owww… No, I'm okay… just… tired." It's been literal years since I got sick, this body has such a strong immune system. I guess I'm sick from the extreme stress of everything that's happened leaving my body.

That, or it's because I exposed myself to hot springs, Tsukuyomi and dusty old graveyards in a single day. I live off of stress.

Hinata tilts her head and I couldn't help but notice that her hair is shoulder length, tied into a bun, it looks cute on her. 'I'll have to get her a hair pin for her birthday… wow I have weird thoughts when half functional.' Hinata interrupted my thought process with a question.

"But… I heard you haven't eaten…"

"I'm not hungry, un…" Why is she pulling out a piece of paper?

" 'If Nii-sama claims to not be hungry, heat up some soup and from the fridge and make him eat.' Kimimaro-san wrote this." Damn me and my parental rules.

I sigh in defeat, "Alright. But I'm getting up, un." Hinata helps me get to my feet and I quickly put on some fuzzy slippers and a bathrobe over my pajamas. Walking into the kitchen, I help her prepare the soup and then sent her to watch some TV while I ate.

"Yo!"

I jolt in my seat and look to see Kakashi sitting next to me, I could tell he was smirking. Thanks asshole.

"Morning Kakashi…" I yawn, too tired for sass. "Need something…?"

He leans to my ear so Hinata can't hear, "We received a mission to escort a bridge maker named Tazuna. If I see the puddle then… I'll do what I can to keep Zabuza and Haku alive."

I give him a weak smile, "Thank you… if you wish, have the chibis go all crazy on Gato, tell them they have my permission, un." If they get permission to do certain things, I know Sasuke won't hesitate. Naruto would hesitate, but join in once Sasuke started having fun, and Sakura is turning into a mini-me, she'll hop into battle… man, I did not expect that to happen in the slightest. ( **AN: Scares my beta to think about it.** )

Kakashi pauses for a moment, "And if the two Kiri shinobi resist…?"

"Tell Zabuza, 'When you first met Haku, the boy smiled at you and said "your eyes are just like mine"' Tell them that there is someone in Konoha that knows about them and is offering them sanctuary in the village, un." Kakashi ponders at the idea before nodding.

"Alright, but don't expect much." When he stands, I grab his wrist.

"Ask them if they remember a boy with white hair and green eyes, un!" Kakashi pauses and looks at me. I only let go of his wrist when he nods.

I relax in my chair and finish my soup, people in this world have amazing memories thanks to the constant usage of flashback-no-jutsu. But at least I've increased the chances for those two to live.

Apparently eating drains more energy than it should, after I ate I made a beeline for my futon and crawled under the blankets. Playing with some clay until I fell back asleep, the the same time I felt Hinata leave the apartment to go home.

I woke up ever so slightly later when someone picked me up. The only reason why I felt this was due to being ill, my body was hyper sensitive and I keep my room cold. Counterproductive I know, but I don't like warm rooms. I weakly groan in protest, trying to roll away to return to the blanket. The person holding me shifts me into a more comfortable position and flared some chakra. 'How nice… their chakra is fire… fire is warm...' I couldn't help but snuggle into the warmer body.

My eyes closed before I could look at whoever picked me up, all I know is that they were wearing black.

 _Undisclosed time later_

I woke up in some bed, I know it's none of my brothers' because the bed was black and void of personality. Naruto's bed has an orange blanket with green frogs on the trim and Kimimaro's… was also void of personality, but it had his dragon plush!

The room was also unfamiliar, dark wooden walls and flooring, with a black carpet. I turn my head to see a desk with a short redhead hunched over something that looks like a puppet.

'Wait… red hair…? Puppets…? WHAT?!'

Even in my fogged up mind could see what was wrong with this picture, "Sas...o...ri.. da-" I smack a hand over my mouth before I could say "danna", the honorific was alien to me, but my brain automatically added it to my speech. Damn my fangirl habits!

Sasori turned to me with a blank expression, "About time you woke up brat, you know I hate waiting."

'Huh…?' I discreetly have my palm mouth bite its tongue hard enough to feel it, 'Not a dream, that's for sure.'

"Um… I'm… sorry?" I slowly sit up, causing the room to spin before me. I nearly collapsed when Sasori puts a hand on my back to steady me and put a glass to my lips.

"Drink, it's medicine, you're ill." Gee, you don't say? I had no idea, I thought I sat in an office chair for five hours.

I jerk my head away at an instant, 'Right, like I'm stupid enough to accept anything from you.' I glared at him as he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"It's not poison brat, I'm not going to kill my partner." My brain blanked long enough for him to make me drink the suspicious liquid.

"Part...ner, un…?" What the fuck?!

"You must really be sick to make you forget the last five years. You lost to Itachi at the temple, and became my partner." As if to prove my point, he holds up my right hand. Staring back at me was Deidara's Akatsuki ring with the kanji for blue on it.

My mind went into a frenzy.

"BULLSHIT!" I shove Sasori away as I spring out of bed, blood rushed out of my head but I kept myself steady by putting a hand on the post. "This is BULLSHIT! I am not part of the Akatsuki! I am Deidara of Konohagakure, older brother of Uzumaki Naruto and Kaguya Kimimaro! And YOU!" I jab my finger at his wooden chest, "are not my partner, un."

He folds his arms, like a parent would just before scolding their child. Ironic because I'm almost a head taller than him, "What proof do you have of these 'brothers' brat?" Sasori, I love you, but call me brat again and I'm gonna shove a colony of clay termites down your throat.

I slam my hand on my collarbone with an audible "smack", before noticing the lack of medal around my throat. Repeatedly patting my neck and chest I look in my shirt, my heart dropping.

I don't have my necklace, I never take it off.

I take a slow shaky breath, guess whatever Sasori gave me was indeed medicine as I felt my head clearing up. I look at the redhead, blood rushing to my cheeks as anger grew in me. "Where is my necklace, un?"

"What necklace? You never wore one."

'This has to be some kind of trick.' I slam my foot to the ground, making him raise an eyebrow. How convenient, Hidan and Kakuzu are not in this location. I can't piss off the Jashinist long enough to make him spill.

But Itachi's here, so there is a silver lining.

"Forget it." I storm out the room, thankfully I can be all Toph about this hideout and locate people. Provided they don't pop out of nowhere like a certain jackass!

"Senpai!" OH JESUS FUCK DAI-... Wait, wrong person.

Standing in front of me was Tobi… I feel my entire body tighten in fear as I stare at his orange mask. 'Run, run run run run! Danger danger danger danger!' It's been five years! I could possibly kill this asshole and walk away like it's nothing.

So why does Obito cause so much terror to flood into me…? Maybe it has to do with kamui, if he catches me in that jutsu, I'm as good as dead.

"Senpai! Leader asked me to bring you to him!" He grabs my wrist and proceeds to drag me, I try to pull away but damnit, Uchiha's have vice grips!

"I don't have time to speak to Pein! I need to speak with Itachi, un!"

Tobi looks at me from over his shoulder, "Aw, but Senpai! Leader demands that you be seen! Itachi-san is busy!" His grip tightens as I am practically thrown into an office.

Pushing myself up, I look to the other side of the room, and sitting in a chair was Pein and Konan. I would have to be an idiot to not notice Tobi was hiding in the shadows too.

"You seemed to have recovered." Pein doesn't even provide a greeting.

I back away slightly, "This is wrong… I never joined the Akatsuki, I ran before you guys could make me join, un." My anxiety spikes to the point of panicking when I feel myself getting pulled back to my original spot, thanks to Pein's bansho ten'in.

Pein slowly rose from his chair, I can tell why he is considered a God, he has no aura. Like an otherworldly being, he doesn't need a presence to be respected, "You have been in the Akatsuki for five years now, due to a mission gone wrong, you have been rendered unconscious for several days with a high fever. Sasori has been watching over you the whole time."

I almost believed him for a moment there, Pein doesn't have a heartbeat, he can lie. "I don't believe you... I'm a shinobi of Konoha, the older brother to someone YOU are hunting, un."

Konan joins the conversation, "Do you have proof that you are a member of Konoha?"

My hand automatically reaches for my necklace, but it's gone, I quickly feel for my headband and rip it off. My heart stops.

It was an Iwa headband, perfectly slashed acrossed. What… the… fuck...

My hands shake so badly the object falls and lands on the ground with the noises clatter I have ever heard. It echoed in my head, I need the truth, I need to know if this is a dream.

I need to speak to Itachi.

"Do you have proof Deidara?" I look up at the woman.

"... No… no I don't, un…"

"Then whatever you thought happened were all from delirious dreaming, you fever was-"

"YOU CANNOT MAKE UP THESE MEMORIES!" Everyone stops, my arms flail in each and every direction as my mind floods with memories of the past few years, "You can't! I can feel every moment I hugged my kids in my arms! I can smell the scent of the stupid shampoo I had Sakura pick out! I can taste the first time Anko tricked me into having Sake! I can feel the insanity that waved over me as I slowly erased Danzo from existance, bit. by. bit. I refuse to believe that I joined this fucked up organization that thinks kidnapping will bring peace, un!" Pein responded by yanking me to where I am now standing right in front of him.

My whole body goes stiff when his hand lands on my shoulder, "You seem to need convincing."

I look up at him dead in the eyes, his rinnegan stared at me without an ounce of emotions. I do need convincing, but not from him.

"I want to speak to Itachi. I refuse to cooperate or believe a word that you say, I will only listen to him…" Pein nods at Konan, who then leaves to collect the weasel.

I cautiously take a peek at the corner where Obito is standing, I can see his sharingan eye drilling a hole in my back. I quickly keep my attention to Pein, is looking at me like someone would a bug. I don't fear Pein, but I respect him enough to keep my head down and one arm hugging the other to take up as little space as possible.

'...I wonder if I could save any of the Akatsuki… probably not… Kisame is too loyal, Pein and Konan… maybe… but doubtful, Hidan and Kakuzu are WAAAYYY up on my kill list… same with Zetsu. That leaves Sasori and Ita-'

"You summoned for me Leader-sama?"

I bolted to Itachi faster than a fangirl seeing an accurate cosplayer. He is literally the only person I feel safe enough to be around right now.

He looks down at me with a blank expression, I resist the urge to greet him with his nickname as I grab his sleeve, "Itachi, tell me the truth, am I part of the Akatsuki or not, un?"

"You are. You lost to me and agreed to join us." The fact he didn't hesitate kills me on the inside. There was nothing on his face, but a blank expression, as if he was looking down at me. I feel anger bubble inside me, the rational and irrational sides fight to take over my thought process as I felt my face grow more and more red.

I grit my teeth, "Use your Tsukuyomi on me, un." Konan and Pein exchange glances as Itachi slowly blinks

"Pardon?"

"You heard me, look into my memories. Do it or I'll tell everyone about M-"

One pair of red eyes later and I am in the genjutsu.

 _In the Tsukuyomi_

"You panic too easily Deidara."

I whip my head in his direction, he was more relaxed and looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"What the fuck is going on?! I'm sleeping in my futon back in Konoha, then suddenly I'm at the Akatsuki hideout with Sasori in the same room and he makes me drink some weird liquid and calling me his partner and- mmmf!" Itachi had covered my mouth with his hand to shut me up.

"Breath. I will explain." He only removes his hand after I take a few breaths and relaxed my shoulders. "You've been asleep for three days, and whenever you started waking up Sasori would drug you. Obito had Pein give the order that if you were to wake up before Sasori could knock you out again, we were to pretend that you joined the Akatsuki. Your delirious state would have you believe the past five years were all a dream."

"...Does he really think I'm that stupid, un?" No response, "...Are you the only Uchiha to exist besides Shisui that wasn't a complete asshole?" Again, nothing, I facepalm. "Figures."

"How did you figure it out though?"

I point to my feet. "The original Deidara focused so much time on his art and countering the sharingan, he forgot to work on his sensing. I can tell where people are, what they are doing, and if they lied, un."

"Smart." I beam at the praise.

Though the ego boost quickly deflates, "Itachi, I need to get home. Naruto will return soon and I need to prepare for the chunin exams, un. Orochimaru will be there… If I don't return before then… Sasuke will…" Itachi puts a hand on my shoulder.

"That is what this genjutsu can be used for. I'll help you create a plan. Or at the very least I can find a way to return your necklace."

I bite my lower lip in thought before giving Itachi a small smile, "I owe you, un."

He shakes his head, "No. You do not owe me anything."

So we sat down and began working on scenarios.

 _Outside the Tsukuyomi_

 **Third person POV**

The three adults quietly wait for the genjutsu to end, it only took three seconds for Deidara to collapse at Itachi's feet.

Deidara pushed himself into a sitting position, his face pale and eyes dulled over. Konan observes this carefully, 'His spirit broke...?'

"This… It can't be… They're memories… not dreams..." The bomber hugs himself, Konan eyes Pein, who after giving her a nod, goes to the teen and helps him stand.

"Come, you should rest." Deidara limply hangs his head as the woman leads him out, Itachi only follows long enough to exit, then returns to his own room.

Konan takes Deidara to a new room, one that was next door to Sasori's as he was Dei's partner. Having the blond lay down Konan gave him a once over before leaving.

'I thought he would not have been fooled by such an easy trick. But, Madara knows best.' She sighs before returning to her partner and best friend. ( **AN:Let's be real, who else began humming "Mother knows best" from** _ **Tangled**_ **?** )

 **Deidara's POV**

It is so easy to act depressed when your brain thinks about sad things from… literally everything. Itachi and I planned out a few different ways for me to escape and during the final few hours we just viewed a shit ton of sad things from my memories, ranging from anime deaths to soldiers coming home.

I swear Itachi sniffed a few times. He's adorable when emotional.

I stare blankly at the ceiling, focusing my chakra onto my palm mouths. I realized while in the genjutsu that while playing with my clay back home, some of it was still in the mouths before I passed out.

For some reason Sasori never thought to check them, despite the fact I spent three days unconscious in his bedroom.

…

That sounded more dirty than intended.

I snicker to myself but pause when I hear the door open a crack. I lift my head to look only to scream.

"GAH! Sorry Senpai! I didn't mean to startle you!"

"Then why the fuck did you slowly lean into my room like a creeper Tobi, un?!" I hold my hand over my heart trying to steady it. Things are bad enough when Obito freaks me out, I don't need the Tobi mask to give me a heart attack.

He rubs the back of his head, "Ahhhh… I thought you were asleep, but since you are awake, can I ask you something?" He begins to enter the room closing the door.

'Don't panic, don't panic, Sasori is next door and the walls are thin enough to where I can hear him tinkering." I push myself up completely, tucking a leg under my chin I motion to the random chair in my room, which he childishly plops into it backwards. "What did you want to ask, un?"

"What did you dream about?" I stiffen, should have seen that coming, "Sasori-san said you mumble in your sleep. Can you tell me what they were senpai?"

'What do I say? He knows too much for me to bullshit my way out of this! … Wait, I'm a nerd, talking is what we do best!'

Without hesitation, I gave him a detailed description of the Kingdom Hearts storyline.

 _HOURS later_

"And that Tobi, is how Sora and his six other versions of himself defeated thirteen Xehonarts, restored light to the worlds, and married his best friend Riku!" I ended the whole thing with a big thumbs up. I totally lied about the last bit, but seeing a man in his thirties squirm uncomfortably was too much fun to pass off.

I have never seen someone's whole body show physical regret until now.

"Umm...that's fascinating Deidara-senpai… I uh…"

"I also had this other dream where a young boy made a contract with this super sexy demon that became his butler-"

"Thank you senpai! I'm going to let you rest now!" He storms out of the room slamming the door shut.

Deidara:1. Obito:0.

I somehow forgot he was Obito halfway through my detailed explanation of how attractive Axel was. Leave it to fangirling to forget your fears! Though, I can already tell things will not be pretty when he decides to drop his facade.

Oh well, he killed Konan, he deserves any form of torture I can give him.

I quickly slide off my bed and felt for any spying, sensing none I get to work. Using what little clay I had left, I made a clay bird and some frogs. Placing the amphibians against my wall I quietly pray that I'm fast enough to get away.

"Art… is an explosion! KATSU!"

BOOM! Oops, too much chakra.

I threw the bird outside, poofing to a flyable size and hopped on just as Sasori barged in.

"Hey Danna! If you ever meet a girl named Sakura, don't fight her! You'll die, un!" Just before flying off at high speed, I see him send a puppet after me. I threw the last of my clay at it, blowing the doll up. "Sorry! I don't like puppets, un!"

I fly through Amegakure, completely soaked within seconds but I keep my flight pattern wild and jagged to avoid any unwanted landings.

By the time Pein stopped the rain to send Konan after me, I was long gone.

* * *

 ** _Time skip cause I'm too lazy to fly, wee!_**

* * *

I crash violently into Konoha, sending my body flying into someone.

"Oh! My youthful friend! Lee, get help! Neji, get your friend!" I never thought I would miss Gai this much.

Within a matter of minutes I'm surrounded by people, all asking various questions as I am being sent to the hospital. As the doctors check my vitals and bloodstreams after mentioning Sasori, I explain to both Team Gai and Team Anko.

"I was captured by the Akatsuki, drugged and almost tricked into believing I joined them… I managed to escape thanks to someone on the inside, un." Anko and Gai looked confused by that last part, that means I have connections inside the Akatsuki.

Kimimaro wraps his arms around me in a tight hug, he was shaking… I worried my brother so much, "I-I'm sorry Nii-sama… If only I had stayed home…" Tears began leaking from his bright green eyes as he refuses to let go of my shirt.

I put a hand on his head and returned the hug, "Shh… no Kimi… you didn't know, I didn't know either… I managed to get away, that's what matters, un."

"But… what if…"

"If you finish that statement I will kick your ass, un..." I give him a kiss on the forehead and Neji carefully removes Kimimaro off me so Anko can take over the spot. She punches me in the arm with a laugh, ow...

"You had me worried Dei-chan. Kimimaro came running into my apartment at three in the morning yelling about how you were missing. I had to knock him out before he began screaming." I look at my brother who is being comforted by his shorter friend.

"Sorry for worrying everyone…"

Gai pipes up, "It's quite alright! Now that you are back the village is youthful again! Come Lee, let us run 100 laps around the village in celebration!"

Lee shoots up his arm, "YOSH! Gai-sensei! If we fail we must run another 100 laps on our hands!"

Gai gets anime tears, "Oh Lee! Such youth!" The nurse then kicks the two out before they could make another sunset.

Said nurse politely turns to me, "Good news, whatever you were given was actual medicine. The drugs you were also given caused no harm to your body, they were low dosage sedatives, nothing addictive."

I sigh with relief and slumped myself against Anko, Sasori was actually telling the truth when he said they weren't poisons. He really was prepared to accept me as a partner.

I'll make sure he lives during shippuden.

"Thank you, un." I signed myself out of the hospital and went home with Kimimaro, everyone else left at the same time.

Seeing as it was getting late, I made Kimimaro and myself dinner then took a bath. I've been unconscious for three days, I don't care what happened during that time, I just want to feel clean…

This just keeps getting worse in my head.

"Kimimaro, I'm going to sleep. Goodnight, un." I head to my room but was stopped when my brother practically materialized in front of me, "Yes…?"

He stays quiet, before lowering his head and starts fidgeting, his cheeks flushing red with embarrassment… Kimi, you're 15, stop being so damn adorable.

"Did you want to sleep with me tonight, un?" I couldn't hold back a smile when he nodded. "Go get your plush."

He went to get it without hesitation as I quickly change into some comfy clothes, settling in my futon, Kimimaro snuggled next to me and possessively hugs my stomach.

"Uh… Kimi…?"

"I will kill anyone who tries to take you away from us." Before he fell asleep.

… Okay, I won't complain. I kiss his head gently before hugging him close.

"Goodnight Kimi-baby..."

 _Middle of the Night_

Taptap… tap

Gee, this seems familiar.

Not wanting to get up I give my window a thumbs up to indicate that I'm okay.

Taptaptap… clink

…

Did Itachi's crow just clink?

I violently twist my head to look at the window, staring into a pair of red eyes, Itachi's crow taps at the window again.

Tap clink tap

I carefully climb out of bed, mindful of Kimimaro's death grip. Silently reaching over and opening the window, "Itachi, it's…" I look at the clock, "2 in the morn-" I stop mid sentence and did a double take on the clock. Yep, 2:26 in the morning.

Before I say anything, the bird hops to me and drops something in my lap, staring down at the object, I had to resist the urge to kiss the bird.

My necklace, the boys' photos are in them too.

"... Thank you, Itachi, un." The bird ruffles his feathers as a slight breeze entered my room. Yikes it's cold out!

"You can sleep over birdie." I return to my futon after closing my window.

That's how I ended up with my protective younger brother clinging to my waist, and a feather duster pressed against my head.

* * *

 ** **Side story #5: Itachi**** **(** ** **During the hot spring Tsukuyomi scene**** **)**

"3-2-1 MAKE SOME NOISE!"

At some point while having Itachi review the anime and manga, I just stopped caring that he was standing next to me and allowed my inner nerd to come out. I would mimic quotes, laugh at some scenes, or, like I am right now, burst into song whenever an opening or ending happened.

He didn't seem to care, if he did he never made any comment to stop me.

I began going through my own memories to review details I had forgotten. But I didn't expect Itachi to do anything besides looking at the anime and manga, he's mature enough not to snoop.

"Deidara… What am I reading?" Well… I have been wrong before.

"Hm? What did you find, un?" I carefully walk over to Itachi and look at the memory, it's a lot of words. Turns out that the sharingan translates English words into Japanese, he just cannot understand it verbally.

"Let's see… Itachi is a new student at Konoha high and encounters…" I can feel my face heat up as I breeze through the reading, "Um… oh my…" It appears that the Uchiha has found the fanfictions.

Now, in my old life, I read all kinds of fics, but I mostly read T rated stuff and anything M was usually in the horror genre. I tend to prefer fluff and cute moments over the hardcore stuff. Though I would read it from time to time.

Itachi, sadly found the hardcore stuff. And he has been reading them.

"Uhh...You were not suppose to see this… At all…"

"I can tell."

I let out a nervous chuckle and quickly lock away all of the fanfiction memories, "Please do not read those. They hold no important information, un." I quickly returned to my area and was watching Kabuto teach Obito about his version of the Edo Tensei.

"... Hmm… so that's how Madara became youn-"

" _Sexy eyes, sexy nose, sexy mouth, sexy love~_ "*

Fuuuucccckkk he found the MMD.

"Itachi, please do not watch the MMDs!"

"... Why am I in an apron?" Jesus Christ, I understand Itachi is a teenager, but come on!

"Someone made a computer model of you. There was an animated short of you making eggs dressed like that, un." I then resume my watching. "Okay… the hand signs are…"

"Why is an older version of my brother kissing Naruto…? There's also picture of you and me-"

I bolt to him, "ITACHI! For the love of all things holy, don't follow your namesake* and STAY AWAY FROM THE FANART, UN!"

I had to monitor what he viewed from now on.

* * *

 ** **I am not kidding, that Akatsuki bit had at least 5 different branches just from the Pein talk alone! Don't even get me started on what would have happened had Dei believed them. I have not struggled to make a decision in so long, and I play Telltale game!****

 **The side story was inspired by a review from MelonLordOfMelons and that was fun to write. Anyone catching all of my hints I've been dropping the past couple chapters? PM me if you figure it out! :D (I want people to figure it out without reviewers spoiling it lol)**

*The MMD Itachi watched was: 【MMD NARUTO】 Uchiha Clan X Sexy Love by Kamui0210 on youtube. Check out their work, they are amazing!

* Weasels are known for being curious little buggers X3

 **The next chapter is in progress, expect an update this weekend my lovelies! I know my schedule is a mess, I just update whenever I'm happy with a chapter.**

 **As usual, reviews are loved and I will catch you guys later!**

 **Bye!**


	16. Bonds

**This chapter was meh to me, liked some bits but it's a necessary chapter to have just before the chunin exams as it allows some changes to show between the original timeline and Dei's new timeline. I already have the chunin exams mapped out (My beta and I spent almost 2 hours figuring out the fighting rounds) and ooooooohhhh boy, I'm gonna have FUN writing that shit! Not kidding, the chunin exams was my favorite arc in the original anime hands down!**

 **I will also have some premade Q &A in the author's note down below to save you lovelies some time. :3**

 **Thank you guys for all of the fave, follows and reviews, it's always a way to brighten my day!**

 **707cloud: That was the point in making that chapter, in a way it was Deidara's ultimate test to see if he could see through deception. I'm glad it got you emotionally invested! :D**

 **Mackenzie Willow: Kimi will always be the overprotective little brother. X3 Also that side story will be my favorite for a long time.**

 **MidnaMoo: Yikes! I'll have to take a look, thank you!**

 **Tawnypelt37: I was dying from typing it. XD**

 **silverworlf310: I'm good at making guys uncomfortable actually, it's a hobby of mine to make my guy friends squirm lol.**

 **Asia1990: Woohoo! That MMD is one of my favorites and it fit so well into the story that I had to give it a shoutout. Also wait, that girl only had one episode? Man I thought it was several episodes, I may be able to watch it, then determine afterwards, but she's most likely already dead due to timelines. Also sure, I'll take a look at the story, just PM me. :)**

 **ArmCannos34: Maybe Until Dawn is a better example of branches lol. But yes, anime fans can either make or break it, but you always gotta stick your nose in first!**

 **cassianaswindell123: That quote sums Dei in a nutshell.**

 **Guest 33: Hun! D: Focus on your health first, don't worry about reviews! Get lots of rest and eat healthy and get better soon! I will have a moment where Dei tells her buddies about the whole reincarnation thing, don't worry! Also considering Jiraiya taught Pein and his buds and he's friends with Orochimaru… yikes, no wonder they ended up the way they did lol. I'm planning on delving deeper into Dei's subconscious about this whole ordeal, she has not moved on completely from her old life and will need a gentle push from someone. (I won't say who, but they will show up just before the timeskip to shippuden.) I'm happy I was able to make you laugh, poor Weasel-kun needs to stop being a curious little guy when it comes to her memories, imagine if he had found the doujinshis! XD Thank you for the support, but make sure you put your health first and get better! :3**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: … Dude… my beta and I friken love you right now. I read your review in my English class and my tablemates thought I was crying because of how I laugh! XD**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: Kimi is very yandereish isn't he? He won't go on the level of Yuno Gasai, but someone tries to hurt his loved ones better hope he kills them swiftly. I think Obito just flat out regrets trying to talk one on one with Deidara at the base, never try to fish info from a fangirl, we can talk for hours. XD**

 **Jeli26: Might as well be by now lol. My beta is pushing it and I personally like the idea a lot.**

 **Reaper: Maybe, I would just think they would be extremely unstable due to the explosion release.**

 **VenaHope:Tell me about it. X-X**

 **mui. sakurai. 73: Thank you so much! :D**

 **FieryRedRose789: Yeah… welcome to Kpop, they tend to be very repetitious and use the same English words over and over again. Not a fan, I just watch the MMDs for the dancing.**

 **Renavelia: Ironic considering the stuff Itachi's seen in his short life huh?**

 **draconianking: :3 Teehee**

 **Ladybug002: Glad you liked it hun! :3**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

 **Warning: Foul language, more drug talk, fangirling, Kankuro hating, annoying penguins, OOC moments.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did, biting your thumb to do a summon wouldn't have that disturbing crunch sound.**

* * *

The next three days consisted of multiple hospital visits and the inability to be alone at any given time. Despite the fact that the sedatives caused no physical harm to my body, the medicine did. It killed whatever illness I had contracted, but it also ate up most of my energy as my body tried to destroy it. The first day coming home Kimimaro spent a good ten minutes trying to wake me up with Itachi's crow all but screaming in my ears. I'm the lightest sleeper in the household, this warranted enough panic to undergo some tests.

I had to spend three days for four hours every day going through tests, blood transfusions, and even more medication to counterbalance the plants used in whatever Sasori gave me. Fun… very fun, I just looooovvvveee taking medicine, note my sarcasm.

On a side note, I had to return my ring to the crow. I had completely forgotten that it was on my finger, and I didn't want to risk it being used to track me or alert me of meetings.

Whenever I wasn't in the hospital, I was always with someone. I would usually hang out with Team Gai, training with Lee or getting to know Tenten. She's actually a pretty cool kid, though her idea of cute is questionable. ( **AN: More on that in the side story at the end**.)

By the time the third day rolled around, I finally had every trace of Sasori's drugs flushed out of my systems, thank Kami because I hated taking all of those pills. On a happier note, Naruto and the gang were returning home!

At the gates we are greeted by the genin team, Naruto runs and hugs Kimimaro and me, but what caught my eye were the two trailing behind Kakashi. Holy shit… it worked!

"HAKU-CHAN!" I throw myself off of Naruto's grip and proceed to hug Haku tightly. The poor kid is so lost and Zabuza is staring at Kakashi, if he had eyebrows he would be raising one right now.

"I'm guessing this is the brat you told us about Kakashi?" Did he just call me what I think he called me?

Kakashi rubs the back of his head, "Yeah… you see, Deidara-"

"Call me a brat again Zabuza-san and I'll shove Kubikiribocho so far up your ass you'll spit it out, un." Someone pat my back, I said that name without stuttering once!

At first, Zabuza didn't take me seriously considering I was nuzzling Haku's head like he's an oversized plush. But a frantically waving Kakashi, and four kids shuddering were good enough indicators that I have more than one way to keep that threat.

"Fine, fine. But how do you know about us-" I shove a piece of paper into his face. I didn't want to verbally explain the future, so writing it was a good way for the Kiri shinobi to learn the half truth, while also saving my breath. "... I see… fine kid, since Haku and I are alive I'll believe this."

"Good. Please note had I been in this situation a year earlier, I would have taken Haku with me like I did Kimimaro, un." Haku at some point during the hug just relaxed into it due to an overflow of loving aura. My ice muffin was alive and I am keeping it that way!

Though Kimimaro heard that statement and is giving me a questioning stare, I blow him a kiss. I'll have to tell him at some point, he's too smart for his own good to not figure it out.

Zabuza nods, "Note taken. I take it that you will vouch for us to the Hokage?"

"Just tell him that Deidara is involved, un." I let Haku go, who hides behind Zabuza blushing and returns to my own chibis. Giving Naruto a loving hug and smothering him with kisses.

"Deidara-nii! Stop, dattebayo!" Naruto flails, trying to escape my affection.

"Shush, I haven't seen you in almost a week. Let me love you, un." A giggle behind me causes my head to snap at Sakura and Sasuke. Both kids pale instantly.

"Who wants to be smothered first, un?"

Kimi pipes up, "I don't know Nii-sama, Sasuke-san needs someone to greet him from missions." What a thoughtful brother I have, always caring for others. Though Sasuke had the face of utter betrayal.

Naruto snickers with a cheeky grin, "I'd run if I were you teme."

And so the Uchiha did just that.

…

He didn't get very far.

Zabuza looks back at Kakashi, gently patting Haku on the head in comfort, as the boy is still embarrassed, "Is this normal?"

The masked shinobi sighs and pulls out his porn, "Usually it's just Naruto. But Deidara is a mother in a man's body to put a long story short."

The fellow masked shinobi nods in thought, "Haku, make some friends." Like a father trying to make his nerdy son play football, he nudges the boy to Kimimaro, who looks at the ice wielder with interest.

Kimimaro gave Haku a long look, a spark of recognition lit up both boys' faces as they remembered their encounter years ago, "Have you ever sparred with a Hyuuga before?"

Haku tilts his head, "Not that I recall." Giving the bone boy a questioning gaze, blinking a few times.

Kimimaro nods in thought, "Nii-sama, I will be taking Haku-san to Neji's. I will be home later." He then walks away with Haku to the Hyuuga estate.

I wave him goodbye while keeping a grip on my Duckie, "Be good, un!"

"Deidara, let me go!"

I snort, "Please, you love this attention. Now come on, we need to have ramen, un." I throw Sasuke over my shoulder while leading the other two behind me. Sakura is calmly talking to me about the mission, while Naruto is teasing Sasuke about being a sack of flour. This earned him a ride on my other shoulder and Sasuke laughing at my brother's misery.

Both adults look at each other with the same thought.

'Thank every deity out there that I'm too heavy.'

 _At Ichiraku's_

"So, anything new happen during the mission, un?" I casually eat my ramen while Naruto slurps up his third bowl.

Sasuke pauses from his eating and looks at me, his sharingan activated with two tomoe in one eye, and one in another, "These activated while I was fighting Haku."

'So they did fight, I wonder how Haku and Zabuza got to live then.' I lift up my hand and waved it to the point where you could only see it when I changed direction. Sasuke easily lifts his own hand and copies me. Woohoo! The copy ability works!

Seriously, Uchihas don't do a lot of copying if memory serves me right. Mostly Susano'o and Amaterasu.

"Nice Duck-kun, though don't expect me to allow you to rely solely on your new eyes when training, un. I'll start making you fight blindfolded." I give him a smirk as he frantically nods. Sasuke doesn't need the sharingan to become strong, they just make it easier.

And I just don't believe in going through things the easy way.

I look over at Sakura and observe her relaxed posture, she's stopped staring at Sasuke obsessively and is enjoying life to the fullest. She's a little bud that is so close to blooming into a lovely kunoichi.

If she keeps this up, I guess I'll encourage her to begin a relationship after she becomes a teenager… AFTER she becomes a teenager, and that's like 16 in my book.

The pinkette quickly finishes her ramen and excuses herself so she could say hi to her parents.

I look back at the boys, "Let's go to the training ground, I want to see how strong you two are, un." I head out after paying for our lunches and they quickly follow on my tail.

They lasted a solid twenty minutes against me working together. Their teamwork is flawless.

They're ready for the chunin exams.

 _One week later_

I watch as each jonin instructor began recommending their teams to the chunin exams. Kakashi signed up his trio without hesitation, knowing that not recommending them would invoke an unhappy me.

However Anko, looked at me for permission.

With a single nod, she faces the Hokage, "I, Mitarashi Anko, recommends Kaguya Kimimaro, Ukon, and Sakon to the chunin exams." Everything went smoothly until Iruka had his panic attack. I can understand his panic though, the Konoha 9 are all around the age of twelve.

After Iruka argued with Kakashi for a moment, he turned to me, "Naruto is your brother! He hasn't even been a genin for that long, how do you know he's ready?!"

"I don't, but I trained him for five years, it is up to him on what he does with it, un." I calmly examine my nail polish. "But he's my brother, he will not disappoint me. Neither will Kimimaro, un." An unspoken thought process went through the minds of those who know me.

They will never disappoint me.

 _Meanwhile with Naruto and Chibis_

 **Naruto's POV**

'Why did I let Konohamaru run his mouth?!' I repeat this several times as we ran away from Sakura-chan and Hinata. Konohamaru called Sakura-chan ugly and that caused her to chase us, Hinata is only getting involved because Sakura-chan is her friend.

Why did Deidara-nii have to train them both himself?! He specifically took them both as his students, making them mini hims in terms of power!

"OOF!"

"Huh?" I pause my running when I watch Konohamaru fall to the ground after running into someone.

The guy had this freaky purple make-up, like a cat or Sasuke after a long paint session. Next to him was this pretty lady with blond hair and a big fan on her back. Their forehead protectors were from Suna, if my lessons with Nii-san were correct, but neither seemed friendly.

Overall, they looked weird.

"Ugh, just a bunch of brats. Why is Konoha so full of weaklings." The cat guy scoffs before grabbing Konohamaru by his shirt and lifted him off the ground. Konohamaru's friends shouted out his name as I get more angry at the guy. How dare he insult our village!

I quickly made a shadow clone, in the corner of my eye Sakura-chan was preparing to fight while Hinata got into a stance.

"Oh? You punks wanna fight?" The guy pulls off a weird bandaged-up thing from his back. The blond girl looks at him panicked.

"You're going to use the crow?!" Huh? Crow? Deidara-nii has a crow that follows him, but this doesn't look like a bird.

"Kankuro… that's enough." The two freeze in their places and look over at a tree. Hanging upside down was another boy with red hair. But something was off about him.

I'm not sure if it was the strange gourd on his back, or the fact that he doesn't have any eyebrows.

I wasn't paying too much attention to what they were saying, only that he made the two back off. "I'm sorry, for any trouble he may have caused."

I look at Sakura, she was pale and let out a gulp, "It's fine. You three are for the chunin exams?" Huh? Chunin exams? It's already that time of the year? Wasn't Kimi-nii planning on participating?

The blond girl nods, "That's right, we're from Sunagakure and we must be off to meet our jounin instructor. Goodbye." With that the three Suna shinobi turn and left.

They didn't even have the nerve to tell us their names, except for that… Kankuro guy? I can tell that if Deidara-nii met the guy, he wouldn't like him.

'Also where the hell is Teme!?'

 _Back with Deidara_

 **Deidara's POV**

"Test them if you wish, but they will enter. Please excuse me, there is someone I must greet, un." I politely bow to my senpais and leave the building. Using my sensing abilities, it took me seconds to locate my target.

Standing before the three, my eyes lock with a pair of cold green eyes and my heart clenches. This body caused him so much trouble in another life, and here I am, looking at the version before the headbutt of love from Naruto. The cutest human panda in existence.

Sabaku no Gaara.

"Gah, another Konoha punk to piss me off?" Oh right, his siblings are also here. Fuck you too Kankuro. I never really liked him, I don't know exactly why, he just… annoyed me by existing.

"Careful there Kankuro-kun, I could easily have you disqualified, un." I give the boy a teasing wink, who cares if he's a year younger than me? I'm mentally way older than him and I love it!

Temari smirked, "And how could you do that? And how do you know our names?" She cockily folds her arms in mock defiance. Careful Temari, I know your future husband.

I give the three a mock bow before walking to them, "The names Deidara, I am the proctor for the second event of the chunin exams, un." That shut Gaara's siblings up, though Gaara is a walking pile of adorable serial killer apathy.

"Is there any reason why you decided to bother us?" Oh, damn, he has to avoid making death threats to Konoha shinobi because of the plans. Oh well.

"Just to warn you three that snakes cannot be trusted, un." Kankuro and Temari exchange glances while Gaara gives me a suspicious expression. I really want to hug Gaara, I really do… but I also like living. I'll resist the urge until after Naruto kicks his ass.

… Naruto, please kick his ass soon.

Speaking of snakes, guess who walked up behind me.

"Pardon me? I couldn't help myself but overhear that you are a proctor for the exams?" I bend my head backwards to look at Shiore, a living Crona* as so many versions of the Naruto media gets his gender wrong*. Though it doesn't take a genius to tell that this was Orochimaru.

"You heard right, how may I help you?" The Suna siblings leave while I talked to the snake.

He gestures to his teammates, "This is our first time being in this exam, would you show us where we go to register?" The fact that he expects me to believe this lie is almost hilarious. For some reason Shonen Jump villains like to think their prey are idiots.

Foolish snakey, I'm an idiot, but not that kind!

Being the polite person that I pretend to be, I nod while twisting my body so I stood straight, "Sure. Follow me, un." I calmly head to the building, but that is interrupted when I am quickly tackled by Kimimaro. "Yes…?" I could feel Orochimaru staring intensely at my brother… back off bitch, he's my chibi.

"With your permission, may I enter the chunin exams Nii-sama?" He shows me the registration paper and I facepalm. Damnit Kimi, you don't need to ask me these things! "But I did not want to make you worried." Woops, didn't mean to say that out loud.

"Yes, you may enter the exams. Now shoo shoo, I need to help out this team register, un." Kimimaro looks up and blushes realizing that he may have embarrassed me in front of others. Quickly scrambling to his feet he bows lowly to the team and runs off.

I am going to have to teach Kimi to not bow at snakes, he's suppose to kill them.

"What a cute otouto you have." I bristle at Orochimaru's comment. Locking eyes with him, I could feel my chakra making my hair rise like a protagonist in a Ghibli film. Thankfully, it was windy enough to trick the eye.

"Thank you, I rescued him from a snake attack years ago and adopted him. I suggest never fighting him head on, you'll die, un." I inwardly smirk at Oro's unamused expression before I lead them inside the building. "You register here. Good luck in the exams, un." I then bolted out of there.

Wanting to avoid running into anymore people I quickly head back to the apartments. Tenzo was given the task of constructing a new building so everyone I brought to Konoha all live in the same area. I kept the layout to my apartment the same, but I made sure each complex fitted the person living in them.

I also did this because I had a weird feeling that I was going to be bringing in more people to Konoha soon.

With the chunin exams only being a few days away, I hide in my room and pull an all nighter to prepare.

 _Back with the chibis_

 **3rd person POV**

Iruka had his three clones disguise themselves as masked shinobi. Each one tasked with testing out Team 7.

The first target was Naruto.

Iruka had kidnapped a girl that the blond was playing ninja with some other kids. Without hesitation, Naruto used dozens of shadow clones, and pummeled Iruka like a punching bag. The clone didn't stand a chance.

The next target was Sakura, a very similar situation happened. The moment he got even close to her she spammed earth jutsus, if Iraku was anything but a clone he would have died from the spire the young kunoichi had stab his abdomen with.

"Oh! Sorry Iruka-sensei's clone! Deidara-sensei told me to use that jutsu if a man approached me with malicious intent." The pinkette giggled as the cloned poofed away. Iruka is now wondering how much influence the bomber has on these kids.

Considering that Sasuke's idea of handling the clone was to repeatedly stab him with a palette knife because he interrupted the Uchiha's painting time… Deidara has a strong influence.

Iruka poofs to Kakashi, pale and covered with a nervous sweat, "They will be JUST fine during the exams."

Kakashi looks at the teacher confused, "What happened?"

"Sasuke-kun stabbed my clone with a palette knife…"

A raised silver eyebrow later, "Those are some of the dullest knives in existence."

Iruka shivers, "Not when it's in Sasuke-kun's hands. You might as well give him a kunai." The teacher poofs back home and tries to relax after the whole ordeal. He couldn't help but smile at how much the three have grown over the last few years, he has little to worry about now.

* * *

 **IT'S TIME TO DU- whoops, wrong anime**

* * *

 **Deidara's POV**

Before Team 7 enters the building to take their tests, I hand them all wrapped boxes.

"Eh? Deidara-nii, what's all this about, dattebayo?" His teammates shared the same thoughts as they stared at their own boxes.

"Open them, un." That simple statement was enough to make the three chibis dig into their presents. I had to let a smile form on my lips, 'Even though they're old enough to kill now… they still act like kids…'

Naruto was the first to open his present, he stared confusingly at the small orange creature staring up at him with big brown glossy eyes. It took them all a few seconds to realize the creature wasn't breathing.

It was a clay fox.

I spent the week before the chunin exams perfecting realism into my art, using colored clay I was able to create detailed sculptures that moved as if they were real.

"Each of you get a clay companion for the chunin exams, they are to help protect you and only you. Just give it a drop of blood and it will bond to your chakra, un." I wince when Naruto bit his thumb, that crunch noise!

A single drop of blood later and the fox blinks, scampers up Naruto's jacket before draping itself over his shoulder. Once settled it yawns and quickly closing its eyes as if falling asleep, I even put soapy water inside its body so it mimics a snot bubble… I couldn't resist.

Sakura was the next to open her box, I struggled to pick a creature for her. So I decided to give her a chirithy from Kingdom Hearts. The little dream eater settled on her head when given blood and happily settled down.

Sakura giggles, "These are so cute! Thank you Deidara-sensei!" The pinkette hugs me while the chirithy easily balances on her head. Good to know that she likes cats.

Sasuke on the other hand… was anything but amused. He stared at his creature with disdain and reluctance, as if it was a sick joke.

It kind of is, I gave him a weasel.

"Really…?" Sasuke looks up at me with an annoyed expression, he sets the box down as if it contained one of Kakashi's books.

I give him a cheerful smile as I chirp out, "Yep! It's either a weasel that you wear as a scarf, or a duck sitting on your head, un!" I'm grateful he doesn't have the mangekyo yet right now.

I had to hold in my laughter as I made him give blood to the clay rodent. Once alive it scrambles up Sasuke's shirt, wrap around his neck like a scarf, and almost instantly blended in with his skin. Sasuke's weasel was tricky to make, I had to use rare materials that blended in with its environment to get the right mixture, and had Haku help me reflect his skin tone. Unlike the clay fox and chirithy, the weasel isn't made to be seen, in fact, it won't survive past this day.

It will be the thing that Orochimaru bites, not Sasuke.

Unless you started feeling the Uchiha's neck, you cannot see the weasel, it doesn't move, doesn't get in the way, and it doesn't attack. All it is made to do, is blow up in Orochimaru's face, better that Duck boy get's burned than a cursed hickey that can literally bring Oro back to life.

This, is also the next step in getting Itachi home.

I gave Kimimaro a clay creature earlier in the morning. After less than a minute of consideration, I made him a replica of his dragon plush. I ended up squealing and hugging my brother seeing a long dragon draped over his shoulders lazily snoozing away. Kimi's happy, blushing expression added to my glee.

I give each chibi a kiss on their cheeks followed by loving embraces. I love these kids, I love them so much, and I feel like a proud parent sending their child off to their first day of school.

Only difference is that this school has over 100 plus shinobi waiting to kill them.

* * *

 **Side story #6: Tenten** ( **During the 3 day timeskip** ) **Suggested by cloth slayer**

I sat boredly under a tree watching Team Gai train. I was pretty much useless after my most recent hospital visit, so all I could do was make some sculptures.

At some point Tenten sat next to me and began watching with fascination as I turn a simple lump of clay into…

A penguin? Weird, penguins aren't something I typically make, they're useless in battle and can't fly. This one was particularly strange. It had big googoo eyes and mini devil wings on its back.

Okay, curiosity got the better of me, I toss the sculpture onto the ground and let it grow to size with a poof.

"Wow! Thanks for making me dood!"

My eyes bug out as I quickly look at Tenten, who seemed equally as confused. Did my sculpture just talk…? And call me… "dude"? Or was it something else? Sounds like dude.

When the smoke vanishes, standing before us on peg legs was some freaky penguin with a sewn belly. Almost like a poorly made stuffie. It waves to us frantically to get us to snap out of our stupor.

"You okay dood?"

Oh my Kami this thing is so…

"Are you a man or a lady? I can't tell dood!"

Annoying.

Its voice is cute, but no way in hell do I want this as a clay creature. Nu uh, if I'm gonna have ANY talking creatures it's gonna be something I recognize.

Though there are some familiarities in its design, mostly in it's weird sentence ender. Maybe I saw it on a youtube video once?

I hold up a handsign to blow up the sculpture when Tenten stops me.

"You're so cute!" Seriously girl? I give Tenten a sideways glance and the girl proceeds to hug the penguin. "What is this Deidara-san?!"

"I'm a prinny! I have to serve until I can reincarnate. It's a hard life dood!"

My eye twitches as Tenten openly accepts this weird creature. Especially after it pulls out a comically sized bomb from it's pouch. Oh… I accidentally made it a C2… lovely.

"Can I keep it Deidara-san?! Please?" I look at the weapon user for a very long time.

Eventually, I sigh, "Yeah sure. Go ahead. Just don't cause too much mayhem with it, un."

I had to smile at Tenten's enthusiasm though, you learn almost nothing about her in the main series. Honestly, the Rock Lee spin off is what made me like her character in the first place.

I actually forgot about her existence for quite some time.

After helping her make a blood bond with the prinny, Neji walks me home.

 _A few days before the chunin exams_

"MAKE WAY DOOD!" I leap to the side as literal dozens of those freaky penguins run past me. What the fuck?!

"Hey Deidara-san! Did you know that the clone jutsu works on your sculptures if they're connected to chakra?" Tenten laughs past me after the prinnies.

I slowly rub my temples, a massive headache began to form. Great, I gave Tenten a penguin army.

I still can't remember where I've seen those creatures! I know they're from a video game, but I'm not sure where!

Gah, I should have made heartlesses.

* * *

 **Prinnies are from the Disgaea series, a video game franchise that I am completely unfamiliar with, but this gave Tenten some love so I decided to go for it. I watched a few videos and found them charmingly annoying, so naturally Deidara would get peeved by its existence. They'll make appearances whenever I give Tenten screentime, but they won't have any major roles anytime soon.**

 **Peg-legged penguins aside, next chapter we nose dive into the chunin exams! YES! FINALLY! I have been working on this one chapter for literal over a month that I am excited to post later on! (it's not this coming up chapter. You guys will know which one it is because I'll be gushing happiness in my author's note.) I'm so excited! X3**

 **The following bit are a series of questions that I have made premade answers to. Please refer to these if any of your questions involve the exams, if you want to more details please PM me. If your question is not listed here then ask away! :)**

 **Will Sasuke get the curse hickey?** NOPE! That's what the weasel is for! :D

 **Will X team be in the fighting rounds?** Minus Team Anko all of the teams will remain the same.

 **Can you have person A and person B fight in one of the rounds?** PM me your idea and I will discuss with my beta. :3 We already mapped out all of the fights, but some are open for change.

 **Why is Deidara taking Anko's spot?** Because Anko is a sensei now, it's so Konoha can avoid claims of favoritism, plus Dei needs to keep an eye on everything.

 **How does the blood bond work?** Similar to a summons, the clay creatures are no longer controlled by Deidara besides their original intent (Like the weasel is to remain motionless until bitten) and are linked to their new human's chakra.

 **Are Haku, Sai, or anyone else in the exams?** No, Haku does not have a team and Sai is ANBU level.

 **Will any of the Akatsuki be involved?** Minus Itachi's crow (Thus giving Itachi screentime), do not expect any Akatsuki members appearing until the end of the chunin exams unless I make a random ass side story.

 **Will Deidara bring Gaara into the Leaf?** No, but Dei will be hugging that panda when the time comes.

 ***Insert ANYTHING Karin related here*** \- The kid will be FINE, I will not repeat myself, Karin will not be going to Orochimaru. She will NOT play any major role in the story and if she did, it won't be until shippuden. Please, do not ask about her, I do not like Karin in the slightest. Deidara's goal is to save people that die, and she seems hunky dory being friend's with Sakura in the Boruto arc, there is nothing else to say about her.

*Crona is a character from Soul Eater whose gender is unknown even to the creator.

*The person Orochimaru uses is called a man in everything but the anime dub, and some english translations of the mnaga. I only learned just recently that the body was a dude's body to be completely honest.

 **Hopefully this all covers your guy's questions about the exams, but do not be afraid to ask these questions anyway, I will make sure they are answered.**

 **As per usual, reviews are greatly appreciated and loved and I will see you guys in the chunin exams!**

 **PEACE!**


	17. Test

**Hey guys! I got bored and decided to post this early! This was suppose to go up on Wednesday, but my struggles with the next chapter made me want to focus on it a bit more.**

 **Thank you guys so much for the fave, follows, and reviews, you guys are sweethearts. :D**

 **ArmCannos34: I am a very detail oriented person after all :3 I love adding little touches here and there.**

 **JustQuokka: Sadly very little human Itachi interactions for the next several chapters, as this is the chunin exams. But he will appear later again!**

 **Mackenzie Willow: Meh, my kid brain always saw it as a very flat chested woman. His fight against Hiruzen revealing a woman's face doesn't help either lol XD**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: You need to work for Honest Trailers dude XD you're idea of humor is pure gold! Love seeing your reviews! Makes me smile :)**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Lots of fans call the curse mark a hickey… cause it is one, he bites the kid's neck and suddenly a big ass mark appears. XD**

 **silverwolf310: Yep! My beta and I took that into consideration when deciding who fights who in the fighting rounds. Also yes, Iruka's pride has been shattered now that he has been bested by a 12 year old with a palette knife lol!**

 **kagewolf25: Aww thanks luv :3**

 **Reaper: Thank you! I'm happy that these are enjoyable for you! :D**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time/flashback

 **Warning: Swears, violence, flying hearts, children getting traumatized, cheating, Anko… more Anko… honestly Anko is a warning in itself. The moment you see her just expect the worst. Also minor sex jokes.**

 **Disclaimer: Honestly, if I did own Naruto the Boruto Arc wouldn't exist. Sad story but it's true… or at the very least the names would be more creative.**

* * *

 **3rd person POV**

Team 7 entered the exam building only to find many genin teams argueing with two boys saying that the exam was too tough. Two of the teams were Team Gai and Team Anko, only Kimimaro and Neji were just calmly chatting between the two of them.

Sasuke calmly looked at the sign, muttering to his teammates, "This is the second floor. There's a genjutsu."

"Huh?" Naruto responds dumbly before looking up at the sign that says 3 on it. "I'll take your word for it then teme, I suck at genjutsu."

The Uchiha facepalms, of course Naruto's weakness is genjutsu, he's got the brains for it. "Just collect your brother dobe. We'll be late if we stick around with these losers." The Uchiha walks, their female teammate trails behind him.

All Naruto had to do was wave at Kimimaro for him to grab Neji by his collar and drag the Hyuuga away, forcing the other three genin and one annoying penguin to follow.

Lee tried to fight Sasuke to prove himself, but sadly, the Uchiha was more fascinated with a random painting then the bushy browed boy.

"I'll fight you, dattebayo!" Naruto instantly jumped the gun on a fight, grinning mischievously.

"No thanks, I only wish to fight the Uchiha." Lee politely declines before looking at Sakura, almost instantly the boy's cheeks turned a bright pink. "Beautiful."

Sakura's eyebrow twitches, 'Be nice… he works out with Deidara-sensei.' Even with this, she could feel herself inch to hide behind the other boys. A gut feeling telling her that it's safer behind Kimimaro and Naruto than being out in the open. "U...um… Thanks?"

"Please go out with me! I swear I will protect you with my life!" Lee then blows a kiss and a frickin heart skillfully flies over the brothers and chases Sakura. The chirithy on her head sweatdrops trying to cling to its human.

"GAH! This is not normal!" Sakura runs out of spots when Lee proceeds to spam out hearts, but they are all quickly cut in half when Sasuke slices them with a kunai.

"She is not interested. Instead of proclaiming your love, court her then try again." Sasuke calmly puts the kunai away then checks Sakura for injuries, as the pinkette had ran into some pillars a few times.

"I'm fine Sasuke-kun, thanks for the help though." Sakura gives him a relieved smile as the Uchiha stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"Hn, let's just go." Neji and Tenten had to drag Lee away, while Kimimaro walked off with Sakon. Ukon was there, but he had merged with his twin.

Team 7 heads towards to the door to the exams, only to be greeted by Kakashi.

Naruto tilts his head, almost hitting his fox in the process. "Why are you here Kakashi-sensei, dattebayo?"

The silver haired man rubs the back of his head in thought, "Well, I have to meet up with your brother soon. But I wanted to wish you three luck. You've grown into strong shinobi, I can tell you will all do well on the test." He gave them his famous eye crinkle smile before poofing away.

The team all share varying degrees of smiles before nodding to each other, opening the door only to be greeted by a shitton of tense, pissed off faces.

 **Deidara's POV**

At my apartment, I cautiously sit on my sofa after serving tea to the people I had invited over. In the room, Kakashi sat on my right, Anko on my left. Hiashi took to a cushion on the floor, while Haku and Zabuza sat on the loveseat and Gai leaned against the wall. I was going to invite Daiki, but I didn't want to risk the kid's safety as I not only had little faith in him keeping his mouth shut, but I also didn't want him to be targeted by the Akatsuki for information.

These were the people I trust with the truth, minus Haku and Zabuza I have known them all for almost five years now. They deserve this.

I take a deep breath, "Alright… I have some… something important to tell you guys, something that right now, only Kakashi knows, un."

Anko looks at me dead in the eyes, "I knew it."

"Eh?" Everyone turns to look at the only woman in the room.

"You're dating Kakashi aren't you?" Neither Kakashi, nor I had a chance to deny this before she leaped to her feet grinning like a dork. "I totally called it! I had a feeling ever since I saw you leave with him that day, and now you're here to tell us all about it! So, who tops who?" What the fuck Anko, I'm bloody 16!

Without thinking, Kakashi and I sprang away from each other, him landing on the opposite end of the room while I ended up landing on Haku and Zabuza. Gai falls for this and starts proclaiming that "Kakashi is too unyouthful for such a great youth to be dating!" while scolding Kakashi about ages. Hiashi, one of the few sane people in this room, facepalms and resumes his tea drinking. Thankfully, he understood that while I like men, I would never date Kakashi. Haku and Zabuza… Well, they're looking at Anko like she's an idiot.

"Anko, I'm not dating Kakashi, he's twice my age, that's gross, un." Kakashi felt no need to argue with me as he also agreed with that statement. There's also the teeny-tiny detail of HE LIKES GIRLS! At least, I think he does, with how often Obito is on his mind I'm unsure about him.

Anko waves her hand dismissively, "Ah, age is but a number, come on, you have a thing for him, admit it."

I feel more attraction to Sasori than I do Kakashi, and they're close in age, "No Anko, I don't and that's not why I brought you all here." Seriously, is she this desperate to pair me off with someone?

"But come on Dei-chan! You're single, at this rate you're gonna die a virgin!" Looks like it.

Also been there done that, "Anko…"

"I honestly don't see the problem with it." She folds her arms while looking smug.

"Please just-"

"Who else would you date then-" I interrupt her with a shout.

"I'M A YOUNG ADULT WOMAN THAT GOT REBORN AS A MAN AND YOU ALL ARE MANGA CHARACTERS, UN!" Now that's one way to shut everyone up, just rip off the bandage on that salty wound.

Anko falters, "What..?"

I climb off the two Kiri shinobi and fold my arms defensively, "You heard me… I died in another dimension where this world is a popular manga… one that was a big part of my childhood… and I was reborn as Deidara, un."

Hiashi looks at me suspiciously, "So you lied?"

I look at the Hyuuga head, "I never lied, I only said that I know of a future, you never asked the right questions, un." Hiashi pauses at this but nods in acknowledgement. I would have not told him the truth anyway, but at the very least I never had to lie to him.

Zabuza spoke from behind me, "Might as well start talking, we'll listen." The others in the room nod in agreement, well they are willing to listen...

I relax before returning to the sofa, Kakashi returns after Gai stopped berating him and Anko just watched me carefully.

"Here's the whole story…"

 _Back to the chunin exams_ ( **AN: This is a series of POV changes to see how everyone reacts to the test, this takes place once the majority of the smart genin realized that they had to cheat. Also, all of these POVs happened at once besides Naruto's. Also, the test is the exact same as the anime/manga.** )

 **Sasuke's POV**

'Heh, this was easy.' I had activated my sharingan to mimic the movements of the guy in front of me, and I hit the jackpot almost right away. Some of the questions were fairly easy like the decoding, but that was only because Deidara would make us work on them. I cannot even begin to imagine how much we would be struggling without the push. 'Weird… it's like he knew we would be tested on it...'

My thoughts were cut short when in the corner of my eye, the dobe began to panic, 'Seriously Naruto? You were raised by the biggest bookworm I have ever met, you are struggling now?' Flipping my paper over so no one could cheat on me besides a Hyuuga, I began sketching. My paper slowly became filled with abstract shapes and lines as some teams were being disqualified. The weasel around my neck just snoozed away.

Guess to become a chunin you either have to be resourceful, intelligent, or born lucky.

 **Sakon's POV**

"Brother… the answer to 8 is…" Ukon quietly informs me about answers using our kekkei genkai. We had merged before the jounins showed up, and they either figured out our technique and chose not to say anything, or Konoha shinobi are full of idiots.

What was truly amusing was that within seconds, the genin behind us got disqualified as Ukon's head sticking from my spine caused him to slip up. Oh well, we had the first eight filled out, that should be enough points. I could see Kimimaro was already finished too. I let out a soft chuckle, causing the two genin sitting on either side of us to look at me nervously, the one on my right was almost instantly disqualified.

And this is why you keep your head close to your paper kiddies.

 **Sakura's POV**

'That Ino-pig! She thinks she can inhabit my body and steal my answers? Oh, she is so going to get it later on shannaro!' I sit at my seat quietly fuming at what just happened moments ago. I could feel her already passing the information to her teammates, Shikamaru is a genius, why does he need her help?! Excuse me, MY help! My answers, so it was my help!

The… I think it's called a chirithy, gently pats my head to calm me down. It's so cute...

I fold my arms and glare at the wall ahead of me, I can see Naruto struggling with his test, 'Why does he have to struggle so much under pressure? If Deidara-sensei was the proctor he would be breezing through the answers.'

After staring at Ibiki for a few minutes a random thought appeared as my head tilted.

'Isn't he the one that screams like a girl every Halloween from Deidara-sensei's costumes…?'

 **Kimimaro's POV**

The test was too easy, I finished within minutes of the it starting and now I'm absentmindedly drawing a border around my test. I had laid my clay dragon on my lap and used that as inspiration; I am no artist despite Nii-sama and Sasuke-san's natural talents, I can only draw what I can see.

The test was completely pointless, I could see even Neji noticed how ridiculous the whole thing was. It was just a test on how well you could obtain information. I just let him copy my answers, it's better if more genin that we know are in the next rounds than ones we don't know.

What has been bothering me though, is the man Nii-sama had escorted to the registration building not only sat by me in complete silence, but he kept staring at me through his hair. The entire time I have sat next to him, he has shown no signs of stress or anxiety, even though the girl with red hair on the other side of me, ( **AN: *Snaps fingers* Eeeeeyyyyyyyy~** ) was borderline panicking as she could not figure out one of the math problems.

"You are rather talented boy." I jolt in my seat as the man finally spoke in a low hiss, like a snake whispering deadly secrets. I wanted to kill that whisper.

I chose to remain silent, I cannot risk my team being disqualified, not only would it let Anko-sensei down, but Nii-sama would be disappointed if we left because I decided to chat.

Otouto would be left alone too, I need to be there to protect him and his team.

The man let out a low chuckle before returning to his finished test, I definitely wanted to kill that voice.

 **Hinata's POV**

'I… I need to do well for Kiba and Shino… but what if I mess up-' I flinch as I feel a tap on my head. Ever since Deidara-san had trained me in my confidence, whenever I start to doubt myself I would feel a tap… but he's not here. I remember when I asked, he said I was experiencing "ghost pain", and while I don't understand how that works… it was a nice reminder to have faith in myself.

Naruto-kun was sitting next to me and he seemed panicked, I noticed he had the decoding questioned answered, but he couldn't figure out the math problems.

I want us to continue into the exams together, this is my chance to prove not only myself, but to Naruto-kun that I am not some meek little girl anymore. And… it's not cheating if I give him my answers willingly… right…?

Taking a gulp of air, I let out a soft, "Naruto-kun…?"

 **Naruto's POV**

'GAH! What do I do?! I don't know any of this! I'm going to fail and be stuck as genin, and teme and Sakura-chan will be so mad at me! The clock's ticking won't stop either, man am I scre-'

"Naruto-kun…?"

'Huh?' A soft voice next to me snaps me out of my thoughts, looking to my right, Hinata was sitting next to me, 'Hinata…? Wow, I was so overwhelmed with stress that I forgot she was there… I feel like an ass just thinking about that.'

I quietly return a whisper, "Yeah?" Instead of responding, she secretly snuck her test under her arm for me to see… Ohhhhhhh… She wants me to cheat… wait.

"Why are you doing this Hinata…?" I mean, I trust her but she is risking both of us getting disqualified.

She pushes her fingers together in a nervous way, "Well… I just… thought it would be nice if we all passed together…"

I tilt my head in thought, that's really cool of her! But before I could take a peek a kunai whizzed past my head and the guy behind us got disqualified. I gulped nervously, "I'll be okay Hinata, dattebayo! I'll make sure to pass!" Hinata looks at me with wide eyes, before her cheeks turned pink and looked away nodding.

She's gotten to be a pretty cool girl, but her habits are still a little odd.

 _Back to the adults… and Haku_

 **Deidara's POV**

"And that's how I knew where to find Kimimaro and the twins, un." I nervously began to fidget in my seat as everyone stared at me, their expressions ranged from blank -Haku, Kakashi and Hiashi- to complete and utter WTF -everyone else-. Kakashi was the only one in the room that knew ahead of time, and while I left out a bunch of information, I said enough about my past life in detail for them to believe me. I had even pulled out the Notebook of Doom to show them my sketches of people and translated some details that were considered S rank secrets.

Finally, Anko broke the tension, "So that's why you like men!" I felt my hand greet my face while hearing the sound of other's hands do the same thing. Leave it to my dear friend Anko to know her priorities.

Zabuza, who had also facepalmed, looked over at her with a disgruntled expression, "The kid not only confirmed that reincarnation is an actual thing, but that in his past life we are all fictional characters that he watched to the point of borderline obsession..." I was not obses-... yeah no, middle school me was a complete nerd. "… and you're focused on his sexuality?"

Anko shrugs and proceeds to smother me, guess where she decided to force my head to be? "So? Dei-chan is still Dei-chan, knowing that inside this body is a little girl only makes him cuter." Jesus Christ this woman really is insane. Also, I can't breath.

I yank myself away from Anko's death trap, "HEY! I was nineteen when I died! I was not a 'little girl' un!" I hate being called a kid, dammit I am mature for my age, treat me as such!

Hiashi, having enough of this, finally speaks up, "What will you have us do now Deidara? Now that we know the truth about you."

I pause, to be completely honest, I didn't think that through. The guilt of keeping this secret from them was eating me to the point where it was almost unhealthy, so I had to spill at some point. Slumping against the couch I stare at a random book on a shelf in thought.

"Not sure… but… I want you guys to trust me on decisions I choose to make." I feel several of them tense up. "If something goes wrong, then it's my fault, but at the same time certain things cannot be changed with a simple 'Hey! I'm here with knowledge from the future, so listen to me!' Because not only does that sometimes have an opposite effect… but it puts myself and my brothers at risk. While I originally had this grandeur idea of changing the future, I need to do baby steps. Especially now that I killed Danzo, I don't need more people targeting me, un." How Orochimaru has failed to learn the truth about me is beyond my comprehension.

I see Gai nod and give me a thumbs up, "Such youth and determination! We will do our best to help you out!" At least I have Gai on my side… yay?

Kakashi cuts in, "But if we feel the need to interfere, don't expect us to stop just because you say so."

I look over at the silver haired shinobi with a smile, "Wouldn't have it any other way... FUCK!" Everyone leaps at the sudden raise in tone, "The test is almost over! I gotta go, un!"

Running to my window I pull out a sculpture that I had made the night before, I become overly giddy and excited when I threw it outside and let it poof into its massive size. Hopping on the creatures back, I fly to the testing area ignoring the screams below me.

Time to scare some chibis!

 **3rd person POV**

All of the genin were still recovering from the shock of the test, when a loud THUD on the roof of the building caused everyone to look up.

"Um… Hinata, did you just hear that?" Naruto looks over at the Hyuuga girl, but was interrupted by Sakon.

"Are you kidding me? I FELT that!" The younger of the twins sprang to hit feet.

The hyuugas in the room activated their byakugan, their confused and terrified faces didn't help to their anxiety. Neither was all of the jounin instructors putting in earplugs.

Kiba also got to his feet, "What the hell-"

Suddenly a large, black reptilian head slams into the wall, breaking it down and roaring into the classroom. All of the younger genin screamed while the older genin, and Orochimaru, all suffered from mass collection of brain farts.

A sadistic laughter from the other side of the upside-down head was what stopped all of the screaming and mass hysteria.

"Oh my God… hahahahaha! Holy shit! I didn't think Drogon* would scare you guys so much, un!" That all too familiar verbal tick caused several more genin to stand up and exclaim all at once.

"DEIDARA/-NII/-SENSEI/-SAN/NII-SAMA!"

The blond bomber carefully climbs around the massive beast's head and leaps into the room still laughing his ass off. "I couldn't help myself! That was too funny, un!" with a single handsign the dragon poofs into a tiny miniature, but detailed, figure and he pockets it.

Ibiki removes his earplugs, "As funny as this was, and while you did warn us ahead of time. That's coming out of your neck A-rank paycheck."

Deidara waves at Ibiki dismissively, "Yeah yeah yeah, just be glad it was just the wall and not a window. Glass is expensive, un."

Ino, red faced and pissed, begins yelling, "What the hell was that for! You scared us all half to death!"

The older blond pouted, "Aw… only half…? Boo, un." The apathy in his voice made many genin uncomfortable.

A sudden clap caused the tenser genin to jolt. "Alright kiddies, and old people if you are older than me, my name is Deidara, I'll be your proctor for the second exam. Follow me please, un." He begins to walk, only to pause noticing no one has moved. Pulling out Drogon again, "Come on, I don't like being kept waiting, un!"

Quickly, several genins scramble after him, the redhead girl slammed into his back when he suddenly stopped.

The bomber snickers to himself, "Waiting...pffff…" Before continuing on walking, as if whatever he said was the best inside joke he's ever heard.

Out of the 24 shinobi following the blond, only about 8 of them were positive that Deidara was not insane… even the ones that know him were questioning this.

 _At the Forest of Death_

 **Deidara's POV**

After the whole scare fiasco, I met up with all of the genin + 1 snake pedo out at the front of the Forest of Death.

"Alright chibis! Listen up and listen good because I hate repeating myself! Everyone will go through a gate, enter this forest," I point at it behind me, "And have five days to get to the center tower, un."

Ino shrieks, "WHAT?! How are we supposed to do that?!"

I ignore her, and jab my thumb at a map, "The Forest of Death is huge, filled with animals and insects just waiting for human flesh… I predict at least… meh, a fourth of you will die, un." I think my casual shrug made some of the genin afraid. "This is a survival exercise, but also a hunt."

I pull out the heaven and earth scrolls and explain the basic rules for the exam, followed by explaining the waiver. ( **AN: I am Shikamaru level lazy. I ain't typing it all.** )

"Finally, I added a special rule to this. When you sign the waiver and get your scroll, you will also get one of these." I pull out a small clay bird. "I will be flying over the forest at all times. If you need me to show up, just throw the birds into the air, they will dodge all attacks and explode, un. However, you only have one. Which is why there are rules to this."

"Rules?" I hear several genin, including Naruto, repeat.

"Yes, rules. One: If you wish to give up, I will collect you and your teammates and bring you to safety. Two: I will always show up from the air on a clay bird, if you do not believe it is me, ask me to use my kekkei genkai and I shall blow something up." I pause, waiting for questions, when there was none, I continued. "Third: I will also come to provide aid if you are in a life or death situation with FOREST CREATURES ONLY! If you are attacked by another team I will ignore you, un. The exception is if you believe someone is not a genin and they attack you, un."

I'm looking at you Orochimaru.

Kankuro smirked, thinking he's gonna be a smart ass "And, if we use these birds so we could attack you?"

"Oh, I'll kill you and all of your cute little teammates, un!" I chirped quite happily. "Like this!" I create a clone and set a clay frog by it. "Katsu."

The frog dissolves, but nothing happened.

The only people that understood what was happening were the sensor types and Orochimaru. Another hand sign from me and the clone slowly dissolves into the air, while I keep a kindergarten teacher smile.

"That is how you will die if you try to attack me, un! Now sign the waiver and get into position." I dropped my happy smile with a sadistic glare as the genin teams collect the paper.

Because I am appearing professional, I ignore Naruto trying to play twenty questions with me, and just stared down any teams that dare to look at me. I may be a small blond, but minus Orochimaru, I can kick everyone's asses here.

Not that I would, there are too many sweethearts.

"Alright! Everyone ready, un!" Seeing the teams settle at their gates, I create a bird and fly off screaming out, "BEGIN!" The gates open and teams run into the forest.

* * *

 **Shorter than usual but meh, I liked it. Also you guys finally had a glimpse of Karin, happy? XD Next chapter will contain the entirety of the Forest of Death, I'm struggling with writing it so don't expect till Sunday.**

*Drogon: A bigass dragon from Game of Thrones. Look up it's season 7 size then imagine it popping it's head into a room roaring… yeah, Deidara is an evil little bastard. XD

 **As usual, reviews are loved and I will see you guys this weekend with the Forest of Death.**

 **Bye!**


	18. Forest

**Well I have proven my theory that every other chapter is a gonna be a pain in my butt, cause this chapter nearly gave me writers block on the first half. Had to rewrite three times then have my beta help me in order for it to flow. X-X But this chapter made me happy in the end, especially the Karin bit, wasn't sure how to handle it, but I made it work.**

 **HOLY CRAP WHEN DID WE HIT 200 FOLLOWERS?! Seriously! I leave you guys alone for just a few days and this happens! Thank you guys so so much! I love the support from you all!**

 **SPECIAL NOTICE: Sorry I forgot to put this in the original update. We have a cover art now! A lovely friend of mine from college took the time to draw me a picture for this fanfiction and she would really appreciate some feedback. If you would like, leave some feedback in your review, thanks! :D**

 **ArmCannos34: Yep Anko has her priorities XD**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: I wrote a little side story of Ibiki's report, this made me laugh too much not to. Thanks for the idea luv! :D**

 **Renavelia: He's going and there's no stopping him!**

 **VenaHope: Yep! That's what the weasel is for!**

 **Tawnypelt37: Yeah Anko is a little slow in understanding her friend's type of man XD Hope you like this chapter!**

 **Mackenzie Willow: Thanks senpai! :D Anko is a blast to write and that entrance scene was something I had worked on for a bit, plus it demonstrates just how big Dei's creations can get now.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Well Karin is in this chapter, but you'll learn pretty quickly that our opinions of her are very different lol. I'm glad that people can see something in her that I cannot though. ^-^ But don't expect much with Ino, she matures on her own pretty well in the anime, plus we have mature!Sakura to help with the push. Deidara doesn't need to be the one to always cause changes. :)**

 **silverwolf310: Ibiki is scared of Deidara XD thinks he's insane. And yeah, Anko is like Hidan, if she's in the warning then expect lots of random crap to come from her mouth.**

 **Reaper: To be completely honest, I have no idea. Orochimaru could easily kill him if he got close enough, but he can take on some Akatsuki members one on one (Like Kisame due to natures and Hidan… for obvious reasons). He won't rely heavily on C4 (In fact after this arc expect a drop in using it) and he is limited in his chakra because earth-style is very draining and his clay. So if Deidara catches someone off-guard? Then he can most likely overpower the opponent. But in a prolonged fight, Deidara is a sitting duck. There's also the fact that the self-insert in Dei's body tends to react on impulse, so mistakes are easily made. This was a really good question, I just can't put a measure on strength because Dei has spent most of his time making sure OTHERS were strong and not himself, just have fast enough reflexes and create powerful clay creatures. Hopefully this was a good enough answer. ^-^**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: I am 99.9% sure I have read that particular story before on multiple occasions. Also oh my god XD What is with you and always making me laugh?!**

 **Zeuseus: Here ya go!**

 **Shaxoom: I'm glad you liked this! I've noticed a lot of my readers come in with the whole "eehhhhhh… I dunno… maybe a few chapters" and then this happens XD love it when it does, I love catching people off guard.**

 **Grayson's gal: I never knew I wanted this fanfic until I spent 3 hours trying to find one that wasn't Sakura related. XD Not kidding, that was my inspiration, I just wanted a self-insert story on my favorite character.**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

" _Blah" -_ English

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

 **Warning: Language, violence, Orochimaru, disturbing imagery (That isn't Orochimaru), dead animals, minor insanity.**

 **Disclaimer: I actually had a nightmare that this fic got taken down because I forgot to add a disclaimer XD Either way I still do not own Naruto.**

* * *

 **3rd person POV**

Ibiki entered the Hokage's office with a splitting headache and some questions that need to be answered. In the office, Hiruzen is calmly drinking tea while his clones handle the paperwork.

"Hokage-sama, we need to talk about Deidara."

Hiruzen looks from his seat at Ibiki with a sigh, "What has he done this time?"

Ibiki straightens his back, "He's- 'this time' Hokage-sama…?" His shoulder's slump at the prospect of things going on regarding Deidara that he may have missed, before coughing and continuing, "He created a massive dragon, destroyed a wall to the testing room, and scared the piss out of several genins. I am certain without the heads up, many of the jounins would be in the same position."

Hiruzen slowly blinks and motions for Ibiki to continue nonchalantly, "And?"

'Is he serious?!' Ibiki throws his arms in the air, "Why does he have so much freedom?! Don't get me wrong Hokage-sama, I trust the kid with my life, Kami knows he's earned my trust with everything he has done in the past. But he's a kid that can use explosives!"

"It's Deidara." Hiruzen said that as plainly as someone telling an idiot that the sky was blue.

"Hokage-sama! This is serious! Why is Deidara allowed to do the things he can do like leaving the village willy nilly?"

"It's Deidara." Hiruzen repeats himself.

"Having access to S-class information despite not being an ANBU and also being born in another village?"

"Because it's Deidara."

"Is there anything he can't do?"

Hiruzen nodded, "Yes, but he just has a lot of freedom because of things we have discussed in private, nothing he plans on doing will involve harming the village."

Incomes a random ANBU, "Hokage-sama, Deidara is dropping explosives into the Forest of Death on the wildlife."

Ibiki gives Hiruzen a questioning look, "Do you have a reason for this?" Ibiki physically winces when Hiruzen took a long drink of his tea, slowly set it down and cleared his throat. The scarred man instantly regretted the poorly worded question.

"It's Deidara."

 **Deidara's POV**

Within less than ten minutes birds were already going off into the air. I had to create clones and make them go collect any teams that gave up or need immediate medical attention. I can confirm that Hinata's team passed thanks to Shino using leeches… ugh. Poor group lost a teammate due to blood loss.

Shivering at the disturbing imagery, it takes me a few minutes to locate Team 7. Team Anko decided that they were just going to go ham on anything that moved and collect scrolls… well, Ukon and Sakon decided this, Kimimaro is just there as backup.

The chunin exams was and still is, my favorite arc of the original series. So many amazing characters made their debut and the animation was… ahem, almost always beautiful. I'm looking at you Sasuke, you had some weird faces.

By the time I was able to zoom my scope onto Naruto's team, Orochimaru was already fighting Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto was most likely dealing with the giant snake, but damn, Sakura is a beast!

 _Just before the fight_

 **3rd person POV**

Team 7 regrouped after chasing away the Amegakure shinobi, and are now in a circle, unaware of the bamboo sticking out of the ground nearby.

"We need to make a password so we know if one of us are being impersonated or not." Sasuke begins to make up one in his head.

Sakura looks at him confused, 'Why not just speak in Deidara's other tongue…?' Before she could say edgewise, Sasuke speaks up.

"We will ask each other, 'When does a shinobi strike'" Sasuke proceeds to recite the poem. ( **AN: If you guys think I'm willing to type that poem 3 times, nu uh.** )

Naruto and Sakura look at each other blankly, Sakura memorized it easily, but it flew over Naruto's head like Lee's heart.

"Sasuke-kun… How about instead we-" Before Sakura could finish her sentence, a powerful gust of wind sends everyone flying. Sasuke and Sakura easily hide in bushes while Naruto… became a snake's temporary lunch.

Some things never change.

Sasuke climbs out of the bush and looks around, "Sakura? Naruto?" Sakura slowly comes out of her hiding spot and approaches him "Hang on. The password."

Sakura nods, "Right… a shin-… oh, come on Sasuke-kun, that poem is more lame than that time Deidara-sensei spent an hour trying to shove you into a duck costume on Halloween." She folds her arms with a deadpanned expression as what she said processes into Sasuke's mind.

She lets out a giggle when Sasuke's face turns tomato red and he looks away grumbling, "You're the real Sakura alright."

"Hey guys! What the hell was with that wind, dattebayo?!" 'Naruto' runs back to his teammates, fox on his shoulder and all, only for Sasuke to whip out another kunai. "Oh… right, the password."

He then recites the poem word for word.

At first, Sasuke and Sakura relaxed for a moment, he got the password right. Then they remembered that despite his brothers trying, Naruto is still dumber than a sack of hammers.

So they decided to test a theory.

Sasuke spoke, "What is the name of the creature Deidara gave Sakura?" He jabs a thumb at the chirithy on Sakura's head, which somehow did not fall off this entire time.

'Naruto's' expression fell as he stared at the dream eater on the pinkett's head, "Uhhh teme, that's a cat- WOAH! What the hell?!" He skillfully dodges a kunai being thrown at him.

Within seconds Sakura and Sasuke get into a fighting position, sweat began to form on their palms as they stared at the imposter.

"For your information, it's a chirithy. A dream eater." The chirithy pats Sakura's head in approval. If it had fingers it would have gave 'Naruto' a rude hand gesture.

"You're just an imposter. I bet you don't even know what's in the real Naruto's locket." Sasuke smirks, only to pale when a long tongue slips out of the lips of the imposter.

"Aren't we the clever ones?" A cloud of smoke poofed into the air, as it clears there stood Orochimaru, the fox turning into a snake. "You didn't trust your teammate even with a password and used personal questions to weed out imposters. Quite intelligent."

"Thanks for the compliment, but you should have done your research before trying to impersonate the dobe." Sasuke backs away when looking at Orochimaru in the eye, gulping slightly feeling the killing intent.

Oro pulls out his scroll, catching the two's attention, "You'd love to get your hands on our earth scroll isn't that right?" Smirking, he proceeds to swallow the scroll whole, "By the end of this battle…" He licks the saliva off his chin, "One of us will have both scrolls… and the other will be dead."

It was like the Fuck This Shit train had taken a sudden stop into Nope Town as both genin sprang into action.

" _Sakura! Ground sink_!" Sasuke quickly jumps onto a tree, pulling out shuriken and throwing them with intention at Orochimaru.

" _Got it. Fire him!_ " Sakura charged forward rapidly using handsigns, slamming her hands onto the ground "Earth style: Antlion technique!" Using just enough chakra, causing Orochimaru to sink from the knee down into the earth.

'How clever, minimizing my movements, I didn't expect such a technique from a young gi-' Oro's thoughts were cut short when Sakura slams her fist into his face. Using a strength that reminded him of a young Tsunade, yanks his entire body out of the earth and sends him flying headfirst into some trees.

"NOW SASUKE-KUN!"

"Nice job with the landscape Sakura! Fire style: Fireball jutsu!" Sasuke leaps from the trees and sends a giant fireball in the direction of Oro, but before it could land the snakeman literally slithers out of the way, smirking.

"My my, isn't this entertaining. Please keep this up, my prey." The man lets out a throaty chuckle as summons a massive snake. "Or maybe I shall cut this short and kill you both?"

Both genin freeze at the sight of the large serpent, the same thought ran through their minds. 'How are we going to take that down?!'

Suddenly a flash of orange appeared, punching the snake's snout with inhuman strength.

"Sorry about that guys, I was too busy cleaning snake guts off of my family photo, dattebayo!" Naruto stood on a tree branch smiling like an idiot while dangling his necklace in a show-off way. The fox is growling on his shoulder, fur puffed out in aggression, staring at Oro who is mentally recovering from the minor surprise.

"I see… you killed my other summon. You're quite good." His tongue shoots out like a frickin cameleon and wraps itself around Naruto's torso and arms.

Naruto's eyes shine red as he struggled to get away, red chakra seeping out from his body. Orochimaru calmly swats the clay fox away and summons another snake to keep the blond's teammates busy.

"Let go of me you bastard, dattebayo!" Naruto kicked and flailed but he was suspended in the air.

Without a care Oro easily lifts up the boy's shirt, jacket and all to reveal Minato's seal, "How lucky, not only have I encountered one of the last sharingan users, but the Kyuubi host as well. You'll be quite the pain if I let you have that chakra." Oro weaves some handsigns before slamming his fingers against Naruto's stomach "Five pronged seal!"

Naruto gasps as overwhelming pain takes over his body, by the time Sakura and Sasuke took care of the snake, the blond was already unconscious.

Orochimaru carelessly throws Naruto to the side and Sakura is quick to catch him. Laying her teammate down the chirithy is quick to do first aid on Naruto; using medical supplies it carried in it's little pouch tied around its neck.

Sasuke stares at Naruto's unconscious body, his rival, his best friend, hurt because he was too slow to take down an enemy. He wanted to pull out his clay and forget this ever happened, to grab his teammates and flee the area, to throw the bird and have Deidara obliterate this monster- No.

He would do it himself.

"Kukukuku… It appears you have your sharingan activated, young Uchiha."

Sasuke didn't even realize how clear the world in front of him was until the man made that comment.

He crouches down, and leaps toward Orochimaru.

 _After the fight_ ( **AN:The fight stayed the same as in the anime from that point on**.)

Sakura and Sasuke looked at the supposed dead body tied to the tree. "Is… he dead…?" Sakura's voice was a whisper, as if afraid the man would come back to life.

The laughter from the tree was all they needed to confirm the status of Orochimaru.

Orochimaru, without effort, breaks free of the wires and uses a paralyzation jutsu, "I see, you are a true Uchiha. You are definitely his brother, if anything your eyes are even keener than Itachi's… so full of delicious hatred and potential power… yes, you'll do nicely."

"Who the hell are you and what do you want, you bastard?!" Sasuke struggles with breaking free from the jutsu but he can't move. Sakura is immobile by Naruto, staring the whole scene in fear.

"My name is Orochimaru, and as for what I want, well… that's for a later visit." Weaving hand signs, the snakeman's neck elongates towards Sasuke, fangs poised to bite.

Only… he didn't bite Sasuke. No, his fangs collided with soft earthy clay, an angry squeak formed from Sasuke's neck and the clay weasel sprang to life. It leaped off its human's neck and exploded, causing damage to not only Orochimaru, but to Sasuke, who is sent flying backwards unconscious from the sudden pain.

Jutsu broken, Sakura pulls out the clay bird from her pouch 'Please show up…' and threw the sculpture into the air.

Before Orochimaru could even try for round 2, a series of exploding frogs fell from the sky as a large clay bird made a nosedive to the ground.

"Back off bitch, they're mine, un!" Deidara lands by Sakura and Naruto, picking them up and taking them to Sasuke. All the while shouting out "Katsu" over and over again, chasing the snakeman away.

Shaking with anger the bomber quickly tends to Sasuke's wounds using healing salves and other ointments, "He won't have scars, but these will hurt like a bitch until he gets to a healer, un."

Sakura drops to her knees, letting tears roll down her face from the sheer stress, "You knew…? That's why you gave him the weasel…?"

"... I knew this man wanted an Uchiha, and I know how he can control people… it was a precaution, un." Deidara gave Sakura a smile, "I'm proud of you Sakura. You did well in that fight."

At the praise Sakura threw herself onto the teen, sobbing loudly into his shoulder, babbling incoherent sentences about Naruto and Sasuke being hurt.

"Oh baby girl…" Deidara gently strokes the pinkett's hair, "Shhh… I'll help you learn medical ninjutsu after this is over okay, un?" He waits for the girl to nod before continuing, "Find someplace to hide. Set traps, preserve your chakra. Kimimaro's team will run into you, un."

Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and giving the boys loving looks, Deidara returns to his clay bird and takes off back into the sky.

 _Day 2_

Sakura was exhausted.

She tried to stay up the whole night to watch over the boys. However after being nudge to the ground by both her chirithy and the fox, she allowed sleep to take over her as the two creatures guard the trio.

She only got a few hours of sleep before she needed to check on the boys and apply the salve Deidara gave her for Sasuke. He would twitch and hiss in pain, but otherwise remaining motionless as he slept away the burns.

Naruto hasn't moved once since the fight, and what worried Sakura was that his wounds weren't healing. He wasn't beaten too badly though, most of the damage was from before the fight.

'Please wake up soon…' Sakura gets up to stretch before making sure her traps were okay. Satisfied she looks at her chirithy, "Can you find Kimimaro-san?" the dream eater nodded before leaping away.

A laugh from the other end of the clearing made the pinkett turn at her heel, kunai ready.

"Well well well, we were hoping to catch you asleep, but I guess this will do." The three Oto shinobi leap from their hiding spot and stood before her.

Sakura got into a defensive stance, "I suggest you bug off."

Kin didn't seem to appreciate the attitude, "Oh? Little miss high and mighty got an attitude even though she looks like she's gonna pass out? Please."

Dosu tilts his head slightly, "We only want Sasuke. Wake him up and we'll let you and the blond live."

Sakura scoffs, "This is for Orochimaru, isn't it?" No answer, but their tense shoulders said otherwise, "Then no way in hell. Earth style: Flying thrown stone!" ( **AN:These jutsus have weird names.** ) Sakura slams her hands onto the ground, large boulders are sent in the direction of the Oto shinobi.

"How the hell does this bitch know elemental jutsu already?!" Zaku tries dodging, but every time he stopped, another rock would be aimed at his head.

"I had a good teacher!" Sakura smirks but loses sight of Dosu, who appears by her, she has to leap away before the sound from his arm could damage her ears. But even then, the sound left her disoriented, enough for Kin to think she could grab her hair.

Big mistake.

The moment Kin tried to grab a bundle of Sakura's hair, something sharp stabbed her hand. Looking at her palm yelping in pain, several small pink needles sticking inside her hand. "What the hell?!"

"Deidara-sensei said that I need to make my hair not be a target, so…" She loosely shakes her head, audible clinking could be heard from the top of her head. Connected to her headband with fine wire, were pink senbons so thin and so tiny, that they matched Sakura's naturally glossy hair. "I gave myself some protection, took me hours to painstakingly attach each wire to my headband."

Kin froze on the spot, not even thinking something like that was possible, "How do they not poke your eyes?!"

Sakura shrugs, "My hair is thick enough and tied back?"

While the girls were distracted, Dosu was heading towards the boys, the little clay fox was growling, smoke protruding from its ears as it was prepared to do its job.

"Heh… runt." Dosu prepares a soundwaves when he feels a shift behind him.

"Take one more step towards my otouto… and I will give you a slow death."

Dosu stiffens as he looks over his shoulder, he is met with acid green eyes promising an agonizing death.

Kimimaro had made a break for the area as soon as Sakura's chirithy pointed in the direction of the team. Sakon kept close but knew better than to get involved, lest he be the one that got stabbed with a bone.

Needless to say he wasn't a happy camper finding not only his precious baby brother, but his teammates, all in danger.

Zaku tried to attack Kimimaro, but Sakon was quicker, punching the guy in the face while wiggling his finger in a "tsk tsk tsk" motion, "Bad idea buddy, trust me, you do not want to get in between Kimi and his brother… Like your friend is right now."

Dosu got the hint and quickly scrambled away from Kimimaro. Noticing that had he responded a second too late, the clay dragon on the Kaguya's shoulder would have ripped his head off.

With how noisy the area has been, a certain Uchiha woke up absolutely pissed. He's always a grumpy person in the morning.

Sasuke tilts his head, wincing at the pain his jawline and neck were producing. Activating his sharingan in annoyance after seeing Zaku turning his attention to Sakura as Dosu kept Team Anko busy.

He slowly gets up from his spot, placing a hand on his neck, feeling the tender skin and thick layer of salve. 'That weasel was meant to…' He snaps his attention to Zaku after hearing Sakura cry out in pain, the asshole just punched her.

Without hesitation Sasuke charged at Zaku and knocked him to the ground, glaring heavily at the boy. "I wonder if I should be merciful to you or not. Will you apologize to her?"

Zaku snorts, "Ya think I'm some kind of pansy? No way! Not my fault she used up all her chakra."

"You asked for it then." Sasuke raises his leg and with a well timed kick, Zaku's arm snapped with a sickening crack.

The forest goes silent only for a moment before Zaku's screams fill the air.

The Uchiha glares at Kin, who quickly backs off from Sakura as she slowly tries to remove the needles from her hand. Dosu tried to keep fighting… but then Kimimaro turned into a human porcupine and was watching the bandaged boy with livid eyes.

Dosu could tell this was a losing battle for his team, and gently sets down their scroll as a peace offering. "We'll leave this with you." The Oto team quickly leave the area to save their own skin.

When Kimimaro was certain that the team left, he retracted his bones and kneeled by Naruto, pleased to find that he is still breathing.

Sakura spent the next half hour explaining to everyone what happened with Orochimaru, and why Sasuke is now an overcooked duck. Kimimaro held a recently awoken Naruto close to his chest, only allowed the clay fox near them.

Sasuke rubs his burnt neck gingerly, "Who knows what would have happened if that guy bit me…"

"I think Deidara-sensei knew, that's why he gave you that weasel."

'It's not just that…' Sasuke suffers from a flashback-no-jutsu about Deidara telling him to speak with his brother. He then looks at their scrolls, "We have both scrolls. We should head to the tower."

"We're going with you." Kimimaro quickly pulls Naruto to his feet. Sakon sighs, knowing that there is no arguing with Kimi, he's the leader.

Team 7 hesitate for a moment, but fearing another attack, agree with Kimimaro.

 **Deidara's POV**

After watching over the chibis all night I allowed my muscles to relax. Anko had gotten my attention during the night and she went to confront Orochimaru, but I had to keep an eye on the team.

When Kimimaro chased the Oto team away I let myself lay on my clay bird and sleep the day away. My clones can handle this.

 _Day 3_

I only had one bird be shot into the air today, which was surprising. I guess teams either want to save them up or used them on day one. Rather amusing when I had full grown adults giving up within a matter of hours, only for them to learn that not only am I a jounin at 16, but I have been training in that forest since I was 12.

Total. Ego. Killer.

I leap off my bird and look at the Amegakure team before me, it wasn't the one Gaara killed, or the guys in the yellow suits, but they did wear the air masks. I tilt my head expecting them to climb on the bird, or at least say something. They wanted to give up, right?

Based on the senbon embedded in my arm, I guess not.

"What is with you adults and not listening to me, un?" I groan in annoyance as my arm went limp, no the senbon was not poisoned, but it hit a pressure point. I easily dodge several more senbons aimed at me.

"We know how your jutsu works, you can't kill us," The leader I presume, laughs at me and his teammates joined in, "not with our air masks on."

… Ohhh! Wow, these guys are idiots. I pull out a C4, which adorably enough was a chibi Pein for shits and giggles.

"They don't teach you guys about cellular size in Amegakure, do they?" The team pauses as I let the chibi Pein dissolve into the air.

"Don't mock us!" One of the Ame shinobi begins weaving hand signs, only to hold his left arm screaming as I made his hand go byebye.

"I'm not mocking you, I'm informing you that my jutsu attacks at the cellular level. As long as you have microscopic openings in your body, like your eyes, ears and pores, C4 will get to you, un."

The team backs away, realizing their mistake, this is why I had them sign the waver.

Their bodies won't return home.

"I warned you all about what would happen if you attacked me, I said I will kill you and your teammates. So, I guess I told you so, un!" I happily smile and a single handsign, "Katsu~"

I picked up their scroll and left on my bird humming.

 _Day 4_

My clone waved me over to something that made my shoulders slump.

'Oh hell no.'

Zooming onto the scene with my scope, I watched Karin being bitten by her jackass teammates. The anime never specifies when this particular scene happened, but I guess it was today, and Sasuke is just a few minutes away.

As the two Kusa shinobi finish biting Karin and hand her the scroll, telling her to hide, I could feel apathy hit me like an ocean wave. Hitting me then pulling away as I try to push the bad thoughts away, only to smack my face again in an uncontrollable layer of not giving a fuck. Despite what others in my past life have told me, despite the things I have read, I hate Karin. I never watched the filler on her backstory that was shoehorned near the end of the anime, and I always got annoyed when she was on screen.

Granted, that was the original Karin from shippuden, and this is a Karin I can mold to be what I want her to become; a strong female woman who… doesn't fangirl over Sasuke. Frankly I think if I can break Sakura's fangirl habits, then I can squash Karin's, set it on fire, and throw it off a cliff.

This wasn't the Karin that just stands on the sidelines and beats up Suigetsu. In fact, I'm staring at a tiny girl who honestly looked like she did not want to be in this exam.

Breaking my monologuing about my least favorite female, something caught my attention about Karin that caused me to become more peeved with her teammates, than with her. They trusted her with the scroll, told her to hide, she is their healer and the only female.

But they took the damn bird with them.

Just as the anger began to sweep over me I notice Karin looking up directly at my bird, and then the bear attacked. I watched as Karin tripped while running away and her glasses went flying off her nose. I subconsciously put my hand on my nose in sympathy, I use to own glasses and this scene happened often in my past life.

I was about to break my own rules and head down there to get rid of the bear when Sasuke arrived and kick the bear's head, knocking it flat to the ground. I watched as Karin scrambles to put on her glasses and stare at Sasuke with utter adoration.

Oh boy, gotta work fast…

Sasuke says something to her before leaping away on the trees. Just as both of us began to relax the bear wakes up again, Sasuke didn't hit it as hard as I thought he did.

With a sigh, I calmly drop some C1's on the beasts and… well… bear guts everywhere.

"Sorry about that, un." I leap off my bird and land in front of the redheaded child, she stares at me for several seconds, before something sparked in her eyes. When she opened her mouth to speak I raise my hand, "If it's about my chakra, I have heard it's weird, un." Based on how fast she closed her mouth, it was about my chakra.

I turn my head to the direction Sasuke left, "You met Duck-kun, I see."

"...Duck-kun…?" Okay, Karin has a cute voice, in fact, her child self is rather adorable.

"Sorry, I mean Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke, he and several other genin in this exam were my students before they became genin, un." Karin nods in understanding, but I can tell she is confused as to why I am here, "Your teammates are jackasses, you know that? You're their healer and the one with the scroll yet they took the bird."

Her big eyes widen even farther than I thought possible, before lowering her head, "I… I'm an outsider in the village… my mother was the healer but she died and… now I'm…" She stares at her sleeved arms.

"Honey, do I look like I give a shit about you being an outsider?" I don't even give her time to answer my rhetorical question, "I'm a former missing nin from Iwagakure and now I'm a jounin, in charge of the chunin exams, with the Hokage wrapped around my finger. If you ask me, you should ditch Kusagakure and live in Konoha, un." She gives me a baffled expression as I fold my arms. People never seem prepared to hear my blunt responses, I don't sugar coat things, if I did I would own a bakery.

"B… But I can't! They took us in! My mother and I would have died without them!"

"And where is your mother then?" That shut her up, I soften my tone, "Let me see your arms..."

Karin hesitates, before slowly rolling up her sleeves, the moment the sleeves butched up under her armpits I yank both arms to me, earning a yelp as I examined each bite mark with disgust. I made sure to keep my palm mouths shut, not wanting to accidentally bite the delicate skin.

The scars are even uglier in person, the anime just makes them look flat, but here I can see and feel the rise and fall of the scars from various human jaws connecting with her arms to absorb her chakra. Young jaws, old jaws, a few had gaps due to the shape of the person's teeth, it was like Karin was a walking dental record for the people of Kusagakure.

It was disgusting and wrong.

"That decided that then." I release her arms and begin molding clay, "Move from that spot and I'm kicking your's and your teammate's asses so hard you'll still feel it back in Kusa, un." Karin wisely stood still, afraid of what's to come.

Finished with the sculpture, I gently begin to work on Karin's hair, pulling it back in a pale grey ribbon, I attached the sculpture to her ponytail.

It was a rosebud.

Once she realized it was attached to her head, she began to panic. I had to put my hand on her shoulder to calm her down, "It's okay Karin-chan, I am not going to activate it. It's an offer."

"An… offer?" She repeats back in confusion.

"The reason why my chakra seems weird to you connects to what I am going to tell you right now. When the chakra of a human snake begins to slither its way to your village, remove this flower from your hair and stab it; it will explode, I will sense it, and I will come get you, un." I kneel to her height and look at her in the eyes, "You can also use it if you just wish to leave Kusagakure, un."

Karin pauses before nodding, she gently touching the flower on her head, eyes lighting up at how real it felt.

I give her my charming big brother smile that for some reason kids just love, "You look cute with your hair up, un." Her face begins to match her hair as I jump onto my bird and fly off.

Not only will this give me a chance to mess with Orochimaru again, but… maybe it will help me see Karin in a better light.

Her team gave up that evening though, I had to keep myself from pushing one of the boys off the cliff when they tried to blame her. Though I did tell the kid to shut up and learn to be a better shinobi.

I think I have a new admirer, and it's a certain redhead… joy.

 _Day 5_

Once I was able to confirm that there were no more teams to collect, I head to the tower to stand with all of the jounin sensei, Anko couldn't make it so I became the moral support for her team.

I'm not complaining, I get to watch everyone fight.

I zoned out as Hiruzen and Hayate explain the chunin exams, how kids have to fight together to gauge strength and keep the peace and blah, blah, Hunger Game like reasons, blah.

What confused me and made me a little anxious was Kabuto staying, Team 7 and Team Anko both made it to the tower on day 4, not long after Sasuke saved Karin. So Kabuto never encountered the Ame team.

I eye Orochimaru, 'What are these assholes planning…?'

There's an extra four people now, so some matches will have to be different. Meaning I may enter these battles blind.

Hayate raises an arm to point at the screen as it jumbles names. Knowing my luck, it's going to be that Kami-awful battle between Sasuke and Yoroi, and without the curse hickey Sasuke will win without any issues and- Holy shit…

"The first match is…"

* * *

 **Aren't I a stinker? XD I could not resist letting that end on a cliffhanger!**

 **So much crazy shit happened in this chapter, but I managed to make sure to include Karin. So yes, I hate Karin. However like with Sasuke, I will be having Deidara mold her into a more likeable character, starting with getting her out of Kusagakure. Dei has a soft spot for children and with how poorly she's been treated thus far, and since this isn't shippuden Karin, Deidara is willing to give her a chance. I understand that people like her… but I'm not one of those, please respect my opinions as I have tried my hardest to respected all of yours who have been requesting her.**

 **Also we now had a taste of the new and improved Sakura, I'd like to think she's more useful now while also still being allowed to express herself. ^-^**

 **Next chapter is the first rounds of the chunin exams! The fights have already been determined along with how they will go and what the end results are, I just have to turn them into actual fights. Depending on the length I may split it into two chapters, but that's based on how I manage to write the fight scenes, the Oro fight was kind of my practice. Some fights will remain the same as their anime counterparts (Depends on how important/how much I loved the battles.) and if they are, I will only add some of Dei's commentary… you guys can just watch the battles, they're all over Youtube and I'm lazy. XD**

 **As usual, reviews are loved and I'll see you guys… whenever I get the chapter done, I haven't even started yet, better get to work I guess! :D**

 **Bye!**


	19. Preliminaries

**This chapter was fun to write, I'm not the best at fight scenes, but I hope this was okay for you guys!**

 **Thank you so much for the fave, follows and reviews! They're fun to see and read!**

 **bookdragonslayer: Yeah it's pretty adorable, Deidara is gonna be annoyed though. XD**

 **Tawnypelt37: She appreciates the feedback, thank you so much!**

 **Guest: Thank you so much for all of the reviews hun, I'm glad you are enjoying the story. To answer your question on why I did not have the fox explode was simply because… I didn't want to really, I don't have much of a reason. Deidara only made the fox and chirithy to lessen the suspicion of Sasuke getting his weasel. Konan will get more screentime most likely during shippuden most likely, it's hard juggling so many characters. Also I really do not need that image in my head. - ugh… ew...**

 **ArmCannos34: Expect that phrase to appear often! XD**

 **robatahir03: I'm glad you're enjoying it! Also, here you go! :D**

 **JimmyHall24: I have no idea what this reference is related to, I'm guessing Hellsing? But I never watched that anime, sorry!**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Thank you so much for understanding my views on Karin, yeah fanfictions tend to make most characters that are unlikeable, likeable. I'm happy that you like my inclusion of her though, she won't appear next chapter, but the chapter after that. Also yeah, Dei has a lot of questions he has to answer after the chunin exams.**

 **silverwolf310: There is absolutely no issues with the twins… at least in these fights, you'll see. Crow!Itachi will be showing up soon! XD**

 **Mackenzie Willow: I warned you. XP Kimi is a human porcupine, and he likes to hug too! (Not really but OUCH that would hurt lol)**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: Sweet jesus I love it. XD Hiruzen needs to have a special EVERYTHING for Deidara at this rate. I have never watched Boruto (and I never plan on doing that either) but I heard Karin is a bit less fangirly, and the reason why Boruto is a brat is because Naruto spends most of his time at work. He feels left out… Still don't like the kid.**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: This is my art! And art is an explosion! Lol thanks for the Gai impersonation, made me smile. I'm glad your sister is enjoying the story! :D**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

*- Explanation on bottom

 **Warning: Violence, death, disturbing imagery, swearing, panic attacks, insanity, anger issues. The usual.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, is it really necessary for me to have this be in here 19 chapters in?**

* * *

You know, the Universe can be an ungrateful ass sometimes. You save some lives from horrific fights that lead to their deaths, only for the Universe to go "HA! You think you stopped a fight? Pfffff here ya go!"

"The first match is... Sakon vs Kankuro!"

Needless to say I busted out in uncontrollable laughter.

Everyone that wasn't Kakashi, Gai, Hiruzen or one of my chibis just stared at me like I've gone insane… with the exception of Orochimaru, who looked intrigued by my reaction. I was laughing so hard I had to lean against Kakashi so I wouldn't collapse.

'Holy shit! I've tried so hard to keep Ukon and Sakon from fighting against Kankuro, and now one of the twins is fighting him!' I finally stopped my laughter. Wiping away my tears I look over to the twins, while everyone was distracted they had separated. No one seemed to notice this.

Hayate coughs, "Would the two participants remain down here, the rest go up the stairs?" He points at the two sets of stairs with another cough. We all head to the same areas as in the anime, I planted myself between my brothers, soothingly running my fingers through their hair as the tension was high enough.

"Give up now if you're not willing to die, kid." Kankuro smirked as he sized up Sakon, obviously thinking he's tough shit.

Sakon… decided to take a different approach, "Nice make-up. Did the monkey that put it on your face have a seizure halfway through?"

I am now tasting blood from biting my fist to hold in my laughter.

Kankuro immediately gets defensive, "It's war paint!" Kankuro tries to attach chakra threads onto his opponent, but Sakon easily dodges.

"Oh! So that's what the losing sides wears! Thanks for the advice, I'll make sure my brother and I avoid it."

Ukon snorts from behind me, "Sakon, enough taunting and end the match."

"With pleasure brother." Sakon easily throws a well places punch on Kankuro's throat, except… he sounded more wooden than fleshy.

"Called it, un." Everyone looks at me oddly, only to focus on Kankuro when his face chipped away, revealing Crow.

Crow nearly grabs Sakon, but the boy dodges it and quickly makes a break towards the real Kankuro.

I may have told the twins on how to dodge puppets. Specifically multiarmed ones that liked hugs.

A sadistic grin forms on my face as Sakon lifts his leg to a beautiful 150 degree, before slamming it down on Kankuro's right forearm, the snap was audible before the screaming.

My chibis like to break things with overdramatic kicks, don't know why.

Hayate observes the match, seeing Crow fall to the ground limply, he coughs into his fist, "Sakon is the winner."

Temari quickly retrieves her brother and puppet as Sakon returns to us, high-fiving Ukon smirking. I would say I'm surprised that he won, but Sakon trains with Neji and Kimimaro, Kankuro only had one puppet, losing is not possible.

My attention focused on the screen as names jumble again, I wonder how this one will go.

"Ukon vs Uchiha Sasuke."

… So much for a dramatic battle. I hear Ukon groan and Sakon facepalming. Every one of us knew how this was gonna go, though thanks to my sensing abilities I can feel Orochimaru's excitement.

… It's Orochimaru, take that into any context you want.

Sasuke and Ukon stand in front of each other on the battlefield. I rest my arms on the metal guard rails, prepared to take a nap if I have to.

"Begin."

No one moved, instead, Sasuke spoke, "On a scale of one to ten, how likely can you beat me?"

"Without Sakon? Zero."

"Hn…" Sasuke folds his arms, "So do you really want to fight me?" There was a quick pause as Ukon began weighing his options.

Ukon shakes his head, "Nope, I'm gonna help my brother for the second round, I give up!" With that, the older twin walked up the wall and back to his brother.

I hear a collection of facepalms, but I was focused on Orochimaru, snapping pictures from my scope.

He looked like a kid whose parents gave them a cellphone box for Christmas, only to open it and it's full of underwear. Pure disappointment. 'That's a keeper!'

Sasuke returns to us and messes with his clay, he didn't seem to care about people looking at him with disappointment. All he cared about right now was that his sculpture had an air bubble. I quickly learned towards him to fix the bubble without ruining the overall shape.

I looked at Naruto, he didn't seem to mind, as it meant he got to fight sooner. In fact when I motioned my head towards Sasuke, he just shrugged.

"The next match, Yamanaka Ino vs Haruno Sakura." My head snaps towards the girls, they had left to use the restroom when Sasuke's fight started, both knowing that the fight would be uneventful.

I hear Ino's nail on chalkboard voice call out to Sakura, "Better give up now, Forehead!"

"Kick her ass, un." I nudge Sakura off to fight Ino, but not before removing her chirithy and turning it back into a lifeless mini sculpture, same with Naruto's fox and Kimi's dragon. They served their purpose in the forest and I doubt I'll need them again.

… Hopefully.

The two girls stood against each other, but instead of fighting, they just started talking. It's probably better this way, Sakura would flatten Ino in a heartbeat.

Ino gives Sakura a confident smirk, "Don't get so full of yourself, you're forehead can't take much more of your ego." I once again find myself slumped against the guardrail, this is why I refused to train Ino, she can't get rid of her inflated ego to save her life up until this fight.

Sakura sighs and places her hands on her hips, slowly shaking her bowed head in disappointment, "Ino… would you please stop taunting me with words? It'll only make me feel less bad when I win."

Ino growls and points at Sakura, "Just because you're teammates with Sasuke-kun, doesn't mean you have a better chance!"

Sakura deadpans, "I stopped chasing Sasuke-kun after I was beaten to a pulp for letting my crush get in the way of my training." As if to prove her point, she gently tucks her short hair behind her ear, mindful of the senbons.

Ino snorts, wow she really is a pig, "HA! Give me three good reasons why YOU of all people would give up on Sasuke-kun? You even cut your hair as well!"

Sakura lists of each reason on her finger, "Well, 1. I have a goal to become a medical kunoichi. 2. Sasuke-kun is just not worth it. And 3. Deidara-sensei won't let me date until I'm 16." Good girl.

"Deidara-sensei this , Deidara-sensei that. Why is he allowed to have his hair long then?" Ooooohhh I think Ino is going to cut her hair and it's gonna be all my fault. Yes!

"Because if a shinobi can fight with long hair and not have it be grabbed, then it is okay.

Ino, at your skill level… If I'm able to grab your ponytail, you'll lose." Sakura tilts her head to the side as Ino's face turns red with rage. "Face it Ino, you focused too much on your appearance, I've been training since before I was a genin."

The blonde pulls out a kunai, and without warning cuts off her hair. I could feel several of the guys tense up, even I subconsciously began touching my honey locks; I don't even wanna know what would I do if I cut my own hair. Though my hair does need a few inches cut off, it's getting too long and it's not even shippuden yet.

"See?! I DON'T NEED THIS TO BEAT YOU!" Ino dramatically throws her hair at Sakura. Oh dear, it's that part of the fight.

Just as Sakura tries to move to throw a kunai, the chakra in Ino's hair wraps around her ankles, leaving her immobile. Ino smirked and uses her mind transfer jutsu, she collapses and Sakura's face turns cocky and arrogant.

"Sorry Sakura, guess I win." Hearing Ino's tone but in Sakura's body was weird, I felt my back straighten as Kakashi gives Naruto the exposition-no-jutsu due to my brother being confused about the whole thing.

Ino has Sakura's arm slowly raise in the air, and my entire body turns cold.

"Sakura."

Sakura's body turns stiff the moment I spoke, in fact, everyone stopped moving. My voice was like dry ice being dragged across flesh and I could only imagine my expression based on how Temari, who was across the room, looked at me with a terrified expression.

"Wh… what the…? This body won't move!" Ino tries making Sakura's body shift, but it remained still, looking directly at me. Ino twists the face in terror as she looked at me.

"I have trained you for all these years, and if you cannot break such a pathetic excuse for a jutsu… consider yourself no longer my student." I held back the un, folding my arms as I glowered at the pinkette.

It was silent for a solid minute, Hayate slowly spoke, worried of what I may do, "Did you plan on giving u-" He was caught off when Sakura's body collapses to her knees, clutching her head.

"What… Sakura… how…?" Sakura's body flinches as an inner turmoil rolled through her, soon Ino's body regains consciousness and Sakura was in control of her body once again.

"Sorry Deidara-sensei! Won't happen again!" Sakura waves to me frantically before weaving hand signs. I feel my body warm up and my expression soften.

"That's my girl, un." I feel the room relax as my aura dropped.

Without warning, Sakura began using earth jutsu after earth jutsu. Ino was basically being juggled in the air, yelling in pain as Sakura mercilessly beat down her former friend.

Sakura only stopped when Ino was too weak to get back up.

Ino looked at Sakura wide eyed, "How… How are you so strong?"

Sakura kneels by Ino, and gently brushes some hair from the blonde's face, smiling softly, "I gave up on what ruined our friendship." She helps Ino back to the teams, Ino stared at her in deep thought.

Hopefully those two can become friends again.

Now it was time for the fourth match. Maybe it's because how the Japanese view the number four*, but I think someone is going to die in this round.

"Aburame Shino vs Misumi." I hear Naruto whine next to me, as he wanted to fight. I'm grateful he's not.

Shino stared at his opponent… Oh! The rubber man! That's his name?! Doesn't he die when fighting Kankuro, I blank out on that fight a lot.

Shino begins his warning, "Unless you wish to die… I suggest you give up now." Why does everyone have to either make threats or give out warnings?

Misumi scoffs and charges at Shino, apparently choosing to ignore the quiet kid. Once he was close enough to Shino, he wrapped his body around the boy in an attempt to choke him. I decided to pop in some commentary.

"Hey Misumi! You sure you're a Konoha shinobi? You seemed to have forgotten what the Aburame clan's jutsu is, un!"

That seemed to have triggered the next chain of events.

Within seconds hundreds of kikaichu crawl around the man as he flings himself off of Shino screaming. The insects quickly get to work in sucking up all of his chakra as more and more of them leave Shino to join in the feast.

I had to run to the restrooms to vomit, I sense Kimimaro standing behind me to hold my hair back. Kami, I can still hear the guy screaming. By the time I was done and had washed my mouth out with lots of minty mouthwash, Misumi laid dead on the ground and Shino declared the winner.

Knew the fourth round would kill someone!

I sit down, pressing my face against the bars exhausted as the screen went back to jumbling names. Oh, this fight should be interesting...

"Hyuuga Hinata vs Abumi Zaku."

Honestly, I'm glad she's not fighting Neji, there wouldn't be anything to gain from it. Neji and Hinata are practically siblings with how close they are now, I smiled slightly when he wished his cousin good luck.

"YOU CAN DO IT HINATA, DATTEBAYO!" We all winced when Naruto shouted at Hinata, I think she appreciates the support sweetie, but is the yelling necessary?

Hayate starts the match, but Zaku decides to be a little bitch… every match seems to have one.

"Don't expect me to go easy on you because you're a girl-" Oh hell no, he did not just try to make a sexist comment on MY cinnamon roll!

"Kick his ass please Hinata-chan, un." Zaku gives me an aggravated look and he has to quickly dodge Hinata using gentle fists.

Hinata activates her byakugan and quickly focuses on Zaku's arms. Sure, one was broken but that doesn't eliminate the risks that are currently present.

"What the hell is with these Konoha shinobi?!" Zaku finally got the chance to shoot air from the tube in his arm, but Hinata just focuses chakra into her feet and held her ground. "I thought you guys are genin, but everyone is freakishly strong!"

"They are genin you dumbass, but so far minus Aburame-kun, and Yamanaka-chan, these are MY genin, un." I allowed a satisfying smirk to plaster on my face as Zaku gives me a hardened glare. While distracted, Hinata gives two solid jabs to both of his arms.

Zaku didn't seem to think any of it, forcing his broken arm to aim at Hinata and prepared a wind. I decided to give one last comment to a boy who will be sacrificed to edo tensei.

"You lost the moment you allowed me to be a distraction, un." Zaku's arms blew off their sockets from the tubes being closed off due to the jabs and he collapses unconscious. ( **AN: Check out Zaku's fight against Shino in the manga, I am not kidding when I say his arms literally blew off.** )

As the medical shinobi take Zaku and his arms away, Naruto looks at me, "Wasn't that cheating dattebayo?"

I calmly shake my head, "A true shinobi can ignore distractions and focus on the task at hand. Hinata-chan focused on her opponent while Zaku was distracted by me, his lack of focus is what made him lose, un." Naruto thinks for a moment before nodding, understanding my reasoning. I decided to leave out the factor that in the world of shinobi… there really are no rules, so you can't cheat.

When Hinata returned to us she was immediately hugged by Naruto and Sakura, Neji stood by and gave her a proud smile.

"You did wonderful Hinata!"

"Yeah! We have to spar again Hinata, dattebayo!"

Hinata blushes and nods, "Thank you both… I had fun!" She beams a bright smile at her two friends before returning to her teammates, who also congratulated her.

I was so distracted by Hinata that I barely missed Hayate calling out the next names.

"Nara Shikamaru vs Tsuchi Kin!"

Well… guess something that to stay the same. I wonder how the fight will go… oh hey! She's still using her genjutsu! I wonder if-

BONK

… Yep… just like in the anime. As anticlimactic as before.

No special commentary to add, moving along, please hurry, the blond next to me has way too much energy.

"Temari vs Tenten."

"You can do it dood!"

I nearly break the guard rail in front of me from gripping it so hard, I forgot she still has that fucking penguin!

Nothing special about this fight either, Tenten got her ass handed to her by Temari and the Prinny stayed with us, not being much support. To be honest I was rooting for Temari anyway, I want her to be in the next round… hopefully fighting against Shikamaru.

Rock Lee collects Tenten and sets her down by the Prinny, who pats her shoulder in comfort, "There's always next year, don't lose hope dood."

I proceed to ignore them waiting to see who fights next.

"Yoroi vs Hyuuga Neji." I turn my attention to Neji, who has been quietly making comments with Kimimaro.

Kimi gives Neji a gentle smile and pats his shoulder in wishing him good luck. It was rather adorable actually, I can see the two of them getting together one day. I feel a smile form on my lips at the thought.

The moment the match began Neji started his dance, okay I know it's just his gentle fist style, but his moments were like a dancer. Each step was done meaningfully with nothing but grace, Yoroi just kept trying to grab him. It was like an orc trying to grab an elf, there was an obvious difference in dexterity. ( **AN:I've been playing a lot of D &D with my club. Had to make the reference.**)

I felt Kimi tense up next to me and my body did the same, we just noticed that Yoroi was trying to keep his distance, and is aiming for the Hyuuga's long hair. The same thought waved through both mine, my brother's and most likely Neji's heads.

'Don't touch the hair.'

Neji, seemingly offended that his beautiful locks were in danger of being grabbed, quickly aimed for the chakra point on Yoroi's heart and took several jabs. The man falls to the ground as his body spazzes in a cardiac arrest.

He died before the medics could get to him.

We both sigh and Kimi instantly begins checking his best friend over, despite Neji not getting a scratch the entire fight. I quickly snap a photo when I notice Neji's cheeks turning a faint pink from Kimi going all mother hen on him. They are just too cute together!

"The next match… Kinuta Dosu vs Akimichi Choji."

I then left the room to get a drink. By the time I came back, Dosu had won.

I nearly choke on my juice with how much energy was radiating from Naruto, Kiba and Lee. I snap my head at Hiruzen, 'Who's bright idea was it to make the three loudest and most hyper boys in the room wait almost an hour- holy shit it's only been an hour?!' This time I actually began choking, Kimimaro had to pat my back so I could breath.

I lock eyes with a clock from across the room, zooming in on the numbers from my scope, the fights have only lasted an hour and fifteen minutes. 'The anime really did stretch these fights out huh? Granted it was full of flashbacks and exposition…'

I jolt violently hearing Kiba and Naruto howling with excitement and Lee groaning in disappointment. Guess I know who is fighting who now.

"Prepare to get your ass kicked you loser!"

"Who are you calling a loser dog breath, dattebayo?!"

Ladies... ladies, you're both pretty, now go on with the fight.

While the two started beating the ever living shit out of each other like a couple of children fighting over the last cookie, my mind began to wonder. 'Kimimaro, Gaara, Lee and Kabuto… four people, two more matches. I don't like any of the combinations… The best case scenario is Lee fights Kimimaro and then Gaara kills Kabuto. That would save a bunch of headaches later on with the war. The worst case senari-'

Tooooooooooooot

I facepalm as Kiba begins yelling in disgust. Right, forgot Naruto technically wins by farting. I look over to see my brother beat down Kiba and is proclaimed the winner.

When Naruto returns to us I gently kiss his cheek, "You did well Naruto, un."

He gives me a cheeky grin rubbing his nose, "Well I'm gonna be Hokage one day! So this had to be easy dattebayo!" I'm just glad this was one thing that stayed the same.

"Sabaku No Gaara vs Rock Lee."

THAT I am not happy stayed the same!

Panic overflowed me as I met eyes with Kakashi and Gai, one look from me was all it took for the jounins to understand that something bad was going to happen. Before any of us could warn Lee, he was already fighting Gaara. I notice Sasuke actually started to pay attention to this fight.

My eye kept looking around at everyone, various expressions on each person's face. I had to keep my eye away from the match, stress overwhelmed my body to the point where I found myself bending the bars in front of me.

Lee dropped his weights… he punched Gaara in the face… he's using primary lotus… Gaara's bloodlust is growing and is on the offence.

'Stop the match… someone step in!' Neither Lee nor Gaara were under my responsibility. I had no plausible reason to stop this fight, not without making Gaara go ballistic.

I watch as Gaara's sand wrap itself around Lee's arm and leg, his hand clench into a fist and Lee screaming in pain. I lose my cool as Gaara go after Lee again.

"GAI!" This snapped the jounin from his shock and faster than I could blink, stopped the sand with a single swipe. Without hesitation I was by Lee's side checking his vitals as the medics come rushing out.

"Why… why would you protect a weakling like him…?" I wince at Gaara's confused but angry voice.

"Because… he is my precious student." Gai never broke eye contact with Gaara. Gai turn towards his student, only to see Lee trying to stand. Realizing that the boy was unconscious, standing with only the will to fight, he gently wraps his arms around Lee's frame and cries quietly.

The medics take Lee away and Gai returned to his team after watching Lee leave and I walk to Gaara, my mind replays the only time this body interacted with Gaara in the anime and manga… when Gaara was forced to die for the Akatsuki.

"Are you injured Gaara-kun…?" The boy stares at me like I've gone nuts, in fact most of the people here are doing that. I roll my eye, "Stop giving me that look, un."

"Why… are you even asking that? If this is a trick…"

"You'll kill me? Good luck with that honey, un." I ruffle his hair, that made Temari and Kankuro flip out, Gaara's sand completely ignored me!

Must be my brotherly and/or motherly aura, this seems to be a running trend, that or his mother controlling his sand understood I meant no harm*.

As I returned up the stairs, Kimimaro went down causing me to stop midstep. The last battle…

I turn my head to look at the nearly destroyed area, Kabuto was giving my brother a friendly smile that screamed bullshit. Kimimaro was simply pulling out his boneblade from his shoulders.

By the time I returned to my spot the two were attacking.

Kimimaro's body gracefully twisted and twirled as he attempted to swipe and jab at Kabuto. The older male used tactical movements and seemed to be waiting for an opening, but whenever there was an opening Kimi would just have a bone stick out to stop the attack.

Sneaking a glance at Orochimaru, I could tell he was pleased with what he was seeing.

So far, it looked like Kimimaro was going to win. I allowed my body to relax with a sigh as Kabuto slowly began to be pushed into a corner because he can't show his true strength.

And then Kimimaro coughed up blood.

It was as if a switch was flipped, Kimimaro's movements started to become sloppy as more and more blood escaped past his lips. Kabuto noticed this, and used this opening to land a few powerful blows to my brother.

My body began to shake watching someone dear to me become hurt, "... Stop the match, un…" People started looking at me, Kimimaro began pushing himself more. "STOP THE MATCH, UN!"

Hayate coughs, "The rules state-"

"Fuck the rules! Stop the match! NOW!" I find myself being held back by Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai and Gai as I struggled to throw off the four adults. "Kimimaro! Stop fighting!" I could feel my feet slowly drag the five of us towards the guard rail as I tried pulling myself away.

Kimi looks at me for a moment, before returning to Kabuto, "Forgive me," He coughs again, "Nii-sama is distressed. I must end this."

Without warning Kimimaro allowed multiple bones to stick out of his body, twirling around Kabuto cutting the man up while he tried blocking 15 bones at once. There was blood with each step Kimi took, but he didn't stop until Kabuto was flat on his back, arms out in surrender.

When Hayate announced Kimi the winner the other jounins released me from their hold, but I was like a coiled spring ready to leap into action. Kabuto slowly got up and gave Kimi a smile, reaching out to pat his shoulder in congrats. It didn't take much sensing skills to notice the faint glow of a chakra scalpel, but no one else seemed to notice.

The next thing anyone knows, I had Kabuto pinned to the wall on the opposite end of the room. One hand pinned his wrists above his head, the palm-mouth clamping down on his skin practically ripping away flesh, and my other arm pressing against his throat. I'm breathing heavily and the reflection of his glasses shows a face of pure rage, something I rarely have.

I don't even remember moving.

Every ounce of my body wanted to kill this smug asshole right here and now. I could feel Hiruzen signaling the jounins to stay put, which kept the genin at bay. Orochimaru was right above us, watching with interest.

"You finally show your true colors Deidara…" Kabuto's voice was as smug as ever, keeping his tone low so no one but me can hear.

'He knew… he knew I would act this way…' I felt sick realizing that I played into his hands. No way in heaven or hell would I keep giving him the satisfaction of knowing what makes me tick.

With a single breath, I relax everything but the hand holding his wrists. I watch with amusement as his face twists with confusion, as I allow a gentle smile and kind eyes to show. I gently remove my arm from his throat, and have the hand to brush his hair from his face, trail down his head and rest by his ear. I allow the hand to rest there for a moment, as if admiring the appendage.

Gently cupping his ear, I lean in close, giving off a breathless chuckle I whisper, "You don't seem to understand something, Kabuto… I may have lost my temper… but you miscalculated on how I do things…"

Kabuto's eyes widen at the feminine sounding tone in my voice, as my voice is usually deep and masculine. "I can't keep you or Orochimaru away from Naruto and Sasuke, but I can promise you this… if either of you lay a finger on Kimimaro, I will wipe your existences away like I did Danzo. Piece… by… piece, un."

The man tenses up, "So it was you that killed Danzo…"

"Indeed… Do be careful of your glasses, a mother's gift should always be treasured, un." With that I leave the baffled man.

Kabuto quickly regains his composure, pushing his glasses up, he turns towards everyone and waves with his iconic "I'm a genin too!" smile, "Sorry about that guys! We had a misunderstanding!" I can tell only half of the room bought that lie.

While he went to go heal himself I took Kimimaro away to the hospital before anyone could question me. Sending him to the emergency room, I summon his clay dragon, increasing the size to where it took up a large portion of the room.

"Kill anyone that is not a hospital staff or is a scent you know is non hostile, un." With it nodding at me, I go have ramen.

I don't even know who is fighting against who.

 _About an hour later_

After three bowls of aggressively eaten ramen Naruto locates me, the blond is being tailed by everyone's favorite pervy sage!

"Deidara-nii! I found a better teacher, one that's actually stronger than that closet pervert Ebisu! He's weak, dattebayo!" I then bonk Naruto on the head, "Owwwww Deidara-nii!"

"Mind your manners Naruto, Ebisu is still a jounin and deserves the respect that comes with it, un." I politely bow to Jiraiya, my heart clenching up as his death had a powerful impact on how I view anime as a whole. "It is a pleasure to meet you Jiraiya-sama."

Jiraiya gives me an approving smirk as he looked me up and down… watch it pal, I may respect you but I am physically male here. "You know who I am?"

I try to avoid growing a tic mark as I nod, "Of course, the great Toad Sage and author of one of my favorite books. May I have your autograph, un?" I pull out my book from my pouch. Naruto is watching the exchange with confusion, and with minor annoyance as he was being ignored.

Jiraiya closes his eyes as he accepts my book, pulling out his pen, "Of course! Anything for a fan of my famous Icha- oh…" He had opened his eyes mid-sentence to look at the worn cover of my _The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi_ , "You've… read this book?"

"At least once a year, I find it more beautifully written then your.., other books… and… well…" I give Naruto a sideways glance then look at the older man with a small smirk, "The main character holds some importance to me, un."

Jiraiya's eyes widen in understanding, his face quickly morphs, giving me a "we'll talk later" look before signing the book for me then turning to Naruto, "Come on kid, let's get training."

"Alright! About time, dattebayo!" Naruto quickly hugs me, "Bye Deidara-nii!" And then runs off, Jiraiya slowly trailing behind him.

I pay for my ramen and quickly finish up any tasks that was left unattended to for the past five days, like laundry.

 _The following night_

I sat on the roof of the hospital, right above Kimimaro's room when Ebisu appeared before me.

"I apologize Deidara-san, I was unable to train Naruto, but on the bright side he is being trained by-"

"The Legendary Sannin Jiraiya, trained by the third Hokage and was the sensei of the fourth Hokage, un." Ebisu gives me a peeved look, but sighs and pushes his glasses against his face to calm down.

"Yes, that is correct."

I nod, "It's fine, he needs to be trained by someone that can give him a push in the right direction. Is there any other reason why you are here, un?" I tilt my head in confusion when he hands me a scroll with the symbol for an S-rank mission.

"Hokage-sama believes you are the one who can finish this mission the fastest and cause the least amount of damage in the process."

I open the scroll and read its content, a smirk pulls on my mouth. Perfect, just what I wanted.

It was an assassination mission, no bodies required and everyone must be dead.

Giving my fellow jounin a nod before going into Kimi's room, I give my sleeping brother a kiss on his forehead and a promise to be back soon. I pack what I needed for this mission plus a little extra, and left konoha to prepare for the next steps in my plans.

I can only wish that luck is on my side.

* * *

 **Longer fight scenes were a bit more serious, while the shorter chapters… they were fun. Most of the fights that stayed the same I honestly had no reason to type them out, they're all over youtube and the internet for you guys to view. Just add some of Dei's commentary and you're golden! :D**

 ** **Also, I'm really really REALLY excited for the next chapter! I have been working on this chapter for weeks (Not kidding, I started it in the middle of October) now as more and more ideas pooled into my brain, and I just had fun with it! I literally do not care if anyone has an issue with that chapter, I love it to pieces and it makes me happy, so I am gonna keep it! Ooooooh I'm so excited! X3 (P.S. I actually broke my beta's mind with it) It's more cracky than my usual chapters, but that's what made it so much fun. I need to change some details so it flows with the story, so it will be posted on Saturday, I need to have a break on Thanksgiving anyway.****

 **My friend is still looking for feedback on the cover art for the fic, it would be greatly appreciated if you lovelies share your thoughts on it! :D**

*Japan has two words for four, and the word shi also means death if you change the kanji, so in Japan they associate the word for four with death. It's kinda the same reason why we Americans view 13 as an unlucky number.

*It was confirmed (I think) that Gaara's mother is the one that protects him with the sand even before the Shukaku extractions, I may be wrong on that but I'm having that be this fic's canon because I think it's adorable. :3

 **As per usual, reviews are loved, I hope you guys have a fabulous Thanksgiving if you celebrate it, and I will see you Saturday!**

 **Bye!**


	20. Dilemma

**Hope you guys had a lovely Thanksgiving! Yep I am posting early, I got finished with this last night and decided that I did not want to wait until Saturday to post this! Long story short about how I see this chapter: Despite the Itachi hot springs one being my favorite chapter... THIS BAD BOY is my Happy Chapter, I was happy with it throughout the whole thing and smiling as I typed. No other chapter has done that for me. So if anyone has a problem with this chapter... too bad it's canon to this plot and I am keeping it! X3 But you are all awesome, I doubt anyone will mind a little bit of crazy added into the plot.**

 **Thank you all so much for the fave, follows and reviews, I'm so grateful to have a supportive group of readers like you guys!**

 **Tawnypelt37: Wellllll I mean, Deidara likes men... specifically one man, and I am open minded to all forms of pairings... soooooooooo HELL YES! XD Fun story time: Last month not long after introducing Kimi to Neji in the story I had gotten a Naruto TCG tin (the discontinued ones), and when I opened a packet, I kid you not, I pulled a Shippuden Neji card and right behind him was a Kimimaro card. I saw that as a sign from the Universe that these two must be together lol!**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: I was actually going to have a chapter like that but I didn't know when to make it. Thanks for giving me a suggested timeframe! XD**

 **Mackenzie Willow: No hun, it's this chapter. XP Also ew, no, Deidara will not be biting any body parts off anytime soon.**

 **Notsae: Aw but then things would be easy and that's boring! :D**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Yeah the shorter fights were fun to write out. Kabuto was so lucky that there were witnesses present right there. XD But no, he isn't the assassination mission, just some random NPCs. Also I would hate to be that nurse, lucky for them the dragon doesn't bite doctors lol.**

 **tosca: I'm glad you're liking this story!**

 **Reaper: Well this is going to be one of the few times that I break my consistency with an early update. :3**

 **Sit Back and Live Life: O.O ... I am going into turtle mode. Too sweet of a review, stahp DX I don't deserve the praises! I'm just super grateful that you are enjoying my story hun, it's humbling that people are even reading what I made as a form of stress relief. Thank you so much for the kind words and I also wish you good health! Gaara is going to be loved to bits in this story, he's my third favorite character so I need to spoil the kid rotten with affection! X3**

 **Fem-Jesse-Mccree: Here you go! XD**

 **silverwolf310: Glad you liked those random little details, also my lips are sealed on who dies and lives for this story. :P**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

Blah - Passage of time

*- Explanation on bottom

 **Warning: Cracky humor...ish (I'm bad at crack humor), violence, swearing, jutsu gone wrong, sexy jutsu and over-protective birdie and little brothers!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, if I did we would have a timeline.**

* * *

I returned to Konoha the next day of my mission, with the chocobo and C4 the whole thing was a breeze. Besides, I didn't have time to idle around, time to complete week long missions. I had one month to prepare for hell.

In one month Orochimaru attacks Konoha with Sunagakure.

Naruto has met Jiraiya and is learning the summoning jutsu for toads and Sasuke is off learning chidori from Kakashi. Kimimaro is bedridden until the final rounds, as his health is getting worse. Sakura isn't expecting me for at least another week and everyone else is doing their own thing. Leaving me alone to do whatever I please.

And Hiruzen is allowing me to do as I please!

That's how I found myself in one of Orochimaru's old labs with a missing nin from my mission tied up on the ground. I learned that the snake had the intentions of returning one day for his old research, the entire place is riddled with seals. Anyone with the intent of destroying the lab have their chakra sealed while in the room.

Luckily for me, I am here in the name of… I guess this counts as science. It feels more like a geek out to be completely honest.

"Holy shit these datas are amazing…!" I'm practically drooling at all of the scientific evidence Orochimaru collected over years of experimentations. Granted, they were illegal and cruel but come on! These are brilliant! I'm going to spend the three years before shippuden pouring my mind with knowledge. You cannot keep a science nut away from collective data!

"You sick bastard! What do you plan on doing to me!?" Oh… Right, the missing nin. I look over at the man, I forgot his name but judging by his record in the bingo book, he was supposed to be dead.

Oh well, he won't be missed then. ( **AN: My beta will miss you.** ) Oh, it's been awhile voice!

I don't even respond, I just pull out two scrolls, one for later and the other one is a complex wave of symbols and kanjis, in the middle of it was a few locks of long hair.

Yep, I'm using that jutsu.

I quickly pop in some earplugs while humming a cheery tune, and sets the scroll down by my squirming sacrifice. I almost pitied him, but again, he was suppose to die on my mission. So I don't care. Death is too good for someone like him.

Weaving the required hand signs, symbols form under the shinobi and a circle of light glows. I couldn't hear, but I saw him scream as dust covers his body. Rest in peace dude, you are the only person to have not died via chocobo or C4 so far.

'Good, it worked just like how Kabuto showed Obito.' I take out the earplugs as the dust begins to fly away to reveal who I revived. "Hello Izu- FUCK, WRONG UCHIHA!"

Despite the missing nin being tied up, standing before me was an equally confused Uchiha Madara, young and the eternal mangekyo sharingan staring down at me.

He opens his mouth, "Who-"

I am suddenly more animated than normal, "Shit! Fucking Universe on a butterfly farting unicorn! What the fuck happened?! Why are you here?! Don't answer that, you'll just point at me, un. Stay right there please!" Madara must have decided to humor me, that or he was trying to figure out who I was, but he remained where he stood.

I bite my thumb nail as I re-examine my scroll, I was sure I had recreated Kabuto's edo tensei perfectly… granted the anime and manga just make everything look like squiggles.

I look up at the ceiling, "Hey Universe? I'd like a refund on my edo tensei. I ordered a medium Uchiha, with a side of duck hair and ponytail, hold the eyes. You gave me the deluxe combo, extra large hair and threw in some eternal mangekyou sharingan, un." Madara's eyebrows raise to a comical level as I plead to an empty space.

Why does this always happen to me? I just want my plans to be nice and simple. I went for Izuna because he was close to my age and is like an older Sasuke. Also considering I have a jar full of sharingans back home, I could give him his sight back. But noooo, the Universe decide to give me Madara. I don't need someone that OP guys!

Double checking my formula, "Hm...things seem to be in order… so how the hell did I get Madara's DNA? And how are you so young, un?" I quickly take one of Oro's microscopes and examine some leftover hair.

Well shit, some of it is black and some of it is blue… Izuna got buried with some of his brother's hair.

But why is he in his prime?! I must have wrote something wrong, I am no expert on jutsu and I'm surprised the damn thing even worked in the first place. "Why did I think this was a good idea…? Kami I am an idiot, un."

The more I stared at the scroll the more my perfectionist brain kept focusing on each and every small detail. This became an endless cycle of stress and panic as I slowly forget how to breath or blink. I was thrown out of my loop when a cautious hand slowly takes the scroll away and gently push my head up to look into a pair of sharingan. Oh… Madara's still here… I forgot.

I stare Madara blankly, mind momentarily numb, "Any ideas how you're not a crippling old man, un?"

He cocks his head to the side, "How do you know the state of which I died?" Back to his passive face, damn, and he's one of the more expressive Uchiha too.

… Too tell Madara the truth, or to not, that is the question at hand. Meh, he's gonna break the connection anyway, "Kaguya consumed the forbidden fruit from the great tree, creating chakra. She plans to use the Infinite Tsukuyomi to return chakra to the great tree and end the shinobi world. You may have also read that the Uchiha clan would be saved by the genjutsu too, un?"

I must have a very grabbable neck, or Uchihas just have a throat fetish. Madara hand grabbed me by the throat and lifted me off the ground, effectively cutting off my oxygen supply. The movements were so sudden my body couldn't even register enough to struggle.

The Uchiha glares at my limp form, "You are not of the Uchiha clan, how do you know what is on the stone tablet?" I would tell you but I can't breath! He must have heard my thoughts because he drops me to the ground in a harsh fashion.

My lungs greedily inhale oxygen but would quickly cough it out, this went on long enough for Madara to crouch down by me and stare with his sharingans. Like I could hurt the infamous Uchiha Madara.

"How could a mere child not only bring me back to my prime, but know so much information exclusive to my clan?" EXCUSE ME?!

Without thinking my fist slams into his face hard enough to knock the great Uchiha flat on his ass… Well, I have been wrong before.

I look at him, my hands slowly trail up to cover my mouth and nose with embarrassment, "Ooooooo, sorry Madara-sama, I didn't mean to pun- pfffffff…" I burst into laughter as Madara sat up with a disgruntled expression. That face! He looks so pouty!

I need to make Uchihas pout more often! This is golden and I didn't wear my scope today! I almost wanted to open my closed eye, but I don't think that would be a good idea.

Sadly, my laughter was cut short by a coughing fit. I can feel the bruises from the choking begin to form and I had to curl into a ball to make the pain stop. "Gahhhhh… I hate my liiiifffeeee…"

"I suggest if you wish to keep it, you answer my questions. How do you know about me." That was not a question, it was a demand… he still looks pouty though.

I sit up after a few moments and cross my legs, "Uchiha Madara, the most feared villain in the Naruto world and my…" I count on my fingers, "fifth… favorite… character, un? Wait, who's my fourth…?" Madara looks annoyed, "Okay, okay. Anyway, my name is Deidara, five years ago I was a girl from another universe that died and got reborn in this body! This world is my favorite manga and I decides 'gee, I want to fuck with this plot!' So here I am, un!" Wow it was easier to explain that to him, than to everyone else.

He folds his arms in thought, "Reincarnation with all of your memories…? Interesting… and this world is a… manga…?" He sounds old when he stated that. I forgot manga did not exist in his time… poor guy.

I pause and wait, Madara seem to also be waiting for something, he just didn't know what.

"What?"

I tackle him in a tight hug. For two reason, 1. I wanted an excuse to touch his hair and- HOLY FUCK IT'S SOFT AS HELL! And 2…

"Thank you thank you thank you! You are a fucking saint! You didn't ask for any proof and just went along with it, un! I could kiss you... but I won't!" I just press my cheek against his while sounding like a teapot. The Uchiha freezes on the spot, considering every time he got to close to kids they would cry, a teenager hugging him is probably a new concept. Get use to it old man, I'm a hugger and you have hair that's like petting a kitten!

"I am to assume people often ask to prove it? You already said enough." He awkwardly pats my back so I would remove myself from his person.

I quickly scramble off of him while nervously smiling, "They usually want me to tell them about the future, un."

He pauses, tilting his head, "But… you want to change it…" Even he could see how stupid it was.

'Thank you! Someone that gets it!' Maybe reviving Madara wasn't such a bad idea… 'wait… why hasn't he broken the connection yet…?'

"You are still connected to my edo tensei, un." I state as plainly as saying he has red eyes.

He nods, "Judging by the fact you seemed to have reanimated me by accident, breaking the jutsu before my… ally finishes his work could harm my plans. I am suppose to be dead." He gives me a pointed look, as if him coming back to life was my fault… I mean, it kinda is, I screwed up the edo tensei.

I nod dumbly, "So… um… if I were to say… summon you… would you be willing to…" I begin shrinking? "Help, un…?" It would be useful to have Madara on my side when in battle, as long as no one figures out that it's him that is. I'd rather keep the over-powered shinobi on my side than on the opposite side.

"Before I answer that, who were you originally going to reanimate?"

I gulp, "Izuna…?" He doesn't look too happy with that idea, "I have sharingans back at my apartment, so he would be able to see, un." His hair is floating with chakra. "Uh… I can explain… Everything…?"

He takes a breath and relaxes his chakra, "Very well, I will assist you in your battles, but only as a last resort and if you swear to not reanimate Izuna. You will explain everything to me later, otherwise I will break the edo tensei."

I nod frantically, knowing better than to call on an Uchiha's bluff, "Alright, I can agree to that…" I form a handsign and Madara's coffin pops up from the ground, "I need to check up on my brother's training, so um…" I pull out a talismen, "I need to stick this in the back of your head, un." I cautiously sink the kunai and talismen into his head, rejuvenating him to appear more alive while also having some better control over him. If push comes to shove I can get rid of his free will and personality with Orochimaru's talisman.

Madara stands up and dusts himself off, but doesn't enter the coffin. "I would prefer to see how Konoha has changed in these last decades." Rather than arguing with someone who could easily break my control of them, I let the coffin sink back to the ground.

Stubborn old man, "Fine, but we'll have to disguise you, un."

The Uchiha doesn't argue as I spam handsigns to change his clothes. Instead of his usual blue attire with red armor, he is now in a black outfit similar to what he was wearing, but it was more kimono like and didn't have the Uchiha fan on the back.

Now the problem was his hair and face, it was all too iconic even without any photographs of him existing. Right now he just looks like a porcupine Uchiha that just left a funeral.

Quickly pulling out some clay I get to work. Madara quietly observes my fingers expertly mold the clay into a small kitsune mask. A handsign later and the mask poofs into a size big enough to fit Madara's face.

"Impressive. You use clay as your jutsu?"

"No, explosions, un." I take a kunai and slice my thumb while Madara gave me a confused expression. Using my blood I draw on the mask to create an elaborate designs of lines to bring this mask to life.

"If anyone asks, you are my new summon, un." I place the mask on his face and it instantly morphs. Now when Madara moved, the nose flares like it's breathing. However, if Madara speaks the mouth stayed motionless, as if he was using telepathy.

And the plus side is that no one can see his eyes!

"I doubt this will work." Thanks Debbie Downer.

"It will, trust me, I'm good at bullshitting, un." I give him a smile before leaving the labs with the Uchiha in tow, slipping on a high collared hoodless jacket to hide the bruises forming from Madara's absolutely lovely grip.

"CAW!" I jump a foot in the air when a crow lands on my shoulder shouting. It took one look at Madara, then at my neck, then back at Madara puffing its feathers out, trying to look intimidating.

Oh… this is Itachi's crow.

I learned two things when talking with Itachi during the Tsukuyomi. One thing was that if the bird's sharingan was activated, Itachi had full physical control of the bird. When deactivated it moved on its own occur but Itachi could influence it and see through its eyes.

The second thing I learned was the puff ball trying to intimidate Madara was bonded to me. No idea why, but the feather duster is.

Within seconds the bird's sharingan activate and its feathers flatten down. "Itachi, this is Uchiha Madara-sama, Madara-sama, the one controlling the bird is Uchiha Itachi, un." I gently pet the bird's beak as it tenses up, "I messed up a jutsu Itachi- OW! FUCK! Itachi, quit it!" Itachi proceeds to have the crow peck at my head as if telling me I'm an idiot. I know this already!

"That actually hurts you know, don't peck my neck, un! Geez, first Obito and now Madara and you. Do you Uchiha have a throat fetish or someth- IIIIIINNNGGGG!" My entire body went rigid as he pecked at the sensitive spot on the back of my neck, basically telling me to be quiet.

Madara leans forward to my height to examine the crow, "I see. It has the sharingan..." The crow bobs its head in uncertainty, I can tell Itachi was getting worried about this situation.

Quickly recovering from the stun, I shrug the shoulder without the crow before starting to walk off, "It's something Itachi does with his summons. Let's go, I need to see my brother, un." Itachi deactivates the crows sharingan and the bird happily nuzzled my face, demanding attention.

Reaching the river where Naruto was being trained by Jiraiya, I witness something that utterly irritated me.

"Is your brother the one with white hair, or the naked girl hugging him?" No Madara, my brother is the frog on that rock. Of course it's the naked girl!

"NARUTO!" Within an instant Naruko transformed back into Naruto, pale and afraid as I storm over to him. My hair floating as my chakra seeped out like a broken faucet.

"I leave you alone with a sannin! A SANNIN! And you use your sexy jutsu?! You can't even make your female version of yourself sexy, un!" Jiraiya tries to diffuse my anger.

"Now now, no need to be mad, the kid was just helping me with my research-" He stops, his arms in a "Don't shoot" position as I twirl to point a finger at his face.

"RESEARCH?! For your PORN?! You don't even know what sex appeal is, un!" The crow on my shoulder flies off and settles on Madara's shoulder, obviously spooked by my anger.

Naruto jumps in, "But Deidara-nii! He won't focus on my training! He only pays attention when I use the sexy jutsu dattebayo!" Naruto sulks with his arms crossed.

"Is that so, un?" I let out a smirk as I weave hand signs. "Well then, guess I might as well take a shot at this, un. Transform." The area gets covered in clouds as I transform with a loud POOF.

Through the clouds I calmly stride to Jiraiya and wrap a slender arm around his neck, "Why waste your time with a schoolgirl…" My voice had a deep but feminine tone, similar to that of Jessica Rabbit, "When you can spend your time with a real woman~?"

The clouds vanish and Jiraiya almost instantly got a nosebleed seeing my sexy jutsu.

I became a woman wearing a loose black kimono with red spider lilies that touched the ground ever so slightly. My collarbone was exposed from the robe hanging off my shoulders, and open at the bottom just enough to let a smooth pale leg peek out teasingly. My obi was an elaborate bow behind my back*, also loosely tied around my midriff, just enough to give support. My golden hair was tied in a messy updo, allowing a few loose strands to frame my heart shaped face and my bangs covering my closed eye; a simple beaded hair ornament holds the updo together. The only other accessories was my necklace, turned into a choker, with the charm resting against the hollow of my throat emphasizing my long unblemished neck. My simple make-up consisted of smokey black eyeshadow giving my baby blue eye a sleepy, half-lidded look, with a thin layer of gloss on my plump soft pink lips.

My figure also changed, developing an voluptuous hourglass body, medium sized breasts shown off by my kimono and wide hips allowing every aspect that make a woman sexy, show.

I take a finger and place it under his chin so he looks directly at me, "Well…Jiraiya-sama?~" I allow each syllable roll off my tongue as I inch towards his ear, "Shall, we, play?~" blowing a gentle breeze into his ear was all it took to send the man rocket shipping backwards and land onto the ground.

That was easy.

I pull a folding fan from my kimono sleeve and used it to cover my smirk. Gracefully turning to look at the other guys, I had to let my laughter come out in a sultry chuckle at their reactions.

Naruto was straight up gawking, most likely trying to remind himself that he is staring at his BROTHER. Madara had placed a hand over his eyes, I couldn't see his expression because of his mask, so I wasn't sure about what he thought. And the crow…

Sharingans activated, beak hanging wide open. I think I broke Itachi… whoops.

However, after the shock left, Itachi gives me a blank expression. If he could talk I could almost hear him say "Colors clashing with my hair, my ass." Though I doubt he would actually say ass, but he would still most likely tease me constantly.

Jiraiya sprang back to his feet laughing pervertedly, "OOOHHH YEAH! Now that's what I call a lady!" He gives me two big thumbs up while nosebleeding profusely. "Now…" He pulls out his notebook, "How about showing me what's under those robes?"

The reactions were immediate.

Naruto began attacking Jiraiya with shadow clones while Madara was dragging me away to fix my kimono. The crow was trying to join in on attacking Jiraiya with its sharingans deactivated.

"Arms out." I obey Madaras commands as he began fixing up the robes, "Jutsu or not, a woman should not expose themselves like this before marriage." I gasp in air when he tightened the obi. I can undo the jutsu you know!

"Great advice grandpa- URK! Would you stop with the tugging I need to breeeeea- Shutting up, un." Is this an obi or a corset?! I quickly undo the jutsu before Madara could crush my organs. Smug bastard is probably smirking under his mask... He just chuckled… damn Uchihas.

I return to my brother, pulling him and the bird off of the sannin. "Behave you two, it's not like he touched my boobs or anything, un." I then had to pin Naruto down before he could beat up his godfather even more so.

"Jiraiya-sama, I suggest you start training my baby brother, un." Jiraiya, not wanting to deal with more attacks, summons a toad and has Naruto form the contract. I lean into his ear whispering, "You and I will need to talk later. For the record I am not related to Minato-san nor Kushina-san, un." Jiraiya tenses at the mention of his former student and his wife while I focus my attention to Naruto.

"Deidara-nii! Who's the guy with the big hair standing behind you dattebayo?!" Wow honey, it took you that long to notice him? Congrats, you noticed him before Jiraiya!

"Oh, this is Ma-" Madara gives me a glare behind his mask, "Sato… Masato-san! He is from a summoning tribe that I found a while back, I tested out my contract and he wanted to see the village, un."

Naruto folds his arms glaring, "Why is he a human?"

"Because his species can turn into people, they're kitsune, Masato-san is hiding his tail to avoid unwanted eyes, un." Even Jiraiya seemed to have fallen for the lie, it's not like he's seen every summon. Just look at what Pein can summon! "Naruto, I'll see you later. I need to check up on some things, un." I scoop up Itachi's crow and leave with my reanimated Uchiha in tow.

Madara looks over at me, "Is this a normal occurrence? Also Fox? Really?"

I shrug, "Hey! You try explaining to a child and one of the strongest shinobi in the world that you can reanimate the dead, un." I kiss the top of the crows head as it nuzzles under my chin then flies off, guess Itachi just wanted to make sure I was okay.

The Uchiha pauses in thought for a moment before returning to observe the peaceful village, changing the subject, "It hasn't changed much I see." I remembered that he always prefered the battle fields instead of settling down.

"Hashirama-sama and Tobirama-baka were quiet the leaders after you left. Same with Yondaime Hokage, but he died shortly, un." I could feel Madara's amusement at Tobirama's honorific. "I'll show you around. But afterwards you need to be unsummoned, un."

I give the Uchiha pretty much the whole tour while quietly explaining what has changed, ending it on top of the Hokage monument.

Madara looks down at all of the faces, "None of the Uchiha became Hokage I see."

Nodding slightly, "Tobirama-baka was effective in making Uchiha's climb for power nearly impossible. Itachi's father was considered, but my brother's father Minato became the Yondaime, un."

Madara tilts his head ever so slightly, "He is not your brother by blood?"

"That's right. He's an orphan I took in a long time ago, but he might as well be blood related, same with my other brother. I wouldn't trade either of them for the world, un."

"Even though you had to give up your old life?" He hit it right at home.

I lower my head, staring at my feet, "... Shut up." He wouldn't understand, I didn't have a choice in how I died, he did.

Madara raises an eyebrow, but understanding that he hit a nerve decides to change the subject, "Where is this other brother of yours?"

My shoulders tense up, "The hospital… he has a genetic disease and has to remain in bed until the finals of the chunin exams- wait where are you going, un?"

"To visit this other brother of yours. If I am to fight in your battles, it would be beneficial that I do not murder your… younger brothers." Madara seemed to suffer from a minor flashback-no-jutsu, I'm guessing reliving Izuna's death.

I take Madara to the hospital, explaining to the doctors that he is a summon for protection. I had to apologize to some nurses though, Kimi's dragon spooked them the first time they entered his room.

Slowly opening the door, pain fills my heart seeing my brother covered in IV's and tubes. According to his doctors he should be fine during the finals, but after that he will have to be back in bed. I see some flowers sitting in a vase by his bedside… pear blossom, dark pink rose, and lily of the valley? Based on the symbolism behind the flowers* Neji must have visited recently, and had Ino's help in picking them.

I reach Kimimaro in a few strides and gently brush his hair out of his face, I feel Madara keeping his distance, but I know he's watching.

"Nii-sama…?" Kimi slowly opens his eyes and looks at me… he looks so tired…

"Hey Kimi-baby… how are you feeling, un…?" Dumb question I know, but what else can I say to a boy that is hooked up to more needles than I'd like to count?!

Kimi instantly becomes serious, "I shall be strong enough to participate in the final rounds, I will make you proud Nii-sama, I… I…" He goes quiet when I kiss his forehead.

"No… I care too much for your health and well being, the moment you start coughing blood I want you to give up." He tries to protest, "Don't argue. I am your brother and I am trying to keep you alive. Do you want to die on Naruto and me, un?"

His eyes widen, "No! Of course not! But-"

"But nothing then."

He frowns but has to nod, unable to disobey me, but then he decides to notice Madara. Instantly on protect mode he glares at the Uchiha, "Who is the man in the mask, Nii-sama?"

I glance over my shoulder to Madara, "Masato, my summon."

Oh dear, I know that expression anywhere, "... Nii-sama, I know you like men, but-"

I quickly jump into this, "No no no no no Kimimaro! No, I'm not in a relationship with him! He is my summon that I made a contract with during my mission! Also he is way older than he looks, ew. I would never be in a relationship with an older man, un." I chose to leave out "Within reason" to avoid more panic.

Kimi relaxes ever so slightly but continues glaring at Madara, "Harm my Nii-sama and I will kill you." I facepalm, leave it to my baby brother to make death threats to Madara.

Though I was surprised when the Uchiha laughed, "I'll keep that in mind." I guess Madara has a soft spot for kids.

Kimi returns to looking at me, "I want to meet the man you plan dating in the future. I know you like guys and as your brother I want to make sure you are in a safe relationship."

I roll my eyes before kissing his forehead again, smiling softly, "Yes Kimi-baby… now go back to sleep, the doctors will check on you soon. I'll visit again, un." As if those were the magic words Kimimaro closes his eyes and falls back asleep. I quietly leave with Madara beside me.

"He is a rather protective child." Uchihas just love stating the obvious I guess.

I give him a small nod, "His… his clan was wiped out due to various reasons, and I took him in. He's developed an overprotective and somewhat obsessive worshiping personality over me. Could be worse though, at least he minds, un."

Madara tilts his head back in thought, "Almost reminded me of Izuna when we were children…"

I bite my lower lip, not much is known about Izuna, so I'll have to take his word for it. "Let's go somewhere private and then I'll unsummon you, un." I take him to the outskirts of the village, confirming that no one was watching I summon his coffin, "In you go, I'll explain everything another day."

He steps into the coffin without argument, but despite the somber atmosphere, he decides to push my buttons.

"By the way, what is with that 'un' thing you do at the end of your sentences? The nasal grunts." He looks at me smirking smugly, "It is rather distracting-" I then slam the coffin lid on his face.

"Damnit! You guys really are from the same clan! I get enough shit from Itachi and Duck-kun, I can't help my speech impediment, un!" The coffin sinks into the ground as I hear Madara laugh, I swear he just compared me to Hashirama.

Damn Uchihas…

Grumbling, I remove my jacket as the weather was way to warm for it in my opinion. As I headed back I felt something that made me groan loudly into the sky above.

"Fucking hell, I haven't even told Hiruzen about her yet, un! Couldn't Orochimaru had waited another week?!" Guess not!

I poof my chocobo into its normal size and head out to Kusagakure.

* * *

 **Like I said... fun chapter. Basically, Deidara has no flippen clue how all this happened. What I find to be enjoyable about this chapter was that Dei had such a nice... simple plan, and the Universe decided to crank it up a notch and give him more than he needed. XD I also just wanted Madara in this fanfiction, too many of them have him be this crazy evil dude when he just wanted peace, it's Black Zetsu that caused all the drama anyway. So, Madara is gonna be that adult in Dei's life, too many of those connected to him are either too crazy (Anko) or have too many responsibilities to give the teen guidance (everyone else). Dei will slowly try to fix Madara, but it will take a while. Also that sexy jutsu bit scared my beta because before we went over it I was just missing some minor details, so she was freaked by how accurate I was and I had no references. XD**

 **Next chapter is Karin! Hope you guys are happy about that cause some crazy shit is going to go down in that chapter.**

*How the obi is tied symbolizes different things, an obi tied in the back is the normal way, if your obi is tied in the front that means you are a prostitute, as it is easier to remove that way. Dei had his obi in the back, so we are all good folks!

*Throughout the story, I have been using flowers as a form of symbolism (a quick google search will usually explain them), if I used a flower, there was a meaning behind them. Pear blossoms means lasting friendship, dark pink roses mean gratitude, and in this case the lily of the valley meant either returning happiness or trust. So Neji was basically conveying the message to Kimi that he is grateful for Kimi's friendship and giving him someone to trust and be happy around. X3 It can be seen in both a platonic or romantic way. I just thought it was cute, and my beta is a flower nut, so she was happy that I used the right kind. Also spider lilies symbolize death and are the Japanese flower of the afterlife... yep.

 **No chapter for this weekend as this was suppose to be posted on Saturday, so expect a chapter next week instead!**

 ** **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all later.****

 ** **Bye!****


	21. Karin

**This one went smoother than I expected, it filled in some plots that needed to be covered and has some craziness within it. So I'm satisfied with how this turned out, I even watched a few scenes of Karin's past just to get some details right. Also there is a very important explanation in the author's note for the next** * **point. Please read it, it's a little lengthy, but it's to clear some things up!**

 **Thank you guys for all the faves, follows and reviews, it's fun to hear from everyone!**

 **Tawnypelt37: I already talked with you via PM, but just so other's can see this... no Kimimaro is not going to die, honestly if anyone in this fanfiction is going to have plot armor, it's gonna be that muffin. I could not stomach even the idea of him dying. (And my beta would kill me X-X)**

 **Asia1990: Oh my god XD As tempting as that is hun (And trust me… it's REALLY tempting) I'm gonna keep their relationship platonic, kinda like a father-son/daughter (depends on who's talking about Dei) relationship, since Deidara needs a reasonable adult in his life and Madara felt like the best option. But, oh man was that tempting when I first saw your review. There's also the factor of I do not think I have the writing ability to handle a harem. I love reading them, but it would be difficult for me to give both guys equal attention. Also my beta takes no offence to the Ino comment XD it's better than being compared to Sakura in her eyes!**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: Nah, Madara knows, he just wanted an excuse to mess with Deidara. I have plans for Izuna, but Dei needs to get Madara's trust first.**

 **Mackenzie Willow: I believe so, to be honest I randomly picked them because they were pretty, then my beta had me look up their symbolism… well that worked out well! Lol. And my god woman XD you are so blunt sometimes!**

 **silverwolf310: Izuna will show up later after Dei gets Madara's trust. And thank you for the feedback! :D**

 **VenaHope: You'll have to wait and see. :P**

 **Notsae: Deidara had too much going on in his head at the moment to even consider telling him about the Infinite Tsukuyomi, so that will appear at a later time. Madara is cooperating at the moment, so worrying about those plans are not at the top of Dei's list at this time.**

 **Methylsalicylate: (I hope I spelt that right) I always see that comment on almost every youtube video on Madara XD But I'm glad you liked this chapter, I know I loved it!**

 **Reaper: I just looked it up and wow… that show looks beautiful. As a Japanese history nut I am gonna have to take a look, thanks!**

 **Guest (MelonLord):... Well that's now on my bucket list for side stories! XD**

 **Ladybug002 (x2): I'm glad I can make you laugh, and yeah all the Uchihas sass Deidara, little jerks but we love them. X3**

 **duchessliz: I am so sorry, your review didn't show up. I got the email though. Yeah Tsunade plays a big roll in Kimi's health.**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

" _Blah"_ \- English

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

*- Explanation on bottom

 **Warning: Language, violence, pedo-snakey, character deaths, miscommunication, Anko's in this but she's rather tame compared to normal for specific reasons.**

 **Disclaimer: Seriously, I do not own Naruto, I'm not a middle-aged Japanese man that doesn't know how to defeat an all powerful shinobi. I'm running out of disclaimers. XD**

* * *

 **Karin's POV**

I dreaded returning home, my team lost the chunin exams and my teammates were quick to blame me for the failure… but they were the ones to summon Deidara-san. Either way, I had to spend the day healing people who did nothing bite into my skin like someone would a hunk of meat.

The following day I was scheduled to work, but as I was leaving that morning, I felt a weird chakra… it felt human… but it was also serpent like. My mind replays Deidara-san's warning and I quickly grabbed the rosebud he gave me.

Taking it outside, I throw a kunai at the flower and watch it give a light explosion, causing almost no damage to the ground around me. I became skeptical of if this would work, but I hid in my house anyway, expecting the worst.

 _A few hours later_

I keep myself hidden as the man got closer to the village, Zoshi tried to bang down my door, but I hid myself and kept quiet. I heard him yelling about me deserting the village… 'No… I didn't… I…' but in a way… I am.

Not long after Zoshi's chakra got farther away, I began to sense Deidara-san's chakra coming this way at a speed I didn't know was possible. He was on some kind of clay creature, like his dragon.

I ran outside, only to be greeted by a large snake and a man with pale white skin and yellow eyes smirking at me. Before he could speak, another voice cuts in like a kunai on rice paper.

"Get the fuck away from her, un!" I watch as the snake like man became tense, as if this wasn't the first time encountering Deidara-san.

 **Deidara's POV**

I'm exhausted, stressed and above all PISSED! Edo tensei brought back Madara, my brother is in the hospital, and now I have to get Karin out of Kusagakure! Today was just not my day.

Using my chocobo, I was able to get to Kusa quickly. I was surprised that the place wasn't up in flames like the crystal user Guren's village was*. Then again, this was an entire nation and not some tiny village in the middle of nowhere.

I made it to Karin's home only to see the Pedo-snake looming over her, my maternal instincts began to sweep over me. "Get the fuck away from her, un!"

I almost laughed seeing Orochimaru look so distraught. He is borderline pouting!

I proceed to throw explosives at both the snake and the man to get them away from Karin. It works in making them back away, I then put away my chocobo and throw up my C2 dragon, the simple one that the original Deidara uses, not Drogon, he uses too much chakra just to fly.

The temptation to summon Madara to help was hanging over me, but I want to keep him a secret for as long as possible. Especially to Orochimaru.

"Get on! Now!" My urgent voice was enough to send Karin scrambling onto the dragon. She slips and I have to quickly push her up to avoid any injuries. It's not that hard to climb a damn dragon! They have wings for a reason!

However, I soon learned that turning my back on Orochimaru was the biggest mistake of my life.

Time seem to freeze as I felt two needle-sharp like objects pierce my neck. My eye looks to what was on me, only to hear a sinister chuckle and a pair of yellow eyes staring back in victory. When it finally registered that Orochimaru was biting me, my body violently pulled away and jumped on the dragon, making it fly off towards Konoha as the man below laughed sadistically.

My hand slowly crept to my neck and I felt the puncture marks disappear and then there was nothing but pain. I collapsed to my knees trying not to scream as my body felt as if it was on fire. I have a high pain tolerance, but even this was overwhelming my senses.

Eventually my brain only registered three things: the pain, Karin hovering me with concern trying to say something to me, and some obnoxiously loud sound erupting from nearby. It wasn't until my lungs began begging for air did I realize the sound was my own agonizing screams.

I felt something being pressed against my gaping mouth as I prepared another scream, instantly feeling flesh trying to press against my teeth. I reacted on pure instinct, pushing Karin away, only to grab her shirt so she didn't fall off the dragon.

With a shaky breath, I force myself to speak, "I… did not… offer my help… to bite… you… do not…" I feel myself curl into a ball as another wave of pain took over my senses for a few seconds, "Use… that… ability… on... me…"

My body couldn't take more of the pain and I black out. The last thing I remembered was the dragon traveling as if nothing happened, with a little girl yelling for me to wake up.

 _Undisclosed amount of time later_

I felt like I was in a Kingdom Hearts game, it was just darkness within freaking darkness. I can't tell if I'm standing or floating, if the world around me was empty or full.

I was honestly tired of the scenery, I wish I had a sense of time and space. All I remember was Orochimaru clamping his jaws on my throat and pain taking over my ability to think. Was Sasuke's dream after getting bitten this boring? I honestly cannot remember.

Eventually a bright light shone from the distance, and the darkness morphed into a walkable surface. Finally, some changes, I was getting tired of being unable to see my hand in front of my face.

I took slow, but long strides towards the bright light, each step causing a ripple in the darkness. I couldn't sense my surroundings, but this light… it was… warm and comforting, but at the same time something about it seemed off, like it was pulling me towards something.

Before I could touch the light, a hand gently covers my visible eye blocking my vision. I didn't have the chance to see whose hand it was, but the size alone tells me that it belonged to a man.

"It is not your time yet. You have too much you still have to do." I do not recognize that voice in the slightest. It was definitely a man's voice though, but I have never heard it before.

"My… time? Who are you, un?" I try to turn my head but another hand keeps my head in place.

"We will meet again, but for now you need to return to the living." Wait… was that light…?

I didn't have a moment to react before I was thrown into consciousness.

My body threw itself into a seating position as I panted heavily, several female voices screamed in surprise, one was rather young as well. I look over to see at least three nurses all hovering me, and Karin sitting on a chair clutching the seat part like it was a lifeline from being spooked.

One nurse cups her mouth shouting at the door, "Deidara-san is awake! Get Hokage-sama!" I heard someone yell a response before running.

"Wha…?" I was cut off when one nurse checked my vitals while another made me drink a cup of water. My throat felt like I swallowed gravel and sand.

"You have been asleep for four days. On several occasions your heart slowed to the point where we thought you weren't going to make it… but that girl…" She gives Karin a soft look, "She has this odd ability to heal people if they bite her, and she had you bite her arms a few times. And every time, your heart would pick up back to normal."

I give Karin a grateful look, but also a "you are in SO MUCH trouble, missy" look. She looks away bashfully, cheeks turning pink as she remembered that I specifically did not want her to use her abilities on me.

But then again… I may have almost died without her help. At least she used the ability willingly.

The nurses all leave once Hiruzen stepped into the room, giving Karin a grandpa smile and standing by my bed, "It's good to see you are alive…"

I sigh, "I'm sorry… I was going to warn you but… Orochimaru went to Kusa sooner than I expected, un." My hand trailed to my neck, a dull throb lingered where Orochimaru bit me. "He… gave me the curse mark didn't he…?"

Hiruzen nodded with a grave look, "He took a gamble. I suspect he expected you to die from the pain, thus eliminating the one thing keeping him away from Sasuke. But he risked giving you a portion of his power."

I shivered in disgust, "I don't want his damn hickey," Hiruzen raises an eyebrow, "I want this thing off my neck, un!" My nails slowly claw down and over where I presumed the mark to be.

Hiruzen grabs my wrist to stop me from damaging myself, "We sealed it, so as long as your will is strong, the mark will not activate. But we will have to monitor it… change of subject." He motions to Karin, who has been watching the whole time. "What are your plans for Karin?"

I tilt my head, "What do you mean, un?"

The old man sighs again, suddenly looking very tired, "Well…"

 _Flashback-no-jutsu_

 **3rd person POV**

Karin nervously fidgeted with her fingers standing before the shinobi council. The civilian council was handling other matters, so thankfully those idiots were not involved. ( **AN: Don't worry… they will show up eventually.** )

Koharu looks at Karin with calculating eyes, "You can heal people by having them bite you?"

Karin flinches, fearing that this will be no different from Kusa, but nods anyway, "I am also a sensor-"

"Then you will be helping heal the wounded at the hospital." Koharu interrupted coldly, seemingly uncaring of the fact that she is determining the fate of a little girl.

Karin pales and begins to back away, 'No… no this wasn't…'

Hiruzen gives Koharu a glare, "That is not for you to decide. Her fate is in Deidara's hands." All of the clan heads have kept their mouth shut until this point, letting the elderly bicker.

Inoichi gave them all a curious look, "Why does Deidara-san have a say in her fate? He is in a coma like state at the moment." He wasn't siding with the two village elders, but having never meeting Deidara, he is free from the teen's influence and doesn't understand the implications.

Instead of Hiruzen talking, Hiashi spoke, "If you met the boy you would understand. I for one, agree with Hokage-sama. Deidara brought her here, and like with the others, she is under his care."

Catching what Hiashi said, Karin looks at him confused, "Others?"

Hiashi nods, "You are not the first person he has taken from other villages. There are at least five others so far… no doubt when he wakes up he'll have to talk to not only Kusa's leader, but the Mizukage as well."

All of the clan leaders that have yet to meet Deidara pause, their brains momentarily frying at the fact that a sixteen-year-old may have angered two villages in a short amount of time.

Hiruzen rubs his forehead, "I had received a letter from the Mizukage, demanding that he spoke with the boy."

At this rate, there's gonna be at least 6 people with whiplash before the meeting ends.

Homura finally spoke up, "Hyuuga-sama, it is unlike your clan to disagree with militaristic choices. Why the sudden change?" Despite his politeness, like Koharu, he was also quietly seething, after Danzo's sudden death things have gone topsy turvy.

The Hyuuga kept his expression blank, "Because my heir, Hinata, is all but attached to his hip, and my nephew might as well be glued to his brother. He will never harm either of them, but I know what the consequences are if Deidara became my enemy."

A chill swept over the room at the underlying tone, Inoichi and Shikaku both exchanged glances as the same thought loomed over them.

'This has something to do with councilman Danzo.'

Once again, the Hyuuga spoke, "I propose we vote. Those in favor of Deidara controlling the child's fate?" He calmly rose his hand.

At first, no one moved due to the shock, a Hyuuga was defending an outsider? Hiruzen quickly joined, followed by Shikaku, Inoichi, Choza, Tsume, and a few unnamed clan heads. All that was left were the village elders and a couple other clans who refused to be intimidated.

Hiruzen looks at Karin, "It is decided child. So long as Deidara is still breathing, you are in his custody."

 _Present time_

 **Deidara's POV**

I felt a wave of gratitude wash over me at the idea of Hiashi protecting Karin, 'He's getting soft…' Slowly climbing out of the bed, I clamp my hand over the mark as it throbbed with pain, "Karin will become a Konoha kunoichi, she will be forbidden from using her healing ability against her will, un."

Hiruzen nods, "And how will you keep custody of her?"

My eyebrow rose, "As the last document guardian of an Uzumaki clan member, I take Uzumaki Karin, distant cousin of Uzumaki Naruto, under my custody until she is of jonin rank, un."

Karin sprang from her seat, "Wait, Uzumaki?! I'm part of a clan?!"

Hiruzen hands me the adoption papers that he just happens to have and I look at Karin while filling them out like it was muscle memory… technically is, as I've had to do this for not only my brothers, but the twins as well and I had to help Zabuza legally claim Haku as his son. I sadly could not claim Sai as he is seen as a legal adult according to Konoha's laws. ( **AN: Sai won't show up for a while. Just know that he is alive and still drawing.** )

"Your bright red hair and massive chakra reserves indicate Uzumaki. We can always do a DNA test if you do not believe me, but your last name is officially Uzumaki... 'Dei...da...ra' un!" I sign my name off with a flick of the wrist and hand the papers back to the old man.

"I will process this before the final rounds… along with a few other documents." We exchange knowing glances before he coughs, "Another thing… where did you get those bruises? When your dragon crashed into the village, you had bruises in the shape of a hand around your throat."

'Oh… that…' I just give Hiruzen a long look, how the hell do you explain to an old man that you accidentally reanimated one of the most infamous shinobi in history?

Before I could open my mouth, he holds his hand up, "Nevermind Deidara, I believe it is best you do not tell me…" He pinches the bridge of his nose, "I have a feeling I will learn soon enough. Here."

Hiruzen hands me a letter with a fancy kanji for water on it… oh boy, I can see where this is going. I decide to be dramatic and fling the scroll open, causing Karin to jump away to avoid being smacked. I'm reading… and reading some more… and... Oh dear. This is bad, this is not a good thing at all.

I have no idea what this scroll is saying.

It's not that I can't understand Japanese, I am actually fluent in reading it after living in this world for five years. But that was printed. This is Japanese cursive and I sadly have the inability to understand Yagura's scrawl. ( **AN: google Japanese cursive. It's uber messy.** )

I give Hiruzen a pleading look, pitifully whimpering, "Help, un." I give him the scroll as he laughs at how my weakness is bad penmanship.

He scans the scroll, "The Mizukage is requesting an audience with you, and expects a response soon. It has to do with Zabuza and Haku if I am correct." Damn people and their ability to read squiggles…

I groan in annoyance, "Alright. But I'm not going to Kiri until after the chunin exams, un." I take the scroll back, rolling it up as Hiruzen leaves, ruffling Karin's hair in the process.

I quickly kick Karin out of the room so I could change out of my hospital yukata. I'm going to have to either start wearing high collared shirts, jackets or wrap my neck in bandages to hide the curse mark.

Looking at the mark from a mirror, I was expecting the same one Sasuke had. But instead of the heaven curse mark, it was earth, the same one Kimimaro had. Just three curved lines that for some reason remind me of nail clippings… ew. It's bad enough that I call it a hickey, now it looks like I decided to get nail clippings tattooed on my neck.

… I'm just gonna pretend that Itachi's crow decided to scratch me instead. I like that image more.

The fact that I have the earth curse mark caught my attention though, I'll have to speak to a chakra expert to understand why.

Putting my hair back up in my iconic ponytail, I exit the room only to pause for several seconds. Karin cautiously reaches out to me, "Deidara-san-"

"FUCK!" Without another word I break into a run down the hall, skillfully dodging nurses and doctors while Karin tried to keep up.

I all but throw the door to Kimimaro's room open, his dragon looks up for a moment, but upon seeing me just falls back asleep. Thankfully, I am seeing significantly less wires than before, but Kimi was still pale.

He was still asleep, not wanting to wake him I gently kiss his forehead and left, noting he has more flowers by his bedside.

Karin stood in the hallway confused, she takes a peek at Kimi before following me, her shorter legs struggle to meet my long strides. "Deidara-san? Was that Naruto?"

I look at her for a moment before chuckling, "No, that was Kimimaro. The loud blond boy from the exam was Naruto, un." At first, she looked at me with a blank look, obviously going through a flashback-no-jutsu before she violently cringed, earning another laugh from me.

Leave it to Naruto to still get that kind of reaction from others.

Once outside I create two clay birds and threw them into the air. One headed to the Hyuuga estate while the other went to Sakura's house. Karin gawked at my palm mouths, but didn't ask, I guess she didn't realize that was how I made my explosives.

Hinata and Sakura were already at the training ground by the time we arrived. I had to grab Karin a new weapons kit and some outfits as we left without any of her stuff.

"Deidara-sensei!" "Deidara-san!"

A warm smile graced my lips as the girls ran to me in greeting, "Hey sweethearts, I have someone I want you two to meet. This is Kar- huh?" I look at my side to notice a significant lack of red by my hip. A hand gripping the back of my shirt and wrist had me twist my body towards my blindside.

Moving my hair so my open eye can see, Karin was timidly hiding away. I feel my palm connect with my face as I nudge her out of her hiding spot. Sorry honey, if I'm gonna kick Kimimaro away from hiding behind my figurative skirt, you get the same treatment.

Sakura was quick to understand that there is a story behind all this and gives Karin a gentle smile, "I'm Haruno Sakura, this is my friend Hinata." She motions to the blue haired girl.

Hinata bows to Karin politely, "Hello, it's nice to meet you. I am Hyuuga Hinata."

Karin gawks at the girls for a moment before regaining her composure, "M-my name is… Karin…" She notices my eyebrow raising, "Uzumaki Karin."

Both girls instantly perk up at the name but it was Hinata that shot the question, "Are you related to Naruto-kun?"

I place a gentle hand on Karin's shoulder, "From his mother's side. Uzumakis usually have red hair, un." When the girls nod in understanding I clear my throat, "Okay, let me explain how this training will go. Sakura, you will be spending your time on chakra control, you have been reading medical books correct?"

Sakura nods in confirmation so I continue, "Good, you will be practicing on Hinata and Karin-chan." Both girls give me confused looks, "Hiashi-sama wants Hinata to master the rotation. Karin-chan, you will be sparring with Hinata and throwing weapons at her, aim to cut, not kill. Use your sensing abilities to tell Hinata where she needs to focus her chakra on. Sakura will heal any cuts, un."

The training was simple and benefitted all of the girls. Sakura gets a head start on medical ninjutsu before Tsunade, Hinata masters rotation, and Karin…

Karin will improve her taijutsu… and hopefully make two loyal friends.

This training session lasted for the next two hours, with a few minute breaks in between. Sakura would attempt to heal both girls, but because she can barely make her hand glow, I would step in with some bandages. During the breaks all three of them would swap stories, crack jokes and just laugh things off as if they have been doing this for years. They were like peas in a pod and I was so proud of Hinata and Sakura for accepting Karin so quickly.

Nostalgia swept over me as I watched the girls laughing, 'How long has it been since I acted like that…?" Sometimes I miss my old home, being a girl and laughing with my friends, but… I'm happy here.

My thoughts were cut short when someone lands by me, "Dei-chan! I heard you were awake, why didn't you tell me?!" Looking up, I saw Anko hovering over me.

"Oh, sorry about the scare Anko. I-" I was cut short when my neck was nearly snapped with how fast she twisted it. I felt gentle fingers ghost over the curse mark, but I also felt her rage slowly growing.

"... I should have gone with you, this would have never happened." Oh no, she's blaming herself for my stupidity.

"No Anko, this was my fault, I let my guard down. I would have told you, but when I had gotten to Kusa, Orochimaru was already standing in front of Karin, who knows what would have happened if I arrived any later, un." That seemed to have deflated her rage for the time being, as long as I reject this stupid hickey, it should not activate. I am curious to see what pattern will form on my body though- 'Bad thoughts! You will not fall for temptation!'

I decided to quickly change the subject fearing for my own curious mind to take over, "What happened while I was out? Any news, un?" The expression on her face was enough to make my blood cold and for me to regret my question.

"... Hokage-sama never told you…?" When I tilt my head in confusion, she whispers in my ear so the girls cannot hear this, "Hayate was found dead…"

Time seemed to stand still as my brain failed to file this information into a coherent form. Eventually my body decides to allow the one thing processing through my mind to squawk out of my already sore throat.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S DEAD?!" Anko flinches away at the volume and the girls stopped what they were doing.

"Deidara-sen-" A harsh snap of my fingers and one dangerous glare was all it took to send the three scrambling to another area so I could rage without interruption.

I grab Anko's shoulders, shaking her wildly, "How could he die?! Hiruzen knew exactly when it would happen and who kills him, why was he alone?!"

Anko had to stop me before I gave her brain damage, "He wasn't, the two ANBU who were assigned to watch over him were also found dead…"

A low growl rippled through my throat, "Kabuto… _That damn bastard! Why is it so hard to keep people alive?! Do I have to hover everyone every fucking day of the year in case they choke on a grain of rice? Why can't people just not be stupid and listen to thin-_ " Anko had to smack me to stop my ranting, I didn't even realize I was speaking English. I have almost no emotional attachments to Hayate, but… I just didn't expect him to be my first failure, I'm not sad… just... angry...

"Dei-chan… I have absolutely no idea what you just said, but… did you know about Hayate?"

I nod, my face growing hot, "Yes, he was the first death in Konoha that was preventable… Hiruzen knew… but even that couldn't stop it from happening, un…" I sigh heavily while running a hand through my hair. Of course this had to happen…

I gave myself a few moments to calm myself down, I should have suspected this to happen, I can't save every life and because of my actions someone has to die that lived originally. Each action needs to have a consequence, and I've already taken several lives away from death's hands so far. Instead of one person dying, because I tried to keep Hayate alive, at least three are dead right now.

I am currently praying that Kabuto actually dies this time around if the war happens.

As if sensing my rage vanish, the girls return but looked at me cautiously. I gave them my brotherly grin, "Sorry about that girls… let's cut the training short for today and continue tomorrow, I need to show Karin-chan her apartment anyway." I received two nods and hugs from Sakura and Hinata before they headed home.

I took Karin to her apartments, unaware of the thoughtful look forming on Anko's face.

 _The next day_

The rapid banging on my door sent me flying out of bed and throwing it open, only to see Anko grinning at me like an idiot.

"Anko… it's..." I check the clock, oh thank Kami, "8 in the morning, un…" I could hear Naruto snoring away in his bedroom still. The house felt empty without Kimimaro though.

She gives me a cheeky laugh, "Pack two bags for two weeks, one week of comfy clothes and another for shinobi gear and then seal them in some scrolls. I'm taking you on vacation!" I think I just misheard my best friend, did she say… vacation? For two weeks?!

"Wait, hold on Anko, two weeks?! Are you sure? What about the girls? They need to be trained, un!" There's also Kimimaro in the hospital and Naruto training and-

My thoughts were cut short by Anko, "I spoke with the girls, they will continue their training at Hinata's place, under Hiashi's watch." When I tried to protest again she continued, "Neji and the twins are keeping an eye on Kimimaro, and that pervert Jiraiya said he would be crashing here to watch over Naruto. Haku and Zabuza plan on frequently visiting to make sure Naruto isn't dead. Sasuke is with Kakashi and you are driving yourself ragged."

I bow my head in defeat, she made sure I had nothing to use to protest against her, "What are we doing, un?"

"I'm glad you asked! There's a festival going on in Yugakure, so you and I are gonna enjoy food, games and mixed baths." She gives me a teasing wink as I become flustered, "The second week we will be going around the country and looking at various tourist sites. You will be stuck with me for two weeks, you will have fun and you will relax for once in your goddamn short life!" She ended her speech by poking me in the chest.

At first, all I could do is stare at my friend in complete shock, but as my mind processed what she said, I felt my muscles slowly relax at the idea of some fun for a few weeks. This would still give me a week to prepare for the finals, but also give me a chance to enjoy myself and not be overwhelmed with stress, allowing my thoughts to process clearly.

I numbly nod and create a clone, the clone made breakfast for Naruto and wrote a note, while I packed my clothes. I headed to the gates with Anko and allowed her to lead me, a small smile gracing my lips.

Art may be fleeting, but I'm eternally grateful to have a friend like Anko to keep me sane... That's ironic considering she, herself is borderline insane.

* * *

 **Side story #7 Kisame and Itachi (When Deidara used Sexy Jutsu)**

 **Suggested by Mackenzie Willow**

 **3rd person POV**

Kisame returns to the quiet inn him and Itachi were staying in, with some take-out from a local restaurant. The rain had begun to pick up and Kisame was concerned for Itachi's health, as the teen's skin was more pale than usual. Entering the room, the shark man was greeted with a rather interesting sight, one that made him wish he had a camera on him.

Itachi was sitting in the room, staring blankly at a wall with his sharingans activated, mouth hanging open as if in shock.

"Um… Itachi-san?" Kisame sets their food down on the table and pads over to his partner, sitting on the tamami floor in confusion. "Something wrong? Your face is turning red." It's true, the longer the Uchiha kept staring at the wall, the pinker his cheeks got.

Realizing that Kisame was in the room, Itachi turns back to his neutral face, but his hand slowly trailed up to do a soft facepalm. Quietly muttering, "And they claim those colors clash with their hair…" Granted, Deidara was just pulling lies out of his ass at the time, but Itachi felt the urge to tease the blond about it later when they meet again. Also because of the sharingan, Itachi could no longer get the visual of Deidara as a woman out of his head.

Kisame looks at his partner with even more confusion, "What are you talking about?"

Itachi gently shakes his head, deactivating his sharingan after Jiraiya basically asked Deidara to strip, letting the crow do its thing, "It's nothing, Kisame."

This made the older man grin, baring his sharp teeth, "Come on now, spill it out, who were you spying on?" He knew his partner can see things from his summons, but Itachi was so secretive that he never knows what and who the birds are spying at.

Itachi sighs, 'I may as well tell him.' "Remember that... girl, I talked with a few weeks back?"

Kisame deadpans, expecting the worst, "You mean the one you made cry?" The Uchiha nods in confirmation, "... Itachi-san, I…" The man facepalms, getting the wrong idea. "I understand you are young and always stuck with a guy like me all day, but is this really the best way to handle your-"

"She was using a henge on her younger brother's sensei who is a pervert and refuses to train him. I was in shock that she would do something that bold just to get him to cooperate." Itachi smoothly interrupts, not wanting to hear Kisame lecture.

Kisame's entire body relaxed at an instant, "Oh, is that all? Well here I was getting hyped up for no reason. Come on, let's eat, you're still pale despite the pink cheeks."

Itachi gives his partner a half-hearted glare, but agrees and they ate in silence.

But on the inside, Itachi was still wondering how someone like Deidara was able to bring back Uchiha Madara.

* * *

 **Yeah so Deidara got the curse hickey, I decided it could add some funzies in the later chapters because Deidara has a very curious mind… as seen with the patterns. Also Karin is now safe and away from snakey, I do plan on her befriending the two girls, I think it would be cute to have them walk around as a team when everyone is a chunin in shippuden.**

* I want to make something VERY clear with how Dei's knowledge of the Narutoverse works. While I, the author, am constantly updating my information to keep the plot accurate, Dei only has the knowledge I had when writing the first chapter (Which to be honest, is a lot). Karin's wiki page has a VERY different explanation of how she met Orochimaru compared to the filler anime, however I am going with the anime's version because it seemed the most accurate… and you all seem to be focused on that one. So, while we all know how Karin met Orochimaru and how her past worked, Deidara has no idea and was under the impression he attacks her village.

If I just learned something, like Honoka and Dei interacts with it, he will be going in blind. I wanted you all to understand that so any confusions or misinformation from Deidara is purely because I find it unrealistic, (and kinda stupid) when authors constantly update their SI's knowledge of a world, when they do not have a cellphone or computer with this information at hand. That is why Dei has everything written down in a book and updated it after reviewing his memories, because without it he WILL forget things.

 **That aside, next chapter is the chunin exam finals! There will be a small segment in the beginning for plot reasons, but after that it will be the fights and the invasion. I am not sure if it will all be in one chapter, it depends on my mood. But I will tell you all in the next chapter how that will work out. If you guys want a side story of Dei's vacation with Anko I can make it, but I am not going to devote a whole chapter to it, I want the plot to roll! XD**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys this weekend!**

 **Bye!**


	22. Finals

**Woohoo! This was fun to write! I'm horrible at fight scenes but I hope you guys enjoy this.**

 **Thank you all so much for the fave, follows and reviews!**

 **Baron Bolt: Maybe. It is a realistic possibility, but my lips are sealed. :3**

 **setokayba2n: Not gonna** **say anything about any future jutsus, but sadly Tayuya** **is already one of Orochimaru's** **bodyguards, too late to get her. But I actually didn't know how to spell her name, so her name is misspelled in a previous chapter and gave me an idea for my next update. So,** **thanks for mentioning her! Also,** **Hiruzen** **knew Orochimaru** **was in the exam, but since Deidara** **was handling things he chose to stay out of it.**

 **silverwolf310: Yeah, I was really tempted to make Hayate** **live. But realistically speaking, unless Deidara** **does hover some of these characters they would die regardless. Itachi** **will not be happy seeing the curse mark, that I can assure you, and I'm glad you like my Kisame, he's just learned to roll with whatever Itachi** **says and does. XD**

 **ladybug002: Glad you liked the twist. To be honest I love that no one has mentioned the scene after it, I just foreshadowed big time. XD**

 **Asia1990: Weird pairing but to each their own. XD And** **still no on the Uchiha harem hun, if Madara is gonna** **be paired with ANYONE it will be Hashirama. Lastly,** **I will not be adding any Ocs/SI's to replace any of the characters, it would break the plot I have lined out, I would also end up killing them or risk writers block. I have a personal hatred for fanfictions that plop in another OC/SI in someone else's body midway into the story. My beta will be making an appearance for 1 chapter though, but that is related to the plot I have and she will not be making any other appearances, nor will she be a part of the main storyline. Sorry luv. :/**

 **Mackenzie Willow: Glad you liked it hun! It was fun planning it out with you! :D**

 **Sit Back and Live Life: She will don't worry, gotta** **tease Itachi** **somehow. ;P** **I'm so glad you are enjoying this story and its wackiness!**

 **Reaper: It was just a short clip and I wanted her POV to be accurate. Deidara's? Meh, I've put in my two cents on how his knowledge works. Glad you liked the chapter!**

 **duchessliz: Nah, Kabuto won't be dead for a long time. I actually like his character lol. Plus,** **it would force me to create a whole new villain and I am super lazy. And don't worry, Itachi** **and Sasuke** **will sit down and have a talk, and Deidara** **will hover over both brothers to make sure they are playing nice!**

 **VenaHope: I added a bit in here with Naruto and Karin!**

 **HerpiousDerpious: (Love the username btw) Already answered in a PM but just to answer for anyone else coming into this story: They're all foxes, it's just my friend's artstyle. Be funny if Dei was a weasel though. XD**

 **Azaira: Sasuke** **had those types of eyes after the Zabuza** **arc, guess they were slowly developing as the series went on. Dei doesn't want to be a girl, just misses it a little bit, he's gotten use to the whole thing by now. Scars (based on the numerous times people have been healed in the anime) cannot be fixed by normal medical ninjutsu. The main reason why Kiri would care about Zabuza** **is BECAUSE he is a missing nin, they would want to get their justice. Also, by puppet I am assuming you mean Yagura? Yeah, Deidara** **just wants to meet the guy to mess with Obito** **some more, the one that demanded an audience was really Obito. And Kusa** **is allies with Konoha, hence why they were in the chunin** **exams, so they would throw a fit over Karin because of how useful she is. I am glad you asked these questions though, best that I try to clarify some things in any way that I can, thanks for the reviews hun! :D**

"Blah" - Talking

'Blah' - Thinking

" **Blah** " - Kurama talking

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

*- Explanation on bottom

 **Warning: Violence, language, OOC, shipping (specifically hints of future yaoi** **pairings, don't like... I've been hinting for almost 20 chapters, why are you reading this if you hate yaoi?) and the usual Deidaraness.**

 **Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own Naruto and I never will, sadly.**

* * *

Two weeks flew by like summer vacation, just when you finally begin to appreciate it, it's already over.

When I returned to Konoha with Anko, the stress of what's to come tried to drill back into me, but I guess a week of hot springs made a temporary barrier. As much as I was worried about the events to come… if things stayed the same, I honestly didn't mind.

That's why I am standing before Hiruzen to tie up loose ends.

"You seem relaxed, I don't think I've seen you like this. Usually you're a bundle of nerves." The old man chuckles as I nonchalantly stretch into the air.

"It felt good to be away from everything, now I can focus at what's at hand with a clear mind, un." I approach his desk, eyeing the room cautiously, "Do you have all that I requested?"

Hiruzen nods and hands me two scrolls, one sealed with his blood, the other was simply labeled "Use when Deidara is involved" and copies of all of my adoption paperwork for every chibi. Including copies for Zabuza.

What caught my attention was that he even provided an extra set of paperwork, "You really are prepared to die, huh?" I let out a low, breathless chuckle as I seal everything into a special seal wrapped around my wrist. They were kinda like Sasuke's shuriken seals when he fought Itachi.

"If Tsunade will take my place… then at least I want to make sure no one can hinder your movements…" He has a point, the blood scroll contained a copy of Hiruzen's will, using my blood to keep it shut. It wouldn't be a surprise if after he died, the will suddenly "disappears" and I find ANBU at my door.

Granted, I plan on joining their ranks by next year.

I give him a small smile, "I can still prevent your death you know, a simple C4 and Orochimaru is-"

He holds his hand up to silence me, "No, protect your brothers and the village. Give this old man the dignity of facing against my former student and die trying to fix the wrongs I have made." He leans back into his chair and watches me quietly.

I just sigh, running a hand through my bangs. I got a few inches chopped off while I was away, but my hair is so long you can barely notice the difference. ( **AN: Actually** **look at Dei's hair at the beginning of shippuden** **vs how he dies, it grows longer. You can see it in the ponytail.** )

"Worth asking, un… any last-minute requests?"

He pauses, before looking at me with a slightly hopeful look, "What happens… after Sasuke joined Orochimaru? The timeline you are changing."

I take the spare chair in the room and sit in it backwards, resting my arms and chin on the back of it.

"Three years from now, shippuden begins…"

 _One week later_

I think being away for a week allowed me to appreciate even the smallest of progress made by the chibis. Enough to where I can, hopefully, enjoy the fights and not be on pins and needles.

Even though I have no idea who is fighting who. Never asked, never learned.

Hiruzen had assigned me as one of his guards despite not being an ANBU. This was mostly because I wanted a good angle for pictures.

Though having to respectfully bow to Orochimaru, who was pretending to be the Kazekage, was semi-painful.

"Oh? You have such a young guard Hokage-sama." I could almost hear his brain cursing me out.

"Deidara may be young, but he has more than proven himself to be a powerful shinobi, Kazekage-sama." I beam at Hiruzen for the praise before bowing lowly to Orochimaru.

"It is an honor to meet you Kazekage-sama. I hope that these exams will strengthen the bond between Sunagakure and Konohagakure, and that I may one day call your shinobi my comrades-in-arms, un." Now, if this was a real kage, I would have held back the grunt, but it's Orochimaru… so he gets one. Also, I am such a kiss-ass.

I casually twirl at my heel and lean against the guardrail, zooming in on my scope. I'm grateful I decided NOT to get a drink before this because the first match would have caused a spit take.

After Genma explained the rules, he called out the first two names, "Would Kaguya Kimimaro and Hyuuga Neji step into the arena?" Based on the chatter, this was one fight people were curious about. A supposed Hyuuga prodigy and the last of an infamous Kiri clan, this is almost as big as Sasuke's fighting.

'This will be fine. Neither boy would actually try to hurt each other.' To be honest, I don't think they can, they care too much about each other to cause permanent damage.

Both boys got into their stances, and the dancing began.

…

Yeah that's right, I called it a dance.

Their bodies twisted and turned with each other's steps like two dancers on a stage. Thanks to my sensing abilities I can feel their hearts beat as one entity, they were in their own little world.

Kimimaro would occasionally shoot out some finger bones and Neji would skillfully either use gentle fist to make a flashy burst of powdered calcium, or rotation to send them flying. Based on the occasional cheers of the crowd, I could tell they were just showing off.

I hear Orochimaru inquire, "They seem rather skilled."

I turn my head slightly and monotonously state, "They're just being flashy. Those two are not even trying, un." Orochimaru has a flash of interest in his eyes, 'Did Kabuto give this idiot my warning?'

A single cough from the arena made two weeks of relaxation fly off like a peeved bird.

Snapping my head back to the boys, Kimimaro is on the ground coughing violently while Neji is hovering him. He knew better than to touch his friend incase he makes it worse.

Neji turns his head towards Genma, byakugan activated, "Kimimaro is unable to continue. Declare me the winner or else." When the crowd tried to encourage Neji to "Finish him off!" Neji got into his 64 palm pose towards Genma. Killing intent leaking from his body.

The bandana wearer wisely declared Neji the winner with the crowd booing.

And everyone wonders why I hate people.

"Hey Hiruzen, I'll be back, I need to be a parent, un."

"Do as you wish Deidara." Thanks old man.

Once again, being overly dramatic, I leap off the guardrail and practically made a mini crater from the force of my landing, scaring the shit out of almost everyone.

I gently take Kimimaro into my arms, taking long strides towards the hospital, "Naruto! Stay here! I got your brother, un! I'll try to return in time to see your fight!" I hear an "Okay, dattebayo!" from above and Neji sticking close to me.

"Deidara-san, I am so sorry, I didn't-" I cut the Hyuuga off.

"It's fine Neji, I'm grateful you stopped the match though, thank you, un." I give the panicked Hyuuga a calm smile as I hand Kimi over to the medics, they had already set up a station for him at my request.

Once Kimi was all hooked up and put on some sleeping drugs, Neji sat by the bed, "I couldn't let him get hurt… I… care about him." Neji seemed to be thinking wrong and he turns to me flustered, "I mean, he's my best friend and…"

I let out a wholehearted laugh at how cute Neji is being, "Don't worry Neji, I approve, un."

"Eh?" Neji stares at me, dumbfounded.

I take a seat next to him and gently run my thumb over Kimi's still hand, "Nothing Neji, nothing."

 **3rd person POV**

"I hope Kimimaro is going to be okay…" Sakura gives Naruto a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder after Deidara left. The younger blond was just as worried, but chose to follow his brother's orders.

"Kimi-nii is strong, he'll recover, dattebayo!" Naruto tried to remain optimistic as he gave Sakura a thumbs up. The crowd was still booing and having a cow, annoying him somewhat.

What caught their attention was a redheaded girl running up to them, Sakura smiles and waves, "Karin-chan!"

"Eh? Karin, dattebayo?" Naruto never ran into Karin because of schedules, she was always with the girls by the time Naruto even got Jiraiya awake in the morning.

Karin stops in front of Sakura, out of breath, "I just saw what happened, why did he fight if he was ill?"

Sakura shrugs, "Kimimaro is as stubborn as Deidara-sensei, so I guess not even an illness would stop him. Boys, right?"

Karin rolls her eyes a little bit, worried for Kimimaro, but grateful that Sakura is trying to keep the atmosphere somewhat light, "Right…"

Naruto leans into Karin's personal bubble, "Who are you, dattebayo?" The poor girl quickly hid behind Sakura to get some space.

"Uzumaki… Karin…?" Karin winces, expecting the hyper blond to freak out.

He did, just not the way she expected, "EH?! You're an Uzumaki too?! Why have I never met you?" Naruto skillfully dodges Sakura's blow to the head, as his yelling was rupturing her eardrums.

"Naruto, she's been training with Hinata and me, you've been off doing your own training." Sakura rubs her ear, "How Deidara-sensei is not deaf by now is beyond me…"

Naruto chuckle and rubs his head, "Heehee, sorry Sakura-chan. I'm just so excited to meet a family member, dattebayo!"

Karin blushes, "Family…?" This earns a nod from the blond and she leaves her hiding spot smiling.

Genma, already getting a headache, "ENOUGH!" The crowd goes quiet, "Wow, that actually worked, Deidara-san was right… Alright! The next match is Nara Shikamaru and Temari!"

Shikamaru groans, "Why do I have to fight…?" Before he could continue whining, Naruto slaps his back and sends the Nara off the rails and into the arena below, leaving Temari unimpressed.

The crowd becomes more and more enticed as the fight went on, Temari used her massive fan to blow heavy winds and Shikamaru used battle strategies worthy of a chunin. Things were getting good, and then…

"To hell with it. I give up!"

…

"HE WHAT?!" The random man in the audience was enough to set everyone off. Throwing items at Shikamaru, calling him names. In the crowd, Ino was freaking out while Choji explained to her that he knew Shika would give up, being a chunin is too much work. ( **AN: The fight is the same as the anime.** )

Kotetsu and Izumo exchange amused glances, they'll recommend Shikamaru not only because of his chunin level of thinking, but also to mess with the lazy kid.

Shikamaru returns to everyone, only to be berated by Naruto, "What was that about?! You could have won, dattebayo!"

Shikamaru yawns, "Shut up… it would just cause more work for me."

Temari returns to her siblings, absolutely humiliated, "That bastard…"

Kankuro gives a halfhearted glare, "At least you get to fight." Of course he was planning on giving up anyway, but to lose to Sakon within minutes of the match beginning was the worst feeling.

"Would Temari return to the arena to fight Aburame Shino?" Genma boredly stares at the Suna siblings

Temari slams her hands on the guardrail, eyes wide, "What?! But I just fought!"

"Well considering Dosu was found dead earlier this month, the winner has to fight two matches. So come on." Genma jerks his head in a random direction. He's in the arena, so as long as he doesn't nod at the clouds, it's fairly obvious what he meant.

Temari nervously bites her lip, one look from Gaara was all that was needed to break her confidence. She needed to preserve the rest of her chakra, "I give up." Her face morphing into a glare when the audience boos again.

Seemingly forgotten by everyone but Hinata, Shino sighs, "Guess I'm participating in the next exams then."

Hinata twiddles her fingers, "Don't worry Shino… I doubt I'll become chunin." She gives Shino a reassuring smile, who doesn't react but appreciates the gesture.

"Alright, the next fight is between Haruno Sakura and Sakon."

Sakura makes her way down the stairs, but pauses, noticing Ukon's head, "Is he allowed to help you fight?"

Sakon shrugs in return, "Deidara said to just go for it and to tell Genma that he can kiss my ass."

This resulted in Sakura massaging her temples, 'Deidara-sensei would say something like that…' Knowing better than to throw a fuss, the pinkette faces against the twins in the arena.

The moment the battle began Sakura used Antlion technique to slow Sakon down, but sadly the boy would simply dodge the attack.

Naruto watches the fight in confusion as Sakon would keep dodging attack after attack, "Why isn't he fighting back, dattebayo?"

Shikamaru lazily leans on the guardrail, "Isn't it obvious? Earth style uses up more chakra than most techniques. He's trying to wear her out… explaining things to you is troublesome…"

Sakura quickly swaps to taijutsu, realizing that her chakra would be depleted in no time at the rate she was going.

Sakon laughs, "You sure you want to get close to me Sakura?" Without warning, Ukon joins in the fight by adding extra limbs to Sakon's attacks.

Someone yells to Genma, "Isn't this cheating?!" A loud bark confirms that the voice was Kiba.

Gemma shrugs, "It's the kid kekkei genkai, so it's as fair as letting a Hyuuga use their byakugan and an Inuzuka their ninken."

Sakon gives a slight cheer before increasing his speed, Sakura quickly finds herself overwhelmed with bruises from the aggressive kicks and punches. Jumping away she spams hand signs and everyone stares in shock as her hand glows green.

Naruto gapes, "What's wrong with Sakura-chan's hand?!"

Karin taps his shoulder, "It's medical ninjutsu, she's healing her bruises." The redhead felt a sense of pride as she was used for practice, and because of that she contributed into helping her friend.

Sakura finished the battle by sending earth spires under Sakon, knocking the boy flat and trapping him in earth.

Izumo whispers to his best friend, "We need more medical shinobi. It would be waste to keep her a genin."

Kotetsu nodded, "But what about Sakon? He also fought well."

Izumo shakes his head, "He relies too much on using his brother in battle. Even in a two on one match he still lost to Haruno." A nod from his friend was enough for the both of them to jot down notes.

Sakura flattens the ground to normal and helps Sakon up, "You two okay?" She nervously fidgets, not use to interacting with the pair.

Sakon pats the younger girl on the shoulder, originally aiming for her head, but after what happened to Kin in the Forest of Death, he wisely avoided it. Giving her a smirk, "You better become a chunin considering I lost to you."

Sakura relaxes as the older boy gently escorts her back to her friends, sticking close under Deidara's orders, ' "When feathers float, break the sleep with a single note." Why does he have to speak in damn riddles? Just tell me to break the genjutsu on the kids.' Based on Ukon chuckling, his brother agreed.

"You were great Sakura!" Karin high-fives the pinkette while Hinata stood by her proudly. Naruto tried to butt in but was thrown off the platform by Shikamaru.

"What the hell you bastard, dattebayo?!"

Shika sighs, "Troublesome, it's your match." He rests his chin against his palm, half asleep within seconds.

"Eh…? My match? OH YEAH! Hey, Hinata! It's our turn, dattebayo!" The blond cheerfully waves for the girl to join him, which she obligues.

There was some buzzing in the crowd, mostly because Hinata is the clan heir. The only ones quietly watching were the Hyuugas, especially the ones that know how much stronger Hinata has become.

"Alright Hinata, no holding back! Shadow clone jutsu!" At least a dozen Naruto's charge at Hinata.

The Hyuuga heiress activates her byakugan and hits each clone with gentle fist, using her chakra to poof them away. Despite the ever-growing number of clouds, Hinata could still see thanks to her eyes.

'Which one is the real Naruto-kun…?' Naruto had distributed his chakra evenly amongst his clones, so all Hinata could do was keep hitting until she met her mark. After ten or so clones she notices that one Naruto was standing farther from the rest.

"8 trigrams... 64 palms!" Every Hyuuga in the audience tensed as their heiress jabbed Naruto over and over again, blocking his chakra points.

Naruto collapses on the ground, unable to move, he's happy that Hinata is doing so great, but Deidara isn't back yet. He didn't want the match to be over so quickly.

And he didn't want to lose.

A dark voice inside him laughs, " **You humans hate to lose even against those you call comrades. What a selfish mortal.** " Kurama sneers in amusement as he leaks out some of his chakra to spice up the fight. None of his previous hosts had fought a Hyuuga before, so this provided him with entertainment.

The air grew thick as red chakra spewed out of Naruto like a sprinkler, Hinata backs up seeing the chakra. Deidara had long since explained to her that Naruto was the Kyuubi host, that never changed her feelings for him. But right now, she was afraid.

Naruto climbs to his feet, eyes red with slit pupils. Growling he charges at Hinata, ready to strike.

SNAP

The sound of metal snapping, followed by the agonizingly high pitch squeal of said metal being twisted cause most people to look up at the Kage platform.

Deidara just returned, and in his panicked state of seeing Naruto about to strike Hinata made him all but turn a chunk of the guardrail into a pretzel.

The teen turns to Hiruzen, "Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to have them fight each other, un?!"

Hiruzen sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose while Orochimaru had to suppress a laugh, "Everyone drew numbers Deidara. You should have asked them."

Deidara proceeds to make incoherent sound effects while cursing out any ANBU that tried to move him.

Seeing his older brother was enough to make Naruto suppress the Kyuubi chakra and he looks at Hinata. Like a mirror both kids were wide eyed and pale, realizing that if this continues, someone will get hurt.

Afraid for the other's safety, in perfect sync the two shot their hands in the air, shouting out, "I give up!"

Genma looks between the two in confusion, "Who wins then?"

"Neither of us, dattebayo!"

"We… We don't want to decide a winner if it means a repeat of what almost happened…"

The man rubs his neck, "Well someone ask to… Gah…" Genma suddenly finds himself with two pairs of large puppy eyes staring at him, practically pleading him to let the match end, "Alright, just stop with the eyes. The match is a draw!"

Both ran back up to their friends before the audience could throw another fit. Most were still in shock on what just happened, and the few that recovered were too excited for the final fight.

The moment the two reached the top of the stairs they were pulled into a tight hug from Deidara, "Don't scare me like that again, un…"

"Sorry Deidara-san…" Hinata received a kiss on the forehead from her mentor before being released to stand by Shino.

Deidara leans close to Naruto's ear, "You should give her a kiss on the cheek as an apology, un."

That caused Naruto to sputter, "Wh-what?! Why should I, dattebayo?!" His face turns crimson at the idea of kissing Hinata.

The older blond had to resist the urge to smirk, "It's the gentlemanly thing to do. You must thank her for a fun match, un." Poor kid couldn't tell if his brother was joking or not.

"I… I guess?" Naruto gulps and slowly makes his way to Hinata, not noticing Sakura and Karin going towards Deidara giggling. The teen having his scope ready.

When Naruto reached Hinata, she stared at him in confusion, "Naruto-kun…?"

Chu~

The girl's entire body goes red as she felt her crush's lips touch her cheek. Naruto almost instantly pulls away afterwards and runs off back to Deidara, embarrassed. Thankfully Shino was there to catch Hinata as she faints on the spot.

Naruto couldn't hide his shock as he witnesses not only his brother, but Sakura and Karin either squealing with delight or laughing their asses off.

"You tricked me, dattebayo!"

Deidara, still dying of laughter, hugs Naruto, "S-sorry honey, b-but… pffff… we've been wanting that to happen for a long time!"

While this whole fiasco was going on, Genma received the orders to wait twenty more minutes for Sasuke. The crowd gets annoyed, but took this time to grab snacks and use the restroom.

 **Deidara's** **POV**

I'm so grateful that neither Hinata nor Naruto were injured, and I got a picture of them as well! I'll need to get Hinata some cinnamon rolls soon, she broke her record of not fainting by a total of five years!

While waiting for Sasuke, the chibis filled me in on how the fights went, 'So Temari and Shikamaru did fight. Guess some things were meant to be. And they still act like an old married couple.' I see both Shikamaru and Temari shiver when I give them mischievous looks.

'I will play matchmaker and you will like it!'

"How is Kimi-nii, dattebayo?" Naruto looks up at me concerned.

I give him a gentle kiss on the head, "He's stable right now… he just cannot leave the bed for the moment. Don't worry… I'm going to get the best healer to tend to him soon, un." After all… the Tsunade arc is going to arrive soon.

Hiruzen gave me permission to stay with the kids for the time being, aware that he is sitting next to Orochimaru. The invasion is just a little bit away.

Sasuke and Kakashi arrive just a few seconds before the time ran out, "Sorry about that, are we late?"

"If you had made Duck-kun miss his match I would have blown up your Icha Icha series, un!" Kakashi tenses up like a spooked cat when he heard that he nearly risked his precious series' life by poking at my buttons.

My eyes follow Gaara heading into the arena, snapping the occasional photo as the battle starts.

 _After Sasuke_ _uses Chidori_

( **AN:Same** **fight as in the anime. Deidara** **just took pictures while occasionally cheering Sasuke** **on. Didn't miss anything.** )

The air grew tense as Gaara was screaming about how he was bleeding, feathers danced across the air causing the civilians to become drowsy.

"Release, un!" I dispel the jutsu and quickly work to wake up the chibis that did fall asleep, aka Naruto.

"Sakon, go protect Kimimaro, Neji is there. The rest of you find the jounin instructors. I need to protect the village, un." Without another word I vanish into the chaos.

 **3rd person POV**

Hiruzen stood before Orochimaru in horror as he reapplied his face, the barrier has been set and Hiruzen was in his battle clothes.

"I've been working on another jutsu that should bring back old memories… Sarutobi-sensei." The snake man laughs sadistically as two coffins appeared, a third one slowly rising.

'It's this jutsu!' Hiruzen quickly weaved hand signs and stopped the third coffin from rising, disappearing back into the roof.

Both lids fall open and out comes Hashirama and Tobirama, both staring at with dazed expressions.

"Hiruzen? You've gotten old…" Tobirama states the obvious as they try to figure out what's going on, "Edo tensei? This brat mastered my technique?" He sounded more offended than angered to be honest.

"I told you reanimation was a bad idea Tobirama, now it was used on us." Due to the effects of Orochimaru's edo tensei, the two Hokages are lacking a little in their usual personalities.

Just as Orochimaru went to put the talismans in the back of their heads, Tobirama noticed something, "Who's the kid on the other end of the roof?"

Everyone pauses as an all too familiar voice rings out, "Thanks for calling me out Tobirama-baka, un!" Hiruzen tenses up while Orochimaru throws his head back with an annoyed groan, a blond teenager leaps to Hiruzen's side.

"Deidara! I told you to protect the village!" Hiruzen begins scolding the teen as the two Hokages watch with mild, zombie-like interest.

"And I'm 16 and always being told to act my age. Therefore, I am acting my age, by disobeying adult authority and participating in life threatening activities, un." Deidara slams his hands on his hips, nodding proudly at himself.

Tobirama eyes his brother, "He reminds me of someone…"

Hashi tilts his head, "I wonder who?" Ignoring his brother's blank stare.

 **Deidara's** **POV**

I turn my attention to Orochimaru and the Hokages, "Time to get to work, un." Cracking my neck, I was about to use my own edo tensei when Orochimaru decides to call me out on something.

"How did you get past the barriers? You went into the village." I had to smirk at how disgruntled he sounded, he was so done with my meddling at this point.

"Oh? My clone?" As if it heard me, an explosion happens in Konoha, guess someone hit it, "I've been up here since Sakura and Sakon fought, un."

Before anymore questions could be asked, I weave hand signs and slam my hand on the ground, "Summoning jutsu: edo tensei!" Oh my Kami I just got the shonen jump collective gasp! This is amazing!

Due to unknown reasons, Madara's coffin appeared backwards, facing me and blocking him from other's views.

"Why did you summon me, Deidara?" I feel both Tobirama and Hashirama tense up upon hearing his voice.

I look up at the Uchiha, sweat dropping, "Uh… I… need help in a fight, you see Konoha is being attacked by-" I was cut off when Madara grabs my chin and violently jerks my head to the side. Exposing the part of my neck that had the curse mark.

"What is this?" Oh Kami he sounds like an overprotective dad talking to his daughter.

Sadly, I blurt out the first thing that came to mind, "A hickey, un." Time seem to stand still for everyone, even Orochimaru was giving me an odd look. I eye the snake, "What? You bite people's necks and a giant mark appears that takes forever to hide! You invented a curse hickey, un!" Orochimaru ended up spatting incoherent choking sounds.

"Oh, so it is not an actual one. Very well." Wait, when did Madara activated his sharingan?!

He releases my chin then suddenly perks up, '…Oh dear, did he sense-'

My thoughts were cut short when Madara turns 180°, smacking my face with his soft locks and kicks his coffin down, "HASHIRAMA!"

I facepalm, "You really like screaming out Hashirama's name, don't you Madara-sama, un?" That sounded wrong… so, so very wrong.

Hiruzen and Orochimaru had these expressions that read, "You've been spending time with Jiraiya or something?" While the Hokages and Madara obviously are not getting the joke.

Madara stares at me for a solid ten seconds before returning his attention to his rival, examining him. Orochimaru took this time to shove the talismen into the Hokages' skulls and they become lifeless puppets.

"I call Tobirama, un!" I shove my hands into my clay pouch, 'Okay, he uses water but is fast as hell, as long as I keep my distance and use earth jutsu I can take him on. Hiruzen can handle Orochimaru, while Madara takes his sweet ass time in fighting Hashi- why is an arm wrapped around my waist? Wait, why am I being picked up? Why is Madara carrying me away like a sack of rice?!'

"What the hell Madara?! The fights over there, un!" Hiruzen begins fighting the Hokages while Orochimaru watched me getting carried away by the infamous Uchiha.

Madara looks at me boredly, "I did not give you permission to speak to me informally. And an underpowered, mindless Hashirama is no fun, plus you'll get killed even fighting a weaker Tobirama."

I flail in his grip, "Why do you care if I die?! You're summoned now, un!*"

Madara rolls his eyes, "If I leave you in here, you'll just summon me back. It is more convenient to take you with me right away." He has a point… I would do that.

He calmly slips on his fox mask and activated Susano-o, this was actually pretty cool, as it gave us protection from the bug zapper that was the barrier.

Once outside of the barrier, the Uchiha set me down and heads off to kill some shinobi. I glare at the barrier with only one thought.

'Great, now what am I supposed to do?! Gah… where's Daiki?'

* * *

 **SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Regarding the next update, next week is my finals week and my beta will be busy. Due to the fact that I refuse to update without her at least looking it over, next update will be at its earliest, on Thursday. Depending on how things go I may not update next weekend, I cannot make any promises. Feel free to PM me if you have questions on my update schedule later this week when I provide more information.**

 **That aside, do you know how hard it is to keep track of all of these characters? Holy crap there is a lot. Next chapter will have Deidara** **handling the invasion, Madara will be doing his own thing but sticking close to him… Man, Madara is such a dad. XD**

*Based on what Kabuto told Obito about the edo tensei, since killing the user does not end the jutsu, it can be assumed that anyone unsummoned and in their coffins would be forever trapped because the jutsu user is dead. That is why Madara wants to be summoned if Deidara gets stuck in a sticky situation. If he dies and Madara is stuck in the coffin in limbo, his plans are ruined until someone upgrades the jutsu.

 **As usual, reviews are loved and I will see you next time. Don't worry, my schedule will be fixed up after my finals.**

 **Bye!**


	23. Grief

**This chapter was fun to write, the invasion in reality did not last long, but I was able to give Dei a cool moment. This chapter deals with bad pronunciations of names, grief and awkward conversations, all wrapped up with a lovely little bow.**

 **Thank you lovies for the faves, follows and review- HOLY SHIT, WHEN DID WE HIT 300 FOLLOWS?! AND 200 FAVES?! You guys are amazing! Thank you so much!**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: Thanks for the ideas XD I had to add the Hiruzen bit into this chapter! He is just so done with Deidara's chaos that he brings just by existing.**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: I'm gonna keep Sasuke's future partner a secret, in all honesty it's right in your face. But I'll keep my lips shut. I'll add some more Haku and Zabuza moments and make a side story later on them, but I can't dedicate a whole chapter to the pair.**

 **Asia1990: Don't worry hun, you're not annoying, in fact I find the reviews to be adorable! I love the energy you put into it. Tobirama-baka and Madara are so mean to Deidara sometimes XD I think it's one thing the two have in common. I used some of the suggestions you had in a the side story, but because it would be too personal on my life, I kept it to a comment. Thanks for all the love! ^.^**

 **Azaira: While I can see your perspective on how messy writing the curse mark can get, please do remember that this is no longer the original Deidara. This is an SI, and it has been stated in multiple occasions that she sees Orochimaru as a joke. As a result, the curse mark is in a way the consequence of being too comfortable in his presence. Also, the curse mark of heaven/earth do not have an incapacitation feature. They will go dormant if unused for a long period of time and when Orochimaru reactivates them (as seen in the Forest of Death with Anko), the pain renders the user motionless. He has curse marks FOR paralyzation, but not these particular marks. Personally, I also hate it when the main characters get the mark, but I chose Deidara to receive it because Orochimaru would take the gamble in hopes of killing him. The scene was written with the intent on being quick and sudden, I didn't see the enjoyment in building it up which would make it obvious. I do appreciate the feedback though, it's nice to see opinions that are different from what most say. So thanks. :)**

 **silverwolf310: It involves a lot of people changing their pants later on, that's for sure. XD**

 **VenaHope: I have plans on saving at least 2 Akatsuki members (the rest are undetermined), and Madara will know in like… the bottom of this chapter lol. Can I be honest? When I saw your review, my brain glossed over the word "killer" so I read it as "hunker down with a whole lot of weed" and I had to reread that. Made me laugh for a few minutes. XD**

 **ArmCannos34:I don't know if that was a typo or not, but Dadara is a beautiful word and I am glad you invented it.**

 **Guest: Madara is becoming fond, Dei is hard to hate, he's like a koala, once he gets attached he won't let go.**

 **duchessliz: Glad you liked the hickey bit! Also YAY! Good to know you like it, cause that pairing is here to stay. Sorry about Kabuto luv, but yeah he gets to live.**

 **Mackenzie Willow: He might at some point too, if you catch my drift. XD Dad!Madara is fun to write, with a mix of crazy on the side. And hey, Dei needed an excuse to try and join the battle, just use his age as an excuse!**

Been listing them for 21 chapters, you know when people are talking or thinking lol.

 **Warning: Language, violence, animal deaths, chewing out Jiraiya, awkward conversations, and complete geek moments.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… and for good measure I also do not own Game of Thrones, Drogon is in this, so I gotta make the disclaimer.**

* * *

While trying to sense Daiki in all of the chaos I decide to visit one of Orochimaru's bodyguards that are keeping the barrier up. Thankfully, the closes one was the only female.

"Hey Tatuya, un!" The girl ignores me, as if not understanding that I'm talking to her. Rude, granted she was a little bitch in the anime.

"Tatuya? Yoohoo, redhead, un?" Is she an Uzumaki? Granted her hair is more of a pale red instead of that fiery patch of "gah my eyes are burning" red like Kushina and Karin have. It's still pretty on her.

Finally, the girl snaps her attention to me pissed, "My name's Tayuya, you jackass! And how the fuck do you know my name?!"

My brain freezes, wait… her name's Tayuya?! I've been calling her Tatuya since I was 12 in my past life! No one bothered correcting me!

Feeling my childhood crush in on itself, "Sorry… I uh… I'm bad with… names… Um… I… MASATO, I'M HAVING A LIFE CRISIS, UN!" I bolt to Madara, face turning red as I felt like a complete idiot at the moment. Tayuya glaring daggers into my back but is momentarily shocked at seeing my curse mark.

 **3rd person POV**

Despite the fact that Hashirama and Tobirama should be fighting Hiruzen right now, no one was moving. The reason was plain and simple.

Hiruzen and Orochimaru just witnessed a 16-year-old reanimate the infamous Uchiha Madara!

Orochimaru was stumped, it took him years to not only perfect his edo tensei, but another several years to collect the DNA of the Shodai and Nidaime Hokage. How did a brat get the DNA of an Uchiha, whose body vanished off the face of the earth?!

Hiruzen was just done, straight up done. He looks at the sky in a silent prayer just before going into battle against his former student and senseis.

'Tsunade, I wish you luck. Deidara is a handful and he won't make your life easy. At least he will be on your side, he's a better friend than an enemy.'

 **Deidara's POV**

Madara was in the middle of a one-hand strangling someone when I rushed to his side, "You are too much like a mini-feminine Hashirama that it is almost concerning." He breaks the man's neck with a single twitch of his hand, before tossing the corpse to the side.

He patiently waits for me to stop looking like autumn threw up on my head before I sense a familiar heartbeat. Without another word I head into the village streets, Madara taking his sweet time following me.

Honestly, we're being invaded, and he's practically smelling flowers while death is raining on him. ( **AN: Typical Sunday morning for Madara, killing people while smelling roses along the way**.)

Sometimes I keep forgetting he's use to this.

Creating C1s, I chuck them at Oto shinobi that were surrounding Daiki. The brunette happily waves at me, nearly getting stabbed in the process, holy shit, I really do have to hover these people.

"Daiki! Focus on the enemies dammit, un!" A swift kick to the gut sent one of the Oto shinobi flying. Several were coming from both sides but I block one and Daiki the other.

"Aw come on senpai have some fun! Hey! Let me show you my special powers!" I also forgot how fast the kid talked.

I internally snort at his excitement, but nod anyway, 'Let me guess. He discovered a new shuriken jutsu? Or maybe phoenix flower jutsu? He is a fire user after all. Or is it-'

"Scorch release: Extremely Steaming Murder!"

'Wait what?' I feel my mouth drop open as Daiki creates flying orbs of mini suns that gently tap the Oto shinobi. I heard of scorch release, but considering I barely remember the war, all I could vaguely recall was some chick from Suna used it.

I watch in horror and mind interest as the bodies rapidly evaporate of all their liquids, crumbling into mummified husks. Madara kept his distance, but even I could tell behind his mask that he was impressed.

Note to self: Do not become Daiki's enemy.

The green eyed boy jumps up and down in front of me, his entire being was screaming out, "Praise me! Notice me senpai! Be impressed!" as my mind was trying to focus on anything BUT the bodies.

"I…" I gulp, while also gaining new found respect for the boy, "Good job Daiki, you'll become a jounin in no time, un."

I was soon caught in a tight hug, "Thank you senpai! I wanted to show you but I was worried I would accidentally hurt you! Seeing my jutsu meant alot to me senpai!" I can't breath.

"Y-yeah, great kid... P-please stop killing me with your hugs!" Daiki quickly set me down- wait a fucking minute why is he taller than me?! I just noticed that he was a few inches taller than me. A mini wave of depression sank in as I realized that by shippuden, I'll be shorter than the majority of the males.

Being short is going to suck.

"Where to now senpai?" I look over at Daiki. That was a very good question, I don't want to interfere with Naruto's fight, I can sense that he just summoned Gamabunta. A sharp wave of pain on my neck reminded me that Orochimaru was still alive and that my loved ones were not safe yet.

"I need to get to the hospital, Kimimaro is there, un." Before Daiki could respond, I grabbed him and leaped away just as two giant snakes destroy the building beside us, "Aw come on Orochimaru! I love snakes, and now I have to kill some?!"

"This is child's play." I give Madara an annoyed sideways glance as the man activates his mangekyou sharingan. Before I could tell him to back off, he summons his Susano-o, not his perfect one with the tengu face, just a normal one.

I am pretty sure everyone within a mile radius is either watching this thing form in awe, or pissing themselves. Very few shinobi have ever seen an Uchiha's Susano-o, even I'm having a major fangirl attack on the inside.

"If this is child's play, then be an adult and let the children have their fun, un!" Wanting to show off, I pull out Drogon from my pouch and poof him into his full size.

Remember how I said some shinobi were pissing themselves? Well, now there are some shitting themselves.

I hear Madara give a half-assed chuckle while standing by Drogon, deactivating his Susano-o, "Then show me your abilities. I do not recall ever witnessing this technique of yours before."

"That's because I'm the only shinobi alive that can do this, un! Daiki! Get off Drogon, it's gonna get messy and I don't need your guts getting in my hair!" Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I couldn't stop the grin spreading across my face. Is this what Deidara would always feel when using his masterpieces?

"Right senpai!" He leaps off as the two snakes coil themselves around Drogon.

Focusing my chakra into my feet so I don't fall off. I left the sculpture tumble and bite at the snakes, being able to rip off the head of the smaller of the two.

The bigger snake got smart, getting out of Drogon's bite range and focusing its attention on me. But the reptile seem to have forgotten one teeny tiny detail, wings.

With a powerful stroke, Drogon flew into the air, clamping its claws into the snake's body as we went higher and higher into the air. I had to grip onto the earthy scales so I didn't fall off. Using my scope, I zoom in on various locations to gauge how much longer the invasion will last.

The roof with Hiruzen and Orochimaru is like a mini forest, but otherwise stilled, it's so tinted that I can barely make out Hiruzen and Orochimaru at a standstill. Their fight is almost over, Hiruzen won't last for much longer.

Turning my head more westward, Naruto had transformed Gamabunta into the nine-tailed fox and is slowly making his climb to Gaara. Well, Panda-kun is gonna get the Headbutt of Love soon, so I can hug him later.

"Phew… things seem to be almost over, un." Of course, there is still the fact that there is a giant snake trying to eat me.

Down below, I hear Daiki call out to me, "Senpai! Kill that thing with your pop-art!" My brain froze again.

'He said the line… he said the line! Holy shit I can use the phrase! Daiki, I love you right now… as a brother.' My whole body shook with excitement as I leaped off Drogon, which made Daiki panic as I am now falling.

"Daiki! Understand this! Pop is dead. My art, is superflat, un!" I weave my signature hand sign as my creation flew higher into the air, keeping the snake in its grasps.

Fun fact about Drogon...

"KATSU!"

It's a C3.

The world went quiet for only half a second, before the air erupted into a stream of fire, spreading out into a dome like cloud of red and oranges. The force of the blast increased the speed of my falling and I quickly grabs some clay to make a bird so I could get to safety.

Or I would, if a certain Uchiha hadn't stole my thunder and caught me in the air.

"Hey gramps, I had this under control, un." I pouted at Madara who ignored me and landed onto the ground, creating a harsh crater.

"You use too much chakra when you're being flashy." Says the guy that calls everything a dance! "Battle is a form of art."

Oops, didn't mean to say that out loud.

Daiki ran up to me, about to say something when he was cut off by a raspy voice, "Kid, you okay?"

Turning my head, Haku and Zabuza were running towards us. I wave at the pair grinning like an idiot, "Hey guys, did you see my art, un?"

"See it? You couldn't miss that from outside the village. What happened?" Zabuza raises a non-existent eyebrow, also noting the masked poofy haired shinobi practically hovering me.

Haku leaves Zabuza's side and stands in front of me, "Deidara-san, are you alright? You're not injured?" His eyes become big with concern, adding more to his adorableness.

I let out an unmanly squeal and dramatically hug Haku, rubbing my cheek against his head, "Ooooh you're so sweet! Yes, I am fine, un!" Haku really should have seen this coming, I smother him everytime he is within arms reach. Though the lack of struggles indicates that the shorter teen didn't mind.

While still holding the ice muffin, I look at Zabuza, "Had any problems?" Granted that is a stupid question, his damn sword is stained red!

"Haku took care of most of the problems. We stunned the Suna but killed the Oto." Meaning Haku did the stunning and he did the killing, fair enough.

"Alright, thanks you two. The invasion is almost over so go help out any injured people please, un." I let Haku go and the two vanish back into the chaos.

"What was that about senpai?"

I look back to Daiki, softly shaking my head, "Nothing kid. Nothing, un."

I quickly head out to the hospital, what amused me was that the only ones that got in our way were Oto shinobi. In fact, I think my little artistic display scared the Suna shinobi into backing off entirely.

Reaching the room where Kimimaro was in, I knock on the door, ignoring the either unconscious or dead bodies of enemy shinobi, "Neji, open up, un."

I feel him activate his byakugan, "How do we know you are the real Dei-"

"Hun, don't play that bullshit with me. You can see my goddamn chakra, now let me see my brother before I kick your skinny ass, un." The boy wisely threw the door open. Daiki and Madara follow me into the spacious room.

Kimimaro was still asleep, and the twins were watching the fights from by the window. Sakon nod towards me, "Nice fireworks display, think you can add more color next time?"

I snort, "Only if you help me test them. How's Kimimaro?" I sit by my brothers bed, he was breathing at least.

Neji folds his arms, glaring at Daiki and Madara with skeptical eyes, "He is stable. But moving him could kill him. We've had a few people from Otogakure try to get in to collect Kimimaro… the twin's kunai should be enough explanation on what happened to them." He jabs his thumb at the smirking pair.

Understanding that I'm in a safe environment, Madara jumps out the window and proceeds to have more fun outside. We all sat there in silence, the only sound were from Kimimaro's heart monitor, and the occasional yell outside.

A familiar set of footsteps sends me to my feet, along with everyone else as they cannot feel what I feel.

Hiashi steps into the room, his facial expression visibly relaxes seeing his nephew is unharmed. Hanabi is quietly standing behind him, still giving me the stink eye because I have her sister's attention.

"Hiashi-sama, what brings you here, un?" I bow respectfully towards him while giving his daughter a cheeky grin.

The Hyuuga sighs, obviously tired from the fighting, "The invasion is over, we won."

 _A few days later_

The outcome was still the same, Naruto talk-no-jutsued Gaara's evil out and Suna surrendered while Oto fled. According to the ANBU Orochimaru lived and had his arms sealed. Gaara left before I could talk to him, but I can visit Suna whenever I wanted to.

And Hiruzen…

I calmly stood next to Naruto as the funeral took place. I kept my hair down and in a braid for this occasion, gently running my hand through my brother's spiked locks as he was unable to truly understand the situation. It began to rain as the village elders spoke out their farewells and Konohamaru's quiet sobs reached my ears.

I guess some things I cannot change no matter how I plan things out. There seemed to be a barrier around me as everyone's grief bounced away from me, I lack the ability to feel broken at a funeral. They're dead, at peace, loved ones surrounding them as everyone says their final goodbyes.

I just don't mourn in groups.

I give Kakashi a pleading look as I needed to get out of this environment. A single nod from the jounin had me silently leave the area with my head bowed low.

Everywhere I went there was nothing but grief. There was nowhere I could go that didn't have someone mourning either a lost loved one, or angrily expressing their hatred for Otogakure. The anime didn't show the magnitude of how much Hiruzen's death affected others, I'm witnessing it first hand.

I ended up finding myself on a rooftop just staring blankly at an ever-growing puddle. I focused my entire being on my breath as my body shivered from the cold rain, 'This is only the beginning in a series of deaths, I just know it… Hiruzen wanted this to happen… I just have to keep moving forward with the plan…"

Tsunade is coming home soon, I'm running out of time.

"So, you knew this was going to happen?"

I jump slightly and turn to see a serious expression plastered on Jiraiya's face. Biting my lip, I give him a timid nod before returning my attention to the puddle.

I hear the man sigh, "Look kid, lets get out of this rain. Won't do you well to get sick."

Remembering the last time I was ill I slowly got to my feet and followed him to a tea shop. The lady running it took one look at me, recognize my face from the many visits I've had there with Anko, noticed I'm dripping wet and did not hesitate to get me a towel.

I put my hair into a towel turban and quietly drank my tea as Jiraiya stared me down. Why is it that everytime I actually talk one-on-one with adults, they have to stare me down? I never lose these.

"How much do you know about me, un?"

"What do you think I know?" Oh no, I am too emotional to play that game right now. I'm 16, not 5, if you want to play it right, you'll need the sharingan to get information from me.

"Just tell me what Hiruzen told you… please, I don't think I'm mentally… all there for games…" I rest my head in my arms as Jiraiya finally sighs.

"Well…"

 _Flashback-no-jutsu_

 **3rd person POV**

"Why is an S-ranked criminal like Deidara raising Naruto, sensei?!" Jiraiya was furious. He just learned that his godson was being raised by someone who, not only completely vanished from the bingo books a few years back, but is now a jounin in Konoha.

Hiruzen gave an inward groan, he should have expected this, "Deidara has been taking care of Naruto since he was eleven and the boy was six. He waltzed into the village, was questioned and observed for a month… after that we had no issues." The nonchalant shrug of his shoulders didn't seem to calm the other man's nerves.

"None? At all?" Jiraiya was finding this all too hard to believe.

"Jiraiya… Deidara is… a special case. One that allows him to do everything he does, like bringing in Zabuza of the Seven Swordsmen, or constantly butting heads with Orochimaru." Which reminded Hiruzen that he needed to make copies of the adoption papers for the former Kiri shinobi.

"But the kid is- wait he's been doing what?!" The toad sage has been trying to track down Orochimaru for years, and this kid is just encountering his old friend? "And he has been bringing in WHO?!"

Hiruzen inhales from his pipe, "Like I said, he is a special case. He knows things."

Jiraiya snorts, "Like what? The future? That's crazy!" He laughs, only for it to quickly die down when he saw his teacher was not laughing, "... You're serious aren't you?"

The old man nods, "Very… he as more than once proven it. Surely he has mentioned a few things to you already."

There was a pause, "He mentioned Minato and Kushina… For a second, I thought he actually was related to the kid, he had the blond hair and blue eyes of the Namikaze clan." ( **AN: Making it clear here, Deidara is not related to Minato in this fic. I'm just having Jiraiya make his point.** )

Hiruzen slowly gets up from his chair and looks out the window, he can sense Deidara quickly leaving the village for something. He briefly looks back at his student, "Talk to Deidara when you can. He should explain everything… everything that I will not be around to say."

 _Flashback ends_

 **Deidara's POV**

"So, did you know that he was going to die?" Jiraiya takes a sip of his tea while I collected my thoughts.

I calmly nod, "Yes… I did, un."

"Then why weren't you there to help him? He would be alive right now if he had help." I appreciated the fact that he was not screaming in my face at the moment.

"I was but… it's…" I sigh, "Complicated… He wanted to face Orochimaru alone, I disobeyed… and one of my jutsu forced me to leave the battlefield, un."

There was a pause, "You know of a future I'm guessing? That's why you're getting involved with Naruto's and other's lives. You want to change what you know."

Finally, someone that gets it, "Yeah… I… I don't feel comfortable enough to tell you how I know everything that I do… but I promise that I will explain everything soon."

Jiraiya nods, "Understandable. The Great Toad Sage informed me that 'a child of great knowledge is changing the very timeline itself' or something of that matter. He knows a lot of things."

I perk up, 'The old toad! Maybe he has answers to why I'm here! Maybe… I'll ask him if I can't learn the truth on my own.' ( **AN: Pride over instant knowledge.** )

But it seemed as if Jiraiya wasn't done with this conversation, "Why did you get involved with Naruto? You know who he is and the dangers involved, especially considering your past record I would have thought you wouldn't care." He crosses his arms. Granted, he is just concerned for the kid, but he should have chosen his words more carefully.

I straightened my back so fast the turban flew off my head, blond hair cascading down my face and naturally covering my closed eye.

"My past record?" I place my hand on my chest, "MY past record? Well, excuse me for being the only person in this goddamn world that was willing to take him in, un! Kami forbid you failed at doing so despite being his fucking godfather." Grief and sadness for me usually channels into my anger which I close off, and Jiraiya sadly was the one to open the box.

His eyebrows narrow, "What do you mean-"

"Do you know what Naruto's life was before I showed up? Nobody would adopt him, he got kicked out of the orphanage at a young age, everyone treated him like dirt and belittled his existence! He was so hungry for love that someone that he barely knew for a few minutes," I point at myself, "was able to swoop in and raise him, un."

Jiraiya tenses up at the idea of his godson being in that situation, "I should have checked on him…"

Now, in most situations, I would have pat his shoulder and tell him not to blame himself, that it was okay.

But then again, Jiraiya is eleven years too late for that party.

"Yeah, you should have. Where the hell were you?" My voice became a low growl as I move to stand before the sage, "Where were you when Naruto was born, when Kushina-san was at her most vulnerable? Where were you when no one wanted him? He was abandoned and forced to fend for himself. Where were you, when an S-rank criminal walked into Konoha and took him in?" As if the universe was on my side, a clap of thunder and lighting struck as I slammed my hand on the table, sending the room in a temporary glaze of white light.

Jiraiya was left speechless for a moment, "I was a spy for Konoha! I was investigating Orochimaru's movements and the Akatsuki!"

"And writing that mess you call romance. You have no goddamn excuse, un. Did you know the Akatsuki has wanted me to join for years now?" I watch as he nods slightly, "What if I was a member when I first met Naruto? Hmm? I gain his trust, take him for a nice little walk outside the village… and they would have had the kyuubi without causing a single drop of blood to fall, un. That, is what you risked by being absent in his life..."

I settle back down in my seat as Jiraiya stares at me with saucer eyes, the thought of 6-year-old Naruto being killed by the Akatsuki left him stunned.

Taking a deep breath, I relax my voice, "Please understand that every action has a consequence…" I gently place a hand on the curse mark, "Naruto is my brother now, and… I can't make you do anything… but please, talk with Naruto. Tell him about his parents, un."

Jiraiya recovers from his shock, he tilts his head, "You haven't told him?"

I shake my head, "I have no right to do that. He needs to hear it from someone who knew Minato-san and Kushina-san on a personal level, un." I slump against the table slightly, exhausting myself.

The toad sage gives me a long, thoughtful look, "Alright, I want to make things right with the kid. Guess I should start with telling him the whole truth…" He has that face of someone that just remembered something, "How much do you know about the Akatsuki?" Desperate to change the subject, huh?

Without lifting my head, I pull out the Notebook of Doom, "I got enough dirt on people to bury them at least 4 feet under. The Akatsuki, it's 12 feet under, per member and I'd have some extra to build a little mound on their graves, un." I feel my hand become empty as Jiraiya snatched the book.

I watch as he breeze through the notebook, his face becoming more and more confused as the only thing he understood were my drawings. It didn't help that everything is out of order, Tenten and Kakuzu's pages are back to back where as Hidan is way near the ending with Kiba and Killer B.

"I… don't understand this language."

I take the book back, "That's because it's my code, to keep people from learning my secrets, un." I pocket the heavy book in my clay pouch.

Checking the time, I slowly rise from my seat, bowing at a 90° angle towards Jiraiya, "I apologize for my anger Jiraiya-sama. But I must excuse myself, I need to prepare dinner for Naruto, un."

I feel Jiraiya stand up and I was shocked when he pat my head, "I needed the scolding kid, so don't apologize for something that I should have heard years ago." I straighten my back to see his trademark grin on his face.

My shoulders relax, "Right… oh, when you need to find the new Hokage, I'll always be nearby when you have to find her." I leave the teashop and Jiraiya is left there wondering who I was talking about.

* * *

 **Side story #8 Madara** ( **During the timeskip after the invasion** )

Everyone was busy trying to recuperate from the sudden attack, thankfully there seemed to have been less Konoha casualties as Hiruzen informed the jounins to be on alert.

I'm no medic, nor am I useful in terms of rebuilding, the most I was incharge of was using my explosions to tear down broken buildings so they could be replaced and being sent on high paying missions. So the moment I had free time I went to the one place that I was certain no one would have the nerve to spy on me.

"Summoning jutsu: edo tensei." I calmly summon Madara just outside the Naka shrine, when he gave me a puzzled look, I motion for him to go inside, "We need to be in the room with the stone tablet. I don't want us to be overheard or interrupted, un."

Madara didn't respond, and instead walked inside and used his sharingan to take us into the stone tablet room, "What did you want to talk about?"

I tap my head, "Can your sharingan enter my memories, un?"

The Uchiha folds his arms, "Are you underestimating my abilities?"

I quickly wave my hands in front of my face, "Nononononono, Madara-sama! It's just the anime and manga never delve too deep into your ocular powers. Itachi was able to watch my memories, so I thought you could too, un."

I feel myself shrinking as Madara just stares at me, finally he reactivates his sharingan, "Sit down, I will view them myself."

I immediately obey, slowly I felt myself lose the ability to move besides blinking and breathing. I quickly throw in a warning, "Avoid the fanart, fanfiction, MMDs, and doujinshis, whatever you do, un."

He scoffed… he fucking scoffed, "Do not order me around Deidara." His eyes spin as I lose the ability to feel my body. I have a weird feeling he wasn't going to listen.

There was no clock, I had no sense of time in this room. The only movements were Madara's occasional facial change as he watches something and my own breathing. I didn't like this process, I had no idea what he was looking at. It was like walking into your bedroom, only for every fiber of your being to know someone was snooping through your things. It was unsettling.

Eventually, Madara snaps the genjutsu with a jolt of his body, and my own collapsing to the side as I violently breathed in air from the sudden freedom.

"So that was the true you… You had an older sister?"

'He really looked through my actual memories?!' I stared up at him but nods as he was processing the new information, "Besides snooping my private life, were you satisfied with what you saw, un?"

Madara pauses at the question, looking at the stone tablet, "The Moon's Eye Plan… Infinite Tsukuyomi... it was all a lie… peace was at my fingertips… that damn plant and his 'mother'..." His hand slowly trails up to rest his face in it, a deep sigh escapes his lips, "I will want to see more later. I focused on the 'end' of the supposed original timeline, staying in that genjutsu any longer would have harmed your mind and body."

I breath out a sigh of relief as I slowly got to my feet, shaky, "That's good, you can view the rest later, un." I stretched out my sore muscles, guess we've been here for a few hours with how stiff they felt. Though Madara's ever growing annoyed face caught my attention, "Madara-sama?"

He suddenly looks unamused, "Your mind organizes things in a unique process, like files… Why did I keep finding…" I could see him physically struggle with words, "Artwork and… literature? Of me and Hashirama-"

I cut him off in a total panic, "I told you not to look at the fanart and fanfiction, un!" My arms flail as my cheeks turned more and more red.

The Uchiha inhales, as if containing his anger, "Why was there so much-" I cut him off again.

"Stop talking about it! Why do you Uchiha insist on snooping?! I said to not look at it for a reason, un!" Oh kami, I could handle the situation when Itachi snooped, because he's only a couple of years older than me, so it felt normal.

This was like trying to explain to your parents that the scene in an anime you were watching was just a girl eating, and not porn because of the sounds they made.

Only this time, Madara found the yaoi.

I cover my face with my hands as I tried to stop mimicking a tomato, "Please don't ask, the Naruto community pairs you two together, in fact they pair EVERYONE together. You should see what they do with Deidara's character."

"I did." My heart stops, "So, who is the redhead-" Oh sweet jesus, you are not going to delve into this Madara!

"WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE QUESTIONS?!" I summon his coffin back and all but slam it shut on him.

"We are not done with this conversation."

"Yes we are! Ask me another time, Madara-sama!" I quickly poof the coffin away before he could break the lid open.

I didn't leave the shrine until well into the late of night, stewing my brain from the embarrassment and awkwardness of it all.

* * *

 **Dad!Madara is best Madara, I don't know why I started making him act like that, it just seemed like fun. Besides that, Jiraiya really did deserve the chewing out when you consider that he could have AT LEAST check on Naruto in secret when he visits Konoha.**

 **I can't make any promises, but do not expect an update this weekend due to scheduling and I just do not have enough time to work on it before Sunday. Updates will resume to normal this Wednesday, next chapter will have Itachi! Yay! Don't worry, I am not going on heitas! My beta would kill me if I did.**

 **As usual, reviews are loved and I will see you guys later!**

 **Bye!**


	24. Brothers

**Heya everyone! Miss me yet? I really did need that break, I had so much going on the past few days I needed to breath. Because of that, I can now focus some more time on the fic!**

 **Thank you all so much for the faves, follows and reviews. However, I will be responding somewhat out of order because something was brought to my attention, and I would like to address it right away. ^.^**

 **triazatriborinane: Hope I spelt that right. While I do see your perspective on responses, as a phone reader myself, it can be a pain to read. However, I will not be quoting reviews. Not only are some of the reviews long and cover multiple aspects of the chapter, thus making them longer than necessary… when I "quote what they are saying" as you put it… I feel like an asshole and I cringed at even doing that for you, I'm so sorry. X.x The responses are more or less for me to talk with the readers who provide any form of feedback of encouragement, and there is the option to look at the reviews after reading all the responses. However, if someone asks a question, I will paraphrase it before answering so no one has to check the review page to see what the question was. I'll also try to make the responses more clear. Sorry that I can't do quotes, but it breaks the flow and I just really do not enjoy responding like that. Thank you for the feedback though, I hope I can improve my responses for everyone! :D**

 **Sweet-Strawberry-09: I do plan on having more Akatsuki members appear in the later chapters and in side stories, soooo Madara may end up meeting a certain redhead~.**

 **Reaper: I have been super busy lately so I have yet to start Drifters, I'll get to it eventually though! :)**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: Well, I'll let my readers make their theories, but I can assure you that whoever Duckie gets paired with is either gonna make you guys really happy or really mad. XD Not like I'm gonna focus a lot on his love life though. Also, Snoop-no-jutsu… so gonna use that now.**

 **duchessliz: He'll have plenty of time to glomp Gaara eventually. I'm happy that people are responding positively to Dei scolding Jiraiya, I was always bugged that it was never addressed, but that may just be a cultural thing… Also, is it bad that I am now tempted to have Madara discover Madara x Tobirama? I think that would have a fun reaction. Let's just say there are a LOT of pairings in Dei's memories that he does not want people to see.**

 **18Dragon: Glad you liked the side-story!**

 **DarkDust27: Tell me about it. Try looking at crossover pairings, I found one with Sesshomaru from Inuyasha and Snape from Harry Potter… it's as weird as it sounds.**

 **Notsae: Madara really is the ultimate trump card, though he also has a mind of his own. So even if Dei is in a tough battle, Madara would just go, "You have no risk of death, I'm not joining in." And just sit there drinking tea. XD I don't have any plans on having Mada see Obito and Nagato anytime soon, but that is an interesting idea.**

 **VenaHope: Madara is not gonna be evil, however it will be hard to call off Obito due to Zetsu always having his ear. There are many situations that can go wrong if Deidara is not careful, and since Dei is terrified of Obito (and by extension, Zetsu) I do not think anyone is going to let him near the masked dude for a while. But Obito will be dealt with with in shippuden. :D**

 **kagewolf25: Awwww thanks, hun! I don't deserve the praises. :3**

 **ArmCannos34: Oh, so it was intentional, fun! Glad you liked the chapter and it's always fun when someone discovers yaoi for the first time. XD**

 **HitGamer22: Don't worry, I'll be making more side stories later on! While Dei studying fuinjutsu is tempting, I have no intentions of turning Dei into a woman permanently. Now, temporarily for plot reasons? Sure! I actually address this in the chapter with the reasons why it won't happen. But, might do something with fuinjutsu for the curse mark, Naruto is from the Uzumaki clan after all. :)**

 **setokayba2n: As MelonLordOfMelons put it, snoop-no-jutsu shall be used! I shall traumatize the Uchiha! Mwahahahaha! … I am so weird.**

 **Mackenzie Willow: Madara is that father figure SI!Dei never had, (I may go into detail later on, if so desired) so while he may act all embarrassed, he does appreciate Madara caring for him. Jiraiya will be sticking around more and I will dedicate some time to where Naruto learns about him being the kid's godfather and his reactions. I would just need to talk with my beta on how that would work out. :D**

 **Ladybug002: And you think Dei didn't make a mess of the situation? XD He slammed a coffin lid in Madara's FACE! Kid is so screwed next time he summons the Lord of Poofy Hair.**

 **scarlettravencrove: Glad you are liking my story!**

 **Loner Kid: I actually have not seen "Happy Death Day", I have yet to hear good things about it though... But I guess the concept is similar in a way. Like I have said before, I made this fic BECAUSE I was tired of everyone waking up as Sakura, or a main clan in Konoha. I love some of those stories don't get me wrong, but I wanted to have some fun with the idea. So, I did Deidara! I have only seen… maybe 2 other fics, and they are genderbend and discontinued… so even more reason for me to write this, and I love it because of that. ^.^**

 **crazby: Jiraiya has been needing a scolding for a while, that's for sure. Zetsu will show up in shippuden, Itachi is… literally down below lol. It is hard to juggle characters, but when shippuden rolls around, I will definitely have more room to go nuts with side stories and character introductions! Thank you for the encouragement! :D**

 **Warning: This one was… pretty tame. It is meant to be somewhat more serious. But it does have my dirty mouth, some violence, a few serious topics, talk of gambling, and Dei flipping out.**

 **Disclaimer: Still do not own Naruto, but I do own the rights to my soul! Right…? No? Okay...**

* * *

Kami forbid do I hate escort missions. The son of a daimyo had decided to stay in Konoha longer than others and paid for an escort, for some reason I got stuck with the guy. Usually, I would take my clients on one of my birds to make the travel faster, but this guy had to be in one of those stupid boxes, carried by servants.

It didn't help that the entire time, he thought I was a woman with a deep voice.

Because I wanted to keep the curse mark hidden, I started wearing a high collared black trench coat and had my clay pouches on the outside as a belt. A belt like fasten kept the neck part in place, I really just needed a high collared shirt or coat… but trench coats are just cooler. It gave me a rather feminine body shape, the damn brat flirted with me until I said I was taken.

It was a lie but… it shut him up!

I reached Konoha sighing with annoyance, "Finally, that stupid mission is done with. I need to help Naruto pack, un…" On the way back to the village, one of Jiraiya's toads informed me that he was taking my brother to go find Tsunade.

What stopped me from heading to my apartment was a bunch of familiar heartbeats and one I didn't recognize, "Huh… I thought they showed up after Naruto left… oh well, un."

I take a deep breath and leaped into some trees to find the artificial river.

 **Kakashi's POV**

'He's fast, too fast…' I'm close to blacking out as I just left Uchiha Itachi's genjutsu, my legs hitting the water with a solid thud. Asuma and Kurenai were crouched down by me with their eyes closed.

"What happened Kakashi? One moment you were telling us to close our eyes, then suddenly you collapsed!" Asuma's words caught my attention.

'It's only been a few seconds…? But it felt like days… how powerful is this kid…?' Just as my vision became hazy, a familiar voice rang out and brought me back to attention. If only barely.

"ITACHI, UN!" Oh no… I know that verbal tic anywhere. Asuma and Kurenai open their eyes as the three of us look at the Akatsuki pair, only to see a flash of yellow and black whip past us and latch itself on Itachi's arm. The kid's got a new outfit, but that ponytail gives his identity away.

"Deidara." My eyes widen as Itachi makes no move to attack Deidara, in fact, his entire body language changed. From battle ready to relaxed, all from the blond hugging his arm.

I feel myself groan. Great, Deidara is involved in this. Just great…

"Itachi, why the hell didn't you tell me that you were going to Konoha? Seriously, I would have greeted you at the gate, un." Didn't the kid have a mission though?

Asuma and Kurenai gape at how casually the teen was talking with the missing nin, actually it sounded more like scolding. Deidara never had much in the way of self-preservation.

I just sigh, 'Why am I not surprised? Wait… something seems off about the scenery… oh Kami no…' I must be close to passing out, because behind the pair is a dramatic sunset and sparkles. No one seemed to notice the twinkling lights shining around them as Deidara scolds Itachi like they were long-time friends.

Sounds were slowly buzzing in my ear, Deidara said something that made Itachi let out a smirk. I can barely hear them, but I swear, those sparkles were multiplying and some were turning into roses.

"LEAF HURRICANE!"

Oh, it's just Gai's chakra causing the effect… and there is the darkness with water hitting my face.

 **Deidara's POV**

I quickly yank Itachi away as Kisame was sent flying backwards by Gai's kick. I was so focused on the Uchiha that I didn't realize Gai was on his way.

Kisame lands on his feet and jerks his head towards Gai, "Well, who have we here?" Oh my Kami it's that scene.

"Konoha's noble, fierce animal, Might Gai!" I need to meet his dentist, his tooth just sparkled!

Kisame straightened his back, "You're Might Gai huh? Mighty stupid looking Gai." I cover my mouth to suppress a chuckle, Itachi was anything but amused. Who can blame me though? He said the best line the dub ever gave him.

"Kisame, do not underestimate that man… and besides, we must leave." Itachi shifts his attention to me, "Lead the way."

"Huh, my youthful friend, why are you latched to the Uchiha's arm?" Gai quickly grabs Kakashi before he could sink more into the water.

Ignoring Gai's question I give a quick nod to Itachi before waving to the jounins, "I got this guys! They won't cause anymore problems… I think, un." I eye Kisame warily, "Anyway, make sure no ANBU bother us please!" Without another word I grab Kisame's arm and proceed to drag him away, Itachi following. I could hear Gai avoiding Asuma and Kurenai's questions as he takes Kakashi to the hospital.

Leaping through some trees, Kisame focused his attention towards his younger partner, "Care to explain to me why I am allowing a kid to drag me somewhere, Itachi-san?" The fact he isn't trying to kill me is a miracle in itself.

"Remember the girl I kept talking about?" Wait… who said what now? I give the Uchiha a glare as he remained passive.

I could feel Kisame sweatdrop, "... Itachi-san… this is a guy dragging me." Thank you, "We need to have a long conversation on this huh?" I'll help!

"Hn… he'll explain later. Where are we heading Deidara?" I can hear Kisame exhale as Itachi dodged the question.

"Duck-kun is painting, so I need to bring you two to where he paints, un." This only furthered the Uchiha's confusion when we arrived at the compound.

I interjected his question that was threatening to spill out, "He doesn't live here… but he ran out of room for all of his art supplies. Better to use one of the houses for something rather than let them get dusty, un."

It took weeks to clean up the place and despite no one living in the compound, Sakura and the girls took it among themselves to plant some greenery around the area. Sasuke is going to inherit the land when he becomes a chunin anyway, might as well make it nicer.

The only house no one dares to enter is Sasuke's old home. We had enough respect to stay away from it.

"So this is where you grew up in Itachi-san?" Kisame looks at the empty homes with a mixture of curiosity and boredom. Despite his large appearance, he was mindful of his step and careful to avoid crushing some of Sakura and Karin's medical plants.

"Hn."

Kisame groans as Itachi avoids another question, I pat the shark man's shoulder is sympathy. We both have to deal with it.

I all but throw open the screen door to one of the houses, specifically one that smells like a paint shop mixed with a sculpting class. I feel Itachi tense behind me, as if he recognized the house… I mean, this was his clan's land, so of course he knew who lived here.

Taking off my shoes and stepping onto the new tamami flooring, I cup my hands around my mouth, "Duck-kun! I brought some friends over, un!" In the room nearby, I sense Sasuke pause his painting for half a moment.

"You know where the tea is." Before he goes back to being a wannabe Bob Ross. Hell, the two shinobi jolted when the sound of Sasuke mercilessly beating the devil out of his brush against his easel* suddenly erupted from the room he was in.

Once again, I was trying not to die of laughter as I made my way to the kitchen as the two sat at a table and awkwardly look at all of the paintings.

Sasuke painted mostly abstract, and on occasion painted realism ad landscape. A personal favorite of mine was him painting a picture of him, me, Naruto and Sakura not long after Team 7 was made. He wasn't a fan of Kakashi back then, and took every chance he had to express it.

I had him label his years in painting on the back of each canvas he finished, it was like an evolutionary chain of his psyche. At first, his paintings were dark, gritty and full of harsh brush strokes… but as the years went on, not only did the strokes become softer, but so did the colors. Ranging from moody to light colors, with the occasional dark painting during stressful days.

Though the kid was an amazing painter, he prefered sculpting, but he never kept the same shape. He would just smash it and start all over as a form of stress relief.

I allow a small sniff to escape me as the water boiled, he is so much like me when it comes to art.

I felt Itachi allow his bewilderment to escape onto his expression. He was expecting his brother to be full of hatred and despair. Someone who would try to kill him at first sight.

The painting of an uber fluffy bunny nomming on some clovers was making him question if his brother was capable of hatred.

I return to them with a tray holding four cups, gently setting down cups for the two of them and one for me, the last one was Sasuke's. Speaking of the duck, he steps out of his painting room wiping his face with a damp cloth, splatters of dry paint on his clothes.

"Deidara, who did you bri-" He drops the cloth as he stares at Itachi and Kisame, his attention focused solely on his brother.

"It's been a while… Sasuke..."

I let out a sigh as Sasuke's face contorted with rage, chidori forming on his wrist. Without a word I get up from my spot, walk to the boy as he was distracted, and swept my leg under him. Sasuke falls flat on his back and before he can get up, I promptly sat on his stomach side-saddle and pinned the arm that was using chidori.

"Mind your manners Duck-kun, un."

Sasuke growls venomously, turning his head to glare at Itachi. Upon seeing the amused expression of his brother's partner, he began struggling, pushing at my shoulder with his other arm and kicking his legs. He snaps his head towards me with the nerve to have his sharingan activated, "Get off me!" I hear the chirp of chidori start up again, aiming his free arm toward my shoulder. Oh? He plans on attacking me?

If he thinks I'm going to tolerate this kind of behavior, he must be mistaken. Using my free hand, I grip his hair and yank his head still. Like an alpha wolf disciplining an omega, I leak out my dominating aura, "Sasuke."

I can feel the other two's confusion when Sasuke's whole body goes stiff as a board. However, I have a child to scold, "Were you seriously planning on attacking me? Me, of all people? Must I remind you that we agreed that you would talk with your brother, un?" My voice had that calm tone that everyone knows is underline with an unspoken threat.

"That was before you brought that bastard here- erk!" He winces in pain when I twist my hand that gripped his hair. He quickly deactivated his sharingan, which resulted in his head being freed, "... Fine, but get off me… you're heavy."

I smirk and got off the Uchiha, who sits up and rubs his head. Tough love, but he's use my choice of discipline.

I give Itachi an apologetic smile, which he nods in response, understanding my methods of raising him. I have Sasuke sit next to me as I become a human barrier between the brothers, allowing the kid to be more comfortable.

Kisame quickly got the hint, "Well, I'm going to go explore for awhile… I will have some questions when I get back."

"Stay in the compound Kisame, your appearance will drag unwanted attention." Itachi has already made himself comfortable by unbuttoning his coat. Getting a nod of confirmation from the shark man, he leaves.

The room became quiet as Itachi and I calmly drank our tea, Sasuke was uncomfortably squirming where he sat. I let a small smile form on my lips as he is trying to keep his anger contained.

Finally, the older Uchiha broke the silence, "How much did you tell him Deidara?" Itachi tilts his head so I can see his face, as he sat on my blind side.

"I told him that the Uchiha was planning a coup, and that you were ordered to kill the clan… you also threatened the village to keep him safe. That was all I knew, un." I smoothly lie while taking another sip.

Itachi quickly understood that I'm playing ignorant and sighs, "Very well… What do you wish to know, Sasuke?"

"Tell me the truth." Sasuke gives Itachi a demanding look, "I want to know everything."

I change my seating position so I have my feet planted on the ground. I can feel everything just by sitting in the lotus position,but Sasuke is more likely to believe us as long as he sees my feet are on the ground.

At this rate I might as well use Itachi as a footrest to calm the kid's nerves.

… That is oddly tempting, Itachi didn't even blink when I began to use his lap as a footrest.

Itachi sighs, "Here is the truth…"

 _Roughly an hour later_

The whole hour was Itachi explaining and Sasuke asking questions, and by the end of it, I learned more things than I cared to know about the coup. But I could confirm that Izumi from the novels died just like in the books, and not how the anime shows it. ( **AN: Yes, I consider the light novels as canon for this fic.** )

Sasuke would occasionally look over towards me to make sure Itachi was being honest. Every time he would look at my blank face, his meaning of life was slowly chipping away.

I reach over to the boy and give him a gentle kiss on the head, "I'll leave you two alone to discuss things, un." Slowly getting up, I slip on my shoes and head out to Kisame, who was laying on a porch.

"Wanna tell me what is going on?" Kisame gives me a toothy grin as I plop down next to him.

I decided to be blunt, "I have been spending the last five years working on reuniting the brothers, un." When Kisame's eyebrows slowly raise in confusion, I took a deep breath and explained everything.

He slowly rubs his neck, "Wow, reincarnation and we are a popular T.V. show… that's both disturbing and intriguing at the same time."

Now it was my turn for my eyebrow to raise, "You are taking this rather well Kisame-san…"

He shrugs, "Considering how strange Itachi-san has been acting these past few months, I decided it's better for my own sanity to just go along with what you said… though it does explain why he referred to you as a woman when speaking to me."

I grit my teeth, "Tell me about it... Guess I deserve that for always calling him a weasel, un."

Kisame laughs, "Weasel? Good one, I'll have to use that sometime. You really do care for Itachi-san, huh?"

I feel my cheeks heat up as I look away, "He deserves a better life, un." I quickly shot down any other questions regarding Itachi.

But that didn't stop him from jabbing at a more sensitive topic, "Tell me, you use to be a girl, why don't you turn into a woman permanently? I'm sure there's a jutsu for it."

I almost responded but then I paused. In all actuality, I never thought about that, I just… adapted into this body. I look down at myself in thought as the pros and cons of the idea flew by me.

"I… think I'll stay as a man… I've adjusted to this body and… frankly I like not having to deal with a certain event that happens for women every month, un." Kisame winces, getting my hint, "I… Also have a fourth mouth on my chest… and I doubt it would go away, I'm scared to know what happens to it if I even considered the idea, un."

He pats my back, "Whatever makes you comfortable kid… Though, keep the idea in mind if you ever decide that you need it in the future."

'I'll need to snoop around Orochimaru's labs and Uzushiogakure later on…'

Kisame snaps his head in a random direction, "Oh, seems like they're done."

I turn my head to see the Uchiha brothers walking towards us, Sasuke was keeping his distance, but he seemed more relaxed. I sprung to my feet and met them halfway, "Well?"

Itachi gives me a slight nod before looking at Kisame, "Kisame… I am leaving the Akatsuki." Wow, way to be blunt.

Though the shark man didn't seem too phased by the proclamation, "I had a sneaking suspicion the moment you allowed the kid to drag us here... Before I make my decisions, hey kid!" Only Sasuke responded to that, "The blond."

Oh, me. I return to Kisame, "Yeah, un?"

Kisame leans on his Samehada and gets to my height, "... I want to know how I die."

I let a smile grace my lips, to keep Sasuke from hearing, whisper into his ear, "You were going to leave the Akatsuki after Itachi died… but Tobi revealed his true identity, making you stay. You died by killing yourself to protect Akatsuki intel against Might Gai and the Hachibi Jinchuuriki, Killer B, un."

Stepping away, all I saw was shock on Kisame's face. I watch in puzzlement as he slowly removed his ring, dropping it onto the ground, I had to quickly grab his ankle before he could crush it.

"You big idiot! What if I lied to you, un?"

Kisame tilts his head, "Considering Itachi is leaving tells me that he has your trust. Also, I can tell you can only hold back information, not lie."

I sputter, "B… But why crush the ring?! What do you have to gain by doing that, un?"

He shrugs, "I might as well leave too. Wouldn't do me any good to return without a partner and be questioned." He shrugs as if he wasn't a big deal, then proceeds to ruffle my hair which screws up my ponytail

"Arg, don't touch my hair, un!" I hide behind Itachi with a pout, Sasuke snorts by me with amusement, but he quickly runs back to the house as I give him a threatening glare, "Anyway, leaving the Akatsuki right now would be a bad idea, un. I have to leave for a few days to monitor Naruto. If you two suddenly left…"

Both Akatsuki members exchange glances, the reasoning is obvious. If they suddenly left, Naruto would be targeted by other members.

Itachi turns his head to look at me, "Very well… when should we return?"

I pause as I roughly estimate how long it took to find Tsunade, "Hm… takes the duo about 4 days to find Tsunade… and another week to master the rasengan… but it may take less time because I've helped him with chakra control, un…" I scratch my head in thought, one of results in messing with the flow of the story is that dates may screw up.

"We will return in 10 days then." Itachi picks up Kisame's ring and hands it to his partner.

I nod, "Okay, that'll work. Tell Pein that you ran into Jiraiya and was unable to capture the kyuubi because of his interference. I'll be able to meet you by the time you come back, I have to return to Konoha anyway to watch over Kimimaro, I just need to speak with Tsunade, un. Let's go back to the house to let Duck-kun know."

Sticking close to Itachi we return to the house as I fixed up my hair. I noticed Itachi kept staring at the house, so I tilt my head, "What's wrong Itachi, un?"

"This… was Shisui's house…" The nostalgia dripping from his voice was mixed with sadness and longing.

My eye widens, "Wait, really? Oh man, I'm so sorry I didn't know. Sasuke needed a place to paint and I thought it was a nice house and-" I stop my rambling when he put his hand on my shoulder.

"It's alright, he would have liked the colors. The clan never spent time on art, but he always liked to look at it on his days off." I relax at Itachi's reassurance

Of course, I was planning on avoiding anymore questions, but Sasuke decided to bring in the big guns.

"What's with the coat? I thought you hated layers." Damn this child.

"I thought a new look would suit me more, that's all, un." I fold my arms in defiance, not expecting Itachi to flash step in front of me, "What?"

"What are you hiding?"

Why is Sasuke the only Uchiha that lacks a imposing aura? I feel myself wilt as I take a step back, "Nothing! Does everyone need to get in my business when I decide to change things up, un?"

"Yes." My eye twitches as the brothers spoke in synch. Damn Uchihas…

"You're a creature of habit." Sasuke folds his arms with his face blank.

Before I could respond, I felt the coat remove itself from my person, like it wasn't completely fasten on… which it was. I forgot Itachi was one of the quickest shinobi to ever exist.

Itachi stared at the curse mark with a passive face. I don't even bother trying to cover it, he already saw it.

After what seemed like an eternity of staring, I sigh in defeat, "I got this from Orochimaru when trying to collect someone. Let my guard down, un."

"I can see that." He doesn't scold, or have any physical responses, the only signs of rage was a quicker heartbeat.

I quickly throw the coat back on, "I don't plan on using the stupid thing, my art is strong enough to where I don't need the hickey, un!"

No one spoke for a whole minute, until Kisame piped in, "Hickey?"

I roll my eye, "Orochimaru bites people's necks and a mark appears, so I call it a hickey, un."

 **Itachi's POV**

'I want to kill that man…'

 **Deidara's POV**

I shiver after feeling Itachi's kill intent, isn't he suppose to be a pacifist?!

I run the back of my neck, "Well… I guess it was the price I paid for keeping him away from Sasuke, un."

That caught the boy's attention, "What do you mean?"

I pull at my collar awkwardly, "From what I could see, it was either you get the curse mark, or I would. So I guess I took your place, un." I do not like the look in their eyes...

 **Sasuke and Itachi's POVs** ( **AN: They are thinking the same thing.** )

'I will skin him alive and burn his remains…'

 **Deidara's POV**

All I could do was sweatdrop as I felt the brother's almost thinking at the same time. It tempted me to say a silent prayer to Orochimaru, as he now has three pissed off Uchiha wanting him dead.

… Nah, too much effort.

"Can we stop talking about the curse mark? It's bad enough it reminds me every day that the asshole bit my neck, un." I subconsciously tighten the fasten on my neck, as if shielding myself.

Just as Itachi opened his mouth again, something latched on my arm, resulting in a high pitch scream to erupt from my throat.

"Wow, never had a human act like that, kero." One of Jiraiya's toads decided to get my attention by clinging to me, sadly I do not react kindly to anything fast moving and not fuzzy… spiders don't count.

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" My arm rapidly flapped in the air, trying to shake the amphibian off. Sasuke had to quickly take the toad away before it could get injured or I injure myself with the excessive arm flailing. With a whimper, I rush behind Itachi and buried my face into his back to hide not only from the toad, but from sheer embarrassment as Kisame was laughing his blue ass off.

"You didn't act like this the last time, kero." The toad stares at me unimpressed as I kept myself hidden.

"That was because you didn't go near me, un! Itachi! Stop laughing, it's not funny!" I lightly whack him on the back. Itachi kept a passive face, but the shaking of his shoulders betrayed his amusement. I let out an annoyed groan, "What is it this time!" That was more of a demand than a question.

"Jiraiya-sama is on the move with Naruto, kero. I delivered your message and he is going to train the boy the rasengan, kero." With that the toad poofs away.

"Stupid thing…" I release myself from Itachi and stands by Sasuke blushing, awkwardly coughing into my fist, "Itachi and Kisame-san will return in 10 days. Make sure to meet them here, un."

"I'll be painting," Sasuke shrugs without a care, "as long as they do not disturb me."

My eye rolls, "Yes, wouldn't want the palette knife incident to happen again, un." I smirk in a teasing way as Sasuke's face turns red.

Itachi tilts his head, "Palette knife…?"

I jab my thumb towards Sasuke, "Your little brother here, nearly killed someone with one of these, un." I pick up a palette knife that was laying on a bookshelf. Emphasizing the ridiculousness of it all by showing off how flexible it was.

"One time Deidara!" Sasuke snatches the knife from me and throws it in his painting room.

I let out a snicker, "Whatever you say, Duck-kun. I have to leave so spend some time with the girls while I'm away, un." I nod to both of the Akatsuki members and head outside. Creating a hawk, I hop onto the bird and take off to where Jiraiya and Naruto were travelling.

 _Four days later_

I kept my distance from the duo, usually staying on my bird and getting a room at an inn about an hour after they check into theirs. I didn't want Naruto to be distracted from his training. Though I was still unhappy that Jiraiya took all the money I allowed my brother to bring.

Good thing I sealed most of his allowance away back home.

From what I could tell, after the cat scene when he learns to beat up the water balloon, he ended up progressing faster than expected. At some point, he was handling it so well that I tested my luck with some casino games, disguised as a woman of course, gotta make sure I'm underestimated.

I would enter a game store with 500 ryo, and leave when I doubled what I got, not tempting fate and risk losing the money I won. After doing this about 10 times I ended up with a nice bundle of cash. Helps when you can sense the machinery and be able to play the least rigged one. When I wasn't gambling, I was training, a fair distance away from the duo.

Finally, they located Tsunade at the bar, I kept to the air until the four of them left. Tsunade truly was beautiful but terrifying in person, despite being half-drunk her aura was powerful.

Sadly, my darling baby brother can't sense auras worth shit.

I flinched when Tsunade pummeled him to the ground, only for her to become angry when Naruto tried to use the rasengan. After a brief conversation, Tsunade dangles her necklace in Naruto's face, they made their bet.

Time to get involved, leaping off my bird I shout, startling everyone, "I'll add to that bet, un!"

* * *

 **FINALLY! The Uchiha brothers have made up! Granted, it is rocky, but it's a good start. Sasuke won't just buddy-buddy Itachi overnight, even with Dei's persistent nature, but the 10 days will allow him to stew his thoughts. I wanted to make sure this scene was fleshed out in dialogue as much as possible, while also allowing Deidara to express some thoughts.**

 **So, Deidara will NOT be turned into a woman permanently. I wanted to address this as it is starting to show up in some reviews now. This is not a si!fem!Dei, but Dei will turn into a girl briefly for a very specific reason later on in the fic. I will not say what it is though. Gotta wait for that one! :P**

* Bob Ross is known for saying "beat the devil out of it" when cleaning his brush. I decided to make the reference because for some reason YouTube decided to play some of his videos while I was typing.

 **Next chapter will have Tsunade and I will start that chapter off before this one ended, but from everyone elses POV.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and updates will continue as normal!**

 **Bye!**


	25. Gamble

**Wooooooo boy! This chapter contains lots of technical stuff that required a fair bit of research. But I liked it, can't be all fun and games now can it? ... Actually considering the last third of this chapter, it can be fun and games.**

 **Thank you lovelies for all the faves, follows and reviews!**

 **Wowza48: My update schedule is going to be a little messed up due to the winter holidays, (I will be taking a break during the week of Christmas) but on average I update on Wednesdays, then on either Saturday or Sunday, depending on how fast I get it done. I will not update before Wednesday though. But keep an eye on the AN at the bottom of the page for update notices! :D**

 **Notsae: It's the natural talent of not caring about consequences and being brutally honest. XD Makes life more fun with that approach.**

 **crazby: Love you too hun! Deidara told the truth to Kisame because of the fact that he values the truth above all else. That is why he stayed in the Akatsuki after Itachi's death, because Obito revealed his face. More or less Dei wanted to nab up Kisame before Obito could, helps that Kisame is extremely loyal to Itachi!**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: Your furry comment made me laugh so much. You might like the pairing, considering I never force a pairing and instead try to make it as organic as possible. ^.^ So at the very least no one will sit there scratching their heads.**

 **VenaHope: Remember, Dei is trying to change the plot, but that doesn't stop the Akatsuki from targeting Naruto outside of Konoha. However, Pein will keep his distance anyway because Naruto has too much protection at the moment, later on it may be a different story on what the Akatsuki will do. :3**

 **Ringo1327: This is actually a rather important question. Deidara (or rather the SI) has the knowledge I had when first writing this fic. Any opinions or knowledge I get at this moment regarding the series, will not reflect onto Deidara and I will need to write a scenario to fix his opinions (Like with Karin). He does know about Boruto, however at the time of writing the first chapter, I hated the series with a burning passion. But earlier this week I had watched a few episodes with some college buddies and my opinions have changed due to that and I find the series to be okay. But, Deidara will still hate Boruto and the series as a whole because I will not change his ideals to match my current ones. He does like Mitsuki though. Really good question! :D**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: You most likely laugh because it's true, it really is just a hickey that gives you superpowers. XD**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki (x2): I bet Gai stores his genjutsu powers in his eyebrows! Also for the sexy jutsu, do you mean Hone Onna? Never thought of it that way, but that is a good visual comparison actually. Yes, I watched Hell Girl, loved it back in middle school, I even have a backpack! :D Also I ain't judging, read as much as you want hun!**

 **silverwolf310: Kisame and Anko would be an interesting pairing I have to admit, but Anko's love life won't even be touched until much much more later in the story. There are gender changing jutsus, and actually you are the closest anyone has gotten to guessing what it would be used for. Still partially incorrect though, but very close. You'll see when shippuden rolls around.**

 **Shadow-Realm-Productions: I have never seen the Deadpool trailer, nor have I ever watched Deadpool so I will have to take your word for it. Glad you liked the chapter though!**

 **duchessliz: Kisame and Zabuza will be meeting each other very soon, most likely in a side-story so it doesn't break the flow of the main story. Dei is actually not going to get involved in the Oro fight, because of Kimimaro being ill. But if they did fight, Orochimaru would just nope out in pure frustration. XD Hope you like this chapter if you want to see Konoha's reactions to Itachi!**

 **ArmCannos34: Itachi needs to work on his people skills huh? Also, I loved that I can just turn Sasuke into a little artist and no one complains about it, better than having him be a brooding jerk all the time. I tend to love stories where Sasuke doesn't take the revenge route more than the canon timeline.**

 **UseFistNotMouth: Never watched Deadpool, I'm not a fan of Marvel (I'm a DC kind of girl), I also don't rewrite scenes, only things that happen off screen. Sorry. Pretty sure someone has done a Deadpool-Naruto parody somewhere on this site that you may enjoy though. :)**

 **triazatriborinane: Dang… that is a long username. And I thought mine was a pain in the butt to write. Anyway, I like responding to my reviews because it's my way of not only thanking them, but also keeps everyone updated on what is going on. Some will ask questions that others may be thinking of, but were too shy to ask. Also, Sasuke will get the Mangekyo, just in a different way than in the original timeline, Deidara can be pretty sneaky in how he handles things. :D**

 **Mackenzie Willow: That is more or less Kisame's thought process throughout the whole thing. Just, "I am so done with this shit." XD**

 **Haou: I have already confirmed that this story is ItaDei. How does him having womanly body parts or not determine if he ended up with Itachi? This story will be having both yaoi and straight pairings (also maybe yuri, depending on how things go.) So yeah… Deidara will end up with Itachi, as a man.**

 **Warning: Swear words, violence, pain (not the character), questioning of sanity, lots of technicalities. The usual stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: Okay! I do not own Naruto, but I did use a few lines from the Netflix subbing in some scenes, most of them I edited. I still do not own them!**

* * *

 _Just before the end of the previous chapter_

 **3rd person POV**

At a pub in a town known for gambling, four shinobi sat in the corner discussing matters that flew over the other patron's heads. Sadly for them, their peaceful time eating ended rather abruptly.

"What do you mean she's suppose to be the Godaime Hokage?!" Naruto was beyond pissed, sure Deidara had explained to him that they were going on a hunt for the new Hokage. But Tsunade is not only refusing the job, but is also disrespecting everyone who was previously Hokage.

"You should teach your student some manners Jiraiya, unlike your previous student, this one seemed to be lacking in both brains and looks." Tsunade draws a full hand of cards. Smirking when Jiraiya had to explain why the Yondaime was a harsh comparison.

Naruto growls lowly, "Why do we need her?! Why not let someone who actually cares about the village run it! Like Deidara-nii, dattebayo!"

Shizune pauses, 'The missing nin? He vanished a few years back, right?' Looking between Tsunade and the loud duo in confusion.

Jiraiya sighs, "Naruto, no amount of money in the world would convince your brother to become Hokage. If he did, he'd most likely end up destroying half of the council." A sweatdrop forms on his head at the idea of the bomber running Konoha. He had to admit, the kid had charisma, but he could tell if Deidara got involved in politics it would get ugly fast.

Tsunade slowly looks up at the ceiling, "Being Hokage is a bother, no one but a fool would take it on."

Jiraiya had to move fast to stop Naruto from attacking Tsunade. Patrons nearby looked over to see a head of blond hair trying to rush over to someone hidden behind the screens.

"Naruto, we are in a pub." Jiraiya sat Naruto down so the kid was standing on the table.

"Anyone who makes fun of the old man or the yondaime, it doesn't matter if you are a woman! I'll clobber you to dust!" Naruto slams his fist into his hand, glaring at the older woman.

No one moved for a moment until Tsunade got to his level, "You have guts to confront me… let's take this outside."

Outside the pub, Jiraiya quickly noted a white hawk circling the area above them, the species is not known for living in this area. But he chose to not bring attention to it.

Tsunade raised a single finger, "Come at me with all you got. I'll only need one finger."

When Naruto charged at her, she simply poked his forehead to send the kid flying backwards, which he quickly recovered.

Tsunade places a hand on her hip, "Hey brat, answer me this. Why do you get so passionate at the mention of the title Hokage?"

Naruto smirks, "I will become Hokage one day, no matter the cost. That is my dream!" Tsunade begins to have memory flashes of both her brother and her lover having the same dream. ( **AN: I had to rewrite that 3 times to make it not sound like Dan and Nawaki were the same person… ew.** )

Naruto cups one hand over the other and a ball of chakra forms, one that was all too familiar to the adults around him. An imperfect rasengan spun around his hand as he ran towards the woman, only for her to create a long crator using only her pointer finger. This resulted in him getting stuck in the earth.

"Jiraiya! How could you teach a talentless brat the rasengan?"

"Talentless?!" Naruto grits his teeth at the woman, "Says who?!"

"Says me, you can't master a jutsu only Jiraiya and the yondaime could use.* He's just giving you false hope." Tsunade glares at Jiraiya for his choices in teaching.

Naruto slowly began to see red, he's so close to learning the jutsu, he has been training on his chakra control since he was a kid. Tsunade's words not only insult him and Jiraiya, but Deidara as well, 'No one insults my brother…'

"Give me three days, and I'll master this jutsu, dattebayo!"

Tsunade smirks, "Is that a bet?" Shizune eyes her confused.

"You bet it is, dattebayo!" The kid snickers internally at his pun.

"Fine then, I'll give you one week. If you can master the jutsu, I'll acknowledge that you have what it takes to become Hokage. I'll even throw in my necklace." Tsunade points at her necklace calmly as Shizune flips out.

Naruto folds his arms as he looks at the necklace, "That'd make a nice birthday gift for Hinata…"

Jiraiya sweatdrops, 'He doesn't understand women… yet his first thoughts on a priceless necklace is to give it to a girl for her birthday.' Clearing his throat, "Naruto, that is the Shodai Hokage's necklace, worth three mountains."

Naruto frowns at Jiraiya, "Why would I want a mountain Ero Sennin? Also, Deidara-nii would never let me have that much money dattebayo. He'd lock it away until I was 18." He then returned his attention to Tsunade.

"However, if you lose…" She holds up Naruto's fat frog wallet, "I get all the money in here."

"Gah! Gama-chan!" Naruto checks his pockets, trying to figure out when she grabbed it, but he soon smirks, "It's a bet then!"

"I'll add to that bet, un!" Everyone's heads shot up to see a figure leap off the white hawk and land besides Naruto, black trench coat billowing out.

'Must he always be so flashy?' Jiraiya facepalms as the teen stood straight to look at Tsunade.

 **Deidara's POV**

I kept my face neutral as Shizune got in a fight stance at seeing me, "Oi, Shizune-san! I haven't been a missing nin for over 5 years now, un!" As if to prove my point, I jab a thumb at my forehead protector, resulting in the woman to relax, but is still confused.

"Eh?! Deidara-nii? What are you doing here dattebayo?!" Naruto was quick to question me, while Tsunade mulled over the fact that I'm asking to join in the bet. Of course she cannot back done from a gamble.

"I was in the neighborhood and as your legal guardian, I feel as though it is my duty to help out with this wager, un." I pat my brother's head, but kept my eye on Tsunade.

Soon, the lady tilts her head, "What are you offering?"

Pulling out a personal scroll of mine, I unseal a large metal briefcase. Opening it, showing stacks upon stacks of ryo that filled the case to max capacity. This was five years worth of S-rank, A-rank and several B-rank missions that I saved up just for this occasion.

Helps when I lack a proper hobby that requires me to spend money. I spoiled my brothers until they were able to fund their own activities, and afterwards I would just make sure I had plenty of money saved up for living expenses and the rest went into the briefcase.

Tsunade and Shizune gaped at the money while I stared them down, "If Naruto is unable to master the rasengan, all of this money is yours. But if he does master it, you have to heal two people of my choosing. You will not refuse to treat them and you can only ask non-medical based questions afterwards… I am aware of your skills Tsunade-sama, I will know if you purposely do not perform at your best, un." I allowed my tone at the end to hint to her what will happen if she tried to cheat her way out of this bet.

This didn't falter the woman, in fact, she straightened herself out with a smirk, "How about this: I can see talent when it's in front of me, unlike that brat." I snicker as Naruto shouted in protest, "You will also have a week, if you can master the rasengan, I will heal these two people and cure them of whatever is wrong with them."

I raise an eyebrow, "You sure you want to make this bet, un?"

"I'm positive you cannot master this jutsu, do you want it written in blood or something?" She gloats.

I allow a sadistically cruel smirk to lay on my face, "You just lost the bet Tsunade-sama, un."

Everyone froze as a spinning ball of chakra hovered above my left hand. That time I spent training away from Naruto and Jiraiya was to master this jutsu, granted I had a head start during my missions outside of Konoha.

"Woah, how did you do that Deidara-nii?!" Naruto stares at me in awe, unaware of what was going on in my head right now.

'Holy shit this hurts! Fuck!' I kept my face blank as it felt as though the very muscles in my hand were being ripped apart. Something is either wrong with my chakra, or my palm mouth didn't appreciate the pressure the jutsu caused it.

Before it could cause damage to my hand, I slam the rasengan onto the ground, creating a round, spiral crater. Standing up, I quickly hide my hand in hopes of no one noticing it shaking almost violently, the pain was still lingering.

"The first person you heal will be my little brother, not Naruto." I had to add that as she was staring at Naruto with confusion, "Our other brother Kimimaro, who is currently in the hospital dying of an unknown disease. I doubt he will live another year at this rate, un."

Tsunade's eyes widen, "Why put your brother's health and well-being on the line?! Why didn't you just ask?!" As an older sibling herself, I can tell she thought I was being an idiot.

I scoff, "Don't get a bleeding heart on me Tsunade-sama. You wouldn't have considered it even if I got on my knees and begged you to heal him. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you said he was a lost cause." Guilt flooded her orange eyes as she realized I was right, "Besides… I only make bets when I know I have the advantage, un."

Tsunade walks away, pausing only for a moment to stare at me. I turn my attention to Jiraiya, gritting my teeth as the pain in my arm began to spread, "I'll be at the inn you two are staying at, I'm next door then I'll be gone in the morning, un."

Naruto pouts, "Aw come on Deidara-nii! You have to help me with my training, dattebayo!"

I give my brother a soft smile, "I would love to stay baby… but I have to remain by Kimimaro's side. You just make sure Tsunade goes to Konoha, un." Naruto's face lights up with excitement and determination, realizing that the bet I made would get Kimi proper treatment.

I made a beeline for the inn I was staying at and filled up the bathtub. Removing my coat I plunge my left arm into the steaming water. The water splashed onto the ground as my arm violently shook and I had to slam my forehead against the bathtub to numb the pain.

"Fuck… fucking hell… I am never using this fucking jutsu again!" This has to be because of my palm mouths. I felt a similar pain while training, but I kept ignoring the warning signs. This was my only chance to make sure Tsunade did what I wanted.

Of course she would heal Kimimaro once she was Hokage, if she could fix up Lee, Kimi would be a walk in the park. Not to mention he's a kid.

This bet was to ensure she would heal Itachi.

I was so preoccupied with my arm that I didn't notice a feminine hand being placed on my shoulder. Jolting on the spot, I twist my head, only to lock my eye with two orange eyes… how did Tsunade get in here-nevermind, she's a kunoichi.

"Let me look at your arm, kid." Tsunade tried to pull my arm out of the water, but didn't expect me to move out of the way.

"I'm not part of the deal, un." I frown, not able to trust her at this moment. She hasn't had Naruto's talk-no-jutsu yet, so for all I know this was her way of getting out of the deal.

The woman rolls her eyes and yanks my arm out of the water, effectively splashing her face, "I know that, just let me take a look, I'm a little rusty anyway…" Her hand glowed green as she hovered it over my hand, her face twisting into confusion, "You're body is incompatible with the rasengan… I suggest not using it again, you could have permanently damage your nerves and render the arm paralyzed."

I Iet out a sigh, "No need to tell me twice… I only used the jutsu to ensure my brother and another person was healed, un."

She gives me a suspicious look, "Who is the other person?"

I look away, feeling my face heat up, "You'll see… they're… well I…" I scratch my cheek slightly with my right hand, "They mean a lot to me…"

"A lover?" Oh sweet Jesus, why is every woman I meet blunt?

I wave my right hand frantically, "Nonononono! They don't see me like that and we are not in a relationship, I just care about them, un!"

Tsunade gives me a knowing smirk before releasing my left arm, the pain was gone and my arm stopped shaking, "We made a deal, even if that brother of your's loses, I'll show up the Konoha just long enough to heal the two people." She dries her face off with a towel and was about to leave before noticing the curse mark, "That's…"

'Oh! Tsunade is a chakra expert!' I sprung to my feet and pointed at it, "Can you explain why I'm alive?!" That was the most poorly worded question I have ever asked, "I mean, this curse mark only has a 10% survival rate, and I don't understand how I lived through it, un." I chose to not mention the voice that told me it wasn't my time, I wanted a… I guess a scientific reason. As scientific as chakra can get.

Tsunade's hand glows green while I quietly waited for her to examine the mark. After a few moments, she pulls away, "I cannot say for sure… but it may have to do with your yang chakra being compatible with the mark."

I pause for a moment, "Wait… but I'm an earth user, how does that make sense?"

Tsunade sighs, "Yin and Yang are chakra natures outside of the elemental cycle, certain shinobi have specific amounts of either one to help with their jutsu. The best example is my clan, Senju, our chakra is closely linked with yang. Our opposites, the Uchiha, are linked with yin. Despite you being an earth user, you have a close link with yang due to your jutsu type and kekkei genkai… your personality may also be linked with it." She smirks when I give her a glare.

I think for a moment before slowly nodding, "I remember an old friend of mine telling me about all this… earth is linked with yin…" I place my hand on the mark, "Meaning if I have yang chakra…"

"You survived because the curse mark balanced you out in both yin and yang." Tsunade places a hand on her hip, "Why do you have that mark anyway?"

"...Let's just say I am a massive thorn in Orochimaru's side and leave it at that, un." I rub my neck with a nervous chuckle. Tsunade stares at me before sighing and leaving.

I slip back on my coat after drying myself off, despite what Tsunade told me, I can't help but think that hand and its voice is what also kept me alive.

 _One week later_ ( **AN: Sorry, no battle :P** )

I stayed by Kimimaro's side the entire week, only leaving him to take care of myself and for a few other reasons. Even when the hospital wasn't allowing visitors anymore the nurses knew better than to try to kick me out.

Itachi and Kisame returned to the village three days ago, but are staying hidden in the compound to avoid unwanted attention. Thankfully, Sasuke was there to keep them occupied… I heard from the duck that Itachi accidentally spooked him mid-painting and almost stabbed his brother with a pallet knife.

I need to stop getting Sasuke pallet knives.

I only visited briefly to watch the two destroy their Akatsuki rings and to inform them of Tsunade. Though, I decided to not mention the bet and what happened afterwards.

Due to all of the tubes and wires, not only was Kimimaro unable to get up, but rarely did he have the energy to talk. By the second day, I couldn't bare the silence anymore, so I told him stories. Helps that I was such a huge bookworm and overall nerd in my past life. I was able to tell him tales of magical schools and dark wizards, people fighting with laser swords in space, and girls transforming using the power of friendship and love~.

… He didn't really enjoy the magical girl stories. I can't blame him though, they can be pretty stupid when you explain it to someone.

Tsunade walked into the hospital room by the end of the week and looked over Kimimaro. I gave her a small smile, seeing the gentle look in her eyes as she examined my brother. Naruto's talk-no-jutsu does wonders for some people.

"Hokage-sama… all of his medical records are on the end of the bed, un." She snaps her head at me in shock, not expecting me to address her so formally. She was even more surprised when I gave her a respectful bow and quietly waited for Kimi's treatment to start.

I have nothing but respect for Tsunade after she became Hokage, the things she does and the change in character was beautiful. Helps that my first introduction of her was in the Pein Invasion arc.

Tsunade examines all of the medical files with narrowed eyebrows, "This has nothing to do with genetics. I think I know what's wrong with him."

My back straightens to attention as she slowly ran her glowing hands over Kimimaro, stopping above his lungs, "His lungs… that's what causing all of these problems. Not long after the third shinobi war I noticed this infection spread in the more densely battle areas. Though this doesn't seem contagious unlike the one I know of."

I deadpan, 'He… is dying from a mutated tuberculosis? And these medical shinobi cannot detect it?' Slowly nodding, "I think I understand what's wrong… and I wouldn't be surprised if the other person has it too… or they have something much worse, and I pray it's not what I think it is."*

Tsunade nods slightly, "Yes… speaking of this person, go collect them. I should still have enough chakra to heal them, I just finished up healing Kakashi at the request of Naruto. I also need to prep another kid for surgery over the next few days."

Rock Lee… right, I've been having Sakura and Karin watch over him for Gai and make sure he doesn't overwork his training. I'll need to request that Tsunade trains the girls in medical ninjutsu later.

I had a clone collect Itachi because I didn't want to leave Kimi's side. Naruto joined in and once he saw the state Kimi was in, he quietly sat in my lap and allowed me to hold him close.

The room was silent for almost 15 minutes, when Kimimaro suddenly inhaled a large gulp of air and Tsunade stood straight as he sat up to breath.

Tsunade turns to me, smiling proudly, "Have me check on him once a week for the next few months and it should be removed permanently." She steps to the side so Naruto and I could wrap our arms around Kimimaro. Nurses that were nearby had to run in to unplug Kimi so nothing could be damaged.

"You're going to be okay, dattebayo!" Naruto clung to Kimi, tears rolling down his face, as if the stress of the world left his body.

"Otouto…? Nii-sama…?" Kimi was dazed after being unable to function for over a week, his voice was croaky from the tube being down his esophagus. Poor kid also lot quite a bit of weight too, having a pure liquid based diet. It's going to take weeks to gain his muscle mass back.

I buried my face in his hair, tears threatening to form but I held them back, "My baby… my Kimi-baby… it's okay… you can keep being a shinobi and grow up…" I kiss his head then turn to Tsunade, "Thank you… Hokage-sama…"

"Tsunade. Hokage-sama makes me seem old."

"Tsunade-sama then…" I gave her another smile as I returned to hugging my brother, having them both in my lap as I slowly rocked back and forth. After a few moment, I slowly remove myself from the boys, letting Naruto help Kimi get on his feet. I hand Tsunade the two scrolls Hiruzen gave me before the exams, quickly unsealing his will so she could read it.

She eyes it oddly, "I was informed that Hiruzen had no will."

I groan, "Knew it. Gramps gave me a copy just incase his original will suddenly 'vanished'. It was the only way to ensure that I didn't have ANBU at my door, un."

Tsunade cautiously reads it, slowly relaxing as she recognized Hiruzen's handwriting and the Hokage seal, but raised an eyebrow, "What did he mean by pardon the crimes of Uchiha Ita-"

"Deidara?" Well, speak of the Devil and he shall appear.

Standing at the entrance was Itachi and my clone, looking thoroughly confused and slightly concerned with how Tsunade was staring at him. I wonder if I should say something...

"You look like Teme, dattebayo!"

Way to point out the obvious Naruto.

* * *

 **May the timeskip be with you. Also haven't seen this in a while, huh?**

* * *

I just wanted Itachi to be healed and enjoy a nice bowl of ramen with my brothers. It was supposed to be so simple, so easy… so why?

"We will not stand allowing a murderous S-ranked shinobi in Konoha!"

Why the fuck am I stuck in a meeting with both the shinobi and civilian council regarding Itachi?!

Not long after taking Kimimaro to Neji's to be watched over, the elders caught wind of Itachi being in Konoha because of me. So now Itachi and I are standing in the center of this big U-shaped table while a bunch of old farts are screaming at both us and each other. Itachi doesn't seem to mind it, even voluntarily having his chakra sealed for this.

Though when they tried to do the same to me… I may have caused five ANBU to piss themselves.

"This is so dull…" I groan loudly to get their attention, to be honest I think the only people that are having issues are the elders and the civilian council. Hiashi is just watching this passively, and the Ino-Shika-Cho trio are secretly munching on snacks under the table. The other clan heads are waiting for Tsunade's words.

One of the men growls at me, "What is dull, you traitor?" Wow, traitor? Harsh man.

"Based on looking at your face, I'd say your sex life." I hear Tsume and several clan heads snort under their breaths as I examine my nails, "Hiruzen knew from the first month of me coming to Konoha that Itachi would be returning to the village, un."

The civilians gape at me in shock… really?

"Why is this such a shocker?" I started listing things off my fingers, "I've adopted the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, adopted the last Kaguya of Kirigakure, stole a set of twins from Orochimaru, invited one of the Seven Swordsmen and an ice user, stole a unique healer from Kusagakure…" I pause as I just noticed the council has started to stare at me in shock, along with Tsunade, "Did he honestly not tell you all of this?"

There was a unison of "NO!" from the civilians and a series of groaning "Yes…" from the shinobi.

"You have quite the history Deidara…" Itachi looks at me impressed.

I give him a cheeky grin, "Helps when Hiruzen just let me do as I please, un."

"Why should we let you continue with this?!" A woman shouts at me. They never gave me their names, so I'm struggling to keep track.

"I thought Konoha was attracted to unique kekkei genkais? Besides, it's in Hiruzen's will to clear Itachi's name due to Danzo's influence causing the massacre, un." I began randomly picking at some dead skin on the edge of my nails, seemingly ticking off the civilians even more.

Koharu pipes in, "Hiruzen had no will."

Tsunade slams Hiruzen's will on the table, "This was presented to me not long after become Hokage." The village elders glare at me, as in that span of time I had used golden clay to make a halo and now have it floating above my head. The amused Uchiha watching me doesn't help their mood. Tsunade clears her throat, "It has Sarutobi-sensei's handwriting and signed in his blood. I plan on following his dying wishes, especially since the boy has explained the truth to me."

Itachi uncomfortably shifts at the constant mention of the massacre, I gently pat his arm in comfort as a result.

The man, whose sex life I insulted, turns to Tsunade, "You cannot let this brat do as he pleases! Who knows what else he'll bring into the village!"

"I already have Hoshigaki Kisame prepared to join too, un." I love that these guys look like they're about to keel over at the fact I brought in another Seven Swordsman.

"How did you do this?!" Oh, that was Tsume, though she sounded more excited than anything else.

"I am very good at persuading people that value truth above all else, un." I saw no reason in not being both vague, but honest to Tsume. She's a badass in her own right.

I am wisely going to not mention that I have more people in mind that I want to bring into Konoha. Best to keep it all a surprise.

Once again, the civilian council turn their attention to Tsunade, another man spoke up, "Please tell us you have a solution to this mess Hokage-sama…"

Tsunade fished out the other scroll, the really fat one titled "Use when Deidara is involved" and unravels it to the point where it begins to pile on the ground.

Itachi and I exchange glances, I didn't read that one either.

She scans the massive paper, face becoming more and more frustrated as she kept unraveling it. Finally, she just stares straight on with a blank face, as if finding what she was looking for.

"It's Deidara."

Even the damn crickets went quiet, and I discovered that Itachi's back makes a really good muffler for laughter.

"Pffff… W-wait… what?" I was in near tears as I couldn't stop laughing. Heading over to Tsunade I looked at the scroll… and promptly fell back into a laugh that sounded like the Joker with the frequency of a hyena.

The scroll was completely blank, except for one single line that said, "It's Deidara."

My fucking sides hurt.

Itachi quickly went to me and slammed his hand onto my back to get me to stop laughing and to start breathing again, I think I was turning purple from the lack of oxygen. The civilian council were all leaning away from me in fear, while the shinobi council were watching this like it was your typical Sunday cartoon.

Nobody moved until Hiashi became the first brave soul to approach us and pat Itachi on the shoulder, "Welcome back to Konoha, Itachi." With that, he left. I had to smile, Hiashi knew I was bringing Itachi back, so it's not a surprise that he would accept this so quickly.

Despite the sudden protest from the civilians, the clan heads would either pat Itachi on the shoulder then leave, or ruffle my hair. Whatever amused them the most, sadly this resulted in my hair getting messed up.

I forgot the civilian council gets almost no respect despite representing the larger population… Oh well, Konoha is militaristic and they are full of whiny asshole.

Tsunade scares off the rest of the council, including the elders, before looking at us, "Deidara, is he the one you wanted me to treat?"

I nod politely after catching my breath, "Yes, Tsunade-sama, un."

Her face showered with uncertainty. But after observing Itachi, who was still kneeling beside me, she morphed into a more professional mode, "Follow me." With that she turned on her heel and headed back to the hospital.

Tsunade led us to a room and allowed Itachi in, but stopped me, "Wait here. I need to speak with the Uchiha in private." The door was then closed on my face. This room was muffled and I could only feel their footsteps.

I decided it was best not to protest, and instead I leaned against the wall with my head bowed. Quietly praying that things will be okay, and that Itachi will no longer be sick.

If the Universe could do one good thing in its existence, it's making sure Itachi lived… he deserved that at least.

* * *

 **The civilian council is fun to write, it's like Hidan, I can annoy the shit out of them with no consequences. Also, even in death Hiruzen is a troll. XD So yeah, Deidara will not be using the rasengan again, it was a one time thing to win the bet against Tsunade, but it got Kimi healed, and soon Itachi as well! Yay!**

 **That specific 2-lined timeskip will only be used if I just want a sudden change in scenery or if I am unable to think of a proper flow of time. They will rarely appear, but will always make some kind of reference.**

 **Okay, so for the yin and yang stuff, my beta and I used information from both the actual belief surrounding the symbol, and the information that the Naruto universe uses. I kept it a simple as possible, so please do not be super nitpicky about technicalities, it isn't even the real reason why Dei survived. I just wrote out this bit because Dei wanted some form of factual reason (for this world at least) as to why he is alive.**

* At this point in the series, the only known rasengan users are Jiraiya and Minato. Tsunade does not know about Kakashi being able to use the jutsu yet.

* I am using fan theories for both Kimimaro and Itachi's illnesses as neither have confirmed diseases. I added the whole mutated bit because tuberculosis is airborne, but no one has gotten sick from Kimimaro. So this is a mutated version that is like a parasite, it only has one host. Itachi has something completely different. Not going to say what until next chapter.

 **Next chapter is gonna be a real treat! Well, I think it will be a treat. For those who know what will happen next shhhhhhhhh, no spoilers.** ( **You know who you are :P** ) **I am already a third done as I had a muse struck me in October and so I wrote it out. It just needs to be updated and I need to add in a bunch of crap.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys later this week with… a rather sweet chapter.**

 **Bye!**


	26. Confession

**And now, the moment some of you have been waiting for… it's… Okay the chapter's title gives away the secret. I loved writing this chapter and how awkward it is. I'm not use to writing romance and I am honestly happy that it reflects in Dei's actions. The chapter was a little shorter than normal, but I didn't want anything overshadowing the main focus of the chapter.**

 **In the bottom AN I will include a mini Q and A that relates to this chapter. Just to make some lives easier. ^-^**

 **IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT** **after the Q and A. Please read it!**

 **Thank you all for the faves, follows and reviews! Seriously, they are morale boosters, thank you so much.**

 **VenaHope: Nice job guessing on who will be Sasori's partner! The Kazekage rescue arc will play out very similarly like in the anime at the beginning, but the ending will be different. (And no, that doesn't mean Gaara is dead, he will be very much alive by the end of the fic** )

 **707cloud: If Deidara is able to use the yin and yang jutsus, they will be done completely by accident as I do not remember what that would allow him. So he's as blind as I am in this. Also, the curse mark still functions just like with Sasuke; he is an Uchiha, so he has yin chakra and the Heaven mark has yang to balance him. So if Deidara used the mark, it would have the exact same effects as it did with Sasuke where it would slowly kill him with each use.**

 **Tawnypelt37: My beta was dying during the meeting, I could not resist adding in a troll moment from Hiruzen. It was kinda his way of getting revenge on all of the paperwork the council gave him. Lol**

 **Mackenzie Willow: Glad you found the scroll bit funny! Hope your brother wasn't too worried! XD**

 **Reaper: Aw thanks hun!**

 **ElysiumPhoenix: The reaper's belly comes with a lifetime supply of popcorn! Hiruzen, Kushina and Minato all got front row seats to watch this chaos unfold! XD**

 **Ladybug002: Thanks! Hope you like this chapter then! :D**

 **duchessliz: Itachi has the ultimate plot armor along with Kimimaro in this story, nothing shall kill them! X3**

 **Notsae: Being in charge of the world sounds troublesome… I share my birthday with Shikamaru, I have the right to sound like a Nara! XP**

 **HitGamer22: Oh man, that will be a treat. Hiruzen flips his lid going "Goddamnit! I do not want to have to deal with Deidara again!" And Orochimaru just bowing his head in understanding, because Dei is not gonna leave Snakey alone for long. Not sure when I'll bring Hiruzen back, but won't be for a LOOOONNNNGGGGG time.**

 **ArmCannos34: Dei has to be flashy at all times! Glad you laughed at the scroll bit and that you liked the chapter!**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: ... How on earth do you come up with these things dude? You are comedy gold! XD**

 **Jj: Teehee, here is the next chapter hun!**

 **himekuroyuki853: Well this chapter is more on the serious side, but it has some nice line in it too. Also YES! Even when I am not around I still cause people to get creeped out! Woohoo! :D**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Oh my god… I completely forgot about Yagura, thank you for reminding me! I'll include him in the next chapter. Completely slipped mine and my beta's mind cause… Itachi. Itachi kinda takes over our thought process for a while**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Oh trust me, that joke will remain as long as there are Hokages in Konoha. X3**

 **DoctorKnockers: Not sure if I'll pair up Jiraiya with Tsunade, but I might. It all depends on how the story goes in shippuden. I have some of the plot mapped out, but it's the little things that are still in the dark.**

" _Blah"_ \- English

 **Warning: Language, not much violence, cheesiness, awkwardness. This story now officially has a yaoi couple, if you do not like yaoi, I have been very blunt with this for the past dozen or so chapters by constantly having Dei say he likes men, so not my problem. You don't like? Then don't read, simple as that.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I bet a lot of us people with we did.**

* * *

I couldn't grasp a sense of time as I waited outside the room, on occasion a nurse or doctor would zoom past me to tend to a patient. I've also watched at least a dozen people being taken to other rooms to be tended to.

Waiting was killing me, I never liked to just sit on the sidelines and wait for things to happen. The fact that I can't even be in the same room while Tsunade worked on Itachi didn't help the constant growing stress. She also managed to pick out the one damn room I couldn't sense in! I didn't even know that was possible!

To keep mind occupied, I started to sense other things in the area. I had to remove my headband to focus, as the stress was making the thing feel tight, 'Lets see… Some broken bones on the second floor… Lee is outside… awww someone just had twins!' My thoughts were cut short when I heard the door to Itachi's room shift slightly, causing my heart rate to spike up.

Tsunade stepped out, looking absolutely exhausted, but at the same time relieved. She looks at me, "How he's lived this long is a miracle in itself, no wonder no one could cure him." She wipes her forehead of the sweat that was running down her face.

"Wait, what's wrong?" I can't see Itachi because Tsunade blocked the door.

She sighs, "He had cancer in his lungs." My heart dropped for a moment, "But… I removed all of the cells. Whatever medicine he used slowed the progress to where it was still treatable… He's going to be alright." She gives me a gentle smile and a pat on my shoulder before walking away, most likely to rest.

My already jelly legs finally gave out, making me collapse against the wall as I bury my face in my knees. " _Thank God… thank Kami… thank every bloody deity out there in the universe…_ " He's going to be okay… All I could do was express my relief in English, I felt like I could pass out right there, both my brother and Itachi were going to be okay...

A gentle tap on my head has me look up to Itachi's passive face. "Deidara we need to talk." I stood up out of confusion, with some help as my legs couldn't stop shaking and we head out to the Naka shrine.

"Itachi… Why are we here of all places, un?" I'm not sure why I felt the need to be quiet all of the sudden, but I guess I just didn't have the energy to speak louder.

"No one can overhear or interrupt our conversation." If it wasn't Itachi talking to me, I would be afraid for my safety.

Entering the secret basement with the stone tablet I wait for Itachi to speak.

"Why did you do all this?" I feel my head tilt in confusion, "You did so much to bring me to Konoha, even risking your hand to win a bet against Tsunade." He motions to the hand that I had used rasengan on, "Why?"

I grip the hand, feeling ghost pain shoot up it causing it to shake violently. "You don't get it do you…? There are people that care, un."

"Who cares about me besides Sasuke and Kisame? My clan is dead." My shoulders slack as I feel my heart getting stabbed, he never noticed…? Or is he just playing dumb?

Fuck it. "I care! Why the fuck did you think I did all of this?!" I motion to empty air, "For shits and giggles?! No! I did this because I care about you Itachi, un!"

Itachi folds his arms, "Why? Why would you care about someone like me?"

'Don't go all tsundere… don't go all tsundere… don't…' "Do I have to spell it out for you, you big idiot? I love you!" I throw my arms in the air in frustration, "Damnit Itachi! You're so socially impaired, you couldn't even notice the obvious right in front of you! I love that you are willing to put yourself on the line to protect what you care about! I love that no matter how tough things got, you kept on going! I love that you're able to see the realities in things others can't! I…"

I close my visible eye, lowering my head. Suddenly becoming shy, I hug my arm close to me as a way to become smaller, "Love that… when I'm around you, I feel safe… I can't say that about most people… just my brothers and… you..."

I sounded like a typical school girl, it's disgusting. I never had a relationship in my past life, I don't know how to confess my feelings. Now that I did I wish I had kept my mouth shut, better than risking the heartache.

Itachi doesn't say anything and that's what hurt the most, I couldn't even look at him, "Damnit Uchiha… if you're just going to reject everything I said, at least be a man and say it to me!"

Itachi walks towards me and I can't bare to open my eye, and see look of disgust probably plastered on his face. I wanted to hide in my room and never leave. I wanted to curl up in a ball and just vanish on the spot. I wanted to-

Poke

'Huh…?' I slowly open my eye and looked at what poked me, looking up I see Itachi's arm, pulling away from my forehead.

Itachi poked my forehead, and he's smiling… Not one of those Uchiha smirks, but it was that same smile that he only showed to Sasuke.

"Don't worry Deidara, I've known for quite a while now, I just wanted you to say it outloud. I didn't expect the speech though." He puts his arm down at his side as my mind proceeds to stop functioning, "I had my suspicions since our conversation at the inn, and I knew it was genuine when Tsunade told me about the bet… you've done quite a lot to prove yourself… even with the risks."

"... People always do crazy things… when they're in love…" Out of everything I could say, why the fuck did I quote Hercules?!

He lets out a breathless chuckle, "I guess so. Does this make things official then?" He develops a smirk as my body became stiff like a board.

"Eh?" Way to sound intelligent Deidara.

"Did you really think I would just let you put your heart out in front of me on a silver platter and a knife in my hand, and not at least see how this goes? Don't you agree?" He slowly began to look amused as he got close to my face.

"...Huh…?" I sound like an idiot, my brain can't form anything coherent. "But…"

He puts his forehead on mine, "The least I can do for you... For everything you have done, is give you a chance. So, Deidara, will you be my boyfriend? Or do you prefer girlfriend?" Okay, now he's just teasing at this point.

If I wasn't brain dead then, I certainly am now. All I could do was dumbly nod as I feel my face turning bright red, "Y...yes…" This was like a dream, something almost unreal.

Wait a fucking minute.

Taking a step away from the confused Uchiha I pull my bangs away from my closed eye, opening it and exposing it to natural light for the first time in five years. I could feel my pupil shrink to an unnaturally small size as my vision splits into two different forms. One brighter than the other.

But both have the same Itachi, staring back at me.

Without thinking I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck I give him a tight hug as we land to the ground with a thud. It wasn't a genjutsu, this was the real Itachi, he is actually willing to be with me.

But a thought occurred to me that made my hold on the Uchiha go slack. I slowly get off him, the pessimistic side of my brain took over, suddenly this didn't seem like a good idea.

Itachi's face goes blank, "What isn't a good idea?" I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"... Sorry… I… I tend to think of things long term…" He motions for me to go on, "Itachi, I'm a guy, un."

Itachi was now slowly raising an eyebrow, as if saying "Your point?" without having to use words.

I groan, "I'm not willing to permanently change my gender, or change any part of my body physically for anyone. You and Duck-kun are the last of your clan… excluding Obito… Wouldn't you be better off being with a woman, un?"

Itachi tilts his head slightly, "How does being with a woman connect to Sasuke and me being the last of our clan?" Is he serious right now?

"Itachi I…" I lose most of my voice, turning into more of a shameful whisper than anything else, "If we stay together long enough… I can't give you children, un."

One blink… two blinks… Itachi just sat there blinking, like his mind was slowly processing this information.

What I didn't expect was for him to chuckle, "Oh? That's what you are worried about? Deidara, you came from a world that is more technologically advanced than mine. I am fairly certain if you find the right jutsus and talk with Tsunade, you can come up with a solution."

I bow my head with a slight nod, guess that's true.

Itachi continued, "Let's not worry about that for awhile… I think it would be best if we took the time together to learn, marriage and children are things we can discuss when we are more comfortable in this relationship."

My brain stops working again, I did not mention marriage. He mentioned marriage… holy shit Itachi was thinking of marriage. ( **AN: I am mostly just teasing my beta right here. She wanted them to get married right away but I told her no. XD** )

I quickly snap out of my shock to return a smile to Itachi, "Thank you…"

He shakes his head, "Why thank me? I should be the one thanking you."

I slowly wrap my arms around his neck again in another hug. We just sat there for a few minutes when I began to softly laugh.

"My brother is going to kill you, un."

I relax when I feel his fingers run through my hair, "Hn… Sasuke won't care either way."

As much as I wanted to just sit there and enjoy this rare moment of peace and quiet, I still had my duties as an older brother. Getting off of Itachi and helping him to his feet, we exit the shrine to collect the boys.

 _That night_

I helped Kisame settle in an apartment not long after we left the shrine. Because it was so late, Zabuza was already home and eating with Haku, so I didn't want to bother them. I tried inviting Kisame over for dinner, but I guess Sasuke was complaining about Naruto almost living solely on ramen and he was curious about Ichiraku.

I ended up making a quite a lot of food due to the fact that I haven't had to make large meals in such a long time. Itachi and Sasuke were over and Kimimaro was finally home, usually whenever I made dinner lately, it would just be me, Sasuke and Naruto or just myself.

Though judging by Kimimaro's glare, he is not very pleased to see Itachi, maybe because he is sitting next to me.

Naruto decides to pop the question, "Deidara-nii, so… who is the big teme, datte-OW!" Naruto holds his head as I just whacked it, Sasuke snickers under his breath.

"Naruto, be polite and if you are going to compare him to Duck-kun, you should use his actual name." I calmly wipe my face with a napkin, "This is Itachi, Duck-kun's older brother… and… my…" I slowly began sinking in my chair when Kimimaro snapped to attention, despite the fact that he was in a weaker state right now… the kid was still pretty scary when mad.

"My… boyfriend, un."

There was some mixed reactions. Sasuke was choking on his rice, Naruto did a spite take on Sasuke, and Kimimaro broke his chopsticks. Itachi rubbed his brother's back to help, skillfully dodging the spray of spit and soda from Naruto and the chopsticks from Kimi.

"Since when, dattebayo?!"

"Nii-sama…" Kimimaro's voice was a low growl.

Panic mode activated, "Just a couple hours ago! I haven't been keeping any secrets about my relationships from you two, un!" I frantically waved my hands as Naruto calmed down, but Kimimaro was still mad, if his intense gaze on Itachi hinted anything.

Sasuke recovers from his near death experience, "O-okay… I did not see that coming… but…" He looks between me and Itachi before sighing, "Not surprising actually…" Based on the slight nod, guess he approved.

Naruto tilts his head, doing his closed eye pouty-lip expression, "You two don't look like a couple. I thought couples held hands, and kiss, and all that… lovey stuff, dattebayo."

Sasuke folds his arms, "That or they do all of the stuff you told us when giving us the talk on se- OW!" Now Sasuke was nursing a bump on his head, complimentary of my fist.

Nose in the air, I collect everyone's empty dishes and start to clean them, "We just started this relationship, I'm not going to make Itachi do anything until he is comfortable around me, un."

"I honestly don't mind." I nearly drop a plate when I heard Itachi spoke, these damn Uchiha are going to give me a heart attack, "Kissing and hand holding is a normal progress in a relationship." Oh thank Kami, I was worried he was thinking of the other thing.

What I didn't expect was for me to turn around and Itachi to just stand there, with the kids still at the table staring us down. Honestly, the only one here that wasn't amused was Kimimaro, but he never liked it when people got to close in my bubble anyway.

Itachi turns his head slightly to look at Sasuke, who motions him to go on while smirking. Great, the socially awkward genius is getting romance advice from his artistically evil little brother. Guess neither one of us know what to do in these kinds of situations, I only know stuff from books, movies and fanfictions, half of that stuff doesn't work out in real life.

Itachi moved closer to my face, never breaking eye contact with me, as if always asking for permission. His lips and mine are nearly in contact with each other...

When I suddenly put my finger to his lips and lean backwards at a 120° angle.

"Ooooohhh no, I am not going to let Duck-kun manipulate you into kissing me, especially when I know for a fact you have no romantic feelings for me yet, un." I gently pat Itachi's cheek a few times with my fingers before weaving around the stunned man to check Kimimaro.

"Nii-sama, why are you with him if he doesn't return your feelings…?" He lets me help him up from his seat. I only allowed him to stand on his own when he stopped leaning.

"We're in a learning stage… and… I'm happy, un." I sneak a glance at Itachi, who recovered from his shock and was watching this whole thing calmly, "I trust him."

I must have some kind of love in my eye, because Kimimaro's rage deflated to a small pout, "I still don't like it… but if he makes you happy…" He turns to look at Itachi, "If you harm Nii-sama in any way…"

"I have no intentions of harming your Nii-sama, he is important to me. Like Sasuke." Itachi proceeds to ruffle Sasuke's hair, making the duckling hide behind Naruto. He now evolved from a duck's butt to a chicken's butt in the span of five seconds, causing me to burst into laughter.

"H-Holy shit! I h-haven't laughed so much i-in a single day, in forever! Ow… my head…" Due to the fact I am animated when laughing, my head collided with the wall. Kimi was quick to check my skull, pleased when he saw no bumps.

Naruto was also laughing, mostly due to Sasuke's new hair-do. Sasuke was… predictably not amused as he tackled Naruto, "Shut up loser!" The two boys proceed to violently wrestle, they'll have some bruises in the morning no doubt.

I take a peek at the kitchen clock, "Looks like it's bedtime. Duck-kun, you know where your futon is, un." I nonchalantly wave at the boys as I head to my bedroom, Itachi on my tail like a lost pup, much to Kimi's annoyance. Naruto and Sasuke stopped fighting, only to start another arguement on who got dibs on the bathroom first.

"Is this a normal occurrence Dei-?" Said Uchiha was cut short when a pair of sweatpants smack his face, along with a new toothbrush.

I pull out my normal pajamas, which is just some plain blue sweats and a black tank, "You should see what it's like when the other boys are here. Talk about a nightmare, un. Bathroom is next door, I don't think I have a shirt you can use though."

Itachi raises an eyebrow, "Do you always keep new toothbrushes in your house?"

I give him a shrug, "Mine always need to be replaced so I keep extras around, un." To prove my point I have my palm mouths smile while I do the jazz hands. After a moment I stop and rub the back of my neck, "Sorry about… earlier in the kitchen, I didn't expect you to try and kiss me, un."

Itachi shakes his head slightly, "No, it's good that you stopped me. It helps us create boundaries, since neither of us have been in relationships…" He looks away slightly in thought.

"Thinking about Izumi, huh?" Itachi brings his attention back to me, "I know you keep your thoughts and emotions bottled up, but my ears are always open if you want to talk, un." I give him a kiss on the cheek before retreating to my bathroom to get ready, leaving the Uchiha once again, stunned.

'Gahhhh! I cannot believe I just did that! I am so cheesy, stupid! Stupid! Stupid!' I violently brushed my hair and teeth as I mentally beat myself down for sounding like a stupid Shoujo protagonist. Granted, I do not regret my actions, but I didn't have to be so cheesy.

Storming out of the bathroom, Itachi entered it while I went to check on the boys, "You all ready for-... aw…" I snap a couple of pictures at the adorable sight before me.

Sasuke was out cold on Naruto's bed, practically buried in my brother's plushie collection, with a peaceful expression. On Kimi's bed was Naruto and Kimimaro snuggled under the covers, using the dragon plush as a pillow. I think I died on the inside.

Covering Sasuke with a blanket and giving each boy a kiss on the forehead, I return to my room where Itachi was standing there clueless.

"You can sleep in here, I'm taking the couch, un." I have this weird peeve where I refuse to sleep in the spare futons, mostly because it freaks me out that I can smell everything. Sure, Neji and Sasuke have nice shampoo… but Neji's futon smells like lavender and Sasuke's almost always smells like some kind of paint or tomatos. All smells that I loath, at least futons are easy to wash.

That, and I got a new couch, it's comfy.

"Deidara, I am not taking your bed." Oh no, I am not going through this dance routine again.

"Your other options is to smell lavender all night or Sasuke's odd taste in food. Please don't argue Itachi, Kimimaro lost this battle when I first adopted him, un." Why do I have a feeling he's going to suggest something that will make me turn into a tsundere?

Itachi folds his arms- shit, I just realized he's shirtless, bad idea, "I'll sleep on the couch." He pauses when I emit a growl, "Or… We can share the futon and get use to each other."

'Does not compute.' I slam the door shut on Itachi and instantly make myself comfy on the couch, "Idiot, asking me something like that, un." It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

 _Later that night_

I am having a weird sense of deja vu. I woke up in the middle of the night to find myself in my futon, except this time there's an extra source of heat holding me.

Shifting around I realized that not only has Itachi moved me back to my room, but I'm being used as a teddy bear. I'm practically laying on the guy, while he's snoozing away with the sweetest expression on his face.

I tried moving, only to be stuck in a vice grip which pinned my arms between our chests as I had attempted to push away. Crap, he rolled to his side.

All I could do was just deal with this, I don't have the heart to wake Itachi up, he looks exhausted… but we are definitely going to work on sleeping positions if we are going to share a bed. I may love snuggling...

But I do not like being the teddy bear, he can be the teddy weasel.

I let out a gentle sigh and look up at my sleeping boyfriend… that's a new word to use… "boyfriend" … the more I use it, the more I like it. Nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck I relax myself enough to fall back asleep.

"Night Itachi…"

…

Yeah we need to work on sleeping positions.

* * *

 **I loved how this chapter worked out. Neither Dei nor Itachi know what to do in a relationship, so they will learn and grow closer to each other as a result. Also it's just cute how the two are trying but something goes wrong.**

 **The following bit are some questions you guys may have gotten while reading this. If you do ask I'll answer anyway, but this at least helps lower some confusion.**

Q: Why doesn't Itachi love Deidara back?

A: Itachi doesn't really know what he feels. The last time he felt something for someone else, that was Izumi and he had to kill her with the rest of the clan. He doesn't know how to love anyone besides Sasuke and those that are dead.

Q: If he doesn't love Deidara back, why did Itachi agree to be in a relationship?

A: Again, he does not know what to feel. He is willing to give the guy a chance and is going to try to make it work because he knows that something may blossom. Besides, women are scary. XD

Q: Will they get married?

A: Yes! :D

Q: When will they get married?

A: Sometime during the timeskip.

Q: Why didn't they get married right away?

A: Hush beta, the answer is still no. :P

Q: Will they have children?

A: Yes.

Q: When will they have children?

A: Not going to tell.

Q: Will Deidara become pregnant with Itachi's child?

A: For both female Dei and male Dei the answer is "No". Dei won't be pregnant and there will be no Mpreg in this story either.

Q: How will they have kids then? Adoption?

A: No adoption, I will explain it when it happens. Best to save the surprise of it all for later. That or if someone guesses correctly, I'll spill the beans.

Q: Why is Deidara uncomfortable snuggling by Itachi? He's snuggled with his brothers plenty of times.

A: There was no intimacy, they're his brothers. Itachi is his boyfriend, shirtless, and guess how close their hips are to each other.

Q: Will there be more yaoi couples? Like SasuNaru! Also what about yuri?

A: KimiNeji/NejiKimi is confirmed. No SasuNaru but I will tease you all on that. As for yuri, I have some ideas but nothing set in stone. But the majority of the pairings in this fic are straight pairings.

And now for the fun questions:

Q: Will there be a lemon? :D

A: No. :/

Q: If I offered to write you a lemon, would you accept it?

A: No. Thank you, but no. ._.

Q: Why do you not want a lemon?! D:

A: My story is rated T. Deidara will happily talk about all the times he has had a lemon moment with Itachi, but what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom. Also my beta and I do not want to read that to each other. We like lemons, but no way do we want to write a lemon then say the stuff out loud.

 **Hope those cleared up most of the basics! Next chapter is also another important chapter… besides having Yagura in it. Some very special people will appear in it.**

 **IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! :** I cannot promise a new chapter for Saturday/Sunday and I WILL NOT be posting on the week of Christmas. If you have any questions PLEASE PM me, I WILL respond. I am **NOT** going on hiatus, I am celebrating Christmas with my family. Updates will most definitely resume on the weekend after Christmas around New Year's.

 **As always my beautiful readers, reviews are loved, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday, whichever one you celebrate. Be safe and have a Happy New Year!**

 **Bye!**


	27. Closure

**Hey everyone! Hope you all had a nice holiday, I know I did! As a result I ended up writing… well, this. It's way longer than usual, but so much was said and done in this chapter that I could not ignore… also Yagura… I added Yagura into this. This chapter explains a lot about Deidara and has a one time appearance from a very important person. This was suppose to be posted on Saturday... but I decided to post it a day early! Enjoy!**

 **Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews, I love all of the support you guys give me and help with the motivation for this fic.**

 **VenaHope: I will have Madara and Anko's reactions + a few other characters to Itachi and Dei's relationship in the next couple of chapters. I have a feeling they will be fun. :3**

 **crazby: Hope you had a nice Christmas! Keeping Naruto in the dark would have been hard, with Kimimaro being an overprotective brother and all. But just wait until he learns a few… interesting things in shippuden.**

 **cassianaswindell123: Surrogate mom is the correct guess, specifically gestational surrogacy. The beauty of jutsus and science, anything is possible! Any other details I will keep in the dark until it is time to mention it (meaning, in the next few chapters) :D**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: I will have to make a scene where everyone prepares a date for them. Doubt the two love birds would go on a date on their own at first anyway. I can imagine everyone plans it and they have to distract Kimimaro so he doesn't lose his shit. XD Also no clay baby, that would be freaky, the Prinny already scares me and my beta.**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: This made me laugh lol. Madara in all honesty would most likely handle the whole thing in a more mature fashion… until the hickeys start popping up, THEN he's gonna have some issues. Don't worry about reviewing or not hun, make sure you get plenty of rest before you do anything else. :3**

 **ladybug002: I'm glad you liked it!**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Happy Holidays! Oddly I think Shino had more screen time than Yagura the entire anime, yet Yagura had one of the biggest impacts to the anime with the whole Bloody Mist fiasco. Weird how that turns out.**

 **Zeuseus: Yay! I'm glad you like my version of yaoi, I tend to keep things as realistic as possible, so nothing is going to jump to lovey dovey right away.**

 **ArmCannos34: YES! IT HAS BEEN SAILED! FINALLY! Do you know how hard it was to make the slow progression to that point?! It was like reading Inuyasha knowing that they would be married by the end! Just pure torture! X-X**

 **RoofSCat: Hope you had a nice Christmas! Yeah, I could never find an SI!Deidara before… so I made this. I will keep my lips sealed on Sasori, unless it's a guess I do not speak of any spoilers. And even if you did guess I would only answer it in a PM if you got it right. Gotta keep you lovelies on your toes! :P**

 **himekuroyuki853: I don't tend to enjoy keeping to one type of trend for so long, even serious moments have humor and vice versa. It keeps the story more engaging if you ask me. But sometimes I have to break my own rules for the sake of the plot. Like in this chapter.**

 **silverwolf310: Not sure what to do with the twins actually in terms of romance, they were someone that was not originally planned to be in this story at first. But regarding Sai, he will show up after the Kazekage rescue arc like in the anime. Not even Deidara has had the chance to meet him because of Sai's ANBU status keeping him busy.**

 **avaiaal: Sleep is important hun! But I am happy you like my story enough to read it! :D**

 **UseFistNotMouth: I'm gonna be honest with you, I thought about what you said with Itachi having hickies and I nearly fell over laughing. Deidara will have fun leaving his marks if you know what I mean. ;) Also Naruto Pairings are weird in general, have you tried exploring the crack pairing section? It's a complete mess.**

 **HitGamer22: Happy belated birthday! Glad that I had some decent timing! :D**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Okay, hun, stop changing your dang username, this is the third one already. XD And Karin x Sakura…? No… oh Kami no. Nope. Nope nope nope nope. Do not like the images that gives me. X_x I still don't like either girl and this does not make a good combo. Karin and Sakura will have different love interests definitely.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: I was looking up fan theories for Itachi and a lot of them pointed to lung cancer because of all the blood and his symptoms. This was one of my favorite chapters to write, besides the Madara and hot springs ones of course. I just had fun making it a big pile of cheese! I have already confirmed that NaruHina was a thing a LOOOONNNNGGGG time ago, I just have not said who Sasuke will be with because… well mostly because I can. Also nope, that is not how the kid will be brought into the world. Deidara is keeping the kid far away from he labs as he possibly can.**

 **bookdragonslayer: I'm glad that you like the idea of KimiNeji, I thought the pairing would be cute.**

 **Love Stories00: I already answered these, but no, Dei will remain a male permanently, but gender swapping for a period of time is planned. And no, there are no other people like the SI. You have a nice day too! :D**

 **Maxine: I wish you good luck in writing your own fic! Write something that YOU want to read, not what is popular at the time. Like my story, I wrote it BECAUSE I wanted an SI!Deidara fic and I put my heart and soul into making this. So have fun with it! :) Also yes, it is a running gag that Sasuke's hair looks like a duck's ass. So I call him Duck-kun affectionately.**

 **Bcp2005: I'm glad you are enjoying the story!**

* - Explanation on bottom

 **Warning: Swearing, complications, lots of explaining, disrespect for leadership authorities, my beta is in this chapter (yes she gets her own warning), and incase you skipped last chapter: This is a yaoi!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But I did buy the ps4 game! :D It's enjoyable!**

* * *

The next three days were spent purely figuring out how our relationship would function. One of the biggest rules we agreed on is that we would not display any form of affection in public. We decided to do this because the less people that know we are a couple, the better. We are still a work in progress, but it seems to be functioning just fine. ( **AN: I will delve more into this later in the next couple chapters.** ) I also learned that Itachi is a natural cuddler, and I am enjoying every second of it!

Standing in front of an annoyed Tsunade was not something I was expecting to deal with on the fourth day.

"You have yet to depart for Kirigakure. I received a letter from the Mizukage to speak with you, he does not seem pleased with your negligence… somehow I am not surprised." Tsunade rubs the bridge of her nose with a sigh.

"Nope, Yagura can kiss my ass for all I care, un." I calmly ignore everyone's odd stares at me, "But now that my schedule is clear, I guess I can visit."

"Deidara, you should be respectful to the Mizukage." Itachi attempted to correct my manners, but only half-heartedly as he also knew the truth behind Yagura, "I'll go with you, I don't believe you going alone would be a good idea."

I shrug, "Alright Itachi." While collecting the permission slip to travel to Kirigakure. Normally I wouldn't care about travel papers, I just show up, do my business then leave. However, Haku, Zabuza and now Kisame are involved in this, so I want to minimize any reason for Yagura to try to have my behavior be related to his demands for the three.

Due to the fact that it would seem completely unprofessional to arrive to Kiri for political business on a chocobo, I decides to go for a more… practical approach. One that will both display professionalism and militaristic strength.

"We are not going to Kirigakure on your C2 dragon, please make a bird."

My boyfriend is such a buzzkill.

 _A few hours later_

I decided to have us go via chocobo anyway, it's faster, harder to track and it tramples everything in its path.

"Deidara this is not what I meant by a bird."

Also it was hilarious to see Itachi break from his usual blank face to one of ultimate panic when I had the clay creature go at top speed. He hasn't stopped his vice grip on my torso even after going to a gentle trot when we entered the village. It was oddly satisfying to break his shell, even for just a moment.

A Kiri shinobi greeted us at the entrance of the village, obviously wary and distrustful of my kekkei genkai… and the Uchiha behind me wasn't helping anything either. The man clears his throat, "State your business Konoha shinobi."

I unlatch Itachi's arms from my torso and jump off the impressive bird, and landing in front of the much, much more taller male. My face morphs into one of rage, "Excuse me? Did Mizukage-sama forget to inform you gatekeepers of my arrival? Huh?!"

The guy became flustered with enragement, "Don't talk down on me child! Tell me what your business is!" He leans away when I wave the papers in my hand.

"Oh no, I will not be ordered by a mere chunin! I am Deidara of Konohagakure and Mizukage-sama demanded MY audience. You are wasting not only MY TIME but your LEADER'S time by standing here playing guard dog when you're nothing more than a pup off his leash!" I grab the now paling man by the collar of his top, "Do you understand the importance of time? Yes? Then take me to Mizukage-sama!" I all but throw the man away as I lead the bird to the Mizukage's building.

"You know how to get things done." I gently pat Itachi's leg in thanks, the Kiri shinobi's face slowly grows more red, but otherwise said nothing.

Helping Itachi off the chocobo like the pretty pretty princess he was, we head into Yagura's office… there are a lot of ANBU, and I can sense someone on the roof, but it doesn't feel like an ANBU. The shrimp was lounging on a long sofa, his flowered hook-type weapon at his side, determined eyes that otherwise remind me of a cocky brat… ironic that he is twice my age.

I don't know much about Yagura, besides being under the control of Obito, being the sanbi jinchuuriki, and was killed by Mei sometime in shippuden… not much information has stayed in my mind.

Though, a single glance from Itachi confirms that he is somewhat in control of his mind and body right now. I guess Obito isn't in actual control, but is just influencing Yagura.*

Yagura glances at Itachi, looking somewhat peeved, "You brought a member of the Akatsuki here? Does Konoha want to start a war with Kirigakure?"

I place a hand on my hip, "He is here for my own protection. Itachi was a spy for Konoha and played his role flawlessly, now he is back home and has come with me to ensure that I return safely… as I am made aware, Mizukage-sama… your land is in a civil war with an intolerance for kekkei genkais, un."

The shorter man stares at Itachi for the longest time, I guess he holds grudges, "Very well. But I will only be speaking with you."

Letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding, I politely sit in the chair across from the couch. Itachi was staring at me with mild shock as I kept my posture straight, and my face neutral.

"I am here because of Momochi Zabuza, Yuki Haku and Hoshigaki Kisame, correct?" I tilt my head with a single blink.

"Straight down to business I see. Yes, more specifically the two Seven Swordsmen, I could care less about the ice user. He would be killed either way." I clench the fabric of my pant leg to stay calm as he continued, "I want them returned to this village to face their punishments, their swords included."

I pretend to think a about this, until I smirk, "I am sorry Mizukage-sama, I must decline. You see, those two now belong to Konoha… more specifically, they are mine, un." I hate referring to my friends in such a way, especially Zabuza, who I have grown close with along with Haku. But I will not allow this punk-ass turtle soup to take them away when I already punched Death in the face to get them. ( **AN: I actually like Yagura, but this is politics and Dei has people to protect.** )

Yagura was, understandably unamused, "Your's? Two missing nin who abandoned their village? How did you convince them to follow you?"

I feel Itachi squeeze my shoulder to calm me down. Based on how tense the ANBU have gotten I must have released my kill intent. I'm not comfortable in this situation, I hate political talk and I don't know Yagura. I cannot puppet a puppet.

I grit my teeth, "Simple really, I offered them better lives than what they had. Kisame only just recently joined the village due to his loyalty to the Uchiha squeezing my shoulder. He still needs to prove himself… but Zabuza has done nothing wrong in the last few months. He's already proven himself by defending Konoha when Orochimaru attacked. For those reasons I cannot allow you to take those two to do as you please, un."

A smirk played his lips, "And what will you do if I say that I will announce war on Konoha for harboring S-ranked criminals? Several that have attempted to assassinate me."

And he lost this game, he lost the moment he displayed his fear for me by having ANBU within my line of sight.

"I would call your bluff. You're in a civil war, the 'Bloody Mist' as many call it. You declare war, and not only would you lose, but people will tear you down from your position as Mizukage…" I lean into the chair, "Need I remind you that Konoha now has Tsunade of the legendary sannin as Hokage now? Do you really want to risk what little stability you have right now, for two men?"

Everything in the room stayed still, it was as if everyone summoned a scale in their head to weigh the options. Of course they can see how stupid the war would be, I am almost tempted to demonstrate my own abilities to scare Yagura into agreeing.

That didn't seem needed as he chuckled, "You are quite good at this game. No, a war would be pointless for those two… so, here is how this will turn out. Both swordsmen are forbidden from entering the Land of Water, if they do, they will be killed on sight. And if they die I want their swords returned here."

I shrug, "Fair enough, un." Okay, now that shocked every Kiri shinobi in the room, it always brightens my mood when I stump people. I had no reason to argue with those demands… and since this shrimp is going to die in the next few years, I just need to not piss of Mei… Meaning I need to not reference marriage at all.

It's not like Zabuza or Kisame will die anytime soon anyway, if they did… oh hell no, those swords stay with me until I find their other owners.

I get up and bow lowly to Yagura, "If that is all Mizukage-sama, I have business to attend to, please send a letter to Tsunade-sama on the matter. Itachi, come, un." I straighten myself out and briskly walked out of the room with Itachi following.

"Are you okay Deidara…?" Itachi stays by my side as I make a hawk to fly on.

"I want to leave this village… I feel like I'm going to throw up…" The moment we had entered the office, I had focused all of my sensing skills around the village for traps, or ambuses...and I got more than I bargained for.

There was so much going on in this village that reminded me too much of the warzones back in my past life. It didn't help that I came during one of Kiri's graduation days. I did not need to sense children slaughtering each other, some younger than eleven.

Before I could toss the bird onto the ground, a hand places itself on my shoulder, "Let me escort you outside the village… it would be best if you do not flaunt your kekkei genkai during such a sensitive time."

Itachi and I turn our attention to face… wow that's a coincidence, it's Terumi Mei*. I nod before walking with her to the gates, clinging to Itachi's arm as I became more anxious the longer we stayed here.

"I'm sorry you had to come here during… these bad times, but please do not think ill of the people here." Mei motions to the village in general, "We do not have much of a say in things…"

"Of course not ma'am… it's Yagura that needs to be dealt with, un."

She gives me a baffled expression, "He's the strongest shinobi in the village, so he became the Mizukage."

I roll my eye, "Oh please, that shrimp? Without the sanbi, yes I know he's the jinchuriki it's not that hard to tell," I give her a pointed look, "Anyone with a kekkei genkai or hell, earth jutsu, could take him on. I could take him on right now, easily, un." I don't mean to boast at all… Okay maybe a little, but Yagura would be particles in the air if I did want him dead.

I must say, I did like the glint in her eyes.

Outside the gate, I allowed the bird to poof to a rideable size and hopped on.

Itachi bowed to Mei, "Thank you for escorting us out."

Mei places the tips of her fingers over her mouth to giggle, "My… aren't you handsome. You take good care of your lover, okay?" That made both of us froze with red faces, "Don't act surprised, I can see the love in your eyes for each other. I hope to work with you two again, my name is Mei!"

I nod, "Yes Mei-neechan!" That made her glow with glee as I used an honorific that made her sound younger. Once Itachi was on the bird we took off back to Konoha.

 **3rd person POV**

Mei waved goodbye to the two teens until they were out of sight, "Ao… you can come out now."

The eye patched shinobi appears besides her, "What do you think?" He looks at the sky, barely seeing the white dot of the bird in the distance.

Mei pauses, staring at the spot that the couple were, "Kekkei genkai huh…? I wonder…" She turns at her heel to return to her duties, "Come on Ao… I have some things I need to do." Yagura has done nothing but cause suffering to the village, it was time to stop it all.

 **Dei's POV**

I think I accidentally inspired Mei to overthrow Yagura earlier than planned. Not sure how, but my gut is telling me to prepare for more letters.

Itachi eyes me, "Are you feeling better?" This caused me to smile, I love that he cares enough to check on me. What Mei said about him made me think that he actually felt love… but I will wait for him to say it himself.

I nod slightly, "Yeah… I'm just… a little tired, un." I rest my head on his shoulder, "Wake me up when we get to Konoha…" Dreamland took over me once again.

 _Undisclosed amount of time later_

Based on the fact that I found myself in another dark hallway indicates that Itachi never woke me up. I vaguely remember waking up a few times, only for my eyelids to reject light and slam shut again. Something is keeping me asleep.

I take slow cautious steps down the hallway, looking around for some kind of decoration or sign of life… none, it was as if my brain thought that black marble would make a beautiful architectural choice. At least it made sound, but even that made me more paranoid. It felt like those survival horror games, one that almost promised a scare just by turning around.

"Why do my dreams always have to be in dark areas?" What felt like a few minutes of walking, I come across a dark door with a faint glow around the brim, open slightly ajar. I pause in front of it, the last time I went nearby something that glowed in my head, I nearly died for a second time.

I poke at the door, instantly leaping away expecting it to shock me or cause something to happen. The door only slowly opened with a tired squeak, revealing a rather modern room.

The room was painted with a pleasant slate color with glossy grey wood floor. A white carpet complimented the dark colors with a white couch and armchair… and that was about as normal as the room was. The rest was like a nerd just got back from both comic con and several anime conventions, the majority being Naruto merchandise, after winning the lottery. ( **AN: I'll leave the rest to your guys' imagination, everyone sees these kinds of rooms differently.** )

I give a soft whistle, admiring a random Itachi plushie and giving it a quick hug, "Damn, wish I had a room like this in my past life." I noticed that I didn't have my verbal tic in my head, not that I minded, it was a nice change.

"I never realized how annoying that verbal tic would be until I had to listen to someone talk like me for 5 years, un." Out of shock I throw the Itachi plush, causing it to smack into the ceiling and land somewhere randomly on the ground. Twisting my body, I swung my leg up with the intent to kick the owner of the voice aside, but I didn't expect the hand to grab my ankle.

"You're fast, but you need to work on your taijutsu more if you want to be on equal… footing with me, un." The voice chuckles as I focus my attention on the hand holding my ankle.

Slowly, my eyes trail up, to land on two sets of stitches and discolored skin making up the elbow, 'Impossible… the only person that has an arm like that is…' I snap my head towards the person, and I nearly felt myself faint from shock.

"Are you always this slow or is the idea of me living in your head this unbelievable, un?" In front of me was Deidara… the real Deidara. He was giving me his iconic smirk as he lifted my leg up even more, causing my balance to lose me and I tumble backwards onto the sofa, "Bet you have some questions huh?"

"I…" My mouth felt like it was full of cotton, I couldn't speak, 'Why is he in my head..?'

"Good question." There was a pause as I asked another question mentally, "Yes, I can hear your thoughts, we are in your mind after all. No, this isn't a dream… think of this like a jinchuriki, except instead of a massive turtle or tanuki, you have me, un."

Well, I'm not complaining.

"Good." He gives me an asshole grin when I glared at him for poking into my head, "Sorry, sorry, no need to be all pissy. I'm just messing with you. Anyway, I already answered the first question, keep it up, un."

My mind goes blank, suddenly it was as if someone pressed the power button on my brain. I couldn't speak, move or think.

Deidara tilts his head, "How's my body?"

Without missing a beat, "It was a little tight and your hair felt like rope at first, but a few explosions and showers fixed it up." I feel my body push itself up and my lips curling into a smirk. For some reason talking to Deidara comes naturally, almost like a brother.

He sighs, "Well, at least the shock hasn't killed you… man seeing my own face make such idiotic expressions is killing my pride. Are you able to ask questions now, un?" He crosses his arms, impatiently staring me down as I get myself into a seating position.

I had to think about this, which seemed to irritate the bomber, but then one very noticeable fact caught my attention, "Wait… I took over your body when you were 11, why am I staring at your shippuden self?"

"Ah ha! She asks one of two important questions, at least you're not like that dumbass Tobi!" Deidara nods in triumph, "It's because I am the Deidara from what you would call the 'original timeline', the same one who captured the ichibi and…" He growls to himself, "Used my ultimate art to kill Uchiha Sasuke.. Or at least tried to, un."

I tilt my head, "I don't follow… how…?"

"There is a correct question that will allow me to answer everything all at once. Come on, you hate the guessing games, un." Deidara encourages me to push my mind.

Finally, it kicked in, "Why am I in your body? Why, out of millions that die everyday in my old world, am I in the world of my favorite anime, and in the body of my favorite character?"

Deidara's face broke into a beaming smile, I think I'm stroking his ego, "There you go." He plops into the armchair, "The old man, the Sage of Six Paths, didn't like how the original timeline passed. You see, he was curious to know what would happen if just one person thought differently than before, un."

I nod slowly, starting to put together what was going on.

He continued, "He used some freaky jutsu to revert time, back to just before the kyuubi brat was born. Wiped everyone's memories and abilities of the original time clean, no amount of jutsu could return what they originally had, and went soul hunting. The Sage told me that he knew of your world, and decided to put one that died into the body of one of the… I guess you would say 'main characters' like Hakate or that pink haired kid, un."

That caught my attention, "You're not a main character. At all. So why am I in your body and not… dare I say it, Sakura's? Or anyone else for that matter?"

He pauses, then his face collides softly with his hand, "For some reason you 'Naruto fans' are like cockroaches, it took the guy ages to even collect a few of you to examine your lives, un. Sadly, all of the ones he found either knew too little, had too many fears for changes… or knew a lot, but cared too little for the anime. In other words: No one fit his requirement. At some point he decided to take a gamble. The next person with a high level of knowledge of this world that dies… would be put in the body of their favorite character, un."

"Let me guess, I died right as soon as he said that." I deadpanned as he nodded. Great, of course I happened to get the chance of a lifetime based on someone losing their patience… but… it's nice to know that I'm not here because of Kaguya, "You're my favorite character… but how do you remember everything?"

"The Sage claimed that he didn't clean the slate until he picked out a soul. The person who lost their body would remain in the soul's mind and wait until the time was right, un. But because I never had a confirmed childhood in your guy's manga, he put your soul in my body just before I joined the Akatsuki. You would have a greater sense of time then, un." Deidara nods to himself, seemingly pleased with how smoothly this was going.

Oh… so Hagoromo was the angel I pissed off. I bury my face into my hands, "This… is a bit much… ya know…? I…" I let out a soft chuckle, "Itachi… he just got healed…" Before I could finish, Deidara interrupts.

"Oh yeah… why the hell are you dating that Uchiha bastard, un?!" I had to bite my lip to stop my laughter, looking up, Deidara was so conflicted in his emotions.

"You know?" My body shakes as his face turned more and more agitated, he looks so funny when pissed. I can see why Obito did everything he could to rile him up.

"Of course I know!" He points at a giant, theater-sized monitor that I just now noticed, "I can see and hear everything you do, un!"

I look at the monitor curiously, "Oh… So you've seen us cuddle."

Deidara scoffs, "Yeah, thank Kami you two haven't done anything else. Though, when you are asleep… I watch your memories… this is your mind after all, un."

With a single button, the monitor lit up and memories of my past life played before me.

"Do you miss this old life?" Deidara stands behind me, watching my reactions.

"Yeah… I… haven't truly let it go yet… but I wouldn't trade this new one for anything…"

I feel him place a hand on my shoulder, it's surreal to have Deidara next to me, we looked like identical twins… but without the stitches.

"Come on then, I have a surprise for you, un. The old man will meet us there later." Deidara opens another door, and I followed him into the maze that was my mind.

 **3rd Person POV**

Itachi was interrupted by his reading hearing Deidara whimper. After returning from Kiri, the Uchiha settled himself on the couch with a book, and had the bomber lay next to him, using his lap as a pillow. On occasion Deidara would stir, but almost instantly fell back asleep.

But this was unusual. Both Naruto and Sasuke informed him that Deidara could pass as a corpse with how still and quiet he slept. If it wasn't for the steady beating of his heart, Itachi would have agreed to the statement. He's woken up plenty of times in the middle of the night to notice Deidara's stiff body.

Setting his book down, Itachi gently shakes the younger man's shoulder, "Dei? Dei wake up." But no response came from Deidara.

'Somethings wrong… he doesn't make noise, but he is a light sleeper.' Once again, this was something he also discovered.

The second day of Itachi being in Konoha, he woke up to Deidara just staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night. When Itachi had asked why he was awake, the bomber stated that Naruto was up. He only fell back asleep when Naruto was back in bed.

Worry settled in and Itachi turned Deidara onto his back and opened his eye. The rapid movement of his eye indicated a dream or high brain activity, but still the blond would not wake up.

Itachi pushed chakra into his eyes, allowing his sharingan to activate, "Forgive me Dei." And entered Deidara's subconscious through a genjutsu.

The Uchiha found himself in a landscape that was similar to his Tsukuyomi, but it was more… blue? Looking at his hands, Itachi also realized that everything held their normal colors, nothing was inverted, 'So this is what Deidara's mind is like…'

The Uchiha's attention was snapped towards a young adult woman looking around the area confused her back facing him. With a petite figure and straight black hair… she looked like an Uchiha but with tanned skin. Confused, he called out to her, "Hello?"

The woman spins around to look at him, at first it looked as though the cogwheels in her head were spinning to figure out what was going on… and then the squealing happened.

"OH MY GOD ITACHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Itachi had to slam his hands over his ears to protect them from the sudden wave of high pitch noises that were escaping this girl's windpipe.

'This voice is too familiar. But I can't concentrate!'

Realizing that she was almost rupturing the poor man's eardrums, she slams her hands over her mouth bowing in apology, "Sorry! It's just… oh god, if this is a dream, I will kill whoever woke me up!" ( **AN: English is my beta's second language, so she has an accent** ) Her voice quickly became softer, slightly louder than Hinata, but just as high pitched.

Recovering from the initial shock of such a tiny body containing that loud of a volume, Itachi takes a moment to observe the woman in front of him. Now that he was looking at her face, she really did not look like an Uchiha, she had a small button nose and almond eyes, but she was definitely familiar. Considering that she was in a majority of his boyfriend's memories.

"Maria?"*

The woman, now dubbed Maria, tilts her head in confusion, "How do you know my name?" Her posture became defensive, as she valued her privacy, even if the sexy Uchiha was the one to look into her head.

"Well I also know Kakashi is your favorite character." That seemed to be wrong response as Maria went from suspicious, to blank, to eyes lighting up to look like two big shiny stones.

"Lily?!"* Itachi had to quickly dodge the girl, as without warning she tried to hug the Uchiha. Deidara's memories are enough indication that physical contact with her would almost certainly mean a slow painful death via hug, "Wait… You died and got reborn as Itachi?! Damn… Either the Universe loves you, or wants you dead a second time."

"No, I am not Lily, but I do know her." Itachi brushes himself off despite not being covered in dust, even in his head Deidara's mind stays perfectly clean.

Once again, Maria was confused, "So if you're not Lily… then who-"

"Why the fuck are you here Uchiha, un?!"

Poor Maria's head was basically spinning as Itachi perked up at the sound of his boyfriend's voice… albeit a little mad sounding. Turning around Itachi spots Deidara, though he looked different with stitched up arms and a sour expression that looked permanently plastered on his face. Recognizing that stitch work, Itachi inquired, "Are you the original Deidara… or my De-"

Deidara points his finger at Itachi almost violently with a low growl, "Finish that sentence and I will turn you into art, un."

That was enough to confirm his suspicion, "The original Deidara then… right."

Maria quickly catches on, "'Original'? Oh okay, so the Universe loves her then!" Both men turn their attention to her, "What? I don't need a full sentence to understand a situation."

Deidara rolls his eye, "Fantastic, well thanks to this damn Uchiha butting in with the old man's process, I lost Lily somewhere in her mind! Now I have to get her before she gets lost, un!" Turning on his heel, the bomber storms off in a random direction.

Maria cups her hands around her mouth, "Good luck! I suggest looking in either the anime or the fanfiction section!" She pauses, "And if there is a Kingdom Heart section, go there too!" She beams when Deidara gives her a thumbs up before disappearing again.

The woman returns her attention to Itachi, "So if you are not Lily… then how do you know my name? And what did you mean by 'my Deidara'?" Itachi could feel an enormous amount of kill intent radiating from her from the second question. He was slowly understanding how his Deidara had such a dominating personality.

'Deidara was well protected even in his past life.' Itachi straights himself out and allows his face to return to his typical blank expression, "Dei- ...Lily allowed me to look into her memories to prove that she was on my side. She is the only reason why I am alive and that my brother no longer walks down the path of hatred." He wisely avoid the second question.

Maria sighs, "Typical, she is the one with a bleeding heart in our friendship. Surprises people every time they meet her, considering I'm the one they expect to be the nicer person." ( **AN: Her definition of a bleeding heart is someone who cannot say no.** )

Something quickly caught Itachi's attention, "You don't seem upset at all, despite Lily being dead."

She shrugs, "I know and understand death, knowing that she has already been reincarnated is enough to put my mourning aside." Smiling sadly at Itachi, of course the idea of her friend suddenly dying was painful, but at least she's not waiting forever for another life.

"Found her, un!" Deidara returns triumphantly with another Deidara in tow, this one was quietly singing songs to herself.

 **SI!Deidara/Lily's POV**

( **AN: For the rest of this sequence, SI!Deidara will be referred to as Lily and as a woman by characters and the narration in POV changes. I will let you know when it changes back to Deidara. Itachi will still call her Dei when talking directly to her. Note that Lily will not be shown in her original form and is still in Deidara's body. This is also the only time the SI's name will be used the entire fanfic.** )

I was bobbing my head to the theme song for Ouran Highschool Host Club as Deidara was leading me to a pretty blue landscape, "Kiss kiss fall in lo- YIPE!"

I let out an unmanly squeak when a familiar girl tackled me to the ground, "Wha? Ma...Maria?! Wait what?! Deidara what's going on?!" Why was my best friend here?! Oh shit… don't tell me she...

Deidara smirked, "The old man wanted you to see your friend to help you finally move on from your past life. Don't worry, she's very much alive, un." He moved away from us and stoods by Itachi… with a fair bit of distance between the pair. Guess he knew that things were going to get loud, very quickly.

I quickly released Maria as she was repeatedly hitting me saying "air" over and over again, "Sorry hun… it's just… wow… holy shit it's been forever!" I had to stop myself from crying right there.

If Maria was able to raise an eyebrow, I could tell that she would, "Really? It's only been 100 days." In her culture, you would see a loved one that passed within the first 100 days of their death, "Also air! Sweet Jesus, beautiful air!"

This news crashed onto me like a pile of bricks, "Only 100 days…? But… I've been in this body for the last 5 years…" I stared at my hands, 'have I truely not been gone for that long…?'

Maria stares at me blinking, "Damn, that's a big time difference." She calmly leans away as I half-heartedly tried to swat at her head, "Well it is. Has shippuden happen?"

Distracted from the shock, I give her a cheeky smirk, "No, it's still the original series… but I've fucked with the plot enough to where some of the shippuden events will not happen." My grin widens when Maria perks up with interest, urging me to go on.

"I adopted Naruto as my little brother."

 _Meanwhile with the boys while the… girl...s? Catch up_

 **3rd person POV**

Deidara and Itachi watch as the two sitting on the floor talk about all the changes Lily has made, followed with the occasional squeal or laughter coming from the pair.

"You revived Madara? Okay… I won't question how… but how's his hair?" The boys sweatdropped as Maria was basically bouncing where she sat with excitement.

"It's softer than we thought! And his voice is just…" This led to two very different pitched squeals to echo in the environment.

"I cannot believe half of the stuff that comes out of my mouth or what my body has done in the past five years, un." Deidara massaged his temples with a groan.

Itachi eyes the man, in another life, this blond hated his guts… and now in this life, he's dating the blond… albeit, the soul is different.

"Do you really hate me?" Itachi really did not get how him winning a battle caused this man to die hating him.

"Of course I do! You looked down on my art with those damn eyes of yours, un!"

Itachi's brow raises, "But I find Lily's art to be beautiful and unique. It is the same as yours."

Deidara freezes on the spot, before folding his arms and turning his nose up, "I still think you're a bastard that was born lucky. Why the hell did she pick you? Of all people, un. What have you done to make a girl so devoted to saving your ass?" He locks eyes with Itachi, determined to get an answer from the Uchiha.

Maria pipes in, "It's the smile!" Before returning to her conversation.

"... I honestly don't know. From what I can tell… Lily was giving her 200% from the very beginning… she could have picked out a better partner, but she picked me." Itachi looks at the pair that were still giggling and talking to their heart's content, "I'm still not sure what I feel…"

Deidara scoffs, "Of course you don't, but at least you're not so much of an asshole that you'd shut her down… Kami would she stop squealing in my voice? It's uncool, un…" The bomber's lips turn into a scowl.

"I like it. She's being herself." Itachi pauses at that statement, "I… like… her, being herself."

Deidara jabs a thumb at the pair, "Tell that to her, not to me. What she does with my body is her call now, I've grown to care for the girl and honestly she's doing a damn good job at spreading my art. I mean… she did turn your brother into an artist, un." He had this proud look on his face, but there was something off behind it.

Itachi could not figure out why.

 _Back with the girl...s?_

 **SI!Deidara's POV**

"This is Naruto and Kimimaro's first New Year's with me." I pull out my locket and show Maria the little family photo.

"Awwww how cute! Now, back to the question Itachi avoided, what is your relationship with him?" Maria gives Itachi a half-baked glare.

"Itachi? He's my boyfriend, we've been dating only for a few days now, un." I was never able to keep secrets, it gets even worse when around Maria, who is basically my sister. Biting my lower lip, I lean in to whisper to her, "And to be honest… I am completely twitterpated…" I proceeds to hide behind my hair as I felt my face turns red.

"Ohhhh, okay! Can I talk to him?" Maria leaps to her feet when I gave her a thumbs up. Bolting to Itachi, she grabs him by the collar of his shirt, "We need to talk!" There was this disturbing mixture of sadistic malice and overwhelming glee as the tiny girl dragged away the powerful Uchiha, causing me to laugh at my boyfriend.

Suddenly out of nowhere Hagoromo appeared between Deidara, who had moved to stand by me, and me, "Things seem to be settling down I see." This caused in the two of us to leap away from him in shock.

"When the hell did you show up?" I gripped my hand over my heart to steady it, not expecting the Sage of Six Paths to show up.

"I have been here for quite some time, but no one pays much mind." The Sage calmly floats at his spot, "I trust you had most of your questions answered?"

I nod, "Yeah… Deidara explained most of it, thanks for… letting me see Maria again…"

"I know the pain of being away from loved ones. Think of it as my thanks for all the work you have done."

I rub my arm bashfully, "I did have a question though… why did you only pick out those who died? Why not someone who was alive and truly could change things?"

Hagoromo gave me a patient smile, "Because young one, it would disturb the balance of that world. By only choosing those that pass, I am keeping their cycle of life unchanged. There is no reason to strip someone of their life before their time."

I tilt my head, "Then is there anyone else like me?"

The Sage sighs, "No, it is just you and only you. I only wanted one soul and you were the lucky one to be chosen." I nod at that answer, satisfied to know that there was no one else messing with the timeline.

My attention was changed when Maria returned with Itachi… still lecturing him. I don't blame her though… Itachi is my first relationship and we both have a protective streak for each other when it comes to boys… me more so than her.

"Remember, there is more that I could say about what will happen if you hurt Lily… but it's best to leave it to your imagination!" Maria pats Itachi on the back with a big smile, "Good luck!"

I quickly swoops in to rescue the poor guy from my crazy friend, placing my forehead on his so our eyes meet, "Are you okay Itachi?" In the background, Deidara is gagging while Hagoromo is chuckling at the bomber's reaction.

Itachi relaxes and wraps his arms around my waist, again giving me that feeling of undying safety, "I'm fine Dei… Your friend was just being protective of you is all."

Deidara now sounds like he's about to throw up. It was rather amusing.

Maria smiles affectionately, "Oh you know me, I just said a few things. I know you can handle this… also CUUUUUUTTTTEEEE, oh my god!" We both wince at her sudden squealing, that's what we get for being affectionate around her.

I looks over to her and nod once, "True, not that I would. Come on, the man hugging me is Itachi, now if it was anyone else then we should be concerned."

Maria sighs, "That's true… at least it's not Sasori." Poor Deidara was hiding in a mental corner, also traumatized by randomly looking into my memories. People always find the yaoi first, always the stuff I shove into the farthest corner of my mind that's buried under other memories. Maria takes this time to poke Deidara with a stick- wait where the hell did she get that?!

Hagoromo swoops into the conversation, "It is time for all of this to end, Maria needs to be returned to the world she lives in and Deidara… needs to move on finally."

"Wait, move on?" I look over to Deidara, who stood up, "What does he mean?"

Deidara smirks, "It means that this body is now 100% yours, I am the Deidara from the original timeline remember? I do not even exist anymore, I can finally be like my art and vanish from this world completely, un!" He was proud to finally be able to disappear.

Maria steps in, "Wait, won't you just be reincarnated?"

Hagoromo took the time to answer this, "I gave Deidara the option to either be reborn as somebody else, or to vanish from existence… he chose the latter option."

Deidara raised a finger to stop my protesting, "I only wanted to stay to see what you had in store, and you already are creating a better life than I could ever do… while keeping a love for art. If I move on to the afterlife to wait for reincarnation, then someone has the chance of using edo tensei to summon me. Now that would be a mess and it would cause confusion…"

Everyone for a few seconds began to picture Kabuto accidentally bringing Deidara back... and chaos ensues because there are now two explosive happy shinobi prancing around the battlefield. What a nightmare.

"Considering I accidentally reanimated Madara… This would be worse than what I did actually…" Maria looks over at me with a "you think?" expression.

Hagoromo turns to Maria, "You also need to be returned home."

"Can I be reborn as someone? Please? Even if it was some background shinobi?" Maria tries giving the Sage her best puppy dog eyes… sadly the old man is not only a father, but created the chibi versions of all of the tailed-beasts. Her eyes got nothing on baby Kurama. When the man doesn't even blink she pouts, "Oh boo… Okay." She turns and hugs me tightly one last time.

I holds her for a few moments in complete silence, "... This is like a bad fanfiction." It was never in either of our natures to keep the mood down.

This earned a minor laugh from my friend, "It is, no offence. Bye! Don't die again!"

I rolls eye, "I won't! Good luck in life hun!" With a sharp ring sound and a bright flash of light, Maria, Deidara and the Sage were gone.

 _Back in reality_

( **AN: SI!Dei will no longer be referred to as Lily from this point onward** )

I snapped my eye open to see both my ceiling and Itachi looking down at me, at first I thought it was all a dream.

"You have a good friend Dei…"

That was enough to trigger the tears I had held in. I didn't want to cry in front of everyone, I usually end up becoming an unresponsive mess by the end of it all… but at the cost of bottling it up until someone like Itachi opens it up. For some reason it's always him that causes me to cry.

Itachi holds onto me as I allowed myself to wail with heartache, I missed my past life, I missed it so much. But at the same time… seeing Maria again… I feel some closure…

"Do you wish you could go back to it all?"

I sniff a little before looking up at Itachi, it was… honestly a good question, if I had the choice… would I? I had to think on it for a while, before slowly shaking my head, "I… I miss my friends and my family… but…" I chuckle, wiping my face with my arm, "I died, it's not like I was forced to this world before my time was done. I… my only regret was that I never got to finish my schooling and become a teacher… that's it, un."

He tilts his head in interest, "You wanted to become a teacher?"

I nod, "Yeah… I love seeing people learn new things, I love spreading knowledge. It's the reason why I wanted to be a jounin sensei at a young age, un. Kinda stupid really." I get off the couch and grabbed a tissue to blow my nose, feeling it getting stuffed up and then washed my face, I almost missed Itachi speak.

"This is what I like about you…" I could barely hear him, I guess he didn't intend for me to hear what he said, so I chose to not make a comment.

Returning to the couch, I relax next to Itachi, "I think I can finally move on from everything, I don't need to cling to the past anymore… well… looking at the old times now and then won't kill me, un." I let out a soft laugh as Itachi returned to his book. Getting snuggly with my Uchiha again, I slowly started to fall back asleep. Things were so peaceful… so…

"Get your hands off my Nii-sama!" I was interrupted by a strong arm yanking me away from Itachi, gee… I wonder who it is? Not like many people call me "Nii-sama".

"Kimimaro, we were just snuggling honey, un." I laughed at the protective expression on the boy's face. He's already starting to become taller than me due to his diet and the disease slowly being removed from his body permanently. It was rather interesting seeing him grow.

"I don't care, I will not allow this man to defile your purity!" Kimimaro glared at Itachi, who if he had a drink, most likely be choking on it.

"Wait, who said what now? 'Defiling your purity'? Kimimaro, we haven't even kissed yet, un." I feel my face become hot as my mind slowly crept towards the gutter. Maybe giving the boys such a detailed description on how sex works was a bad idea…

Itachi decided he wanted to calm the Kaguya boy's rage, "I had no intentions on laying a hand on Deidara until marriage." Wait…. MARRIAGE?! Also bad wording there!

"Who said I would let you marry my Nii-sama?"

"Kimi… honey." I catch my brother's attention, "We will not be discussing such matters for a few more years. Don't worry, Itachi knows my boundaries and has done nothing to push them… so don't stress too much, okay? You'll get sick and make Naruto and me worried at this rate, un."

This deflated his anger rather quickly, but it did nothing to loosen his grip. Instead, he throws me over his shoulder, "Also, Otouto wanted you to have ramen with us."

I wave goodbye to Itachi as my brother took me away, I need some time with the boys.

It's little things like this that help me move on from what I had lost before.

* * *

 **Oh lord this chapter was fun, my beta and I worked closely together to make sure her dialogue and reactions were accurate to her own personality. This was the SI's chance to get closure on her past life, so she will be missing it a little less than before now that she has given a chance to say goodbye.**

 **Hope my explanation on how and why she was reborn as Dei was clear, I noticed that some fics will vaguely mention it… but then never go into detail. So I went all out. Long story short: Hagoromo was unhappy and curious, and the SI was chosen because of timing and chance.**

" **Or the universe just has a love and hate relationship with SI :3" - Beta**

* How I saw it was that Yagura had most of his free will, and only lost it when Obito wanted something. So I'm going with that idea for my canon. Also he's gonna die anyway so might as well make it simple. It was mostly influences, as unless it's Shisui's eye I do not believe any other sharingan can truly control a person.

* Mei was a jounin at the time, most likely hiding her kekkei genkai, and I think she would be thinking about overthrowing Yagura to fix the Mist. So it stands to reason that someone from Konoha going to Kiri to speak with the Mizukage would a person of interest/future ally in hopes of rebuilding alliances.

* Maria is my beta's alias for whenever we go to places that ask for names… mostly because her real name is kinda hard to pronounce for some people. She was comfortable being in the story, but not using her real name, so we used Maria! I still do not know why she picked this name.

* Lily is MY alias. I learned that my beta uses an alias and wanted to try it out… so I blurted out the first name that came to mind… I am now known by most starbuck workers as Lily. But **please** , just refer to the SI as Deidara, it will save a lot of a headache not having to swap between the names. The SI has accepted the name Deidara now and Lily is just a relic of the past.

 **Anyway, Maria was a one time thing that the Sage wanted the SI to see one last time. She will not show up in the story again** ( **At the mutual agreement between both me and my beta** ) **.** **Also the real Dei is permanently gone due to the time travel/butterfly effect. So he will not be around giving advice like the kyuubi; he has become like his art, gone in the blink of an eye. Also yes, Itachi calls the SI Dei, he wanted to try the whole pet name thing too. :3**

 **Only 3-4 more chapters until shippuden! Next chapter will set the stage for Naruto preparing to leave to train with Jiraiya and a few other fun things here and there… yes one of them involves dad!Madara being a dad to Deidara.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all later.**

 **Bye!**


	28. Prepare

**I felt evil writing this chapter. You'll see why near the end.**

 **Thank you guys so much for the fave, follows and reviews!**

 **Ladybug002: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! I love it when my readers get excited when I update, cause that's what I feel when my favorite fics update. :3**

 **Rayen: Glad you are enjoying it!**

 **SirenAtlantica: Ummmm… I just took honors English classes and creative writing classes in high school. Honestly I just practiced until I was comfortable enough with my writing and grammar. I also didn't write a fanfic until I was hit with an idea I was passionate about. Sorry, I am not really sure what I'm doing with my writing. ^^" Also yes, it's Deidara.**

 **Saurito: Don't worry, this fic is… maybe halfway done. But I love that I gave you a little scare! :D**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: The real Deidara is gone. Poof. Goodbye! He chose to have his existence erased because of the risks of staying in the afterlife and the fact that… well, let's be honest, the afterlife is too eternal for someone like Deidara. Also Sasuke is very much straight, like an arrow. But SI!Dei was mostly concerned for Itachi continuing the clan because one can only have so many kids before it gets out of hand.**

 **himekuroyuki853: Glad I could brighten your day hun! Thank you so much for the compliment too. :D**

 **VenaHope: Obito and Madara's talk in all honesty will be more serious if anything, especially if Madara makes Dei shut the hell up. But that is basically what their reactions to seeing each other would be if I took a more comical approach. Also yes, Orochimaru has yet to get the memo that the dude that lopped off his hand, is not only in Konoha, but also dating the one person that keeps getting in his way. He is in for a surprise pretty soon. Also Sasori will learn… most likely in shippuden or just before. Never know! ^^**

 **HitGamer22: Dang, that really sucks, sorry to hear about how your family handled your birthday hun. Also Dei didn't forget about Jugo… he just has no idea where the kid is and isn't gonna really bother until shippuden. But regarding the eyes from Danzo, it is implied that Danzo has been collecting sharingan for years now. So none of them are that closely related to Itachi… to be honest I have no idea what I'm gonna do with most of those eyes. I have plans for a couple of them but… they're kinda just sitting in Deidara's closet, preserved until needed.**

 **Notsae: Yagura gets a better punishment in the form of public humiliation and execution by fighting Mei. So Dei had no reason to interfere. I always had plans on having SI meet the original Deidara since the very beginning. That is actually why the SI could make sculptures right away and when leaving Iwagakure, they were crying, because Deidara had some bodily control. As the years went on, Deidara gave the SI more and more control until they are what we have right now. I thought it would make a fun twist to the story. :3**

 **crazby: Thanks hun! I appreciate the compliments! From what I can tell, it is impossible for someone be summoned via edo tensei by two people, so at the very least no one can summon Madara besides Dei. I'm gonna keep Mei's stuff a secret, but I will say that one of your two guesses was correct. Regarding the Akatsuki… I kinda delve into it in this chapter. But I'll get more into detail in the next couple chapters.**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Most of Itachi and Madara's conversations will be offscreen. I tried to write it and it was… stiff, really stiff. I didn't like it, so I'll leave most of it to your guy's imagination. And yes, Dei has met Tenzo! In fact, the apartments that Dei lived in were made by Tenzo so Dei didn't have to worry about neighbors freaking out by all the newcomers. I mean… what normal civilian would feel safe with the kinds of people Dei brings in? XD**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Yeah even after all these years, the original Dei still cannot stand Itachi. Also since Maria is basically my beta except for her name, and my beta is my best friend of over 6 years… of course their relationship would be close. They're/we're like sisters. :3**

 **WhiteFang001: I actually added in the Madara bit last minute. I texted my beta the day before posting and said, "Hey hun, we didn't fangirl AT ALL in this chapter" so we added it in. It is a typical thing for my beta and I to just fangirl over random crap, and it felt odd that things remained so calm in that part.**

 **cdog1019: Woohoo! Happy that you like my yaoi! I'm trying to keep it slow so it feels more organic. I don't get yaois where it jumps from "I love you" to lemons within .5 seconds… like… no, that's not how it works. So I'm going a more… I'd say natural approach? Idk. XD Hopefully Naruto gets better in shippuden, I think he just has a lot of energy as a kid, and once he got older he matured. Also Kisame will have more screen time, it's just really hard to juggle all these characters at once. Idk how Kishimoto was able to do it. X-X That's why I have side stories, so I can give characters screen time.**

 **LeWeeaboo: Aw thank you! I try to keep my updates somewhat consistent, so long as I have a muse and a plan I can write.**

 **Bcp2005: Thanks hun!**

* - Explanation om bottom.

 **Warning: Holy shit this chapter has language all right! Violence, sex jokes** ( **Gee… who could possibly be in this chapter?** ) **, alcohol and rage.**

 **Disclaimer: After having to juggle not even half of the characters… kinda happy I don't own Naruto. It's hard to keep track of everyone.**

* * *

"There's someone we need to tell about our relationship, un"

That was the first thing I said to Itachi the following morning after the boys all left for missions. I am to meet Naruto and Sasuke at the usual training grounds this afternoon and I also have to speak with Jiraiya beforehand, but I needed to get this done.

"Is it Anko-san?" Itachi puts away some dishes he helped me clean from this morning's breakfast.

I shake my head, "No, she'll learn pretty soon, I want her to figure it out." I smirk at the idea of my friend figuring it out, no doubt she'll have an amusing reaction, "But the person we need to tell is… well…" I begin weaving hand signs.

Itachi recognizes the hand signs and sighs, "Dei… must we really tell him first? I'd prefer facing Anko-san's wrath." His entire expression read that he was not looking forward to this moment.

I give him a sympathetic smile, "I know Itachi, but for some reason you Uchiha are prideful as hell. There is no way he would be pleased knowing that he was one of the last people to know, un. Summoning jutsu: edo tensei!" I slam my hand on the ground and Madara's coffin appears, thankfully not damaging the apartment floor.

Itachi steps out of the way as Madara strides out of the coffin, said container vanishing in a puff of smoke. While he examines his location, I quickly seal up the room so no one can enter or eavesdrop, followed by closing the curtains on all the windows.

The elder Uchiha glares down at me, "This is not a battlefield and your life is not in danger… why did you summon me Deidara-"

Like ripping off a bandaid, "I'm in a relationship Madara-sama!" I hear Madara make several displeased sounds in the back of his throat, as his face slowly morphed into an even more peeved expression. Madara really is the most expressive of the Uchiha clan… second only to Sasuke in filler episodes.

What I did not expect was for said Uchiha to get in my face, "Who?" When I tried to look away from his sharingan, I ended up with my chin being grabbed and his eyes evolving into his mangekyo, "When I ask you a question child, I expect an answer."

"He is in a relationship with me, Madara." Itachi, oddly enough, was calm. His heartbeat was steady and nothing about him showed fear…

Then again… Itachi has the ability to go toe-to-toe with Madara even without the eternal mangekyo.

Madara snaps his attention to Itachi, straightening himself up so he towers the younger Uchiha, "Ah… an Uchiha… I do not approve."

I sputter, yanking my face away from Madara's hand, "What the fuck? Why not! It's Itachi, you know, the one that summons the overprotective crow, un?" Speaking of which, I need Itachi to summon that bird at some point, he'd make a cute pet.

Madara's face goes blank, "I do not care. You are someone that thrives on human interactions. Uchiha men are stoic, serious, and anything but affectionate." You damn old man, we've been doing nothing but cuddling the past several days! He continues, "The clan is cursed to follow a path of hatred, being with one will only cause you pain."

Just as I'm about to protest again, Itachi gently places his hand on my head and turns me to look at him, "Dei… let me speak with Madara."

I take a deep breath, "Alright… I'll go...make tea or something, un." Bowing my head in defeat I head to the kitchen, only for Madara to appear beside me and take the bottle of sake and the dishes I keep for when I have Anko or any of the adults over, "Um… Madara-sama?"

"It is traditional in the Uchiha clan for the father to drink with the man their daughter fancies." Madara states matter-of-factly then sits down at the low table on a cushion, crossed legged while Itachi sat seiza style* across from him, head slightly bowed in respect. The more I stare at this, the weirder it gets, Madara is obviously making himself look big and intimidating… his hair helps, and Itachi is being dainty and polite.

Wait… "What do you mean 'father'?! Madara-sama, you are anything but related to me, un!" I don't mind him using female pronouns, but why the hell is he calling himself a father? When the hell was I his daughter?!

Madara smirks, "Considering all of the adults in your life right now either want to kill you, are irresponsible, or have other responsibilities of their own… I am the closest you will have to a proper father figure. You were the one that referred to me as such first. Besides, you remind me too much like Hashirama to be left on your own when it comes to life changing actions. I did the exact same thing when Hashirama had to meet Mito for the first time."

He basically just called me a naive child when comparing me to Hashirama. Also I so want to hear the story of Mito sometime. ( **AN: Expect a side story in the future~** )

"While this tradition has long ended in the Uchiha clan, I will follow the customs of when you were alive. I am at your mercy Madara." Itachi calmly drinks the sake Madara poured for him, instantly going into his "perfect Uchiha son" mode. Madara at least makes sure Itachi has less sake than himself so the younger does not become drunk. Also because of the edo tensei, I doubt Madara can even become drunk.

Before I could ask any questions, both men activate their sharingan and stare each other down. Great, I think they put each other in a genjutsu so I couldn't hear them, but they can still drink the sake, damn Uchiha… I would also say damn legal drinking age but I hate alcohol.

"Men." I roll my eye and slip on my trench coat, "I'm going to speak with Jiraiya-sama, un." I fix the collar and head for the door.

"Be back by 1." I look at the Uchihas as they both spoke at the same time. They really are from the same damn clan.

It didn't take long to find Jiraiya… I just had to find the places where beautiful women gather, like the hot springs!

"We need to talk Jiraiya-sama, un." But the pervy sage chose to ignore me. I didn't want to do this… but- okay I'm bullshitting, this is the perfect time to use that jutsu, "Transform."

Pulling out my folding fan from my kimono sleeve, I allow my Jessica Rabbit like voice to ring out, "What a lecturous man! Have you no shame in yourself? Looking at young women bathing!" The shrieking from the otherside of the fence indicated that the girls all heard me. Jiraiya gave me an annoyed look… then his eyes traveled and settled on my… ahem, assets.

"Well… heheh… Dei-chan, if you stay like that I…" He slowly gets a nosebleed, "Wouldn't mind talking to you." His hands start looming a little too close to me.

Without another word I smack his face with my fan, turn back into a man, and proceed to drag him off by his ear to a more private location. Specifically the area where he trained Naruto in summoning toads.

"Look Jiraiya-sama, I know you plan on taking Naruto outside of Konoha to train him to fight the Akatsuki, un." The shocked expression on his face reminded me that I have yet to tell him the truth about me… wow, Zabuza knows more about me than this guy, "I'll explain everything in a moment. But I… have a favor to ask of you, un."

Jiraiya settles on a rock, resting his head against his fist, "What is it?" He went into his serious mode, knowing that I rarely ask for favors, I usually just say I'm going to do something and make people follow it.

Interlocking my fingers together and settling my arms down, I lower my head in a bow, "Please take Uchiha Sasuke with you as well, un." I don't even have to look at Jiraiya to know his response, he's going to stare blankly at my face and say…

"As a student? No way, what's the fun in training a brat that's good from the start?" You are so predictable Jiraiya.

"You don't have to train him, he can teach himself. Itachi and I can provide him jutsu he can learn and techniques he has to work on, un. Please, this is important!"

Jiraiya raises an eyebrow, obviously not use to seeing me this desperate, "Why are you trying so hard to let me take this kid away?"

I take a huge breath, suddenly the mark on my neck stings with pain, "Orochimaru wants him as his new vessel." Jiraiya tenses up, "If he stays in the village, he'll be a target, any team he goes with will be at risk of being attacked. If Sasuke goes alone… I don't even want to imagine how bold that snake could get. But if he's with you and Naruto, he'll be harder to trace, even I would have no clue where you three are, un…" I drop to my knees in a low bow, "Please Jiraiya-sama… I love that kid like I love Naruto and Kimimaro… I can't stand the thought of him getting hurt…"

Humiliation rang through my body as the seconds passed, begging is something rather foreign to me. I just had to plead at whatever is incharge of the Universe that luck was on my side.

"I'll take the kid with me… on two conditions." I sit up straight to listen to him, "I will not be his sensei. If he wants to learn something it will have to be whenever I am not focused on Naruto, or it comes from you. I will even have a toad be connected to the two of us so we can swap scrolls and information. And the second one… I want the whole story behind you."

My body relaxes, "Those… are completely reasonable. I'll tell you everything, un."

 _1 o'clock on the dot_

I entered the apartments to see the two Uchiha STILL sitting at the table staring each other down. Carefully walking to them, I place a hand on Itachi's shoulder, making him jolt and deactivate his sharingan.

"You're on time. Welcome back Dei…" He looked exhausted, and red cheeked from the sake… well at least he's not drunk, Madara seemed to make sure of that.

"Hey Itachi…" I place my forehead on top of his, one of our prefered signs of affection. Eye contact was a key part of our relationship, "The boys will be waiting for us anytime now, un."

Madara watched with a calculating expression, "I approve of this relationship. Itachi is more… well, he's a different kind of Uchiha." He nods his head in thought.

"Good, because I wouldn't have broken up with him even if you didn't, un." I smirk as the older Uchiha looked miffed at my blatant disrespect to adult authority, "I love Itachi, Madara, no jutsu or genjutsu can change it." I relax feeling Itachi run his hand through my hair.

"I can see that." Madara stands, "Unsummon me now, I have no business being in Konoha when there are no battles." I roll my eye and summon his coffin, which he steps into, "Thank you for telling me, I am not one that likes surprises." The coffin sinks into nothingness and is gone.

Giving Itachi some tea and a sandwich to wash down the sake he consumed, honestly he didn't drink a lot, we head to the training grounds. Naruto and Sasuke were casually chatting about their mission… well, as casually as two headstrong boys with egos the size of Konoha can get. My guess is Sakura is having another girls day with Karin, Hinata and I even encouraged them to include Ino.

"Teme! You shouldn't have gotten in my way, I could have handled it, dattebayo!"

"Dobe. You were beaten down the moment I focused my attention on the other enemy. You're lucky Sakura wasn't around to beat your head."

"TEME!"

"Hn." Ouch, Sasuke needs to watch his language.

I am grateful Itachi and I do not have that kind of relationship.

The duo instantly shut their mouths seeing us approach. I allow my usual smirk to play on my lips, "Alright chibis… Itachi here, will be watching you two fight against me, un."

"Fight you… Deidara-nii, dattebayo?"

I nod at my brother, "Yes, just like before the chunin exams… only this time… I want you two to use everything you have against me. Come at me with the full intention to kill, un." When neither of them moved, I throw a C1 to make them leap away, "Well? I said 'come at me'! So do it, un!"

As if they were a pair of coiled springs, the two boys charge at me. But after a few moments, something ticked me off, throwing Naruto into a tree and letting my knee collide with Sasuke's stomach, I glare at the two of them.

"If you won't take this seriously then quit being shinobi this instant, un!" Even Itachi was shocked by my outburst. There was no time for taijutsu, I want them to use their full powers.

"Wh… what the hell Deidara-nii?! What do you mean, dattebayo?" Naruto springs to his feet confused. Sasuke was… kinda preoccupied with a bruising stomach.

"I said to come at me with the intent to kill! I do not want just taijutsu! Throw your jutsu, your genjutsu, Duck-kun I want your sharingan ACTIVATED! You will not improve if you do not push yourselves! Again, un!" This time, Naruto used his shadow clone jutsu and Sasuke's sharingan spun wildly in his eyes.

The battle became more of a challenge for me to dodge, I had to keep a constant eye on Sasuke… which is hard because I only had one eye to use. I had to quickly shove my scope on to watch Naruto. Even with Naruto just attacking wildly, Sasuke used these moments to get a few good hits on me.

I began to use earth techniques like Hiding Like a Mole no jutsu to either throw a punch or to get away. Once in a while I would use a C1 to get away, now all three of us have random burns… they were minor though.

After a few minutes, all three of us were struggling to catch our breaths. Sasuke was running low on chakra due to the sharingan and using fire jutsus that all missed, I was just not a taijutsu person and Naruto… I was focusing most of my time wearing him out. Itachi had to keep his distance after nearly getting hit several times by flying projectiles and Naruto clones.

"That the best you two can do? If I was a real enemy you would be dead by now, un." I straighten myself out and shove a hand in my clay pouch, "Try to hit me with your best attack. Now!"

I throw a clay bird into the air and not long after that, I was soaring. The two boys looked at each other and got into position. Naruto summoned a clone while Sasuke crouched to the ground, perfect.

I allowed the two leap towards my bird, I allowed them to land on it and charge forward…

I allowed the rasengan to connect with my stomach and the chidori to hit my heart.

Neither boy could move from the shock as I allowed them to yank their arms away from my body. But what they didn't expect was my laughter… from the ground.

"Hey chibis! Might want to get off that! Katsu!"

They only had a second to leap away from the supposed body and my bird before it all blew up in a cloud of smoke and fire. I was standing next to Itachi, not a single scratch on my body and a proud smirk on my face.

"Deidara?!"

"D-Deidara-nii?! B-but you were… I thought we…" Naruto's eyes filled with tears as he tackled me into a hug, burying his face in my stomach.

"That was a clone honey… Did you really think I would let either of you hit me with those jutsu? Yikes, that would hurt, un." I let my brother cry out his relief. Sasuke walked towards us, and seeing that I was okay, he collapsed to his knees after his legs gave out.

"Damnit, why the hell did you do that?!" Oops… made Sasuke mad, but I had to smile… He cares.

"To demonstrate what you two need to work on, un." Both boys look at me in shock, "You two are too close-ranged. Naruto, your ransengan is too small and you waste stamina trying to get to me. Duck-kun, your fire jutsus waste chakra, and your chidori left you open for my explosions. During the next three years, I want you both to evolve these techniques to target enemies from afar, un."

"The… next three years, dattebayo?" Naruto blinks in confusion.

"Jiraiya-sama is taking you both outside of Konoha to train in a couple weeks. You will be gone for two and a half years, un." Neither boy could hide their shock, even Itachi was mildly surprised. He knew Naruto would leave, but not Sasuke.

"He's at the tea house right now… go ask him questions, un." I kiss both boys on the head and, while they were beaten up pretty badly, took no time in running off to find the pervert.

Itachi helps me up, "So that's why you went to speak with Jiraiya… you're protecting Sasuke from Orochimaru." His face grew into a gentle smile, "Thank you."

I return the smile then takes his hand, interlocking our fingers, "Come on, let's see if Tsunade has any missions, un." I lead him to the Hokage's tower to speak with Tsunade.

 _The following morning_

After returning to our mission and spending a few hours with Kimimaro, I relaxed myself on the couch enjoying some TV. I don't watch television that much anymore, but it was a good mind numbing activity while Itachi was in the bath. Naruto left about an hour ago to spend time with Sakura and train.

At the same time I sense him getting out of the water, a rapid knocking on my door made me sprung to my feet. Throwing the door open, I was greeted with a mop of pink hair slamming into me crying, "Sakura…?"

The girl looks up at me in tears, "I-I went to S-Sasuke-kun's house to…" She hiccups, "To h-heal his wounds a-and he's not… he's not…"

Thinking she was overreacting, I give her a tissue to blow her nose, "Sakura... he's probably with Naruto, un."

"No he isn't, dattebayo. Sakura-chan and I spent the last hour looking for him." My head snaps outside to see Naruto standing where Sakura was, at the doorway, "He wasn't at the compound and his apartment is a mess, dattebayo."

My blood ran cold, "ITACHI! Meet me at Sasuke's apartment!" Without waiting for anyone I bolt outside, making a beeline for Sasuke's apartment. My sensings going into a frenzy, 'Please be there, please be there, please be there!'

Barging into Sasuke's apartment, my heart stopped seeing all of the kunai, shuriken and broken objects littered around the main room. Sasuke may be a messy artist, but he keeps his living space spotless. Using my scope, I notice one thing that definitely did not belong in this room.

Spider webs, some looked like they were hastily removed, but I know the silky threads when I see them.

Sasuke didn't leave willingly, there was signs of struggle everywhere… the sealing patterns on the floor gave away who the intruders were. Itachi appeared behind me, "What happened?"

I grit my teeth, all I saw was red as I ran for Tsunade's office, Itachi hot on my tail, "Orochimaru's fucking bodyguards took him while he was injured… I'll kill those fuckers, and if Orochimaru lays a hand on him... Plot be damned, Mitsuki be damned*, that snake is as good as dead! NO ONE TOUCHES MY KIDS!"

* * *

 **Side story # 9 Too many to list** ( **Day 2 of Itachi being back in Konoha** )

( **AN: I know, I'm the worst author ever. Not only did I end it on a cliffhanger, but I also threw in a side story that kills the mood. ENJOY!** )

I arrive at Tsunade's office with some paperwork, effortlessly plopping them on her desk, "Here ya go, un."

Tsunade picks them up confused, "What are these?"

"Adoption and guardianship papers. At the will of the late Uchiha Fugaku and Uchiha Mikoto, Uchiha Itachi is now the legal guardian of Uchiha Sasuke, un." Damn, for some reason I become extremely formal when talking about legal documentations.

Tsunade raises an eyebrow, "I never gave you these… do you just have multiple copies of adoption forms laying around your house?"

A quick pause, "Yep! Considering I had to adopt…" I make a yeesh face while counting on my fingers, "Naruto, Kimimaro, Ukon, Sakon and Karin… while also be Sasuke's temporary guardian. Hiruzen just gave me several copies incase I ever brought in more kids, though…" I rub the back of my head, "I don't think I'll have to worry about bringing anymore kids into Konoha."

Shizune's shoulders slump, "That… is a lot of kids…" Tonton oinks in agreement with her.

Tsunade was also close to facepalming, "I see… Well, since you are here, I have a mission for you. You will be going with a chunin to evaluate their skills and determine if they should be promoted to jounin."

Sounds simple enough, "Who is i-"

"SENPAI! You're the one that is going to be evaluating me?! This is going to be awesome I get to show off my shinobi skills to my senpai- errrr senpai?" ( **AN: Please remember that Daiki talks extremely fast without pauses.** )

Due to the sudden, and unexpected arrival of Daiki, I am now on the ceiling, using chakra to stick myself to it. I need to retrain my sensing skills, I'm so use to certain people's presence that I can't sense them anymore.

Tsunade gives Daiki the mission scroll while Shizune assisted in helping me down. I was as tense as a spooked cat. Tsunade returns her attention to me, "Daiki will be incharge of the mission and you will only step in when needed."

I nod politely, "Yes Tsunade-sama. Common Dai-"

"This is going to be fun! I get to go on a mission with my senpai! Common!" The hyper boy proceeds to drag me away, I barely had enough time to have a clone to collect my weapons and clay, "I know you like to ride on your big bird senpai but I want to travel the old fashion way!"

'I could use the exercise...' With a calm nod, I let Daiki lead me in a random direction.

 _3 hours later_

"So how is this Itachi fellow that I heard you and Hokage-sama talking about? Don't lie senpai I know you like guys! Glad you don't like me like that cause that would be weird with you being my senpai and all!"

'Shut the fuck uuuuupppp…' I groan inwardly as Daiki has somehow manage to keep up a conversation with me for 3 hours without stopping. He hasn't changed since the first day I met him… that's a lie. He's gotten more attached to me.

I was so annoyed that I barely missed several projectiles being aimed at me… one being a very familiar scythe. Gee, who in this world wields a scythe like that?

"Prepared to be sacrificed to Jashin-sama you fuckers!"

I crack my neck, this will be fun.

Landing in a clearing with Daiki, I keep an arm out in front of him protectively as 4 people walked in front of us. Hidan, Kakuzu… Sasori? And… oh sweet Jesus.

"Sasori-san… I am so sorry, un." Standing next to Sasori, wearing Deidara's Akatsuki ring, was Tobi. The puppet master was outside of Hiruko, and his expression just screamed that he hated his masked partner. My hand makes a few random gestures before I press my knuckles against my lips to hide a snort.

Sasori sighs, "Don't remind me brat. I think you would have been a better partner by a long shot. You seem to know when to keep your mouth shut at least." He must have not been around to hear me chat Tobi's ear off for several hours.

Hidan points to me, face turning red, "You! I should fucking slaughter you for the shit you said to me!" Oh, he's still mad about that? I look over at Kakuzu, who was focused on counting some money and not paying attention to what was going on before him.

Sasori looks at the Jashinist, "We are not allowed to kill him, he holds valuable information that Leader-sama wants. Also, the last thing we need is Itachi and Kisame becoming our enemies." Sasori returns his attention to me.

"Fuck that! How the hell did this bitch get shark dick and weasel fuck to join his side?!" Wow, Hidan actually made an intelligent, reasonable question sound juvenile.

I lightly clap my hands, "Congratulations on losing some IQ points there Hidan. To answer your question… well, let's just say I am… rather good at persuasion, un." I allow a smirk to form when Hidan was clearly thinking dirty.

"So did you fuck 'em or something?" Hidan gives me a bewildered expression, the sound of wood connecting with wood indicated Sasori facepalmed. Kakuzu was still counting and Tobi…

Tobi was oddly quiet, same with Daiki.

I slam my hands over Daiki's ears, "Ugh, no! I am very much a virgin thank you very much! Geez, did all the blood you lick from your sacrifices give you brain damage or something, un?" I frown at Hidan, "And please stop using such vulgar language, we have children in our presence, un."

The moment I finished that sentence, Daiki pipes up, "Senpai do you know these people? You are speaking pretty casually with them and the guy in the mask keeps staring at you like you're a steak."

Hidan whistles, "I didn't follow. What the fuck did he just say?" I know Hidan, the kid talks like a chipmunk on sugar when you hit the fast forward button.

I snap a glare at Hidan, "He said boars are smarter than you and that Tobi has better hair, un." Turning my attention back to Daiki, "These are the guys that always attack me. You know, the Akatsuki. Had I joined, that masked man over there would be calling me 'senpai' instead of you, un." I cringe away, freaked out by what just happened.

Daiki's normally large, shiny green eyes, shrunk into tiny, dark dots. He suddenly looked pissed, something that I never thought would happen, "Um… Daiki?" This was too weird, even for my standards.

"I won't let these jerks take you away senpai! Scorch release: Extremely Steaming Murder!" I had to jump away to avoid contact with the two mini suns that formed around Daiki.

I turn my head slowly towards Tobi, a Joker grin plastered on my face as I uttered the single word that would send Daiki off, "Run."

"Yipe!" Tobi quickly bolts off as Daiki chased after the Uchiha. In all reality, Obito won't get harmed… but it gets those two out of our hair for a few minutes.

Hidan stares at the spot where the duo ran off to, mouth hanging open, "How the fuck do you find these bastards?"

I look at my nails, "I talk to people. Not like you would know how to do that. You seem only interested in talking with your imaginary God, un."

Hidan runs at me, wildly swinging his scythe. Sasori was about to help me, but seeing how I was dodging the attacks, he stayed put.

Before Hidan could land a hit, Madara's coffin appears in front of me, blocking the attack. The lid opens and Madara stares down at me, "We have some things to discuss Dei-"

I did not summon you!

Talking through my teeth, I interrupt the Uchiha, "Ah! Masato-san! How… nice to see you, un." Madara quickly got the hint. Putting on his mask which changed his clothes and even makes him a fluffy tail, and then steps out of the coffin so the Akatsuki could see him.

"Who is this?" Sasori was the only one here that has manners apparently.

"Masato-san, a summon of mine. And he is going to leave now, because I am a little busy, un!" Glaring at Madara, who is transfixed on Sasori.

"Ah… so he is the redhead."

My face quickly turns 20 shades of red as I began pushing him back into his coffin, "Leave leave leave, please leave, un!"

Hidan catches on, "What is puff butt talking about? Something going on with you and the puppet fucker?" Puff butt is new, and fun to say actually.

My voice suddenly became very high pitched, "Nothing! He's talking about nothing!" Quickly going back to a low growl when speaking with Madara, "I will talk with you later, stay unsummoned, un!"

"We still need to finish our conversation from before-" I cut him off.

"We will NEVER finish that conversation!" Before I could shove Madara again, Hidan tries to hit me with his scythe. Madara merely grabs the handle before the blades could touch my face and throws him aside.

"What the fuck?! I almost had you bitch!" Maybe it was because I had an all powerful Uchiha standing beside me, or the fact that this is Hidan… but I felt like insulting the guy some more.

I place my hands on my hips, "Your aim still hasn't gotten any better. No wonder you're still single, un." I effortlessly duck another swing before kicking the man away. Madara's posture was enough to express his displeasure for the vulgarity about to be swapped.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

I place my hand over my heart, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know calling you inexperienced and clumsy would offend you so greatly." I give Hidan a mock pout.

"Well at least I'm not a fucking virgin!" Seriously, that's not an insult Hidan.

This, is an insult, "Well it just shows that I have standards. Not to mention based on the muscle mass of your arms I'd say your…" I tap my foot on the ground a few times, "Right hand? Yeah, right hand seems to have gotten to know you quite well. Guess you're not a ladies man, un." Hidan is so easy to provoke, insult his religion, intelligence or sex life and you're golden!

"I sincerely hope you are still a virgin Deidara. It would be unwise for you to be with an active partner I have yet to meet." Okay, now everyone is staring at Madara, even I'm staring at him. I think my face matches Sasori's hair at the moment.

Voice going back to being that embarrassing high pitched tone as I clenched my teeth, "Yes dad, whatever you say sir. You're the boss, no boys without your approval, un!" I think I'm going to regret calling Madara that. But anything to get him to shut up!

The slight tilt up of his head indicated that he approved... lovely. The Uchiha spins around and his leg connected with Hidan's diaphragm, sending the Jashinist flying and crashing into Kakuzu. Ouch, sorry Kakuzu!

"Finish with your mission. I have some more memories I would like to revisit soon." With that, Madara steps back into his coffin, removes the mask once out of view, and vanishes into the ground.

As if timing meant everything to this world, Tobi returns, "This kid is scary!"

It never occured to me that Madara should speak with Obito, though the chances of actually getting him alone with all the Zetsu spores on him is slim to none. But… I guess it can't hurt to try… provided I don't freeze up again.

Daiki comes bolting out from some trees, ready to kill Tobi when I cough into my hand, "Daiki, this is an evaluation. We have a mission to complete, un." That switched Daiki's rage mode off causing the boy ends his jutsu and nods at me. I look back on the Akatsuki, "Well, it has been fun, but you 4 seem busy… Not to mention I have mission to finish and a Uchiha to snuggle back home. KATSU!"

"What the fu-"

The entire area soon becomes clouded with smoke as a series of explosions happen in the area. I make a clay bird and throw Daiki on it so we could get away, the only person unaffected was Sasori as he doesn't need to breath. I wave my hand towards him as we flew off.

"Is he someone you care about senpai?" Daiki tilts his head, watching the Akatsuki members flee the explosions.

I shrug, "Not really. But I know more about him than others, un." I left it at that.

 _The end of the mission_

Returning to Tsunade's office, she leans forward to stare at me, "How well did Daiki preform?" Daiki was stiff as a board, worried about what I would say.

I sigh, "I'm gonna regret this later on… but the kid is jounin material, promote- HIM!" My airway was suddenly cut off by his overpowering hug. Can't breath!

"Thank you so much senpai! You won't regret it!" He quickly released me as I was turning red from lack of oxygen, "I gotta go tell everyone!" Quickly bolting out of the room, Daiki vanishes to… who knows where.

Disgruntled, I look at Tsunade, "If I ever have kids… HE will NOT be their sensei, un." Without another word, I return home for a much needed bath and a warm cup of tea.

* * *

 **Like I said, I felt evil writing this. So now Sasuke got captured! He was beaten up enough to get overpowered by the Sound Ninja Four and taken away. Before ya'll ask: yes, there is 4 this time. I am going to be using an OC to take up Ukon and Sakon's place, an actual character will take Kimi's place** ( **but they will not die** ) **and… let's just say Orochimaru is prepared for Deidara this time. Deidara is understandably PISSED and will be joining in the rescue with Itachi. And yes, I am having Sasuke leave Konoha with Jiraiya and Naruto, I thought it would be a fun thing to have happen.** ( **Not to mention how much I can tease all you SasuNaru fans mwahahahaha!** )

 **The side story was fun to write, and it hints what the Akatsuki think about Itachi and Kisame leaving the Akatsuki. Obito and Pein are getting nervous that they lost two of their most powerful members. Daiki is a joy to write, I can just type away with no commas because of how fast he talks.**

 **I was going to have a second side story where Madara and Itachi talk but… I hated it, it was stiff and I felt uncomfortable with its atmosphere. So please just use your imagination, cause I am not going to let those two talk one-on-one without Deidara again.**

*Seiza Style is the traditional way of sitting in Japan. It's sitting on your legs. You know what I'm talking about, it's in 99.9% of animes.

* While Deidara knows very little about the Boruto series, the one thing that he likes about it is Mitsuki, Orochimaru's clone/kid. That was one of the prime reasons Dei has not killed Orochimaru, because he is hoping that the kid will still be made. (Which, if Orochimaru lives till the end, the kid will exist) My knowledge and opinions of the series have changed, but as I have said before, Dei does not know the new information I obtain.

 **Next chapter is Sasuke's rescue and the final main storyline chapter for the original Naruto season. The two afterwards are special chapters before shippuden, similar to my 5 year timeskip chapters. Once that's all done is when Deidara has to get busy.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all this weekend!**

 **Bye!**


	29. Battles

**Here we go. The final main story chapter before shippuden, only 2 more posts away. I will explain what the next 2 will be like in the AN at the bottom.**

 **Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews!**

 **LeWeeaboo: That was actually the point of the side story. Usually if I have a serious chapter, I don't include them… but remember I felt like being evil. Nothing screams evil like a cliffhanger with an omake shoehorned at the end in my book! XD**

 **himekuroyuki853: Everyone is pissed at Orochimaru, let's be real here. The only person not pissed at him is Kabuto lol. I'm happy I am able to make you smile!**

 **Notsae: Have you ever had your parent appear out of nowhere and proceed to say really embarrassing things in front of people? That is what Deidara felt at that moment. XD Also considering I have some more people in the Akatsuki I want to save, not a good idea to let Madara loose on them JUST yet.**

 **crazby: I have no idea what I will do with the Kage Summit yet, but I can promise that Deidara will stick his nose in everyone's business. Also I don't get why people make OC/SI in the Naruto world, and not only do nothing… but also whine when things stay the same. Are they afraid of people calling them a Mary-sue? I just do what I want within reason. I am excited to see what story you will make! I'm sure you will do fantastic, just keep practicing! :D**

 **707cloud: Mama bear is hungry for some snake kabobs tonight! They never truly go into detail about the curse mark, but it does corrupt the user… but only on the strength of their will. Sasuke was at a delicate point in his life, so he was easily corruptible. Dei having the mark… he is more stubborn than a barn of mules, snakey won't try anything.**

 **setokayba2n: I… am very confused as to what you are asking. Tayuya is a member of the Sound Ninja Four, I already explained this to you. Because of this, with how rage induced Deidara is, she will die like in the anime. Sorry if you were hoping she would live, but I cannot see any justification as to why Temari would let an enemy shinobi live.**

 **VenaHope: Orochimaru is VERY prepared for Dei this time around. Oro is indeed, way stronger than Deidara, he just has the element of knowledge-no-jutsu. He won't die (at least not yet), but in this chapter, he is definitely set to kill Deidara. I won't go into details though, you'll see for yourself hun. :3**

 **cassianaswindell123: Naaaaahhh they just think Hidan is an idiot. We don't even know if Sasori kept those parts lol. (Well, the fanfiction community is half and half on the subject based on the lemons I find)**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Madara will most definitely be doing stuff like that in the future. Especially when he learns about what happens in this chapter.**

 **PheonixMaster: Not gonna say anything about Fuu, but Yagura is as good as dead. He created the civil war and the Bloody Mist WAY before Obito took control of him, so he is going to be facing Mei's wrath.**

 **The Confused Reader: I'd put C2 at being more dangerous, but that is a good summary of the powers of Original Deidara… SI!Dei though… well, he's too caring to even test it. His Chocobo is rather deadly though! Kills bandits with a single stomp. XD**

 **triazatriborinane: Personally I don't really see it as Hidan bashing, and more like two immature individuals having a verbal quarrel. Let's be honest, the guy is easily provoked even in the canon story. I will most likely have Deidara ask Itachi to make his Tsukuyomi's to be more on the wacko side, it sounds like fun. However, I can't do anything with the jutsu formatting, I kept them as simple as possible so my readers can do a quick google search on them and the Japanese names are too long. In reality, all of these characters are speaking Japanese, we're just seeing the subtitles. Also I just like making sure that things have a reason or linked in some way. :)**

 **Saurito: I'm glad you are liking it! Deidara is used a lot from what I can tell, but it's mostly one shots or AUs. Either way, I'm happy that I was able to write this fic.**

 **silverwolf310: The twins actually do not play a major role in this at all. But that is mostly because so much happened in this chapter and I REALLY did not want to type out every fight. X_x nope. You think similar to my beta, Tsunade would so do something as mean as make Daiki be the sensei to Dei's kids.**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: Deidei cannot meme to save her life. XD**

 **Drakosis7734: I hate waiting myself, but I'm just gonna keep trucking on one chapter at a time. I think you may have missed a word there, but I am guessing you meant Dei hasn't been in any real dangerous situations. You are right, it's not my aim, but this chapter may have some nice bit of danger sprinkled into it. Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it! :D**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Let's be honest here, if someone with an uber happy sunshine face suddenly make two sun like objects, I'd be scared too. XD**

 **Guest: Glad you like my take on Madara! I can imagine him acting like this if he actually had children instead of becoming a peace crazed psycho.**

 **Bcp2005: Sometime in shippuden. Not specifically sure when, but I can promise you that things won't be pretty.**

 **Warning: Usual language, way more violence this time, character deaths (both on screen and offscreen), some OCs, underage drinking (What? Think I was gonna do a Sasuke rescue arc without the you-know-what?), friendly reminder that this is a yaoi!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, why do we have to post this dumb thing every chapter? Are people that bored to copyright claim everything? -.-**

* * *

It didn't take Tsunade much time to have Shikamaru collect a team and assemble them at the gates. It was the original five: Him, Naruto, Choji, Neji and Kiba. However, at my request, Kimimaro and Sakura were added into the mix. I chose to not get anyone else involved as it would become too chaotic. For some unexplained reason, Itachi and I are conveniently the only jounin in Konoha at this moment.

Gee, who would have thought having all of your strongest shinobi out on missions would result in the youngest of a dying clan getting KIDNAPPED! I should have had Sasuke spent the night at my place. I get the village needs the money, but send some chunin out at least.

As we all leapt through the trees, Shikamaru looks towards me, "Alright, you are the one that seems to know most about those that kidnapped Sasuke. Tell us what to do."

"I know of three of them. The first one is a boy with multiple arms… he can summon…" I gag, "spiders and shoot out webs, both silk and hard mineral like substance. Then there's a fat boy I don't remember his abilities, and a girl, she uses genjutsu with her flute. I'm clueless about the rest, if there are any, un."

Shikamaru nods, "Troublesome… a sound based genjutsu user… and a girl to boot." He blinks with confusion when I toss him a set of earplugs.

"Neji and Kimimaro will take on the multi-armed one, Choji takes on the fat one, and you, Shikamaru, will handle the girl, un." I smirk at Shikamaru's obvious displeasure at the prospect of fighting a woman, "Sakura will leave the village in 2 hours and keep her distance to heal injuries. Naruto and Kiba will keep rushing head on unless more show up. Itachi and I will fly ahead to try and cross paths with these bastards, un."

"Get Sasuke back Deidara-nii, dattebayo!" Naruto flashes me a thumbs up before high-fiving Kiba. The two are going to make a fun duo it appears.

"Don't worry, I'll get the duck back. I have a few cards up my sleeves, un." I smirk at Itachi. Orochimaru has no idea that he left the Akatsuki, otherwise the snake wouldn't have had the guts to even go near Sasuke. And if push comes to shove, Madara is just a few hand signs away.

I make a hawk for Itachi and me to ride. With the twins being removed from the formula, the Sound Ninja Four is missing its star players… that being said, I have no idea what their final member is like.

What scares me most is who took Kimimaro's role.

"Dei… you need to take back control of your emotions. I can feel your chakra going haywire." Itachi gently squeeze my shoulder, I didn't realize I was tensing my muscles until I relaxed them.

I run a hand through my hair, "Sorry… I just… Sasuke is… you know I use to hate his guts? Absolutely hated him in my past life, un."

Itachi nods, "Yes, a lot of your memories that have him was either you cursing his existence, or laughing with uncontrollable glee everytime he was in a near-death experience." I didn't even try to deny that.

"Yeah but… this Sasuke… he's the child I took under my care, the boy I hold when he cries and that I protect even at the cost of my own life… I love that kid, ya know? I've done… all I could to protect him from Orochimaru… yet this happened, un…" My entire body begins to shake, "I'm angry…"

I punch the surface of the clay bird, "Every ounce of my body wants to kill them all! And this mark!" I open my coat to show the curse mark to Itachi, his eyes widen seeing that it keeps turning red, "The damn thing is feeding off my anger and is trying to activate! And the thought that Orochimaru can probably feel my rage is making me even more pissed! My body is a never ending loop of hatred that is demanding blood, un!"

Itachi quickly cups my face so I stare into his black eyes, "Breath… you won't think straight at this rate. Just look at me…" My heart rate begins to settle, barely, "We won't land until I am satisfied with your emotional state. We will stay above Orochimaru's hideout until we sense Sasuke's chakra." All I could do was nod and rest my head on his shoulder, breathing.

I lost track of time. I would occasionally hear explosions from everyone fighting in the distance, but I had no sense of their status due to being in the air. Sakura should be helping everyone out by now, so those like Choji are going to be in better shape than last time.

"Dei… someone is approaching Orochimaru's hideout." That was all I needed to hear to roll off the bird and land in a clearing by the entrance.

"I was told by Orochimaru-sama that you would show up… though, not the guy with the dark hair. Pleasure to meet you!"

I look at the tall man standing a few feet away from me. Muscular body with dark skin and a cocky face… must be from Kumo. He was carrying a large barrel covered in scrolls, a weak pounding sound inside it caught my attention. My body tenses up as I got in a fighting stance, I don't know this person.

I'm fighting someone blind.

The man slams down the barrel which didn't take a genius to realize Sasuke was in it, "The name's Taro, remember that." Hearing the familiar crinkle of lighting erupt from his body, "Cause it's the last name you're gonna know before you die!"

I'm fighting someone blind who sounds like a typical shounen villain… I'm going to die fighting him, huh?

 _Meanwhile with Naruto_

 **3rd person POV**

Kiba had to stay behind to fight someone with a poison touch type jutsu. ( **AN: Think Soi Fon from Bleach. Same concept.** ) Forcing Naruto to go on ahead to get Sasuke.

Naruto just spent the last 5 minutes chasing a guy around his age into a clearing in the forest. The fellow teen slams down a barrel out of breath.

"Man… what do you Konoha genin eat? I thought Sasuke was a skinny kid." Without much of a care, the teen ripped open the lid of the barrel and looked inside, "Are you kidding me?! The thing is full of rocks!"

"Eh?" Naruto tilts his head in confusion as the other teen starts pulling out rocks, "Wait… we've been following a decoy?"

The other teen slams a hand over an eye and his forehead, "Great… Orochimaru-sama just wanted to use us to buy time. Hope you guys had extra members to help." He pulls out a massive sword, leaning against it with a cocky smirk, "Well, might as well fight. You got a name?"

Naruto's eye twitched, "Uzumaki Naruto. And yeah, we have my brother and Sasuke's brother probably kicking Orochimaru's butt, dattebayo!"

The teen smirks, "Oh? Interesting. The name's Suigetsu. Let's keep this fun." He winks, "Kay, shrimp?" ( **AN: Orochimaru has no intention of using Suigetsu as a vessel, but it was either him or Jugo. I personally found Suigetsu to be more fun considering who he has to fight.** )

"SHRIMP?!" Without thinking, Naruto charged towards Suigetsu, only to be stopped by a blur of green landing a hit on the other teen.

"LEAF HURRICANE!"

"Gah!" Suigetsu's head splashes into water as Lee's leg connected with it, "What the…? The hell is with you Konoha genin…"

"Eh? Bushy-brow?" Naruto looks at Lee in confusion, "What are you doing here?"

Lee gives the blond a thumbs up before producing a clay bird, "Little youthful birdie told me that you guys would need help! So I came as quickly as I could!" He gets into his iconic stance, "Go catch up with Deidara-san. I got this!"

Naruto stood there for a moment, before nodding, "Right, dattebayo! Thanks Bushy-brow!" Running past Suigetsu… who in all honesty couldn't give a shit, Naruto leaps into the trees to catch up with his brother.

 **Deidara's POV**

"Mother fuck- GAH!" I collapsed on the ground the moment my body collided with the barrier this Taro guy made for the third time in the last five minutes. He had thrown Sasuke's barrel to the side, and when Itachi retrieved it, the guy had activated an electrical barrier to keep the Uchiha out… and me in.

"Come on! Orochimaru-sama practically sang with how strong you are! But all I see is a weak kid!" Not my fault you make Minato look like a snail! From what I can get, Taro is a full on lightning user, experimentations basically made him a human electric eel. I can't use bombs, and taijutsu is a no no, any contact with this barrier feels as though lightning strikes.

I'm a sitting duck.

"Dei, I'm going to break the barrier." My ear twitches hearing the familiar shing of Itachi's sharingan, followed by the lower pitch shing of his mangekyo.

Quickly moving away from the barrier, black flames slowly began to eat it away. It's taking too long though and if I come in contact with the flames, I'm dead. I need Madara in this fight, "Summoning jutsu: Edo ten-"

Taro's fist connecting with my gut, followed by the electrical shock which left me on the ground. My eyes flickering in and out of consciousness, "Ah ah ah. Can't have you summoning reinforcements! By the time the Uchiha gets in here, you'll be dead!"

I could barely hear anything with my nerves ringing out like a fire alarm, I think Itachi is yelling something. I just need to perform the hand signs and I can win...

"My my, you really are struggling, huh Deidara? Guess lightning truly is your weakness." Weakly twisting my head, Kabuto and Orochimaru in his new body appear from the clearing. It didn't take a genius to figure out that these were clones, "Though I didn't expect Uchiha Itachi to be with you. Convenient that he prioritizes his brother over everything else, Taro here would be in trouble fighting an Uchiha." Even as a clone, Kabuto was still punchable.

Orochimaru takes one look at me and his single visible eye lit up with glee, "Seeing you in such a state brings me so much joy. I have been working on him since you took Ukon and Sakon, using various spies within Konoha to gather your fighting habits and jutsu. How interesting that you fell so easily, perhaps I cultivated Taro to be too strong." His tone was that mocking pity tone that he would give when he knew he was winning.

With a twitchy body, I force myself up, "Him…? Nah… I've had… peppers with a stronger kick, un." I barely had a chance to dodge Taro's kick, trying to prove me wrong.

Itachi looks at Orochimaru, "You have not changed since the last time I spoke with you. Using tricks and others to do your battles."

The snake laughs, "Itachi, it's been 7 years. Changing sides again? You really do have a soft heart to be out here." Even though he was a clone, I can see him tense up as Itachi's sharingan spin.

Without blinking, "My loyalties have always been with Konoha and my brother." Itachi wisely avoided mentioning me, as the last thing either of us wanted was for them to know of our relationship. As far as Orochimaru is concerned, we are here on the mutual desire to save Sasuke.

Kabuto pushes up his glasses, "The moment Taro goes anywhere near Deidara's vitals, it's over. While you may get away, we will retrieve Sasuke-kun again. And don't bother trying to find the real us, we moved bases the moment Orochimaru-sama changed bodies and your chakras were sensed."

'Are you kidding me?' I throw a C1 to create some distance between Taro and me, "Then why the fuck did you kidnap Sasuke?!" Based on the first connecting with my cheek and the electrical shock from the barrier, there wasn't much distance made.

"Orochimaru-sama wishes to give Sasuke-kun the curse mark, and then use him as his next vessel. Killing you is just an added bonus." Ohhh when I get my hands on you Kabuto…

"Hey blondie! Focus on me!" I barely avoid Taro's attack, only to get hit by another punch to the side because of my delayed nerves. I can't feel my left leg anymore, yet I'm still standing. I think blood is coming out of my mouth, but I can't taste anything, I can only guess by the fact my shirt is turning red, but looking down makes me think the ground is getting closer.

My mind goes into overdrive, my vision keeps fading then clearing like a child playing with binoculars, 'How the hell can I beat this guy?! I can't get any distance, he's faster than me, and all of my jutsu become duds. Damn Kishimoto and adding in that teeny tiny detail during the Deidara vs Sasuke fight! Unless Madara shows up on his own I can't summon him, this guy will send me face first into the barrier before the coffin even appears!' This seems impossible. I can't win at this rate, I need speed, a chance opening… I need...

I need power.

Like a thousand needles coursed through my body, I allow my pent up rage feed into the curse mark on my neck, 'Well Orochimaru, you gave me this stupid hickey… let's see it in action.' I can feel the power spreading, and let me say this…

It. Feels. Amazing.

This power felt like liquid honey all wrapped up in a punch of energy. Suddenly it was like I had tunnel vision, and my sights were on Taro. Examining my right hand, thick vein like lines coursed through my body, like Deidara's C0. However, the main difference is that these looked more like brush strokes. The only thing I did not enjoy was Orochimaru's whispers ringing in my head, I can't stay in this form for long… not if I want to keep my sanity.

"You must be desperate to use my power…" Orochimaru's body oozed amusement. No shit I'm desperate! I'm fighting someone you made specifically to kill me!

"Shut the fuck up and let me rip him apart!" I allowed my chakra to pour out in violent bursts as I head towards Taro. I am sick and tired of his taunting, his stupid face and his stupid jutsu! I don't even want to kill him by using my art, I want his death to be swift so he shuts his fat trap.

"Did you all know, it takes two to tango…" Using Orochimaru's chakra, I use the body flicker technique to stand behind Taro and wrap my arm around his neck. The newly awakened curse mark numbing the excruciating pain from the electricity, "But it takes only one to snap a neck."

CRACK

An anticlimactic ending for an annoying enemy. Taro falls to the ground lifeless, the moment his body met the ground the barrier vanishes. Itachi's Amaterasu falls to the ground and the Uchiha had to remove it using his eyes.

Honestly if it wasn't for the curse mark and the sudden spike of energy I would have been dead. If this asshole could beat me down that easily, then facing A would be the same as nose diving off a canyon and expecting to live.

Now, I have some issues… I don't know how to deactivate the curse mark. I can feel my mind delving into more dangerous thoughts as I stalked towards the Kabuto and Orochimaru clones. I just wanted to rip those two apart… make them beg for forgiveness… I wanted to kill-

"Dei…. Deidara, the battle is over. Calm down." A hand places itself over my eyes… I didn't even realize I had opened the other one until I felt its lid close, "You brother saw everything."

The energy saps out of me as I hear a quiet gasp from nearby trees, followed by two poofs, indicating that the clones vanished. I lean against Itachi, my nerves suddenly remembering that I've had enough volts to kill someone 10 times over. The only reason I'm alive is because shinobi bodies for some reason take something with the force of an atomic bomb to the face, and still walk away like it was a flick on the cheek.

"We will reseal that mark when we get back to Konoha… here." Itachi hooks his arm under my legs and scoops me up, I was too much of a twitchy mess to protest. If I had the energy, I would be laughing at how the static on my clothes and hair was clinging to Itachi's shirt. There really was a lot of blood on me too...

Naruto pulls the also weakened Sasuke from the barrel, putting the boy's arm over his shoulder, "Deidara-nii… you killed that guy… was it worth it, dattebayo?" He didn't sound angry… just confused.

I sigh, "Naruto… protecting you guys… is worth my hands being stained red with blood…"

He pauses, then nods, "I'm glad you're alive… you should sleep. Don't worry. Itachi and I will keep you two safe, dattebayo!"

Darkness took over both Sasuke and me as our bodies gave out from the lack of energy and pain.

 _One week later_

Beep... beep… beep...

If I hear another Kami forsaken beep while I'm asleep…

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

"His heart is speeding up! Get Hokage-sama!" The sound of feet clamoring into the room was agonizing to my head.

'What the fuck?' I snap my eye open and shoot my right arm out, causing several nurses to scream at my sudden movements. Turning my wrist, I cringe seeing an IV needles sticking out. Okay, ew ew ew, arm goes down now. The oxygen tube down my throat and all the machinery indicated that I was in the hospital, if not the screaming nurses. How long was I out…? I don't even remember sleeping.

"Deidara! Do not move so much!" My head felt like a jackhammer decided to dance on top of my skull as Tsunade barged into the room. Every sound brought a wave of pain to my head, "You have been unconscious for a week, it took forever to heal the damage all those electrical attacks did to your nerves and brain… thankfully there was nothing permanent. But I'll need to keep you here longer to treat damages on your vitals."

I blink a few times before trying to speak, sady this only made me sound like I was choking because of the tube being shoved down my esophagus. Tsunade gently removes the tubes once she was satisfied that my lungs wouldn't collapse, "Wha…" My voice was scratchy and thick from disuse. I must have really been out of it.

"Wha... Ha…" Talking hurts.

Tsunade gives a calm smile and places a hand on my forehead, "The mission was a success… no casualties from our side, the Sound Ninja Four are all dead… I had Gaara and his siblings come to assist. Sasuke was discharged from the hospital only a couple days after you all returned. Everyone has been waiting for you to wake up."

She places a hand on the spot where the curse mark is, "I fixed the seal on your neck, now the chakra you channel when angry will instead feed into your hair…" She laughs when I give her my "are you stupid?" face, "It was Naruto's idea. He said to have it go there because whenever you are mad, the wind conveniently blows in a way that makes it look as though your hair floats."

I relax back into the pillow, lovely I'm now part ghibli, "Al...right..." Tsunade took another check on my vitals while I drank water and tested my nerve system before leaving so people could visit. I didn't expect who would show up first though.

"I had my siblings and I stay here until you woke up. I only thought it was appropriate that I spoke with you in person." Gaara sat in a chair while I stared at him completely baffled, "This… must be a shock to you. But I came to apologize for how I was during the exams… I never had the chance to express my guilt."

I wave my hand somewhat dismissively, only to hide it again seeing the needles, "It's…" I clear my throat, "It's fine Gaara-kun. I hold no ill feelings… how did… I mean, who did you…"

Gaara gives me a knowing look, "I fought this boy named Suigetsu…"

 _Flashback-no-jutsu_

 **3rd person POV**

Lee and Suigetsu fought for a few moments, before the taijutsu user paused the fight, "Please wait a moment, I must take my medicine!"

Suigetsu stares at Lee in bewilderment before leaning against his sword with a smirk, "Wow… Konoha must be weak, they sent a sickly shinobi to fight me?" His eyebrow quirks after noticing the kanji on Lee's bottle, 'Wait… isn't that...'

"I've never been fond of medicine…" But without protest, Lee tilts his head back and guzzled down the contents of the bottle.

'No way… is this kid seriously drinking?!' Suigetsu waves his hand to get Lee's attention, "Hey! Caterpillar eyes! That ain't medi-"

Lee gags, "Whatever this medicine is, it has the worst flavor I have ever tasted… I…" He pauses for a moment before his cheeks flushed pink and he got into his drunken fist stance, "WHADDYA LOOKIN' AT YA JERK?!"

Now Suigetsu was sweating bullets, 'Is he serious? He got drunk that fast?!' He had to dodge lightning fast attacks from the now drunk boy, "Gah! What the hell? Why are you so fast now that you're drunk- OOF!" His torso turned to water after a nasty hit.

This only seemed to anger drunk Lee, "I'm not drunk! I'm not even of age! A person under 18 should not drink, they should be spending their SPRINGTIME OF YOUTH BEING FULL OF ENERGY!"

Screw killing him, Suigetsu just wanted to not get hit. Instantly getting on the defence, he used his sword to block most of the attacks… most of them. Lee was still getting some good hits and was only getting faster.

This went on for some time, until the water boy saw an opening. Taking out a kunai he slashes at Lee, only to cut his cheek. However, this seemed to break his drunken stupor.

"Ugh… my head… was… I drunk?" Lee looks around the field confused, "And why is the grass wet…?"

Suigetsu leans against his sword heaving heavily with each pause, "Because, you kept, hitting me! I cannot, believe, you mixed up, your medicine with, SAKE!" Gritting his sharp teeth, he lifts his sword and aims at Lee, "Just die already, okay?" As he brought down his sword, sand blocked his attack, "Awww, come on! Who the hell are you?" ( **AN:I got light headed reading Suigetsu's dialogue up there. x-x** )

The sand gently scoops up Lee and sets him down next to Gaara, who stares at Suigetsu blankly, "Allies of Konoha, I am a shinobi of Sunagakure… Sabaku no Gaara."

Suigetsu stares at Gaara, before smirking, " 'Of the Desert'? Oh! Orochimaru-sama told us all about you. You use sand!" This should be a piece of cake for him, after all, if Gaara's sand gets wet, then he cannot fight back.

Lee tries to stand, only for Gaara's sand to grab his ankle and send him face first into more sand, "Would you please let me fight?! This guy uses water jutsu!"

Gaara looks down at Lee, "You are injured… let me do the fighting. Please, rest." The two had a staring contest for a while, before Lee complies.

The white haired boy grinned wildly, "This should be fun chopping you up!"

 _Flashback ends_

 **Deidara's POV**

"Did you… kill him?" I was hoping not, I already feel horrible not being able to get Suigetsu when he was a child.

Gaara shakes his head, "No… he fled when he realized how much sand I use. Orochimaru sent a coward." No honey, you're just really scary when there is a lot of sand.

I sigh, "Suigetsu… he… is special to say the least." At least I know that I can have Sasuke find him later on, now to locate Jugo, "Thank you for… coming here, un."

Gaara bows his head slightly and gets up to leave, only to pause at the doorway, "Oh… right." He shuffles back over to my bed and stares at me, a thousand emotions ran through his eyes before speaking again, "Naruto… told me that you complained about missing the chance for this. I don't understand it but…" He proceeds to wrap his arms gently around my shoulders.

Oh my Kami…

The panda is hugging me! I'm hugging Gaara!

Using the arm not covered in needles, I return the hug, "I'm… sorry Gaara-kun…" If Gaara had eyebrows, he would be raising them, "I knew… about you for a long time… If I had went to Suna… I would have…"

The redhead stares at me in shock, understanding what I was trying to say, "Do not blame yourself… thanks to your brother I… I see the things I have been doing were wrong… I have purpose now. You did a good job raising him." He slowly lets me go, before leaving the room.

Not long after Gaara left, the room began to flood with the kids. Kimimaro and Naruto sat closes to me, both hugging me protectively. Karin, Sakura and Hinata sat together on the floor while the twins, Neji and Haku stood in the outer part of the room. The only one actually standing and looking at me in the eye was Sasuke. I wonder how long it will take before the nurses have a cow with how many people are in this room.

"You're an idiot." Was the first thing Sasuke said the entire visit.

"You're welcome, un." My head reels back when Sasuke suddenly began yelling.

"That wasn't a 'Thank you'! You could have died trying to get me back! Why would you do something so stupid for someone that isn't even your brother?!" He slams his hands on the rails of the bed, leaning over Kimimaro so he can get in my face.

"Well I'm alive, so I'd say the mission was a success. All I care about right now is that you are safe, un." I gave Sasuke a patient smile, but on the inside I was close to slapping him.

"You should have let Orochimaru take me instead of risking your own life. I can take care of myself!"

I roll my eye, straightening my back, "Yes, says the one that got kidnapped. You're still a kid, you need to understand that we adults exist to protect and watch over you, un."

His face twists in frustration, "You're not even an adult yet… you will someday be weaker than me. I DON'T NEED SOMEONE LIKE YOU TO PROTECT ME!"

SMACK

In that split second of Sasuke losing his cool, I had thrown myself onto my feet, ripping out all the needles in the process. Sasuke now lays on the ground with a bloody handprint painted on his cheek. Nobody moved, except for my brothers because I nearly collapsed the moment I registered that I moved.

"Do you understand what would have happened had Orochimaru gotten you?! You would have been experimented on, your body modified to his liking! He would have used you as his new vessel, willingly or not. Yes, I am a teenager, but I have been a parent since I was 11 to both you and my brothers, un!" The air was thick with tension as I struggled to catch my breath.

Sasuke touches his cheek and stares at the blood now rolling down his fingers, looking at the blood pooling from under my right arm, "That doesn't excuse the fact that I am not your family…"

"Not my family?! Sasuke, the moment you started coming to my house, you became my family! Everyone in this room, like it or not, is my family! It doesn't matter if it was you or Naruto, or Kimimaro! I would have risked my life for any one of you in this room! I've done it before, and I'll do it again if I have to!" I grab Sasuke by the collar with my left hand, "So yes, one day you will surpass me. But until then, you are someone I will protect at the cost of my own life. Don't like it? Tough. Become stronger than me then."

Sasuke stares at me in shock, silence rolled in the room once again, until I started to become dizzy and had to lay back down.

A nurse saw how many people were in my room and proceed to kick everyone out, Sasuke was the last to leave as he gave me the scariest look I have ever seen a child make, "I will become stronger, so that when the time comes… I will be the one doing the protecting, and not you."

I laid there baffled for a moment, before allowing my brotherly smile to cross my face, "I love you too Duck-kun. Train hard with Naruto, un."

 _3 days later_

Tsunade still wanted me to be at the hospital, honestly if it wasn't for the girls always visiting I would be dying of boredom. It was cute listening to them talk about boys and other silly things, Ino would also show up with flowers. I noticed her and Karin would have a lot of one-on-one conversations, their personalities do match up, so the friendship was cute.

The one thing that bothered me was that Itachi never visited. I tried asking Sakura about it but she said that Itachi hasn't been talking to anyone but Sasuke, and Sasuke was tight-lipped about the subject.

I was only allowed out of the hospital long enough to see Naruto and Sasuke leave with Jiraiya. With help from Sakura, Hinata,and some crutches due to my legs being weak, I made it to the gate. Itachi was talking with Sasuke.

"Did you pack everything? Scrolls, clothes, money, kunai and personal items?" Itachi sounded like a mom sending their child to summer camp… for killing people.

Sasuke rolls his eyes, "Yes Nii-san. I made sure I packed everything."

"Ah! DEIDARA-NII!" Sakura had to hit Naruto so I wouldn't get tackled by my brother.

"Naruto! Deidara-sensei can barely stand on his own, don't tackle him!" Sakura chided Naruto, though I didn't appreciate her talking about my jelly legs.

"Sakura-san! Deidara-san is sensitive about his legs." Hinata jumped into the conversation as I resisted the urge to beat myself upside the head with my crutches. I love you Hinata, but stop talking about my legs!

I look over to the Uchiha brothers, Sasuke was giving me his usual smirk. Guess he was prepared for anything thrown at him. But… Itachi won't even look at me in the eyes, he kept his attention focused on the chatting trio. In fact, when I moved to wave at him, he looked away to Sasuke.

'Fine… if he wants to keep his distance I'll give him that.' I turn to Naruto, "All set baby?"

Naruto gives me a thumbs up, Kimimaro shows up out of nowhere to hug Naruto from behind, "Heehee, Kimi-nii helped me pack! I'm so excited to get stronger and kick ass, dattebayo!"

I laugh, "Well expect some scrolls from me in the future. I want you to work on fuuinjutsu, it is in your blood after all, un." Naruto looked confused for a moment, but then his eyes lit up remembering that I told him about the Uzumaki clan specialized in fuuinjutsu.

"Oi! Come on you brats!" Jiraiya waved the boys over. Giving Naruto a kiss on the cheek and Sasuke a kiss on the head, the two caught up with Jiraiya and vanished with distance.

"Nii-sama, I will visit you at the hospital when I return from my mission." I nod towards Kimimaro as he leaves. Now it was just me, Sakura and Itachi.

"Itachi… Did I do something to make you mad at m-" Before I could finish my sentence, Itachi leaped to a rooftop and jumped away.

Sakura looks at me confused, "What's the matter with Itachi-san?"

I sigh, "I don't know Sakura… this is the first time I've seen him in 10 days…"

 _That night_

 **3rd person POV**

While Deidara slept in the hospital, he got a visitor in the middle of the night.

Itachi snuck in from the open window, years of training and being in the ANBU made him a master of sneaking around in darkness. He walked over to the sleeping blond and stared at him for the longest time.

' "Did I do something to make you mad" huh? No… not in the slightest…' Itachi moves the bangs from Deidara's face, "You worried me sick for a week… but you pulled through… you protected Sasuke, even when he wasn't your brother."

Itachi kneels by the bed so he was at eye level with the blond, "When you were fighting Taro… all I could think of was making sure you stayed alive… even with Sasuke returned… all I wanted was for you to get healed as your body kept twitching. I was afraid to lose you…"

He quickly hides in the shadow when a night nurse enters the room to change Deidara's IV. He would twitch a little in his sleep, but otherwise didn't stir.

When the nurse left, Itachi returned to his original position, "I didn't know what I was feeling… so I kept my distance. It was only when I saw you again… alive and standing, that I came to my conclusion…"

Praying to ever Kami out there that Deidara stayed asleep, Itachi leans down and gently places his lips over the other's. He remained like this for a moment, enjoying the peaceful look on Deidara's face before pulling away.

"I love you. And I will make sure you know this when you return home… so heal quickly."

The Uchiha left, unaware that the artist's eyes were wide open the moment his back was turned.

* * *

 **Well, the boys are gone for 2 ½ years.** ( **I know they keep saying 3 but later in the show they kept saying 2 ½** ) **Deidara will make a full recovery thanks to Tsunade, and Itachi finally understands himself! Yay!**

 **I made up Taro with the idea that Orochimaru would do anything to get rid of someone like Deidara, who has been a thorn in his side since the guy was 11. The only way to ensure Dei lived was either to use the curse mark or deus ex Madara, and Madara felt like a cheap shot because so far Deidara has never killed anyone with his own hands. He's used his explosives, but never by brute force. So I thought it would be interesting to add in a bit where Dei HAD to use the one thing he never wanted to use in order to live.**

 **I didn't feel like putting more details into the OC Kiba fought… Might do a side story on it, I might not. I needed a 4th member and it was a pain trying to make someone that Kankuro could kill. But holy shit Suigetsu is fun to write!**

 **Okay! Now for the information bit! The next 2 chapters will follow formats similarly to my 5 year timeskip. Except with 1 catch: The first chapter will focus on Deidara's time in Konoha, and the second will be Naruto and Sasuke's time traveling; both ending with the boys about to take their first steps back into Konoha.**

 **The boys left earlier than in the anime, as a result most of the fillers will be offscreen and done with different characters.** ( **Don't worry, the chibi Ranmaru will be fine, it's called having Kimimaro involved and I do not want to type that filler out.** ) **However, Deidara will be involved in a few of my favorite fillers because of how often I watched them. BUT, not everything that happens will be related to stuff from the anime, 90% of it will be Deidara interacting with various characters and setting up key plot points in shippuden. There will be no Akatsuki whatsoever.**

 **Naruto and Sasuke's chapter will focus on their training, and random antics the boys get themselves stuck in.** ( **Think the shinobi mailman episode** ) **Along with reactions relating to events Deidara does in the next chapter.** **There was one filler that happened in shippuden that I sadly did not type out in the main story, and instead will be a side story somewhere near the beginning of shippuden.**

 **Both chapters will be longer than usual, so please be aware that I may not update Wednesday as I am starting winter classes in college. So at the latest, expect an update next weekend. I may post earlier, but you will just have to wait and see.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next time!**

 **Bye!**


	30. Busy (part 1)

**Well there was a slight change of plans. Due to the sheer length of the chapter, plus I had even more stuff I wanted to write, Deidara's part of the time skip will be 2 parts. I am 99% sure Naruto and Sasuke's chapter will just be 1 part.**

 **Just heads up, if at some point while reading this, you ask yourself** "Where is *insert filler bit here*?" **The most likely case is it never happened because Sasuke never went to Orochimaru, Deidara was not aware that it happened, or it happens off screen, like Ranmaru's filler. It happened the exact same way as in the anime just with Kimimaro and less talk-no-jutsu. Also these actual filler episodes will most definitely be out of order.** ( **Please note that there are only a very small handful of actual fillers** )

 **Lastly I have one important announcement to make that I'm gonna address right away: Because of how much homework I am getting at college (plus my professor tell us ahead of time what we are working on), updates will now be once a week. It sucks, I know, but until further noticed, I will only update on weekends.**

 **Holy shit we hit 400 followers! Woohoo! You guys are amazing! Thank you all so much for following, favoriting and reviewing! Honestly it keeps me motivated even when I'm borderline going nuts from stress.**

 **Notsae: Nope! I'm going with deus ex Madara, sounds like a play on words. :P**

 **crazby: Actually using math and information from the light novels, Itachi joined the Akatsuki when he was about 12. I went with this as it made the most sense mathematically. Also I'm enjoying your story so far! :D**

 **setokayba2n: It's all good. Glad I could clarify for you. Also Dei does not have an animal summon, I saw no point in one as he can make anything he wants for less chakra… and any summons he would have would just die within minutes lol.**

 **VenaHope: Orochimaru is a main antagonist for Deidara, that's for sure. But the real threat is still Black Zetsu, since he will be doing all he can to bring back mommy-dearest. I'm happy you liked the realism, it would make sense for Deidara to get his ass kicked when he's entering something blind, or even semi-blind. In reality, Deidara can easily get his ass kicked if you just push the right buttons.**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Yeah no Hidan for a while, sorry hun. Also yeah, no Idate. I actually never watched that filler and I forgot he existed, so Deidara isn't even aware of him. Also that exam… it will be in the next part… buuuuuuutttttt Deidara is 99.9% blind with the exception of the knowledge of Fuu getting captured. He doesn't even know what that girl is like. So he's gonna try, but we all know what happens when you walk into something blind. Bad stuff happens.**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: … You beautiful creature you. Never fail to make mine and my beta's day. :3**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: Or both really. Daddy!Dara is never happy when he sees Dei in trouble. Uchihas in general are very awkward with anything involving emotions, so it makes sense the brothers act like silly ducks. (or weasel for Itachi) Also Dei's hair isn't gonna grow, it will float. Soooo think ghibli movies like Howl's Moving Castle. Very animated and flowy.**

 **Mad167: Don't hurt your throat hun! :D**

 **Asia1990: My beta mentioned the saiyan part when I read that bit to her actually lol. I may do something with Kiba, I may not, I'm pretty apathetic when it comes to that fight. Dei will go to Uzushio in the next chapter/part, alone for… reasons. Specific reasons but… reasons. You'll see. :D**

 **ladybug002: I'm so bad at romance XD I'm glad you all like my terrible handle of it.**

 **WhiteFang001: Dei loves his boys, they're his little chicks and he's a scary momma hen. XD**

 **duchessliz: Itachi is gonna try to . But Deidara was already awake, and I am a mood killer. You'll see.**

 **wyattharto8: Woohoo! Binge reading! I do that too often with the fics I find too. Thanks for the support hun!**

 **EgyLynx: …Um… I'm sorry I don't understand your review hun. I'm guessing you are asking if that was the end? Then no, not even close.**

 **Bcp2005: Not at all, I want to see Dei kill more too.**

 **LeWeeaboo: Never feel pressured to review, just knowing you are reading my story makes me a happy author. :3**

 **Warning: Violence, language, cheese, shipping, awkward ass funerals (Oh yeah, I did that episode), character death, miscommunication. Once again this is a yaoi!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, wish I would so I could redo the Deidara vs Sasuke fight to actually make more sense.**

* * *

 _Year 0, April_ ( **AN: for the sake of keeping track of how months work, I will just list the actual months, but no dates. Just assume the boys left Konoha near the beginning of the month.** )

I had a sudden thought process while laying in that hospital bed that made me cringe, spooking the nurse checking on me, 'Crap… I haven't told Madara about the fight.' I could try to keep the fight a secret… nah, he would be able to tell.

I eyed the nurse in the room, 'Young… always avoiding eye contact… soft spoken too… and based on the fact she had to poke me with a needle 3 times until she got the right spot, she's either new or a Hinata 2.0.' I give her a charming smile, which for some reason actually works on girls, "Excuse me, miss?"

The nurse jumps a little in surprise, "Y-yes?" Oh Kami she's blushing, sorry sweetheart but I am spoken for.

"Would it be possible for no one to enter this room for the next hour? I didn't get much sleep and I think I need to nap, un." In reality I slept like a log, but she doesn't need to know that detail. She gives me an unsure look, "I promise I will stay in bed."

The nurse stares at me for a moment, before nodding her head and scurrying out the room. I can hear her scribbling something on my door sign. I quickly make work to seal the room without getting out of bed, good thing my bed is against a wall.

"Summoning jutsu: edo tensei." Since I have no reason to be flashy, I simply allow the coffin to appear and fall open.

"What is the matter this time Dei-" I think I somehow managed to break Madara. He's staring at me with his mouth hanging open and his eyes roaming over the room. Not a good sign.

I let out a nervous chuckle, "I uh… Kinda got in a tough fight over a week ago, un." Instantly regretting my choice of words as now I have a pissed off Uchiha staring me down.

"Why didn't you summon me?"

Shrinking slightly, "They were faster than me. When I tried to summon you, I would get hit with lightning chakra, un."

Madara's back straightens, "So you nearly died because of speed and a weakness to lightning chakra? And you lost to… What I am guessing is some nameless shinobi?" When I nodded, he sighs, "Once you have recovered, I will personally train you in taijutsu. I can't have you dying on me."

I didn't argue, I just nodded while keeping my head down. Though, I did not expect for Madara to ruffle my hair.

"Do try not to get in this mess again, I am fond of you, I'd rather you not die on my watch."

I look at him confused, "Why do you care so much, un?"

The Uchiha steps back into his coffin, "You are my second chance at redemption." And vanishes into the ground.

 _A few days later_

Tsunade finally discharged me from the hospital once she was confident that I could walk on my own. Seeing as how I made a mad dash to the apartments… yeah I'm fine.

Yanking the apartment door open, I had to narrowly dodge Itachi throwing a kunai due to reflexes. Seeing the shocked Uchiha, I tackle him into a hug, "Never let me stay at a hospital that long ever again, un." I give him my best puppy eyes… eye. You know it's really hard to pull it off when you only have one usable eye.

It takes Itachi a moment to recover before he returns the hug, with the obvious intention of not letting go anytime soon, "Then do not get into such dangerous situations…" He rests his head on top of mine, seemingly trying to calm down from the previous surprise.

I nuzzle my face into his shoulder, pleased by the smell. It's at least a major upgrade from the sterile smell of the hospital, "I'm sorry…"

I feel Itachi shake his head, "You have nothing to apologize for. Orochimaru was just a step ahead of you for once. We just need to prepare you for any future dangers."

I sweatdrop, "Madara... plans on training me in taijutsu. He wasn't too happy seeing me in a hospital, un." I wasn't sure if it was a good thing he would train me, or if I should be afraid. Based on the fact that this same Uchiha spent most of his life fighting the Shodai Hokage… I am definitely nervous.

Itachi goes quiet for a moment, "Dei… I'm sorry for avoiding you. I visited the hospital one night, but you were asleep and I-" I interrupt him with a gentle kiss.

Pulling away, "I heard you… every word. Did you forget that I'm a light sleeper, un?" In a way, I was expecting him to be upset, but instead his shoulders slump with relaxation.

"I'm not the best with expressing myself, but I promise that I will do my best. Because I do love you Deidara." He presses his forehead against mine.

A playful smirk grows on my lips, mostly trying to hide the blush that I know was forming on my face,, "I love you too Itachi, but don't push yourself past your comfort zone. I want everything to be mutual, un." Based on the beautiful smile that was on Itachi's face, he agreed.

 _The next day_

I finally had the time to introduce Kisame and Zabuza. According to Itachi, the two have passed by each other, but never have formally introduced themselves.

Kisame and Zabuza stare at each other blankly, before Kisame spoke up, "You're here because of the kid too, huh?" Well, at least it's a light conversation.

Zabuza nods, "Yes, my adoptive son Haku and I were supposed to die several months ago. But for some reason, the brat decided that we were worth saving." Okay boys, I get it, I'm short and young, you don't have to rub it in!

Kisame nods in understanding, "I see, well…" Suddenly both men swing their swords at each other violently, "Let's see how good you are, Momochi Zabuza."

Zabuza crouches down, his sword resting against his back, "I can say the same about you Hoshigaki Kisame."

I sweatdrop, "Um… Glad to know you two are getting along… I'm gonna take Haku yukata shopping." Neither man seem to hear me as they continued their fighting. As a result, I awkwardly left to take Haku shopping.

Later that evening, I learn that after their battle, the two Swordsmen exchanged battle stories over sake. Good to know that they enjoy each other's company, and that they didn't flood Konoha.

 _One Week Later_

I was going stir crazy staying in the village all the time. All I have been allowed to do was paperwork for Tsunade. I don't care if handling S-rank documents is considered important, give the job to Izumo and Kotetsu!

Itachi and I were at the Hokage's office to submit my report on the archives when I finally snapped, "Tsunade-sama, for the love of Kami, please give me a mission outside of this damn village. I feel like if I have to look at one more stack of documents, I'm going to explode, un!" Itachi takes a step to the side, barely missing my arms as I shot them out.

Tsunade gives me a hard look, "You have been in Konoha for your safety, I will not send you out in a combat mission."

Now my arms are in the air, "I don't care about that! It can be a C-rank! Just as long as it's outside of Konoha, un!" I plead to Tsunade, all of the fun missions popped up around this time, I need a distraction.

Tsunade quickly gives in, realizing that she was in a losing battle, "Fine… I have one you may be interested in. Someone requested a substitute head mourner for a family funeral. I will allow you to take this mission, but you need to prepare proper funeral attire and Itachi will go with you as well." Oh! I know this mission, specifically it is my second favorite single-episode filler in the original series, right behind the Kakashi's face one.

Without hesitation, I nod with a beaming grin, "So black kimono for me and black funeral clothes for Itachi. Got it, un!" I already own a mostly black wardrobe with some bright blue here and there. Taking the Uchiha's hand, I drag him to the apartment and pack our things in a scroll.

"A mission you recognize?" Itachi didn't mind joining on the mission, I think he's just happy that I'm not in a gloom and doom state anymore.

I gently place a kiss on his cheek, "Of course, I'm rather fond of this one too with how stupid it is. I'm incharge of this mission, un." Itachi simply nods and we head out to the Kagetsu estate.

We reached the land by the late afternoon, Futa gave us the will, but Itachi was the one to read it. I had little to no interest in the nitty-gritty details.

"... If you laugh, you lose all of your inheritance… What an unprofessional way to handle death." Of course Itachi would think that, the Uchiha clan was traditional in their funerals.

I give him a small smile, "Growing up, I would always tell my friends that if I die, cremate my body and have karaoke at the funeral, un." This earned a sweatdrop from Futa, "What? I'm dead, why should I care how they handle the whole thing?"

"Ah… um…" He nervously looks at Itachi, who has remained passive the entire time, "You will be taking my stead as head mourner?"

"No, Deidara will." I have never seen someone lose color in their face so fast. Nice to know this man had faith in me, "Despite his childish demeanor, he is a skilled jounin capable of killing all of his emotions and remain unmoved by foolish actions."

This was just Itachi's fancy way of saying I get bored easily.

Futa seemed unsure, but nodded. Afterwards we head to the main room for dinner that his younger sister made.

"It's poisoned." Itachi and I spoke in unison, though I had my verbal tic.

Futa dropped his chopsticks, "How do you know?! My sister made this food! How could you say that a family member would poison it?!"

"I was an ANBU captain by the age of 12." Was Itachi's reasonable response.

"If I cannot see the food being prepared, then it is poisoned, un." Was my unreasonable response.

The siblings looked between the two of us, before the sister chimed in, "The… door was unlocked… anyone could have walked in…"

Dumb woman… even if this is all of Futa's father's plan to make the family funny again. With a sigh, I get up from my seat, "Show me how the kitchen works, after that you will get the hell out of the room and only Itachi may enter, un." She tried to protest, but a single glare from me send her scurrying into the kitchen to instruct me on how the cooking worked.

Futa looks over to Itachi, "... Why is he in charge?"

My boyfriend sighs, "Let's just say my partner… he is someone who likes to be the one calling the shots." He calmly cleans up the dishes and disposes of the food, wisely avoiding more questions.

Dinner ended up being a bowl of rice with a side of fish, tempura, and a western style salad. When asked on the greens my natural response was, "Shut up and eat."

At night in our shared room, Itachi looks up at me after laying his head on my chest, "Are you sure you will not laugh?" He gently takes one of my hands in his and pulls the blanket up to his shoulder so we are covered.

I run my other hand through his silky black hair with a calm smile, "I have a specific type of humor. What these pathetic excuses of jokers have is nothing on me, un." Unless they suddenly turned into anthropomorphic animals, all with bad speech impediments, slapstick humor doesn't work on me.

Satisfied with my response, he nuzzles his face back onto my chest, "What was that poison anyway?"

"Laughing, it would have made us laugh like a bunch of idiots for a few days… I'm curious to know what you would look like laughing in that manner, un…" I shiver, "Nevermind, please remain passive Itachi."

"With pleasure…" And with that, the two of us fell asleep.

 _The next day_

I effortlessly put on my kimono and tie my ponytail up using a black ribbon. Itachi wore the same type of funeral clothes most of the people in Konoha wear. He would sit behind me during the funeral, but only for the first few minutes to make sure I was okay. After that, he would scout.

The other sister of Futa, Tsukiko, arrived with her husband along with the other family members. Futa claimed that he had a cold, and Tsukiko took one look at me and instantly thought I would be easy, unlike the emotionless shinobi standing behind me.

I calmly sat with the family when that ridiculous monk entered the room. Sitting in front of me, a single strand of hair flew off his head… I just inhale. When the monk bowed to me, the second to last hair flew off, I felt all of the family members look at me, expecting me to at least crack a smile.

'Must… resist urge…' I can't help myself, 'To pluck… stray hair…' My OCD is killing me. All I could do was sit there with a twitching eye as I thought of symmetrical things.

"Now then, allow me to begin." Just before he hit the bell, the final strand of hair flew away. The family members became increasingly frustrated when all I did was relax in my spot. Yay, he was perfectly bald now.

I have no idea how Japanese funerals actually work, so when the sister sat down the tray and the first guy went over I was just confused… and then the man's pants ripped and revealed a Gai green thong.

Itachi was quick to cover my eye as soon as he heard the rip.

Tsukiko glares at Itachi, "What are you doing, young man?"

The Uchiha keeps my eye covered as he blankly looked at the woman, "The only person who Deidara will see exposed in such a way are his brothers and me, the exception being hot springs. I will not allow his mind to be soiled by such a vulgar display."

I love you too dear.

The ripped pants man leaves and replaces with a business man with a Snape nose… crap. I know this gag.

Business Snape begins to inhale several times before sneezing out a flower. I had to cover my snicker with a sneeze of my own, I forgot I found shit like that funny.

"Young man, did you just laugh?"

I glare at Tsukiko, "I lack the ability to laugh during such events. However you should have your relatives clothes and health checked out, it appears you all came ill-prepared to mourn the loss of your family head, un." At this response, the old bag glared at me while Itachi politely excused himself to go scout the area. I can feel Futa's heart race now that I am alone.

One after another, each family member tried to make me laugh… each one failing, and on occasion would earn a yawn. I live with Naruto, this stuff is nothing to what I deal with at home.

Allowing my voice to be soft, "Tis a shame no one understands how to do ironic and dry humor, this is all child's play, un." I smirk when Tsukiko gained a tick mark. Returning my voice to normal, "Thank you for today. And thank you for allowing me to be the substitute head mourner." I bow lowly to the monk, who in turn bows back.

Before the monk could leave, Tsukiko requests her husband says his thanks.

I nearly threw up when the man removed the kimono part of his clothes revealing the paint. Tsukiko using a squirt gun to make his man boobs look like they are crying, making the monk laugh while her husband danced.

'Ewwwww ew ew gross! Man boobs! I did not need to see that! Think of Itachi at a hot springs!' That oddly worked as I pretty much put myself in a self-imposed genjutsu of my boyfriend… this resulted in me staring in the distance with a dazed, dreamly look. Itachi is a very useful distraction.

A gentle shake of my shoulder snaps me out of my genjutsu, "Deidara, it is time to return home. The mission was a success." Itachi was standing beside me as laughter in the background filled the air.

"Oh… Talk-no-jutsu, un?" I slowly stand, having to cling to Itachi as my legs were numb and the blood left my head from standing to fast.

"Hn."

Futa bowed to us in thanks as we left. Things were all quiet until…

"What did you see in your genjutsu?"

I turn bright red, "None of your business Itachi, un!"

"Oh… so me then."

The rest of the trip back was me chasing my boyfriend shouting profanities.

 _Year 0, late May_

Seems like all the fun shit is happening right away. I just learned that Kimimaro was sent off to deal with Mizuki, and I learned Sakura and Neji were finally promoted to chunin. ( **AN: Shikamaru, Sakura and Neji were all promoted during the chunin exams because of either their skills or how they handled their fights.** )

I must say, I envy Kimimaro, I wanted to kill Mizuki.

 **Kimimaro's POV**

The moment I learned that the man who tried to kill Otouto escaped prison, I didn't hesitate to take the mission.

Heading to the location where Mizuki was last spotted, a woman began to follow me. She was a chunin from what I could get, and for some reason she felt the need to tell me that he is working with Orochimaru and she withheld information from Konoha.

"It doesn't matter who or what Mizuki is planning, his heart will cease to beat by sundown." I coldly look at the woman as her face twists with conflicted shock. I have wanted this man to die since Otouto graduated from the academy, and now my chance is presented to me on a silver platter. Also Nii-sama wishes him dead, that alone is a good enough reason for me.

"What?! Why would you kill Mizuki? I thought Konoha just wanted him returned to prison. I want to help him, not see him dead!" Apparently this woman misheard me.

"I am not you. I am Kaguya Kimimaro, older brother of Uzumaki Naruto. I'm sure you have heard of me, I am the one that uses bones." To prove my point, I calmly pull my bone blade from my shoulder, "Mizuki attacked Naruto the night of his academy graduation, tried to kill him even. I do not care what your feelings for him is, you are not me, all I see is a threat to my family that I must eradicate. Get in my way, and I will take you down."

That last bit was a half-lie, I will take her down, but I will not kill her. I will just knock her out and return her to Konoha later. Nii-sama would be upset if he learns I killed an innocent person that was not a threat. Though, it seems my threat rang well in her head as she slowed down, giving me the chance to lose her in the trees.

Reaching a clearing, I see who I am to assume is Mizuki with two large twins, neither one seemingly very bright looking. Prison seemed to do the man some good, as he is now more muscular than what his photo looks like on the mission files.

"Ah, if it isn't the fox demon's big brother. What? Come to enact revenge for him?" Mizuki has a rather boisterous personality, and cocky too.

I merely nod and point my bone sword at him, "As a matter of fact yes, this bone is from the denses level of calcium my body can produce, it will find comfort meeting your throat." Mizuki actually backs away from my calm proclamation, "Did you expect me to say that I'm here to make you turn yourself in? No, I am not. I am here to rid of you so that you do not become a threat to Otouto later on." The twins back away, seemingly afraid of me. It must be my eyes, Ukon and Sakon alway say that I have scary eyes when I am focused on my brothers.

Mizuki's cocky face twisted into one of pure rage, "Don't mock me, you brat!" I am not mocking you, I am stating that I will kill you, there is a difference. Orochimaru must have given the man a curse mark or a medicine, as his body morphed into one of an anthropomorphic tiger, "DIE!"

Words and actions are two entirely different subjects, according to Mizuki's claims, I should be dead. But my actions spoke louder than his words, as the moment he came close to me, the bone sword lodged itself right in the softest part of his next and through his spinal cord. The tiger man falls to the ground, dead at an instant.

The twins slowly began to back away, fearing for their lives when I looked at them, "Stay there. My mission was to kill Mizuki, you two will return to prison." Obediently staying in one spot as more shinobi arrive at the scene, one of them being Nii-sama.

Nii-sama took one look at the bloody mess that was Mizuki before giving me a tight hug, "You did a good job Kimimaro, you ended a threat while also making sure he did not suffer, un." I have a feeling Nii-sama would have made him suffer. ( **AN: My beta has informed me that Mizuki apparently was hard to beat/kill in the anime… I'm going with the logic that Kimimaro's bones are special, considering he had the capability to overpower Gaara when sick.** )

I felt pride swell up inside me at the praise, after reporting to Shizune about the mission and watching the twins getting taken away, Nii-sama took me out to barbecue for dinner. I love these moments where I can have Nii-sama all to myself or with Otouto… And not with Itachi.

 _The rest of year 0_ ( **AN:Sorry I got lazy and this chapter got really long** )

Today is beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, I can feel the children running around playing shinobi… and I swear, THIS UCHIHA IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

"FUCKING SH-" I was cut short when a certain Lord McPoofhair Uchiha slammed his foot into my chest and sent me flying into some trees.

Yep… beautiful day indeed.

"Your stance was off and you are not moving to dodge. We need to work on your speed Deidara." Why I agreed to train with Madara, I will never know. This has been going on ever since I was able to keep up with Gai after being released from the hospital.

Getting myself back onto my feet, I had to dodge yet another attack from Madara. He doesn't even have his sharingan activated, yet he's still kicking my ass! Granted, he is considered to be one of the most powerful shinobi to ever exist, "I'm trying to dodge you! I never had to grow up in a war-torn environment at a young ag- YIPE!" Barely dodged one of Madara's fists, at least I was able to dodge that!

"No excuses. You're getting faster but not at a rate I'm happy with. When you go on missions, I want you wearing weights." He folds his arms while my shoulders slump, "Are we clear?"

I bow my head, with an exasperated sigh, "Yes Madara-sama, un." And then I got a foot connecting with my stomach.

"We will continue next week, do not let your guard down for anything." Madara returns to his coffin and vanishes from sight.

I wince while rubbing the bruises that are most likely forming on my body, "Glad to know you care so much, un. I can feel the love in my heart." Actually, I think that was just a bruise. I should go see Sakura about these.

 _Year 1, February_

"Eh? Ambassador?" The confusion was evident in my voice as I stood in front of Tsunade. I was summoned to her office this morning, usually she just has someone drop off a series of missions for me to do throughout the week. Rarely does she request I enter her office anymore… mostly because I scare clients.

"Yes… Yagura was killed and replaced with a new Mizukage. For some unexplained reason, this one requested you to come to Kirigakure to start an alliance with Konoha… along with one shinobi of your choosing." Tsunade seemed both disgruntled and impressed at the same time, I guess me going means less paperwork for her to deal with.

I tilt my head, "Okay… I think I know who I want to come with me. Who is the new Mizukage, un?" Honestly it was a stupid question. But with how much I may have potentially changed, it was best to ask first, jump to conclusions later.

Tsunade slaps down two travel papers, "Terumi Mei."

 _Several hours later_

"So why am I your plus one?" Zabuza was hot on my tail on another chocobo as we headed for Kirigakure, "I thought Yagura ordered for my head the moment I step into the Land of Water."

So he doesn't know that Yagura is dead yet, "You'll see, just tell any Kiri shinobi we meet that you're with me, un." When we arrived at the gate, the same shinobi from last time greeted us. When he opened his mouth to bark orders I hold my hand up, "Shut up pup before I tell Mizukage-sama that you kept them waiting, un."

Recognizing my voice, the now pale shinobi quickly escorts me to the Mizukage building, I could tell Zabuza was impressed but also confused by how quickly I was able to get work done.

I happily skip into the Mizukage office to see Mei lounging on a rather lovely looking sofa. The entire room now looks like it received the woman's touch and not a single ANBU in sight. The only other person in the room was Ao, guess Chojuro wasn't in Mei's service yet.

I whistle my approval, "This is quite the upgrade Mei-neechan! Yagura had a bunch of ANBU in the room when I talked with him, un." I sat down when Mei motioned to a chair. Zabuza was still awkwardly standing in the hallway like an idiot.

Mei giggles softly, "Ao is a dear comrade of mine. I wanted to show that I trusted Konoha, for the sake of Kirigakure." Ao seemed both disgusted at my informality with Mei, and disgruntled that she was letting it happen.

I nod, "Makes sense, I'm not the best at politics, but I hope Kirigakure and Konoha become stronger allies. Oh!" I wave Zabuza over, who shuffles into the room, "I brought Zabuza as a second ambassador, un."

Zabuza nods to Mei, then looks at me, "Kid, I'm lost. I thought we were going to speak with the Mizukage, who is a shrimp. That's a beautiful woman." Wow Zabuza, blunt aren't we?

Mei almost instantly perked up at the compliment, "Thank you Zabuza-san, I am the Godaime Mizukage, Terumi Mei. I fought Yagura in a battle and won." Oh Kami… she's batting her eyelashes.

"Strong and beautiful? This I gotta hear." Zabuza plops into a chair, "Yagura was the strongest shinobi in this village, what did you do to kill him?"

Mei crosses her covered leg over her exposed leg, her posture relaxed yet confident, "Well, you see-" She seems to remember that a 16 year old was present in the room, "Ao, escort Deidara around the village, answer all his questions and discuss negotiation terms with him. I will determine them myself later."

Ao sputters for a moment, "But-" He stops when Mei gives him the ultimate death glare, "Y-yes." He motions me to follow, which I do after a moment. Only one thought process could form in my head while leaving the room.

'Ship, ship ship ship. I ship it so hard!'

 _A few hours later_

Kiri was a rather lovely place… in a misty, gloomy weather kind of lovely. Reminded me of my past life. Ao and I mostly talked about Kiri's future plans to recover from the civil war, we both agreed that it was best that their genin do not participate in the next chunin exams. He even took me to the academy, and I spoke with the senseis about how Konoha handles graduation.

Needless to say, Kirigakure now has a new graduation system. In order to graduate you must be able to walk on water and perform 3 basic genin jutsus or 1 genin jutsu and 1 elemental jutsu. I didn't really understand the walking on water bit, but it was better than having children slaughtering each other. Plus it promotes good chakra control.

Though, I think neither of us expected what we were witnessing when we returned to the building.

"So Zabuza-san, what do you do on your free time?"

"I usually spend my time with Haku, training him usually."

"Haku?"

"My son. Adoptive. He has ice release and he was orphaned at a young age, I… used him as a tool most of his life, now I'm trying to make up for it by being a good father to the boy."

"My my, you have a soft spot I see."

Oh Kami, the chemistry between them was evident. Zabuza and Mei were swapping stories while drinking tea, only acknowledging us in passing.

This is going to be a long stay.

 _Year 1, March_

I returned home to Konoha a week after being in Kirigakure so I could spend more time with Kimimaro and Itachi, though I chose to drop whatever I was doing when I received a letter… I think I was doing laundry, I'm not sure.

I nearly scared the daylights out of Haku when I threw his apartment door open, "Pack your things! I need to take you to Kirigakure, un."

Haku looks at me confused, but begins packing nonetheless, "Deidara-san? Is everything okay?" He has a good reason for being concerned, I am practically jumping where I am standing.

I let out an excited squeak, "Yes! Now come on, you gotta meet your new mom!" I was so giddy that I forgot to add in an "un."

He pauses, a dazed look in his eyes, "New… mom? Zabuza-san… got married?"

I nod frantically, it was a fast paced relationship, but Zabuza and Mei fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. Zabuza admired Mei's strength and independence while Mei… I honestly am not sure what she sees in him. But I have a feeling it has to do with Zabuza's honesty and because of Haku. She was more than happy with the idea of taking the boy in as her son.

"Well, not yet. They wanted to hold off the ceremony until you arrived and got to know Mei first." I take a deep breath to calm down, "Sorry, I'm just excited. I know Mei will never truly replace the mother you had… but…"

Haku waves his hand to stop me, "No, don't apologize. I… never expected to have a mother again… I never expected to have a father ether… and yet I can call Zabuza-san my father, and now he's found love… I'm happy…" Well, he looks to be close on tears, but I guess it's out of joy.

I gently hug Haku, "Come on, let's get you in something cute." He doesn't even argue as I take him kimono shopping after sealing all of his and Zabuza's things in scrolls. Guess this apartment will be empty now.

I ended up getting Haku in a beautiful night sky-blue kimono that was patterned to look like the aurora borealis was wrapped around it. With a plain dark blue obi. I allowed him to keep his hair up in its normal fashion, and we made it to Kirigakure in record time.

Mei and Zabuza met us at the gate, though Zabuza was staring at Haku, "Deidara… Haku is a boy. This is a girl's kimono." Thank you for enlightening me on such a new fact! I had no idea that this flat-chested human being was in fact a male! Gee, I dress him up all the time and you are finally noticing your own son's gender? Some father you are!

I shrug with a grin, "Girl clothes look best on him, I don't see any problems, un." The swords master chose not to argue with my statement, instead he gives the boy a gentle embrace and a quick apology for the sudden news.

Mei approaches Haku, examining him for a moment, before her eyes lit up. Definitely maternal love at first sight.

She extends her hand to the boy, "I am Terumi Mei, you can just call me Mei if you wish. I hope we can get along."

Haku stares at Mei in awe, before shaking her hand with a polite bow, "Y-yes, pleased to meet you. My name is Yuki… ah, Momochi Haku." He blushes at his mistake. That only seemed to set Mei off.

Without warning, the woman grabs Haku and smothers him in an embrace, "You are adorable! It's official! I am keeping you!" The only reason Haku isn't dying of embarrassment is because I would smother him at every chance. The main difference is, Mei is… ahem… larger. But Haku is tall enough to not be smothered by her.

Zabuza had to carefully remove Haku from Mei's grasp after people began to stare. We retreated into a shrine so Mei and Zabuza can have their ceremony in private, I was there as the witness. It wasn't a big ceremony like Mei dreamt about, but I think she didn't mind she got a husband and a son all in one day.

… Kami their kids will be fucking adorable. I call godfather!

 _Near the end of the month_

"With everything you have done for Konoha… not to mention your actual skills, I'm promoting you to ANBU. Your code name is Okami." Tsunade sets down a plain white wolf ANBU mask, "I thought you would like to take creative liberties with the design."

My eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas, bowing respectfully to Tsunade I grab the mask and the ANBU uniform and head to the Uchiha compound. I didn't feel like buying paint, and Sasuke's would go bad in another year anyway. Since I'm going to be Okami, I decided to paint the mask to look like Amaterasu from… well, Okami.

Putting on the mask and uniform I admire myself in a mirror. I was able to keep my iconic ponytail and my bangs nestled perfectly against the ears of the mask. Now for the fun part. After getting the ANBU tattoo I made my way to the apartments, and snuck up behind Itachi, who was enjoying some tea.

Placing a kunai against his throat, my voice transformed into one that sounded similar to Tobirama in all actuality, "Uchiha Itachi, you are being summoned for questioning." The fact I can hide my verbal tic makes me very happy.

Itachi tenses slightly, "And what am I being questioned for?"

I smirked behind my mask, "Why you ate your boyfriend's pocky supply." I remove the kunai from his neck so I could burst into laughter.

Itachi looks at me with a WTF expression, before tilting his head, "Dei?"

"Fooled ya huh?" I clear my throat to return my voice to normal and remove the mask, "I got promoted and I wanted to scare you, un." I place a hand on my hip, letting the one holding my mask hang.

Itachi blinks a few times before sighing and nodding, "I've gotten so use to your chakra… are you sure you want to be an ANBU? The things they do…"

"Minus watching over the village from a control center*, I already do everything they do. It's just now the village elders can't get on their high horses when I'm caught reading S-rank information." I walk to my boyfriend and put a finger under his chin, "Like what you see, un?" I know wondering eyes when I see them.

The Uchiha lifts his head to remove his chin from my hold and turns back to his tea, "Hn."

He loves it.

 _Year 1, May 5th_

It's my birthday, but it doesn't seem all that special, especially with how the past few weeks have been.

"What's the matter, Dei-chan?" Anko and several jounins are at a tea house with me enjoying sweets, and then there's Kakashi always managing to finish his food when we all blink. Damn him.

"Itachi keeps leaving the village and never tells me where he's going… he even manages to lose me when I chase him. I didn't even know that was possible! Kimimaro followed him one time… but he won't tell me what Itachi's doing, un…" I sigh into my tea, the fact both of them were gone by the time I woke up broke my heart. I don't usually care about my birthday, but it's my day off. I want to be with my family.

Kurenai decides to be the voice of reason, "Maybe he has missions?"

I shake my head then point at my exposed upper arm, "ANBU remember? I checked the records, nothing matched."

Another jounin woman, I don't recognize her but she's a friend of Kurenai, threw in her 2 cents, "He could be cheating on you. Happened to me before." Even the people in the kitchen stopped making sound.

No one else moved as Anko and I looked at each other for a solid minute… before we both burst into hysterical laughter.

"I-Itachi! Uchiha Itachi! Cheating on Dei-chan?! Good one!"

I have tears in my eyes, "I don't even think that's in his vocabulary!"

The jounin was confused, "It's possible, and this Kimimaro guy might be helping him."

Now everyone was laughing, even the workers sounded like they were dying. Kakashi slammed his face into the table to hold in his laughter, while Anko and I were on the floor.

Kurenai was the first to recover, "You may not know this, but Kimimaro is Deidara's brother. The kid worships the ground he walks on, and he'd sooner kill Itachi than let him cheat on his big brother." The jounin's face turns bright red with embarrassment, hestily apologizing to me.

I wave her off, "It's all good. I needed a laugh, un." I pay for my stuff and stand, "I'm going to go talk with Itachi."

Anko pats my back, "Good luck!" She winks at me… Anko, we are not doing anything. Birthday or not.

As I was walking back home, I bump into a woman, "Gah! Sorry." I help her up, taking note of her bandaged hands. She must have a hands-on job.

She giggles and rubs the back of her neck, "It's okay, I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for Uchiha Itachi, do you know where I can find him?"

I think my brain stopped working, I do a once over of the woman. She was rather pretty in a hard working way: standard figure for this world, same with her height and her hair was a dark chocolate brown pulled into a bun, most likely to avoid work accidents in whatever her occupation was. But overall she was pretty, in an average way… Hinata and Sakura were prettier, "Yeah uh… he's…" I shift my foot to sense my surroundings, "The dark wood apartment complex about 100 meters west of the Hyuuga estate, first door on the second floor. If you get lost just ask someone with a headband 'where is Deidara's house?' and they'll be more than happy to point you there, un." I honestly have no idea why I basically just gave this random ass girl my address, but I am keeping in good faith that this is just an innocent conversation, maybe she's a client for an escort mission-

"Oh thank you!" She bows in thanks with a cutesy giggle, lord I have to ask.

I tilt my head, "What exactly is your business with Uchiha-san? He usually does not spend time with women unless it's one of Deidara-san's students." The fact that this lady obviously has no idea who I am makes me suspicious. Then again, my hair IS tied in a braid with my bangs pulled back by a hair clip, because it kept getting in my dango sauce, with a medical eyepatch over my closed eye so I would not be tempted to open it.

She puts a hand over her mouth, "Oh! Itachi-san made me swear not to tell, so I must keep his secrets. But I have to say that he is such a sweet man, and rather handsome too." Lady! You are not helping your situation, or making me not think something is up! She is giving me all the wrong messages, "I could stare into his eyes all day, and his voice is beautiful, I love it whenever he comes to my shop... Ah, forgive me, what is your name by the way?"

I take a deep breath, my hair slowly begins to float due to contained anger, "Deidara." I don't even take a second glance at her panicked expression as I move around her and stormed off to the forested area to calm down, ripping out the hair accessories and eyepatch in the process.

My mind became a broken record, 'It's all a misunderstanding, all a misunderstanding, talk to Itachi, talk to Itachi. Do not do anything rash, there is a perfectly good explanation.' My rant was cut short because I ran into a tree. Yelling in frustration, I focused my chakra into my fist, hitting the tunk and knocking the tree down to the ground, "Why the fuck am I acting like this?! I'm suppose to be rational and think things with a logical standpoint! Why do I feel threatened by some girl just because Itachi has met her before?!"

I lean against another tree before sliding down and tucking my legs to my chest, I need to calm down so I can talk with Itachi civilly. Who knows what may spew out of my mouth while I'm this riled up.

I stayed in that spot even when it got dark, slowly breathing and thinking. My head snapped up when a hand gently ghosted over it, I ended up locking eyes with the man I have grown to love.

"You've been missing since this afternoon. Wanna talk about it?" He crouches to my height, keeping his eyes locked on mine.

I sigh, "Sorry… I… it's just…" I inhale, "You keep leaving without telling me where you're going, even when you don't have a mission. No one will tell me what is going on. Some stupid coworker of mine suggested you were cheating on me-" I laugh at Itachi's raised eyebrow, "I know, stupid huh? I went to go talk with you when I ran into this girl who kept gushing about you and wanted to see you and I…I got jealous okay, un?!" I slam my face in my knees to hide the redness.

Things were quiet, and then I hear a snort, then a chuckle, then the moment I peeked at Itachi, the Uchiha was busting out in laughter. This was the freakiest thing ever, I was mildly concerned that this was a genjutsu because Itachi almost never laughs.

Itachi wipes away a tear in his eye, smiling, "Sorry, I'm finding it amusing how you are trying your hardest to keep your emotions in check for me, when usually you would respond violently to your anger. That girl was the daughter and apprentice for a jeweler I was meeting with. She... well…"

"She has a massive crush on you because Uchiha are naturally hot and you are also a gentleman, I know I know, un." I roll my eye. I should have seen that coming, almost every girl that meets Itachi gets a crush on him.

He nods, "Exactly that, she was sent by the jeweler to deliver my order. Though I wished he had sent his son instead so I didn't have the awkward encounter of your brother returning home with her excessively flirting. He scared her off."

I tilt my head, "Order?" My heart nearly stops when Itachi pulls out a small box, I've seen too many romances to know where this is going.

"I'm not to good at these kinds of things, and I know you have a love-hate relationship with cheesy moments. But I love you, so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and being able to call you mine. So, to make this speech short… will you marry me?" Itachi opens the box to reveal a silver band with a sapphire in the shape of a crescent moon in the metal.

I don't even remember moving, but the next thing I know, I tackled Itachi to the ground kissing him, "Yes! Yes yes, a million times yes!" I'm not sure if I should be laughing or crying. I think I'm doing a mixture of both at the moment while Itachi struggled to get me to be still long enough to put the ring on my finger, "Oh Kami… I thought this world didn't use wedding rings."

"We don't, but I noticed that everyone in your memories that were married had rings on and that your world has stones that correlated with your birth month. Your past life was a sapphire. I was planning on picking the green stone that matches with May… but I know you're not a fan of green." He kisses my forehead, "I wanted to, at the very least, give you the one tradition you missed out on."

Looking at the band, I notice something strange about it, "I can feel your chakra in the stone." I tilt my head in confusion when Itachi removes the band from my finger and shows me a seal on the inside of the metal.

"That's why I was always gone. This jeweler has a kekkei genkai that allows him to fuse chakra into stones. That sapphire is also a way to make sure I am alive. As long as my heart still beats, it won't break, seemed only fitting I had one made using your chakra." He shows his hand, and on his own ring finger, is a matching silver band. But instead of a sapphire, or hell a pearl which is birthstone. His was a bright red ruby, just a simple one cut in a circle… Nevermind it's suppose to be the sun. My boy- fiance, is turning into a cheese platter at this rate.

Now I'm even more confused, "How did you get my chakra, un?"

Itachi chuckles, "Kimimaro snuck one of your C1s to me after he learned that I wanted to propose to you. We were able to extract your chakra and put it in the ring."

I sigh, even though Kimimaro hates Itachi, I guess when it comes to my happiness my beloved baby brother will do whatever he can.

Itachi soon stands and helps me to my feet, "Come on, we'll need to tell your brother and friends the news." He walks but stops and looks at me, "Oh and Dei?"

I tilt my head, "Hm?"

"Happy birthday."

* * *

 **Oh my god, finally these two are going to get MARRIED! I understand you readers have waited a long time, but do you guys know how hard it is, as the author, to have to wait and wait and wait to actually have the stories permission to write a damn marriage?! GAAAAAHHHHHHH! Also Zabuza and Mei are married now! I was squealing while writing it!**

 **Ahem, anyway, this chapter was fun to write. I had the funeral bit pre-written a few weeks back, so that's why it's so long. I was gonna do more filler stuff but… no, I hated how most of them turned out. A reader named Ebony sword requested the Kurenai-Yakumo filler bit WAYYYYY near the beginning of the story, but I just could not write it and enjoy what I made. Sorry about that hun. ^^"**

*According to the Itachi light novels, ANBU watch over the entire village via hidden cameras. So Dei gets to spy on people.

 **Next part will have the wedding, the honeymoon (No lemons!), the Suna chunin exams, Uzushio, and several character interactions in that order. I may or may not have one or two more pairings show up next chapter. :D**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week for part 2.**

 **Bye!**


	31. Busy (part 2)

**For the love of Kami do not expect chapters to be this long in the future. X_x Woooooooo boy, this was a doozy to write. I'm praying the boys' chapter will be shorter.**

 **Thank you guys for all the faves, follows and reviews, this week has been a bundle of stress and it's been nice reading what you all have to say. Also question: should I just delete the troll reviews or keep them and roast them? I don't mind either way because they are so far and few, but it kills my brain cells having to even respond to the, what they believe to be intellectual insults.**

 **wyattharto8: Please don't cry! Be happy! :D**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: He's my husbando that's for certain. Also please don't cry! Why are all you guys crying?! O.O**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: It's a big bundle of emotions really. But that Taro fight was actually a lot of fun to write. Also, why is everyone so emotional lately? XD The boys will definitely have an reaction to them finding out they are now brothers, but that won't appear until the first shippuden chapter.**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: Itachi doesn't need no permission from Madara… well he kinda does, but Anko gets in the way of all that. Naruto and Sasuke will be so confused with how much things will have changed in such a short period of time, but they will all be answered… eventually lol. Thanks for the luck!**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: I know, took me forever to figure out a good time to go to Uzushio without killing the flow. X.x**

 **LeWeeaboo: Glad I made you laugh, and thanks!**

 **VenaHope: Dei's last name will become Uchiha… funny cause he doesn't have a last name, so he gets one! Also Madara will not be the one to give Dei up, that honor belongs to Kimimaro. He is Dei's brother after all. I'm honestly excited myself to see how some Akatsuki members react to the two getting hitched.**

 **UseFistNotMouth: I'm going to be honest. With the wording and the overall tone of your review, it left a bitter taste in my mouth the first time I read it. But after rereading it, I can see why you would be frustrated. But this fanfiction is in the family category, and in order for literal families to be made, there has to be romance between characters. That does not mean I'm going to spend half a chapter describing how characters make-out or have sex or anything like that. Instead it affects how specific characters interact with each other. There will be more people being paired off, there will be talks about their relationship, but I will also be focused on the story at hand. Hope I was able to clear up some things, most pairings will begin in side stories, and not take up time in actual main plotline, with some exceptions like Itachi and Deidara. But if you end up not liking the story anymore, that is perfectly fine, it's your opinion hun. ^^**

 **WhiteFang001: I know! I was fangirling so hard when writing that out while also cringing at how cheesy it was. I suck at doing anything romantic. XD**

 **crazby: The filler's name for the funeral one is called Laughing Shino and is the 186th episode of the original series. Glad you liked the Mei and Zabuza pairing!**

 **Bosspatywafless: Good luck on watching Game of Thones! My best advice for you when watching the show is to not have a favorite character. Trust me, it saves the heart ache. Even if they never die, it still hurts. (My favorite characters are Arya and Tyrion)**

 **HitGamer22: Sadly the boys will be absent during the wedding, and will also be oblivious to the fact the two got married until shippuden. But dude, having Kushina and Deidara bicker would be fun. I may actually do that later in the story when Naruto learns to control Kurama. :D**

 **duchessliz: To be honest I wasn't gonna pair Mei and Zabuza with anyone until someone brought it up. So happy I had them get married, and now Haku has a family! Also Deidara is so gonna try his hardest to get Sasuke to call him Nii-san. XD**

 **Bcp2005: Shukaku will be extracted from Panda-chan. But the arc will not play out like in shippuden.**

 **EgyLynx: It's fine hun. Glad you are enjoying the chapter!**

 **DarkSolaris57: My beta would kill me if I even thought of that idea. Daiki was actually an option at first… but everyone liked Itachi more lol. Plus again, beta would kill me. ^^"**

 **Doctor Corvus: Thanks!**

 **Guest: You really shouldn't talk about yourself that way. :/**

" _Blah_ " - English

* - Explanation at bottom AN

 **Warning: Violence, minors gambling, Anko, language, character deaths and normal deaths, gay marriage, Anko, pregnancy, Uchiha faintings, Anko being Anko, exploitation of jutsu loopholes… did I mention Anko was in this chapter? Cause Anko is in this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: Still do not own Naruto. Also for good measure I also do not own High School Musical.**

* * *

 _Year 1, May (Still)_

"You're really going to marry him, Nii-sama?" Kimimaro hands me a cup of tea and sits down next to me. He's grown more, so now I have to look up at him even when sitting. Now I feel like the little brother.

I allow a small smile to pass my lips, "Yeah… Itachi is… I love him Kimimaro, I know you are not a fan of him, but he makes me happy, un."

Kimimaro sighs and lays his head against the back of the couch, "I don't actually hate him… It's just always been you, me and Otouto… I'm always afraid that you could get hurt. But I realized you would get hurt even with him not being in your life." He gives me a teasing look as a lightly punch his arm.

I tilt my head, "So you are okay with this, un?"

Kimimaro's usually passive face twists like he just ate a lemon, "I don't like the idea of someone defiling my Nii-sama… but as long as he makes you happy." If that's the case… why are you grinding your teeth?

I hug Kimimaro, "Thanks honey. Don't worry, you'll see things differently when you have little ones calling you 'Uncle Kimi', un." My smirk grows as Kimi gives me a dazed look at the idea of kids.

"Mini Nii-samas… Hm… I can scare off people." Kimimaro gets a contemplative look as I laugh and head out to inform Anko.

She was easy to find, then again everyone is easy to find for me. Putting on some earplugs, I drape myself against Anko's back and dangle my ring hand towards her face.

Based on the fact people are holding their ears, she's squealing to the point of borderline screaming. Once I see them unplug their ears, I remove my own earplugs.

"You two are getting married?!" I'm now being smothered by my best friend, "You two are gonna have a big ceremony, and have lots of cute BABIES!" Well, good to know she is thinking about my future?

"Woah Anko. Slow down there, one step at a time. Itachi and I are not going to have a big wedding and children are not for a few more years at the least, un." I try to pacify my overly excited friend, but the idea of a wedding and kids just seemed to make her coocoo for Cocoa Puffs.

"No way! Kids have to happen while you two are young, and I'm in charge of the wedding! What were they like in your past life?" She yanks me down onto the seat.

I pause for a moment to think, "Depends on the couple and culture… but I had a, what we called a 'Western' culture. So the wedding involved long beautiful gowns…" I pull out some paper and a pencil from a scroll and began lightly sketching various wedding dresses, "The bride would be the shining piece of the wedding. No matter how equal the couple was, all eyes were on the bride. Sometimes the bridesmaid or best man would give speeches, sometimes they were funny and some were tear jerkers. There would be music and dancing and a stupid cake, I never liked cake, un."

I kept explaining to Anko about western weddings, drawing as I talked incase I broke into English. I explained to her some of the big differences between these weddings and the ones this world has, which are more like Japanese weddings. I also explained what I hated about both types of weddings, either from the stiffness of western weddings or the fact in Japan, guests are expected to give money to the married couple. I don't like the idea of giving money to someone, I'd personally rather get them something they can use in their household right away. But that may just be me.

But I ended it on this note, "But I hate big weddings. We are only telling those close to us so we can just have a small event and then everyone goes to have a nice dinner. Nothing fancy, un."

Anko nods, "Right. I'll arrange it! Don't worry, I'll keep it small!" And then she was gone.

I have a bad feeling about this.

 _Year 1, June_

Not long after Itachi's birthday, I got kidnapped by Anko and the girls while Itachi somehow got kidnapped by Kisame and several other guys.

"Umm… girls? What the hell are you doing-GAH ANKO!" Despite being male, I quickly cover my chest with my arms after Anko mercilessly removed my shirt. I glare at the teenage trio... excuse me… quartet, Ino is here now, giggling behind me, "What's going on?!"

"Your wedding Dei-chan! Now off with the pants, you gotta put on your kimono!" I had to smack Anko's hand away from getting anywhere near my pants while Karin is practically snorting with laughter.

"I can do this myself thank you, un!" I'm not Mulan trying to please the Matchmaker, why does the whole process have to be so aggressive?!

"Deidara-sensei, you need to take a bath first!" Sakura motions to a bathroom and hands me a towel, I make a beeline for it and lock the door closed.

"Need any help Dei-chan?" Anko knocks on the door. Damn woman sounds like she is having the time of her life.

"Damnit Anko! I love you and all, but please do not come in here, un!" I quickly hop in the bath. This is ridiculous, "How clean am I supposed to be?"

This time, it was Hinata, "You just need to make sure you wash off all the dirt and sweat Deidara-san. My mother had to do the same thing for her wedding." I hear Ino and Sakura make sounds of agreement.

I soak in the water for a few minutes before actually cleaning. Once I was satisfied, I dry off before getting dressed, just my boxers and the underlayer of the wedding kimono. I have no idea how the main piece is suppose to be worn. With a sigh I step out to face the girls, "My wedding is today…?"

Karin nods, "In reality it was Tsunade who picked the date. We know you wanted a small ceremony, but everyone involved wanted to make this special."

I rub my neck, suddenly breathing seemed to become more of a challenge, "Alright... I'm at all of your mercies, un." I bow to them before being lead to the spot where I'm going to be prepared.

"Okay! Sakura, hair! Karin, you and Hinata are on makeup! Ino, help me with the kimono!" There was a unison of "yes ma'am!" as I now had multiple pairs of hands all over me.

'I wonder how Itachi is doing?'

 _With the boys_

 **3rd person POV**

"I don't see why there was a need to grab Itachi right away. The bride always takes the longest to get ready." Kakashi talks through his book as Kisame was being a good best-man and helping Itachi get ready.

"Well with Anko-sensei in charge, Deidara will be dressed faster than you'd think." Sakon just returned after making sure the guests found their spots, Ukon snorted in agreement.

"Yes, how did she get the head of the Hyuuga to help with this ceremony? Ah, here is your sash, Itachi-san." Kisame hands Itachi another piece of his wedding garb from behind a screen. A quiet "thank you" rang out from the other side.

"Hiashi-sama is rather good friends with Nii-sama. Nii-sama is also the one that trained their heir." Kimimaro was mostly there because there was some rule against men entering the bride's dressing room until the full kimono was assembled. He'll be able to enter once he receives the okay. Neji was also there… mostly because Kimimaro was in the room.

"Hiashi-sama is there?" Itachi pokes his head out from behind the screen to look at Kimimaro. When the boy nodded Itachi facepalms, "Deidara is not going to be happy about this. What's next? The Tsuchikage was invited?"

Sakon sweat drops with Ukon, Kakashi and Kisame, "Well…"

 _Back with the ladies… and Deidara_

 **Deidara's POV**

"Anko hun… I know I allowed you to arrange the wedding… and I am grateful…"

"Uh huh." She tightens my obi.

"And I did tell you that I hate large weddings, correct, un?"

"Yep! Remember that bright as day! Karin, more blush."

"So please answer me this… WHY CAN I FEEL A BUNCH OF PEOPLE NEARBY?! ONE OF THEM BEING ONOKI?!" Anko leans away as I was right in her ear. All the other girls didn't seem to mind, just kept to their work. Though all works on my lips have stopped indefinitely.

Anko gives out a nervous chuckle, "Well you see… I asked Hiashi for help, who told Hokage-sama, who told not only the Mizukage, but the Tsuchikage as well. Apparently his granddaughter insisted on coming to see you."

I groan, I stopped going to Iwagakure years ago, but I kept in touch with Kurotsuchi. I'm not that close to her even after all these years… but I guess she's under this fantasy that deep down, I'm still the "Deidara-nii" she grew up with.

"Fun… and the old man is here too…" I sigh as I feel Sakura put the finishing touches on my hair, "I guess I should have seen this coming, un."

"Come on Deidara-sensei! Smile! It's your wedding, I know you don't like big ceremonies but… everyone here just wants to see you happy." Sakura gives me a reassuring smile.

I return one, but it falters, "It's not that. I just don't do well when all eyes are on me. What if I mess up? I don't want to embarrass Itachi, un."

Ino rolls her eyes, "Come on. You? Mess up? I doubt it, you're a natural at improversation. Plus we made sure all the guests were aware that you two had no idea this was planned. I bet Itachi is as nervous as you are." I had to appreciate Ino's words of encouragement. It is natural for someone to be nervous at their own wedding.

"Okay! Finished!" All the girls moved away from me so I could look at myself in the mirror, I had to do a double take at my reflection to ensure that it was actually me.

My hair was shoved into a wataboshi… I guess that's better than a tsunokakushi, I really hate topknots*, parts of my bangs were still allowed to cover part of my closed eye. My Kimono was pure white and was definitely a traditional shinto one. I have no idea where Anko got this but I bet it was from the Hyuugas based on how Hinata is staring at it lovingly. My makeup was done splendidly by the girls, and in all honesty… despite the fact that I never have really viewed myself as this, even in my past life...

I feel as beautiful as the person staring back at me.

Anko leans into my ear, "I know you try to act like a guy. But I know inside of this manly body, there is a young girl who's always dreamed of her wedding day. So please bare with looking like a girl, at least for the ceremony."

I had to lightly bite my painted lips to keep my tears inside, "Thank you Anko…" Before more could be said, Kimimaro entered the room and paused when he saw me.

"Nii-sama?" He looked confused, but I have to admit, a suit looks well on him, "You look… wow. You look more like a Nee-sama than a Nii-sama…"

I roll my eye with a smile, "Thanks Kimi. What are you doing here, un?" Wow my voice really does not fit this outfit. I think all of the girls wincing indicated that they agreed with my thoughts.

Kimimaro offers his arm to me as the girls leave to be with the guests, "Normally a father is the one to give up the bride on their wedding. But as your brother, I have as much jurisdiction."

I sigh and take his arm, "Too bad the boys had to miss this, un."

"They need to train. You can surprise them when they return to the village."

I blindly follow Kimimaro to where all the heartbeats are. Nearly tripping a few times, "Damn sandals, why am I in a bride's kimono?"

"Anko-sensei wanted to have an odd looking white gown instead, but Hiashi-sama suggested you wear that. I guess it was what his wife wore, Hinata said it would make your eye shine." Leave it to the Hyuuga to pick my outfit, "Also making you a new outfit would have taken too long. Anko-sensei wanted the wedding to happen right away."

"Yeah yeah, she wants us to have kids, un." I pause seeing all of the people in a single area, Anko really outdid herself… Wait, why is the daimyo of the fire country here?! Oh right, I'm marrying the now head of the almost extinct Uchiha clan. Thanks dear.

The ceremony happened like any other shinto wedding. Itachi and I did what the monk told us to do, and at the end of it we signed the paper officially making us a married couple. Now all that was left was to sit our butts on some cushions while guests eat and chat.

"Gah I hate weddings…" I sigh and crack my neck, even though the wataboshi is just cloth, it was heavy with my hair.

"Please endure this for a little while longer Dei… We can change once the ceremony is over." Itachi gives me a reassuring smile while drinking some sake. I have to say this… the groom's kimono is unflattering no matter who wears it. Makes him look like someone tied boards to his spine and arms to be as stiff as possible.

I sigh, "Leave it to Anko to push everything forward. Bet she'll be asking when the kids will arrive soon, un." I drink water, thankfully we were in the shade so I wasn't dying in this heavy pile of silks.

"Whenever you are prepared for that sort of thing Dei. I assume you will be doing experiments to make sure your method works?" Before I could answer, Onoki approached us with Kurotsuchi and Akatsuchi.

The old man stares at me, ironic that by sitting down I'm at the same height as him, "You've changed Deidara."

I shrug, "I don't feel much different, besides slowly dying of heatstroke in this thing, un." It took me a long time to think about this… but when I had first went to Iwa, and argued with everyone. I had cried. I didn't understand it at first, but after meeting the original Deidara, I found out why.

Those were never my tears, they were Deidara's. Seeing Kurotsuchi as a kid, hell seeing his home for most likely the first time in years, the same home that branded him a traitor must have been hard. Even after all this time, I still cannot see Iwa as another home, but I will accept these three as comrades in future battles.

"So Deidara-nii," Oh yeah, she still calls me that, "why are you in a bride's outfit?"

I sigh, "Anko's idea. She thought this would suit me better… In more ways than one, un." I hear Kisame and Anko snort into their sake nearby us. Due to their status in the wedding, they sat close to us along with Kimimaro. My poor brother is staring at the two adults like they had grown a second head. ( **AN: Kimimaro still does not know about Deidara. Most of the chibis will not learn the truth until almost the end… Most of the chibis.** )

Kurotsuchi didn't understand, but accepted the response anyway. Onoki sighs, "Young folk marrying at this age. Well, I hope you two have a successful marriage." We bow to the trio as they leave.

Anko scoots over to me, "So… Are you two staying in that apartment or are you going to move elsewhere for some… alone time?" She smirks when I started coughing on my water, trying to avoid getting my clothes wet.

While I was preoccupied trying not to die, Itachi spoke up, "I have arranged with Tsunade to allow us to move into my family's home in the compound. As all that land now belongs to Sasuke and I."

Anko whistles, "Uchihas had big houses. Gonna need to have plenty of kids to fill those rooms up." And now I'm dying again.

"A-Anko! What is with you and us having children?!" Oh crap… Gai heard the last part.

"Ah! Such youth! Barely a day married and the youthful couple are thinking of bringing new youths into the world!" Is it just me… or did things get really quiet? Also Kimi honey… don't bend forks that way, mind your table manners.

I wave to everyone frantically, "No! Everyone, do not mind us!" I grab Anko's arm and drag her away, "What the hell is with you wanting us to have kids? Itachi just turned 20 and I'm only 18, we don't have to worry about kids for a long time, un."

She nods, "True, but I have two reasons. The first one is that I know you, Dei-chan. And I know that the moment those boys return from their training, you will work yourself to death in order to change a future that you don't even know will happen anymore. Working on the task now, will save you many problems later on."

Still unconvinced, I fold my arms, "And the second reason?" I pause at the smirk on her face.

"I know you are going to test out a method from your past life. It's a type of surrogacy right?" I nod, "I'm going to be the carrier."

It as was if someone stopped time, that or everything was in slow motion as my brain struggled to catch up, "Wait… what?"

Anko puts her hands on her hips, "Do you honestly think any of the registered carriers would agree to your plans? Especially since that means they don't get to bed that Uchiha waiting for you? Don't lie, I know you want them to inherit his sharingan." She gives me a smile, "Please, you're doing so much already… let me do this for you as a friend. Tsunade even said my body is healthy enough to handle kids."

I cover my mouth with my hand to keep from crying, "But… Anko, no offence… I don't think you could handle pregnancy. At all."

She tugs her own kimono collar down slightly to show her curse mark, "I survived this, a less than 10% chance along with years of emotional trauma knowing my sensei abandoned me. That is forever. Carrying a baby is only for less than a year, and while it's gonna suck… the joy that comes from it is worth it."

I couldn't contain much of my emotions anymore, wrapping my arms around Anko in a tight hug, "Give me until January to think about it. I need time to experiment and visit Uzushio, un." When Anko gave me a thumbs up, we returned to the party to enjoy things.

 _That evening_

When everyone left, I took Itachi to the Hokage monument using a bird "Before we return the kimonos… you already know what needs to be done and said, un." Itachi sighs and nods as I do the familiar hand signs, "Summoning jutsu: edo tensei."

As per usual, the coffin lid falls open and Madara steps out, "At this rate Deidara, you might as well keep me permanently summoned to save cha-" He was rendered speechless seeing our clothes.

I bow to Madara, "Hello Madara-sama, my name is Uchiha Deidara. It is an honor to be a part of your family." Poor Uchiha looks like a gaping fish at this rate, "Senju got your tongue, un?"

Madara sputters for a moment before regaining his composure, crossing his arm as he stares us down, "... Welcome to the family. I trust there is no need for me to give the father speech?"

I hear a very un-Uchiha like sound escape the back of Itachi's throat, kinda like a whimper, as I tilt my head, "The wha?"

Madara twists his wrist in a circular motion, "It is more or less the talk on how you con-" OH NO! I AM NOT HAVING THAT TALK!

I quickly cut him off, "Nevermind! I got the gist of it the moment you used the phrase 'the talk' and there is no need for that, un!" Both Uchiha almost instantly relaxed with a sigh… okay seriously, I know this stuff!

Madara pats my shoulder, obviously aiming for my head but there's the giant white hood blocking it, "Have fun." He returns to his coffin and vanishes. Madara really does not enjoy being summoned outside of a battle for long.

I sigh and look at Itachi, "Come on… let's return these clothes and then head out. I guess Anko even prepared where the honeymoon is suppose to be."

Itachi nods, "Following you."

We were out of the village by the time it got dark.

 _Last day of the honeymoon_

"Dei, are you sure you can gamble?" Itachi gives me an unsure expression as I read up on a slot machine place nearby. I gave myself a limit to the usual 500 ryo and I'm bored.

I snort, "Should have seen me when I was following Jiraiya and Naruto. My sensing abilities are perfect for this kind of thing, un." Satisfied with what I was reading, I give Itachi a quick peck goodbye and head to this shop.

Within moments of entering the building, an employee approaches me, "I'm sorry sir, but you are not allowed in here."

"Pardon, un?" I don't look like a shinobi, my headband is back home and I'm in a dark blue yukata. Plus I am positive I have never been in this town before.

"You were banned from this shop a few months back on accusation of cheating… don't you remember?" Her words were slow, either thinking I'm stupid or trying to make sure she didn't slip up.

My eye twitches, "Ma'am, if I did cheat, there is no way you would have been able to notice." I notice a camera nearby, "Do you have any proof that I was here?"

The employee looked shocked that I would ask such a thing, before nodding and taking me to a very, very basic computer. Entering a few lines of data she replays to me a video feed of… Itachi and me? I quickly turn up the volume to listen to whatever they're saying.

"Heehee, this is easy dattebayo!" I know that verbal tic anywhere, and Itachi's posture is all wrong.

I grit my teeth, "Naruto…" I glare at the employee, only to turn my attention to the shop's owner. He arrived in the hopes his large appearance would scare me off, "I will allow this to slide one time. Next time ID people, those were not me nor my husband. I was in Kirigakure during the time of this recording and can produce the documentation faster than you can throw in an argument, un."

Of course the owner didn't believe me, just scoffed and claimed that I was a cheater. Only to pale when I rolled up my sleeve to reveal my ANBU tattoo.

"As I said, you would never know if I cheated or not. Be grateful I'm not informing the local daimyo that you allowed minors to gamble. I heard this one is rather anti-gamble himself, I wonder what he would do if he learns you pissed someone like me off, un." I turn at my heel and left, returning to the inn Itachi and I are staying at. I begin to seal off the room so no one can hear, while getting a pen and paper.

Itachi's confusion only grew when I threw a pair of earplugs towards him, "What happened?"

"Naruto gambled while looking like me and Sasuke helped, looking like you. Time to test out a new jutsu of mine, wear the earplugs, un." I cast the jutsu as Itachi plugged his ears, the pen floating over the paper as my hair began to wildly float with rage. I take a long, deep breath…

And recreated a howler from Harry Potter. ( **AN:You will learn the content of this letter during the boy's chapter. They are in trouble~** )

 _Back in Konoha after the honeymoon_

We had quickly moved our things in Itachi and Sasuke's old home thanks to Kimimaro's help. He wasn't pleased that I was farther away now, but at the same time with how often Neji spends the night… I doubt he has a reason to complain. ( **AN:Hint hint. Side story soon. Hint hint** )

Kimimaro had also been the one incharge of making sure parts of the house was remodeled, such as replacing the tatami mats and the screen doors. But I had made sure the house remained the same… architecturally speaking.

I made sure this place was homey as hell, like people actually LIVED in it. Family photos, books, adorable pillows in cutesy shapes on the couch, and…

"Dei… why is there a 'Shut up and eat' sign hanging in the kitchen?" Oh yeah, I also got that.

"Because that's my attitude towards food people take the time to make for you, un." Itachi chose to make no further argument. I think he was more relieved that I was changing things up than trying to preserve everything.

 _Year 1, August_

Examining this year's chunin exam roaster was intriguing. Because Sakura and Neji will not be participating in this year's exams, I had Karin be on Ino and Choji's team and Kimimaro with Tenten and Lee, as the twins were not interested in the exams this time around. Though when I got to the Takigakure teams, my heart sank within an instant.

This was the chunin exams where Fuu gets captured, and I have no idea what goes on in this entire exam besides the Akatsuki succeeding in getting her. ( **AN: Please note that I am also blind in this. So facts will be out of order unless my beta corrects me.** )

Panic sweps over me as I rush back home, Itachi was in the middle of packing for a mission but was concerned by the expression on my face, "Dei?"

"The chunin exams! The chunin exams are in a week!" By breath becomes short and infrequent, I was having an actual panic attack. I've been avoiding most events that were unknown to me, but I can't let this one slide, not without trying.

Itachi raises an eyebrow, "Why are you panicked then? You know what happens right?"

I rapidly shake my head, "No, I don't! I know the majority of the filler events that were made during the original series, but this exam was made years after! During the shippuden episodes!" Itachi still seemed lost, "Itachi, I stopped watching most of the fillers. This one in particular I am completely blind except for the fact that Hidan and Kakuzu capture Fuu, un!"

Itachi's face lit up with understanding, before pulling me into an embrace with the hopes of calming me down, "Dei… You shouldn't stress yourself. If you are unsure what happens, then allow things to happen. You should not burden yourself with events you may be unable to change." He was right… of course he was right, but at the same time…

"I have to try at least, I don't want another Hayate!" I can feel tears threatening to pool out, because I went to get Karin, Hayate was dead. If I leave the chunin exams alone, Fuu is dead. She may be dead no matter what I do, but that doesn't stop the fact that I can at least do something about it.

Itachi carefully lets me go, "Then watch over the examine, keep an eye on Fuu. If you fail then do not beat yourself over it, some things cannot be changed." I nod slightly in agreement, calming myself down.

He's right, I need to keep my head clear in all this. Otherwise Fuu is as good as dead.

 _During Fuu's travel back to Takigakure_

'I have no idea what the fuck is going on!' Was my only thought process as I flew around like a headless pigeon over the forest nearby Takigakure. It was hard to keep track of Fuu and her teammates. They were jumping all over the place, as if realizing I was following them and were trying to lose me.

My chibis handled the men trying to overthrow the chunin exams perfectly. But the exams were cut short, leaving me free to follow the teammates. I can't land on the ground because I would get lost, not to mention it would only make her teammates more suspicious of me. Fuu was a sweetheart, as an ANBU, I was able to watch the genin interact and she's such a ball of happy.

I eventually see her teammates reach a clearing, a little worse for wear… but… where is Fuu? I leap off the bird and land in front of them, my ANBU mask was enough to set them into a defensive stance, "Where is Fuu?"

One of her teammates scoff, "Konoha ANBU? What the hell do you care about that freak?" Excuse me? The fuck you just say?

"Answer me before I end your pathetic existence." I cause an explosion by the tree next to them to get my point across.

"Tch, a couple of guys in black coats took her. We had no reason to argue."

The other one pipes in, acting all smug, "Yeah she was a monster anyway. Saves the village some troub-" He didn't get to visit that sentence when my fist collided with his face.

So this is what Deidara ment in shippuden when he said some villages were happy to give up their jinchuuriki. Both men freeze when clay centipedes wrap around them, "Please enjoy my art as you die, and remember my name, Deidara. Older brother to the Kyuubi no jinchuuriki, un."

Both of their eyes widen at the last bit, realizing how stupid it was of them of them to insult Fuu in my presence, "Wai-"

"Katsu." It wasn't even worth looking back at the clouds. I made a mad dash towards the forest, praying I find Hidan and Kakuzu before they get out of my range.

"Come on… come on come on come on… I can't be late. They're slow. They're-" I stop in my track when the three heartbeats became four, then two. Zetsu took Fuu… the Akatsuki took the Nanabi.

I'm too late.

 _Back in Konoha_

Things went in a blur that I could hardly remember. All of the main characters became chunin because of their actions in the desert. But I was too numb to let the happiness sink in, Kimimaro was the one to tell me the news. He was also the one to hold me as I screamed and wailed at how I failed to get Fuu.

With Hayate it was different, I didn't know when he died exactly, and I had made preparations for him. With Fuu, I knew what day she was taken, but I had no way to prepare without raising suspicions towards Takigakure.

I tried, but I failed, there was no beating around the bush on that matter. It wasn't until I saw Asuma talking with Kurenai that a new thought waved through my head.

'I lost Fuu, but hell be damned if I'm letting Asuma die. Hidan and Kakuzu will die, immortals or not… no mercy.'

 _Year 1, November_

Not much is know about Uzushiogakure… I blame Kishimoto on that matter. It took me ages to even find the stupid village on a MAP there's so little information. I guess that's what happens when it's runned by one clan that all but died off in the last few generations.

I mulled over my options for a while, before deciding to take Karin with me, she deserves to at least see the birthplace of her clan. But I only took her under the condition that she does not interfere with anything that I do in that village… that includes the two unconscious missing nins that I may or may not have captured in a previous mission.

I look at Karin when I land my bird into the rubble and ruins, "Go do whatever you wish, find scrolls that you find to be interesting, books, relics of the clan's past. If you see any scrolls on sealing, just toss them in this bag so I can send them to Naruto please, un." I hand her a second sack for her to fill.

She gives me a confused look, "So what are you doing?"

I tilt my head to the side and shift my foot around, once I found the object of my desire, I send off several C1s to that location, "Oh, you know. Jutsu related things. Katsu." I quickly grab Karin to shield her from flying rubble and dust that decided to head our way, leaving the girl shocked.

"Y-you just destroyed potentially decades of history! How can you do that?!" She sounded more panicked then angry if anything else.

I shrug, "Relax, I only destroyed the front part of the building, I needed access to the basement and there was rubble in the way. No one comes here anymore anyway, un." The fact that this place has already been left to rot away further adds to my apathy. Honestly, Konoha and Uzushio were such important allies, but the moment the village falls Konoha doesn't even blink, or try to restore the village, "Remember, if you sense odd chakra in my direction, stay away. You'd know if I was in any real danger, un." I pat Karin's head before sending the teen off.

Leading my bird over to the building, I calmly ignore the yells from my captives as I descend into the basement. I could practically smell the forbidden energy radiating from the room preserved from time with the exception of cobwebs and thick layers of dust. Uzumakis really did make sure their more important jutsus were nicely sealed away huh?

I only took what I needed, there was a seal in here made to kill those runned by greed. A medical sealing scroll that the girls can use to further their skills, some advanced seals for Naruto to practice on when he is older, and one other scroll for myself that held some… rather interesting jutsus. But the icing on the cake was the sets of masks hanging in the far back of the room, "Oh, sweet. I thought Orochimaru got that a long time ago… or are there more of these outside of Uzushio? Guess I'm in the nick of time, un." I approached the masks cautiously, mindful of any traps or ancient seals that may be used to guard the mask. It was… oddly free of any of those things.

Picking up one of the shinigami's mask, I look at the two missing nins that were now having the biggest freak out, "Sorry, but maybe in your next life, you'll learn not to murder innocents, un."

One of them spats at me, "You monster! Trying to be righteous when you're thinking about commiting murder yourself!"

I raise an eyebrow, "Okay, when have I ever said that I was righteous? I ain't no Light Yagami, un." I snicker at my inside joke, "You're wanted dead in several countries, A ranked criminals that are not yet Akatsuki material. I'm using you two for my own selfish desires and there is frankly nothing either of you can do about it. Now shut up and face death like men, un." The bird poofs away as I review the mask's instructions on a nearby scroll then slip on the mask, I can feel the shinigami appear above me as it starts to slice open it's belly, I quickly weave the hand signs that are on the scroll to make sure only my two desired souls leave and not Orochimaru's arms. I'm sorry Minato… Hiruzen, but this is not your time yet. I still get this painful slice across my side, but it's not as big as it would have been, had I made the shinigami release all of the other souls. I don't need to die just yet, though I need to stop the bleeding.

"Edo tensei!" I slam my hand on the ground as the two missing nins yell in agony as dust and other particles cover their bodies. Replacing their features with two familiar ones, "Hope you two remember me...Hashirama-sama… Tobirama-baka, un." The mask falls off my face as I collapse to my knees. I am definitely not doing this again.

The two Hokages give me these dumb looks before recognition lit up in Hashi's eyes, causing him to dramatically point at me, "You're the boy that reanimated Madara!" Nooooooooo, I'm the ice cream man. OF COURSE I'M THAT BOY!

Tobirama looks at his hands disgusted, "Edo tensei again? Don't people understand that I made this technique forbidden for a reason?" Both me and Hashirama give him blank looks, not our fault you invented this stupid jutsu, "Also, why are you bleeding?"

I sigh, vision getting hazy, "Released you two from the shinigami's stomach. I was suppose to be a sacrifice, but these old jutsus are full of loopholes, un. Whoo boy… the room is getting spinny." I sit myself down on my butt and pull out a plasma pill from my pouch to replenish lost blood, followed with some bandages. I need to close the wound before I bleed out, or before-

"Deidara-san!" Damnit Karin! I said to not come near here! The redhead ignores the two Hokages as she kneels by me using medical ninjutsu to lessen the bleeding, "I'm sorry, but your chakra was fading. Here, bite." She tries to shove her unoccupied arm into my mouth which I lean away from.

"Karin, I refuse to bite you under any circumstances. I'd sooner bleed out- WHAT DID I JUST SAY, UN?!" Karin seemed to have decided if she can't get the mouth on my face to bite her, she would use my palm mouth to bite her!

"I am a teenager, and I am acting my age by not listening to adult authority." She's basically using my own words against me, that sneaky little bi-

"She heals people by biting? No doubt that was abused during war times." Oh right, the Hokages. We both look at Tobirama, who had made that statement, "And an Uzumaki too."

"Ah! An Uzumaki! Like Mito!" Hashirama sounds like a happy kid when talking about his wife.

Karin pales after sensing their chakra, "Deidara-san… they're…"

"Our secret Karin, I do not want anyone to know about them. I am using edo tensei for the same reasons why I adopted you, un." While looking suspicious at first, she nods after a moment, but was still unsure, "Please Karin… this is important."

Karin bites her lower lip, "O… okay… but you owe me an explanation." Why did I let her come with me again?

I sigh, "Fine fine, now please… go explore your ancestral home. I'll find you later, un." I kiss the side of her head when she finally allowed my palm mouth to let her go. Once I was satisfied with how far away she was, I push myself back onto my feet.

Now for the funsies, talking to two Hokages.

"Explain." Tobirama really hates beating around the bush.

My voice becomes monotonous and blank with a heavy wave of apathetic disinterest, "I am the soul of a 19 year old woman who died and now I'm in the body of a hot tempered bomber. You two are part of one of my generation's most popular manga and I would show you proof but neither of you have sharingan. Boo… hoo… in any case, I reanimated you two so I could discuss future plans and also change Tobirama-baka's opinions on Uchihas, un." I ended that all with a bored sigh… in reality I just ended up sounding like a really angsty teenager.

"Reincarnation, huh?" Hashirama seemed to legit believe in me based on his body language, granted he is the reincarnation of Hagoromo's son… which one was it again? I need to review my notes.

"Why should I change my opinions on the Uchiha clan? They are trapped in a cursed cycle of hatred and-" Blah blah blah, I stopped listening to Tobirama's attempted at Anti-Uchiha talk-no- jutsu.

"Tobirama! You should not speak of Uchiha that way, what about Kagami?" Oh right, Tobirama trained an Uchiha.

Tobirama folds his arms, "Kagami was different, he didn't behave like the other Uchiha."

I wave my arm, "Um… I'm still here, un." I think they forgot I was in the room based on Hashirama jolting where he stood.

"Oh! Sorry about that, we tend to get focused on our topics… what was your name again? I remember it being mentioned just before we fought Hiruzen, but… well..." He rubs the back of his head sweat dropping while his brother looked at him like he was an idiot.

I smirk, "That is kind of the main reason why I wanted to speak with you two. My name is Deidara… Uchiha Deidara. Husband of Uchiha Itachi, one of three remaining Uchiha alive. I should also note that Itachi is the one that wiped out the entire Uchiha clan except for his baby brother, with the help of someone impersonating Madara, un." I think I split Tobirama's head in two.

"You... married an Uchiha? Specifically the one that killed his entire clan? Why would you marry someone obviously going down the path of hatred… also aren't you a male?" Wow, he was asking all of the really important questions until he mentioned the whole gender thing.

I sigh, "The Uchiha… were planning a coup, no thanks to how they were treated." I give Tobirama a blaming glare, "And so in order to protect the village, he was ordered to kill every last member of his clan. But he could not kill his brother, so he branded himself a traitor to keep the truth behind the Uchiha clan a secret and Sasuke safe, acting as a spy in an organization called the Akatsuki. He had the intention of making Sasuke kill him. Everything he did was for the sake of the village… Also no one cares that we are men, un."

"I knew the Uchiha were a clan of evil… the rebellious nature of Madara still resided within them." What the fuck did I just say Tobirama?

"How… can the Nidaime Hokage… the one that made the ANBU system… the shinobi academy… and the mission ranking system… be so stupid?" I ignore Tobirama's tick mark on his forehead, "You put the Uchiha in a police force, a type of authoritative position that people generally hate. When the fake Madara used the Kyuubi to attack Konoha, the Uchiha clan was blamed on the attack because the village elders and Hiruzen ordered the clan to protect civilians, leaving their casualties to almost zero, un. The clan was denied any possibilities of growing in rank, trust, or unity within the village because of your actions while being Hokage… had the village allowed the Uchiha clan to help… the Yondaime Hokage would still be alive… and Naruto…" My eye hardens, "Tobirama. If you think the Uchiha clan is possessed by evil, than I am evil incarnated, because my hatred for you… is immeasurable."

Hashirama noticed Tobirama and my stiff postures, "Itachi sounds like a good man, I would like to meet him in person." He walks over and slams his hand on my back smiling, "Also who is the Hokage now?"

"Tsunade-sama, un."

Wow, Hashirama went into an emo corner, "Tsuna, huh…?"

I start sweat dripping profusely as I wave my hands,"She's doing a good job in all actuality. She healed my brother and Itachi, both dying due to lung related illnesses. She has her gambling problems, but the village has been flourishing, un." I chose not to mention that I keep bringing extremely dangerous shinobi into the village.

Hashi leaps to his feet relieved, "Oh… phew… at least it's not as bad as I thought. Alright, if you want to change Tobirama's mind on Uchiha, we're going to have to meet Itachi!"

I sweat drop, "This will be interesting, un." I rub my neck with a nervous chuckle.

"He has no idea you are here, am I correct?" Tobirama doesn't sound impressed.

"Itachi… thinks I'm here to find jutsu on gender changing… which I did, but I also came here to reanimate you two." Oh boy, I'm in trouble when I get home.

I quickly lead the two Hokages outside and create some birds, Karin returns with the two bags full of various items. Granted the bags were no bigger than a small backpack, but that was still a lot considering this place is in ruins. Making sure Karin has no intentions of telling anyone about the Hokages, I send her off home on her bird with her bag, while I flew to the Uchiha compound.

Kicking off my shoes at the door, the Hokages repeating my actions just more polite, I call out for Itachi, "I'm home! And I brought guests, un!"

Itachi steps out of the kitchen area wearing his usual outfit and… oh Kami he has an apron on, "Welcome home Dei-... Deidara…" He gives me a peeved look when he sees the Hokages.

I shrink slightly, "Um… I got scrolls? Come on Itachi, you should have known I would do something this crazy, I mean I did reanimate Mada- RA!" I froze in place when Itachi jabs at the sensitive spot on my neck, arching my back purely out of reflex. The Uchiha calmly picks me up and sets me down on our futon in the bedroom.

"Take a nap Dei, I'll talk with them." He covers me up with a blanket before putting away his apron and returning to the living room to speak with the Hokages. I would climb out of bed, but it was so comfy… sleep sounds nice.

 _A few hours later_

A hand shook me awake. Cracking open me eye, instead of Itachi, I see Hashirama. Behind him was Tobirama, still talking with Itachi quietly.

"He's a good man… He may even be a better Hokage than I ever was, but you should unsummon us before anyone else finds out." Hashirama grins as I slowly get out of bed, taking my place by Itachi's side.

Tobirama nods in agreement, "I have to agree… I never met an Uchiha who had that much wisdom… especially a brat." Excuse you Tobirama, we're adults.

"Glad you two were able to talk with Itachi, I'll go over more of my plans with you two at a later time, un." I allow the Hokages to enter their coffins so I could unsummon them. Madara is going to kill me when he learns I reanimated Hashirama and Tobirama.

"Dei, send your scrolls to Naruto, you're in trouble for not telling me that you were going to reanimate the Hokages."

Scratch that, my husband is going to kill me first.

 _Year 2, January_

I met up with Anko at Konoha's hospital, "Okay Dei-chan. Explain the process."

I sigh, patting a sealed container, "I used a special transformation jutsu I found in Uzushio along with Naruto's sexy jutsu to create a sex change jutsu. I tested it on about… 20 rats, and all had the proper transformation, while also able to change into their original sex without medical repercussion. After testing the jutsu on some bandits - yeah I know, there still are bandits around - I used the jutsu on myself. After that it was a matter of collecting some of my eggs and Itachi's sperm to fertilize, un." By the obvious body parts and my deep voice, I did not stay a female.

Anko's shoulders slump, "Aw, you two didn't make them yourselves?" She pouts in disappointment.

"Pervert. Anyway, the procedure worked well, all but… maybe 5 of the eggs we used were successfully fertilized. Tsunade was quick to figure out how to make everything work, un." I fold my arms, nodding proudly. ( **AN: The process is called gestational surrogacy. Anko will in no way be related to these infants, Deidara and Itachi are the biological parents. The process may be slightly different due to the usage of jutsus and seals.** )

At first, Anko seemed excited about the whole thing, until she noticed a detail in my response, "You experimented on people? But that's-"

I hold up my hand, "Something Orochimaru does? Yes. And I am not going to defend myself or say I am morally better than him, because I'm not. I'm human. I'm selfish. And I also do not care about people I do not know, un." When Anko gave me a look of uncertainty I continue, "In a way, Orochimaru and I are alike. I love science, I love when things develop into a new idea, but I also practice what I preach. If I am going to say that I will do whatever it takes to reach my goal, then I will do whatever it takes, un."

Anko nods, understanding my reasoning and the issue is quickly dropped, "Alright. So, how many do I start with?"

"One."

Someone must have released a box full of crickets, cause it went eerily quiet all of the sudden.

" 'One'?! Aw come on Dei-chan, you gotta have twins!" I think I need to get Anko a boyfriend if she's this baby crazy.

I sweatdrop, "Anko, two issues. One: this is your body, I don't think you'll enjoy having two squirming 9 pound bags of flesh inside you. And two: Itachi and I are still young, I don't think it would be best for either of us to raise two infants at once, un."

Anko snorts, "Please, I'll be fine. Besides you raised Naruto when you were just 11, Itachi basically raised Sasuke at the age of 5. You two will be awesome parents!"

My shoulders slump, I have a feeling I'm going to lose this battle, "If… you say so… But I don't want children until after shippuden, I know Kurenai is pregnant, but I want my kids in a safer envior-"

"Great! I'm going to tell Tsunade to prepare the procedure!"

"Anko wai- and she's gone, un." My hand collides with my face. She's going to regret being this impatient. Not to mention I'm going to have to prepare to keep two infants away from Obito… Madara can have that honor. Oh well, we'll have a fun baby reveal for Itachi.

 _Year 2, March_

Itachi's going to be home any minute. Anko's chilling on the couch with me under some fuzzy blankets, using my stomach as a footrest while she munched on dango. Turns out her pregnancy cravings are most likely not gonna change from her normal diet.

"I'm going to be huge." Anko honestly hasn't complained, except for morning sickness, nothing else has made her whine much.

"I'll get you more comfy clothes as you get larger, un." If I had a cell phone, this is where I would be boredly scrolling through a fanfiction or playing a game. We had already prepared the whole baby reveal thing for Itachi, but once it was all set up we got bored. Thankfully our boredom was cut short when Itachi stepped into the house, "Welcome home Itachi."

He pauses when he sees Anko, in reality he's most likely focused on how we're just tangled under a mess of blankets, "Did I miss a slumber party you ladies had?" He ducks and catches a pillow I threw at his head.

"Oh yes love, we painted our nails, did each other's make-up and talked about how, like, I have the cutest husband in the world." I ended up developing a valley girl accent midway through that sentence, along with the flicking water off hand gesture and raising my eyes up. This resulted in the two looking at me like I was some wild animal, "Sorry, it's an accent in my past life that people like to make fun of, un." ( **AN: I'm talking about the one that's always on TV shows and movies, no offence to anyone that has that actual accent.** )

Itachi nods in understanding, "Hn." Followed by going into the kitchen, most likely to make some tea.

"Itachi, I think I left something in the oven, can you get it out please?" Anko snickers next to me. It's cliche, but with how dense Uchihas can be, I'd rather not try to be super clever.

A few seconds later, Itachi speaks up, "Why are there two loaves of bread in the oven?" Are you kidding me? He doesn't get it? Anko and I seemed to have the same thought process as we shared a glance.

Rolling off the couch, I walk into the kitchen and stare at Itachi blankly, "Itachi… they're buns." Nothing, "Buns in the oven?" Again, nothing, " _Oh my Jesus…_ Itachi, did your mother not do anything fun to reveal that she was pregnant with Sasuke, un?" Random English aside, I quickly snap a picture as Itachi's calm composure goes into one of pure panic as he examines my stomach, "Not me!" I dramatically point at Anko, who waves.

Itachi tilts his head with furrowing eyebrows, "Anko is… Dei how does that relate to us- oh." Now he gets it!

I clap my hands, "Yay! You understand! We're having ki- YIPE!" This time it wasn't because Itachi jabbed my neck, but instead it was because the Uchiha is hugging the life out of me. I'm not the one carrying the babies, hug Anko! Speaking of the woman, she's laughing her ass off in the living room, damnit.

"I-Itachi, I get you are excited, but please… try not to kill me, un!" Itachi quickly lets me go so I can inhale the beautiful resource that is air. While I'm recovering, Itachi somehow teleported himself and is now thanking Anko.

"Nah, don't thank me. I'm just excited to have chibis call me Auntie Anko!" That still didn't stop Itachi from expressing his happiness. It reminded me of whenever he held Sasuke as baby, just uncontrollable joy.

I pipe in, "By the way Itachi, it's twins, un."

THUD

"Itachi? Oh dear, he fainted… wait, Uchiha can faint?!"

 _Year 2, April_

The boys would be returning to Konoha soon, so I'm just scrambling to make sure things are prepared for shippuden. One of them was making sure all of the chibis were fully trained and prepared…

Which is why I'm with Sakura and her father clothes shopping.

As much as I like Sakura's outfit in shippuden, I wanted her to wear something that made her look a little older to fit her mature attitude. Also her father is not the best judgement in clothes. I respect the guy entirely, but he needs to not be the one to decide what his daughter should wear. Like right now.

"Haruno-san, Sakura is not going to wear a frilly outfit like that, un." I calmly take the offending article of clothing out of Sakura's hand and back on the rack. Without breaking eye contact, I give Sakura some clothes to try on and send her to the changing room.

Her dad pouts, "Aw… can't she wear that when she's off duty then?" Kizashi was a really sweet man, loves his daughter. But he can be clueless about girls sometimes.

I shake my head, "No, she is going to be in the medical field. Being off duty is almost not an option… and she's becoming a woman, she needs to express that, un."

Kizashi nods solemnly, "They grow up too fast…"

I sigh in empathy, "I know. My boys are up for the adventure of a lifetime, I just hope I'm able to get them prepared in time…"

"Thank you."

I raise an eyebrow at the sudden statement. He continues, "Sakura has always been a timid child, meeting Ino helped that. But after meeting you, I have never seen my girl be so driven to be something besides the wife of some boy. So thank you." I was speechless, usually talking with Kizashi ended up in a bicker contest, but I'm actually hearing him thanking me.

"Hey tou-san, Deidara-sensei. What do you two think?" We turn to face Sakura.

She was dressed exactly like in Naruto: the Last Movie. I never watched the movie but I have seen screenshots of Sakura in her outfit. Her hair still flared outward like in shippuden, but some proper brushing will fix that. Overall, she looked beautiful.

"We need to tweak your hair, but you look mature and beautiful. A proper young woman, un." Sakura's face glowed at the praise, while also blushing as her father is gushing over how cute she looked.

Satisfied that she will go with this look, I leave the shop to head home.

 _Year 2, early May_

I was with Kimimaro when I sensed it. We waited over two years for this moment to happen, and I could barely contain my excitement threatening to explode.

I look up at my younger brother, he's gotten taller in the last two years… way taller, "Kimimaro! They're home, un!" I create a clone to alert Itachi as we make a beeline for the gates.

My boys were back home.

* * *

 **"The boys are back, the boys are back! Climbing up the walls anytime we want! The word is out, the boys are back!" - High School Musical 3 "The Boys are Back"**

 **Don't ask, I was bored. XD Anyway, all this crazy stuff happened at once and holy shit am I never going to do this kind of thing again for a long time… is what I wish I could say but I still need to finish the boys' chapter.**

 **So now Itachi and Dei are married, and they will be having 2 little babies later in the story. I had Anko rush everything because honestly, that is something she would do. The babies will be born before Kurenai's kid, but I won't say when. :P**

 **Sadly Fuu was captured, there was honestly no real reason for me to be able to save her due to Takigakure having their thumbs up their asses. I mean, look at what happened to Kakuzu, he became a rogue ninja because he failed to assassinate the God of Shinobi. Plus Deidara was clueless the entire time. Sorry to those that were hoping I would save her.**

*It would be easier to just google what Deidara is wearing, but he was talking about the 2 types of headwear Japanese woman could wear in a traditional wedding. The topknot thing is because that is what the hair is basically done up in when wearing the tsunokakushi. Long story short: It will save the headache to just google everything.

 **Next chapter will be the boys' perspective on the past 2 ½ years. I may or may not have things be dated unless it corresponds to whatever happened during these past 2 chapters. (like the gambling) It will not be as complex as these chapters, just a series of random events the boys deal with. Kinda like a crap ton of side stories.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys next week.**

 **Bye!**


	32. Boys

**This chapter started off as pretty basic… until my beta and I went through it and added in a ton of stuff. Needless to say this one was fun because I wasn't restricted to dates or special things that needed to happen… this can literally be seen as a series of omakes. Only a handful of moments in here are meant to be taken seriously.**

 **Note about how this was organized: For the most part, with the exception to 3 back-to-back segments and one small AN, none of these are dated but they are in order of events actually happening in the fic. More or less just assume everything is at least one month apart. I put titles before the other event so you know what may be happening in them.**

 **Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews! I appreciate these so much!**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Roger that! I shall roast them as they arrive! And the classics is honestly the easiest way to announce it to Itachi without him going nuts, like how some moms use the pregnancy test… yeah no, that would not work lol.**

 **VenaHope: Madara will definitely be pissed off when he learns about Hashirama… or excited… or both. I will not reveal anything about the twins, but you did guess a few things right about each twin. But I will not say what you got right because that would give away all the fun! :P**

 **Asia1990: Good point on people suggesting OCs and names… I will make an announcement at the bottom AN to prevent that from happening. Kimi knows everything about his Nii-sama already, Dei is very honest to his little brother. Mada, Hashi and Tobi-baka will all converse later on, and Madara will get to see Deidara's improvement in fighting in the future, I'm just terrible at writing fight scenes. Thank you so much for the support and kind words hun, both for the fic and for my school life. I really do appreciate it! :D**

 **duchessliz: Hope you enjoy the Howler! Itachi really is a good Uchiha for Tobirama to meet, had he been alive during the Nidaime's time, maybe he would have treated the clan better. Also, Tobi is Sasori's partner. Remember? I confirmed this in a side story where Deidara went on a mission with Daiki and I spent half the time sick burning Hidan. Don't worry about the rescue arc, things will be just fine. :)**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: Those kids will become sadistic little buggers by the time they become genin, that's for sure. I honestly think that Itachi will be a pretty calm dad if how he handled baby Sasuke is evident enough, especially since neither twin will be born sickly… But Madara will definately be a type of grandpa. What kind of grandpa? Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z- wrong anime.**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron:... I have no idea if I should be concerned for you, or laughing my ass off. I'm kinda doing both right now.**

 **Pr1n3ss K3nny: It's gonna be a hell of a ride. XD**

 **Bcp2005: Daiki will most likely show up here and there. He won't have much screen time anymore because the plot is gonna be rolling, but he'll pop up from time to time. :3**

 **Reaper: I have started to read Drifters, but not enough to get an opinion on it as I am super busy in school. But I am starting to enjoy it, the artstyle is nice.**

 **Setokayba2n: Actually, that is the exact opposite as to how Deidara could have saved Fuu. Countries like Taki keep their jinchuurikis a secret, that's why it took the Akatsuki so long to collect all the bijuus. Had Deidara used the info about Fuu, Taki would have lost their shit. Also Deidara was blind in the whole thing, he didn't know when the Akatsuki would strike, that's why he was lost the entire time and eventually lost track of the team. Deidara will also not be bringing back either the Sandaime or Yondaime, Orochimaru can handle with that lol.**

 **crazby: Orochimaru had their DNA, but not their corpses. All four hokages were sealed inside the reaper's stomach and without one of the masks no one can summon them. Dei chose not to summon Hiruzen and Minato because Hiruzen... would just rage quit everything, and Naruto needs to talk with Minato via the seal, so they are still up for grabs if someone uses a reaper's mask. Glad you liked the chapter! :D**

 **ladybug002: I know! X3 I was dying because of how cute some of this stuff became.**

 **Anony: I doubt you'll see this… but you do realize that SI stories that never reveals anything to anyone either results in the plot not changing, or it becomes so boring that even the author drops it, right? Most complete SI stories at least go with a "I know the future" shtick. Your opinion, but you don't have to be rude about it; at least use proper grammar and spelling if you're going to tell me you dislike my story. Oh well, thanks for checking it out anyway!**

 **Otakus-Are-Us: Your username sounds like an anime store and I love it. Anyway, I'm glad you are liking the story so far! Madara will know about the twins later in a special side story, which I will post in a few chapters when I deem it more appropriate. Most likely after the Kazekage rescue arc. :3**

 **Ringo1327: That sadly is going to end up with a big "Nope", I have stated in the past that minus the SI and that one chapter with Maria, there would be no other people from our world being in the Naruto world. Also it would be physically impossible for that person to try anything because they would be a newborn… and no matter how developed you are mentally, newborns cannot do anything. Thanks for the suggestion though. ^^**

 **ShadowOfOrder: You have read correctly hun! Up until the last month I have been uploading twice a week (now once a week because of school), and each chapter has progressively gotten longer until I have now produced an average of 7K per chapter. This is the product of an active imagination and taking a Creative Writing class in high school. I'm honestly surprised at myself for writing this much. As you have said, most authors take 4 months to produce 80,000… dunno how I was able to do more than double that. Thank you so much for the kind words and welcome to my fanfiction! If you ever get questions, please feel free to PM me since I know fishing through this mess of an author's note can be a pain for information. :3**

 **uqoxe24: Don't worry, I update every weekend. ^^ Glad you are enjoying this!**

 **Blah** \- Title for a new segment

 _Blah_ \- Passage of time

" _Blah"_ \- English

 **Warning: Language, lots of sexy jutsu, minor violence, minors gambling, usage of cap lock, Bob Ross references, pretend yaoi… long story short this chapter is very cracky.**

 **Disclaimer: Have you seen the stuff I'm making? I definitely do not own Naruto… or Bob Ross… or any other references that may be littered around here.**

* * *

 **Postmen**

They have been traveling for only a couple weeks when a thought process passed through the boys as they stared at the back of Jiraiya's head.

'When is he going to start being a teacher?'

Everytime the two thought Jiraiya would teach them something new, he would drop them off at an inn and head to a brothel to get drunk and be with women. Of course the two are independant enough to train together, but without guidance they haven't learned anything new except out to throw a harder punch. Sasuke did have some scrolls that he gotten from Itachi, but this trip was more or less for him to evolve chidori and create new techniques. Besides, he'd rather learn clan techniques with his brother.

"Oi brats, we're stopping here for the night." Jiraiya casually points at an inn, and after paying for the room, retreats to get more sake and spend time with some ladies.

"This is ridiculous, we're wasting our time waiting for him to finish that stupid book." Sasuke sits on the floor in annoyance.

Naruto rubs his head, "I know, but what can we do?"

Sasuke pauses in though, before rummaging through Jiraiya's bag and pulling out one of his Icha Icha books, "I have a plan."

 _That night_

While Jiraiya snoozed away after not writing a single thing for his manuscript, the boys split apart the stack of paper into two. Sasuke had his sharingan on after spending several hours copying Jiraiya's handwriting.

"Okay, I got the smut, you have the comedy. We already agreed on the plot based on what his previous books had."

"Roger, dattebayo!"

The two worked away until dawn, functioning mostly on coffee they had smuggled upstairs as this inn forbid children from consuming it. The occasional crumpled paper would be tossed aside as someone -namely Naruto- would incorrectly spell a word or it did not flow correctly.

By the time morning had arrived, Sasuke had carefully organized all the pages into an envelope and the duo head down the stairs to the entrance of the inn. A shinobi postman was collecting an envelope with important documentation from the Land of Claws.

"You know, writing isn't all that ba- GAH!" Naruto had slipped on the newly cleaned stairs and his hand conveniently smacked the envelope out of Sasuke's grip. This resulted in the blond to crash into the Land of Claw messengers and both papers scattered.

Both men gasp, "The secret documents!"

Sasuke paused at that, 'I have a bad feeling about this…' He collects the envelope as the other parcel was given to the shinobi postman. The postman informs Naruto that Jiraiya's editor was in a different area, which the desired postman conveniently arrived.

"Hello! I will happily take that for you sir." The postman reaches for the envelope when Sasuke backed up.

"Sorry, I want to make sure it's in order."

The postman patiently nodded with a blank smile, "Understood! The mail must always be in tip-top shape for the customer!"

Sasuke opened the envelope only to pale, "Dobe… this isn't the manuscript."

Naruto blinks, "Eh? Whaddya mean, dattebayo?"

"This is a proclamation of peace between the Land of Claws and the Land of Fang! The other guy has the manuscript and is sending it to the Fang's daimyo!" Sasuke was sweating bullets now, 'Great! Deidara is going to kill us if he learns we started a war!"

"We gotta stop him then!" Naruto was about to run when the postman in front of them, raised his hand.

"A shinobi postman must deliver mail with no stop even at the cost of their lives!" Both boys looked at each other, before punching the guy in the stomach to render him immobile for the time, realizing that if they tried to run, the postman would chase them.

"Sorry, but we can't start a war, dattebayo!"

 _Meanwhile with Jiraiya_

"Ngh... man that was a good nights sleep… did I write last night…?" Jiraiya opens up one of the crumpled papers to examine the writing.

It was… sadly one of Naruto's pages.

"What the hell?! If this gets published, my writing career is ruined!"

 _Back with the boys_

"Why is this guy so fast! I didn't even know shinobi postmen existed!" Sasuke was leaping through the trees trying to catch up with the speedy postman.

"Deidara-nii uses them when sending mail to Iwa, says he trusts postmen over his own clay birds, dattebayo!"

Sasuke nearly trips over his own feet, "Great, someone Deidara trusts. We're screwed."

"Hey, do you hear all those footsteps?" Naruto looks over his shoulder to see at least a dozen shinobi postmen chasing after them, "What the hell?!"

"Guess our friend called reinforcements." The two used this as a form of training to dodge the shinobi postmen… until a familiar voice rang out.

"NARUTO! UCHIHA! STOP!" Oh no, now Jiraiya was chasing the boys.

"Pervy Sage, you don't understand, we're trying to stop a war!" Naruto winces as Jiraiya plows through a bunch of postmen.

"There will be war if that manuscript gets delivered!"

Speaking at once, "WE KNOW!"

The poor kids spent over an hour dodging postmen and Jiraiya, who sadly was under the impression the envelope was his manuscript no matter what they said. They eventually caught up with their target as he made a beeline for the daimyo's palace entrance. Sasuke thought of something, "Naruto! Use your harem jutsu!"

"Eh?" A brief pause, "Ohhh! Okay! Shadow clone jutsu!" There was suddenly several dozen Narutos littering the place, "Transform! Harem jutsu!"

Within seconds there was dozens of noses gushing out blood as Narukos in bikinis latched themselves to the postmen and Jiraiya, giggling cutely.

"Please play with me~!" The postman that the two were targeting momentarily paused at seeing all the cute girls… only to remember he has a job to do. Slowly, he dragged himself to the gate and handed the envelope to the guards, resulting in Naruto transforming back to normal, "Dammit! He has a will of steel!"

With the envelope now in the hands of the daimyo, the postmen leave and the boys had to explain to Jiraiya about the whole swapping fiasco. Realizing how dangerous this could get the three proceed to spy on the daimyo as he read the manuscript…

Blushing and giggling like a pervert.

Jiraiya sweat drops 'Does this mean my writing is no better than a couple of brats scrawl?'

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched, 'We have these kinds of men in power?'

Naruto was just lost in thought, 'I wonder if it's my writing he likes, or Sasuke's writing…'

 **Parents**

"Naruto, we have to talk about something important. Sit down." For once, Jiraiya wasn't focused on women or his novels which confused the boys.

Naruto sits across from Jiraiya as Sasuke leans against the wall, "What's up Pervy Sage?"

Jiraiya sighs, "It's time I told you about your parents." Now both boys perked up, Naruto has always wanted to know about his birth family. Sasuke was just wondering if Naruto's idiocy was genetics or Deidara just hit his head one too many times. His money was on both.

Naruto motions for the sage to continue, "Your father was the Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato. He was my precious student, and had named me your godfather while your mother, Uzumaki Kushina, was pregnant with you… your mother was the former kyuubi host."

And so Jiraiya told Naruto about his parents. How Kushina was excited to have him, how his father chose to name him Naruto after reading Jiraiya's first book, "The only thing I cannot tell you about is how they died… I know they passed to seal the kyuubi away, but I do not know the whole story."

Naruto looks at his hands, "So that's why Deidara-nii always read that book… why didn't he tell me about them, dattebayo?"

Jiraiya scratches the side of his face slightly, "He said he wanted me to tell you everything. Saying he had no right… and that you should learn from someone who knew them personally." He lowers his head slightly, "Look kid… I'm sorry I wasn't there after they died… I don't have any excuses…"

Naruto didn't talk, he just kept staring at his hands. Before Jiraiya could speak up again, the blond smiles at him, "Thank you Pervy Sage, for telling me about my parents. For being willing to train us, dattebayo." He couldn't hate someone like Jiraiya, not many people can even make the blond hate them with the exception of Orochimaru.

Sasuke decided that this was a good time to jump in, "Looks like you got your personality from your mother."

Naruto twists his head at Sasuke, "What the hell, teme?!"

Sasuke stuffs his hands in his pocket, "Shut up. You were stewing in your own thoughts so much I thought you were going to turn what little brains you had left into ramen. I know you were going to chew Jiraiya out but forgave at the last minute, you're too soft hearted sometimes dobe. Anyway, when we get home you can ask Deidara if he knows how your parents died."

Now both the sage and the blond were staring at the Uchiha in confusion.

"Tch. Idiots. Have either of you ever noticed that Deidara always acts like he knows things he shouldn't? He knew Haku and Zabuza were supposed to die. He somehow conveniently got to Karin before Orochimaru. Speaking of that guy, he even knew that Orochimaru was going to try and give me a curse mark. Why else would he give me a… weasel..."

Naruto tilts his head, "What about weasels?"

Sasuke rubs his face slightly, "How could I have been so stupid! He knew Itachi was innocent all along, even before we became genin. That's why he used a weasel to protect me. He could have easily stuffed a clay duck into my collar."

'Well, kid is even smarter than I was lead to believe.' Jiraiya deadpans blandly in thought. He never really associated himself around Uchihas, but it's no surprise that he would be intelligent, "In anycase Naruto, any questions you have about your parents… ask me."

The rest of the evening was Jiraiya telling Naruto all of the fun mischief he gotten into with Minato, and the hell Kushina would rise.

"Kaa-chan sounds like Deidara-nii... but a woman, dattebayo…"

 **Artistic withdrawals**

"Um… teme, why are your hands all shaky? We've barely started our training, dattebayo." Naruto tilts his head in confusion as Sasuke struggled to hold a kunai, they have only been training with Jiraiya for a few months now, and lately Sasuke has been twitchy.

"I don't know… Dammit, why didn't I pack any clay?"

That caught Naruto's attention, "Yeah, why didn't you pack any?" He folds his arms as his friend threw his arms up in frustration.

"I didn't want to distract myself! Why the hell do I need clay anyway!" A brief pause as he looked at the messenger toad resting on top of a snoozing, tipsy Jiraiya, "I'm going to ask Deidara for some clay."

 _A week later_

The toad returned with a scroll containing art supplies for Sasuke, along with a teasing note about Sasuke having withdrawals from a lack of art.

Naruto snickers as Sasuke was quick to dive into the clay, "teme is addicted to art."

"Shut up dobe, at least I'm not addicted to something that gives you high-blood pressure."

This resulted in a two hour long battle between the boys addiction to art and ramen. Jiraiya just let it happen, they needed to let out some pent up energy anyway. The more they sleep, the less he has to deal with their bickering.

 _The next day_

At an inn, Sasuke was painting on a canvas that Deidara had sent while Jiraiya was snoozing away and Naruto was watching with interest. The blond knew better than to interrupt the Uchiha when he was in the zone, instead he was waiting for one of the best parts of watching Sasuke paint.

After Sasuke was done using one of his colors, he calmly wetted his brush, flicked the water…

And proceed to beat the devil out of his brush.

Jiraiya sprang to his feet alerted by the sudden rapid noise of something beating against metal, "What the hell happened?!" He then had to duck as about 5 palette knives flew in his direction, barely missing him, and piercing the wall.

Naruto shushes Jiraiya, "Quiet, Sasuke doesn't like it when people interrupt his painting."

Jiraiya's face turns red with annoyance, "Why does he have to make that noise when he cleans his paintbrush?!"

Naruto deadpans, "Deidara-nii says that Sasuke is beating the devil out of his brush by doing it. He says in a few years it will be the holiest item of the Uchiha clan. It just needs to be blessed by a monk, dattebayo." Jiraiya could not believe that his godson could say all this with a blank expression, it was like someone just told him the sky was blue.

Suddenly one of the inn's caretakers bolted into the room, "Is everything oka-" She was cut short when Jiraiya yanked her away from even more palette knives.

"We are fine, this is a shinobi's form of stress relief. I'll seal the room so the other guests are not disturbed." He quickly ushers the poor woman out, collecting the knives in the hallway, "Okay, why the hell does the Uchiha have so many of these kniv- wow these are really floppy and dull…" To prove his point, he proceeds to pluck the end of the knife with his fingers.

Naruto shrugs, "Deidara-nii keeps giving them to him. Also those may be dull, but teme has been able to kill chunin clones with those things, dattebayo."

Jiraiya sweat drops, "I'm going to let Deidara know that the Uchiha does not need anymore palette knives."

The sannin also had to quickly seal the room as Sasuke proceed to beat the devil out of his brush again.

 **Devil**

"Oi, Pervy Sage, the fire went out, dattebayo." The trio was in a lush jungle like area and had recently caught a gigantic fish to eat for dinner.

"Make the Uchiha do it. I'm busy working on my novel." Jiraiya tilts his head back in a miserable, writer's block thought, 'I can't get the appearance of my heroine right.'

"I used up all my chakra working on a new type of jutsu, no thanks to your help." Sasuke still doesn't see Jiraiya as a teacher, or anyone worthy of respect, "Why did I agree to go with you losers? I should be having Nii-san teach me clan techniques and testing my strength against Deidara. The sooner I get stronger, the sooner he stops diving headfirst into danger."

"I don't care about your training teme, I want to eeeeeaaaatttttt! Come on Pervy Sage! It would just take a minute, dattebayo!" Naruto tried to get Jiraiya's attention, only for the sage to mutter something about inspiration, "Oh. Transform!"

Incomes Naruko, wearing a sexy purple demon two piece, tail and all, "Oh~ Jiraiya-sama! Please light my flame~!" Followed by an overly sexualized high pitch moan and a wiggle of her butt to show off her tail.

With sparks in his eyes, Jiraiya yells in triumph and uses fire jutsu to perfectly roast the fish. This resulted in Naruko to jump around, bouncing her boobs along the way as she cheered for the delicious meal that was prepared.

Poor Sasuke was thinking something else as he stared at Naruko, 'I am never going to marry a woman with that body figure. Ever. I'd sooner die a virgin.' Seeing his best friend as a almost naked woman nearly turned him off of girls entirely, if it wasn't for the fact Naruko still looked like Naruto. Cautiously, like a cat approaching a closeby prey, he pulls out his brush and proceeds to beat Naruko's face with the brush.

"GAH! What the hell?!" Naruko transforms back into Naruto and glares at the Uchiha, who stopped beating him mid-brushstroke.

"Oh… It worked."

"What worked you bastard!" Now Naruto's face smelled like paint.

"I was able to beat the devil out of your female form." Without missing a beat, Sasuke goes to the fish and starts peeling off parts of the meat to enjoy.

Jiraiya pauses after witnessing the brats argue for the… 10th time today, pretty low actually. He begins to think about Naruto's transformation, 'Almost perfect… but still missing something...' He cleared his throat, "Say Naruto. Since I lit the fire for your food. How about you light the flame of my writer's soul in return?" He questions with a thumbs up and a grin.

"Don't act like you just said something cool, dattebayo. Besides I don't care about your dumb books… but I guess it can't be helped."

"Just use that jutsu again, but with more…" He chuckles as he holds his hands in a T sign, "T-back!"

Naruto tilts his head in confusion as Sasuke did a facepalm, "Eh? What are you talking about?"

Despite being a pervert, Jiraiya didn't seem to have the courage to say underwear, but he did have the courage to be descriptive, "Ya know, the thing that drives between the ass." ( **AN: I'm more or less using words from certain versions of the sub** )

Sasuke couldn't stop facepalming as Naruto slowly nods in "understanding", "Oh that!" He uses the jutsu again… and turns into a sumo wrestler. Sasuke slammed his hands over his mouth as he tried not to laugh at how idiotic this scene is becoming.

Jiraiya yells in frustration, "That's not right! I wanted a T-back! T-back, T-back, T-back!"

"Oh shut up about 'T-back's! It's annoying!" But Jiraiya kept repeating himself until Naruto couldn't take it anymore and sumo slammed Jiraiya into oblivion.

Sasuke was dying at this point while Naruto transformed back to normal, "D-Dobe. He means a thong." He recovered from his laughing fit as Jiraiya stared at the young Uchiha in shock, "Deidara made sure we were well aware of what women wear when he taught the girls how to dress properly."

'I thought Deidara was mentally a woman?' Jiraiya raises an eyebrow, "So he's a closet pervert?"

Both boys went quiet for a moment before speaking in blank unison, "No, he is thorough in his education." It was pretty creepy to Jiraiya how those two can think alike, but be so different.

Sasuke stands up, "You're the adult here, yet you can't say the word thong. I wonder how you would react to an actual one… transform." Now it was Naruto's turn to be traumatized. ( **AN: It's pretty traumatizing for the author and beta as well** )

Sasuke turned into an adult female version of himself, long pale legs and a full hourglass figure. Her outfit turned into a sexy black bikini with a thong bottom, resting her arms against her head and behind her long spiked hair, causing her large breast to be elevated. It's evident by her "I couldn't give a shit" expression and the spider lilies on the bra that Deidara was an influence on the design. ( **AN: Sasuke has seen Dei's sexy jutsu off screen.** )

"I hope this is satisfying…" Her voice was a typical kuudere, this seemed to make Jiraiya once again rocket ship backwards in a nosebleed. Sasuke breaks the jutsu almost instantly, "That, was disturbing. I never want to do that again."

Naruto nods frantically, "You being a woman is scary. At least Deidara-nii makes a pretty girl, dattebayo."

The two ate in silent agreement while their teacher bled out from the nose.

 _Year 1, February_

Jiraiya was off being an irresponsible adult as per usual, leaving two 14 year olds alone to entertain themselves. Needless to say, these particular teenagers need to be watched at all time.

"Are you sure they will fall for this?" Sasuke looks at his hands after using a henge to transform into Itachi, "I doubt adults are this stupid, except for Jiraiya." The Uchiha shakes his head, as hearing his speech pattern with Itachi's voice is as weird as watching a duck trying to swim on top of ice… it doesn't work. ( **AN: Not stuck in the ice, they are on top of the ice. You can find them on youtube, it's really awkward and you end up feeling bad for the birds.** )

Naruto waves his hand non-chalantly, looking like Deidara, "Relax teme, I got this, dattebayo." Sasuke winces when Naruto's verbal tic was used in Deidara's voice, "Wow, that sounds weird."

"Hn, let's just get this over with. I want to see how lucky you actually are." The boys enter the slot machine house, Naruto sits in front of the machine and Sasuke leans over him to watch, "We leave the moment you lose 3 games."

 _3 hours later_

"JACKPOT!"

Sasuke was sweat dropping, "I cannot believe you have this much luck… Tsunade could learn a thing or two from you."

"Heehee, this is easy, dattebayo!" Naruto collects all of his coins with Sasuke's help to turn his winnings into cash. While going through the whole process, a tall intimidating man approaches the duo.

The man, who is actually the owner, looks at all of the coins then at the two "men" in front of him, "After you collect your winnings, you two are banned from this shop." He hands the two their cash and promptly kicks them out. The only reason why he didn't deny them their winnings is purely because the daimyo would have the shop's head if they complained.

Sasuke looks at Naruto, "Your brother is going to kill you if he learns we got him and Nii-san banned from a gambling house."

Naruto shrugs and disables the henge, "Deidara-nii doesn't like gambling, and he has no reason to be out here anytime soon. So we should be safe dattebayo!"

 _Year 1, June_

Jiraiya's messenger toad appeared before the trio in the middle of the forest with his usual packages. Money for the boys and some intel for Jiraiya. But what confused them was the the envelope that said "Only open when there are no people around" with a heart at the end of it.

"It's Deidara-nii's handwriting, dattebayo." This confused them even more, as Deidara rarely gives them letters, "It also says to give these to pervy sage." He hands a pair of earplugs to Jiraiya.

Jiraiya puts them in as Naruto opened the envelope and to the sage, it was like the world was vibrating.

But to the boys… it was something much worse.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO AND UCHIHA SASUKE!" That was Deidara's voice alright! And he didn't sound happy. ( **AN: I apologize if the caps bothers anyone.** **But it is a howler.** )

"Care to explain to me why I was just told I was banned from a GAMBLING HOUSE. And in the security footage had me using Naruto's verbal tic?! HUH?! CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?" The letter was acting sentient, as every time the boys tried to move away from it, the letter would get in their ears during the loud part.

"Gaaaaahhhh my ears!" Sasuke was trying to cover his own ears, but the letter was like an air horn placed in front of a megaphone at max volume in a cave. It was so loud even the bark on the nearby trees started to split.

"I EXPECTED THIS FROM JIRAIYA! BUT YOU TWO?! WORDS CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW PISSED I AM!"

The boys spoke at once, "We can hear your rage!"

"I KNOW YOU TWO JUST SASSED THIS LETTER!"

'How the hell…?'

"If you two are going to gamble DO NOT DO IT IN A HENGE OF ITACHI AND ME! UNDERSTAND?!"

Suddenly the letter had a more pleasant tune, "I'll see you two in a year, please behave, brush your teeth, take baths and remember that I love you both dearly, un." The boys started to relax, maybe he wasn't as mad as they thought?

Bad idea.

"If I hear you two gamble again before you are 16, I will hunt you down _string you upside down in Konoha… AND BEAT YOU LIKE A FUCKING PIÑATA!_ " The boys didn't know what a piñata was, but guessing by the other words Deidara spoke in English, it would hurt. The letter sets itself on fire and vanish into ash.

Jiraiya examines the nearby trees in interest, "That is an effective jutsu… what did you two do to make him so mad?" He looks at the boys… who were on the ground, foaming at the mouth unconscious, "... Very effective jutsu indeed."

 _Year 1, November_

The messenger toad arrived once again, this time with a freakishly large amount of scrolls. Only a couple were for Sasuke from Itachi, containing clan jutsus and techniques they perfected over the generations. The rest were for Naruto.

"You know… this stuff is actually pretty easy to understand, dattebayo." Naruto was currently looking at one of the most complex sealing scrolls Karin was able to find in Uzushio, "The kanji are a little hard to read, but the ones that I can read make sense for what this does. This is meant to capture lighting, dattebayo."

Out of curiosity, Sasuke leans over Naruto's shoulder to examine the scroll, "All I see are scribbles, must be due to your mother's Uzumaki blood that allows you to read that stuff…" On the inside, Sasuke was somewhat nervous about Naruto being able to seal up lightning, that would make the new jutsu he was inventing, Kirin, to be obsolete if they were to fight for real.

"Maybe so, but this is easier to understand than genjutsu. Hey teme, let's test these out, dattebayo!"

Sasuke sighs, "Sure, but don't blame me if you get hurt because you didn't know what you were doing."

Needless to say, Naruto got fried and Sasuke got splattered with ink.

 **New clothes** ( **AN: It is now year 2** )

Jiraiya examines the two boys laying on the ground out of breath, both of them have their clothes all cut up from today's training. He's also noticed their limbs are getting longer, "Up you two. We need to shop."

Sasuke lifts his head to glare at the old man, "Shop for what?" The growl in his tone indicated his lack of trust in Jiraiya regarding his money.

Jiraiya lifts his arms in surrender, "Relax Sasuke. You two need new clothes, these ones are all cut up and you're getting taller too." He offers his hands to the boys, and after a brief exchange of glances, they take his hands to stand.

At a clothing store, Jiraiya was helping Naruto pick his outfit while Sasuke went to do his own shopping.

"They say the clothes make the man." Jiraiya smiles proudly as Naruto zips up his coat. It was the same shippuden outfit, but with black pants instead of orange. Naruto also got the long black cloth for his forehead protector, as that was also destroyed.

"So does that make you a child?" The duo turns to look at Sasuke, who smirked coyly, "Let's face it Jiraiya, you look like a mixture of a frog and a street performer."

Sasuke's outfit was just like his Road to Ninja clothes, but again with black pants instead of army green and there was no Uchiha symbols on his person. His forehead protector was nowhere to be seen, though it didn't take a genius to figure out that he hated wearing it in the first place.

Naruto's eyes widen, "Wow, you look cool, dattebayo! But… er… you don't have your clan's mark anywhere." He began circling his best friend in confusion, trying to find the red and white fan.

Sasuke pushes Naruto away to get some space, "Dobe. We are going to be in more towns the next few months as we head back to Konoha. It wouldn't do us any good if word spreads that an Uchiha is nearby. I'll have my clan's symbol put on all my shirts when we are home."

Still somewhat hurt by the frog comment, Jiraiya rubs his chin, "Cheeky brat… but good point, I should have had Deidara send you clothes like that a long time ago, but never crossed my mind. As long as you do not tell others your last name it should make you semi-harder to track."

Naruto quickly caught on with the conversation, but gave the two an odd look, "But wouldn't Orochimaru be able to track Sasuke down anyway since he's traveling with us, dattebayo?"

Jiraiya gives Naruto a half-hearted glare, "Killing my mojo. You do have a good point as well, but in the case we would have to separate, it still helps."

Neither boy argued with that statement as they paid for their clothes and head out, Naruto looks at Sasuke, "Hey teme, let's see how these new outfits fare against a little sparring."

Sasuke simply smirks, "You're on. I need to test out chidori senbon some more before I test it in actual combat." The two ran off as Jiraiya kept to a casual pace.

He smiles before looking at the clouds, "Those two are more alike than they admit."

 **Mixed bath incident**

The trio stopped at a hot springs town for a few days to resupply and collect any new information from Deidara. It didn't take long for a certain pervert to learn something interesting.

"Where are you going Pervy Sage?" Naruto swallows an origini while looking a scroll.

Jiraiya looks at the two teens giggling pervertedly, "There's a mixed bath, I'm gonna enjoy looking at the ladies~." And he was gone before the boys could try anything.

Sasuke sighs, "I'm surprised neither of us inherited his perverted nature." He returns to his sketchpad absentmindedly.

Naruto rolls his eyes, "Deidara-nii would kill us if we started peeking at girl, dattebayo. Besides, I already have a lady waiting for me!" He brushes his thumb across his nose smirking, "I cannot wait for Hinata to see how much I've grown!"

Sasuke snorts, "Yeah, a whole two inches."

"TEME!"

 _With Jiraiya_

'Not again… I just wanted some ladies, WHY IS IT FULL OF OLD MEN?!' Jiraiya cries to himself as other old men seemed to have had the same idea as him.

 _Back with the boys_

"Think we should get some souvenirs from this place, dattebayo?" Naruto examines a wallet with a cute chibi dragon on it, "Kimi-nii likes dragons…"

Sasuke stuffs his hands in his pockets, "Hn. Maybe, we are missing everyone's birthdays. I wonder if Nii-san needs anything." He was more of a practical shopper, he also didn't like to touch anything he wasn't going to buy.

In the corner of their eyes, they notice a fake statue of a bear with a fish, and shiver involuntarily to themselves. Thinking at the same time, 'Worst mission ever. Even worse than finding Tora.'

 _Back with Jiraiya, again_

"Finally, all the guys are gone… BUT WHY ARE THERE SO MANY MONKEYS?!" Jiraiya curses every Kami in the universe for giving him more monkeys, "This is just like the last time!"

 _That evening_

Naruto and Sasuke watch as a miserable looking Jiraiya slumps into one of the futons to mope to himself. He was muttering something about a lack of girls.

"... Let's go take a bath dobe." The two quickly leave so they didn't have to deal with a sad pervert.

 _At the baths_

"Oh my! You two are just the cutest~!" The boys found themselves surrounded by over a dozen cute, naked girls, all giggling and cooing at them as they tried to remain modest and not look anywhere.

'Think of Hinata! Be an honorable man Naruto! You will not look at these ladies that way!' Naruto of course, was having a hard time as some of the adult women were feeling his spikey hair and gushing at how soft it was.

Sasuke was no better off, 'Oh course the moment we show up, there are suddenly girls. The giggly fangirl type as well.' He had about 5 girls ask if he's single and/or have an older brother.

 _With the sulking pervert_

Jiraiya sniffs miserably to himself, "Why are there never any cute girls during the day?"

 **Final treck**

"I need to gather information… ACTUAL information." He has to emphasize that this was serious as his two students glared at him heavily, "You two remain at this cafe until I get back." Turning on his geta sandals, he walks off to question people.

Reluctantly, the boys entered the cafe and sat down. Sasuke ordered black coffee while Naruto ordered the house dessert, which would take some time to make. Feeling mother nature calling, Naruto quickly retreated to the bathrooms to avoid making a scene.

Taking a sip of the bitter liquid, Sasuke noticed something in the corner of his eye, '3… 2… 1… now.'

"Um… Hey is anyone sitting here?" Two girls around Sasuke's age pointed at Naruto's booth right across from him, obviously interested in the new boy.

"Hn." Sasuke neither confirmed nor denied the question, hoping that if he acted disinterested, they would go away. Apparently, they didn't get the memo as they slid into the booth, giggling about him.

"We don't get many young travelers around here. You got a name?" The brunette one batted her eyelashes to the question, as if that would get his attention.

"Sasuke." There was no need to give them his family name, 'Maybe they would go away if I act like I'm on a mission?' It was worth a shot, "I need to be left alone. I'm on a mission."

Now the two were leaning in interest, the blonde piped in the next question, "Oooh, you're a shinobi Sasuke-kun? What kind of mission are you doing?" Definitely civilians in a non-shinobi village. No one else would be stupid enough to ask shinobi what their mission was as a way to flirt.

Sasuke bristled in annoyance, "Classified information." But that seemed to only make the girls more interested, 'Help.'

"Gaaahhhhh, Sasuke was right, that was a bad fish." Naruto left the toilet after flushing and washing his hands. Returning to the main part of the cafe, he noticed Sasuke with two girls talking to him, "Hmmm… Based on how stiff he is… alright."

Before anyone could realize what was happening, Sasuke's vision was blocked by a bunch of yellow. The girl's view on Sasuke was blocked by a boy in orange and black. And the sudden weight to Sasuke's lap only made the situation more awkward.

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't flirt with anymore girls love, dattebayo." While also uncomfortable, Naruto was willing to help his best friend get rid of fangirls.

Sasuke, albeit also uncomfortable, wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist and settled his head on the blond's shoulder, "Sorry. I couldn't be rude to them." A smirk played on his lip as the two girls' faces turned bright red from embarrassment.

"Y-You're dating a guy?!"

Naruto snorts, "Yeah. Childhood friends turned lovers, isn't that right you smug bastard?" He nuzzles his face into Sasuke's hair, 'Hm, teme uses the same shampoo as Deidara-nii.'

'Kill me, kill me, someone kill me now.' "Yeah, took me awhile to love this loser. But his sunshine personality made my grey skies blue." Sasuke gives Naruto a squeeze when he feels a chuckle threatening to escape the blond. ( **AN: I'm gagging at the cheese, my beta is squealing her head off.** )

The two were terrified as the prospect of these girls wanting proof that they were indeed dating… sadly the Universe seemed to also hate them, "Prove it. Neither of you seem to actually be in love."

Sasuke pales considerably, 'I swear to Kami if this loser kisses me for the THIRD TIME, I'm going to-'

Chu~

Without any hesitation, Naruto planted his lips on Sasuke's cheek, while also wrapping an arm around Sasuke's neck to keep the Uchiha from retreating. Turning his head slightly, he gives the girl's a smug grin, "Do you ladies mind? I haven't been able to talk to my man in forever, and I'd like some alone time, dattebayo."

The girls sputter for a few moments, before taking their retreat right away. It was obvious that they were not use to such a raw display of affection, such as these two lovebirds… note the extreme sarcasm.

Naruto laughed, "Well that got rid of the- OW! What the hell you bastard?!" Sasuke had just pushed Naruto off his lap and onto the floor.

"You idiot! What gave you the idea of sitting in my lap?! You're heavy! Also why the hell did you kiss me?!"

Sparks flew between the boys eyes, "Well you're no cream puff yourself! I was trying to get rid of those girls before you gave away information, dattebayo!"

"I had it handled Naruto!" Sasuke's face was bright red, both from yelling and from embarrassment.

"Yeah, sure you were! I could feel you begging for help all the way in the bathroom!"

A giggly waitress pops up with Naruto's food, "It's cute seeing boys help each other out with girls. They show up everytime shinobi stop by and ends up making them leave out of annoyance. So thank you! We'll start suggesting the idea to teams that show up." She sets down Naruto's dessert and skips away happily. It's obvious she wasn't a fan of those girls either.

The duo exchange glances before Naruto slid back into his booth, "No one will know about this, dattebayo." Followed by him violently consuming his dessert.

Sasuke nods, "Agreed." While he drowned himself in coffee.

Neither of them noticed Jiraiya on the other side of the shop snickering to himself, 'Deidara is going to have a field day.'

 **Home**

Seeing Konoha in view, both boys rushed towards the gate in excitement. Sasuke leaped onto a roof while Naruto was stood on a pole.

Throwing his arms out in triumph, Naruto shouts out, "Good ol' Konoha! Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke have returned, dattebayo!"

Sasuke smirked to himself, "I have to admit, I missed this place."

"Sasuke-kun! Naruto! Hey!" Looking down, the two see a familiar pinkette waving to them smiling.

"Ah! Sakura-chan!" Naruto leaped from the pole, only to get tackled down by his older brothers. Sasuke was currently being greeted by his own brother in a more formal, less huggy manner… until said brother pushed Sasuke off the roof so he could join the hugging fest down below.

They were home at last.

* * *

 **FINALLY! Shippuden is going to show up in the next chapter! I have to say, it's a nice breath of fresh air to just have a bunch of chapters be full of random crap. I was able to relax and do whatever I wanted in this chapter because it's Naruto and Sasuke training. I chose not to include any actual "training" bits because… it's not fun to write really. It's easier to just give hints here and there. Anyone notice how Jiraiya only called Sasuke by his first name during the end bit of their travels? Took him a while to care for Sasuke, but now he does.**

 **Okay, because this was brought to my attention, I am going to talk about Dei and Itachi's twins.**

 **I have almost EVERYTHING about these twins planned out. Names, appearances, personalities, special skills, the only thing I have not planned out is how they will work in the "Boruto" bit as I have yet to decide who will be havings kids or not. Feel free to guess to your heart's content, I will not reveal anything until they are born, but I will tell you if you are correct in something either by vaguely replying to your review like normal, or by PM. I am not kidding when I say that you will never be able to guess one of the twin's names, at all. There is no connections with one of the twins names, it's literally just my favorite Japanese name. The other one is guessable. They will be born before Kurenai has her own baby and will be premature as a result, but they will not be born for a LONG time. I also will not take OC suggestion, nor will I be putting someone from our world into their bodies, I just wanted to make that clear up front.**

 **Next chapter marks the way to shippuden! It's time for the craziness to erupt and more relationships to develop! Woohoo!**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next weekend with shippuden!**

 **Bye!**


	33. Shippuden

**Finally, a shorter chapter… thank GOD! Also shippuden starts this chapter, yay!**

 **Thank you all so much for the fave, follows and reviews and overall supporting this mess of a story.**

 **wyattharto8: Thanks for the support! :D**

 **HitGamer22: The boys' reaction to Dei and Itachi getting married is a rather amusing one if you ask me.**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Nah, Anko wouldn't freak out, you should be more concerned for Deidara. Try being a mother(ish) and learning your damn twins are going to be preemies, most people freak out when their child is being born on time.**

 **Scaunders: Okay… Um… Did you spill salt in your fries? Are we reading the same story? This isn't a genderbend, it's the same concept as the majority of SI character-insert stories not related to Sakura, where a chick is stuck in a dude's body. Deidara still has all the man bits. Also, "sad and pathetic"? Naruto was a kid when Deidara takes him in, of course he's gonna be sad. Deidara is not a cheerleader, he's taking the kid in as a brother/mother which is the SI's personality. Lastly… I am a lady, and no thank you kind person, I'm not interested and you did not have to be so rude. You could have just said this story wasn't interesting.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Glad you liked the final bit! I was dying of laughter while writing it, also my beta is sad that I failed to convert someone into a NaruSasu lol. But good to know this chapter made you laugh hun! That was the point of that chapter was to laugh at the boys' misery! :D**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: … You okay hun? Are you breathing? O-O**

 **duchessliz: Deidara is too nice to make Jiraiya suffer… for that particular reason. He can suffer in other ways. :3**

 **Bcp2005: Their relationship will jump to the next level as the story progresses, but yeah, Naruto likes Hinata now!**

 **VenaHope: Madara is going to be MIA for awhile due to Deidara forgetting about him, but there will be a side story pretty soon that will be special for Madara. The twins will be born before the Pein invasion, but I won't say when specifically. I'm not entirely sure who will take Itachi and Kisame's role, but my beta and I will discuss it. You will see who fights Tobi soon. :P**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Glad you liked the chapter! I think most of the readers found that one scene funny, I know I did! Good to know you keep up hun lol.**

 **Guest: I read my work, I am the author after all lol. I'm 19, but judging by the fact you are reviewing chapter 3… Yeah my beginning work is a little on the cringe side, it gets better later on.**

 **CassienInTheDark: That is the best kind of Madara. :)**

 **Skull De Mort O.o: Awwww thank you! There are way better fanfictions out there trust me. But I appreciate the compliment wholeheartedly! ^-^**

 **WolvyDeadpool: I'm not a fan of Marvel, but I don't see the harm in having that happen for a fight. :)**

 **ladybug002: Thanks hun! I feel the love! :3**

 **Warning: Violence, scientific geekiness, language, perverted conversations aka Anko is in this chapter, OOCness but you should expect that by now. Also again, this is a yaoi, we have a new pairing confirmed in this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer:Still don't own Naruto and any other references I make unless it's related to my personal life.**

* * *

I waved to Itachi happily as he pushed Sasuke into my arms. My boys were home! I felt like a mother that was separated from her babies, I definitely missed these two.

"Welcome home sweeties, un!" I let out a light squeal… as light as a high pitched ringing could get, much to the boys' ears.

"H-hi Deidara-nii, dattebayo." Naruto awkwardly hugged my middle while Sasuke just limply hanged in my arms. I pass Naruto to Kimimaro so I could properly squeeze the life out of my new baby brother.

"Let me go Deidara! You're hugs are suffocating!" Sasuke shoves me away to breath, "I can say I did not miss that aspect of you in the slightest."

Sakura giggled behind her fist before clearing her throat to get the boys' attention.

Naruto flashed Sakura a wide grin, "Heh, you look great Sakura-chan!" As a result, the pinkette twirled a bit of her now stylized hair bashfully.

"Do you… think I look more womanly?" She shifted in her boots timidly, hoping that her new look is more mature compared to her… let's be honest, she had middle school lazy level of fashion as a kid… my fault really.

Naruto nodded vigorously, obviously approving of their teammate's new look. I take a peek at Sasuke, only to try not to bust out laughing. It was hilarious and sweet at the same time.

Sasuke's mouth was hanging open, staring at Sakura as if he was looking at her for the first time. I smiled softly as I gently placed my hand under his chin to close his mouth with an audible click. They say love at first sight comes from when you first see that person, it just comes to you like a sudden gust of wind.

Not true… love at first sight is when you see that person both inside and out for the first time.

"Careful Duck-kun, you'll catch bugs with that mouth of yours, un." I laugh as Sasuke gives me an embarrassed glare, "What? I don't care if you are taller than me now. Your hair still looks like a duck's butt." My ego got knocked down a peg at the mention of heights, I am the shortest male in this group right next to Naruto, hell Kimimaro is almost 6 feet tall at this rate.

Naruto laughs, "He refuses to change his hair, dattebayo!"

"Shut up Naruto. I was born with this hair, I can't help it." Sasuke scowls when Itachi ruffles his hair, "Stop it Nii-san." Aw, is that a pout I see?

"Forgive me Sasuke... but you are easy to tease." The younger of the brothers stared at Itachi in shock when he flashed a bright smile. That's another thing I love about Itachi, he smiles more now that he's in Konoha.

"Naruto-kun!" We all turn our attention to Hinata running over, waving frantically.

"Ah! Hinata!" Naruto grins and meets her half way, "You look good Hinata! Got taller and your hair is longer, dattebayo!"

Hinata was also more womanly, she dressed just like in shippuden, but with more confidence. Her hoodie is unzipped completely, revealing a pale lavender tank top that sat snugly over her mesh armor. Sitting against her chest was a silver rectangle pendant with the kanji for protect carved into it. A gift from her father for her 16th birthday.

"Thank you Naruto-kun! You've grown as well. I hope you've gotten stronger?" Hinata tilts her head in interest. Crush or no crush, Hinata was more than willing to beat Naruto in a spar.

Naruto flashes her a big thumbs-up, "You bet! We should definitely fight later to see how much we both improve!" Well… I guess this counts as flirting? She is the heir now so Naruto will have to prove his worth to Hinata in front of Hiashi and the clan elders. I'll need to teach Naruto how to smooth talk Hinata more, or at least be less dense about it.

I sigh, "Come on you guys, we have a lot to catch up on and I have reservations, un." Naruto woops with a fist pump and rushes off… in the wrong direction, "Hinata, please collect Naruto and meet us at the restaurant. Honestly, he's lived with me for half of his life and he still doesn't understand the art of waiting and following, un." I take Itachi's hand and head to the restaurant with everyone on my tail… or right next to me in Kimimaro's case.

"He hasn't learned that sadly, I tried to teach the loser but he just rushes on ahead." Sasuke sweat drops as he takes a seat across from Itachi, leaving the seat next to him open for Naruto. It didn't take long for Hinata to return, carefully dragging Naruto by the hem of his sleeve then taking her place next to Sakura, while Naruto sat next to Sasuke.

I sigh, "If he was on my squad he wouldn't last a single mission, un." I stretch casually as the word "squad" caught the boys' attention. With a smirk I roll up my coat sleeve to reveal the ANBU tattoo, "Gonna be a captain in a few weeks." Itachi tenses up next to me at the idea of me becoming a captain, but otherwise didn't show much of a reaction. We came to the agreement that I would retire being an ANBU once the kids were 3 to be a full time mom and then I would become a jounin instructor once the twins were 10, though Anko would be their sensei.

"No way! You're an ANBU, dattebayo?!" Naruto stared at my tattoo in awe, only to sulk when he was painfully reminded that him and Sasuke were the only ones of the rookie 9 that were still genin. Though it looks like Sasuke didn't seem to care much about ranking, I don't blame him. He could very well kill almost any opponent thrown at him by now.

Sasuke leaned towards me in interest, "How has dating my brother been?"

I hum thoughtfully as we ordered our food, and waited until we got our drinks to humor them, "Oh, we got married about a year ago, un." I duck as the two do a spit take… which landed on Jiraiya. No surprise there, they know better than to aim towards me.

"What do you mean married, dattebayo?!" Naruto slams his hands on the table, eyes widen from shock.

My voice becomes sing-song like, "Marriage. You know honey, the clothes and the ceremony followed by consummation that same night." Itachi gives me a glance, but proceeds to pretend like this conversation was not happening while Kimimaro looked like he wanted to smash Itachi's face in with his glass cup. The girls were giggling though.

"Con… Consu… huh?" Naruto gives me a confused look then proceed to look at Jiraiya for help.

Jiraiya scratched his cheek, "Ah… well you see Naruto… when a couple gets married… um… consummation is the process of… Uh…" He pales when he noticed even Sasuke was clueless about the word, "I thought Deidara taught you everything." Earning him a set of shrugs from the boys, as they went to drink some more water.

"Itachi and I had sex, un." I grinned like a Cheshire cat when they proceeded to choke on their water. Sakura and Hinata were dying of laughter at the boys misery, and I had to gently pat Kimimaro's cheek to calm him down as he steamed over the idea of my beloved husband "defiling" me as he likes to word it. Itachi has mastered the art of "let Deidara talk" and was acting like the real adult in the room.

"Gah! Deidara-nii! Why do you have to be so blunt, dattebayo?!"

I shrug, "I just am. But isn't this wonderful? No not the sex part, it honestly isn't as fun as some people lead others to believe, un." I ignore the weird looks I'm getting from everyone but Itachi, "I mean the fact that you two are brothers!" I clap my hand with glee as the two looked at each other horrified.

The duo spoke at the same time, "Brothers…" Before promptly looking away turning an awkward shade of red.

"Did I miss something while you two were gone? You two didn't start dating did yo-"

"NO!" I reel my head backwards as they both shouted at the same time. What happened while they were away? And why is Jiraiya laughing his ass off? I have got to hear this story.

Sasuke quickly changed the subject, "You two don't act like a married couple… you two are… so stiff."

Tilting my head in confusion I look at Itachi. Sasuke does have a point, minus when I held his hand, we don't even look like a couple, much less a married one. Both of our postures were stiff and show no signs of affection for the other, "We do that on purpose, almost everyone in Konoha knows that we are married. But we wanted to keep it a secret from other nations because it could be used against us, un." The waiter pops up with all of our food, so we began digging in.

"Yeah, but you two never did anything besides cuddle, dattebayo. Not even a kiss." Naruto frowns with more confusion. They are never going to drop the subject until we perform a PDA, huh?

I sigh and take out some yellow clay, letting my palm mouths eat it. Everyone watched in interest as I create a female pikachu, dropping blood on it so it came to life with a twitch of its ears.

"Pika pi?" Kami I hate pikachu… I like eevee more, but she is useful in getting my point across. I point at Itachi, causing the pikachu to hop over and climb onto his shoulder, nuzzling his cheek as my husband just allowed this to happen. Pikachu then kissed Itachi on the cheek with a high pitched happy "Chuuuuu~" And turning back into a figurine which I then promptly squished in my hand. Bye bye pikachu.

"There. We kissed, un." No one moved a muscle, except for Itachi and Kimimaro, who were enjoying their lunch.

"What was that Deidara-sensei?" Sakura leans forward as her entire frame was blocked by Kimimaro's body from my line of sight.

"A pikachu, un." Both girls let out drawn out "oooooooh"s while the guys were confused, "Chu." Now they were joining in, considering I would always tell them that kisses on the cheek must have a chu sound to be an authentic kiss. Lip kissing is… a mess in terms of sounds.

Jiraiya rubs his chin in thought, "I have heard of men becoming lovers, but how does… I mean… for research reasons, how does…?" Is he seriously thinking about writing a yaoi novel based on our experiences? I don't know if I should feel flattered or offended… I'm feeling the latter.

"None of your damn busin-"

"Itachi treats Dei-chan like he's made of glass." In comes my blunt, perverted, and currently very pregnant best friend Anko, "I accidentally walked in on the two one time and it was… pretty hot." I am pretty sure both Itachi and my faces were bright red now, "Until he pulled a kunai from under his pillow and threw it at me." Anko laughs nervously as I pull out a kunai with a menacing look in my eye. She's lucky she's pregnant.

Now everyone was looking at me after Anko mentioned a kunai, "What? I sleep with a kunai under my pillow. I'm paranoid okay, un?"

Jiraiya sweat drops, "You sleep with an Uchiha, you don't need a kunai." Sasuke and Naruto both nodded in agreement, I think the only person who agreed with me was Kimimaro.

I roll my eye and proceed to lace my voice with the highest level of sarcasm, "Sure I don't need a kunai, I totally need to be dependable on my husband to protect me when I am perfectly capable of slashing someone's throat open without waking him up, un."

Everyone looks at Itachi, who nods in confirmation, "I woke up once seeing a dead body a few feet away and Dei causally braiding my hair. I am convinced he is the only person that is able to make me sleep through anything." I kiss Itachi's cheek in thanks for the compliment.

Sasuke noticed something about Anko, "Why is your stomach round? Last I checked you had a flat stomach." Well… I mean he didn't call her fat.

"Oh, Anko's pregnant with mine and Itachi's child… Naruto honey, don't choke on your food, un." I hand Naruto some water as he is currently turning red from choking. Sasuke's hair was doing that Ghibli thing where it floats in the air, and Jiraiya was more or less gaping in shock.

Sasuke began to stammer, "Chi…. Chi…" I think I broke another Uchiha… whoops.

"Child Sasuke… child. Dei and I are having a child." Itachi gently tried to coax the word out of Sasuke. I take a brief glance at Kimimaro who already knew about Anko being pregnant, I think this is one of the only things he likes about my marriage, he gets to be an uncle.

Naruto pounded on his chest to get his near-death experience down, "Gah… How did Anko become pregnant with your guys' kid?"

Sakura decided to jump in, "Surrogacy, a special kind that Deidara-sensei invented using a combination of jutsu. The baby in Anko's stomach is not related to her at all." Her words not mine, I did not invent it… I mean, I kinda did in this world.

"Actually Sakura, it's babies. They are twins- errrr… Did I forget to mention that?" I look to my side and see that Kimimaro fainted on the ground, "I guess I did… Oh well, Duck-kun, Naruto and… Kimi-honey…? Okay, he's breathing. You three are going to be uncles, un!" Anko kneels by Kimimaro and begins to poke his face to see if it would wake him up, I keep a hand on her shoulder so she doesn't fall.

Sasuke still looks absolutely broken, but Naruto was staring off into space with a dazed look, "I'm going to be an uncle… Wait, so will they look like teme and his brother, dattebayo?" Naruto jabs at Sasuke's side which knocked the Uchiha out of his panic mode… and off his chair.

I laugh watching Sasuke scramble back to his chair, "I'm not sure, but due to the fact that everything about me is recessive," I motion to my blond hair and blue eye, "I'm positive that they will more than likely look like their father, un."

"Well, I hope they don't get Sasuke's hair. We have enough ducks in Konoha, dattebayo." Naruto laughs as he dodges a swipe from Sasuke and Sakura.

Sakura growls, "Naruto! Don't say that about your future nieces or nephews! I'm sure they will look beautiful considering who their parents are."

I smile at Sakura, "Thank you, Sakura… but I honestly pray that none of them end up with Sasuke's hair. If either of them do, I'm growing it out and putting it in a ponytail, un." Everyone looks at Itachi, expecting him to argue with that statement… nope, he just drinked his tea.

"I have no arguments with Dei's choices in parenting. Considering he's done well enough raising you two." Itachi hid his smirk behind his cup when the boys became defensive at the statement. No, he's right. Those two were absolute brats and I love them either way.

Naruto takes a bite of his food, talking with his mouth full, "Okay, anyone else have any confessions to make?"

Kimimaro straightens his back, "Yes, I am dating Neji." The room became filled with the sound of someone choking… but it wasn't Naruto, he's just casually munching on his food with a "what else is new?" expression.

No, the one dying of food being lodged in their esophagus was Sasuke. Didn't see that coming.

"Ho… How?!" Sasuke was pounding on his chest, waving Sakura away as she was prepared to give him the Heimlich maneuver. Hinata was… semi-choking… from trying not to laugh. Of course she knows that her cousin is dating my brother, we chaperoned their fucking dates!

Kimimaro shrugs, "I see no reason in telling you, we have been sparring partners for years now and it clicked." ( **AN: Like I said… side story in the future.** ) Fuck… I'm hearing the voice again, I thought I blocked that stupid thing!*

Naruto shrugged nonchalantly, "I thought you two were a couple years ago. You two are like dance partners… it doesn't stay platonic for long, dattebayo."

I don't know what's more shocking, the fact Naruto knows about dance partners sometimes becoming couples… or the fact he knows what the word "platonic" means. I think everyone is sharing my thought process, we all look like chibis with how big our eyes have become, even Itachi was frozen mid-bite.

The rest of lunch time was everyone swapping stories, with Anko leaving at some point due to… I dunno, pregnant people reasons. On occasion I would watch Sasuke and Sakura exchange glances but then look away nervously, it was rather cute. Naruto was chatting up a storm to me, Kimimaro and Hinata, but mostly to me as he described the types of seals he has mastered.

"Well then, how about we put it to the test?" I look over my shoulder to see Kakashi giving Team 7 his famous eye crinkle smile, "Just like old times with the bell test."

"All right, dattebayo!" Naruto sprang to his feet, "Oh right… this is for you." Naruto hands Kakashi the newest Icha Icha book… which caused the silver-haired jounin to hold it up like he just found the Holy Grail much to Jiraiya's amusement, pervert. Sakura and Sasuke followed Naruto while Hinata had to head home, but her presence was replaced with Tsunade as she wanted to see her precious student kick Kakashi's ass. Jiraiya lost interest and left to do… research?

At the training ground, Kakashi dangled three bells, "Same rules apply, come at me with everything you have and get these bells. You have until dawn." He vanishes within a puff of smoke as the trio began planning. I had to hold in a snicker as the gamer in me remembered a horror game with the same title.*

I lean against a tree with my arms crossed, "This won't be long, un." Just as I finished my sentence, Sakura came to the conclusion that Kakashi was underground and created a crater, "Hey, Kakashi! Unless you want them to get the bells, you better become a threat, un!" Tsunade gave me a puzzled expression, considering that any natural brother would be cheering on their sibling, not the enemy, "If I don't cheer for the losing side, then what's the point in watching?"

Still shaken by how strong Sakura has become, he quickly decided to use lightning blade on her. With his body language, I could tell that he had no real intention of hitting Sakura, but what he didn't expect was Naruto to block the attack with a yellow sealing scroll, which absorbed the lightning.

"Sasuke!" Naruto threw the scroll towards Sasuke, who not only caught it, but hit the seal with chidori. Within an instant the chakra from Kakashi's jutsu morphed with Sasuke's chidori, creating almost an electrical rasengan in the Uchiha's palm. We were all so distracted by the interesting combination, that we didn't notice Naruto pull out a blue scroll and unsealed its content. Within seconds, the patch of land that Sakura lowered became filled with water.

"No fucking way…" The science geek within me took one look at the water to understand what was happening.

Sasuke THREW his ball of lightning over the water, hooked his arm around Sakura's waist and promptly bolted out of there. Naruto used another seal to form a barrier in front of us as the boy's combination jutsu finally reached it's starting point. Not only had the boys manage to create an artificial lightning ball*, but they manipulated it to the point where poor Kakashi was now trying to dodge lightning strikes that formed at random intervals. It was like the natural phenomena mixed with a plasma ball!

I was cackling like a hyena, "This is what you two have been training on?! Holy shit! Sending you those scrolls was my best idea yet!" I fell on my back as Kakashi nearly got struck, not so high and mighty now are we Kakashi?

"I still want to learn new jutsu from Kakashi-sensei, but those scrolls were easy to learn. That was actually the first time Sasuke and I tried that jutsu, dattebayo." Naruto rubs his nose proudly as the lightning ball faded after running out of chakra, Kakashi quickly went into hiding and Sasuke returned with Sakura. The poor girl was blushing profusely considering Sasuke practically swept her off her feet… like a goose or a sack of flour.

Itachi was impressed, "You two may end up surpassing us someday." I doubt anyone can surpass Itachi, especially since once Sasuke wakes up his mangekyo I will be making the brother's swap eyes. But I had to agree that these two will definitely become stronger than me at this rate. Any normal person would be jealous, and feel threatened by that kind of statement… but not me.

That was the plan the entire time.

The bell test continued for a few more hours, but in the end Kakashi lost due to Naruto tricking him into closing his eyes. Pride swelled inside my chest as the trio teasingly jingled the bells in front of Kakashi's face, even Tsunade and Itachi had prideful expression. Sakura went home after saying goodbye to the boys, and I decided to escort them back to Naruto and Kimimaro's apartment so they could sleep.

"Dei, are you okay?" Itachi pats my arm to get my attention, "You're making that thinking expression again."

I sigh and rub my arm, "I feel like, with all of the excitement of seeing Naruto and Duck-kun again, I'm missing something today, un." It's going to bug me until I figure out what it was… the boys are back, so it's shippuden now…

"Troublesome, it's you two." My thoughts were interrupted seeing Shikamaru and Temari walking down the street, I'm getting deja vu.

"Hey Shikamaru!" Naruto gets a mischievous face, "Sooooo… on a late night date I see, dattebayo?" Both shinobi turn a slight shade of pink and quickly distance themselves. Despite my efforts, Shikamaru and Temari are two love-birds that I cannot interfere with, they form so naturally and I love it too much.

Temari groans, "Not you too. No we are not on a date, I'm here on official Suna business to help organize another chunin exam in a few months." She folds her arms in annoyance as Sasuke's eyes lit up in excitement.

"That's right… the chunin exams."

Shikamaru yawns, "Right… you two are the last of us rookies that are still genin- err… did I say something wrong?" The moment the word "genin" left Shika's mouth, Naruto and Sasuke formed an emo corner nearby, much to our amusement. Even Ukon and Sakon became chunin a few months ago, hell I heard Haku became a jounin and one of Mei's personal bodyguards back in Kirigakure.

"Right… Oh yeah! What about Gaara, dattebayo?" Naruto's face lit up with excitement… while I felt a ton of bricks collapse on my very being.

Temari smiles, "Gaara is the godai-"

"GAARA!" Everyone jolts a foot in the air at my sudden scream. Before questions could be asked, I create a clay bird and fly off at high speed. How could I be so stupid?! I completely forgot about the first arc of shippuden! I mean, I'm not there to capture Gaara, instead the one that's going to capture him is… "FUCK! OBITO!"

Also shit… I forgot Itachi. Oh well, he'll catch up.

 _Meanwhile with the others_

 **3rd person POV**

"What was that about?" Temari stared down at the ground where Deidara once stood in absolute confusion, "Usually he doesn't randomly scream out names."

Itachi does a quick once-over his shoulder to make sure Anko wasn't around to make a comment. Good, the coast is clear.

The Uchiha sighs, "Temari-san, Dei has reasons for reacting that way, and it appears he's heading for Suna. Speaking of which, I should start making my way there as well."

The Suna kunoichi raises an eyebrow as the Uchiha left to collect Kisame, "In that heavy of a trench coat? Hope he doesn't get a heat stroke."

Shikamaru sighs, "Troublesome. Everything is a big pain…"

 _Back with Deidara. A few hours later_

 **Deidara's POV**

I nearly had my clay bird do a nosedive into Suna the moment I saw the city. Within minutes I was greeted by panicked jounins.

"You arrived faster than expected! We just sent the messenger hawk! Kazekage-sama was taken by the Akatsuki, and Kankuro went after the duo!"

My eye couldn't stop twitching, maybe it was the heat and the fact my skin was clinging to my coat… but I was peeved, "I told this damn village to keep an eye out for the Akatsuki! How the fuck does a village miss a hunched-back-scorpion-tailed-middle-aged man, and a man-child wearing an orange mask, un?!" By now, this particular jounin understood to not question my level of details due to my history, but I wasn't done, "Not to mention they are in RED AND BLACK COATS, and one of them is, I repeat myself, WEARING AN ORANGE MASK, UN!" Everyone was sweating bullets as I kept yelling in their ears. I think I look like Iruka when he's pissed, with the big head and white angry eyes… eye.

"Th-they had inside help, and the masked guy… nothing we or Kazekage-sama did would hit him." The jounin bows his head in shame as my fist smacked the back of it.

"I know this! Send a rescue team for Kankuro! The guy is gonna be in bad shape, don't worry about Gaara, you'll have your Kazekage back, un." I stormed into the Kazekage building to make preparations while a rescue team collected Kankuro. I refused to sleep the entire night as I reviewed all of the information I had. Naruto's team will take 3 days to get here, Itachi will come with along with Kisame if possible. I'm fairly certain this arc will barely change, besides Obito being the one everyone fights.

Now I just have to take care of Sasori… I wonder how Chiyo is feeling.

* * *

 **Time for the Kazekage rescue arc. Now, some of you may be wondering, why Deidara didn't just follow them? Simple really, he has no idea where those two are, there is a sandstorm blowing, and even if he rescued Gaara, the village would get attacked AGAIN later. Most likely by Pein.**

 **I will delve more into everyone's relationships later on, but yes, Neji and Kimi are now an official couple! Oh, I'm so excited to work with everyone! X3**

 **Just to make things clear up front, I will not be doing the 6 tails Unleashed arc, literally 99.9% of filler episodes after the Pein Invasion Arc, and any episodes related to Deidara or Sasuke being a revenge filled bitch are subject to change. I have never watched the 6 tails arc, nor do I ever plan on it, and I barely watched fillers. If I did not list an arc, that means it will get at least one chapter dedicated to it if my muse agrees with me. The Sanbi arc is my favorite filler so I will include it and the Sora arc… I'm going to butcher it due to poor memory and I have plans for Sora.**

 **Also, every non-filler character that has died in the show has had their fates predetermined using google coin flips 3 times with the exceptions of Hidan, Kakuzu, Sasori and Asuma. I had story elements for most decisions on who lived or died and my beta and I agreed on letting the Universe determine things. I decided to do this instead because it was more fair and kept things off a bias. I will say this, the coin flips had some very interesting results, a few of them were ones I was hoping for. Some characters will have a new fate, and some will die anyway, but I will not say who and if when they died changes.**

* My beta missed when I would make comments about the AN's so I added that in for her amusement.

* I am talking about the horror game Until Dawn, love that game and had to make a reference!

* Look up lightning ball, it is so cool! They don't usually strike lightning from what I recall, so I added in the plasma ball… you know, the thing you can decorate your room with that looks like a mini lightning storm inside a ball.

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you next week for the Kazekage rescue arc. Idk if it will be one chapter or 2, but most of it will be done in one sitting.**

 **Bye!**


	34. Kazekage

**Chapter getting an early release due to having a load of work to do this weekend. Thankfully I got this done early. Time to tackle the Kazekage Rescue arc!**

 **Thank you guys for faving, following and reviewing!**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: Mimikyu is the best Pika-clone, but Eevee is best snuggle buddy X3 Also Sasori did have inside help with his spy Yura. He only shows up briefly in the anime and was the fake Itachi that Naruto's team fights.**

 **Tilkghamer21: Naruto is good at seals, but he isn't… that intelligent. Not even I knew that was the case, so Deidara wouldn't suggest it. But that is a cool idea, so thanks for sharing!**

 **VenaHope: I will address the bird issue in this chapter. It was mostly due to Dei having the bad habit of acting first, thinking later. Don't worry about Gaara, he'll be alive by the end of this chapter. ^-^**

 **Bcp2005: Well, considering it was not listed on the arcs I plan on not doing, it will happen, but it is subject to change due to Sasuke. How will it change? I ain't gonna say! :D**

 **Icedshadows: (x5) Glad you are enjoying the fanfiction so much hun! :)**

 **crazby: (x3) I have noticed my writing style has changed as the story went on, so I am happy that I'm improving my skills as I write… I'm a terrible person, I already have the Pein invasion arc almost completely written out and what you wrote made me laugh evilly to myself. I won't say if you are correct or not… but I will agree that it will be angsty. Also, can I just say that you saying KimiNeji is "Yum" amuses me greatly? XD**

 **Ringo1327: Have I ever watched Yugioh? Dude, that was my CHILDHOOD! I talked with my beta about it and we came up with an idea for a side-story, which will appear in the next chapter! Thanks for the idea!**

 **IsaAl'Attia-Theron: … Stealing that Kingdom Hearts idea, hun. Totally stealing it and putting it in this chapter… pray for Obito.**

 **himekuroyuki853: Glad you like their reactions! I think it's the highlight in these chapters is how everyone reacts to the random shit Deidara pulls.**

 **silverwolf310: Gonna have to wait for the pairings~ :P**

 **duchessliz: The Kazekage Rescue arc is right down below! :D**

 **ladybug002: Yeah... I had a brain fart when writing that chapter, I kept going "Did I forget something?" and it wasn't until I got to the end when I went "Ohhhhhh right, Gaara!"**

 **Pr1n3ss K3nny: I love Until Dawn, it's the most fun I've had in a horror game in a long time. Yeah the poor boys are gonna be constantly be reminded of those facts as time goes on, they're gonna have to learn that if Deidara is involved, to not act like idiots lol. I'm sooooo satisfied to finally have KimiNeji, I wanted to wait for them to be teenagers because then it feels more like their choice than Deidara playing matchmaker.**

 **Warning: Some language, violence, dirty minds (not from Anko this time), deaths, yaoi couples, awkward moments, apathy, I am evil at the end.**

 **Disclaimer: Still gotta keep telling everyone that I do not own Naruto, man… it's gonna be a train wreck when I work on my next fic considering I want to do a crossover.**

* * *

Suna really is a boring village. I don't blame them, it's nothing but sand and more sand, I've gotten enough sand in my sandals to build a sandcastle. I've reorganized Gaara's office, his paperwork, Temari's closet, Kankuro's makeup, graded exams from their academy AND painted my nails all within the span of 6 hours before my brain decided it had enough and rage quit for the night.

Not long after the rescue team brought in a poisoned Kankuro, I sent several clay birds to Konoha so the travel will be a matter of hours. My chocobos can't run in the sand, they're too heavy and their feet are too thin. In reality, I should have done that earlier but I was too busy panicking. Waiting 3 days is pointless, Obito would just teleport the three of them to the hideout and claim it as one of his abilities as Tobi, Sasori wouldn't care either way.

The sooner Kankuro gets his stupid butt healed the quicker we can hurry to Gaara.

"You don't seem concerned for Kankuro's well being, Deidara. Chiyo-baasama was unable to find a cure for him..." Baki sweat drops as I'm painting my toenails black and painting a tiny Uchiha fan on the big toes. Like I said… I'm bored.

I stick out my tongue in concentration, "Doesn't matter to me if he lives or dies in reality. The only reason why I want his heart beating is because Gaara-kun cares about him, nothing more and nothing less, un." Call me heartless, but Kankuro is someone I never cared for, weather it's as Deidara or as my past self.

"But… Kankuro will be okay? And what about Gaara?" I can tell he was getting annoyed by how relaxed I am.

I wiggle my toes, pleased with how my work turned out, "Kankuro will be fine, Sakura is smart enough to handle something as simple as Sasori's poisons. And Gaara… I did say I would get him back, but I need everyone here first, un." Sure, I could go there myself. But there is the issue of the seal placed around the hideout, I can use Madara, Hashirama and Tobirama along with a clone to remove the 4 point seals… but then there's one teeny-tiny detail that would cause issues.

Those seals create an exact replicas of the person who pulls off the tag. I don't know how it would work on an edo tensei body, but there is no way in hell am I risking a perfect copy of me. I want to save Gaara, not cause the apocalypse!

Everyone arrived to Suna within a few hours, the sand storm slowed everything down, another reason why I hate visiting Suna. Sakura quickly made work to make an antidote for Kankuro while I gave everyone a run down on what to expect, with Itachi and Kisame's help.

"It takes 3 days to extract a jinchuriki, if the process is already underway then we will only have two days to get there…" Itachi sighs when Naruto started spewing out words about getting to Gaara on time.

Kisame grins, "Easy tiger. We don't know where they went until the Sasori copycat recovers."

Naruto tilts his head, "Who the hell is Sasori?"

"My grandson."

We all turn our head to see Chiyo walking over, huh… I would have thought she was playing dead somewhere. Quickly, she attacks Kakashi calling him the White Fang of Konoha, which caused me to facepalm.

"Lady, that man has been dead for ages, un." I fold my arms in annoyance as she realized her mistake. In the other room, I hear Kankuro groaning back into consciousness, telling Kakashi that he got a scrap of Sasori's cloth, "Great, sniff him out."

Naruto nodded vigorously to my statement while Sasuke grabbed his head to prevent further brain damage. Thank you Sasuke, I need him alive.

 _Nighttime_

We had to stop for the night due to Chiyo being old and because the desert is only cool at night. The situation has left me more in the dark because based on the trail Pakkun picked up, Obito and Sasori are still in the desert but are stationary. That means the Akatsuki changed locations on where to extract the Ichibi.

It was a pretty smart tactic, Obito has suspicions of my knowledge and because we have Itachi and Kisame on our side, the leader would naturally make finding them harder. Much to my annoyance, but it eliminates traveling through a forest.

Kisame and Itachi are on night watch a fair distance away while the rest of us are either sleeping, or too hyper-aware to sleep. Naruto and Sasuke are being protective and having Sakura sleep between them, giving her 6 inches of rolling room on each side. Kimimaro and Neji are sleeping nearby the trio with their backs pressed against each other… I guess it counts as cuddling, but I think they just want to be able to leap into action if needed. The rest of team Gai kept their distance… and Tenten was still cuddling that stupid penguin.

The only ones awake are me, Chiyo and Kakashi, all staring into a fire. Occasionally, I would get up to check the chibis out of paranoia, but after the 12th time I got up in the span of 2 hours, Kakashi made me sit.

Chiyo eyes me, "I have to ask this, why are you doing this for Gaara?" I give her a heated glare at the stupid question, old woman or not, if I'm gonna chew out someone like Jiraiya… this lady has no safety features.

"Because unlike you, I care about him. I know you are involved in this purely because of Sasori, and frankly, you disgust me, un." Kakashi wisely scoots away from me sensing my rage building.

"Excuse me?" Chiyo returns a glare, though it was half-hearted.

"I don't care if it was under the orders of the Yondaime Kazekage, you made an insane murderer out of an innocent child, robbed him of his childhood… you might as well have signed his death certificate at this rate. I should have taken him from your damn village years ago like I did with every other child I've raised. Not like your village could have stopped me, un." It was a subtle reminder to myself that in another timeline, this body took Gaara away, and I'm stronger than that time too. Now this body is working to save him.

Chiyo paled slightly and looked away, "It was for the sake of the village. We needed to seal Shukaku into someone close to the Kazekage."

"And not once did anyone think 'Hey, maybe if we weren't such a dick to the kid, he wouldn't want to murder anyone!' pathetic, un. Naruto, the blond one, he's the kyuubi no jinchuuriki. I adopted him and gave him a loving family because I didn't see the monster, I saw a child. I'm honest with him, I kept him good." This cause a snort to escape me, "You ruined the lives of two children, ironic that they are both redheads, un." I shoot to my feet and storm to Itachi, burying my face into his back.

Itachi looks over at me slightly, "Dei?"

I shake my head and cling to his shirt, it takes one shakey inhale to let my husband know to let me silently rage.

 **3rd person POV**

Kakashi sweat drops, "My apologize for Deidara, he is sensitive on the subject of the Akatsuki and jinchuurikis."

Chiyo stared into the fire, slowly having flashbacks of Sasori as a child, "Care to explain to me why?" There was no venom in her voice, right now she just sounded like a tired old woman.

Kakashi quickly made sure everyone is asleep, "Deidara has… special knowledge. The Akatsuki tried to recruit him when he was 11, and had they, Gaara would have been his assignment to capture." Chiyo shot her head to look at the jonin in shock, "He is by nature, protective of children and he truly cares about Gaara… Itachi, the man Deidara is clinging to, is not only his husband, but a former Akatsuki member."

Chiyo slowly nods, 'So that's why he jumped to being hostile…'

"Now answer me this. What did he mean by two children?" Kakashi tilted his head in interest. He was absentmindedly amused by the moment a cool breeze hit Sakura, Sasuke scooted close to her to block the wind. Naruto at some point had teleported from the trio to about 20 feet away in his sleep.

The elder sighed, "He meant my grandson… who is also a member of the Akatsuki. But now I'm curious to know how he knew about that?" To her it made no sense, Deidara's words implied that he knew about Sasori's past.

Kakashi rubs his head, "It's Deidara. He knows a lot of things."

Meanwhile back in Konoha and in the Shinigami's stomach, two Hokages sneezed much to everyone's confusion.

 _That morning_

 **Deidara's POV**

You know, I never thought seeing someone like Kisame the first moment I wake up would result in me nearly giving Itachi a heart attack.

Unlike our usual sleeping position, we chose to have Itachi sleep on top of my trench coat and me on top of him… mostly his idea because sand makes me cranky. Because of this, I ended up having my face smothered in Itachi's hair, so Kisame had to wake us up… which resulted in me jolting at the sight of his face and Itachi almost stabbing Kisame in the throat out of reflex. Yeah, there's a reason why I practically pin him in my arms at night and not the other way around.

Kisame scoots away from the sharingan wielding Uchiha, "I know you take pictures when people do something cute or funny, so here you go." Kisame hands me my scope, resulting in me acting like a parrot and twisting my neck to look at everyone.

Needless to say, I was pleased with the sights, who knew shinobi were not only ungraceful when sleeping, but implus cuddlers?

Naruto was dangling upside down from a nearby rock due to sleepwalking, snoring away and drooling due to gravity. Sasuke was spooning Sakura, the girl was awake and by her expression I can tell she wasn't sure if she should let this continue or scream and beat the shit out of him. Neji and Kimimaro had the other half of the shift and it was obvious that they had only just recently fallen back asleep. They were both sitting cross legged and Neji had his head wedged in the crook of Kimimaro's neck. Lee and Tenten are sharing the Prinny as a pillow while Gai was already awake and doing morning squats. To be honest, the only people that seem to sleep like normal human beings are Kakashi and Chiyo.

We quickly wake everyone up and eat before heading towards where the supposed hideout was. Kakashi had to jump off the bird to find it because it blended in so well with the rocks and sand that I kept flying over it.

Noticing the familiar seal, I quickly relaxed knowing that nothing has changed besides the location. Team Gai agreed to be the ones to remove the seals and headed off. I look towards Kisame and Kimimaro, "Kisame-san, go with Gai. Kimi… well… follow your boyfriend, un." Neither protested and headed off, "Okay, so when we get in the cave they will split up. Naruto, Kakashi and Sasuke will handle the masked man, un."

Itachi eyes me as I smirk at the irony of making Kakashi chase his former best friend. Call me cruel, but it keeps Obito from using his abilities too often.

Naruto nods, "What about the other guy?"

I fold my arms, "Sakura and Chiyo can handle him, Itachi will take Gaara to a safe location and I will remain to make sure no one dies, un." I was being vague for a reason.

Watching Kakashi rip the seal, I decided to break Sakura's thunder. Without warning I threw several C1's at the rock, blowing it up and bolting.

( **AN: From this point on, Obito will be referred to as Tobi until otherwise stated** )

"Hello! Anyone interested in hearing about our Lord and Savior Kingdom Hearts?!" I ended that sentence with a big grin when Tobi tensed up and I felt Sasori facepalm inside Hiruko. Everyone was looking at me like I had gone nuts except for Itachi, who was in serious mode staring at the pair.

Sasuke looks at me in confusion, "Kingdom what?" I can feel Tobi break into sweat, I must have traumatized the guy… good, he deserves it for kidnapping me.

"Gaara!" The subject was quickly diverted when Naruto noticed Gaara laying on the ground, "Why are you just laying there Gaara! Wake up!"

I bite my lip as I pat his shoulder as I pass by him, "Honey…" Keeping a cautious eye on the duo, I walk towards Gaara. He was far enough to where Tobi couldn't grab me, but Sasori could either attach chakra strings or attack me with his tail. Kneeling by Gaara, I gently scoop up the young Kazekage into my arms, "They removed the Shukaku from inside him, un." All of my attention focuses on Tobi when Naruto's rage builds up. My own fear was beginning to build as I had a staring contest with that lolipop of a mask, even the curse mark on my neck slowly began to tingle as my desire to kill the man in front of me grew.

Tobi tilts his head, I could feel the smirk on his lips despite the childish tone, "Something the matter, Deidara? You sure bringing your brother here was a good idea? I don't mind doubling my quota."

Sasori glares at Tobi, "Our quota is one a piece, we are short handed though." It didn't stop Sasori from pointing his tail at his partner in annoyance, which Tobi jumped away in fake worry.

I think what set Naruto off was the fact Tobi bumped into me, which caused me to nearly drop Gaara and my brother saw the panicked look in my eye.

"I'll kill you!" Tobi broke into a run using another exit in this hideout. Naruto, Kakashi and Sasuke were on his tail leaving the rest of us behind.

I cautiously back away from Sasori and hand Gaara to Itachi, "Darling, please take Gaara-kun somewhere safe, un."

Hiruko's head raises to emulate Sasori's interest, "Did you just call Itachi 'darling'?" Good to know his ears work.

I nod while giving Itachi a peck on the cheek, "Yep! He is my husband! I know, I landed a really good one too, un." Chiyo was mildly disturbed by how happy I could act in such a dangerous situation… then was even more disturbed when Sakura joined in my giggling. Get in line Chiyo, Hiruzen is at the front with about a dozen other people behind him, "But I will not be fighting, I'll be watching from the sidelines. Please refrain from attacking me or I will destroy your puppets Sasori-no-danna, un." And now the disturb factor went from a 5 to a 20 for Chiyo.

Itachi glances at me, "Dei, I sincerely hope you had a slip of the tongue there." In reality he was just teasing, well aware that I called Sasori "Danna" even in my past life, but it still didn't change the fact that danna can mean either master or husband.

I chirp out, "Nope!" Before waving my hand dismissively, "I never mess up my honorifics… What? Do you want to be called Itachi-no-danna?" I smirk playfully when Itachi went into full on Nope Mode and left with Gaara, "Thought so, un!"

While Sasori's grandmother looked like she thought I was insane, again get in line, Sasori didn't seemed bothered by it, "Even on opposite sides you show respect to your opponent."

I simply shrug then attach my feet to the wall of the cave, calmly watching the fight take place. I wonder how everyone else is doing?

 _With Kimimaro and the Nejis_

 **3rd person POV**

"I can see why Deidara would have you come with me, but you should be helping Lee if this is the case for all four of us." Neji barely counters his doppelganger's rotation with his own, he's spent the last 5 minutes trying to give Kimimaro an opening.

"Nii-sama gave the orders. Lee is able to fight himself, but please keep talking so I do not get you two mixed up." Kimimaro steps to the side as Neji slides by him, "If it fights like you, then I may have to take a different approach in how I fight… I have noticed this is sharper than most blades." Kimimaro clenches his fist and bones slowly seeped through the knuckles. ( **AN: So think Wolverine from Marvel comics** )

Neji looks over at the Kaguya before shaking his head, "Put those away, they make you look like a brute*. We'll figure out a different way to fight my copy." Neji gently pats Kimi's hand to make the bones return to normal, "I have an idea…"

 _With the Tentens_

"Gah! I shouldn't have packed so many weapons!" Tenten rolled away as her copy showered the land with Kunais and explosive tags, "Why did I pack explosives? Deidara-san is the expert on all things that go boom!"

"Leave it to me, dood!" The peg-legged penguin that for some reason has survived all these years, pulls out a massive cartoony bomb out of nowhere and proceeds to throw them at the fake Tenten… and at the real Tenten by accident.

The poor brunette sweat drops profusely trying to avoid the bombs, "Not me!"

The prinny changes course, spinning dramatically on its wooden legs, "Sorry about that! I have a hard time aiming when you both are running around dood!" Seems like Tenten is the one that is having the most trouble… but then, again her copy is also having trouble.

 _With the Lees_

Lee was just kicking his copy's ass… by talking about how youthful he has felt and accidentally consuming some sake in a chakra pill that a certain bomber slipped into his pouch while he was asleep… nuff said.

 _With the Gais and Kisame_

Gai and his copy were dramatically battling in the art of youth, one with over 30 years of training… and the other was just a doppleganger with an expression blanker than one of Sasuke's canvas after realizing he only had pink left.

The copy made a wild swing towards Gai when Kisame blocked the kick with his Samehada, "Well well well, this clone fights almost as well as the real one, the Akatsuki must have upgraded the seal."

Gai flashes a smile at Kisame and a thumbs-up, "Thank you- Uhhhh… what is your name?"

Kisame freezes on the spot and deadpans, "Are you serious? I've lived in your village for the last 3 years now, I'm the only one with blue skin… and you cannot remember my name?" His shoulders slump when Gai could only respond with an equally blank expression, "I'm half tempted to cut you into ribbons because of this if it wasn't for the fact Itachi-san would kill me if I did. My name is Hoshigaki Kisame."

Gai sheepishly grins before mirroring his copy's moment to block a kick, "Well, I'll make sure to remember that Kisame! I remember all youthful individuals!"

Kisame wanted to facepalm, 'He's not going to remember my name.'

 _Back with Deidara_

 **Deidara's POV**

'Something tells me it was a bad idea to have Kisame fight with Gai… oh well.' I hummed a happy tune as Sakura and Chiyo were fighting Sasori, who was now using the Sandaime Kazekage. I wonder why Kabuto never reanimated him? Must have been because Orochimaru reanimated him first and there is some odd rule that keeps other summoners from taking your undead army. I mean, that is a good rule to have, last thing I need is Madara working for the enemy.

… Nahhhhhhhhh, Madara would sooner stab them before they could control him… I think.

"Oh shit!" I had to leap away before Sasori's poison laced iron sand could hit me, "Do you mind scorpion butt? I'm trying to think, un!"

Sasori smirked and seemed to have decide to humor my anger, "Oh? You can think, brat? You seemed too full of hot air…" I know that face. Every Uchiha I meet makes that face and you are not an Uchiha. I dare you, I fucking dare yo- "un."

THAT'S IT!

Sakura quickly began to usher Chiyo to a safer location, "Chiyo-baasama, I suggest we get out of Deidara-sensei's way-" BOOM, "Nevermind…"

The remains of the Sandaime Kazekage scattered as I tried to steady my breathing, "Wanna make fun of my speech impediment again, Sasori-no-Danna? Huh? I only need a C3 to destroy your Secret Red Technique and I have a trump card that renders your poison useless, un." My mouth grew into an insane grin as adrenaline pumped through my veins and Sasori mouthing "How…?" to himself.

Returning to a blank expression, Sasori slowly removed his coat, cue the fangirls inside my head squealing. Sorry ladies, it's not Itachi, it's a puppet… why did they get louder? Oh right, Sasori has a lot of fangirls.

"I must admit, I haven't been pushed this much since I joined the Akatsuki… I wonder how long it's been…" Letting the coat slip off, he extended the stomach cord and allowed himself to stand on it like a pedestal, "Oh yes… it's been a while indeed… since I last used myself."

Chiyo and Sakura were horrified looking at Sasori's puppet body… I was snickering… a lot. It was pretty noticeable when someone who usually avoids hand-to-mouth contact is doing it. I can't help myself, I have a dirty mind.

"Deidara-sensei… why are you laughing?" Sakura cautiously walked to me like an exterminator does a rabid animal, Sasori was summoning his 100 puppets.

"Sorry, sorry. I have a dirty mind, Sakura." She looks more puzzled, "Repeat what Sasori-no-Danna said as he was taking of his coat in your head slowly, un." A pause… followed by the pinkette joining me in a snickering mess.

Chiyo quickly got the innuendo, but handled it more maturely, "This generation…" Followed by summoning her own puppets.

Sasori also handled this situation rather calmly, "... I would have still prefered you as a partner over Tobi. You seem to know when to keep your mouth shut."

I wave my hand like a fly decided to bother me, "Everyone prefers me over Tobi. But you haven't seen me sleep deprived on sugar, un." I quickly get out of the way to watch the fight.

 _With Kakashi, Tobi, Naruto and Sasuke_

 **3rd person POV**

"HOLD STILL!"

"Wha! Come on kid, I was just doing as ordered!" Tobi dodges a red eyed Naruto while also picking up the pace, it didn't help that Kakashi and Sasuke were also on his ass.

"Don't get close to him, Naruto!" Sasuke shoves Naruto away just as Tobi reached for him, "Who knows what his abilities are. Kakashi, is the jutsu almost ready?"

"Yeah… I just need a few more minutes, keep him in one area." Kakashi lifts up his forehead protector to reveal his sharingan.

Sasuke's mind decided to become distracted, thinking out loud, "Okay so what is Kingdom Hearts? And why is that guy tensing up at the mention of it?" Sasuke points at Tobi, who went from acting like a wiggle worm to stiff as a board in a second.

Naruto perks up while still looking pissed, "Oh! Deidara-nii talks about it all the time, I think it's a book he wants to write, dattebayo. Remember that cat he made for Sakura-chan during the chunin exams? The Chirithy? That's something related to that Kingdom Hearts thing, dattebayo."

Sasuke nods slightly, "Ah… and why does he tense up?" Sasuke looks over at Tobi, who is still stiff.

Tobi rubs his head as anime sweat flew off his head, "Ah… Deidara spent hours talking about it after I kidnapped him." Every bird in the area decided then to shut up sensing deadly chakra seeping the area, "Oh? Did he not tell you? We nearly got him to join had Itachi-san not intervened."

Kakashi scooted away from Naruto, 'Crap… that was the one Deidara related fact we never wanted Naruto to learn…'

Now Naruto was cloaking his body in red chakra, "You… kidnap and kill Gaara… and then you kidnapped Deidara-nii?! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

Sasuke smirks, "Run." Tobi did that as he noped away and everyone resumed their chase.

 _Back with Deidara again_

 **Deidara's POV**

I patiently waited as Sakura and Chiyo fought against all of the puppets, things were going more smoothly to the point where Sakura didn't need to be controlled by chakra strings. Everytime she got overwhelmed, she would hide in the earth and pop up in a clearer space, always on the offence.

But now it was hitting the end note, Sasori was in another body and just stabbed Sakura as she tried to protect Chiyo. Chiyo gave her the antidote so Sakura had more strength, only for Sasori to pull out a hidden blade. He aims for Sakura, but hesitates for that split second…

Long enough for me to kick his parent puppets away and slam a seal over his heart, shutting down his chakra system and the body falling lifeless.

"Deidara-sensei?!" Sakura collapses to her knees as I pull out the tube I have to call a heart.

"One of Sasori's spies, who is Orochimaru's henchmen will arrive on the Tenchi Bridge in 13 days in the Land Of Grass. I'm taking this, un." I collect Sasori's body from the giant hugging seal and hop away to put everything in a scroll, "I swear… you Akatsuki members need to see someone, all but maybe 3 of you commit suicide, un." Hugging the scroll, I place it in my pouch and go to find Itachi.

 _An hour later_

I lean against Itachi as Gaara slowly opened his eyes after Chiyo's sacrifice. She was going to die anyway due to the poison… but she decided to give herself up to give Gaara a second chance. Just like in the anime and manga.

( **AN: Back to calling Obito by his name** )

Obito got away, of course. Kakashi used kamui and the Uchiha got away using the same jutsu, leaving Kakashi useless as expected. I wonder why he didn't leave earlier?

We returned to Suna where everyone was waiting to greet their Kazekage home, I had spent most of the trip hugging Gaara. He was such a good teddy bear when he didn't have sand stuck to his body. We paid our respect to Chiyo before heading home…

And Gai giving Kakashi a piggyback ride… thank Kami only Kisame and Itachi know I take photos.

Lee was quick to offer Neji a ride, "Neji."

"Forget it! I have dignit- KIMIMARO!" The Hyuuga prodigy turned bright red when Kimimaro threw him on his back, now giving the teen his own piggyback ride.

"You looked tired." Was all Kimi said before bolting at high speeds after Gai and Kakashi.

There was an awkward silence as we trudged after them, "Who wants me to make birds, un?"

I received 5 "Yes!" and 2 "Hn." at my question.

 _At Tsunade's office_

"You… have Akasuna No Sasori… in a scroll… and you want to keep him?" Tsunade was calmly assessing the situation after I reported everything.

I toss the scroll up and down in my hand, "I already talked with Gaara-kun about it and he was fine as long as Sasori behaved himself, un." In reality I'm just going to give him a very lengthy talk then give him to Gaara, I don't think someone like Sasori would thrive in Konoha. Too happy for him.

Tsunade pauses, looks at the scroll, then nods, "Very well. Now… about this spy he has to meet up… I have someone who will replace Sasuke on that mission."

The door behind me silently opens and a very familiar pale-as-paper boy entered the room. He had a true smile this time and more life in those black eyes, but other than that he still looked the same.

"So you are the one that killed Danzo-sama and set us free. Please to meet you Deidara-san, my name is Sai."

* * *

 **Cliffhanger! I know, I'm so mean! :D But Sai will be in the next chapter. It was honestly a pain having to adjust all the dates to fit with the changes I made, but I made it work. Gaara lost Shukaku, but if he kept it, then the village would just get attacked again and again until he finally died, and by then Chiyo might have passed.**

 **PLEASE NOTE: Please save all Sai related questions for the next chapter! I will** **NOT** **answer them if you ask them in this chapter because half of the time they will be answered there. If your current question is not answered by the next chapter than ask away next week. Just note two key details about Sai: He will not make many appearances in the fanfiction because, while I like Sai... As a character he bores me to death, and he will also NOT have a pairing, Ino will be with someone else. (And I am not going to say who.)**

* Last week one of the reviews requested Kimimaro use his powers like Wolverine, I was considering it but my beta pointed out that it did not match Kimimaro's style. I don't like Marvel, but I decided to have Kimi think about it when Neji argue against it. I'm gonna keep most references to being Deidara related because it seems weird to have others make those references.

 **I'm not really sure what I'm going to do for the next chapter, because Deidara will not be going with the team to face Orochimaru. So I will most likely have half of it be Sai and Yamato related, and the other half being catch up with characters like Karin and the twins.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys next weekend!**


	35. Teddy

**Good news: I figured out what I wanted to do with this chapter! Bad news: I wasn't able to finish this arc in a single chapter, joy.**

 **This chapter is kind of all over the place because I didn't know what to do with it, but it has its moments, hopefully you guys enjoy the interactions.**

 **Thank you guys so much for all the faves, follows and reviews!**

 **cloth slayer: I don't think I will have Gai and Kisame become rivals, Kakashi already has that role for Gai lol. There is also the fact that Kisame is a swordsman, so if anyone is going to be his rival, it would be Zabuza.**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: I never really understood the purpose of having Sai in the series when he was first introduced, besides being there to make Naruto uncomfortable. I think Kishimoto kinda bit off more than he could chew by creating so many characters, but then shelving them later on for the main characters. Hopefully I can do Sai some justice for the next couple chapters.**

 **put-it-in-your-butt: Thanks for the compliment!**

 **setokayba2n: Most likely after the kids are born. Got a lot on his plate to do first! :D**

 **duchessliz:I have to agree with you. Lot's of characters are underdeveloped and underappreciated, but I also just don't have much care for Sai because of that. But he will appear from time to time just like everyone else. :D**

 **AmirreaTheArtist: Deidara would not throw around memes or vines, cause I personally don't like either besides the sarcastic ones, so if he does say any, they are unintentional. He prefers references to other forms of pop cultures.**

 **wyattharto8: Yamato will still be the captain and no Deidara will not be involved in the mission at all. This chapter will be for him to catch up on a couple of characters and give Sai some screen time. I'm glad you are excited, this chapter was pretty fun to write out! :)**

 **CassieInTheDark: You got some more interactions in this chapter, hun!**

 **Tawnypelt37: Thanks for letting this be your favorite! I really did never expect this fanfiction to get so much hype and I really do appreciate all of the support that you all give. :3**

 **VenaHope: Just Team Seven will be facing Orochimaru and Sasuke is excluded in the mission because of the reason of keeping snakey-man away from him. He will awaken his mangekyou sharingan later in the fic and yes, he did invent Kirin. Deidara has yet to encounter Zetsu, so until he runs into Zetsu it will be hard to take care of him, and that guy will be avoiding Deidara like the bloody plague. Also… spoilers! But Deidara will DEFINITELY want to kill him, without a doubt. I can guarantee you that Zetsu will not have a beating heart (if he has one) by the end of this fic. Deidara will not be the one to bring back Minato and Hiruzen, he wants Naruto to converse with Minato when he is having Kyuubi problems and Hiruzen… poor guy is still recovering. Now on the subject of how much Deidara knows: If it happened in the manga, or is a filler that existed before Orochimaru's first death, then he knows. He knows about the manga/anime special where Sarada is having daddy problems and awakens her sharingan, he knows Boruto is a little shit head, and he knows about Mizuki. He knows who married who, what kids they had and what happened to the majority of characters during the beginning of the Boruto arc (like Anko getting really fat and Orochimaru looking really young). He does not know about the** **Otsutsuki, or Kawaki, or any of that stuff. Frankly, once the main series is over he is just going to be done with all that noise and most likely spam C4 on anyone that seems like a pain in the ass.**

 **crazby: It is Naruto crossed over with another anime… I won't say what, the only hint I'm giving is that it is one of the animes listed on my profile. :P Also, I would not make a crossover series with Si!Dei and Itachi purely because I see it as an inconvenience for both myself and any new readers. The inside jokes would basically be me going "Don't understand? Too bad! Go read the original fanfic!" which is not my style. Also those two would fall into depression really fast, because it means that they would never see their loved ones again and who knows if they would find each other (I mean... they would, but it would take some time). I also would not be able to produce a reasonable explanation for any of the rebirths, like this one was purely because the Sage Of Six Paths was annoyed with the original timeline and also bored. It's a cool idea, but would not work with my style.**

 **Apperatus: Welcome to the fic! Please buckle in your seatbelt because you entered a rollercoaster that has not had maintenance and has no regards for your safety and well-being. :D**

 **Bunnyguest: Naruto was bound to find out anyway, and now Tobi is high on Naruto's ass kicking list.**

 **Ghost: Definitely subs with some exceptions here and there like Hinata's voice and Kabuto sounds more smug in the dub. I'm not a fan of Madara's voice… it doesn't give the impression of power and ego, not deep enough tbh. I like Orochimaru too, so don't worry. And Itachi and Sebastian? Hm… Nah, can't hear it.**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: The ex-ROOT members do get an explanation in this chapter! I didn't see much reason to turn it into a side story when it fits the narrative. (Side-stories are usually the comical stuff anyway) Also I will be doing the Mito, Madara and Hashirama side story pretty soon, I have a side-story that I will be posting during the Sora arc that needs to appear first. (Plus I need something to keep me sane during that arc… God I hate Sora)**

 **Dkskc: Not even close hun… not even close, I have never even had Ino interact with Gaara and I never will. I don't even have any plans for Gaara to get with anyone, maybe Matsuri. Maybe.**

 **Ringo1327: Oh trust me, that little asshole so much as put a scratch on Naruto and he's dust, literally.**

 **Triazatriborinane: Never seen that video, now I'm curious.**

 **ladybug002: Thanks! :3**

 **Momoshinju:Thanks for the compliment! I don't have much intention on reainmating any of those three. I have explained on multiple occasions that I will not be reanimated Minato, but Mito and Kushina are some other reasons. Deidara is not going to be messing with the Shinigami anymore, so Kushina will not be reanimated by him. And Mito is someone that I'm gonna be honest, I forget she exists half the time and I have no idea what they did with her body after she died. So Deidara would be unable to find DNA of her. Interesting idea though. ^^**

" **Blah** " - Kurama talking (I know, been a while huh?)

 **Warning: Mentions of suicides, this is an important one to keep in mind because I am aware that this is a very serious topic and I do not want anyone taking light on the subject. Besides that it has the usual, swearing, violence, Anko, perverted talk (thanks Anko), yaoi, references.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any other franchises that I mention in this chapter like Yugioh.**

* * *

I pour the boy in front of me a cup of tea as he calmly observes my home. He would occasionally stare at the family photo of me, Naruto, and Kimimaro that I had us take several years ago. It's easier to speak with him privately than risk someone listening in on our conversation, I still have the majority of the village banned from the compound.

Lacing my fingers together, I rest my chin on them, "So Sai, tell me how life has been the past 3 years. You seem to know about me and how I killed Danzo, un." I watch the pale boy drink some of his tea before sighing. I know that sound anywhere.

"Well…"

 _Flashback-no-jutsu_

 **3rd person POV**

( **AN: Because Sai's name was given to him he will be referred to as "The Boy" until he is given his name.** )

"Danzo-sama is dead!" Was the first thing The Boy heard that fated day. Everyone in ROOT handled it calmly, as due to their training. Some of the more loyal ones swore that they would avenge Danzo, while the rest were mute on the subject.

Before actions could be made, Hiruzen stepped into the room with several of his personal ANBU guards, "Danzo is indeed dead... executed to be precise, for the order of the unauthorized genocide of an entire clan… along with various other reasons. At the request of Deidara, the one that executed him, we will be removing the seals on your tongues and reintroducing you all as proper shinobi of Konoha, or not. You are now free from him."

Everyone stood there in shock. Free? They were actually free? The Boy stood there in the mess of ROOT members, barely able to see in front of him because of his small frame. Suddenly, there was yelling. The Boy crawled through several pairs of legs to see a few ROOT members fighting some ANBU. Within seconds all of the ROOT members laid dead, another seal on these specific members had triggered a reaction of rage even if they were trained to be emotionless.

Hiruzen sighs, "We will discuss everything to each of you. Please follow these men and we will work on the seals. I request an audience with a boy in your rank, he is pale with black hair and uses ink to fight." At first, no one moved, then slowly The Boy was pushed to the front to Hiruzen. The members of ROOT were trained to obey not only Danzo, but also whoever was the Hokage at the time as that was their leader's goal.

The Hokage smiled, "Come with me please." The Boy wordlessly obeyed the request as his comrades were taken away, "Deidara specifically mentioned you."

That caught The Boy's attention, "May I ask why that is the case?" Every ROOT member is a blank slate, no one knows about them except for Danzo. So the idea that this Deidara person knew about him was almost impossible, unless outside information leaked out.

The old man enters the Hokage longue area and serves The Boy some tea, "We can talk here. Deidara, to be blunt at his request, knows about a future that he is changing. Apparently you had a role in it, and he developed emotional attachment to your existence… you are the one he specifically wanted to make sure was alive."

If The Boy could feel emotions, he would be shocked, no one besides Shin ever cared about his existence. But… there is a stranger that somehow knows not only the future, but also his role in it. It peaked his interest that's for sure.

"We will have your seal removed and you will be moved into the same apartment complex as Deidara. Whatever you do after that is your choice. Do you have any requests in the matter, Sai?" Hiruzen didn't even realize the slip of the tongue.

"Sai?" The Boy thought for a moment, he liked that name. It seem to fit him and he doesn't know why. Looking at the ceiling, he began to think. He didn't want to meet Deidara yet… but he did come up with an idea, "Yes…"

 _Flashback ends_

 **Deidara's POV**

"You want to be on the same squad as me when I become a captain, un…" I cross my arms at the idea, having Sai would be useful considering his abilities are only limited to the amount of ink he carries, not to mention he has been an ANBU longer. But something caught my attention, "I haven't encountered many former ROOT members, what happened to them?"

Sai pauses, then lowers his head to look at his tea, "When the seals were being removed… at least a third of the members… Danzo-sama's most loyal men… killed themselves fearing interrogation after the seals were removed."

The weight of the situation crashed into me like a bullet train. By killing Danzo early on I may have influenced dozens to commit suicide out of loyalty towards him. I understand that it may have happened off-screen in the anime after Sasuke kills him, but the idea that I caused this… it's horrible…

I guess I'm no better than the people I'm trying to kill.

"I'm so sorry… I'm so… so sorry…" After all these years, I came to the acceptance that I would have to kill in order to survive, I am aware of the fact that I am taking lives. But now it's laid out to me that people ended their lives because of my actions.

Sai smiles softly, understanding my inner turmoil at the sound of my voice breaking, "You did it to protect those you loved, correct?" When I nod he continues, "Then it was not your fault, you did not hand them the blades and they would have killed themselves even if someone else had killed Danzo-sama. The rest have either retired the shinobi life or changed their identity and moved on. I believe there is a certain tea shop you eat at with Anko, whose owner got married a few months after Danzo-sama's death… please believe me when I say that you did more good than harm, Deidara-san." He walks over to me to pat my shoulder, most likely in hopes of calming down my worry.

I nod while my brain slowly began to pull my subconscious back into the present world. It's too late to undo anything, and like Sai said, they would have reacted the same no matter when I decided to kill Danzo. That bastard needed to die anyway in order for Itachi to come home.

"To change subjects, what is the point of having only a chunk of your hair in a ponytail?" As if to prove his point, he holds the hair I have tied up and proceeds to bounce it in his hand like a water balloon.

I whack his hand away, "Oi oi oi, hands off the merchandise! The shinobi life controls literally everything about me physically besides my hair, so I take enjoyment in keeping my hair long and partially up, un." I wanted to punch that amused expression on his face, "Go talk to your new teammates."

Sai laughs and heads out, I have to admit, it's nice seeing him more lively and full of emotions. Once I was certain he was gone, I slip on a dark blue yukata and grabbed my wallet. If I'm gonna talk to Sasori, I need to make sure he can't kill me on contact.

 _With team 7_

 **3rd person POV**

"Man, with Kakashi-sensei in the hospital, how are we going to go to the Land of Grass, dattebayo?" Naruto rests his arms against the back his head as he walked with Shikamaru and Choji. The duo had just gotten back from a mission and were heading the same direction as Naruto.

"Honestly, I don't see the point in going. It's obvious Deidara knows about it and it'll be troublesome if that turns out to be a trap." Shikamaru tries to be the voice of reason… but then remembered who he was talking to and quickly gave up. Too much effort anyway.

Choji talked through a mouthful of chips, "Shikamaru's right. Sasuke is safe in the village, going out there with him near that snake guy is like giving me a plate of barbecue meat."

Both spiky haired individuals halt their walking to stare at the Akimichi with sweat drops. As odd as the simile was… it fits the situation at hand.

Naruto shakes his head to break his daze, "Gaaahhhh, don't say weird stuff like that... WHAT THE?!" Naruto was promptly thrown to the ground as Choji pushed him to avoid a black and white 2D Chinese lion charging headfirst at them.

"Wow, good reflex! But these are faster." Sai smirked as he draws multiple birds while also dodging Shika's shadows.

Naruto, losing his temper, summons a clone to help him make a rasengan, "Take this!" But Sai merely ducks.

"You… are really weak. We'll meet soon, Naruto." The boy poofs away in a cloud of smoke.

Naruto groans, "Great… Deidara-nii is involved."

Choji looks at Naruto in confusion, "What do you mean?"

The blond slumps, "Everytime I meet someone that's new, weird, and in Konoha, they know my brother, dattebayo."

'You're one to talk Naruto…' The duo thought in unison as they parted ways with Naruto, seeing Sakura and Sasuke in the distance.

"Hey guys, I met this really weird guy on the way here that attacked me. He looked like if Sasuke got his hair flattened and never went outside- THERE HE IS!" Naruto points at Sai, who was blocked by Sasuke's figure. The blond was then promptly smacked on the head by Sakura.

"Don't be rude, Naruto. This is Sai. He's temporarily replacing Sasuke-kun while we go to the Land of Grass." Sakura turns on her heel, hands behind her back and smiles at Sai, "Let's all get along, don't attack your teammates, okay?" She chose to ignore Sasuke's amused snort as he poked Naruto with his foot. Took a few seconds for the blond to get up.

Sai ponders this for a moment, and decides to test Sakura's temper, "I'll keep that advice in mind… ugly." The world seemed to have stopped for a moment as Naruto stares at Sai in fear… while Sasuke was slowly creating chidori in his hand, only to stop when the girl snaps.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?! Who are you calling ugly?!" Sakura tries to punch Sai in the face when Sasuke hooks his arm around her waist and throws her over his shoulder, "Wha? Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke sat Sakura down a few feet away, "Ignore him Sakura, he's just trying to get a reaction out of you. You're a beautiful young woman, anyone with eyes can see that." Realizing what he said, Sasuke looks away somewhat blushing while Sakura's face glows with a lovely shade of red that complimented her hair.

"Alright you four, settle down. Sasuke, your brother wants to talk to you." Everyone turns to see Yamato walking towards them.

Naruto's face brightens up, "Ah! Tenzo-san!" He waves frantically as Yamato sighs at his old name.

"I'm Captain Yamato now, Naruto. But it is good to see you too." Of course, everyone was lost as to how Naruto knew who Yamato was.

"You know him, Naruto?" Sakura observes Yamato like a kid does an animal at the zoo. When she heard someone was replacing Kakashi, she didn't expect someone that Naruto already knew.

Naruto nods, "Yeah! He's the one that made the apartments Kimi-nii and I live in! He can use the Shodai Hokage's jutsu, wood style, dattebayo!" Now everyone was staring at Yamato as the poor man became shy at the sudden attention and the incoming praises that soon left their lips. He wasn't use to this kind of attention... at all.

"Now now, it's no big deal. Come on, we need to speak with Tsunade-sama and get our mission." Yamato shoos away the miffed Uchiha and leads the other three to the Hokage's office. Sasuke turned his nose into the air and went to go find Itachi… But not before walking into a pole that was literal feets away from him.

 _Back with Deidara_

 **Deidara's POV**

'Who would have thought walking around Konoha with a giant teddy bear would gather so much attention?' My annoyance level kept increasing as people continued to stare at me. Granted, I am carrying a stuffed animal the size of my own body, but I'm married and expecting kids, you'd think people would mind their own business.

Reaching the compound, I enter my house and kick off my shoes. Itachi was there talking to Sasuke, he took one look at me and the bear, then grabbed Sasuke to leave the house for a while.

"Smart man." I smirk in amusement as I sat the bear down and pulled out the scroll containing Sasori. Unsealing it, I toss the puppet body aside, rip open the bear's chest and shove the heart inside it, "Please work, un."

The bear stayed motionless for a long time, until it shifted and finally spoke, "Deidara… you have 3 seconds to explain why I am a stuffed animal." The bear attempted to cross its arms… but the stubs for arms made that a little difficult.

I swallow a laugh that I know is about to escape me, "I didn't want to risk you attacking me, so I put you in the body of the second biggest stuffed animal I could find, un." Yes, I said second biggest. There should be a law against how big you are allowed to make stuffed rabbits when it's not Easter… and this world doesn't even celebrate Easter!

I let a snort escape me as Sasori began tapping his foot impatiently, which in all honesty just looks like he's stomping the ground. Sasori was… obviously not amused, "Do you plan on explaining to me why you stopped Chiyo-baasan from killing me?" Right down to business it seems. I cautiously make sure he cannot go near his real body as I motion to a couch… okay, having a stuffed sentiant bear is both amusing and horrifying, he can't even blink with those button eye- crap I got button eyes. The creep factor just increased dramatically.

"Well Sasori-no-Danna… you see…"

 _One rambling session later_

"Seriously, what the fuck is with you Akatsuki members and either commiting suicide or sacrificing yourself for every damn fight?! You, Kisame, Itachi, me, Pein, Tobi, Konan. I swear, the only ones that truly die for selfish reasons were Hidan and Kakuzu! Which, by the way I plan on killing those two myself, un." I pant trying to catch my breath after spending a good hour talking non-stop. How Daiki is able to keep this up I will never know, the boy must have lungs of steel.

Because Sasori is controlling a bear, I can't tell if he's shocked or not. The only physical indication I'm getting is the bear's head is tilted, "Are you this open with people about who you are, or should I be concerned for your mental state?" Cheeky bastard.

I run a hand through my hair to regain my composure, "Only to those whose fates I'm changing, un." I let out a nervous laugh as Sasori began to think.

"Hm… It's either I remain alive… or become the pawn of that traitor Kabuto… Perhaps this will be the better option. What are your plans for me?" Thank Kamis Sasori is willing to listen. I would rather not kill one of my favorite Akatsuki members.

"Gaara's willing to work with you back in Suna. You can keep your puppet body and continue making your human puppets, provided the person was suppose to die in the first place, un. What do you say?"

Sasori slowly got up and threw his heart towards his real body. As if on autopilot, it lands perfectly into the hole on his chest and the redheads stands, checking his joints. My ego perks at the realization that there is someone actually shorter than me for once.

"It would be more beneficial for me to follow that idea. I don't have a reason to go back to the Akatsuki if I have to deal with that idiot Tobi. You brats are quick to forgive though." Sasori muses the idea as he checked his weapons, pleased that I haven't taken the time to clean his weapons of the poison, much to my nervousness.

"Everyone deserves a chance at redemption… with some exceptions, un." That last bit ended with a grumble of annoyance.

"You mean Hidan and Kakuzu?" Sasori blinks as I had him a coat, similar to the Akatsuki but it was just plain black.

I chirp out a "Nope!" then create a bird, "Gaara-kun knows you are on your way. Please don't make me regret this, un." It's pathetic of me to plea my case, but it was worth a shot.

"No promises brat." Sasori hops on the bird, "... This is rather good craftsmanship. Pity it's not eternal."

I snort, "Eternal? Fuck no! Art is a fleeting moment gone at the blink of an eye! An explosion, un!" I give him a smug grin, I haven't had to give the whole "art is an explosion" spiel in a long time.

Much to my amusement, Sasori gives me a blank look, "Next time we meet, you and I need to sit down and reteach you real art." I have the bird take off and fly towards Suna.

"Good luck with that Danna!" I return inside, "Crap… what am I going to do with a giant bear? Ugh… it's creepy… Maybe Duck-kun can make something out of it, un."

 _A few days later_

"Now are you all sure you have everything, un?" Itachi, Kimimaro and I were all at the gate to see the new team 7 off, I of course was becoming a mother hen. Sasuke was… he was somewhere sulking, a quick brush of the ground allows me to find Sasuke hiding on the roof of a nearby shop.

"Gah! Don't worry about us Deidara-nii, we have everything and we're gonna kick Orochimaru's ass, dattebayo!" Naruto flashes me his iconic thumbs up, as if that would reassure me. Considering the fact that Orochimaru will become more desperate to get Sasuke as time goes does not help with my blood pressure.

I flash a glare at Yamato, "Anything happens to my chibis, it's on YOUR head Yamato. Got it?" The poor ANBU captain began shrinking into his jonin jacket as I allowed all of my kill intent to focus solely onto him like a tsunami wave.

Sensing my desire for blood, Itachi diverted my attention by planting a gentle kiss on my lips, "Please do not antagonize Yamato-san, Dei… they will be fine." Keeping my eye on him, he keeps a hold of my chin until I relax long enough for the team to leave, not without hearing Sai make a comment on my protectiveness which causes Naruto to chase him, "Don't you plan on meeting Ino and Karin for lunch? You don't want to be late. I'll be on a mission so sleep at Anko's." He pokes my forehead before leaving.

"I have a mission too Nii-sama. I'll see you when I get back." My brother hugs me before also leaving.

At the restaurant, the girls wave me over, which I happily plop into my chair, "Ladies~" I try to appear flirtatious by flipping my hair… but all that got me was hair in my mouth and the girls dying of laughter as I began blowing raspberries in an attempt to remove it.

"Deidara-san, you're married, no flirting with girls allowed." Karin wiggles her finger in a mocking tsk tsk motion, it's all fun and games with these two.

Ino hasn't changed much in her shippuden looks and I am not going to influence her at all, not my kid, not my problem. Karin has allowed her hair to be tied into a ponytail that spikes outward and instead of lavender, her shirt was mint green to compliment her hair. A plus to her new look is that her booty short covered more than just her damn booty, thank Kami.

I stick out my tongue in amusement, "Gotta practice for the husband, you understand how it is girls, un." If someone in my past life had told me I would one day find myself having lunch and joking with Ino and Karin, I would have called an insane asylum. But here I am, joking with two girls that I grew up hating with an passion and now absolutely adore.

Ino quickly grab my chopsticks and using it to grab my tongue, "Come on, we have news for you."

I tilt my head, my tongue still being held captive by the Yamanaka girl. I'm half tempted to use my palm mouths to drool and get her to release the organ, but I didn't want to make a mess, "Whaf?" Ino thankfully releases my tongue.

Karin grins, "I'm shadowing team Asuma and working as a substitute jounin instructor for genin teams." Oh yeah, did I mention that Karin is a jounin now?

"Asuma-sensei says that within a year she'll be running her own genin team at the rate she's going." Ino claps in delight at the thought of her friend jumping the ranks, "Her medical ninjutsu, sensing abilities and overall sense of strategy is helping her go through the process faster than anticipated."

I smirk, "Nice work Karin. Not the news I was expecting, but I'm proud for you nonetheless."

Now the girls were confused, Karin spoke, "What news were you expecting?" She had every right to feel suspicious, after witnessing me reanimating the Hokages would definitely make her cautious of my life plans.

"Oh, nothing~" We then order our food and proceed with lunch with light conversations.

 _That evening_

"If you used your planning abilities for evil, you would have had the world at the palm of your hands by now." Anko says through her… peanut butter covered dango sprinkled with chopped apples… don't ask me. She's pregnant. At least peanut butter and apples are good for her.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, un." I cross my legs on her couch so when she lays down, her feet land on my thigh. Once she wiggled her toes, I began to massage her feet expertly.

Anko groans happily, "Itachi is a lucky man." I guess her feet have really been killing her. And she's only… what? 3 months along? 4 months?

"Actually Itachi won't even let me touch his feet. Something about him not wanting me to kiss his feet, un." To remind Anko of my extra features I give her foot a playful nip from my hand mouth.

Anko wiggles her finger in a circular motion in the air, "Right, it would almost seem like the ultimate submission. Which is weird, I have never seen a single bruise on Itachi." And here comes the perverted conversation.

"That's because I leave my mark in places he can hide easily, makes it more of a shock value when others find out, un."

Anko hums to herself as I continued to massage her feet, "I wonder if anyone noticed how thorough you are in marking Itachi."

 _With Itachi_

 **3rd person POV**

"Neh… Itachi-san? I don't mean to pry into your personal life… but what do you and Deidara do that would result in bitemarks THERE?" Kisame watches in amazement as Itachi looks down at himself. The two had stopped at a hotspring for the night and decided to enjoy the waters. It was kinda hard for the swordsman to not notice the marks when Itachi is so pale and they are EVERYWHERE. ( **AN:Feel free to make this as perverted as you want guys. It can be as innocent as love bites trailing down his spine, or bite marks in… peculiar areas. :P** )

"Huh… I would have thought they would be gone by now." Itachi only noted the marks with mild interest before sinking back into the waters, "Deidara allows his hands to remind me that I married a man with 4 mouths. One that loves my lips, one that is sewn shut and the other two act like they have minds of their own."

Kisame scoots away, "You know a simple 'hn' would have sufficed, right?"

"Hn."

This lead to the sharkman sighing, "I should have kept my mouth shut."

Every other guy at the hot springs is either creeped out by the idea of someone with 4 mouths, or really jealous of the Uchiha's sex life.

 _Back at the sleepover_

 **Deidara's POV**

"It'll happen eventually. I made them extra dark this time around, un."

"Ooh la la, Dei-chan getting possessive?" I chuck a pillow at Anko's head as she laughed, "Definitely possessive."

"Oh hush." I roll my eye as I move to give her a shoulder massage. Thankfully, that did the trick in shutting her up. For a moment.

"Hey Dei-chan, I'm getting an ultrasound scan soon, do you want me to tell you the genders of the twins afterwards?" Anko would look at me, but her body was too relaxed.

I pause for a moment, "Nah, I want it to be a surprise. We already have names picked out. If the twins are the same gender then Itachi will name the first born. If the twins are different gender then he will name the son, un." He had a better name idea for a son anyway, so I don't mind as long as I get to name the daughter.

"Plan on telling me what the names ar- ahhh…. Right there…" I hit a spot that had a nasty knot on it.

"Nope!"

 _Several days later at Tenchi Bridge_

 **3rd person POV**

"I hope this works…" Sakura watches with anxiety as Yamato disguised as Sasori spoke with Kabuto, so far it seemed to be working, "We should have had Deidara-sensei come with us…"

Naruto shakes his head, "No way. If Deidara-nii came with us then if it is a trap then he would be in danger." The same could be said for Sasuke, no matter how strong he was. Until he was trained by Itachi on how to properly work his sharingan, Orochimaru could overpower him at this time.

Sai gave the duo a knowing smile, "Oh trust me, if Deidara-san was here he would be just fine. After all, he was able to kill Da-" He was cut short when Orochimaru appeared on the bridge besides Kabuto, "Oh? So it was a trap."

Naruto glares at Sai, "No kidding it was a trap, come on, dattebayo!" The trio leap onto the bridge as Yamato's disguise was destroyed.

Orochimaru couldn't contain his disappointment, "So, Sasuke-kun is not here. Such a pity." Of course this struck a nerve in Sakura and Naruto.

"Sasuke doesn't want anything to do with you freaks!" Naruto's back went rigid as Kuruma began poking at weaknesses in the seal.

Orochimaru chuckles, "He does not know any better, had I had successfully given him the curse mark all those years ago, he would be my student. My next vessel." His smirk grew as Naruto's eyes became red, "Had things been different… you would be here trying to get him back, and Deidara would be dead long before you even brought Sasuke-kun home… In fact, I'd even say he would be your enemy."

Inside Naruto, Kurama let out a throaty chuckle, " **Well... the snake knows how to hit the kid's anger… and mine as well.** " Finding a weak point in Minato's seal, he seeps out chakra onto Naruto, " **Make this entertaining. I want to know how much of the truth he knows.** "

While Naruto was hearing only Kurama's voice, everyone else was watching as his body became cloaked in red chakra.

* * *

 **Side story # 10 Neji and Kimimaro** ( **About a month after Anko became pregnant** )

 **Deidara's POV**

"Nii-sama… can I talk with you about something private?" Kimimaro was fidgeting where he stood as I look up at him from washing dishes. Odd, he usually is really open and honest with me without asking for my permission.

"Sure honey, what's up?" I dry off my hands with a towel then motion for him to sit on the couch. Flopping in a chair, I relax myself as Kimimaro remained as stiff as ever, "Sweetie, you're going to give yourself back problems if you keep being that stiff, un."

That didn't stop Kimimaro from being tense, instead he gulped, "You and… Itachi are married right? And it's working out?" I nod, which makes him fidget even more, "So… two guys… can be together… and it would be okay?"

I roll my eye, "Yes. No one is having any issues with our relationship, why do you ask, un?" He really was acting weird, I hope he's not sick.

My brother began shrinking in his seat, obviously giving himself a mental pep talk, "I… well to be forward… um… Neji and I are dating!" Awww honey… the boy is shaking where he's sitting. I need to handle this situation with grace and all the gentle natures that comes with being an older brother.

"Wait… you two were not dating up until now?" I did say as a big brother, not as a mother. But it got Kimimaro to relax in his seat, "Neji's liked you since your guys first chunin exams, un."

Kimi sighs, "Yes… he told me, but I was the one that suggested we tried dating… and we are going to have our first date tomorrow." He quickly noticed me straightening up, "We are going outside the village to a tea house I saw on a mission one time. Please Nii-sama… do not interfere with it."

I salute him with a grin, "Don't worry. I won't be anywhere near you two, un."

 _The next day_

"Um… Deidara-san… why are we spying on Neji-niisan and Kimimaro-san?" Yep, I dragged Hinata into this.

"Because they are in Kumogakure territory so we are acting as guards… also don't you want to see your cousin enjoy his first date, un?" Her silence confirmed that she was also interested in how the date would go.

So far it's just been the two talking. I could tell that they were just talking about random stuff plus rules about marrying into the Hyuga clan… Oh right… I need to talk with the clan sometime when Naruto is ready to ask for Hinata's hand.

"Deidara-san, there are some Kumo shinobi heading their way…" I shift my focus onto an 4 man squad of Kumo ANBU heading for the tea house, "They mentioned something about the byakugan and the Kaguya clan…"

I straighten my back and shove my hands into my clay pouch, "Oh hell no. They are not interrupting my baby's first date. Come on Hinata, un." We meet the shinobi before they got within hearing range of the tea house, "Hinata, you take one I got the other three."

They must have thought this was a funny sight, until they noticed Hinata's byakugan and were instantly interested in her, and her exposed forehead.

"What's a Hyuga from the main house doing out here all alone?" The leader jeers with amusement as they began to ignore me.

While they were distracted, I dropped blood onto the three creatures I created… and holy shit were they cute.

I made Obelisk the Tormentor, The Sky Dragon of Osiris*, and The Winged Dragon of Ra… in chibi form… they reached my knees except for Osiris, he was as long as my body. Obelisk and Osiris stayed still as Ra began to waddle to one of the shinobi.

I clear my throat, "Ahem… Excuse me gentlemen, but the young lady is being escorted by me, un." Of course my speech impediment coupled with the trio of chibi monsters only made then laugh.

Ra settled down in front of one of them, his little chest kept puffing out like he has the hiccups. I was trying to appear manly and not have a squee fest… vocally, but I can already feel my eye increase in size by at least double.

"What the hell is this chicken-" The shinobi never got to finish his sentence when Ra opened its mouth and shot a stream of golden flames that instantly turned the man into ashes. Everyone froze where they stood as the tiny creature let out a small burp of smoke then smacked his beak a few times.

"That's Mega Ultra Chicken* for you. Time to play kiddies!" At an instant, Osiris launches at another shinobi and was more or less going burmese python on the guy while Obelisk used God Hand Crusher- pfffffff he says it and sounds like a chipmunk. This was the most adorable and the most terrifying thing I have ever witnessed, "Need help Hinata? I'm kinda enjoying the show right here."

"I have my opponent handled Deidara-san, please relax and enjoy yourself!" Hinata proceeds to use 64 palm on the leader of the team, blocking his chakra points. Ra decided to help in the matter and burn the guy once Hinata was safely out of the way. All four Kumo shinobi were dead within seconds, and I simply turned the figures into sculptures, squish them, and returned the clay into my pouch.

We resume our hiding spot to watch the boys continue their date. They didn't seem aware of what just happened, and we had to contain our squeals when Kimimaro leaned in and kissed Neji on the cheek. Turns out they both liked the feeling, so Neji returned the gesture, and then they shared a quick peck on the lips.

My voice was little more than a squealing mumble, "Oh Kami these two are adorable, I cannot wait for when you and Naruto have your first date Hinata, un."

Hinata looks at me, obviously only half hearing me, "Wha… what?"

I chuckle, "Nothing, nothing."

 _That evening_

I met Kimimaro at his and Naruto's apartment as he returned to Konoha, "How was your date?" He remained quiet for a moment, and for a second I thought he would be mad. But color me surprised when he hugged me.

"Thank you for keeping those shinobi away… Neji watched the fight… Thank you… for being there for us."

I return the hug, holding my brother close, "That's what big brothers are for. Don't worry, I spoke with Hiashi ahead of time, he approves, un." Not like he had any reason to argue, Neji was under his custody, but he was a branch member and so it was not vital for him to marry a woman.

Meanwhile at the Hyuga estate, Hinata is receiving just as much love from her favorite cousin.

* * *

 **I wanted to finish the arc in one chapter… but things never go my way, also I really did not want to make a 10k+ chapter again, no thank you. So next chapter will contain the actual fighting, and oooooooh anyone paying attention to the stuff Orochimaru was saying? I wonder just how much he knows and how he knows everything.**

 **The side-story was a combination of me wanting to make sure Neji and Kimimaro's relationship was permanently set in stone, and Ringo1327 mentioning Yugioh, so the show makes a nice little cameo in this one.**

* Slifer the Sky Dragon is not his original name. Osiris is the original name of the card and since I prefer the Japanese version of the anime, I'm going with that. Apparently Slifer is the name of an employee during the anime's dubbing and they chose to give the red dragon that name. which is honestly a really stupid thing on 4Kids part. They gave a dragon that is suppose to represent a culture that existed 3000 years ago, the name of a dude born in the 1950s. If you can't tell, I am not a happy camper.

* Any Yugioh abridged series fans out there? :)

 **Next chapter will have everyone fighting Orochimaru and the rest… I dunno. Like I said, I'm kinda lost on what to do with this arc since it's short and I had it split into two chapters. I'll talk with my beta on the subject.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys next week!**

 **Bye!**


	36. Bridge

**This chapter finishes up the Tenchi Bridge Reconnaissance Mission arc and due to how it ends, the latter half is a side story that I have been waiting to make for a few weeks now. So the main story progression is on the shorter side. I would have put the Twelve Guardian Shinobi arc (aka the Sora arc) in here but I really do not like the idea of combining arcs in one chapter.**

 **Thank you so much for the fave, follows and reviews! It's always a blast reading what you guys have to say. Not to mention it's fun seeing how many abridge fans there are.**

 **Ringo1327: You're welcome! Thank you so much for the idea, I'm glad that you like the adding of the Egyptian Gods.**

 **IsraAl'Attia-Theron: I'm a huge fan of the abridged series and it just keeps getting better, cannot wait for him to do season 5 and watch everyone not take Bakura seriously even though everyone keeps dying. XD Madara will get some screen time soon… very soon actually. You'll see.**

 **crazby: Yay! Unleash the inner Jiraiya young padawan! Glad you liked the KimiNeji scene. Thank you for pointing out that typo, I fixed it up almost as soon as I read your review!**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: 4kids fucked up a lot of really good shows and changed them up as well, even as a kid I knew Egypt was around 3000 years ago, not 5000. I think they changed it so Yugioh seemed more futuristic. Also that is a fine wrench you had, be a shame if it got dirty from the busted kneecaps. :P**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Glad you liked the chapter! Yugioh is honestly better if you stick with the Japanese subtitles (which are fansubbed, no official translations sadly) or the manga which is dark as hell and I love it. Sasori as a bear would be scary, considering it had button eyes, it had no expressions besides the casual tilt of the head… reminds me of Michael Myers from the original Halloween when he was under the bed sheet.**

 **CatchingRainbows: Glad you like the pairing hun!**

 **wyattharto8: Considering I update every weekend it does make sense. You're mind is use to the pattern. :3**

 **VenaHope: Teddy Sasori is nightmare fuel to me and now Deidara is stuck with a ripped up bear that he has to dispose of. You'll have to see this chapter to know what happens to them!**

 **Guest: Continuing!**

 **Tawnypelt37: I'm still surprised there are almost no fics that even test this ship out, I mean they were in the same arc and people have been shipped for lesser reasons.**

 **MelonLordOfMelons:Eeeeeeeyyyyyy! Welcome back hun! Good luck reading all of your fics, I know this one that updates at least once a week but it's like 3-6 updates in one go so it's nuts. Also I was reading your last paragraph in that beat even before I realized it was using Duke's theme song. XD**

 **Anonymo: Um… Up until the Sakura vs Ino fight she's been portrayed as a brat, and so Deidara is reflecting that distaste for her attitude by not acknowledging her. Not to mention, you do realize in this fic Sakura gave up on Sasuke long before they became genin, right? Ino is put in a better light now that she's matured, but her treatment in those chapters reflects her bratty personality and Dei's lack of patience for those kinds of kids. So I'm not really getting the whole 'no apparent reason" bit. People see characters differently, and my reasoning is that when watching Naruto for the first time I found Ino obnoxious, rude and selfish and I only liked her in the later half of the series.**

 **Badr408: Sadly Deidara does not know about that. As I mentioned before, he knows very little about the Boruto series and I'm also not going to be writing out the Boruto series, just some epilogue chapters and that's it. So something like that would have to be up to the imagination. Guess it doesn't help that I wasn't interested in anything Boruto related during that time. ^^"**

 **Warning: Swearing, violence, emotional moments, yaoi pairings, not as many needed warnings for this one like normal.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own a ton of the cards! It's a nice collection of mine! :D**

* * *

 **3rd person POV**

The moment it registered in Yamato's head that Naruto was at 3 tails already, he quickly jumped to using woodstyle. Orochimaru leaped to be in the way, but he was caught off guard when Sakura appeared out of nowhere and socked him in the jaw. Her rage mixed with the time training under Tsunade combined at that exact moment to keep this snake away from her precious teammate and close friend.

'She's like Tsunade!' Orochimaru flew backwards into several rows of trees, many of them shattering on impact just from the power of the pinkette's punch. He could feel his organs rupturing within him as the girl's chakra lingered, 'To think, a clanless kunoichi with no special talent as a child could match the strength of Tsunade at such a young age!'

Sakura leaped after the sanin, fire in her eyes as she dived towards him, "Don't you DARE go near Naruto, you freak! I'll kill you myself before I let that happen! CHAAA!" Her chakra infused fist slammed into his stomach, creating a crater under them.

"Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto quickly rushed to Orochimaru's aid while Sai remained on his spot, dumbfounded as to what to do. Noticing Yamato was struggling with Naruto, he drew several ink birds to help distract the now 4 tailed blond. It worked… for a moment, but then Naruto became irritated and split open his mouth, bijuu bomb particles floated around the air. Yamato's heart nearly stopped when he realized what the Kyuubi was aiming for.

"Sai! Get Sakura! He's aiming for Orochimaru!" Yamato had wood pillars wrap around Naruto, hoping to make him miss his target. But despite the increase in mass, Naruto was like a wet sponge that refused to remain in the hands of its owner, "Damnit Naruto… I know you are in there somewhere! Don't you realize who you are going to hit if you use that attack?!"

Over to Sakura's location, Orochimaru senses the bijuu bomb being made, "Well… a complete disregard for his teammate's life. The Kyuubi really is consuming him with hatred." He chuckles as he kicked the girl away summoned his Triple Rashōmon to block the attack. Sakura was paralyzed on the spot as the Kyuubi's overwhelming chakra was slowly suffocating her even from this far of a distance. It wouldn't make that much of a difference either way, she's strong but not fast, at least not fast enough to dodge an attack from the Kyuubi.

Whatever consciousness Naruto had left sensed what he would hit, 'Stop, don't attack! Sakura-chan is there! Please… I don't want to hurt her! PLEASE STOP!' But it was too late, Sai couldn't make it time to grab Sakura out of the way. The bijuu bomb shot out in a laser like fashion.

The only thing that kept Sakura alive was a blur of black grabbing her and getting out of harm's way. The figure held her protectively as they raced up a tree as the land was completely destroyed by that single blast.

Sai stops his ink bird to stare at the figure holding Sakura on the top of a tree with a sigh of relief, "You never obey orders do you, Sasuke?"

Sakura looks up at Sasuke in shock, "Eh? Sasuke-kun? But I thought-" She was quickly cut off by her teammate's incoming scold.

"I'm going to be telling Deidara that you had put yourself in harms way to fight Orochimaru, Sakura." The Uchiha wasn't looking at her. But rather the subject of the fight, who was recovering from the bijuu bomb by slowly climbing out of his skin as his old body was beginning to reject him, "If I didn't show up when I did, you would have died." All emotions were void in those red sharingan, all except for rage.

Orochimaru was amused at the expression on Sasuke's face as he leaped off the tree and sat his comrade back on her feet, "Well, so you did show up Sasuke-kun. How marvelous."

"You are keen on making sure I join you, make myself your next vessal….did it never occured to you that ensuring my teammate's death would only make me want to kill you?" Sasuke's body was relaxed, but in his left hand was chidori, his right hand was gently moving Sakura out of his way.

Orochimaru chuckled, "It would sever your ties with Konoha faster. You should have been mine 3 years ago." The snake crossed his arms, obviously not afraid of the annoying chirps coming from Sasuke's hand, "Do you really think that a jutsu that weak will kill me? Why don't you try it out then, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke felt his eye twitch, "I belong to no one. Especially not you." Sensing Kabuto was nearby, Sasuke slammed his hand onto the ground causing a giant cloud of dust to cover them.

Sai watched the scene with keen interest, only to jolt when two new weights land on his bird, "Sorry that I didn't make it in time Sakura-san…" He bowed his head in apology towards the duo.

Sakura smiles and sits down, Sasuke was steadying himself by using Sakura's head as a form of balance, "Sasuke-kun made it in time, so all is forgiven… but you really need to work on your speed. I've never seen someone that flies be that slow." The girl unintentionally jabs at Sai's ego.

"You're spoiled by Deidara's ability to fly and run from Kirigakure and back in a single afternoon." Sasuke notices Sai's bewildered expression, "You'll see later. Now, let's go back to Yamato and Naruto. I need to calm the Kyuubi."

After a moment's hesitation, Sai brought the two back to a struggling Yamato and a roaring Naruto. Sasuke smoothly leaped off the bird, and locked eyes with the 4 tailed Naruto, entering the seal through a genjutsu.

" **You Uchiha can never learn to mind your own business…** " Kurama starred in frustration as Sasuke walks around Naruto's mind. Naruto was enveloped in a bubble mass of red chakra that took the shape of the Kyuubi. Despite the deformed look due to the bubbles, all Sasuke could see was tears rolling down his friend's eyes, thinking that he had killed Sakura.

"You should learn to not mess with my best friend." Gripping the bubbled nose, Sasuke mercilessly rips the chakra off the blond, catching him before he could face plant into the dimly lit water, "Just sleep Naruto… You didn't hit Sakura." Naruto at an instant relaxed and allowed darkness to consume his consciousness.

" **Heh… Just like Madara, always taking control… I cannot wait to rip you to shred, mortal.** "

Sasuke didn't even flinch, instead he dared to stare at Kurama down through the cage, "Do not compare me to the relics of the past. I will surpass Madara and bring in a new generation stronger than the last. There will be no need for the bijuu by the time I am finished leaving my mark on the world." Sasuke looks down at his unconscious friend, a faint smile tracing his face, "And this dobe will help me in that goal."

Sasuke broke the connection with Naruto to watch Sakura heal his burnt skin. The fox's chakra tore at his skin like savage piranhas, but there was no blood. His pigment returned to normal after some time, but he remained unconscious.

"Sasuke-kun… Orochimaru… he said something that set Naruto off…" Sasuke looked at Sakura in interest, "He said that in another time… Deidara-sensei was our enemy… but he also died."

 **Deidara's POV**

I was expecting to be the one to yell at Sasuke for going into danger, but instead I was the one being yelled at. Sakura and Sai had went to go home once the team returned, Yamato went to report to Tsunade. The boys… well...

"What did Orochimaru meant by you being our enemy, dattebayo?! And you dying?! Please tell us what's going on, I don't want you to die, dattebayo!" Naruto's eyes were wide and full of pleas as he was yelling in my face.

My brain was momentarily working at only half speed, 'How did he know? Orochimaru wasn't someone from my world, I know that for a fact… the only way he could know is if he remembered the original timeli- The summoning sages…' I knew the toad sage most likely knows about me, Jiraiya mentioned it during Hiruzen's funeral. It completely slipped my mind that the snakes would know about it too.

"Of course I'm not going to die, I use my head to make sure that doesn't happen. You have to trust me on this Naruto, it's best you don't know what I do, un."

"Then how do you know so much?" Sasuke crosses his arms, despite Itachi giving him a warning glance, "You know things others shouldn't, like keeping me away from Orochimaru. How is that?"

"Like I said, it's best neither of you know right now. You just have to trust me on this, un." I slowly began to fidget, I understand the two were just concerned for my well-being, but I really hope they drop the subject soon.

Apparently that did the opposite as Sasuke got directly into my face, "You're the one telling us we need to get stronger, but you are not telling us for what! I'm not going to stand on the sidelines and have my ignorance lead to you winding up dead somewhere!"

Naruto decided to join in once he remembered something, "Also, who did you kill? Sai was saying you killed someone. Why did you kill them, dattebayo?"

I bite my lower lip as pressure began to fill in my head, I haven't had this feeling in a long time. The feeling of stress and emotional strain as those that I care about interrogate me. Without much thought I spring from my seat, bolt to mine and Itachi's room and slammed the door shut. Naruto tried opening the door but I block it with my body as my head felt as though something was slowly constricting it.

'I can't tell them... I just can't…' It's one thing to tell Itachi, or Tsunade, or even Kakashi… but the boys… They would rely on my knowledge for everything. Not to mention, how would Sasuke react knowing that in another timeline, this body blows itself up to try and kill him? I don't know what would anger him more, me dying, or the fact that the original Deidara tried to kill him. It would get worse once they learn that I know them through a manga.

I could only allow a single thought to pass through me as I bury my face into my knees, 'I want them to know the truth… but not yet…'

 _Back in the living room with everyone else_

 **3rd person POV**

"Deidara has a special ability that gives him knowledge beyond our comprehension. That is all you two need to know." Itachi rubs his forehead as he explained/scold the situation to the boys, "He is under constant pressure to use what he knows to make things better, you two interrogating him is making it worse."

"Then why doesn't he just tell us what he knows so we can help?" Sasuke crosses his arms defensively as his brother defended Deidara, "You obviously know."

"I do Sasuke, but understand that… when someone has knowledge, people abuse it… Deidara is burdened with enough to make him a target to both friends and foes for information. He wants to influence others without outright saying what will happen. He doesn't want to play God with others."

Naruto eyes the closed door in thought, "He's… been doing that since we were kids… always looking out for us. While he has been forced to live with all that… what he may have done to keep us safe..." He inhales heavily, head bowed low, "We'll drop the subject until he is ready to tell us the whole truth, dattebayo."

Both Uchihas were shocked. Normally, Naruto would be up in arms with questions, instead they are staring at a boy that was more somber. Guilt seemed to eat into those blue eyes of his.

In turn, Sasuke huffed in defeat, "Naruto is right. I didn't expect Deidara to run away from the situation like that. Who else knows?"

Itachi shakes his head, "Even I'm unsure of that. I know he is open with his knowledge to those he trust will not force him to give up the information." He knows that his husband refuses to tell anyone that falls under his "chibi" category, because he sees them as someone to protect.

"I'm going to paint. Dobe, I'll meet you for ramen tonight." Sasuke slips on his shoes and heads off to his art house.

Naruto scratches his cheek in thought, "Give Deidara-nii a hug from me please." He mimics Sasuke's actions and heads out to ponder in his own thoughts.

After a few moments, Itachi relaxes his shoulders and heads to the kitchen. Within minutes he had two steaming cups of hot cocoa prepared and resting on the coffee table in the living room and a warm fluffy blanket waiting for its soon-to-be occupants. Despite summer being just around the corner, the Land of Fire was having a rare chilly day. Chilly enough to justify Itachi to wear a long sleeve shirt for once.

Padding across the wooden floor, Itachi knocks on his bedroom door, "Dei… the boys are gone. I have hot chocolate and a blanket prepared… please come out."

There was the sound of clothes shuffling and a small grunt, the same kind Deidara always makes when he gets up. One blink later and there is a mess of blond hair obscuring his vision and a face pressed into his shoulder.

"I couldn't tell them… I'm a coward… I couldn't tell my brothers the truth..."

Itachi could only smile at the blond's self-implemented guilt. Wrapping an arm around the young man's shoulder, he guides Deidara to the couch, wraps the blanket around them both, and hands him the hot chocolate.

"No… No you're not. You're protecting them from a burden you do not want on their shoulder… I know how it feels." Finishing his sentence with a sip of his drink and adjusting his arm for optimum snuggle position, "Give it time Deidara."

"Orochimaru knows that the timeline has reset... I just know he does…" Deidara takes a large gulp of his drink… he can never just sit and enjoy liquids, always has to guzzle it down right away.

"What was he like again afterwards? You watched at least those scenes right?" Itachi undoes Deidara's ponytail to help relieve tension to the blond's head.

"He becomes one of the most hilarious comical reliefs to ever exist in a canon storyline, un." Well then… Itachi was failing to picture Orochimaru being anything but serious and an overall creep, "But now he's going to be hellbent on either killing me, or finding out what I know."

Itachi arches his neck at an awkward angle, "Would you cooperate with him?"

Deidara shrugs, "If he tries to not kill me and stops being a stalkerish, yandere-schoolgirl with a senpai fetish… and also create Mizuki."

Something is telling Itachi that this might not happen for a long time.

* * *

 **Side story # 11 ? ? ?** ( **Yeah no, I ain't even gonna hint what is about to happen here. Takes place while Team 7 are heading to the Tenchi bridge** )

 **Deidara's POV**

I calmly sip my tea on the porch admiring my handywork. I had gotten bored at some point and decides to fix the backyard of the house. It reminds me a lot of when Sasuke and Itachi were growing up, but I added my own little touches, like flowers. The sound of something shooting from the ground caught my attention.

To my left, Madara's coffin appeared and the Uchiha calmly strood out and sat next to me. He stared at me with a contemplative gaze, "What have I missed due to you not summoning me for a few weeks?" This is going to be good.

I let out an awkward laugh, "Oh, the usual. The boys are back in Konoha, we saved another nation's Kage, Itachi and I are expecting children, un." I had to smirk when Madara proceed to choke on air for a moment. Catching the supposed strongest shinobi in history off-guard was rather satisfying.

Instantly, the Uchiha was staring intently on my stomach and other physical features, here we go again, "Not me Madara-sama! My friend Anko is surrogating!" Jesus, everytime I tell someone Itachi and I are expecting kids their eyes instantly lock onto my stomach! Do I look like I have a watermelon under my shirt?! I have fucking abs for crying out loud!

"Children… you two are rebuilding the clan at such a young age…" Madara rests his face in his hand, suddenly seeming older, "I have so much I regret, allowing the clan to produce hatred for the village is one of them."

I pat his back in sympathy, "It's because of Zetsu's influence… and Danzo as well, had the Uchiha been given a chance to grow as a part of the village, things would have been different." I chose to exclude other factors like Tobirama to keep things smooth, Madara still doesn't know I have those two under my edo tensei.

Madara goes quiet, staring me down as his brain worked on overdrive. Suddenly, he stands up and holds out his hand to me, "I have a request. It involves using those sharingan that I know you still have hidden in your closet."

"Eh?"

 _A few hours later_

"For the 15th time, are you sure you want me to do this, Madara-sama? This goes against our deal three years ago, un." I cautiously prepare the upcoming jutsu as Madara placed strands of hair on a scroll.

"I do not want that snake to discover his corpse and defile his grave…I also wish to speak with him personally… there is a lot I need to get off my chest." Madara crosses his arms as he looked at the unconscious man surrounded by symbols. I don't know who he is, Madara brought him.

I sigh, "Alright… but you're putting the eyes in his sockets. Edo Tensei!" I clap my hands together and slam them down onto the scroll, dust and other particles surround the man and take form of the someone long dead, "Welcome to the land of the living… Izuna-san."

Izuna gracefully pushed himself to his feet… well, as graceful as a man with no eyes could, "Where am I?" He tried sounding threatening, but considering Madara is like a father to me, ponytail Duckie here doesn't spook me. He really just looks like a mature Sasuke.

"I brought you back using a forbidden reanimation technique invented by the Nidaime Hokage of Konohagakure, Senju Tobirama, un." Izuna's shoulders hunch up like a cat about to strike, "Relax, the idiot is dead. Konoha is currently under the control of Hashirama's granddaughter, Tsunade."

"So… the Senju clan is still alive… Nii-san didn't make peace with them, did he?"

"I did. It was the only way to ensure the clan's survival at the time." Madara takes two sharingan from the jar and approaches his brother, "Hold still. I need to put these sharingan in your sockets."

I had to look away to make sure I didn't vomit. This world trades eyes like grade schoolers trade pokemon cards. Ugh… there's a squish noise too. How can people do this and not feel sick?

"You can look Deidara." I take a peek to see Izuna gaping at his older brother in shock, "You'll catch flies with your mouth hanging open, Izuna."

Izuna gives me an accusing glare, honey, you still look like an angry Sasuke… albeit more attractive, "You used that Senju's jutsu on Nii-san you bastard?!"

I hold my hands up in surrender, "In my defence, I was trying to reanimate you but Madara-sama appeared instead because his hair was in your grave. Nice to meet you Izuna-san. My name is Uchiha Deidara, un."

"Uchiha?" This doesn't stop the angry adult from storming over towards me and lifting me in the air by my throat. GREAT! More Uchiha throat grabbing! "You dare give yourself the clan's name?" I forgot this guy was both loyal to the clan, but was also caught in the cycle of hatred. Whoops.

Madara quickly comes to my rescue, removing me from his brother's grip, "He married into the clan, which is almost extinct save for three men. Yes Izuna, one of them is married to Deidara, please calm down." Izuna was fuming at this point. I think he was more mad at the fact that the clan was nearly gone than me having the name, "Let's discuss this like old times. Deidara, if you would make us a bird."

Something tells me this will not be pretty.

 _Ten minutes later_

"You stupid Nii-san!"

I was right.

After taking the brothers outside of Konoha, things escalated quickly. First they just used taijutsu… then sharingan… then there was yelling… and shouting… and now the two of them are hitting each other with everything they have and the edo tensei brings them back to normal- wait, when did Izuna get his mangekyou?

"You're the one consumed by hatred!"

"And you're the one that agreed to the Senju's plans! The Uchiha clan is nearly dead, and you left the village and them in the hands of Tobirama! The man who killed me!"

"You think I wanted this?! I wanted peace so no child had to die on the battlefield like our deceased brothers! But instead I was being used as a tool for some alien's son…"

Izuna snorts, activated his own susano-o. Oh, it's dark blue*, "Right, peace. There can never be peace as long as the Senju still breath!" I felt bad for Izuna, the poor guy is so devoted to his clan, his brother, that he cannot see past his own hatred.

They'll start to sound like an old married couple if the bickering continues. I wanted to interfere… but this is something Madara needs to handle. His brother needs to see things without the influence of the curse. Though, it is taking a while, and these two cannot run out of chakra or die for that matter… great… maybe this was a bad idea.

"Dei… why is Sasuke fighting Madara?" I jump a foot in the air when Itachi appeared out of nowhere on my bird, "And when did he get blue chakra?"

I sweat drop, "Itachi, that's Uchiha Izuna… Madara-sama's little brother. He's older than both of us, un." Itachi squints slightly until he notices Izuna having a ponytail. My heart clenched at that squint, his eyesight is getting worse.

"You reanimated Izuna?" Itachi gives me a questioning look before sighing, "Promise me you will not touch Shisui or my parents graves."

I give my husband a loving smile, "I never had the intent in reanimated them… it would be a disrespect to both them and you, un." Itachi kisses the top of my head while the brothers down below were still going at each other, "I really should stop them, un."

"Allow me." Itachi activated his mangekyou then notices my panicked expression, "I haven't used my eyes in a few weeks, I'll be okay." That doesn't help my worries, your eyes just SQUINT!

Itachi jumps off the bird, as the two dark blue susano-o ready their strike, Itachi's bright orange armored susano-o grabbed both their arms like an angry father does his rowdy sons.

"Sorry, but you two were acting childish long enough." Itachi stared the brothers down, Madara calmly turned off his susano-o while Izuna glared at him, "My name is Uchiha Itachi, I am the one that killed the entire clan… to ensure the safety of Konoha. If your hatred should be channeled towards anyone, it should be me."

Oh hell no. I am not going to let Itachi deal with a pissy Izuna. I jump off the bird and approached the two flaming tengu giants with a sickly sweet tone that had an underline warning to it, "Itachi, sweetheart~ I would greatly appreciate it if you did not fight someone that has unlimited chakra, un."

Itachi nods in understanding and deactivates his sharingan and susano-o so I could hug his arm.

Izuna stood there, a loss for words on the situation at hand, "Nii-san…" He looks over at Madara, pleading for an explanation, something he could grasp onto in this era past his own.

"Izuna, things have changed. Deidara is married to Itachi, they are expecting their first child as well. Itachi's younger brother is training to become a powerful Uchiha, and the lands are more united than before. The cycle of hatred consumed the Uchiha clan, and that lead to its downfall, as it brought my own. Things are changing little brother." Madara patiently waited for Izuna to process his talk-no-jutsu.

Eventually, Izuna deactivated his own susano-o and relaxed his shoulders, "I will follow what you believe in Nii-san… even if it means helping someone not truly a part of this clan…" Yikes, it is gonna take awhile to win this guy's heart. Good thing I'm charismatic.

"You'll warm up to me eventually! I'm going to unsummon you two now, so rest up, un." Summoning their coffins, I deactivate the edo tensei so the brothers could think to themselves, "I like him."

Itachi eyes me with interest, "Oh?"

"Not once did he make fun of my speech impediment, un." This earned an eye roll from my husband.

* * *

 **Woohoo! Izuna is in this story now! I've always had the intention of adding him into the story, but was never sure when. If he seems a little pissy in this bit… well… You would too if you suddenly woke up after dying to your mortal enemy, and learning not only were you reanimated using that same guy's jutsu, but that your clan is almost dead and your precious sibling was also under the jutsu too. Oh, and the curse cycle of hatred, can't forget that tiny detail. I love Izuna and wanted to take a logical approach to his appearance.**

 **We also have Deidara's internal turmoils of keeping secrets from loved ones, there is no way he wants either boy to know about the truth simply because of how they would handle it. Sasuke would be enraged and Naruto would just break, there is no other way around it. Deidara does not see them as being ready to handle the truth so they will not learn it. Also, like me, Deidara does not handle pressure from questionings well if yelling is involved, I would suck keeping my mouth shut under interrogations, I have vomited before from the shear stress and the fact it's his precious little brothers adds to it.**

*I looked up what chakras mean depending on the color and decided to give Izuna dark blue like Madara. Not only is it because they are related, but from what I read, imbalance of that color is due to confusion and indecisiveness, which definitely reflects Izuna. Madara from what I can tell has balance of chakra due to being calm and being able to solve problems. I am in no way an expert on chakra, I am simply using a random ass chart I found on google that seemed to make the most sense to me. So please go easy on me if my facts are wrong. Also it is confirmed that Itachi's susano-o is indeed orange.

 **SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I will be posting another chapter alongside this one. The reason for why will be explained in that chapter's AN. Fair warning, if you like Sora from the Twelve Guardian Ninja arc for some strange reason, it contains Sora bashing because I hate this arc with a passion and it reflects in my writing. If you hate the arc as much as I do/just don't care, then you're in for a fun ride.**

 **As always reviews are loved and I will see you in the next chapter!**

 **Bye!**


	37. Sora

**Yep, two chapters in one day! Lord forbid I hate this arc, but I took some creative liberties with it. Most of the arc happens off-screen as Deidara avoids it like the plague. After my beta and I went through it, we added in some bits that made this a lot more enjoyable for me, because Sora nearly made me want to delete this chapter. So there are some fun moments in here along with key story elements near the end.**

 **I wanted to post this right away as I had finished it sooner than I thought, and I honestly didn't want it to sit in my documents for over a week knowing that I could be working on the Hidan and Kakuzu arc. I did enjoy writing some parts of this, but I see it as a necessary evil to the plot, all long fics have those chapters at some point.**

 **Little note: Deidara will refer to this as the "Sora arc" because he forgot what it was actually called and only associates the arc with Sora. This chapter is to reflect my lack brain memory of certain aspects of the anime-only side of the show.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this!**

" _Blah_ " - English

 **Warning: EXTREMELY CRUDE LANGUAGE, like holy shit is there a fuck ton of swearing near the beginning! Heavy Sora bashing, violence, sexy jutsu, Anko has bad cravings, deaths, all the fun stuff!**

 **Disclaimer: Sora's existence makes me glad that I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

A few days had passed since Team 7 returned, and now that Kakashi has recovered, he was working with Yamato to train Naruto in wind style. Oddly enough him, Sasuke, Sai and Sakura went to look at some grave robbings happening in the Fire Temple with Yamato.

Why does this seem so familiar? My notes don't mention anything about the Fire Temple except for Hidan and Kakuzu taking the monk guy, but I haven't heard anything from the Akatsuki since we rescued Gaara.

This continued to bother me for several more days as I waited for everyone to return. On the day they did return I was wearing my ANBU mask and my hair was in an ancient Greek bun with my bangs braided and pressed to the side of my head. Most people are unable to recognize me because of this.

Heading to Tsunade's office after spending Kami knows how many hours in the surveillance room, I couldn't help but notice Asuma standing in the hallway and… why is there a huge ass dent in the wall? I don't like this already… I'm also having an odd case of deja vu.

"Asuma-san?" Asuma jolted a little at my sudden appearance, so I partially remove my mask to show my face, "It's me. What's going on?"

Asuma takes a drag of his cigarette, much to the dismay of my nose, "Well you see-"

"Ah! Deidara-nii!" Asuma was cut short when Naruto tackles me into a hug, "So that's what you look like in an ANBU uniform! You look so cool, dattebayo!" I ruffle my brother's hair when I spot Sai and Sasuke in arm casts, Sakura was chatting with… oh fuck no.

Now, generally... I am willing to take chances with people in this world. Hell, Sakura is my beloved student and Sasuke is my precious brother-in-law. As long as they do not harm those precious to me, I can let bygones be bygones and tolerate their existence.

THIS was NOT one of those cases!

"Oh, Deidara-nii, this is Sora! He's-"

" _Son of Poseidon's dolphin shaped dick! WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HELL SPAWN OF A BRAT HERE?!"_ This goes on for some time as I verbally rage in English of some of the most crude, vulgar language my brain could produce.

I hate this arc, I hate this fucking kid. I endured this stupid arc as I slowly waited the agonizing weeks waiting for Hidan and Kakuzu's arc to be dubbed when I was in middle school. And now I'm reliving this and have to deal with his existence? FUCK. NO.

" _I'm fucking done! I am not going to tolerate this shit head because 'oh! He's special and everyone deserves a chance!'"_ That quote bit was done with a high pitched lecture tone before going back to yelling, " _I'D SOONER MAKE OUT WITH THE FUCKING THREE TAILS BEFORE I DEAL WITH HIM!"_ Without much warning, I turn on my heel and storm off, hair undone and floating in every direction like a pissed off porcupine.

 **3rd person POV**

Sora, Asuma, Sai, Tsunade and Yamato all stare at the spot where the raging ANBU once stood in confusion and shock at the outburst. Sasuke and Sakura were slowly translating chunks of the words in their head, both turning red at some of the more… ahem, vulgar stuff.

Naruto was half blushing, half taking notes. Living with Deidara most of his life made him almost fluent in English. Though he's curious to know who this Poseidon person was and why he had a male reproductive organ in the shape of Iruka-sensei. ( **AN:I added this in to humor my beta. Iruka means dolphin in Japanese. I didn't know this until she kindly informed me of the translation and it makes this whole language barrier thing absolutely fun** )

"What did he say?" Sora folds his arms in annoyance, "It sounds like he was insulting me."

Sai was just as lost, "Technically, whenever someone speaks in tongue it always sounds like an insult." Though unlike Sora, he caught on pretty quickly who the rage was directed at.

Naruto gives Sora a sympathetic look, "Trust me… you're better off not knowing what he said, dattebayo. Usually when Deidara-nii yells in his other tongue, it's things he doesn't want people to understand."

The monk scoffed, "So… he hates me like everyone else does…" The last bit was more of a mumble than anything. Even people that were absolute strangers to him were hating him!

Sakura looks over at Sora and shakes her head, "It's not that he hates you… Deidara-sensei… okay he hates most people and I think seeing Sai and Sasuke-kun injured set him off." She tried reasoning, but in reality, the original members of Team 7 all thought the same thing.

'No… Deidara just hates his guts.'

Sai pats Sora on the shoulder with his uninjured hand, "I'll advise you to not go near him. His rage is unmatched by anyone I have ever met. Just look at Sakura, she was his student and her temper is that of a boar. His temper is worse." This gave him a well aimed punch to the stomach.

Yamato raises his hands to his chest in a "settle down please" motion, "Um… Sakura, let's not injure Sai anymore than he already is. Okay?" The poor man smiled pathetically as Sasuke jumped in to divert her rage.

Sora stared at this group with a mixture of annoyance and jealousy, 'They act like idiots… but they actually care for each other…'

 _The next few days_

 **Deidara's POV**

I avoided Sora like the plague fearing I would kill him by accident. He's been acting like a little shit ever since he got here, he even called Itachi an old man because of his lines. Itachi didn't mind, but it sure pissed off Sasuke, not to mention me.

I honestly had blocked the majority of this arc from my memory. All I could remember was a few scenes of Sora, the main bad guy is his dad and there's some chick who gets turned on every time she's around Naruto and keeps wanting to kiss him. My best bet for this arc is to just let it happen and be far, far away from Konoha. The sooner this is over, the sooner I can breath down Asuma's neck like a koala with abandonment issues.

Which is exactly why I took Anko to Kirigakure for a double baby shower! Yeah, a double baby shower. Mei's pregnant as well! Though she's only a few weeks along and not showing, we decided to hold a little party. I also caught Haku spending time with a very cute, humble civilian girl that seemed to have a love for making medicine. ( **AN: I will make a side story of the baby shower sometime before the babies are born** )

Besides those events, not much was going on. I wanted to keep Anko safely away from the drama in order to keep the babies safe. But hey, it kept us out of Konoha for a while!

Though, it begs the question… why does Konoha still looks like it's stuck in the Sora arc? The last few episodes to be specific.

"Anko, stay on this bird and do not get off it until I land it, un." I give my best friend a quick hug then leap off the bird when I spot a blotch of orange and yellow, "Naruto! What the hell is going on, un?" I take note of the redheaded woman eyeing me like I was a hunk of meat. Lady, I'm married and my husband is way sexier than you, and he dresses like a bloody prude.

"Sora's gone nuts! But this lady has been keeping me away from him, I have to stop him, dattebayo!" Naruto was panting heavily from fighting, "She swaps bodies and steals life forces by kissing, that's her jutsu. It allows her to change her nature element. I think everyone else is dealing with the reanimation army."

I sigh, I did not want to deal with this but I guess there's no choice, "I got her honey. Go help your friend, use your seals, un." I shoo him away, and when the woman tried to chase Naruto I throw a kunai aiming for her hair, "I'm your opponent now, un."

At first, she looked like she was ready to burst into some kind of feminist rant about her hair, but then she noticed… I don't really know what she noticed. Her eyes just… kinda lit up in interest? My trench coat reached halfway down my shins, and while it is form fitting at the top, I still look feminine. Must be my eye, Itachi always mentions that it's a nice color.

"My… a real man has graced me with his presence. The name is Fuka, and what is yours?" Shivers ran down my spine as she flipped her hair with a wink, trying to be seductive, frankly I like to think I can do a better job. At least as a woman I sound like Jessica Rabbit, and not a Japanese woman with a head cold. Now to think about it, I remember Fuka having a similar voice in the dub.

"Deidara. And don't try to use those tricks on me, it won't work, un." I quickly adjust my coat collar due to being uncomfortable in her presence. Her outfit was just… wrong.

'Lady… please wear a better shirt, you're barely inside this one, and would it kill you to wear a bloody bra? Having your shirt designed in a way where you're one wrong turn from falling out sideways is not sexy or seductive, you just look like a harlot. Tsunade can get away with it because her shirt is pretty much just a kimono bra and Mei at least only shows the top part of- I'm internally nagging a fully grown woman…' Old habits never die.

"I can already see you squirming. Tell me, have you ever kissed a real woman before?" She smirks as I feel my face twist in confusion, "Seems not, then allow me to teach you. Do you prefer soft or French?" The fact French is in this world's vocabulary is still baffling to me.

Deciding to humor her, I place a finger to my lips and tilt my head slightly with a smirk, "Whatever brings the most passion is what I prefer. Though you are not the most attractive woman I have met, so there would not be any pleasure in my lips greeting yours. I like the all natural type, un." I mean, Itachi does almost nothing with his appearance. He washes his face, takes baths, and makes sure he wears clean clothes and yet he is still drop dead gorgeous.

Fuka bristles with annoyance, "How dare you mock me!" She proceeds to use lightning jutsu, obviously trying to get me to go near her based on the strikes. It was sadly working as I needed to avoid the attacks to keep my clay useable.

"I am not interested in yo-" I was cut off when she grabbed my face.

"Kiss of death…" Her lips were about to connect to mine, until I blocked it with the back of my hand, causing me to kiss my palm. Frankly, I'd rather kiss myself then this chick, "What the?!"

"I'm a married man." I shove her away then proceed to throw C1s at her to gain some distance. The moment she realized that I wasn't going to comply willingly… she seem to have taken that as a challenge.

"Explosion release? In Konoha?" Man this woman must have lived under a rock, "How wonderful, I haven't had that chakra nature in some time… well, Deidara… I'm certain your wife wouldn't mind if you tried other women." She smirked, only to dodge in panic when a stream of fire barely missed her face.

"I believe his wife would mind that actually." Itachi stood next to me, mildly annoyed that there was a woman flirting with me.

I had to snort when Itachi referred to himself as the wife, usually I'm the one that does that, "Considering the wife is me. Yes, Deidara, I know you're laughing, go ahead." That set me off in a flurry of laughter, he was straight faced the entire time he was saying all that!

Obviously, Fuka was pissed, but then like every other woman in this damn world, she noticed Itachi, "Oh my… another man. A real man it seems." What am I? Chopped liver? Also, back off bitch, he's off the market.

My eye twitches, "Fuka-san, that is not how you seduce a married man... transform." Using the sexy jutsu I watch as Fuka openly gawk at my appearance as I stretched before relaxing my body, "This is how you seduce men… rather effective if you… push things in the right direction~." ( **AN: Same sexy jutsu appearance, kimono and all** )

Itachi's spine straightens out as he tried his hardest to not stare at the female version of me, makes things a little difficult when I gracefully move behind him, wrapping my arm around his stomach. My chest presses against his back as my other hand trails up to his throat and to his jawline, moving his head so I can make room to rest my chin on his shoulder, making him gulp. A smug smirk traced my gently painted lips as Fuka became more and more enraged. To add more salt to the wound I give Itachi a light peck on the neck, nothing to mark… except for the lipstick, "So please… back off… as you can see, you're only second rate to someone like me… and I'm a man~."

Fuka opened her mouth to shout out something, but she was cut off when Sasuke appeared out of nowhere and used chidori to pretty much fry her hair.

"You're annoying." We all watched as Fuka screamed in agony as her soul was burning up, her body morphing into that of a hideous demon before fading away, leaving only her hair behind, "Gross… and you almost kissed this thing, Deidara."

"Don't remind me." I grumble to myself as I have Anko land in the area.

I help Anko off the bird, careful to have her not step on my kimono considering it's barely on me in the first place. She looks at me up and down before whistling in approval, "Damn, ever tried seducing your Uchiha in that form?"

I nod, gently brushing loose strands of hair from my face with a slow blink, "Yes, and the results usually end in that~." I gently point at Itachi, who remained stiff as a board as Sasuke poked at him, "He doesn't respond well to me having… well… he's not use to this body~."

Anko smirks, "Hard to believe he's so innocent minded. But that makes the teasing more fun!" She then gagged, "Sorry, I think it was a bad idea to have that curry dipped dango covered in natto… ugh…"

THAT knocked Itachi out of his stupor, "Wait… who ate dango how?" Wow, that was the most un-Itachi thing to ever escape his mouth… nice job Anko.

 _With Naruto_

 **3rd person POV**

'What am I going to do? He has three tails already…" Naruto slumped his shoulders in annoyance as Sora stared him down, chakra tails swishing threatenly, "... Wait, seals!"

Dodging another attack from Sora, Naruto pulls out one of his many scrolls that he keeps on his person and opens it up. This particular one was made using Uzushiogakure techniques, and Jiraiya's own special seal he used on Naruto when he broke into 4 tails one time. Waiting for the right moment, Naruto slams the seal on Sora's chest, leaping away as he roared in pain from the chakra change.

"Come on… please work!" The chakra was slowly beginning to reject Sora's body, but as the seal worked its magic, the chakra returned back into the monk's body and black curved marks formed around his exposed skin like vines of ivy before fading away, "Phew…"

Sora fell to the ground unconscious, but before his face could greet the cold ground, Naruto catches him in his arms, "Easy there, buddy. You're going to be okay."

Sakura leaped over to see Naruto and an unconscious Sora, "Here, let me tend to him." Her hands glowed green with chakra as she healed his wounds sustained by attacks, "Asuma-sensei fought and killed Sora's father. The army of reanimated corpses are also gone."

Naruto sighs in relief, "Good. No one got hurt besides the attackers?"

Sakura nods, trying to concentrate on Sora, "Some injured, but no casualties."

 _Couple of days later_

 **Deidara's POV**

Things slowly began to settle in the village as Sora made a full recovery and came to the decision that he would travel around the world instead of becoming a monk, he wanted to experience what the world had for him. Something seemed off about this though. Like I was forgetting a key detail about this whole arc that in any other situation, I would be sticking my nose into to change. Something in my gut wanted to keep Sora in the village, but he was fine. He vanishes for the remainder of the plot, so it's not like anything important was going to happen… right?

"Don't forget to show up every once in a while, I need to make sure that seal stays on you, dattebayo!" Naruto gives Sora a thumbs up at the gate. Kurama's chakra remained in his body and is slowly alcimating to his body thanks to Naruto's seals. Yeah… Something was definitely off.

"Yeah yeah, and the next time we meet I'm gonna kick your ass with any new moves I develop while traveling." While still cocky, Sora gave Naruto a friendly grin before hopping in a 180° fashion and running off, fading away into the distance.

Okay, seriously, why is my gut telling me something bad is going to happen?

 **3rd person POV**

Sora was heading to the Land of Lightning first to visit the temple there. While the Five Great Nations were always on rocky terms with each other, all of the temples welcome each other's monks to visit, under the condition that they do not enter certain areas. But while he was walking down a dirt road, two figures stood in his way.

"So this is the monk that Zetsu told us about. Dull grey hair and the look of a brat, and the kyuubi's chakra residing inside him."

"Who are you two?" Sora got into a defensive stance, pulling out his three bladed claws and slowly pouring chakra into them, "Out of my way, I'd rather not have to kill you two if you start a fight."

The white haired individual points at the teenage monk in annoyance, "Oi, I hate it when people make pointless threats like that! It really fucking pisses me off when people get their heads too big on the subject." He then turns to look at his green eyed partner, "Kakuzu, this shit isn't an actual monk yet, right?"

"He has hair, so the correct answer would be no, he's not one. But do not kill him, leader wants him alive." Kakuzu took to the sidelines as Hidan pulls out his scythe.

"You know my religion demands blood! Just stop me when you think he's gonna fucking die!" Hidan smirked with glee as he leaped into battle with Sora.

 **Deidara's POV**

"Sora was captured by the Akatsuki." Was the first thing that was reported to us three days later by Tsunade, "Some travelers witnessed two men in the Akatsuki robes carrying a teenage monk with grey-blue hair somewhere. They only just now had the courage to inform us as their village has done business with the Akatsuki before."

'I don't remember Sora being captured by the Akatsuki, that doesn't make sense, why would they go after a kid that doesn't even have- No… Naruto sealed Kurama's chakra within him.' My eyes widen as the memory of Naruto bragging about his seals returned to my head. I was so bothered by this arc that I had Madara help me remember every episode of it, and it was as boring as I remembered it.

In the anime, the kyuubi chakra rejected Sora's body and left him, fading into nothingness. By teaching Naruto sealing jutsus, he changed the courses of events and caused Sora to be captured.

The Akatsuki now had a portion of the kyuubi chakra within the gedo statue.

I eye my brother as his face was slowly being consumed by rage, unaware that he caused this to happen. He was more focused on the fact that even though the Akatsuki's numbers are shrinking, they are still capturing jinchuuriki. It's better that he doesn't know about the changes, frankly even I forgot about the whole thing, and it's never confirmed on what happens to him after the arc.

Naruto's body was slowly shaking, "Damn them..." I gently pull him into a hug, knowing that if left to stew in this rage he might as well hand himself over to Kurama. Tsunade gives me a questioning gaze but I shift my eye to indicate that I'll talk with her when everyone leaves.

"Naruto… go home please… I need to speak with Tsunade-sama… you need to calm down, un." I tighten the hug somewhat before letting him go, Sakura and Sasuke followed behind him to make sure he doesn't do anything rash.

"Deidara, what happened?" Tsunade straightened herself in her chair while I take a seat across from her, "I could tell by your body language that you didn't expect this to happen."

"You're right on that bit. Sora was suppose to live, not be captured by the Akatsuki, un." She motions for me to go on, "Sora was suppose to lose all of the Kyuubi's chakra, but Naruto sealed it within him, un." I cross my arms in annoyance at the thought of anything I could change, this was one I did not want to happen.

Sure I hate Sora, but I didn't want the kid to DIE, I was banking on never hearing from him again, "If he was captured by the Akatsuki, then it was Hidan and Kakuzu… meaning the Nibi was already in the Akatsuki's hands."

"The Nibi?"

"Yugito Nii, she's the jinchuuriki. Hidan and Kakuzu capture her then attack the Fire Temple, un." I blink when Tsunade sprang from her seat and storm off to the messenger hawks, "Oh… right… the temple."

I'm losing my edge. Everything's happening so far in between each other that I'm losing track of time.

* * *

 **Yep, I killed Sora and gave the Akatsuki some Kyuubi chakra. I regret nothing. I tried my best to make sure that while Deidara hates Sora with a burning passion, characters like Naruto do care about him, so I am not making the world OOC just to please myself.**

 **Now some of you might be wondering why I hate Sora… I just do. Even as a kid he reminded me too much of a bunch of self-entitled kids at my school and the fact that the arc dragged on for so long added more salt to the wound. I barely can remember this arc despite seeing it almost 3 times, the only thing I can remember are a few Naruto/Sai moments, Fuka and the time where Tsunade beats the shit out of him.**

 **Sorry if this chapter wasn't your cup of tea. ^^"**

 **Next chapter will have the Hidan and Kakuzu arc with Asuma and such. Hope you guys are excited for that! I promise when I do the Sanbi filler arc it will be better written, I actually love that arc (though Yukimaru is annoying in the dub) and have been looking forward to that one in particular.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week!**

 **Bye!**


	38. Blood

**Well… finally done with the Sora arc, now for Hidan and Kakuzu to get some screen time! I had to go through this several times to make sure I had enough dialogue, as my beta was not satisfied the first time around with the lack of character interactions… I went from 9 pages to 13 pages in a span of 2 hours. If only I could write essays that fast…**

 **Fair warning, I ranted at the bottom of this author's note to address a trend I'm noticing in reviews, and really hope that people will see it and understand where my frustration is coming from. Also under that rant I have an announcement to make regarding updates.**

 **Thank you guys for the fave, follows and reviews. We hit 500 followers guys! WOOHOO! Thank you so much for the support, I keep smiling everytime I see the story grow! Also… damn, lot of people hate Sora.**

 **crazby: Izuna as a doberman puppy sounds adorably cute and I wish I could see that actually happen. I fixed the bit on Sasuke being left handed (I forgot about it tbh so thank you!). I still question why make a character like Sora, and then have him conveniently lose his kyuubi chakra despite that should have happened YEARS ago.**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: I believe C4 would be able to destroy Hidan entirely, as it destroys on the cellular level. Also your laugh reminds me of Papyrus from Undertale lol.**

 **Asia1990: I can't see Yugito and Kakashi together so that won't happen (Also she's kinda… dead.) Glad my simile made you laugh. I have considered resurrecting the edo tensei, but that would most likely only happen with Madara as he seems to be the only one that knew how to do it. The hokages deserve to have their eternal peace and Izuna… meh, I can image he'd be fine with going to the afterlife. I'm not fully sure on what I will do with them, Deidara's idea was to just reanimate them so no one else could. School hasn't burnt me out yet, but it might. Kami I am so done with my nutrition class.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Oh hun, you don't have to do the Sora arc, I only did it because I said that I would do almost all of the arcs and didn't list this one. I also had plot reasons like him dying. Glad you liked the "seducing" scene, my beta and I thought that it would be accurate to their characters with Dei being a tease and Itachi not being use to women lol. XD**

 **VenaHope: Sora pops up after Naruto's team meets Sasuke for the first time in Shippuden, starts on episode 58. I got into Naruto in 2010 when the Pein invasion arc was new (and was my first actual episodes because I watched them with my friend), so almost 8 years now. I stayed loyal to the series until it ended, read the manga special about Sarada and promptly disowned the sequel faster than Naruto can scream out Sasuke's name. The anime and manga helped prevent me from getting depression, cope with a few other personal subjects, and allowed me to get into Japanese culture. I honestly would not be as big of a fan of Japanese culture had I got into any other anime, as what got me into the culture was the mythologies tied behind character's names and creations.**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Sasuke's susano-o is purple. Madara is good at showing concern without actually expression it, just stare at Deidara's stomach after nearly choking on oxygen lol. Honestly what killed me on liking Sora is that he had an entire temple taking care of him, and while some did loathe him because he accidentally destroyed the temple one time, he was an asshole to those that did care for him like Chiriku and Asuma. That's what killed it. He was so focused on avenging his father that he couldn't care about anyone until Naruto did his whole "Hey, we're the same!" song and dance.**

 **Guest: Glad you're liking it!**

 **Badr408: Not gonna say who I'm saving. :P But I will not be able to do that side story, it would give away the babies names and as I have stated on multiple occasions that Deidara knows nothing about Kawaki, so him getting depression on the name makes no sense.**

 **Reclusive Dork: Not even close on the guessing hun. XD**

 **Inferno-Sama35678902: I have no idea why his birthday is May 5th, ask Kishimoto. Glad you found the story! Also yeah, Naruto's son -who will NOT be named Boruto- would act like that around his sharingan wielding cousins. XD**

 **MidnaMoo: HEY! Glad you're catching up hun, I was wondering where you disappeared to! :D Good to know the yaoi pairing didn't turn you away from this fic, I personally don't really see it as a yaoi… mentally. Deidara is physically male but mentally female, sooooo I don't really know what to call it. I just call it yaoi because of physical reasons.**

 **cdog1019: I am a trivia nerd, so learning something new is bound to happen when you read my stuff, glad I could tell people about the changes. Also, why is Isobu offended? He's a turtle. I think I insulted Kokuo who is more dolphin like imo. ^^**

 **happypanda2005: Yep.**

 **Ringo1327: Nope, never watched either one so will not be writing them. I am going to be doing a two part chapter on the Road to Ninja movie though, as that is a movie I am extremely fond of.**

 **Warning: Deaths, lots of blood, Hidan (aka swearing), violence, Deidara's mild concern for his flesh wounds, just the usual stuff to worry about. Oh and yaoi, gotta warn the kiddies that accidentally read the latest chapter before reading the whole fic. :3**

 **Disclaimer: Owning Naruto… I do not. Tis a sad fact.**

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY LEFT?!" Currently at this given moment, I was screaming bloody murder in Tsunade's face. I was just informed by Ino that Asuma, Shikamaru, Izumo and Kotetsu were sent to the Fire Temple as it had been attacked. However, they seemed to have forgotten to bring anyone that knew about the Akatsuki first hand, aka me, Kisame or Itachi!

"Deidara… They are some of our most skilled shinobi, what could possibly go wro-" Tsunade's face turns sour when I fling my arms, sending paperwork flying.

My voice hits a new pitch that should have broken glass if I was a woman, "ASUMA DIES!" I spin around, my long hair smacking more paperwork off her desk like a cat o' nine tails as I run out of the office, much to Tsunade's annoyance.

Rushing through the village like Sonic on sugar, I worked quickly to collect Ino, Choji, Karin and Sakura. Before I even explain the situation at hand I threw them all on birds so we could head to our destination.

"Deidara-sensei, what's going on?!" Sakura was still dizzy from me suddenly grabbing her while she was mid training. She falls to her knees so the wind doesn't blow her off the bird.

"Asuma and the others are fighting two Akatsuki members, one of them is immortal and has a jutsu where anything that happens to him, happens to the other person. This guy sacrifices people! Do the math, un!" Everyone became stiff as a board at that. My heart pounded in my head as I developed tunnel vision, I knew where they were. Hell, I made SURE to know that location before shippuden even started.

'I will never forgive myself, Hagoromo, Kaguya, Obito… ANYONE… I will damn this world if Asuma dies!'

 _With Team Asuma_

 **3rd person POV**

"This is bad…" Izumo glares at Kakuzu as he blocks the three chunins from approaching Asuma and Hidan. Hidan had just activated his ritual jutsu and stabbed himself in the leg, causing Asuma to fall to the ground with a gaping hole through his own leg.

"Tell me about it, how did the captain get hurt when the guy stabbed his leg?" Kotetsu's brain was working a mile a minute, each time it reached a dead end it bounced back to the beginning, "It makes no sense…"

Hidan throws his head in pure maniacal laughter, "We shall both feel the ultimate pain together! What should I stab next? Hmm? An organ? Another limb?" Hidan twists his spear so the tip points at his heart, "Or should I end this all here, and save you the trouble of looking so fucking pathetic?"

Shikamaru feels a bead of sweat roll down his brow as he tried thinking of a strategy, 'Think… what is the connection with his jutsu…? Wait… that symbol and the blood!' His back straightened as the solution was laid out in front of him like one of his shogi games.

Asuma smirks seeing Shikamaru's eyes lit up, 'He figured it out.' He trusted his student to come up with a strategy to take down the enemy, but he hopes it's soon.

Changing his hand signs, Shikamaru captures Hidan in a shadow possession jutsu, slowly backing him out of the mark, "The two are connected by blood, as long as that Hidan guy remains in that symbol, any pain he feels Asuma feels." His comrades nod in understanding.

Izumo nods, seeing the connection, "What a scary jutsu… how can someone make a technique like that?"

Kotetsu frowns, "I heard it's from a cult that experimented on immortality… but I thought it failed… guess I was wrong." He crouches slightly, like a cat ready to pounce incase Kakuzu moved.

'Smart brat…' Kakuzu could practically see the bounty the kid will someday produce with a brain that big. Almost makes him want to keep the Nara alive to see the money rolling… almost. Konoha shinobi are revenge prone.

Hidan growls in annoyance, "When I get out of this jutsu, I'm going to tear you a new hole fucker!" Only to wince when Asuma threw a shuriken and sliced his ear, Shikamaru used his shadow stitching jutsu to keep Hidan still.

"Sorry Asuma-sensei, I can't hold this jutsu for much longer…" Shikamaru's face becomes covered in sweat as the jutsu drained his chakra. Overhead he swore he could hear the sounds of birds flying in their direction. That didn't make sense though, birds usually fly away from battles.

"It's fine Shikamaru… I'll end this now…" Pushing himself to his feet and slowly dragging himself to Hidan, activating his chakra blades. Hidan panics, yelling for Kakuzu to help him out, but Asuma cleanly slices off Hidan's head. The world went in slow motion as the head flew to the side, bounced on the ground, then land with a soft thud.

"You should have asked for my help sooner, Hidan…" Everyone was mildly disturbed by how chill Kakuzu could scold his yelling partn- wait, yelling?!

"WELL FUCK YOU TOO, KAKUZU! I wouldn't be in this fucking mess if you had moved your old ass!" If it wasn't for the fact that Hidan looks like an inkwell threw up on him, he would be red from the screaming.

"I don't think you're in any position to yell at me if you want my help." Kakuzu blankly stared at Hidan, as the immortal slowly became humble. Pleased with the change in attitude, he proceed to pick his partner's head up by his hair.

"No Kakuzu! Bring my body to me! This hurts!"

"Your head is lighter. Shouldn't your neck wound be hurting more?"

"Of course it fucking hurts! You don't understand how much it hurts to have your fucking head cut off!"

Everyone was frozen on the spot as Kakuzu sew his partner's head back on, and then proceed to scold Hidan for cracking his neck, "If you move too much they'll come right off." But Hidan didn't pay this any mind, "You keep fighting the Cash Cow. I got the other three."

Kotetsu crouches and proceeds to run with his giant weapon, "We won't let you get the captain!" Izumo and Kotetsu try to get to Asuma, but Kakuzu extended the threads inside his body to grab the two by the throat.

Asuma tries to slice at Hidan, but froze as an unmeasurable burning sensation erupted in his lower gut as the sound of flesh and bone being cut came from Hidan. Looking up at the immortal man, time stood still as it processes to everyone that he had stabbed himself with his scythe… standing on the symbol of Jashin.

Shikamaru pushed himself to his feet while Hidan laughed with glee, "It's over!" Raising his spear and lunged his arm towards himself, aiming for his spine. Shikamaru could only say one thing as he rushed desperately towards his mentor

"ASUMA!"

 **Deidara's POV**

'Please make it in time, please please please please.' Was my only thought as I had the birds fly faster and faster to where the fight was taken place. Everyone at some point had to bury their hands and feet into the clay bodies to keep themselves from flying off, 'Sorry guys, there isn't any time to waste! If we're too slow-'

"ASUMA!"

Thinking time over. Without hesitation, upon seeing everyone I leap off my bird and skillfully land on Hidan like Batman after too many cups of margaritas. Needless to say dramatics and graceful entries fly out the door the moment maternal instincts kick in.

To put things in a better perspective: I nosedived off my bird and landed on top of Hidan, stopping him from stabbing himself and instead got myself stabbed in the shoulder. Not fun, but Asuma is alive.

"What the flying fuck?! Where the fuck did you come from you shit?!" Hidan squirms under my dead weight as my shoulder began to feel as though it was on fire. Before my brain could react to the pain and start freaking out, I start kicking at the Jashin symbol to remove parts of it, causing Hidan's skin to turn to normal.

"The sky you dumbfuck, is your head empty from loss of blood or something, un?" I spit a glob of blood onto his face, pleased at the pissed expression I was getting.

Another pain I'm feeling is in my stomach, as I had landed on Hidan and he had his scythe embedded inside his gut. Thankfully he was on his back so the most I'm gonna have is some really dark bruising, "If it wasn't for the scythe in your gut I'd say you're pretty cozy. But as it stands you're as comfy as laying on a log… actually nevermind, a log is more comfy, un."

While I was preoccupying the Jashinist, Choji quickly used his expansion jutsu to make Kakuzu release Izumo and Kotetsu. All three girls rushed to Asuma's side, using medical ninjutsu on his vitals to keep him alive. Thankfully everyone was working fast.

Sakura took charge, barking orders on what to heal, "Ino, focus on Asuma-san's leg and burns! Karin, help me with his stomach!" Ino was not the best at medal ninjutsu, but she could easily stop the bleeding while Karin could help Asuma with her massive chakra reserve and control.

Suddenly, before Hidan could could fling more curses -and spit- in my face, his eyes bug out and then groan, "Come on leader. Give us a few more minutes." All the guys paused in interest as Hidan and Kakuzu seemed focus on someone that was not actually there.

Oh! Pein's talking to them! I wanna play telephone too, "Hi Pein!" Hidan was now trying to squirm away again as I was now screaming in his ear, "I'll be seeing you soon, carrot top!" Turns out the more blood I lose… the more I sound like fanfiction Tobi… fun! At least I'm not talking in 3rd person, "Tell Konan I said hi please, un!"

 **3rd person POV**

If Pein had emotions, his head would have reeled back at the loud voice that was definitely not Hidan, 'So… Deidara also knows about the connection. Makes sense… after all, he is Itachi's husband.'

Nagato had Pein turn to Konan to blankly state, "Deidara says hi." All the while keeping the connection with Hidan and Kakuzu, the duo have been getting on the leader's nerves lately -mostly Hidan's fault- and thought humoring the blond would suffice as punishment.

Konan tilts her head, keeping her expression composed and equally blank, "Thank you for relaying the message, Pein. Please return my regards." She nods her head in thanks before resuming her task of preparing Nagato's medicine.

 **Deidara's POV**

"Gah! Stop fucking screaming in my ear you damn whore! What the fuck?! Leader, why are you listening to him, and why is Konan saying 'hi'?!"

I couldn't erase the giddy grin plastered on my face, 'Thanks Pein, I'll see you during the invasion arc if it happens!' I decided not to say that last bit out loud.

Hidan was only relieved of my body weight when Kakuzu promptly kicked me off, sending me flying and the spear still lodged in my shoulder. I'm already in pain, so this was a dull throb compared to the burning sensation of being stabbed.

"We'll be back for the bounty..." The zombie duo left without looking back, well… Hidan did, but before he could swear more, Kakuzu yanked him away.

Kotetsu runs to my side and gripped the spear, "I'm going to pull it out, Izumo, hold him still please." I feel Izumo grab my uninjured shoulder. Needless to say, I panicked.

"Hey hey hey! Let's not yank the metal pole out of my should-" My voice was lost in a rather animalistic yell escaping my throat as Kotetsu ripped out the spear like it a parent does a bandaid… or their child's first tooth. Based on the blood, it had went through my shoulder and sticked out a good 4 inches on the other side.

Pleased with themselves and after I was done sounding like a banshee that stubbed her toe, the two brought me to where a heavily bleeding Asuma is being healed by the girls. But Sakura and Ino were breathing heavily, obviously running out of chakra and Asuma was still not in stable condition.

Karin looked between Sakura and Ino, before stopping her medical ninjutsu and rolling up her sleeves, "Use my chakra guys." She shoves her arms into each girls' mouth. At first, neither of them wanted to bite her, but Asuma teetering between life and death made them accept the offer, "We'll heal you when we get Asuma-sensei stable, Deidara-san."

I shake my head, not minding Karin using her abilities willingly, "Nah, it's just a flesh wound. I'll be okay, un." I wave the hand connected to my uninjured shoulder, thankfully the spear missed my heart. I was using chakra to numb the pain.

"I can see Asuma perfectly through you, Deidara." Izumo was bent sideways to look through the noticeably sized hole in my shoulder. Lovely, I'm going to need a new coat too.

"He's right. It's kinda freaky... all the muscle is pushed to the side and is almost perfectly round." In a moment of idiocy, Kotetsu decided to try and jab his finger into the hole as if that was to prove his point. Can we not poke at my injuries here? This isn't pre-school where kids are shoving crayons up their noses!

I smack the hand away, "I'll live, focus on Asuma." I sit down next to Shikamaru, who was mixture of near panic attack from Asuma being injured, and the fact that there is a pool of blood slowly forming on my lap. I have a high pain tolerance despite never having my arms ripped off, though I do admit to the fact that I'm definitely gonna need a blood transfusion after this.

"Deidara… thank you…" Asuma weakly opens his eyes and looks over at us smiling, "I think… I would be dead… had you not show up…"

I chose not to comment, not with a genius like Shikamaru sitting next to me. But once the girls were able to get Asuma in a stable condition, I wasted no time in creating a chocobo and having them put him on it.

"Deidara-sensei, you lost a lot of blood… will you be okay riding?" Sakura was staring at my shoulder, everyone was staring at my damn shoulder!

"Yes, come on, put the guy on the bird while I'm still pumped full of adrenaline, un!" Asuma was promptly laid on the bird like a sack of flour and I hopped on, "Please get rid of all blood in the area! The birds will fly you back, see you in Konoha!" I then had the bird run at max speed.

There was no time to worry about myself, I need to get Asuma to Tsunade. But I also I need to make sure I'm stable enough to fight. I need to make sure that in 3 days I can confidently approach Hidan and Kakuzu alone. I need to make sure they were dead for good.

The arrival to Konoha was a literal bloody mess. I was bleeding, Asuma was bleeding, we were both getting blood on Itachi and Kimimaro and the nurses and- okay seriously you guys can stop putting your finger in my shoulder?! I am aware that it is a clean cut through muscle and bone and that I look like I'm trying to cosplay as swiss cheese!

Tsunade had a small team of medical shinobi help her with Asuma's wounds while I had several of my own repairing the muscle work. I was so dizzy from the blood loss that I wasn't able to answer questions. It felt like I was underwater and I could not understand what my husband and younger brother were saying to me. I think they were scolding me.

The world became spinny as a vortex of darkness clouded my vision.

 _3 days later_

Asuma was paralyzed from the waist down.

Turns out Hidan severed the lower half of Asuma's spine, the thickness of the scythe separated it to where surgery, even by Tsunade had a high chance of killing him. The best she could do was stabilized and rearrange his nerves and veins to function normally.

I received heavy scolding from Itachi and my brothers, but I also received a tight hug from Kurenai. The poor girl was in tears seeing Asuma alive, and even more so when she learned that he nearly died.

The medics were able to close my wound. As a result of my stupidity though, I got a scar on my right shoulder… it's always the right side. Always. First the curse mark and now this. Frankly, I have no reason to complain, Asuma lost his ability to walk.

"Nii-sama, stay in bed. You finished your task and now you need to make sure you're wounds stay closed." Was the advice I had received from Kimimaro not long after he finished scolding me. He is right, I finished my main objective...

NOT! I have plenty of unfinished business to attend to. Which is why I'm standing before Hidan and Kakuzu with my arms crossed and chewing on clay like bubble gum. It's not as tasty as gum mind you.

Hidan pulls out his scythe, grinning insanely, "Leader said that it's okay to kill you if you got in our way. I hope you're ready to face Jashin you little bitch."

If clay had the consistency of bubble gum, I would be blowing a nice big bubble at this point, "I heard he's fun at parties, un. But no… it's you who will meet your fictional God." I skillfully bend my body backwards to avoid Hidan's swings. I was keeping my cool, almost toying with the man.

"Please, I wish someone would fucking kill me!*" Allowing his scythe to fly around and defy all forms of physics, I dodge the stupid thing while spitting out my clay. That request can be arranged!

I didn't need to make anything fancy, so I made a simple ball and allowed it to dissolve into the air. Apparently the Akatsuki neglected to tell these two about my C4.

Hidan laughs mockingly, "What's the matter Deidara-chan? Your clay can't handle fucking air or something?" I hate that laugh… I really do… so I made him stop.

By watching his hand dissolve into nothing.

"The fuck?!"

Noticing, Kakuzu spring into action seeing Hidan's hand turn into nothingness. I quickly have the four hearts on his back dissolve as well, causing the ancient man to fall to the ground in agony. I forgot what his hearts were, but I wasn't going to take any changes with lightning jutsus.

Just for my own amusement and mixed paranoia, I summoned Hashirama. I don't know why I summoned him and not Madara… maybe I just wanted to rub it in Kakuzu's face?

The Shodai Hokage looks at me in confusion after his coffin opened, only to watch in horror as my C4 slowly dissolved Hidan from existence as he cursed my life, "Deidara! What are you doing?! This is wrong!" Of course his morals got the best of him, he doesn't know any better.

With a deadpanned lecture voice, "Hidan is an immortal that sacrifices others for his God. And Kakuzu…" I jab my thumb at the other man who was staring at Hashirama and me in rage, "Well… He's the same one that tried to assassinate you, un."

"The Takigakure shinobi? He's still alive?" Hashirama gawked at the man, "Amazing… Deidara, why did you summon me?" He looks down at me, the dramatic head tilt reminded me that this guy even towers Madara. Damn Senju… hm… doesn't roll like "damn Uchiha."

"To show you how I treat my enemies. This is what happened to Shimura Danzo… and now the same treatment is happening for these two… to keep Sarutobi Asuma alive, un." I stare down at Hidan without a care as he cursed me to hell, only looking away when he was no more. C4 destroys at the molecular level, he's truly dead.

Kakuzu pushed himself up, "To think… I would be killed by some brat, and the same way as that idiot Hidan." Hashirama watched the exchange sadly, probably aware that this man was stuck with this choice because of his village.

In reality, Kakuzu and Hidan were just monsters. The only people that never redeem themselves.

"I'll make it quick for you… Only because I need to respect my elders more, un." I have the jutsu stop Kakuzu's heart and then destroy his body. Asuma is alive, I see no reason in letting others cut open Kakuzu's body like a frog in biology.

Hashirama still had that sad look in his eyes, "So… things… really have not changed after all these years…"

I shake my head, "In all seriousness, you and Tobirama just opened a pathway to make killing more complex and organized. I simply took my kekkei genkai and turned it up a notch…" I pick up Kakuzu's heavy briefcase that he still had with him, along with a few other things that remained untouched by the C4.

Hashirama bows his head with an emo cloud, "I'm sorry that I'm a failure…" Okay, why do people compare me to this guy? I'm way more cheerful than him.

I smack his head, "You're the adult here! Stand tall and proud! Without you and Madara working together, children would still be slaughtering each other the moment they could hold a kunai, un." Hashirama still looked like a kicked puppy as he massaged his cracked forehead, causing me to sigh, "Look, things could be a lot worse than what they are. You can't rid a world of all the whack-jobs by yourself, I'm keeping you around for one specific reason, un."

Before Hashirama could inquire what I mean, my entire body froze hearing a familiar voice. It wasn't out if fear… but pure… uncontrollable hatred, one that would put any Uchiha to shame.

"My, you really are a skilled shinobi, Deidara!" I don't even need to turn around to identify that voice, Hashirama was staring at Zetsu in interest and mild protectiveness as I wasn't moving. Well, if shaking and a progressively redded face didn't count as moving.

I saw red, 'Kill… kill… kill… end him- no I need Kaguya to appear so I can end her as well.' Kami forbid if I leave the juubi and Kaguya unattended after all of the children are born. I snap my thoughts back to being logical, killing Zetsu would be dangerous at this time with the Akatsuki only missing a few bijuu.

"What's the matter? Why don't you turn around and look at us. **It's the polite thing to do you brat.** " Zetsu wisely keeps his distance, considering I have Hashirama with me. Said Hokage turns me around so I could look at the walking plantman.

"You better get the hell out of here before I turn you into mulch you walking plothole. Or better yet, how about I send you to the moon so you can hide in the kimono of mommy-dearest like the coward you are, un?" I felt a little bit of confidence return to me as Zetsu's calm composure breaks for that second.

Black Zetsu released a low growl while white Zetsu was acting calm, " **I'll make sure mother kills you first… You talk big for a little girl… but you'll regret those words in the end…** " Excuse me, I am not a little girl! I am an adult! Wait… he knows.

I feel the blood drain from my face as I back away, bumping into Hashirama in the process, "How do you… nevermind, you're one of the best spies in the anime. If you didn't learn by this point I would be sorely disappointed in your character, un." I rub the bridge of my nose to remind myself of that little fact.

White Zetsu pouts, "Aw… why are we referred to as characters and not real people? **Is it so you won't feel guilt by wanting us dead?** " I really hate that smug tone in his voice, I really do.

I have C1s be made into my hand, "So what if that is the case? All shinobi need to have a coping mechanism, un." I throw them at the man to explode, but when the smoke cleared, he was gone.

"What was that all about Dei- Deidara?!" He had to quickly catch me as my legs gave out, "What the?! Hey! What's wrong?!" Worry rang out of his voice like a church bell as he shook me, thinking I was going to faint.

"Stress… I'll be okay. I just need a minute… Zetsu and Obito are not good for my mind, un…" I remained in the feedle position for a few minutes as Hashirama rubbed circles on my back. It feels weird not wearing my coat when outside, I feel exposed and vulnerable.

Slowly standing up, I place a hand on Hashirama to steady myself as blood escaped my head. We say our goodbyes after recollecting my stuff and I unsummon Hashirama to head home.

My first stop was my house, and frankly Itachi's expression seeing what I brought home amused me greatly.

"Dei… Why did you bring home Hidan's scythe and Jashin pendant?" He eyes the two items cautiously as I seal them both in a scroll and lock them away in a safe. Yes, he is fully aware that I left to kill Hidan and Kakuzu, I just left out the teeny-tiny factor that I would be bringing home souvenirs.

"Trophies." Was my simple one-word answer. There was no other reason for keeping them, but just as reminders of the changes I had made.

Itachi sighs, slowly shaking his head before wrapping his arms around my stomach, kissing my head, "Your list is shrinking… what will you do when it's blank?" He rests his chin on my head as we enjoyed a rare moment of just being able to hug each other.

I take one of his hands and kiss his knuckles tenderly, "Be a good parent for our children… a blank list means less fear, un." I nuzzle his jawline with my head like an affectionate kitten, "I'll be home later. I have some things left to do."

Itachi releases me so I could plant a kiss on his lips. Grabbing the briefcase, I head out to Asuma and Kurenai's apartment. Knocking on the door I was greeted by the tired kunoichi of the house.

"Deidara?" Kurenai looks at me in confusion as she allowed me inside. I politely bow to the pregnant woman and remove my shoes. When she offered me tea I decline as I didn't want to make this trip longer than needed.

Walking to the main living space, my chest swells seeing Asuma wheelchair bound. He had stopped smoking for Kurenai's sake, but I could tell he wished he could go back on it. At the same time… I could tell he was just happy to be alive.

"Asuma-san…" I take a seat across from him, placing Kakuzu's briefcase by my feet. Kurenai sits next to Asuma, her stomach starting to become more round.

"Deidara! It's great that you came to visit." The man gave me a wide grin, not once did it seem fake or forced, he was genuine in all of his gestures.

I chuckle, "Glad to see that you are okay… I came here with a specific reason." I hold out the briefcase to Asuma, which he takes and opens. The couple pales seeing all of the ryo, "I killed Hidan and Kakuzu just hours ago. That money is Chiriku's bounty, un."

Asuma stares at me in shock, "Deidara… why did you bring… no. We cannot accept this." He quickly figured out why I brought it over and tried to return the briefcase to me, but I stop him in his track.

"Asuma-san, listen to me. You're unable to walk and Kurenai is pregnant, neither of you can work at this given moment and with a baby on the way… please understand that I'm not trying to hurt your pride or dishonor you by giving charity. This money was collected by using a good friend of yours and I have no right to keep this. Use it to brighten your daughter's future, un."

Kurenai bites her lower lip, "You are also expecting children…" I am not going to let them use my own cards against me.

I wave her off, "Itachi and I are not going to retire for a very long time, we're fine, un." I stand and bow to them, "What you decide to do with the money is up to you. But please keep the new life waiting to be born in mind, un." Slipping on my shoes, I leave the apartment to let the couple think.

 **3rd person POV**

Asuma sets the briefcase down for a moment to think to himself, "Kurenai… you're having a girl?"

The red-eyed woman looks at Asuma confused, "I don't know, I haven't gone in for that ultrasound yet… Anko and I were going to the procedure on the same day." Now they were both lost.

'How did Deidara know the gender of the baby?'

In the distance they could hear the young ANBU sneeze.

 **Deidara's POV**

The moment I had released that sneeze, Kimimaro was at my side offering a handkerchief, "Nii-sama, if you are ill you should be in bed and rest… Your stress is not good for your health."

I chuckle at his serious expression, "Kimi, I'm okay, I'm just going to see how Naruto's training is going. Do you want to join me?" My brother pauses before nodding with vigor at the idea of visiting his otouto, "Alright, come on, un." I motion him to follow me as we head into the training ground where we were greeted with an interesting surprise.

"RASENSHURIKEN!" Naruto's new jutsu spun wildly in his hand, looking absolute badass in his own way as he charged towards one of Yamato's pillars to see what kind of damage he can do… time to ruin his ego.

"NARUTO, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" I bit back a smirk when Naruto loses his chakra control, both him and his clones fly in different directions from the gust of wind. In reality I was also nervous about Naruto hurting his arm.

"Deidara-nii! I had just gotten that jutsu to work, dattebayo!" Naruto's face twisted into a pout as Kimimaro went to help him up, "Thanks, Kimi-nii."

I place my hands on my hips as Kimimaro dusted Naruto off, "The jutsu is called 'rasenshuriken' yet you are treating it like a normal rasengan. Why not throw it, un?"

Kimimaro nods in agreement, "I agree with Nii-sama, otouto. You need to be able to attack from a distance." He ruffles Naruto's hair once he was satisfied that Naruto's pants were dirt free.

Naruto flails his arms as he explains his side of the argument, "But it's hard enough to use the jutsu in the first place, throwing it would be even harder, dattebayo!" Even Kakashi and Yamato were considering the fact that Naruto is too close ranged for his personality.

"No… Deidara is right, we can't treat this like a normal jutsu. Was there any side effects you could sense in it?" Kakashi motions to me as he asked that question, "You usually don't interfere with your brother's training unless something's wrong." In reality, I could tell he wanted to know my knowledge of the jutsu.

Always quick on your feet Kakashi, "It would have damaged the chakra nerves in Naruto's arm. Continuous use would render it unusable, un." I fold my arms then close my eye as I nod to myself, "You need to throw it in order for the jutsu to work."

Yamato tenses up, "He would lose his arm?" Him and Kakashi exchange nervous glances, "Neither of us are long range fighters, how is he going to learn to control his chakra that way?"

I open my eye with a smirk, "I know someone."

 _A few minutes later_

"So not only does the loser risk losing his arm because he's terrible at learning jutsu," Sasuke blankly ignores Naruto's yelling, "but I need to teach him how to throw chakra?"

I nod brightly, "Yep! Because you are able to throw chakra with your chidori senbon, and also you are closeby I thought you would be perfect to teach him. Your sharingan can watch his movements and correct him as well. Think you're up for the challenge, Duck-kun?" Everyone was sweat dropping at how Sasuke and I could talk about this like a parent asks a teacher for extra lessons.

Sasuke stalks over to Naruto and leans to the blond's height, much to the latter's annoyance, "I'll see what I can do... But it will cost you a summoning technique. Jiraiya wasn't able to give me one-" His head jerked to the side when I threw a scroll at his head with a thunk.

"Payment in advance, un!" Sasuke looks at the scroll in interest.

"Snakes?" His brow furrows in interest, "Orochimaru's summoning?"

I nod, "Close. You won't summon snakes that are loyal to Orochimaru, it summons the more poisonous clans that keep to themselves like the cobra clan and spiny bush vipers*, only some are as big as Manda. You'll need to prove your strength to these ones so I'll send for antidotes beforehand, un." I already requested Sasori to make some in advance just incase.

Okay, now everyone is looking at me weirdly. Kakashi was the one to drop the question, "How did you get the summoning scroll for the specific clans?"

I fold my hands behind my back, rocking on my heels, "I maaaayyyy have done some hunting while I was away with Anko. I was gonna give Duck-kun the duck summoning, but they're extremely slow and waddlely for his fighting style and weasels are… temperamental. Okay! Time to train!" I smack Kakashi on the back, making the poor guy faceplant and lose any oxygen in his lungs.

Sasuke pockets the scroll then smirks at Naruto, "Don't expect me to go easy in you, dobe."

"Wouldn't have it either way, teme!" The two run off to train… I guess in secret?

Kimimaro looks at me and sighs, "Nii-sama, can you teach me your negotiation skills? I have to speak the clan elders of the Hyuuga clan soon to make sure I won't harm the main family." Seriously guys? He's lived in this village since he was 10 and those old farts still don't trust him?

I sigh and hook my arm with his, "I'll go with you. I'm not gonna let my baby deal with a bunch of decrepit old farts alone, un." Walking away with Kimimaro, we left the two jounins alone in their confusion.

Yamato looks at Kakashi, "Deidara… does realize that his 'baby' is taller than him… right? Right? Senpai?"

Kakashi looks up from his book that he somehow pulled out after standing up, "Did you say something Yamato?" Only to chuckle nervously when Yamato gives him the doom stare.

"That's not funny Kakashi-senpai."

* * *

 **The immortal duo is now dead and Asuma lives to see his baby girl be born! Yay! I like Hidan, but there was no reason for either of the duo to live in this story. Sorry to all of the Hidan and Kakuzu fans!**

*Hidan says this in every form of media when drawing his Jashin symbol against Asuma, I don't know if it's him being cocky or Hidan legit wants someone to kill him, but it's there. I'd like to think even he questions Jashin's powers and wants to face someone that could rival his deity. But that's just my headcanon on the subject.

*I wanted to give Sasuke venomous snakes as that seems to be his type of snake I could picture him using. If you are wondering why spiny bush vipers specifically… well… google them. They are beautiful snakes and if Sasuke would summon giant brightly colored ones it would suit his artistic personality.

 **I wanted to address something right now because I keep getting reviews on this topic and I want to try to put a stop to it. I hate repeating myself a bunch of times and I don't want to accidentally take my anger out on someone. Because of all of the changes in the series so far by Deidara and with the fact that Hagoromo messed with the timeline, the Boruto series will NOT happen** **AT ALL.** **Otsutsuki clan shows up? C4, bye bye, Deidara will not deal with that crap anymore than he has to. Kawaki? Little bitch won't even be able to breath on Naruto before Deidara rips the guy apart, that I can assure you. A good chunk of the Boruto cast will not even be born because of the pairings changing and Deidara being an influence, not to mention all of the other kids that will also be born as a result.**

 **Please stop asking things related to the Boruto arc unless you are wondering if certain kids will be born still. As I have stated on multiple occasions, Deidara knows almost nothing about the series nor does he care. He doesn't know about the Otsutsuki, Kawaki, Shin Uchiha, Boruto getting some special eye or anything else of that matter. Asking for references or how he will handle fights will end up with either a "Can't make that reference because Deidara would not understand it" Or a "He'll just use C4 and get it over with". I will not update his knowledge just to add in Boruto references (not to mention that forces me to actually watch the series).**

 **I'm sorry for the rant but I REALLY needed to get that off my chest. I don't know how I'm going to end this story in specifics, but I know for a fact that I will not be writing the Boruto series. I'd like to get to my next fanfic before my summer vacation starts.**

 **Special announcement time!: I am taking a 2-3 week break from updates due to the amount of work my college is dropping on me and finals are around the corner. If you have questions that you really want me to answer please PM me and I will respond very quickly, unless I'm asleep. The next chapter is already being worked on, I just want to be able to focus on my schoolwork at this moment.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys after my finals are complete!**

 **Bye!**


	39. Water

**Did you lovelies miss me? :D I'm baaaaaacccccckkkkkk! I wasn't planning up updating this week, but I got far enough ahead in the fic that I was comfortable enough to resume updates. Not to mention since I learned what my tests are gonna be like this week for finals, I'm pretty good with schoolwork.**

 **So this chapter takes place during the Sanbi arc… don't worry about trying to remember things, I only briefly go into the arc because I also forgot most of the stuff that went on. Just remember who Guren and Yukimaru are and you're golden! In return for not doing the Sanbi arc well enough, there is a lovely side story at the end that I think you guys will enjoy. Along with a… "special" OC at the beginning.**

 **Thank you all for the continued support even when I stop updating. And thank you for the fave, follows and reviews, it was nice seeing the email notifications whenever I was stressed from school.**

 **707cloud: Oh trust me, the elders respect Deidara and will be afraid if they upset Kimimaro.**

 **Asia1990: I'm glad that you guys seem pretty okay with me not doing Boruto, it's not AS bad as I thought it was after I had watched a couple of episodes during Christmas, but Deidara still hates it nonetheless and I really don't want to catch up with it anytime soon.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Lot of doom in this fic huh? And this fic is life altering, I am considering having writing be a side passion after I start my main career and this helps me practice my creative writing. Plus, it helps keep me sane lol.**

 **VenaHope: Glad Pein made you laugh, certainly amused me and my beta. I do plan on having Mitsuki being born, that's for certain and it's one of the only reasons why Deidara has not gotten rid of the curse hickey on his neck. Boruto is a little shit and frankly I don't know why Kishimoto tried to make a character that was like Naruto but a brat, just give him his own personality for crying out loud. Sasuke will end the series with the same eyes has the manga/anime, and as for Jiraiya… uhhh… I'm struggling with that chapter, so whatever I do with that chapter plz don't hate me. ^^"**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Good luck on your fic hun! I know you'll do good! I think Hidan was more like he's always had doubt in his God, so he wants to die to see if Jashin truly exists or not, and since he's never been able to die that just kept proving that Jashin was real. Dexter is a good distraction btw, love that show.**

 **cdog1019: Ahhhh, whoopies ^^". Tbh I had no real reason for Hashirama to be there besides me just wanting him there, so if it felt like I sandwiched him in there… it's cause I did. Also I did not know about that review function, thanks for telling me about it!**

 **ShortcakeX: I'm glad you've been enjoying the fic for that long, nice to see that you dropped in and said hi! I'm too stubborn to drop this fic, I'd never be able to look any of my other work the same knowing that I dropped a big project like this. :D**

 **Bcp2005: He'll show up eventually, I have other plots to worry about before I even mess with him again.**

 **MelonLordofMelons: *proceeds to eat cloud* Yum~. Meh, I don't think Deidara and Itachi would want Hidan messing up their fun times if you catch my drift ;)**

 **princessbinas: I'm glad you're enjoying my SI fic, I try to make sure things are balanced and have reason behind them… except when they don't have reason and that's usually when my beta and I just have fun.**

 **Miz. Chaos: Glad you're liking the story!**

 **Reader: The ship name is known as MadaDei but I can see why you would think that, he does give off that vibe slightly. But really, Madara just sees Dei as a really stupid son/daughter and it makes him protective.**

 **Purplebeian: Yeah those beginning chapters were before I got my friend to fully beta with me, fixed the hiccup. Welcome to the fic!**

" _Blah_ " - English

 **Warning: Swearing, violence, an OC, use of alcohol, drunk poetry, and teasing.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the movie Anastasia, my beta owns the poem used in this fic.**

* * *

There was an overwhelming sense of giddiness emanating from my body. Tsunade had given me the mission of going to Kirigakure to inform Mei that Konoha would be capturing the Sanbi. It wasn't the fact that I'm going to Kiri that made me happy… no, nothing like that.

It was because this means the Sanbi arc was happening!

For some reason I just loved that arc, it dragged on for a while, but I tend to skip those bits. What I was excited for was potentially meeting Guren, and taking yet another skilled shinobi away from Orochimaru. Guren was my favorite filler character, I loved how artistically beautiful her jutsu were and the relationship between her and Yukimaru was just… ugh, I'm squealing. Good thing I'm on a bird.

"Deidara… why are you squealing?" Crap, I forgot I brought Madara along. He was in his Masato disguise, so his fox ears would twitch every once in a while.

I give him a cheeky grin, "I'm just excited to deal with the Sanbi. There's the high chance of meeting a shinobi with a cool kekkei genkai, un." It wasn't even a chance. The whole reason why this arc was happening still was because the Sanbi was irritated by something, and considering Kabuto's face is irritating enough… well, it had to be them.

Hopping off the bird when we reach Kiri, I fling my arms back so I can run into the village. The gatekeeper at this point has given up questioning my purpose for arriving to the village, he sees blond, he backs the fuck up.

Honestly, Mei was pretty okay with Konoha trying to capture the Sanbi. In her eyes, it was better that one of the Five Great Nations got to Isobu rather than the Akatsuki and seal it away in another dimension. Come to think of it… why was this seal never used again? In my opinion, it's only existence was to give fanfiction writers a reason to send Naruto characters into my old world to cause chaos to happen.

Okay, maybe I was a little too happy, but it's been nothing but depressing or aggravating events one after another. The fact that my favorite filler was just around the corner made my heart soar, nothing could kill this mood-

"OW!" I was so busy daydreaming that I ran into someone, causing me to land on my ass, "Gahhh…. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

A stern male voice spoke over me, "It's alright, you okay kid?" A hand grabs my arm and helps me stand. I hear a couple of guys snickering behind him, must be his teammates.

I nod brushing off my coat, "Don't call me kid, I'm 19 and an ANBU- huh?" I blink several times looking at the tall man in front of me. He had the same honey blond hair, just cut short and blue slanted eyes, Iwagakure clothes and headband. He looked like me… but older… and less attractive, he definitely had a more masculine look to him.

The man matched my shocked expression, his teammates suddenly became extremely cautious. Wait… don't fucking tell me… Is he…?

"Woah Katsumi," Nice name, "isn't that your son?" I feel my eyes lit up with excitement. Also this world is so predictable sometimes.

Deidara actually has parents! I always thought he was some orphan, but turns out that I have a dad! This is so cool! Several years ago I would have been dreading this, but I could potentially learn so much from this guy about Deidara's past-

"You traitor…" The punch in the gut and then a punch in the jaw reminded me that, despite living in Konoha all these years, Deidara in fact betrayed his home village, "How dare you show your face!" I taste copper… and it's not tasty.

Wiping the blood from my mouth, I stare up at this asshole, "Nice to see you too I guess, un?" This only seemed to piss off Katsumi more.

"Don't act like you don't know what you did!" He weaved a few hand signs that made my blood turn cold, he had explosion release! So the chakra nature is genetics… focus! Katsumi raised his hand, all with the intent of hitting me with whatever jutsu was at his palms.

"Lay a hand on the boy and Iwagakure will lose another shinobi." Madara appeared behind my father and held the kunai to his throat, "We are in Kirigakure, and you are causing a scene by attacking your son." The two other Iwa shinobi freeze on the spot, not noticing Madara right away despite him standing behind me originally, how do you not notice the giant poofy haired fox-man behind me? I made him very noticeable!

However, Katsumi didn't seemed phased by the threat at all, "This thing is no son of mine!" Locking eyes with me, he promptly spat in my face. Okay… ew, "He stole a forbidden jutsu, left the village and killed his own mother, all for the sake of his art. How many people has he killed to please himself knowing his 'art' was the thing that killed them?!" Hold the phone! I did what?!

Madara tilts his head, obviously noting my confused expression, "What do you mean?"

One of the Iwa shinobi pipes up, "When Deidara fled the village, he killed his pursuers in order to get away. One of them was his mother, though judging by his face… Deidara either forgot the whole thing, or didn't realize one of them was her."

My mouth goes dry at that moment, I couldn't find my voice. I… killed my own mother…? No wait, Deidara did, not me. This all happened before I took over his body, so I was not the one responsible for her dead… yet, I still felt guilty. I feel my head tilt downward in shame and a hand tangling itself in my hair so I was pulled into a chest. It didn't take eyes to know that this was Madara trying to comfort me.

"I… Do not remember most of my past anymore… You're nothing more than a stranger to me. Shinobi are killers by occupation, I can easily list off who I have killed before and for what reason, many were just because they got in my way, un." I take a deep breath and tilt my head so I could look at the man in the eyes, "I am no longer a shinobi of Iwagakure. I am Uchiha Deidara of Konohagakure, gah that's a mouthful…" I feel light headed from the lack of oxygen, "Husband of the head of the Uchiha clan, Itachi. Older brother and guardian of the Kyuubi no Jinchuuriki and…" I feel a smirk plaster on my face, "I am the ambassador for Konoha to Kirigakure, un."Okay… floor spinning, I forgot to breath half the time.

Katsumi's glare hardens, it reminded me of when the original Deidara would glare at Sasuke during their fight, "You should have never been born in the first place." That struck me, I don't even know this guy, but just the fact that he could easily say that without remorse… it… hurt, barely.

Madara's hand tightens around my head and guides me around the Iwagakure shinobi, even as we walk away, I could still feel his glare on my back, "What he said was for the original soul of your body, not to you. Remember that young lady." I feel his body twist and the Iwa shinobi bolting off in fear, I guess he flashes his sharingan at them.

I nod, feeling my mind daze off, "I… never expected to have actual parents…" I rest my head against his arm in thought. I never... really even bothered trying to learn about this bodies pasts, I just wiped the slate clean and did what I wanted. I should have known the past would come to haunt me eventually.

I hear Madara huff and try to blow some hair out of his face, but the mask got in his way, "Frankly, I think I'm a much better father figure than that guy." Which made me chuckle as Madara radiated jealousy that even for a second I acknowledged such a person as a parent, "You're what I could picture my child to be like if I had not abandoned Konoha and taken up a wife… Serious like an Uchiha… but stupid like Hashirama."

I smack Madara's arm in minor offence, I am not stupid! Also, good to know Hashi would have been his child's godfather.

"You'll still need to tell me the story of how Hashirama got to marry Mito, un." I smirk hearing the Uchiha groan.

"When you return from the lake, then we'll talk."

I see no reason to argue and I am holding that promise against him.

 _At the lake_

"Damn that's a big turtle!" Hey I'm a reptile nut, can't blame me for freaking out. Upon reaching the lake, everyone was having issues finding the Sanbi with its mist… so I may have pulled an anime and made it appear using C1s. I had arrived late to the party so Kakashi was filling me in on information, or at least trying to.

"Deidara! There's a crystal user working for Orochimaru, be careful! Shino is already working on breeding insects that are immune to her jutsu." Or… he would, but the Sanbi was being a royal pain in the ass and trying to kill everyone.

I perked up, "Oh! Guren IS here!" That got everyone to pause. Whoops, I was too happy for their liking huh?

"What the hell are you getting excited for, Deidara-nii?" Naruto was looking at me while talking to Gamatatsu, who was there to help him develop a really pointless jutsu that he would NEVER use again. Honestly, whose idea was this? Definitely not Sasuke's… ugh, I'm going to have to talk to Jiraiya about Naruto's jutsus.

I wave him off, "Oh nothing, just go do your thing honey. I'll go… meet this problem, try not to get eaten or anything, un!" Throwing a clay owl into the sky, I hop on it to scout, taking note of the occasional bat that would fly around my bird, "Damn… that bat man is here… heh… batman… though Bruce Wayne is more attractive than… fuck… what was his name? Renji… Kenji…? Bob?" I pause in thought, "Oh! Rinji! That's his name! Wait… doesn't he die halfway through, un?"

Hearing crinking noise, I turn my head to see brilliantly shiny pink crystals overtake the wing of my owl, "Well then… Time to meet Guren, un." Leaping off the bird, Guren had to dodge so my foot didn't land on her face. That wasn't intentional, her face just happened to be under my foot.

"Another Konoha pest…" Guren glared at me in frustration as the death fodder squad bolted past us to deal with the others. I forgot their names… meh, they die anyway.

I cheerfully wave at Guren smiling, "Hi Guren-san! My name is Deidara, un." I backflip to avoid her crystal projectiles, Kami I want that kekkei genkai.

Guren stares at me dumbfounded, "How do you…?" Blinking a few times, she shakes her head and gets back into a fighting stance, "No matter. You'll end up dead anywa-"

Incoming Sanbi tail!

We had to leap in opposite directions as the Sanbi was on a rampage, I had to get on dry land to avoid anymore attacks. I may have the advantage in terms of chakra nature… but I also don't want to be squashed by a giant turtle.

Looking over my shoulder, Guren was rushing to my teammates and brother in an attempt to kill them along with her teammates… I think this is when Guren and Naruto get eaten? I may love this filler, but like all fillers, it's a blur.

"Tch… I wanted to fight her some more. Oh well, she betrays Orochimaru anyway, un." Grumbling to myself I slowly trek around the lake, sensing the are. It's absolute mess on the waters, the Sanbi is on a rampage after swallowing Naruto and Guren. Yukimaru is screaming and the Sanbi is trying to get to him, with everyone trying to get him away. There was also-

"Ah, you always seem to know when to be a thorn in our sides Deidara." Moving my bangs so I didn't have to turn all the way, Kabuto emerges from the trees. I was really focused on Obito, who was about 30 feet away, but he's a good substitute, "I sincerely do hope you were joking about Guren betraying Orochimaru-sama. Since we have been unable to get Sasuke-kun, she would be the next vessel."

Biting my lip in thought, I had to reveal a smirk, "Glad to know. Now I can feel more pleasure in taking her away from him, un." Kabuto calmly adjusted his glasses, trying not to lose his temper, of course something in the distance distracted me from him. This gave him the opportunity to try and attack me.

"Guren-san!" I know that squeaky voice anywhere.

Absentmindedly kicking Kabuto in the gut to get him away from me, I twist around and bolt off after the voice. Maternal instincts kicking in as the voice became more and more panicked. I stop dead in my tracks when I see Yukimaru in a clearing, looking at the waters with a broken look.

"Yukimaru-kun?" I make my presence known, holding my hands above my head to show the kid I mean no harm. It still didn't stop him from yelping in fear and practically running headfirst into a tree. Ouch, that's gotta hurt.

"G-get away from me! Guren-san! Guren-san!" The poor chibi just kept screaming for Guren, I wasn't sure if I should comfort him or laugh at how pitiful this looks.

"Hey… hey… it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you. Watch my hands, un." Out of fear Yukimaru froze on the spot and watched as I unclasped my clay pouches and tossed them to the side, "My name is Deidara, I'm a Konoha shinobi. I want to help you and Guren get away from Orochimaru, him and Kabuto make you do things you don't like am I right, un?" To show I'm even less of a threat, I sit down while keeping my hands up.

In reality, this is a stupid move as I am more vulnerable in this state. But the last thing I want to do is frighten this child anymore than he already is.

Yukimaru pauses, clutching the cracked crystal with the camellia flower inside it to his chest. Slowly, he nods in confirmation to my statement, "I… can control the Sanbi and Kabuto-san makes me take medicine… it hurts my head…"

Kid is way too trusting for his own good, but can't blame him when he's half drugged up from whatever Kabuto made for him. I offer him a small smile, "Listen, Guren is alive. She's with my brother in the Sanbi's stomach. How about you help me get them out, un?" Yukimaru's eyes lit up in excitement as I stood up, "We need camellias. In return for helping Guren, I want you to stay with me until we are able to chase Kabuto away. Deal?"

At the prospect of getting Guren back, he didn't hesitate to agree to my terms. Taking my sleeve, he drags me to where the camellias are, "We can use these, right?"

I nod, creating clones to help collect flowers, "Tell me Yukimaru-kun. Why do you like Guren, un?" I know I'm just asking for one of his home speeches, but I need his trust in order to get Guren's trust. Besides, it's better to talk while picking flowers than in complete silence.

"Home is a place where someone is always thinking of you for you to return to. Guren-san is my place to return to, and I am Guren-san's home. Do you have a home to return to?" Yukimaru tilted his head in curiosity as we head to a spot where the flowers would help Guren and Naruto.

I hum thoughtfully, "I do. I have a husband, three wonderful brothers and friends who care for me. I feel blessed to have the home I have, un." I watch as Yukimaru grabs some grass and began playing his theme music. I never understand how you can make sounds like that using grass, but I was never a musical person myself. Now all was left was to wait and see what happens next.

 _One long ass filler later_

Yep, nostalgia really glorified this filler for me.

I loved the characters in the story, Yukimaru is such a precious chibi and Guren is a badass filler character that deserved to be canon. But man… did this drag on longer than it needed and I didn't have the ability to fast forward time.

After Guren and Naruto had left the Sanbi's stomach I dropped Yukimaru off to his little mother figure and proceed to spend the rest of the day tending to Hinata. The poor cinnamon roll was still exhausted from being trapped in crystal, so we were in the wooden house Yamato made for everyone to rest in. Happened just like in the anime, except when it was over I offered to Guren that if they need sanctuary to go to Kiri. I'm not sure if she would go there, but hey, Kabuto got his ass handed to him by Naruto and this did end on a happy note at least.

"Tsunade is ordering us to return." I look up from my book to see Kakashi at the doorway, "ANBU will take over on sealing the Sanbi." Oh… lovely.

Jumping to my feet, I grab Naruto's shoulder so I don't fall on my face, "Alright. Let's go home then. Naruto, how about you and I have some ramen when we get back, un? Celebrate you mastering a new… jutsu." I say that last word with minor sarcasm, he's never going to use that stupid jutsu ever again, him being here was a waste of time besides talk-no-jutsuing Guren. He should be home, training with Sasuke!

Naruto didn't notice my tone and instead fistbumped, "Hell yeah! I haven't had ramen in forever!" Honey… it's been 2 days.

Hinata seemed to have heard my thoughts, "Naruto-kun… we had ramen before we left for the mission, remember?" Wait. Hold a flippen minute.

"When did you two started dating, un?!" Sakura does a spit take next to me when I said that out loud. Now all the attention was on the duo.

"D-date?"

"We're not dating, we just had ramen, dattebayo!" Naruto tried to defend himself, too late really, all reason has left the door.

"Oh my Kami, you two are dating!" I proceed to hug the air out of Hinata while Naruto was in a choke hold by Sakura. Everyone decided to give us some space and not intervene… though Kiba and Lee are cheering for Naruto.

"Naruto, if you break Hinata's heart, I will kill you." Sakura lets out her danger aura as Naruto was slowly turning blue from a lack of air.

"G-guys… we're not d-d-dating!" Hinata slowly transformed back into her shy self as I was nuzzling her cheek with mine. This only made the idea more concrete than before, as Hinata rarely becomes shy for any reason unless it involves actually being with Naruto.

Sakura gives Hinata a reassuring smile, "Sure, Hinata-chan. Suuuuuureeeeee." These two can try to deny it, but we notice how they would sometimes lock fingers when we all eat together.

 **3rd person POV**

The Konoha shinobi returned after several hours of traveling and excessive teasing the teens. Tsunade wasn't pleased with the fact that the Sanbi was too difficult to capture, but was happy to know that Orochimaru lost some of his followers.

That same evening, Sasuke headed over to Deidara and Itachi's house after painting. He wanted to discuss some things with his brother and while he knew the couple were expecting guests, he couldn't wait for tomorrow, "Itach-"

" _Here this song and, remember… Soon you'll be… home with me~ Once upon a December~_ "*

Sasuke halted in his step hearing Deidara singing in his other tongue to someone, and carefully snuck into the family room to see Deidara singing to Anko's stomach. Anko wasn't paying much mind to the singing and was letting the blond do his thing while she drank some tea, only speaking when the song was done.

"Where did you learn that song Dei-chan? I never heard of it, did it come from your past?" Anko takes a sip of tea from her cup, neither one noticing Sasuke spying on them. Though it didn't escape the teen that Anko seemed to have been picking her words more carefully than before. Why was Deidara's past such a secretive thing to everyone but a select few?

Deidara nervously laughed and rubbed his neck, "It's a song from my childhood, nothing big. It was from a movie I use to watch all the time." Anko nodded in understanding, which made Sasuke even more confused.

'I never heard that song from a movie… then again, mother and father never took us to see movies except on rare occasions.' Everything about Deidara becomes more and more strange, but he's grown up to accept that. What caught his attention was as Deidara resumed singing, he suddenly stopped and grabbed his neck in pain. The movements were so sudden that Sasuke almost jumped from his hiding spot to help the blond as he began writhing in pain.

Anko sprang up to help Deidara, "Orochimaru?" She unbuttoned Deidara's trench coat, as the material started constricting the blond's neck and made breathing more difficult than it already was at the moment.

Deidara nodded while gasping for air, "Yeah… he's on his last leg and I think taking Guren away from him… ugh…" He flinched, tightening his hold on where the curse mark laid, "He's angry… and weak, so he's taking his frustration on me… makes sense, un." The blond takes a deep breath after a pained chuckle, only to slam his face into a pillow to let out a muffled scream. Sasuke watched in horror and anger as the curse mark couldn't seem to decide if it wanted to activate or not, patterns slowly spreading along his body before being sucked back into the mark thanks to the seal around it.

Turning at his heel, Sasuke stormed out of the house and past Itachi who had gone shopping. Itachi noted the fire in his brother's eyes as the teen rushed past him in a blur of black.

"Sasuke?" But the young Uchiha was already heading to the Hokage's office, piratically shoving anyone in his way, even Shizune and some ANBU.

Storming to Tsunade, Sasuke slammed his hands on her desk knocking over documents in the process. Sharingan activated and kill intent radiating from his body to the point where it was nearly suffocating to those nearby the room. He's had enough seeing his loved ones suffer because of him… no… because of a snake that didn't seem to understand that power won't win him over.

"Give me the order to kill Orochimaru. If you don't, I'll leave Konoha and kill him as a missing nin."

* * *

 **Side Story # 12 Madara, Hashirama and Mito** ( **Just after the Sanbi arc and before Sasuke spies on Dei and Anko** )

 **Deidara's POV**

Returning home after the whole Sanbi fiasco, I walk up behind Itachi and rest my head on his shoulder as he was looking at a list, "Going shopping, un?" I look at the list… and I can't read half of the kanjis on the paper.

I hear Itachi chuckle, must have said that last bit out loud, "Yes, I wanted to make something nice for us since Anko will be over for dinner. Will you be okay by yourself?" He nudges my head with his own like an affectionate cat. I always love these little gestures from him, never any big declarations of love, he always showed his love to me through actions rather then words.

I smirk, giving him a quick squeeze before releasing his stomach, "Yeah, I need to talk with Madara-sama about a few things before Anko shows up, un." I watch Itachi leave the house before summoning Madara, "Okay, no ones home and you promised to tell me how Hashirama got to marry Mito, un." I fold my arms as Madara groans into his hands, seemingly have forgotten the promise.

"It started at 4 am in the morning…" Oh this is gonna be good if it involves a sleepy Uchiha.

 _Flashback-no-jutsu_

 **3rd person POV**

"Madara! Great news!" Madara sat up from his futon as Hashirama barged into his room, kunai in hand and eternal mangekyou staring at his best friend thinking he was an attacker, "Oh… why do you sleep shirtless? It's cold this time of year." Of course Hashirama would chose to ignore the kunai that would have embedded his forehead had Madara not have self-control of himself.

Madara's entire rage deflated seeing Hashirama's happy demeanor in his room, "Hashirama, have you ever heard of knocking? What if I was with a woman? What time is it?" Madara looks outside from his window, barely able to see the sun in the sky and returned his glare to the man standing by his futon.

Hashirama proudly grinned down at his poofy haired friend, "Come on Madara, we both know you're single." He sweatdrops when the sharingan were focused on him again, "Ahhh… anyway, I wanted to tell you when it was morning, but I couldn't wait until then! I received a message from the Uzumaki clan! They want a formal alliance with Konoha!" The man was using all of his self-control to not cheer to the heavens as it was… "Oh, and it's about 4 in the morning." That time.

Madara slowly got out of his bed and slipped on his Uchiha shirt, "And why did you feel the need to tell me about this?" He impatiently tapped his foot, peeved that his sleep was ruined because of Hashirama… and on his day off too! He had spent 10 hours straight yesterday talking with the clan about important business, then another 5 hours dealing with Hashirama's idealistic ranting on what the village needs. A man needs his sleep!

Now the happy in Hashirama was drained away, rubbing the back of his head, "I uh… I have to marry the daughter of the Uzumaki clan's head… and I'm meeting her father today. I wanted you to go with me as it would strengthen the village's bond seeing both halves of the village."

"So you're scared." Madara deadpans blankly, which caused the Senju in front of him to blush furiously.

"N-no I'm not-" One Uchiha glare later, "Okay, I'm terrified! I met this girl, her name is Mito, and she's… she's absolutely beautiful and strong… I fell in love the moment I laid my eyes on her. I think I met her as a kid but… Seeing her now… as a fully grown woman..." If he could, he would have hearts flying over his head. Thankfully for Madara, he can't and the Uchiha doesn't have to dodge stupid floating hearts like a moron.

Madara sighed, "Only you would fall in love at first sight…" Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he sighs in acceptance, "Fine, I'll go. Now get out of my room and let me sleep!" The Uchiha promptly grabbed Hashirama by the back of his kimono, and literally kicked him in the ass out of his room, slamming the door shut.

How the hell did Hashirama get into his house anyway? Oh right, he gave the Senju permission when the village was first made.

 _That evening_

This is… rather awkward. Madara casually sipped his sake as Hashirama fumbled, trying to talk the Uzumaki head. Mito's father was this stern looking old man with red hair and streaks of grey in it, and it was overpowering Hashirama's cheerful aura. A rather pitiful sight if Madara was to be honest, if he was meeting with the father of his potential wife, he would demand a test of strength to prove that he can protect the man's daughter and produce strong heirs.

Deciding to help his friend out, Madara cleared his throat, "Uzumaki-sama. On behalf of the alliance between the village and your honorable clan, allow me to present to you, a present from the Uchiha clan." Like the perfect first born that he is, Madara gently sets down a bottle of the Uchiha clan's finest, and most powerful, sake.

The old man looked at the bottle suspiciously, which Madara poured the two men a cup and Hashirama poured Madara's cup. The Uchiha severed any suspicions by drinking the sake, proving that it was not poisoned.

Within minutes, both Hashirama and the elder Uzumaki were completely wasted. They barely had three glasses, and sake cups were small too. What lightweights...

Madara was trained to have a high tolerance for alcohol, it may fuzz his mind slightly but he was overall, in full control of himself. Seeing his friend and an elderly man acting like sentimental children was hilarious and… disturbing.

"Madaraaaaaa! Thank you for coming with meeeee, I-I wanted Tobirama to come w-with me… b-but," sniff, "He said he was busssssyyyyyy!" Hashirama flung himself onto Madara, crying onto him, "Y-You're the bestest… best friend I could," sniff again, "ever have!"

Madara leans away as snot threaten to get on his kimono, giving the man a handkerchief to blow his nose with, "Just don't get snot all over me, stupid Senju." He turns to look at the door when a beautiful young woman opened it in interest.

Poor Mito, she was promised to a man that she thought she never met before, and when she went to take a peek at her future husband… she found an Uchiha, her father drunk and her presumed husband… why was the Uchiha the only one not drunk?

"You must be Mito-hime, please forgive the display, I wanted to break the tension." Madara bowed in respect to the princess of the Uzumaki clan, of course Hashirama was ruining the display by being an idiot.

"Ah… Thank you… Uchiha-sama, I didn't expect my husband to be Hashirama-sama…" Mito had met Hashirama on multiple occasions, but the boy was too focused on his brothers and world peace to really notice her, until now.

Hashirama stared up at Mito in awe, "Beautiful…" Suddenly, he pulls out some fancy paper he had hidden in his robes, "I ah… wrote a," hic, "poem for you!"

Madara facepalmed while Mito watched with interest, "Oh? A poem?" She gives Madara an amused expression, knowing full well that she should wait until he was sober for him to read it to her… but she was curious to see what he would sound like if he was not held back by formalities.

"Mito-hime… please wait until this idiot is sober…" Too late, he's reading it.

( **AN: My lovely beta wrote the poem, I just added in all the drunken element. I'll put the original version in the authors note below** )

"The peerless" hic "beauty you possess"

"Forcing the moon to look away in shame"

"Your hair is" hic "like...like fire"

"The flame of my eternal love to you… love to you"

"Yourrrrr eyes are an…" Pauses to read, "abyss!"

"Pulling and trap me into your service" Nearly falls on Madara due to trying to hug himself.

"The...The goddess that you are"

"Your increpibl-incredible strength is unsurpassed by all"

"Like holy mother Amaterasu!" Loses paper due to arm fling.

"Your smile heals me and motivates me!"

"The loveliness that you are!"

"So beautiful no word can describe you!"

"A queen to my eyes!"

"Deserve to be worship and loved by all!"

Impressive, he was a mess at first, but once he got to the halfway mark he suddenly was able to shout his undying love for the woman in front of him.

Mito blinks a few times, before smiling and kissing Hashirama on the head, "Beautiful, you should write me more poetry after we wed." Carefully stepping around him, she picks up the paper and slides it into her kimono, making a shush motion to Madara before she leaves the room entirely.

Hashirama swayed in his spot, "Did I do good Ma...Ma…" Before passing out, banging his head on the table, which Madara notes also has the sleeping Uzumaki head.

"You had better been trying to say my name, Hashirama…"

 _The following morning and one hangovered Senju later_

After getting Hashirama some medicine for his hangover, the two walked around the settlement of the Uzumaki clan, it was nothing but redheads. It was like the Uchiha clan… but red.

Hashirama nudges Madara playfully, "I think some ladies here are interested in you~" Indeed, everytime Madara looked at the Uzumaki women, they would look away in a blushing and giggling mess, "Maybe we should get you a wife. Uzumaki and Uchiha would be a strong combination when you have an heir~"

Madara folds his arms stubbornly, "Uchihas only marry Uchihas. Unless you can find me a woman that is as beautiful and powerful as an Uchiha woman, I will never marry outside of the clan."

Hashirama gives his friend a cheeky grin, "Somebody's gonna die a virgin~" He was then chased by fireball jutsus, much to the amusement of a nearby Mito.

 _Flashback ends_

 **Deidara's POV**

"You did die a virgin though, un…" I bite my lip to hold in my snicker as Madara glared at me, "Don't look at me, you Uchiha like dying virgins. You all never seem interested in women."

Madara tried not to pout, "We had more important duties than finding wives. I would have married eventually."

I wasn't convinced, "Uh huh… sure you would grandpa, un." I like reminding him that he's an old fart now, despite looking like he's in his late 20s.

Huffing, Madara went to his coffin and had the lid close on him, but not before I pop a last minute question, "Did Mito keep the poem?"

He chose to answer, "... She practically hanged it on her wall." before sinking to the ground, leaving me a giggling mess.

"Hey Dei-chan, sup?" Anko had let herself in and was staring down at me in bewilderment, "Why you giggling like you just saw Sasuke's baby pictures?"

That stopped me from my giggling, "Wait, he has baby pictures?!" Anko quickly looked away and sat in a chair to watch me go into an amused frenzy looking through Itachi's side of the bookshelf and finding the Uchiha family photo album…

Awwwww, he had ducky pajamas!

* * *

 **Deidara got to meet his birth dad! I wanted to add in something like that because we never truly get a backstory for the guy, and I thought it would be cool to put some more details into the original Deidara's past. Sorry that the Sanbi arc was so short, I got lazy and didn't have time to rewatch the arc, I just kept it minor. Most of the stuff happens like in the anime, just with Dei's commentary.**

 **That side story was fun as hell! My beta was concerned that I was having a little too much fun with it, but nonetheless it amused me to mess with her poem to sound drunk and to voice out a drunk Hashirama** ( **Not kidding, I made hiccup sounds and sniffs the entire time. She was dying… and concerned.** ) **. The poem was made by my beta for this fic, it's not a haiku or tanka, it may be some other form of Japanese poetry and the reason why the syllables don't match up is because these characters speak Japanese, so the translations of course would not match. Here is the original version with some grammar changes because English is her second language:**

"The peerless beauty you possess,

Forcing the moon to look away in shame

Your hair is like fire,

The flame of my eternal love to you

Your eyes are an abyss,

Pulling and trap me into your service

The goddess that you are,

Your incredible strength is unsurpassed by all

Like holy mother Amaterasu,

Your smile heals me and motivates me

The loveliness that you are,

So beautiful no word can describe you

A queen to my eyes,

Deserve to be worship and loved by all."

 **Our goal was to make this as sappy as possible… I think it turned out wonderfully.**

* (Warning: movie spoilers) So the song I used was the reunion song from the Warner Bros. movie Anastasia with Anastasia and her grandmother. You can hear it in both the beginning of the movie and at the end, I chose this version instead of Once Upon A December where Anastasia is dancing with the ghosts of her past because the lyrics didn't add up. Deidara sang this song as more like a lullaby for his babies since they are due soon.

 **As always, reviews are loved and I'll see you all next week which is gonna be a doozy, something extremely important is going to happen in it and I ain't gonna tell you what it is. :P**

 **Bye!**


	40. Life

**Time for the crazy stuff to start happening, and it's just gonna snowball from there. This went through several revisions before I was happy enough to finalize it.**

 **Thank you guys for the fave, follows and reviews!**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Honestly, Deidara's dad is completely justifiable, I didn't write him to hate Dei for no reason, he has legitimate reasons. I'm glad you liked the side story, there was nothing on Naruto wiki that could help me write her character, but since she married Hashirama, I picked her as lady-like with some Uzumaki fun inside her.**

 **VenaHope: I believe the Anastasia movie was made when the theory that she was alive was still prominent, but I think in early 2000s they found her and the heir to the throne in an entirely different gravesite. I don't know why they buried the two youngest elsewhere and I don't think we'll ever know. Still doesn't stop my love for such a beautiful movie.**

 **ElysiumPhoenix: Babies are arriving VERY soon, sooner than you think.**

 **Tawnypelt37: My beta says thanks for the compliment! :D**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: I don't remember that conversation, but I'm certain we brought it up at some point. Also that sounds fun, a different take on the whole "Naruto characters go to our world" cause they're kids and not sure about the world around them. Also… hun, don't hurt yourself plz.**

 **Ringo1327: I did say I would be back in 2-3 weeks, I know a lot of authors say that but then never come back, but I am way too stubborn to stop now. Glad you liked the poem, it was fun to edit.**

 **Queen Gemini2: I know, the idea is so cute!**

 **omnipotent Porunga: Welcome to the story! Chu~ ;3 Gaara and Sasori will show up again in the 5 Kage Summit arc (yes I work that far in advance).**

 **Crazby: I don't mind if you miss reviewing a chapter or not, don't worry. ^^ I don't plan on doing the Utakata arc, never watched it just some bits and pieces and quote from my beta: "If you do that arc, you better find yourself another beta to review it"... yeah neither one of us like the arc. Sorry. Don't worry about Orochimaru… I want Mizuki born. Also the Invasion arc… heheh…**

 **Hamato Leo: Nope, I will be having Hashirama mention being a father but I don't have enough material to go with them. So there will be no side story about them, plus Deidara doesn't care much to ask.**

 **Warning: Violence, deaths, I like to tease you guys, births, friendly reminder that this fic is a yaoi.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto, I'm 39 chapters in and I still have to make a disclaimer.**

* * *

"I knew you would see reason Sasuke-kun, the world will do anything it can to balance itself back to normal." Kabuto smugly rambled about balance and other nonsense as he lead Sasuke to Orochimaru's chambers. While Sasuke had no idea what the hell Kabuto was talking about, he kept himself passive so Kabuto wouldn't figure out his true motives.

It was easy getting Tsunade's permission to go after Orochimaru, as he wasn't Deidara, who was banned from going after the snake thanks to his brother. It even easier to trick Kabuto into thinking he betrayed the leaf, he just needed to borrow Itachi's slashed headband. With Orochimaru being in such a weakened state, Sasuke showing up and offering himself to the snake was… a little too convenient, but they were short on time.

"Orochimaru-sama, Sasuke-kun is here." Kabuto bowed to the bedridden shinobi before leaving to prepare for the transfer, leaving the duo alone.

Silence loomed over the room as Orochimaru observed the boy in front of him. Something wasn't sitting right with the sannin. Three years of trying to get Sasuke and he just suddenly appeared on a silver platter? This was unusual, "It's good to see you, Sasuke-ku-" He was cut off when a beam of lightning stabbed him in the throat, barely missing his windpipe. Looking in the corner of his eyes, he sees Sasuke smirking smugly at him with sharingan blazing.

"Orochimaru… you are weaker than me, and I am going to kill you so you do not cause any more grief for those important to me." He's been wanting to kill Orochimaru ever since he had tried to let Sakura die… seeing Deidara writhe in pain because of this man… that was the last straw, "You should have known that I would never give you my body, your mistake was to mess with the Uchiha clan."

 _After the battle_ ( **AN: The rest of the fight was like in the anime, I'm sorry I'm lazy** )

Sasuke wiped his hands on his pants to get rid of Orochimaru's blood, disgusted at the white snake laying dead before him. Kabuto was petrified on the spot as the Uchiha left the room and pulling out a very familiar notebook, "Now… Suigetsu should be in this hideout." He had stolen Deidara's notebook and used his sharingan to help him translate some of the pages. It was hard due to the blond's penmanship, but he was at least able to note that Karin, this Suigetsu person and one other boy were all in a row right after Sasuke's… many pages.

This guy had to be a person of interest if Deidara had made such a detailed page, even Tenten had a shorter page. Entering the lab, he approached the tube of water, "Suigetsu."

A playful voice rang out in the tube, "Oh? You must be Sasuke. Did you come here to free me?" Of course, the teen was joking. He never expected the one Orochimaru stalked like a creep would even bother freeing him, though it did perk his interest that Sasuke even knew he existed.

"Actually, that is exactly what I was planning." Pulling out his sword, Sasuke slashed the tube open, allowing a very naked Suigetsu to stand up in shock. Okay... He really didn't need to see Suigetsu like this and was suddenly eager to get this guy some clothes.

"Wait… seriously? What's the catch Uchiha?" Suigetsu stared at Sasuke with suspicion, placing his hand on his hip which sadly for the Uchiha, the human eyes naturally lock onto anything that moves.

"My brother-in-law wrote about you in his notebook." Now Suigetsu was dumbfounded at such a… stupid reason, "I will take you to Konoha, do not cause problems for me." Turning at his heel, Sasuke walked off, only to pause when a finger was pressed against his temple, "Space please, you're naked and I'd rather not have to look or feel anything from you."

"Nah ah ah, why should I listen to anything you say, Sasuke?" The teen smirked, thinking he had the upper hand against him. All he needed was a little chakra and there would be a water bullet in Sasuke's head.

"My brother is close friends with one of the last Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, and my brother-in-law is the godfather of the other Swordsman's future child. I know you want to collect the swords, so this is your only chance at meeting them without risk of immediate death." Sasuke smirked when the white haired boy gawked at him openly, "Now please put on some clothes." Where did he see those pants again?

"Hang on a minute! I know about Kisame-senpai, but Zabuza?! How does this in-law of yours know him?!"

"He is rather persuasive. Now come on, I would like to be back in Konoha before the end of the week." Not even looking back, Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets and walks away. Suigetsu remained motionless for a few seconds before running to catch up with him, still naked.

"So… why does me being naked have any issues? You don't like guys, do you- WHAT THE HELL?!" Suigetsu's head repeatedly turned to water as Sasuke whipped out a paintbrush and proceed to beat the devil out of his face, "Why do you have a paintbrush?!"

"I like to paint, be happy it's not a palette knife, Nii-san won't let me take them on missions anymore." Was he… sulking? "And I don't like men, I have a girl in Konoha that I am very much attracted to. I just don't like seeing other men waltzing around for everyone to see." He was a modest Uchiha after all, they never showed skin unless it was a bath. He swears he could hear Deidara snorting into his tea back in Konoha.

Suigetsu was confused, "How can a flimsy knife… nevermind, you smacked my face with a paintbrush." He was almost certain that the guy that freed him was insane. But then again, for all he knew, this might just be the tip of the iceberg.

Also, Sasuke successfully completed his mission in finding Suigetsu clothes, within minutes the teen was under a giant pile of shirts and pants as Sasuke was mercilessly chucking them at him, "Put something on or I'm going to zap you with chidori."

Suigetsu sputtered in frustration, "Do you have a problem with nudity or something?!" His response was a pair of grey pants smacking his face unceremoniously, "Oh hey, these look nice."

 _Two Days Later_

It didn't take long to find the Northern Hideout, all it took was some interrogations from some Oto shinobi and it was a walk in the park... For Sasuke at least.

"Remind me again," Suigetsu takes a long drink from his water bottle, "why we're going after Jugo again? You do know he is a psychopath, right?"

Sasuke holds up Deidara's notebook as he absentmindedly examined his report for Tsunade.

"Of course, a book." Suigetsu throws his arms up in frustration, "I give up trying to find reason within this. Next thing I know, you'll tell me that there is a code behind this 'Deidara' person's logic."

"It's Deidara."

"...Eh?"

"You asked for a code. The code is 'It's Deidara', the Hokages, clan heads and many other officials use it as an excuse for when something odd happens in the village." Poor Suigetsu's brain was nearly fried seeing how serious Sasuke was being, "Come on, we're almost there."

"Gah… are all Konoha shinobi this weird?" Suigetsu rubbed the back of his head in frustration.

Sasuke perked up at the statement, "You met other Konoha shinobi before?" No one has ever told him what happened when he was kidnapped by the Sound Four, so this was possibly his only chance to learn about that event.

The other teen sighed, "Yeah… this weird kid with a stupid haircut, thick eyebrows and always screaming about youth. He got drunk and completely kicked my ass-"

"Wait, the little one or the big one?"

Time paused for a moment, "...THERE'S TWO OF THEM?!"

"Hn."

"... Is everyone in that village insane?"

Sasuke pondered this, which didn't help Suigetsu's fears in the slightest, "Depends… Come on, let's go." He then turned and headed for the hideout, leaving his "friend" in a state of not being sure if he should run away or piss himself… he chose to continue following the Uchiha.

Reaching the hideout, there were dead bodies everywhere and the sound of maniac laughter erupted within the place. Suigetsu stuck close to Sasuke as he passively stepped over, and sometimes on top of, bodies to see a boy with orange hair and a deformed appearance mercilessly kill another inmate.

Jugo paused seeing the newcomers before laughing, "More people to kill!" He charged towards the pair, ready to kill when he saw the dark haired one's eyes turn blood red, and suddenly… his urge to kill was gone. He slowly reverted back to normal, "Ah…. AHHHH!" In panic, he locked himself back inside his cell, guilt ate him alive knowing he had killed the majority of his inmates.

"Jugo, my name is Uchiha Sasuke, I am here to release you from your prison and take you with me to Konoha. Orochimaru is dead and you have no reason to be here anymore." Sasuke hated how stiff he sounded, but this wasn't like talking to Naruto or his brother, this was a teen who was obviously scared out of his mind.

"No! Just leave this door locked and let me die alone! I… I don't want to kill anymore! I don't want to be a monster! This cage is the one thing between me and taking lives!" He curled up in himself, hoping that Sasuke would leave him to rot in this prison.

But Sasuke didn't leave, "You turned to normal thanks to my sharingan… let me be your cage Jugo, and fight with me. I can help you control your power and do more good than harm, I will stop you from killing." Sasuke stared Jugo down intensely, hoping that his little speech will change the ginger's mind. Thankfully, it seemed to have worked as Jugo slowly left the cage and stared at him in awe, "Then it's decided. Come on, let's head to Konoha, I need to report to Tsunade and I miss painting."

Suigetsu sweatdropped for what felt like the 15th time that day, "Do all Uchihas have such terrible choice in priorities?"

Sasuke shrugged, "Not sure, I was raised by an artistic blond whose idea of art was blowing up stuff, who then married my brother and raised my best friend who is a hyperactive dobe that can barely remember things from books."

Make that the 16th time sweat has formed on Suigetsu's forehead.

 _Meanwhile with Deidara_

 **Deidara's POV**

Chop… chop… chop. The rhythm of the knife cutting vegetables is almost calming for me as Anko had a false alarm the other day. Since Itachi is on a mission, I'm at her place and she had some contractions. The only reason why I could tell she was fine was purely because of my sensing abilities and the fact her water hasn't broken yet.

Tossing some vegetables into the pot after it slowly began to boil, Anko called out to me from the bathroom. She was taking a bath before dinner after getting sick on herself from sitting up wrong.

"Hey Dei-chan? Is it normal to pee without needing to pee?"

My chopping slowed to a stop as I raised my head towards the hallway, the cogs in my brain halt. That… kinda sounded normal? If only a little, pregnant women have almost no bladder control. Turning off the stove, I call out to her, "What color is it?"

"It's clear and getting everywhere. Looks like water." Good thing I turned off the stove.

I barge into the bathroom and help Anko into a bathrobe so that way she was at least modest, "Your water broke, un." Mindful of her stomach I help her outside and onto a bird, thankfully in time as she began to have contractions.

"Shit this hurts!" Anko grabs my hand, painfully cutting off all blood flow as I rush us to the hospital. I could see the ANBU I had hired to watch Anko rush to the Hokage tower to alert Tsunade, and two heads of pink and red where on my tail.

"I know Anko, Tsunade will be helping you with the birth, so will Sakura and Karin." Even though I'm calm on the outside, I'm panicking on the inside. My best friend is having TWINS and they are over a month early! It's not even September yet! What's worse is that Itachi isn't here- oh yeah, my husband.

The moment I landed in front of the hospital, Anko was rushed to the delivery wing. Sakura and Karin rushed in, already tying their hair back and barking orders at everyone.

I create a clone, glaring at them intently, "Tell Itachi to get his ass back to Konoha unless he wants to miss the birth of his kids, un!" Mimicking the same expression as me, the clone takes my bird and flies off to Itachi.

Finding Anko's room was easy, I just had to follow the screams. The door was closed and even though I should technically be allowed in there, because it's twins and they are preemies, for Anko's safety I'm to be kept out until it's all over. I can hear Tsunade, Sakura and Karin carefully coach Anko though the birth.

"You're doing well, remember to breath..."

"This fucking hurts you know this?!"

"Sakura, what is the state of the babies?"

"The first one is just going through now, Tsunade-sama. Anko, you need to push."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! IT'S JUST NOW STAR- FUCK! I HATE YOU ALL!"

I think I'm going to vomit then faint. I slowly found myself trying to sink into the wall as guilt ate away at my subconscious. Sure, Anko chose to carry them, but I couldn't help but feel awful that she's in so much pain.

For three hours it was nothing but Anko making sounds of agony and the girls occasionally leaving the room to get something for Tsunade. I caught a quick glimpse of the room and it was rather organized… if you ignored the screaming woman on the bed.

"Dei?" Turning my head, Itachi was a few feet away, completely out of breath and pale, "Have either of them been… I mean… is everything…?"

"She's still pushing on the firstborn, I think it's crowning soon, un." An agonizingly loud cry escaped from Anko in the room following by the sound of a baby wailing its lungs out erupts our ears, "Nevermind, one's born now…"

Karin's pale face pokes out of the room and looks at us smiling, "It's a-"

"Karin! Tsunade-sama needs help with the other baby!" The door was then slammed shut in our faces.

Thank Kami Itachi is right there next to me, I nearly lost my legs and is now clinging to him like a lifeline, "How are you so calm, Itachi?"

I feel his face nuzzle into my hair with a smirk, "I was there when Sasuke was born… while this is different, these are our children… I know that Anko has some of the best medical kunoichi in the village with her, she's fine… the twins are fine."

"They're early though!" It felt like the room was shrinking around me as I began to hyperventilate, "What if they don't survive?! What if something happens to one of them?! What if-"

Itachi quickly pulls me into a tight hug, "Shhhh… breath my love… they will be okay… trust me." For the next 15 minutes, we stayed like this, Itachi slowly rocking me as I focused solely on my breathing.

Until another cry was heard.

This one was a different pitch, and it sounded healthy like the previous cry. Looking towards the door, this time it was Tsunade holding it open for us with a tired smile on her face, "They're waiting for you…"

I briskly walk past Tsunade and into the room with Itachi on my heel, I examine the room. Anko was nursing a bundle in a soft yellow blanket, sweat covered and looks like she's ready to pass out at any moment. Karin was cleaning herself at the sink while Sakura was measuring and cleaning something squirming in front of her.

Anko looks at us limply, giving a tired version of her cheeky grin, "The squishy thing in my arms is a boy… I dunno what the other one is… you wanna hold him?" As if knowing the thing he was suckling on was not his mother, the baby spits out her teat and proceeds to scream.

Acting on pure instinct, I lift the infant out of Anko's arms as she gave him a wtf face, "Shhh… it's okay… I'm here…" I chose to not move, unaware if it would jostle him or not. But it gave Itachi and I the ability to look at our son.

Sometimes, I forget that I'm in an anime. Certain things will bring me back to reality, like the dramatic facial expressions everyone makes, the physics are not quite right… looking at this baby, I got another reality check. He was small, as expected, but he had a full head of crow black hair that fluffed up. Fat red cheeks were wet with tears as he refused to end his lung exercise, his eyes would occasionally crack open to reveal equally dark eyes.

He definitely looked like his father, and he definitely did not want anything to do with me right now.

"Here… let me." Itachi gently takes the baby from my arms, and nuzzles the boy with his nose. As if he pressed a button, the screamingly instantly halted and the exhausted baby stared up at Itachi intensly.

I feel my eye twitch while a snickering Sakura was giving the other baby to Anko to feed. While children and toddlers have an oddly high affinity with me, babies couldn't give a shit if I existed. They never hate me, but I'm usually not their first pick on who they want attention from. It's a kick in the face when my own son pulls a Sasuke and only wants Itachi.

Anko weakly chuckles at my struggles, "Come on Dei-chan, he's most likely spooked. Why don't you hold your daughter instead?" That caught my attention, so a boy and a girl.

Once Anko was certain this baby had enough milk, I was handed a quiet bundle swaddled in a purple blanket. Moving the blanket aside, I was pleased to see grey-blue eyes staring at me droopily. Babies' eye colors usually have a grey tint to them at first, but I can tell she'll inherit my colors. Straight black hair sat messily on her head, and her facial features mirrored her brother's, nose and everything.

I gave Itachi a smile, our twins were beautiful and seemed healthy. Squishy and a little alien looking, but overall beautiful.

Tsunade walked to us with charts, "They're both 45cm and 2.3kg, seems like Anko's diet allowed them to grow at the same rate with only slight differences. They'll need to be incubated for at least a week to make sure everything is okay. I can only give you two enough time to name them, as they'll lose body temperature fast." Itachi and I must have made faces, as she instantly looked guilty about separating the twins from us.

I didn't want to leave them here, neither of us do, but if we didn't it would put the twins at risk. They're preemies, organs are undeveloped and they need to be attended to by medical shinobi to ensure everything was fine.

With reluctance, I look to Itachi so he could do the naming first. I had agreed to let him name either the firstborn if same gender or the son had a scenario like this occurred.

Itachi blinks a few times before giving his undivided attention to the baby nestled in his arms. There was only one name that he wanted to use, and it was one that I not only didn't mind, but I expected him to chose it, "Shisui… Uchiha Shisui." Itachi was Shisui's legacy, and in turn Itachi would make sure his best friend's memory would never die.

The newly dubbed Shisui seemed pleased with the name. He let out a quiet noise before falling asleep, as if he was waiting to be named before letting the exhaustion of just being born took over him. Seems like there is a strong will inside our son.

I was so entranced by the scene that I didn't realize everyone was staring at me, "What?"

Karin snickers behind her hand, "Deidara-san, the baby?"

I feel my eye widen as I looked down at the little girl in my arms, staring at me with expectancy and minor offence, "Ah… Sorry sweetheart!" I adjust her in my arms so she could see me better, babies' eyesight was extremely poor, so to her I must look like a bright yellow blob, "You won't have a name that has some kind of legacy behind it… that's not my style, un. Welcome to the world Minami… Uchiha Minami." Placing a kiss on Minami's forehead, she perked up at the name, making lots of noise and seemed more awake than before.

Sakura tilts her head at the unusual choice of name, "Why that name in particular Deidara-sensei?" I honestly didn't blame her for not understanding.

In Japanese culture, many children are named with some kind of symbolism behind it. A child named Hana may be because they were born when flowers bloom, or Ame when it rained. The kanjis for Minami traditionally means either "south" or "beautiful waves/ocean" and Konoha was nowhere near the waters nor the south in the slightest.

I give Sakura a cheeky grin, "No reason, I just like the name, un." Sakura and Karin gave me deadpan expressions as I picked out the kanji for "beautiful" and "ocean" respectively. Back in my past life, parents in Japan were getting really creative with their children's names. I swear there were at least 10 different ways to spell Sora, much to the dismay of teachers. I wanted to at least make my kid's name readable.

Sakura and Karin sighed, I could tell they were happy I at least picked a nice sounding name. I liked the theme with the twins being connected to waters. Itachi was going with his best friend's spelling, so our son Shisui name meant "death water". In a way we can always argue with stuck up parents that as shinobi, we wanted our children to be as graceful and deadly as the waters.

Anko finally got the chance to drink some water and got our attention with a clearing of her throat, "So… when is round 2?" I had to remind myself I was holding a baby to not shoot my arms in the air.

"Anko, you just gave birth and two kids is enough for us, un." I kiss Minami and Shisui on their heads before we passed the twins to Sakura and Karin. The two leave to put the twins in incubators where they will be monitored until it's time to bring them home.

Anko pushes herself up slightly, much to the annoyance of Tsunade, "Aw come on! That can't be all of the kids you two would want." She pouted at us, as if expected that to work. Sorry honey, you're 19 years too late on that ever working on me thanks to my past life.

"Anko, two is enough for us. I'd rather have these two to give my full love to than have to spread it among other children. Maybe when they're older, Itachi and I will have another child, un." There is also the unspoken fear of what would happen if any of them awaken their mangekyou, I don't want any of them fighting for each other's eyes just to prevent blindness. Neither of us do.

Seeing that she would be unable to argue, Anko sighed in defeat and layed in her bed, "Alright, let me know when you do want more kids though." Her eyes began to droop as exhaustion slowly took over her. I have no idea why she wants more kids to be born, she must like the attention I gave her the past 7 months.

I walk over and kiss her sweaty forehead, "Rest well Anko… thank you… for everything." Itachi and I quietly leave the room so my friend could get her sleep.

Once the door closed, I spin around to hug Itachi, "I love you… we're parents now." I can't believe I'm able to say that now. We're parents. I'm a mother… well, technically a father, either works.

Itachi gently returned the hug, "I love you as well… more than you can ever imagine. Do you think we're ready to be parents?" This of course, caused me to chuckle at such a stupid question, "Right, we wouldn't have kids if there was doubt within us on our parenting skills."

I roll my eye in amusement, "Though Anko would argue against that heavily. Why don't we find our brothers so they can meet the twins, un?"

It took us a good hour to locate Kimimaro and Naruto, Sasuke, for some reason, was not in the village at the moment so he'll have to meet the twins later. Taking my brothers to where the twins were incubated, the two instantly flocked to the machines and stared down at the sleeping pair before them.

Kimimaro, with hesitation, slipped his hands in Minami's incubator to brush a finger against her cheek. Instantly, the little girl gripped his finger with as much strength as a newborn could muster, which wasn't much. I could tell by the glow on Kimi's face that he absolutely adored his new niece, "They're perfect Nii-sama…"

"They look like teme and Itachi though." Naruto was mildly disturbed at how Shisui only stared at him, not making any movements besides breathing, "This one is REALLY like Itachi too." That earned him a pleased gurgle from the baby. Minami in the nearby incubator blinked hearing the odd noise her brother made before passing out again. I forgot all newborns do is sleep, eat, shit and cry.

I shrug while sticking my hand in Shisui's incubator, gently petting his fuzzy hair, "They're newborn, so of course they'll act weird. For the most part, they won't have much of a personality until they are a couple of months old- Shisui, do not look at me like that, it's cute and you know it's true." For an infant, this one seemed to have been born with the infamous Uchiha stare even though he should have zero range of control of himself at this stage. But he then promptly passed out again, so it must have been a fluke.

Naruto gave the boy an odd look before smiling, "Congrats though… Our family keeps getting bigger, dattebayo." I pull him into a hug, then yank Kimimaro into a hug as well, "We'll do everything we can to help you and Itachi raise them right. Like how you raised us."

"Otouto's right, we'll be there for the both of you." I had to smile at how determined these boys are at their new roles as uncles, if only Sasuke could meet the twins now.

The nurses had to kick us out to do their check-up on the twins. So while my brothers went to tell… literally everyone, Itachi and I went home to ease our minds. The babies were safe, and as long as I can sense everything going on in this village, Obito can't go near them. Unlike Kushina, we didn't hide Anko's pregnancy.

Despite being a good cook, I couldn't taste my food, it's like my taste buds decided to take a holiday. Itachi seemed to have the same thought, as everytime he took a bite, he could go crosseyed and glare at his chopsticks. Needless to say my scope made a few clicking noise during the meal, yes I'm still wearing that thing.

"Sorry that dinner sucked, un." I still don't understand why it was so bland. I know I added extra spices this time around. I take off my scope and set it on it's usual shelf so I could start cleaning, the last time I wore that thing while doing dishes I spent a week getting soap marks off the lense.

Behind me, I hear Itachi chuckle before feeling his arms wrap around my waist and is chin resting on my shoulder, "Don't worry about it. It's from the stress of today, our minds refuses to focus on taste…" That make sense, we need a distraction- why is Itachi kissing my neck?

Letting out a chuckle, I tilt my head, "Heh... no fair Itachi, trying to get the upper hand for once, un?" We haven't had any decent… alone time, in the past few months. Usually it was because our house always had someone barging in, or my mind was focused on things besides our love life. We're always too tired to do anything besides cuddle up and talk.

Turning around, I feel my legs become jelly-like when I stare into red pools. I can never get enough of those eyes. To many, the sharingan were a symbol of fear, that seeing them means their immediate death. But not for me. The sharingan meant that I was in safe hands, with the exception of Obito of course.

Itachi's hand ghost across my left cheek, moving my bangs behind my ear and stared at my closed eye. He was asking for my consent. Despite being married for this long, we always make sure to use our signs for consent in order to understand each other. We never express it verbally, as that can be a danger if someone tried to impersonate the other. For Itachi, his sharingan meant his consent as it means he is at his most alert.

For me, it was my left eye.

The one thing that can counter his genjutsu, opening my left eye means that I have full trust in him and that everything I will see is real. The lighting will disorientate me at some point, but we usually keep our room pitch black for this reason.

The moment I opened my eye, our lips joined together like they have so many times before. Always light and gentle, no need to go all out before we even reach our bed. I was always the one to make the first move, the one that guides, that was our rule. Itachi was the one who controlled the bed, but if I wanted it to stop, we stopped. But I missed Itachi, I didn't want us to stop, so I allowed my eyes to close and melt into the kiss as instincts took over our actions.

Itachi's hands found their resting spot on my hips, keeping me steady and in one place while he slowly grew temporary dominance in the kiss. That's fine, I'll make him squirm in due time.

Suddenly annoyed by his hair tie, I snake my hand into his locks, letting my hands weave through it until I found my target. My palm mouth teasingly bit onto the string and slowly pulled it out. Through these movements, not once did I interrupt our kiss or harmed his hair. I opened my eyes to smirk at Itachi's eye roll, use to my constant demands for his hair to be down.

My other hand trailed to his shirt, tugging it slightly as I blew hot air into his ear, "The counter hurts my back, let's move..." I felt extreme pleasure feeling him shudder, knowing I'm the only one that's able to make him this vulnerable. Of course, good things never last.

"Deidara, I have some people I wanted you to mee-...t?" I let out a grunt of annoyance and bobbed my head to the side like miffed owl. My right eye saw Sasuke, standing in the doorway absolutely pale as he realized what he was walking into. My left eye was focused on the obnoxiously saturated colors that were Suigetsu and Jugo.

"Uhhh… Hey ...Sasuke? I think we interrupted something." No shit waterboy, at least Jugo had the decency to have his back facing us.

Slamming my left eye shut, Itachi quickly got off me so I could unleash my wrath. I just wanted one night with my husband, ONE, "Why don't you meet your niece and nephew, Duck-kun? They were just born today you know, and I'm certain they will LOVE to meet your friends, un." My voice became more high pitched with each sentence.

Sasuke audibly gulped, "Uh… O-okay. I… I know I missed their birth… but I..." I see sweat roll down his brow as he was mentally fixing himself. Licking his lips as his soul must have evaporated all the liquid in his throat, "I killed Orochimaru."

Oh, that's why he was gone and my curse mark wasn't hurting anymore? Huh… interesting, "Good for you Duck-kun, you killed a sannin at his weakest." I'll praise him later, I'm mad right now, "Now go meet your niece and nephew. I hope you're prepared to run tomorrow, I have some training ideas you could do, un."

At the promise of "training" Sasuke wilted, grabbed the boys, and dragged them away to not press anymore of my buttons. He may be an all-powerful shinobi and Uchiha, but I raised him to be obedient if my temper asked for it. And right now, it's demanding it.

Quietly fuming, I allow Itachi's hand to lead me to our room, where the lights were soon turned off. I was guided to our bed, and I open my left eye feeling weight crawl on top of me. The only light in the room was Itachi's glowing red eyes, but that was all I needed to see.

"Do not be angry at Sasuke, he didn't know… let us continue. Is that alright… Deidara?"

He only says my full name under circumstances like this, when we were being intimate, or if something was wrong. It was his little pleasure that I didn't understand, but I didn't mind either.

I reach up, blindly finding his hair and gently twirling some around my finger before cupping his cheek, and leading him to a kiss. This was our little ritual, our little game, get lost in the dark of the night and find each other again in the light of day.

"Yes."

* * *

 **Orochimaru had his first death and the twins were born! I was originally just going to have Minami, but I was convinced that having twins would be fun. So I made it a boy and a girl as those kinds of twins can be a blast to write. Also… aren't I a tease? I wanted to give Deidara and Itachi some intimate time together and I felt that it would be fun to hint a lemon. :P**

 **Some of you may be sitting there, scratching your heads wondering why I named the daughter Minami and not an English name or go all Harry Potter on it and name them after a character that dies. The reason is simple: It's not my style. I like the name Minami, I like how it sounds and what it means if you pick the right kanjis. That is a name that I could legit picture myself naming my daughter if I have one. I could, however, picture Itachi naming their son after his best friend, so I stuck with his character and had that happen.**

 **Fair warning (and I will remind you all again next chapter), it's gonna be an emotional rollercoaster the next few chapters. So buckle in and prepare yourself for the emotions.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week!**

 **Bye!**


	41. Death

**Hey guys, early update here! I'm going to be super busy this weekend due to going to a convention and I'm also sick soooooooooo I wanted to have this be posted when I was not as busy. Fair warning: Emotional rollercoaster for the next few chapters, hope you guys have your seatbelts fastened. The ride starts with Jiraiya vs Pein. Also if I screw up something, I will fix it almost instantly. Like I said, I'm sick so mistakes are bound to happen, sorry!**

 **Thank you guys for the fave, follows and reviews! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

 **Amikotsu: Phew, good to know I wrote the romance bit okay enough. I was reading a ton of romance fanfics beforehand and decided to try it out, my beta was so concerned because I usually write fluff. I really didn't have any themes or plans with the babies names being themed, it was more of a "Oh… hey. Beautiful ocean and death water!" kind of moment.**

 **wyattharto8: Awww thanks. I'm already working on a future chapter where we see Deidara acting like a mom and so far it's been a blast writing it. :D**

 **Mad167: I'm going to be honest with you, your suggestion had me try to write that because I had so many ideas that would work for it… I ended up hating the chapter and deleting it. It's really cool, but shortly after Deidara realizes he's in the canon timeline he completely breaks down realizing many that he love and care for (like Kimimaro) are either dead or his enemy. Soooooo while I like the idea, I do not want to break Deidara down with the harsh realities that would imply.**

 **VenaHope: My lips are sealed when it comes to Shisui, gonna have to wait and find out. :P Orochimaru will indeed come back, that dude is like a cockroach, he doesn't die he just deages. I have a theory that everytime he comes back via the curse mark he has the same mentality of when he made the mark, so when he came back briefly using Sasuke's mark he was still crazy and wanted Sasuke's body. On the other hand, Anko's mark was made when he was more interested in knowledge than the sharingan and was more calm back then, so that may explain why.**

 **ElysiumPhoenix: Babies are finally here! Yeah, Sasuke needs to work on his timing, or at the very least learn to knock lol.**

 **cdog1019: It's the Warner Brothers animated movie Anastasia.**

 **Ringo1327: Not gonna say, as I have said before, everyone's fates were determined via coin flip. You'll learn within the next few chapters.**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Yeah I learned a lot about pregnancy, but not many talk about twins. I don't mind the random facts hun, I love learning new things and it makes it all the more fun when something new enters my mind. :3**

 **Joeriezeilay: Thanks for reading! Glad you liked it!**

 **midnight-flurry: Yeah, sadly I didn't want him living to be all sugarplums and rainbows, I wanted some kind of consequence for him living and being paralyzed was the one that made the most sense to me. But at the very least he can live to see his daughter grow up into a fine kunoichi. :)**

 **Yurei Hanatsuki: I may add in a bit later where Kimi meets Jugo. Depends on my mood, but it will most likely happen.**

 **AkabaneKazama: Love your energy and I'm glad you're enjoying the story! Hope you catch up soon hun! :D**

 **shanefrost23: Team Hebi/Taka won't actually be created in this fic, Suigetsu doesn't really care about Sasuke and will stick with Kisame most of the time and Karin is loyal to Deidara and the girls (Hinata, Ino and Sakura) more so than Sasuke. The only one from the original team that will stick with Sasuke is Jugo as he is controlled by Sasuke's sharingan.**

 **Bcp2005: I'll be finished when I'm finished. I still have the war arc and the epilogue to deal with.**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: I'm actually going to have a chapter completely devoted to unused side story ideas after the invasion arc (like how the anime went into flashback land for several episodes) so I will include when Suigetsu actually meets Kisame there. :3**

 **A guide for how I write Pein and his paths:**

 **Deva path/ Pein: Yahiko body.**

 **Petra path: chakra absorb**

 **Naraka path: Summons the freaky demon thing and reanimates other paths.**

 **Animal path: self explanatory**

 **Human path: The one that hits your head and takes your soul. Long haired Pein.**

 **Asura path: Machines. Boom.**

 **I'm going with the english names because the Japanese ones are... yeesh, look them up, I am not going to keep track if I used those.**

 **Warning: Violence, language (I keep forgetting to add that warning), dramatic and emotional moments (not gonna specify due to spoilers).**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto... it would be a lot more tragic if I did.**

* * *

Every day for the past four days I would be with the twins. I would bottle feed them, change them, and help the nurses do their check up. In my past life, this would be impossible, but hey… perks of being an ANBU with some basic medical experience. Each day I could see them getting stronger, well... as strong as newborns possibly could, and thankfully Anko's breast milk was full of nutrients for them thanks to the diet I was making her take. I'm so grateful she agreed to use a breast pump, she apparently hated the feeling of nursing and was more than happy to keep those two away from her nipples. Apparently she's afraid they will bite her... reasonable enough, Shisui didn't seem fond of being near her chest and screamed the first time we tried to get him to nurse.

Suigetsu and Jugo are under constant watch for the time being, after a loooonnnnngggg conversation with Sasuke and Tsunade, things settled down to a basic agreement. Suigetsu is under watch by Kisame while Sasuke was incharge of babysitting Jugo, as he could control the boy. I wasn't surprised at all, I've theorized that the timeline would force itself to be fixed at some point and it was only a matter of time I would meet those two teenagers. I'll most likely message Zabuza in seeing if he would want to pass down his sword techniques to the water boy, if Zabuza doesn't want him I think Kisame was interested in training the boy.

Now I just need to figure out how to make sure Orochimaru doesn't turn into a crazy asshole if he comes back. Kabuto's gone under the radar so he'll be using edo tensei soon, if not already.

"Congratulations. Not many can brag having twins." Looking up while burping Shisui, I see Jiraiya leaning against the doorframe. He had a peaceful grin on his face, but his eyes spoke another language…

"Thank you Jiraiya-sama, not many can brag being married to an Uchiha either, un." I chuckle softly, pleased hearing Shisui burp. Setting him in his incubator, I step out of the room and the hospital with Jiraiya, "What are you up to?"

I hear Jiraiya gulp as my tone dropped the motherly act, "Ah… heheh… not one to waste time huh?"

"And you're one known for wasting others' time, specifically my brother's, un."

The sannin deadpans, "Touché… I'm going to Amegakure." He cannot be serious… a pause… nope, no grin. He's serious.

Incoming unhappy Deidara.

"You have got to be joking. You… I told you who the leader of the Akatsuki was, I translated that part of my notebook and sent it to you! Why would you go there?! Are you stupid, un?!" My voice began to crack as I was now screaming in his face, smacking the back of my hand with my palm in emphasis. People would pause to see the commotion, but quickly walked away realizing it was me.

Jiraiya holds his hands in front of him in surrender, "Look kid, I know the leader is Nagato… but, I have to go. As his former teacher, it is my job to take down my former students before they do more harm." Yep, he's stupid.

"This isn't just about being his teacher isn't it? It's for your stupid pride and grief over Orochimaru's death, un!" Jiraiya stared at me slack-jawed, "Nagato won't drop his goals for you! If you go to Ame, you'll die. End of the line. You'll… you… already know this… I told you..."

Jiraiya refuses to meet my eye, "I have to go and face Nagato. I want Naruto to take my legacy, and you might be missing some information on the rinnegan."

No I'm not! I know Pein's abilities! Why is he so stubborn?! "Fine… then I'm going with, un." Damnit, I am not going to lose Jiraiya, doesn't matter how important his death was to Naruto's growth.

Jiraiya's face hardened, "No. This isn't your fight. Stay out of it Deidara, focus on your family… your children and Naruto."

I shake my head stubbornly, "You have got to be kidding me if you think I'm just gonna let you waltz over to Pein and di-"

I didn't even realize Jiraiya moved until darkness consumed me.

 _Several hours later_

When I came to, Itachi was preparing one of my pouches. Odd. Sitting up, I rest my forehead in the palm of my hand, "Ugh… Itachi…?"

"I can't stop you from going after Jiraiya, but promise me that you'll back off if things get too rough." He looks at me with pleading eyes as he hands me my pouches. Filled with clay, explosive tags and scrolls, "Pein will not take your appearance kindly…"

I stare at the pouches in amazement, I was expecting an argument with Itachi, or him at least trying to hold me back. I guess… he understands. Getting on my knees I plant a kiss on his cheek, "I promise… I'll use jutsu that will keep me at a safe distance, un." It pained me to see the expression on Itachi's face, it was the embodiment of worry… but… I had to try.

Making the fastest bird I possibly could, I fly off to Amegakure. It wasn't raining like normal, so that means Pein and Jiraiya were fighting somewhere. An explosion in the distance gave away their location, which was the tallest tower in the village.

Flying overhead, I can see Jiraiya missing an arm and the 6 Peins all standing in front of him like the badasses they were. Petra path looks up at me, causing deva path, aka Pein, to also look at me. Within seconds, I had 10 rinnegans staring at me, the last 2 eyeballs were focused on Jiraiya to make sure he didn't escape or attack.

"I should have expected you to show up, Deidara."

Jiraiya shoots his head up seeing my bird as well, "What the hell are you doing here kid?!" The elder toads were looking at Jiraiya like he's gone crazy, but they were also lost as to who I was. It took them a moment to realize I was the one the toad sage spoke about in the past.

"Gotta make sure my brother's godfather stays alive, un!" With dramatic flare, I leap off the bird to slam my hand on the water, "Summoning jutsu: edo tensei!" Jiraiya froze as coffins appear on either side of me, lids slowly falling and the sound of armor clinging rang in everyone's ears.

"You… you've used that forbidden jutsu? Why would you use such a forbidden technique…?" His shoulders slack when Tobirama and Hashirama step out of the coffins, "The Shodai and Nidaime Hokage… to think I'd meet them in my lifetime."

Tobirama stared up at the 6 paths in contemplation, "What is going on here, Deidara?" He glares down at me, obviously wanting answers. Hashirama was more interested in Jiraiya though, eyes lighting up in realization.

"Ooooh! You're Hiruzen's student and Tsuna's friend! The perverted one!" That… made me chuckle, if only for a moment as Jiraiya momentarily made a doom cloud.

I would have answered Tobirama's question, had it not been for the familiar sound of fluttering paper heading in my direction. I though Konan left the area after animal path washed away the oils on her? "They all share their fields of vision with each other, the fat one absorbs chakra. Good luck, un." Leaping back onto my bird, I made sure to keep my patterns wild as Konan gave chase.

I glared at the hundreds… no… thousands of papers flying at me, trying to learn a pattern that never existed, "Come on Konan! Why are you and Nagato working with that guy? He's using you both! If something happens to either of you, he'll just dispose of the other and take Nagato's eyes for himself, un!" Now I was not only picking up speed, but I was ripping off any paper that got on me and was dodging the chaos down below, barely missing many of the jutsus that strayed towards me. Well, the Hokages' jutsus were strays... not so sure about the others.

While Jiraiya was preparing his jutsu to capture a path, the Hokages were working on learning Pein's patterns. Deva and naraka path kept their distance while petra path was going ham on the chakra absorption. Hashirama was more on the observation side while Tobirama was spamming jutsu after jutsu, good thing we're on water.

'Wait a minute… 1… 3… 5… where's human path?!' My heart stopped when I realized what Pein was doing, he was distracting the Hokages! This was a bad idea, Hashirama can't use woodstyle here, there wasn't any earth*, "Release!"

Just as human path emerged from the water behind Hashirama, I trapped the brothers in their coffins. Due to the speed of which the coffins popped up, human path's chin collided with the wood at a force in which any living human would have broken their jaw, but in his case it was just a very satisfying thunk sound. Jiraiya had vanished from sight and now all the Peins were watching Konan continue her relentless chase towards me. I was completely covered in paper cuts, which will hurt like a bitch when the adrenaline leaves me, but at least Pein didn't get near my Kages.

… Yep, I'm possessive.

Getting dizzy from all the loops I've had to do to avoid this woman, I try again, "Listen Konan, I don't want to fight you," mostly cause you're kicking my ass, "but I also don't want Jiraiya to die. Please just let me leave with him and I'll keep away from this village, I'll even trade information that would be valuable to the Akatsuki, un!" I couldn't handle the idea of Jiraiya dying, it was bad enough when I watched it for the first time in the anime… this time I've befriended him and got to know him as a real person. I don't want to lose him.

Again, she said nothing and kept her attacks, earning me more cuts and her own paper starting to turn red with my blood. Damn, I'm not going to have a repeat of my encounter with Hidan, I need to get us away from Amegakure.

Hearing the sound of something going under, I notice animal path has vanished. Thankfully, Konan stopped attacking me, so I allowed myself to breath out my relief, "Thank Kam- YIPE!" I had to literally do a barrel roll off my bird when human path decided to drop by for a visit. With Jiraiya currently missing in action, I was Pein's object of attention at the moment. He seemed more focused on getting human path close to me… meaning he's aiming to kill.

Needless to say, I needed an adult… specifically one with sharingans.

Laced with sarcasm I slam my hand in the water after weaving hand signs, "Alright chakra, you know what I fucking want, give me the lord of poofs and his brother, un." Two new coffins appeared, once again catching deva path's attention.

"You are rather open with your jutsus, it's a shame that such talent was not able to join the Akatsuki." To be frank, if I had joined the Akatsuki, everyone would be dead and you all would have won before Naruto became a genin, "But that never happened, instead, we are enemies. Shinra tensei!"

Pein's jutsu force me back to the point where I slammed into the metallic walls of the Akatsuki base. The coffins remained unmoved… until Madara kicked the door open due to me yelping in pain from impact. Izuna was more graceful, sliding the lid open then stepping out onto the water.

Madara observed the five in front of him with a calculating gaze, "Ah… The rinnegan, such memories… there's only 5 paths." He looks around before looking at me, for a split second his face was laced with concern, "Are you okay?"

I groan as I feel the bruising already forming on my shoulders, "Yeah, I'm okay... Jiraiya-sama took animal path under with him, I need you two to help keep Pein busy so I can get him out of here, un." I look over to see Pein staring at Madara in… interest? It's hard to get a read on a corpse.

I could practically feel Nagato oozing out his discomfort and overall confusion from his hiding spot. Hell, I would too if my enemy suddenly summoned someone that was supposed to be my boss… holy shit alliteration at its finest.

After a brief pause, deva and petra path stepped in front of the Uchiha brothers while the rest stayed back. Oh, so now that they have sharingan you're gonna keep human path away? Thanks a lot Nagato! I quickly returned to the safety of my bird as all hell broke loose below me. Thankfully for my already cut-up skin, Konan was nowhere in sight.

Madara didn't see the point in using Susano-o in this fight, so he just danced around the paths to look for an opening to naraka path which was kept far away from him. Izuna was more interested in petra path, trying to see if there was a limit in how much chakra can be absorbed. I don't blame either of them for treating these fights like a game, Madara knows more about the rinnegan than anyone here and Izuna… he's just cocky in general, it's how he died in the first place. Not to mention both are in their prime with no limit on chakra… They're fine.

Satisfied in seeing that Madara was keeping the other paths away from me, I focus my scope onto the waters in hopes of finding Jiraiya. If the man was smart, he would have fled by now, but lo and behold, I see white hair begin to poke out of the water. Asura path was also gone but the Uchiha's were too distracted by their opponents, Pein was watching Jiraiya from the distance. I quickly make a nosedive for Jiraiya, "Get out of the water!"

It was too late, asura path launched Jiraiya out of the water, crushing his throat in the process. Pein took the opportunity to use shinra tensei on the brothers, sending them back as far as he possibly could while the other paths launched at Jiraiya. I twists my birds body to hover above the water as I watched in horror as Jiraiya was stabbed with chakra rods, asura path aiming his missile filled arm at me to keep me away.

The anime came to me like a series of flashbacks, why was this happening? Why did Jiraiya come here in the first place? He had no reason to come here. Was this just the stupid Universe reminding me that I wasn't some god that can change every little detail? Because I'm not, I'm human and I'm stubborn enough to where I'll change as much fate as I can. I'm not going to lose Jiraiya...

I drop a series of C1's to get the paths away from Jiraiya, "Guys! A diversion please, un!"

Madara looked to his brother, who nodded and the two weaved a set of… very iconic hand signs, "Fire style…"

Izuna finished the second half, "Great fireball jutsu!"

Like hellfire had a spitting contest with itself, a wall of flames blocked the paths from myself and Jiraiya. I couldn't see what was going on from their side but I didn't care. I carefully pulled Jiraiya onto the bird along with the elder toad. We were in the air just as Pein used shinra tensei to disburse the flames.

The Uchiha brothers unsummoned themselves as a I picked up speed on heading to Konoha. I pull out the scroll Itachi packed me and open it, relieved that it's full of medical supplies. Taking my ribbon, I undo my hair and quickly retie it back completely, giving me an Edward Elric kind of look.

"Fukasaku-sama, please guide me in how to patch Jiraiya-sama up, un." I needed to move fast if I wanted to stop the bleeding. The elder toad quickly began instructing me in pulling out the rods and pressing cloth over the holes to cover them. But Jiraiya was giving me a look I didn't like, he was starting to lose conscious.

My heart rate increased, "Jiraiya stay with me you idiot, don't you dare pass out on me! You have to stay awake!" I press more on the wounds, careful of his lungs, I'm certain one of them collapsed during the stabs, "If you can't stay awake for me, then do it for Naruto!"

"Deidara-chan!" Fukasaku tried to scold me for something, but I kept going.

"You can't miss out Naruto's life, you're his godfather! You need to be the one to see him off when he marries Hinata! Be there when he has his brat of a son and his powerful and beautiful daughter! He becomes Hokage just like his father, the Nanadaime Hokage! He gets this stupid haircut and everything, you need to be alive to see it, un!" I watch Jiraiya give me a smile, as if thanking me, his eyes becoming dull.

"You can't die, damn you! Do you hear me?! We're almost to Konoha, Tsunade can heal you! I'm not going to lose you because the timeline is trying to fix itself! I-"

"Deidara-chan!" The toad puts his hand over mine, slowly shaking his head, "Jiraiya-chan is already…"

I place two fingers against his neck… no pulse… I hit pressure points, no reaction. No breath... no blinks… nothing. My hands shook as they slowly crawled up my face, tears were leaking from my eyes as my mind burned the image of his dying expression into my memories.

'No… nonononononono… why? Why? Why did he give up? Why did he… he…'

ANBU came running as my agonizing scream reached the borders of Konoha and beyond.

 _Sometime later_

'I can't look at him…'

I was now at the hospital, Sakura was healing injuries I had gotten, but I'm certain that I'm in the wrong room. There were two tables in front of me, one held the burnt body of the animal path, being heavily examined by Shizune and some other medical shinobi. The other table… had Jiraiya. Tsunade and Naruto were standing by the table looking at him. Sasuke and Kimimaro were also in the room, keeping close to Naruto and ready to give support if needed, Itachi was standing next to me.

I couldn't look at my brother, those dull blue eyes staring blankly at his godfather. I couldn't look at anyone, not Naruto, not Itachi, not even Tsunade. I just kept my eyes locked on the animal path, as that was the only thing in here that was void of judgements or thoughts.

"Deidara-nii… why did pervy sage die?" I flinched hearing how hollow Naruto's voice was, he sounded like his spirit was broken at this point… I don't blame him if that is the case.

"... He insisted on facing the leader of the Akatsuki alone… I joined in the middle of the battle… I…" I bow my head, everything, even gravity felt heavy all of the sudden, "I'm sorry Naruto… I don't know why he went there in the first place, un."

"I should have gone with him." I feel Naruto's anger wave throughout the room, "I should have fought the Akatsuki leader beside him!" Out of anything he could have said… that was the most childish thing possible.

Lifting my head up, my face twists into a glare, "Naruto, at your state you would have been a hindrance for Jiraiya and would have gotten captured by the Akatsuki. The last thing he would have wanted would be for his godson to die all because of his actions." Naruto mirrored my glare, the tension in the room rose to the point where it was nearly suffocating, neither one of us backed down from the other's stare, "Do you really think you could have taken down Pein? Jiraiya had sage mode, I had jutsus you couldn't even image were under my belt, neither of us were any match for him. What could you have done that didn't involve you using the Kyuubi, un?"

Even with his abilities to use seals, even if by chance Sasuke was with him, he wouldn't survive against Pein if petra path was around to absorb every jutsu out there. Without nature chakra, Pein is all but untouchable when the other paths were with him.

"Then why didn't you take him away?! I know you have the ability to completely wipe someone from existence! Your C4 could have killed him, why didn't you use that, dattebayo?!" Naruto's face turned red as he yelled at me, fists clenching up.

My lips pull into a snarl, "Did it ever occur to you, Naruto… that I am not someone who will kill my enemies at a given notice? I have my reasons for not killing them, I wanted Jiraiya alive as much as anyone else… but those two… It's the same reasons as why I kept Sasori alive." They deserve another chance at life, one free from Obito and Zetsu's manipulation.

"So you chose them over pervy sage…" My mind goes blank at Naruto's words… did I really…?

Suddenly, Naruto stormed out of the room, as he turned I saw tears begin to leak from the corner of his eyes, Sasuke looked at me in interest, "You're not going to go talk to him?" Even Tsunade broke out of her daze to look at me.

I shake my head, brushing off Sakura's comforting hand to stand up, "To be frank Sasuke, I'm the last person he would want to see right now, un." All I wanted to do now was throw up, so I did. I pushed Kimimaro, who had approached me, away and ran for the bathrooms as the pressure in the back of my throat built up. I barely made it in time to lose my lunch and whatever bile was in my gut. After several minutes of nothing but vomiting and yelling in anger, I begin washing my mouth out in the sink. Everyone remained in the autopsy room, wanting us both to have our space.

Well, almost everyone was giving us space.

"You can't blame Jiraiya-sama for his actions… nor should you blame yourself for his death." Tilting my head to the left, I see Kakashi leaning against the sink counter, reading his book as if nothing happened, "Death is inevitable and he chose this path."

I rub my eyes, "But why would he go to Amegakure? I told him everything to know about Pein and Konan, he knows that they're his students and he knew that if he went there he would die! Why would he be so reckless?!" I look to Kakashi, hoping for answers or guidance from him. If he hadn't gone to the village, I wouldn't have had to make the choices I did, and he would still be alive.

Kakashi sighed and closed his book, "Put yourself in his shoes, what if that was Naruto and Sasuke? What would you do?"

I scoff, "They would never betray the villa-"

"Minami and Shisui."

I pause as Kakashi locked his eye with mine, neither of us moved as the two names sinked into my head. Minami and Shisui were babies, barely able to keep their eyes open for a few minutes. Was he seriously suggesting…?

"You're treading dangerous waters there, Hatake…" Fibers of marble and wood started splitting off the counter from my grip, slowly tightening on the material as rage was building up.

Kakashi didn't back down, "I am, and I'm asking you to think about this. If your son and daughter betrayed the village, and were considering destroying it and taking over the world just like the Akatsuki… what would you do? Allow them to run free?"

I couldn't move, and stayed in my spot for a long time as Kakashi stared at me, waiting for a response. The idea was… in all honesty… not impossible. I cannot predict my children's lives like I could with everyone else, what would I do…? My body began to shake as I started to understand Jiraiya more. He was the one that trained the Ame trio, left them to fend for themselves and in some ways is what built the Akatsuki. He didn't make the organization of S-ranked criminals, but he trained the leaders of a rebel group that became manipulated by those with evil intentions. Jiraiya didn't go because of pride or because of the idea that he was their teacher it was his responsibility to stop them.

He blamed himself for the Akatsuki's birth… he wanted redemption for his choices….

Kakashi rested his hand on my head as I had gone silent, "I understand that you want to change things… but some things cannot be changed even if you tried."

"I didn't try hard enough." Kakashi tilts his head, "I could have killed Konan, and Pein… but I… I couldn't… I didn't want to… I… I…" I chose them over Jiraiya, I chose two people who keep wanting to kill me over my own brother's godfather.

"You're beginning to break down, breathe Deidara." Kakashi coaxes me to return my breathing to normal, "You didn't want to kill them, there's no shame in that. Now… tell me, Jiraiya-sama died smiling… what did you tell him?"

My head bowed low, hair completely covering my face, "That Naruto gets married… has kids… becomes Hokage…"

"Then he allowed himself to go knowing that Naruto had a bright future ahead of him."

He was right, what could I have done to prevent his death? Even with the edo tensei, it's no match for the rinnegan and the 6 paths, Madara didn't even have the rinnegan in that fight. Unless I kill Nagato, there's really no way to kill Pein and I… I just couldn't kill them… even at the cost of Jiraiya's life.

"I'm sorry… I'm so… so sorry…" Tears leaked from my eyes as Kakashi pulls me into a hug, "I'm so sorry!" My tears became uncontrollable sobs as my voice wailed out in heartache. I can't pick both options anymore, I can no longer end a battle with both living. Like with Asuma, to keep him alive I had to kill Hidan and Kakuzu. For in the hopes of Nagato and Konan surviving, Jiraiya's fate remained unchanged, but even then I'm at the risk of losing them too. I wasted the perfect chance of saving Jiraiya over selfish desires.

After a moment, Kakashi removed himself from me and a new body took his place. The smell of miso and similar height allowed my overworked mind to register that I was hugging Naruto, Iruka remained in the hallway, having been the one to go comfort Naruto. I hug him tighter, like a lifeline, my face buried itself in his shoulder as a new wave of tears came out.

"I'm sorry Naruto… I'm sorry that I'm a selfish, stupid human that tries to play god. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep Jiraiya alive… I'm so sorry for failing you-"

Naruto cuts me off by gently placing his hand on top of my head, "It's not your fault, you can't undo your choices. I wanted... I wanted him to see me become Hokage. But.. I can't blame you for his death… thank you... for trying and bringing him home, Deidara-nii." He nuzzles his face against the side of my head, causing more sobs to escape my throat. But as I held my brother, a new thought occured.

Jiraiya's body is in Konoha… he's in Konoha… his DNA is not at the bottom of the ocean.

Snapping my head up, reason and logic leave my body as I tore away from Naruto and ran to the autopsy room. I slam the door open, making everyone jump from shock, I must look insane right now but I didn't care.

"Destroy Jiraiya's body! Now!"

Tsunade look to me in confusion an grief, "He should be buried. Why would we destroy his body?" I didn't care if Team 7 was within hearing range anymore. If the timeline wanted to be the same for this, then I'm gonna make damn certain it stays the same completely!

"Kabuto is creating an army of reanimated corpses, Jiraiya's body is suppose to be in the bottom of the ocean right now! If his body remains here then Kabuto could bring him back, un!" Naruto had froze in his place right behind me, while Kimimaro's eyes lit up in realization. Sakura wasn't sure what to think of my claims, and Sasuke was quick to prepare a fireball jutsu without question.

But Sasuke didn't need to worry about that though. One familiar shing later and Jiraiya's body was enveloped in black flames. Itachi's eye bled as the flames ate away at the body. Everyone stood there gaping as after a minute, it was like there was nothing there anymore. Amaterasu ate it away, ash and all.

At first, Naruto's face twisted in anger… but then confusion, "How… do you know that he's doing something like that? Why did Itachi followed what you said without hesitation? What the hell is going on Deidara-nii, dattebayo?!"

It's too late for regret, too late to back out of what I just said, it's time to tell them the truth. If Kabuto starts making his moves now, I need their full cooperation in order to beat and hopefully kill that slimy wannabe serpent.

"I am-"

"Hokage-sama!" No… I'm not the Hokage?

We turn our head to see an ANBU appear in front of Tsunade, by his body language, something was wrong. At first, he seemed hesitant to tell her the news with so many witnesses here, but I recognized him, he was on my squad. Flashing him a sign, he gives me a brief nod before continuing his report.

"We have received word that team b has gone missing, and at the same time several graves have been broken into. We sent another team in and all they could find were signs of snakes."

Everyone froze on the spot as they all looked at me, team 7 had expressions that demanded answers, and I'm more than willing to share. They're ready now. Kimimaro has been ready for years now, but he hasn't not bothered questioning me, not since our first encounter with Kabuto when I promised to tell him the truth when I killed him… He's alive… but I didn't want to exclude Kimi from this.

"I am a soul reborn in a body that was not originally mine… and I have knowledge of a timeline… a 'future' that I have been changing from day one."

* * *

 **I'm so sorrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy TT-TT my beta and I spent a long time trying to decide Jiraiya's fate, and even after we decided, we were still debating on how this would go. Using the edo tensei summons could have easily saved Jiraiya, but logically speaking I would have to kill Pein and Konan in the process, and I didn't want them to die at this point. (I am still not going to say if they live or die yet) I'm sorry if anyone disagrees with my choices, but this is my story and I will write it how I see fit; I do not want this to be one of those stories where every time Deidara tries something, it ends with him succeeding, that is not how life works.**

 **On a side note: Deidara will not use edo tensei to bring Jiraiya back, not only would that disrespect Jiraiya finding peace with himself, but also because he would not like being brought back in such a jutsu. Madara and the others don't mind because they know that once Deidara is done, he would release his hold on them and they want to see what this generation has in store for them.**

 **If anyone has noticed, I keep on mentioning that the timeline is fixing itself. I am a believer that even if you travel back in time to change something, another new event will happen later on to create a similar moment or have it happen regardless. The prime example is how Sasuke and Jiraiya still followed similar paths fighting Orochimaru and Pein, but for different reasons compared to the anime. This is why some arcs (like the Sora arc) happened and for the most part stayed the same, but with changes in it (like him getting captured by the Akatsuki). The timeline is not trying to revert back to its original form, but it is trying to get some events to happen in order to remain balanced. Sorry if this is confusing, but it's my explanation for why some things changed while others didn't.**

* Note that in the anime, we never see Yamato or Hashirama use woodstyle in any location that does not have at least some earth/stone. I do not think that it can be used in a place like Ame because in the locations they are fighting, it is just water and metal.

 **Next chapter is the invasion… that's gonna be fun. I'm breaking that arc into two chapters… so yeah. Spoiler alert: Cliffhanger next week.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next weekend with a chapter I have been prepping since late December.**

 **Bye!**


	42. Pain

**Okay I'mma just say this right away before you read the chapter and flip out: Double post this week! I'll be posting the next chapter later today! :D**

 **Anyway, I have had this chapter planned out since the middle of friken December. I've been slowly adding onto it and editing as new changes to the story arrives, but the biggest focal point has remained the same since the beginning… Please don't hate me… actually, I'll still be laughing sadistically no matter what.**

 **Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews, I'm glad to know people hate cliffhangers as much as I do!**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Yeah Itachi and Kimimaro are safe from death in this fic, but writing Jiraiya's death was pretty hard. I went through several variation before getting the version I was happy with.**

 **Ringo1327: Jiraiya is one of those characters that I really struggled with handling, cause there was stuff I wanted to do and also things I knew I would not be able to do, so I had to chose. You'll see how Deidara handles telling them the truth in this chapter! :D Don't worry about asking too many questions, I just won't answer most of them to avoid spoilers. I'm glad that you've enjoyed this story so far, what became a side hobby has now become a passion project for me and I'm grateful that I have all you guys supporting me. :)**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: The fact everyone is upset about the cliffhangers makes me laugh sadistically to myself. I had so much fun at my convention, even though I sounded like a horse the entire time lol.**

 **Evilshallprevail: I know, considering Kimimaro is usually the one that is able to keep Deidara calm, but this whole ordeal hit him way too hard this time.**

 **VenaHope: I sent you a PM but I'm not sure if you got it, but I reanimated Izuna in chapter 36 at the request of Madara.**

 **Tawnypelt37: Sorry I made you cry, to be honest I'm really desensitized by his death by now… I guess I just never really bonded with that character like I did with others. (Actually Jiraiya being dead was one of the first things I learned about the show thanks to how I was introduced to the series.)**

 **cdog1019: Using his arm is indeed a valid thing that he could do, but there would not be enough to use against Pein, not to mention it could easily be deflected as the guy would see it coming. Also, I never watched the boat arc so I'm not including that as canon for my fic, not to mention I am pretty sure he channeled his chakra on the boat so he could use it.**

 **: Those are some pretty old chapters, so most of that stuff already has happened a long time ago in the fic. The SI was extremely cautious at that time and it isn't until the last… meh, 15 or so chapters have they become open with the whole "By the way… this is gonna happen next." stuff. Also the Nagato thing wouldn't work, because Jiraiya never talked about those students to anyone but Tsunade and Orochimaru because he thought they died a long time ago.**

 **setokayba2n: Sadly with the way I had written this chapter out, it has a cliffhanger. Sorry. True, Deidara could have used that, but he was distracted by the fact that everyone and their best friend was trying to kill him and Jiraiya.**

 **Ninja of Mojito: I'm glad you're liking the story! Double post this week! Woohoo!**

 **eyann85: Thanks for giving my story a chance though, I know you won't see this but I do end up stop using AN in the middle. But since it's a long process to get to that point, I wouldn't want you to force yourself just for that. ^^ Thank you for the support!**

 **MLOM: Stabby stab! :D Mwahahahahaha! Zetsu is in fact alive, he's only encountered Deidara once so he is still around… for now. Frankly the S rank criminal thing is nothing at this point, Deidara collects them like a 9 year old collects pokemon cards. You'll just have to see what I do with them in these next two chapters.**

 **Guest: Challenge accepted.**

 **Liam: You and Guest the same person? Or do great minds just think alike? Sorry if the cliffhangers get a little annoying, the story doesn't flow right if I put something at the end to bring closure, especially if I continue an arc within two chapters.**

 **Kashin: Nope. Don't plan on reading Boruto anytime soon with all the stuff I'm hearing about it, plus Kishimoto isn't even drawing the mangas anymore so I don't see the point in it.**

 **crazby: Wow… you are almost as sadistic as me… I like it.**

" _Blah"_ \- Flashback quotes… you'll see.

 **Warning: Language, violence, character death, emotional breakdowns… all the fun stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

"You're… what?"

I bite my lip as Naruto was slowly sputtering unfinished sentences, trying to rope around what I had just told him. Slowly, I look up to Itachi with a small smile, "Is it okay if… you know…"

Itachi smiles before nodding to my unspoken question, "Everyone but team 7, Kimimaro and Deidara please close your eyes." Thankfully, everyone obeyed as Itachi activated his mangekyou once again to place us all in Tsukuyomi.

Feeling more relaxed with the change in scenery, I look to the confused chibis rubbing the back of my head sheepishly, "It's better if I show you parts of the… original timeline, un." Before I show them my memories, I briefly mention to them about my past, how this world was a popular anime in my world and how I grew up watching their world play out in front of me. I also warned them to stay away from my memories that had fanfictions or fanarts… but then again we have an Uchiha in the mix… so he's gonna snoop.

Throughout the whole thing, Kimimaro has remained quiet, until now, "Nii-sama… please do not show me what I would have been in this other time. I… I don't want to imagine what my life would have been like than what I have right now, the life I'm happy with." He looks at his feet, almost expecting me to be mad at him. He looked at me in surprise when I pulled him into a tight hug.

"It would have hurt me more if you knew… some things are best left unsaid and unknown." Kissing the side of his head, I let Itachi poke into my memories, "I think… you all should see one of the biggest changes… by me existing…"

 _One Tsukuyomi hour later_

I observe the four of them watch in horror as my memories played out the Sasuke vs Deidara fight. This was what happened next in that time after Orochimaru's death, so I felt it was appropriate to show them this fight in particular. Halfway through the fight Itachi had left to watch other memories of mine, not wanting to see more of the original Deidara's insanity. Everyone else had… interesting reactions.

"So… Deidara-nii really was a member of the Akatsuki… and he died in this fight..."

"I prefer Deidara-sensei as he is now… this one is scary and insane…" Thanks Sakura, I appreciate the sentiments.

"There are a lot of issues with this fight… Nii-sama shouldn't be losing in this battle, at the very least he should have noticed those flying shurikens. Something tells me everyone in the Akatsuki lost their common sense at some point..."

"What the hell am I wearing?"

I proceed to choke on air after hearing Sasuke's comment, "Y-you see… This is is why I've controlled what you all wear these past years, the clothes you wear now are an improvement. That outfit is what you would have worn if you trained with Orochimaru… Kami only knows what it took to convince you to wear something that exposed your chest 24/7, un."

Sasuke scoffed, watching the other him get eaten away by C4, waving his hand dismissively, "There is no way I would wear something like that…"

"Reminds me of a stripper, dattebayo."

Everyone was now staring at Naruto blankly… how does he…? Nevermind, sexy jutsu and I never restricted what he read after the age of 13.

Now I had to hold in my laughter as my Sasuke looked like he wanted to punch the other Sasuke in the mouth as the original Deidara just finished yelling at him. I don't blame him either. It's amazing how a small change in attitude could make me absolutely adore the Uchiha in front of me, while simultaneously wanting to murder the exact same person on the screen, "Are there any other things you want to see?" Incoming original Deidara blowing himself up… oooooh, bad timing.

Everyone pauses and exchange glances with each other, Kimimaro was the first to shake his head, followed by Sakura and then the boys. Naruto spoke for the four of them, "I… If showing us more proof leads to… seeing things like this… I don't think any of us want to know more. We believe you Deidara-nii, dattebayo."

But after those words were uttered, Sakura's eyes lit up, "Are there any memories of Sasuke-kun as a baby?" Sasuke's face turned bright red the moment I grew a devilish grin, oh how I love my student.

"Itachi~ Please play that scene where Izumi held Duck-kun for the first time, un!"

 _Several Tsukuyomi hours later_

When Itachi finally broke the genjutsu, everyone but Kimimaro had faces that could be mistaken for tomatoes, "I told you all not to go near the fanart, you are sooooooo lucky it was my mind that you snooped, un."

"Why… why was there… why would Teme and I…? I mean, he likes Sakura-chan… why were there no…? And why were you with… why was there so much of you with that puppet guy and the masked guy… I thought you hated him? WHY DID I KEEP SEEING YOU AND ITACHI?! I DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT, DATTEBAYO!"

Sakura was giggling her head off to the point where she was leaning on Sasuke for support. When Tsunade and Shizune questioned what she saw… she just kept giggling, "I-I'm going to go… heehee… talk to pffff… Karin and Ino… Bye!" The kunoichi ran out the room before any of the boys could stop her.

I allowed the boys to recover from the shock, it honestly did not take long as Naruto found himself staring at the animal path, his facing going from red to pale in a matter of minutes. Clearing my throat, I get their attention, "It's getting late, we should all go home now, un." Just as I was going to help Itachi up, Naruto tugged on the hem of my shirt and stared at me with sad eyes, "... Itachi, I'm going to spend the night with my brothers… is that okay with you?"

Itachi gave me a soft smile as Sasuke was the one to help him stand, "That's fine, I'll see you tomorrow Dei." We exchange quick kisses goodbye before going our separate ways.

Entering the apartment, it's obvious that while the two kept the place clean, it still looks like two men live here as the decor was different. If anything the place looks unlived in, as things were in order and since these two often have sleepovers at Neji and Sasuke's places when not on missions, I guess most of the time they just use this house to eat.

Washing my face, I climb into Naruto's bed as he snuggled into my arms, Kimimaro finished the brother sandwich by laying on the opposite side of Naruto and held him, his old dragon plush was used as a pillow… I didn't know he still kept that. Things remained quiet for a moment, until I felt the front of my shirt becoming wet and Naruto was shaking. Looking down… I couldn't see his face, but the heavy breathing gave away everything. Kimi and I exchanged glances before our hold on Naruto tightened as sobs escaped his lips, within seconds our little brother was wailing into my chest at the loss of his beloved teacher.

Neither of us spoke, we just took turns running our hand through Naruto's spiky hair until his breathing slowed down and sleep took over him. My heart ached seeing this little ball of sunshine broken down because of Jiraiya's death, I can only hope he'll grow to embrace the legacy Jiraiya left him.

 _A couple weeks later_

Pein will be attacking Konoha anytime now, there's no beating around the bush on this one. Even if they captured Sora, the Gedo statue would need more chakra to summon the Juubi and bring the world into Infinite Tsukuyomi.

I avoided going on the mission with Naruto to handle the Rokubi arc. I love shippuden, and I would have loved to fight Pein again, but there is no way in hell I was going to deal with that arc… besides, I needed to prepare for the invasion.

I spent the majority of the weeks with Minami and Shisui, they're still too young to fully recognize me or Itachi so I need to get them use to us. Thankfully, Itachi was there to help me as I had no idea how to parent infants. No amount of reading could prepare me for the wave of paranoia each cry would cause me.

Not long after Naruto was taken to Mount Myoboku to train in sage mode, Asuma, Kurenai and many others unable to fight were sent to nearby villages for their protection. We had to do this discretely to avoid panic in the village, and removing every civilian in the village would cause Pein to avoid Konoha and use them as hostages. It's easier this way.

As a result, I'm taking Minami and Shisui to a safehouse I had prepared days after their birth. It settled on the border between the Land of Stone and the Land of Fire, known only by Itachi, myself, Tsunade and Onoki. I didn't even tell any of my chibis, if things get too nasty and they left to find the babies, it would put them in danger.

… Well, "would" if it wasn't for the fact that I have some babysitters in mind.

Entering the safehouse I look around, in reality it's just a large traditional Japanese home with some modern functions like electricity, heat and water. Right in the middle of the main room were two plain bassinets. There were no special frills or plush cushions, just a firm mattress and overhanging curtains to block unwanted sunlight.

Setting the twins in their beds, I kiss their foreheads before summoning the Hokages and Uchiha brothers… Oh right, I forgot to tell Madara that I reanimated them.

"Hashirama?! When did-? How are you-? Deidara." Madara slowly turned his head in my direction, almost scolding me with just a disapproving glare. Oh wait, he is- and now his arms are crossed, I'm in so much trouble.

"Uhhhh… surprise? Heheh…" I nervously rub the back of my head while slowly inching towards Hashirama for safety, "I was going to tell you… eventually, un."

"Uh huh." The flatness of his tone was enough to tell me that he didn't believe me, "Why were we summoned?"

I motion to the bassinets, "Itachi and I had children, Madara-sama. Konoha is in danger and I need you four to keep them safe while I'm away, un." The moment I had said children, Madara and Hashirama did not hesitate to investigate the infants. Tobirama and Izuna were more focused on glaring at each other.

"Wow! These are beautiful children Deidara-san! They look like their father! … Ah! Not saying that you're not beautiful, I'm certain if you were a woman you would be quite the eye-mrph!" Hashirama was quickly silenced by Madara smacking a gloved hand over his mouth. For once I'm grateful of Madara's overprotectiveness, I didn't need to hear Hashirama fumble and accidentally flirt with me.

"That is enough out of you, Hashirama…" Madara nods to me, looking pleased, "They are indeed beautiful, I can tell their chakra is strong and the Uchiha blood runs thick in their veins… perhaps marrying outside of the clan could have made stronger generations." Humming to himself he gets Minami's attention when locks of his hair tickles her nose.

At first, she just stared at it blankly… and then she sneezed. The sudden noise and the fact the tickling feeling didn't leave her nose set her in a flurry of cries. Shisui joined in shortly after hearing his twin in distress and his mother didn't respond fast enough for his liking apparently.

Taking long strides over, I scoop up Minani and bounce her in my arms, "Shhhhh…. Baby it's okay, you're okay." Humming softly, the little girl fell asleep in my arms as Shisui instantly goes quiet. Lovely, good to know if Minami wants something, her wonderful big brother will definitely make sure mom hears.

Sighing softly, I return Minami to her bed, "Please, keep them safe…"

The person to respond to my plea surprised me, "We'll make sure no one goes near them while you are away, so protect the village." Tobirama crosses his arms before looking at the babies, sniffing slightly at the fact he was protecting Uchiha children.

Biting my lip slightly, I nod at the Nidaime Hokage, "Thank you. I made sure everything you will need is in the house, un." I bow to the four respectfully before running outside to fly to Konoha.

 _An hour later_

 **3rd person POV**

Hashirama and Madara watched their younger brothers beating the shit out of each other from the porch. The infants were fast asleep at the moment and Madara took it upon himself, to entertain himself with some scrolls Deidara left in the house for them.

Suddenly, a cry was heard and Hashirama sprang into action, picking up Shisui and checking his diaper. With a reluctant sigh, he takes the infant to the changing table as Madara watched in shock.

"That… doesn't bother you at all?" Madara couldn't see himself changing an infant's diaper, let along watch his old friend do that.

Hashirama chuckled as he cleaned a very miffed Shisui, who after crying was glaring daggers at the Senju, "I became a father and grandfather Madara, this is all the natural duties of being a parent. Mito would make me, at least once a week, be the sole caretaker of our children. Helped me learn to respect mothers more. Oh aren't you cute! You have the Uchiha glare!" Squealing in happiness, Hashi booped Shisui's nose, who looked as if he was any other age would have noped out of there.

Since Shisui could plainly see what was in front of him, the two adults could almost hear the list in his head.

Adult? Yes. Mom? Definitely not, not pretty enough. Dad? If that was his father he wouldn't have screamed in the first place, a whimper would be enough. And he didn't recognize the face from any of the other grown-ups… Time to scream.

First it was a hiccup, then watery eyes, and soon Shisui was screaming to the high heavens. It was loud enough for Izuna and Tobirama to stop fighting and wait for things to happen. Since Shisui screams when Minami cries, they were expecting the reaction to be mutual between the twins. Instead, Minami was more preoccupied in the breathtaking discovery that was her foot.

Madara quickly shoved Hashirama away and picked up Shisui, "Quit crying. You are an Uchiha, and Uchihas do not cry."

"Madara!" Hashirama began to chastise, "That is not how you get an infant to stop cry-"

Lo and behold, Shisui was instantly silent.

The four stood there in shock for a moment, before Hashirama began to grow an emo cloud, "I… I'm gonna make sure Minami doesn't eat her foot…" Walking off, Madara felt pride swell in his chest as the infant in his arms fell asleep.

"The Uchiha blood really is strong in these two."

 _Back with Deidara_

 **Deidara's POV**

Konoha was in a state of chaos when I returned, hell asura path tried to bomb down my bird the moment I was within one of the path's sights. I had to dodge missiles and summons as I made my way to Itachi and Sasuke. They were easy to find, I just had to look for fireball jutsus and listen for chidori.

"Itachi! Duck-kun!" Leaping off my bird, I send it flying at the chameleon-like summon they were fighting, forcing it to poof away, "Where's Kimimaro, un?"

Sasuke sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "He's with Team Gai watching over the villagers we had evacuated. You're late, you know that right?" All he got from me was a cheeky grin, "Of course you know."

"Dei, the babies?" Itachi looked at me intensely, sharingan occasionally locking on with nearby movement.

"Safe, don't worry about them." I kept the answer short, gently kissing him on the lips. I also couldn't sense Daiki, so he must be with Team Gai, "I'm gonna take care of Pein's summons and help out with asura path, bastard is dead if he thinks I'm gonna let him steal my thunder, un."

Sasuke glared at me, "No, you need to stay with us. This Pein guy will want you for information. We're stronger than you so we will protect you during the invasion."

I snort while clapping my clay filled hands together, "What's the fun in being protected during one of the most chaotic times in this world's history? Just get away from this area, if human path gets Shizune then this whole village is going to be flattened, un." Throwing my creation in the air, I allow it to poof into full size.

Pein thinks he's powerful? Let's see if his summons and paths can deal with a rayquaza.

Catching sight of Pein's bird summon, I give the brothers a grin that could put the cheshire cat to shame and flew off on my massive dragon. Seems my presence has been noticed, as several new creatures came flying at me. I didn't recognize any of the summons from the anime, all of them were chimera like and all of them were aiming for me.

It became more of an air dance than a battle, twisting around and effortlessly using rayquaza's tail to smack the summons away. Adrenaline caused my heart to pump into my ears as on multiple occasions I nearly fell off. But even then I was laughing with insane glee and victory as the last flying summon poofed away.

My attention was captured at the sound of fluttering paper nearby, "Kona-" A hand was placed on top of my head, and I lost the feeling in my legs. Falling to my knees as I feel my very mind separate from my body. I couldn't blink, I couldn't move, I could barely breath.

"As his brother, you would know where Uzumaki Naruto is." No… Human Path… Those summons were distractions huh? Just to buy time for human path to get closer.

There was no point in struggling, not like I could move in the first place. The moment his hand leaves my head… I'm dead.

For a moment, all I could hear was the sound of Pein's chakra and my own heartbeat... but then he spoke, "Mount Myoboku… training with the toads, and… so you do know true pain. You have quite the collection of knowledge… Lily."

My heart dropped, he knows and I bet this is earlier than what happened in the anime, that or I took Shizune's place. I can't believe this… I failed.

"If we were not on a tight schedule I would be taking you with me, as long as my hand does not leave your head I can continue to learn more from you. It's a shame to lose someone who knows true pain, and someone who… was originally going to be our... ally." I could faintly hear confusion laced in his tone, as if he found something he didn't expect, "One can only imagine how fast our goal could have been achieved with this knowledge. Farewell… Deidara."

His hand slowly removed from my head, and I felt a weird tugging sensation, similar to that of flushing out your ears with water. Soon my body went cold.

And then there was nothing.

 **3rd person POV**

Sasuke's attention was deprived from a ground chimera when he sensed something was wrong. Turning his head up, he watched the Pein with long hair pull something ethereal, but human shape out of Deidara. Deidara's dragon poofed away as the Pein leaped off to a roof to watch, and the blond falling lifelessly towards the ground.

"Deidara…? DEIDARA!"

That wasn't Sasuke. It was Itachi, catching Deidara and his legs giving out due to momentum. Sasuke watched as his brother shook the blond, only to notice the glaze covering… both of Deidara's eyes. He never opens both eyes. Why wasn't he moving?

'No…'

"Dei? Wake up. This isn't a game, you need to snap out of it! Please, I don't find this funny! Why are you not responding?!" Sasuke has never seen his brother so panicked, "Come on, wake up! Please…" But there was no movement. Maybe Deidara was under a genjutsu? Yeah, that has to be the case. He's cocky that's for sure, but would never get himself hurt-

Crack

The brothers snapped their heads to Itachi's ring. The ruby cracked, then cracked again… and then some more. The brilliant blood red slowly morphed to that of a pale pink as the cracks danced outward like a spider's web. The very air within them was sucked out as the gem shattered, and to add insult to injury… Deidara's head lolled to the side, eyes finally succumbing to gravity and closing for good.

Itachi broke, tears poured down his face as he propped his husband in his arms, pressing the blond's forehead to his own, "No… you can't be dead… you died once and had this second chance… why would you die…? Please… please… Please don't… Please don't go… I love… you..." His voice gave out as did the rest of his spirit, his body felt numb, his mind wouldn't process this. The love of his life… the reason he is still alive today was… was...

Overcome by grief... he failed to notice Sasuke.

 **Sasuke's POV**

This had to be some trick! Why would Deidara allow himself to die?! I snap my head up to glance at Pein. He held no remorse, in fact this body seemed to have a permanent state of mild boredom on his face, no traces of guilt or humanity were behind those cold ringed eyes.

"Do you resent me, young Uchiha? This is the consequences of war, people lose the ones they love and converse in a never ending cycle of hatred. Your brother helped our goals towards world peace, only to leave because he chose to love again. I wonder what you plan on doing in response."

'All this to prove a point? Rip away families to bring an example to the world? What kind of justice was that? Was this to punish Nii-san for leaving the Akatsuki…? Or was it something else…?'

" _Is the famous Uchiha clan afraid to try a little art?"_

Feeling blood drain from my face, I snap my head to look at Itachi and the body of Deidara. That voice… it was his! But he's dead… that sounded so familiar though…

" _Sasuke, no one can lie to me. You know this, un."_

Shut up…

" _Nice Duck-kun, though don't expect me to allow you to rely solely on your new eyes when training, un. I'll start making you fight blindfolded."_

Shut up… get out of my head, Deidara.

Memories of Deidara kept flashing in my head, with his stupid speech impediment and overly clingy hugs. The way he acted never made sense, like he was preparing me for something big. All the training and words of wisdom, making me learn to master jutsu without my kekkei genkai. He treated me like family when he already had Naruto, almost instantly watching over me like a guardian angel or some stupid nanny.

Always putting himself in danger to make sure I was safe...

" _So yes, one day you will surpass me. But until then, you are someone I will protect at the cost of my own life. Don't like it? Tough. Become stronger than me then."_

'But you're dead now… I'm stronger than you now… and yet I...' If I'm from the mighty Uchiha clan, why couldn't I protect someone like Deidara? Why was I unable to keep him safe? Why didn't he listen to me in the first place?!

I grip my head in pain as chakra flood to my eyes, tears and blood poured out and clouded my vision. I hated the man staring down at me… because of him, I lost someone important to me. I lost a friend, a guardian, a teacher… The one who reunited me with Itachi, and became part of my family…

I… I...

" _I love you too, Duck-kun."_

I lost a brother.

 **3rd person POV**

Chakra swirled around Sasuke as blood pooled from his eyes, Pein watched with blank interest as a purple skeleton surrounded Sasuke's body. The skeleton grew muscles, skin, armor and a face, it glared at Pein as the young Uchiha's eyes became a kaleidoscope, spinning wildly as rational thinking left his body. His mangekyou sharingan finally awoke.

"Nii-san… Take Deidara's body and leave… I'm going to kill this bastard. Deidara died to make sure Naruto was safe… I'm taking that legacy for myself now." Itachi wasn't given a chance to say anything when Sasuke gave chase after Pein. The boy's entire body felt like it was on fire from the pain susano-o was producing, but he swallowed it as his mind was clouded with only the thoughts of ending this man's life.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Itachi adjust the body in his arms and ran. He ignores the summons vanishing, the Peins leaving the fights only to collapse in front of Konan. He ignored the man he once called leader floating away from the Hokage tower and into the air. One of Katsuyu's clones lands on top of him, absorbing him and Deidara into her body to protect them as Pein uttered his infamous jutsu, while in another area Shima slammed her hand to the ground.

"Shinra Tensei!"

"Summoning jutsu!"

Within seconds, Konoha was reduced to rubble, and Naruto was summoned from Mount Myoboku.

* * *

… **Yep. I did the unspoken taboo of the SI fanfiction community, I killed my SI before the end of the fic. This was something that was brought to my attention by my beta earlier this week, most SI/OC fic never kill their main character unless it was planned from the beginning (such as an Uchiha OC that dies during the massacre). I've been semi-hinting this for months now and you have no idea how hard it's been keeping it a secret.**

 **Just remember that this is not the end of my fic, not even close. So even though this chapter is most likely breaking some of your hearts… do remember that this is the Pein invasion arc, and a certain event happens at the end. :3**

 **On the bright side… Sasuke got his mangekyou! Yay! Now the brothers can swap eyeballs and not go blind! All of the quotes from Dei were taken from actual moments in the fic, took me forever to find them all. X.X**

 **Like I said in the beginning, I will be posting the next chapter later today. I'm just doing to finishing touches on some events and typing up my AN, so you don't have to wait another week to see what happens. I don't want to be THAT mean.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all in a few hours.**

 **Bye!**


	43. Afterlife

**Time to finish the Invasion arc! That's all I really have to say about this. Onward to the chapter!**

 **Thank you guys for the fave, follows and reviews, I'm rather amused and also feeling somewhat guilty for everyone's reactions to the previous chapter… okay, guilt over!**

 **cassianaswindell123: You'll see~**

 **VenaHope: Pein as hinted by human path did not get all the information that some people would believe, but he did see some things that left him concerned.**

 **Ringo1327: Sasuke actually doesn't have Amaterasu because Itachi was the one who gave it to him. I'll have to work on his powers later, but human path is indeed screwed at this point.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: It was an anime convention, took pictures of lots of cosplayers and bought so much merrrrrrrcccchhhhhhhhh (which in reality was just a bunch of little blind boxes and a wall scroll but hey… anime is expensive). I think you are the only reader to not be sad by Deidara's death so good job!**

 **Infra: Madara and the others did not disappear because he is using Kabuto's edo tensei. Even if the summoner dies, the reanimated shinobi are still free to do as they please, in reality all his death does is give Madara and the others complete freedom.**

 **CooKie-Chaan: Omg I love that you scared your brother! XD Absolutely brilliant!**

 **MidnaMoo: Hi Midna! Glad that you caught up with everything! I am happy that everyone has been having all these strong emotional reactions, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to convey the pain everyone was feeling in the story and this easily squashes my fears.**

 **Eternal: … This made me laugh harder than I was expecting.**

 **silverwolf310: Ukon and Sakon are more in the same state as Sai where I don't know what to do with them, I'll try to make a side story including them even if it's brief. To be honest Izuna had it coming as he was way to cocky with his sharingan to understand that Tobirama was an extremely fast shinobi. It's fine that you haven't commented! Glad to know you are catching up, and good luck in college! :D**

 **Warning: Violence, language, emotional moments, plot twists (kinda). Pretty tame really.**

 **Disclaimer: At this point I'm even doubting Kishimoto's ownership of Naruto, he doesn't even draw or script Boruto and hasn't done much lately. I still don't own Naruto btw.**

* * *

 **3rd person POV**

Naruto looked around the crater in confusion, "I thought we were going to Konoha? Where are we? Where's Pein?" The smoke caused by the summoning completed blocked anything more than 40 feet away, leaving Naruto and the toads almost blind to their surroundings.

Shima hopped over solemnly, "This is Konoha… the village was destroyed by Pein…" Naruto couldn't believe his ears, how could the village be destroyed? Just how strong was this Pein guy? Wait, Sasuke is on his way, maybe he can provide some information… odd… Deidara wasn't anywhere nearby, neither was Kakashi.

Jumping off Gamakichi, Naruto was quickly greeted by an enraged Sasuke. Blood pouring from his eyes as the smoke finally cleared and his mangekyou sharingan stared at Pein as animal path summoned all of them at once.

"Sasuke… what happened to your eyes? Who… who died? Who did you see die? I know you only get those eyes seeing someone die!" Naruto tilts his head with narrowed eyes, watching Sasuke clench his teeth, head lowering as his body trembled. Something wasn't right, "Where's Itachi and Deidara-nii? I thought they would be with you."

"Naruto…" Sasuke's voice was shaky, almost threatening. Blood lust filled the area as Sasuke's temper was slowly losing control of itself.

Naruto focused his nature chakra, "I can sense Itachi, but not Deidara-nii. Is he not in the vill-"

"DEIDARA IS DEAD!"

Naruto froze as the blood from Sasuke's eyes were replaced with tears, "What…?" Dead? How could his brother be dead? Nothing could touch him, let alone kill him.

Sasuke's eyes morphed from rage to anguish as he wasn't able to hold back tears, "He…" He raked his hand roughly through his messy hair, "the long haired one… took something from Deidara. I don't know what it was, but… Deidara…" Sasuke took a long, shaky breath, almost like a gasp as breathing became harder for him, "I'm going to help you kill him, with the new eyes Deidara's death gave me. I will protect you from the Akatsuki, Naruto."

Naruto turned his attention to Pein, glaring at him intensely. Tsunade tried to take over the battle, but Naruto sent her away noticing how weak she was. Tears threaten to spill out, but he took a deep breath to stop them, the Kyuubi was itching for the chance to take over his body. The Kyuubi's influence was causing him to slowly feel nothing but hatred for the man in front of him, but he didn't want to hate, if his brother had a reason for keeping this Pein alive, then he wanted to know what it was.

"Neh… Sasuke, I have enough nature chakra for the option of 6 rasenshuriken, 12 giant rasengans, or 16 other jutsu… I… help me find the main body, dattebayo." Naruto rolled his shoulders with a fire in his eyes. He doesn't want to cause more bloodshed, but at the same time Pein cannot be allowed to roam free anymore. He'll take down these gingers and find the real leader of the Akatsuki.

Sasuke stared at Naruto in shock, how was he so strong? Sasuke could barely keep his mind focused on the enemy without wanting to burn him to the ground. Blinking away tears he cracked his neck, "Unlike Itachi my eyes are perfectly fine, in fact…" He pulls out a chakra pill and munched on it, "I can endure these new jutsu's my eyes gave me longer."

Naruto nods in affirmation, "Let's see if our training paid off. We'll take this bastard on!"

From across the battlefield, Pein slowly blinked, "This would be easier if you gave yourself up, Uzumaki Naruto… but if you want to make it harder, we'll make you experience the ultimate pain. Let us see if Deidara wasted his time preparing you to face us or not."

 _Somewhere not of this world_

 **Deidara's POV**

More darkness… I always find myself in darkness. The ground felt like stone, yet there was no sound, no vibration. I was lost, but I could tell this wasn't the afterlife… well, not really. Must be limbo if anything, why the hell would I allow myself to pass when I had unfinished business?

"Damnit Nagato… I should have told you about Obito, even if you didn't believe me I could have filled your mind with doubt, un." That's all it takes, break the faith of the master and the servant takes over his own life.

Seemingly out of nowhere, I was standing in front of a traditional Japanese house. It looked… familiar. I don't even bother knocking, I slide open the door and remove my shoes, leaving them in the genkan as I lightly stepped on the cedar flooring. What I didn't expect was for someone to be here.

"Who are you?" Looking up from staring at my feet, I lock eyes with a woman. She had black hair, dark soft eyes, and that voice…

"Uchiha Mikoto…" The matriarch of the Uchiha clan, why am I meeting her here? Remembering my manners, I quickly bow, "Forgive my intrusion. My name is Deidara… I uh… well… Where is Fugaku?"

"I hope you have a reason for the informalities." I keep myself in that bow as Fugaku approached me, keeping my eyes locked on his feet, "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with someone you know that has unfinished business?" I had to keep myself from wincing at his tone, man no wonder Sasuke had self-esteem issues, I'm getting them just by being around this guy.

Slowly standing up, I stare at my father-in-law blankly, "I see no reason in being formal with you yet. As a fellow shinobi, I outrank you by a longshot. Being an ANBU captain and ambassador for Konoha to Kirigakure does that, un."

Fugaku's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "With how long the two of us have been dead, and you're younger than Itachi… Impressive. But that still doesn't answer my other question."

Right… well, I might as well tell them, "I…" Why did my mouth feel so dry all of the sudden? "I am Itachi's… husband…" The reactions were just as I expected.

Mikoto's eyes lit up, as if saying "It's about time" while Fugaku…

I barely had enough time to block his kick, the force still sent me flying outside.

Fugaku grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked the upper half of my body up, "If this is a joke, it's not funny you bastard! My son is not gay! He is the heir to the Uchiha clan!" Oh boy, how am I gonna explain this to a pissed off Uchiha dad?

"Think whatever you want, I have pictures if you don't believe that I'm married to him, un." Fugaku's sharingan glared at me, but the moment I said pictures I had Mikoto kneeled besides me, hands out expectantly. When Fukagu tried to get her to back away, she simply shoved him out of her way and kept her hands out in the process.

Blinking a few times, I reach into my pouch and pull out a scroll with the kanji for book on it. Within it I had a small but thick photo album that Mikoto did not hesitate to snatch from my hands and rush inside. In the process she began to drag her husband with her. I guess being dead for 10 years does a lot for a woman's confidence?

"Deidara-kun, please come inside, Fugaku will behave himself." Not like he could really hurt me, I can't die a second time after all… technically a third time.

Returning inside, hopping over the genkan to keep my feet clean I head to the main room. Now I understood why this place was so familiar, it was Itachi and my house before the Uchiha massacre. It was formal and stiff… yet I could also feel the love inside it.

I sat in front of the Uchiha parents as they flipped through the album. Mikoto was noticeably excited at the wedding photos while Fugaku was trying to keep his eye twitching to a minimum. I guess me being in a bridal gown has him questioning my gender, or the fact that my voice is this rough male voice was messing with his head.

I softly clear my throat, "Also, you two are grandparents. We had a close friend of mine carry twins for us, un." The moment I had finished that sentence Mikoto had turned to the only photo of the twins I had Anko take of us.

It was taken the day we took the twins home. Itachi was holding Minami, a peaceful smile graced his lips, allowing her to nom on his pointer finger. I was holding a miffed Shisui, dorky grin on my face and doing a peace sign. In the background were Sasuke, Naruto and Kimimaro; Naruto had a matching grin while the other two had passive expressions. Some things never change really.

"... They seem happy." Fugaku took the photo out to examine it, "I don't think I have ever seen Itachi smile like that, not since Sasuke was born at least."

"Considering how you chose to raise him I don't blame Itachi for having the emotional range of a thimble around you. War or not… you… you don't take a four year old to the battlefield, un." I wanted to be mad at Fugaku, but he was never really cruel to his sons. He is the embodiment of a traditional Japanese father, strict with his sons but will proudly talk about them when alone with his wife.

Too many fanfictions write him as abusive, cruel, and uncaring, but that isn't the case. Fugaku was under constant pressure from the village and his clan, and had to raise Itachi and Sasuke the way he did to ensure their survival. Too many like to compare him to Minato but both were raised under different circumstances. Minato was not raised under a prestigious clan, he got to marry the wild Kushina and enjoy a happy life.

Too be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if Mikoto and Fugaku were part of an arranged marriage.

Fugaku sighed in defeat, "I admit… I was not the best father for them, I should have been more understanding of Itachi's views and Sasuke… I should have payed more attention to him. Maybe if I was a better father…" Mikoto pats his shoulder in understanding, I didn't offer any comforting words.

I quietly watched the two admiring the photos. There was no need for words. Being dead for so long, I can only imagine they took this time to reflect on their lives.

"Tell us what has been happening all these years, how the boys are doing. And tell us how you met Itachi." Mikoto carefully slid the book back to me. Her motherly smile made me relax in my spot, she was always seen as a gentle person. But her words proved my theory, the dead cannot watch the living.*

"Well… I… was reborn into this body… and I met Itachi when he tried to make me join the Akatsuki. I called him a cutie and fled to Konoha where I met Uzumaki Naruto…"

 _Back to the living_

 **3rd person POV**

"Damnit… SNAP OUT OF IT YOU DOBE!" Sasuke was dodging the floating stones caused by Pein's chibaku tensei. At some point in the battle, Naruto had lost control of himself and the Kyuubi was slowly taking over. Sasuke was sporting a nasty burn mark on his abdomen and his shirt was tattered from the fight, but he was struggling relentlessly to get to his friend.

The fight had gone to an almost comical level of absurdity to Sasuke, everything looked distorted, from Pein's expressions to the random attacks the Kyuubi would use. RIght now Sasuke was blaming everything he saw on his eyes, he did not see the Kyuubi slam a boulder on Pein like a hammer to a nail, he did not see Pein jumping through water like a dolphin… and he DEFINITELY did not see his face turn 20 types of goo before punching the ground.

Yeah… as long as he kept telling himself that it didn't happen, maybe it will go away.

Naruto was trapped within a perfect sphere of earth, and Sasuke couldn't break it. Each time he got close to the sphere, Pein would add another layer. If this continued then Pein will have Naruto completely trapped. The fight was going so well up until Naruto lost control, Pein had almost no way to predict their combination attacks and Naruto's seals protected them from most of the paths' attacks, but now the tables have turned and Sasuke was almost out of chakra.

"I'm not going to let this bastard take you…" Reactivating his mangekyou, he embraced the agonizing pain of using susano-o and drew its flaming sword. Locating the most chakra in the sphere, Sasuke threw his sword, crumbling the area and allowing a furless Kyuubi to emerge from the gap, "Disgusting… I thought the Kyuubi was a fluffy fox… Deidara… Deidara always gushed about its orange fur."

The naked beast roared furiously at Pein, still trapped in the confines of the stones. Before either one could try to stop the Kyuubi, it vanished in a puff of smoke.

"How can it…? Heh, you really are full of surprises." Sasuke deactivates his sharingan seeing Naruto standing on the sphere, glaring at Pein with yellow eyes. He didn't know what Naruto did to break the fox's hold, but whatever it was it worked.

"Sasuke, leave the rest of the fight to me, dattebayo."

Feeling himself already drained, Sasuke nods at Naruto, not sure if his friend could see him or not. Turning on his heel, he finds Sakura, Shizune and a withered Tsunade, "Sakura, I need to be healed, I'm close to…" In the corner of his eyes, he sees Itachi nearby, still holding Deidara, "fainting…"

The last thing Sasuke heard was Sakura yelling his name, and his head smacking the ground.

 _Back in the afterlife_

 **Deidara's POV**

"And… now I'm here…" I stare at my lap after I told Fugaku and Mikoto what has happened the last ten years. Honestly, they were handling it pretty well, even to the point where even Fugaku chuckled at some of the situations Sasuke got himself stuck in. Mikoto was sitting there awwwing at my story of how Itachi proposed to me.

"But you died. So now what?" Fugaku folded his arms, obviously not pleased with the fact I'm dead.

Sighing softly, I run a hand through my hair, "That's my problem… if I stay dead, Kabuto could use edo tensei to bring me back and use my abilities to his advantage. And considering I… Well… let's just say I'm stronger than some are led to believe, un." It is true that Kabuto doesn't like to take the free will of others, but I bet he would be more than happy to break that rule with me.

But now I had my own questions, "Why are you two in limbo?" Now the two were shifting nervously in their spots, guess it's my turn to interrogate.

Mikoto looked to her husband before sighing, "We… wanted to wait. Itachi… with his plans… we had expected to see him, and we wanted to talk to him before moving on to the afterlife. But… you gave him something to love again, something to live for."

"Waiting for Itachi would only make us stay here longer than expected." I nodded at Fugaku's words.

"I-" Before I could say anything, a green light envelopes me, "What the…?"

Mikoto gives me a sad smile, "Looks like it really isn't your time. Tell the boys… that we're proud of them."

"Don't worry, they know, un." I close my eye as the light sent me back to the land of the living.

 _Back to… what Deidara said_

I woke up smacking my head against something. I really should have seen that coming, considering my first action after breathing was to shoot myself in a sitting position.

"Ow! Fucking hell Nagato! What the hell did I hi-" I was briefly cut off when two arms wrap around me, and a head buried itself in my shoulder, "Itachi… love?"

Itachi was shaking, I could feel his tears being absorbed into my shirt as he muttered nonsense. Raising an arm, I place my hand on his head, massaging his scalp as I observed everything around me. Fukasaku just woke up, so did many other shinobi that were killed during the invasion. Sakura was crying, Sasuke was unconscious, Tsunade was…. Yeesh.

Nuzzling Itachi's head with my own to get his attention, "Itachi… I need to find Naruto and Konan… can you help me please?" I spoke in a soft voice, not sure if he was all there at the moment. Thankfully, I felt him nod. Within seconds I was on his back, and within minutes we were in the forest.

"I'm sorry I put you through that…" I stare at his now passive face, eyes a little puffy from tears.

"I'm not going to let you go into dangerous situations alone anymore. That is your punishment for dying, Dei."

I had to smile, he used my nickname, he's not mad. I let out a hum of agreement and allowed us to travel in silence.

It didn't take long to find Naruto and Konan, she was handing him a bouquet of paper flowers. Both pausing at the sight of us, "Deidara-nii?"

"Did you think Nagato was going to skip me or something? What's with the sad look baby?" Itachi let me slide off his back so my brother could yank me into a tight hug, "You can lecture me later if you want… but I need to speak with Konan. Okay baby…? Go back home, un." I could already sense Kakashi making a beeline for Naruto. Once Naruto released me, I sent him off and locked eyes with Konan.

Guilt and sadness were plastered on that beautiful face of hers, Nagato and Yahiko's bodies were gently wrapped in paper coffins for travel. This poor woman was planning on guarding those two until her dying days…

Sadly those days would be sooner than expected.

"Come to Konoha, Konan." I hold my hand out to her as she stared at me in shock, eyes searching for trickery.

"But… Nagato and I…" Konan stared at my hand in disbelief, "We attacked and destroyed the village…"

"And Itachi killed his entire clan, Kisame and Sasori have murdered high ranking figure and I've killed Danzo and enough people to populate a medium size village. Your point sweetheart, un?" My lips morph into a smirk as Itachi smacked a hand over his mouth to hide a snort. Yay, I can still make him laugh!

"But… I should take Nagato and Yahiko to Amegakure... so they can rest in peace."

"They could never rest in peace knowing the girl they loved spent the rest of her days guarding their corpses… Tobi will hunt you down and kill you for Nagato's eyes, un." With the way things have been going, Obito will get the rinnegan one way or another. But at the very least I'll keep Konan safe.

Konan bit her lower lip, I couldn't help but notice she messes with the stud under her lip, must be a nervous tic. I could see the cogs going into overdrive in her head, unsure as to what she should do. So I waited, I didn't care how long this would take. It could go into the night for all I care, I will follow her to Amegakure if needed, I'm going to have her be in Konoha where she will be safe.

"Nagato… after killing you… he mentioned that Amegakure would not be safe for me to return…"

I nod while keeping my voice soft, "Because he saw my memories… Tobi will try to kill you, and even with the paper bombs I know you have hidden in the village's water," Her face morphs to bafflement, "he has access to a large number of sharingan, and with them the ability to sacrifice them to nullify any jutsu used against him. You would be wasting your chakra protecting your friends, un."

Now Konan lowered her head, looking at the Akatsuki ring on her finger. Each second that passed by looked like the weight of the world would press down on her shoulders, crushing her spirit. I slowly approach the older woman and place a hand on her shoulder, "Nagato… gave his dream to Naruto, right?" She slowly nods her head, "Then protect Nagato's dream through Naruto… come to Konoha and help him create a world of peace. I can help make any funeral arrangements you would want for Nagato and Yahiko, and if you are concerned for Amegakure… we can help you make a clone so you can still run the village. I'll even work with the medical team to create decoys for your friends' bodies, un."

I had this unstoppable feeling that Obito will get the rinnegan no matter what I do, but this slows down the process by a long shot… or at least forces him to rely on Zetsu.

For the longest time, Konan remained silent and Itachi and I could only stand there and wait. Finally, she looked at me with a peaceful expression, "I will return with you two to Konoha… but give me a few days to prepare. I will return when Konoha is rebuilt or if there is a threat in Amegakure."

Satisfied with that response, I gently take the rose out of her hair and hand her an exact replica, but made with my clay, "If you are in danger, destroy this flower and I will come to your aid, un." I watch her put the rose in her hair before I turn my attention to the bodies, "Let me and Itachi hide them for now, I think I can find some sealing jutsus that will preserve their bodies."

Konan did not hesitate to give them to me, which I rested on top of some larger chocobos I made. I gave her a tight hug, catching her by surprise, before sending her off back to her home village.

Itachi gave me a bemused expression, "Why didn't you destroy the bodies?" Taking my hands, lacing our fingers together in a manner that silently reminded me that he was still shaken up by nearly losing me.

I take his hand and gently kiss each finger before answering, "Because that is Konan's right as their friend and fellow teammate… besides, Kabuto already has Nagato's DNA; why destroy them for the purpose of stopping an edo tensei, when he already has what he needs to bring back the rinnegan?" Itachi nods at my logic, "Itachi… what… would you do if I did die…? Knowing that Kabuto would most likely use edo tensei on me…?"

The grip on my hand tightened to the point of being painful, but he refused to release my hand, "I would make sure I was the first person you fought… and I would seal you… no…" He looks up at the sky, "I would use Shisui's eyes to break his hold of you… and have you help me fight him…"

A small smile traced my lips as I give him a kiss on the cheek, "We both know I would have killed him before you used Izanami though. Let's return to the village, gotta give Konoha's hero a big ol' hug, un."

 _A few days later_

The progress is slow, but Konoha is rebuilding, it's a little hard when Yamato is the only wood style user in the village. I'm still keeping my edo tensei shinobi with the twins, Hashirama had a wood clone meet me the previous day. Madara is apparently worried sick and the twins absolutely adore him.

Other than that… I'm questioning why I'm at a meeting with the Land of Fire's feudal lord and various other daimyo. I do remember this scene. This is when Danzo becomes the temporary Rokudaime Hokage, but he's dead… so what are the elder's planning?

I must have zoned out, everyone is looking at me, "What?" I see the lords all scoff at my apparent rudeness, watch it.

Shikaku cleared his throat, "I had nominated Hatake Kakashi as the next Hokage, and since we-" He motions to the other clan heads. I don't remember the meeting being this big, "know that you would want an input. You do represent the Uzumaki and Uchiha clan after all."

Realizing that I could potentially control who is chosen, Koharu turns to the feudal lord, "Do not listen to a word that boy says, he is an outsider that weaved himself into the village. If anything, I'd say he's the cause of the destruction, bringing dangerous missing nin into Konoha…" I feel my head moving like a parrot in shock. Did this old cow just pull a Danzo on me?

The lord fanned himself, "Hmmm… good point on not listening to him, we can't allow an outsider to decide politics. Why don't you step out, young man?"

'Don't yell, don't yell, don't yell…' Oh how I hate adults sometimes, ironic that I am one, "No. I don't think I will step out. So please shut your money filled mouth before I end you three like I did Danzo, un." The lords and village elders paled at my proclamation. The clan heads kept their mouth shut, none of them seemed surprised at this point.

"That is treason talk!" How can it be treason if I hold no loyalties to someone who can't sit for five minutes without using a fan?

"You killed Danzo?"

"Orders from the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen himself. I have the documentation sealed off in an underground bunker." I proceed to dismiss their existence, "Nara-sama, regarding Kakashi… I have a wager for you…"

 _Near the outskirts of Konoha_

"The Rokudaime Hokage huh…?" Kakashi looked at the hat in mild interest as he stood before the village elders and Shikaku. I was lounging on a tree watching the whole thing.

"Correct, with Tsunade out of commission, we thought it would be best to appoint a new Hokage. And we chose you." Shikaku smirked at his old war buddy with confidence. The elders refused to make eye contact with Kakashi, they had no puppet to use since I destroyed ROOT and killed Danzo. I happily proceed to start humming You're Welcome from Moana, just to boost my own ego.

Kakashi didn't move as the hat was placed on his head, except to give Shikaku his famous eye crinkle smile, "I'm honored… but…"

Kakashi poofed in a puff of smoke, replaced with a bewildered Itachi. The hat rested on his head in a crooked manner due to a lack of spikes for hair.

"I think if anyone should be Hokage, it's Itachi."

The four of them whip their heads to the tree I was in. Kakashi stood on the branch opposite of me, reading his book. I snapped a picture of Itachi staring up at me, he had the eyes of a confused owl and the face of a lost puppy… damnit, I can only resist this for so long- he tilt his head, damn Uchihas and mastering the puppy look… wait that doesn't sound right.

I smirk at Shikaku, "I win, pay up, un!" Hopping off my branch, I practically skip to the Nara and hold out my hand. This earned me a defeated chuckle and a wad of bills landing in my palm.

"You really do know people, Deidara-san. I have full support of this." Of course Shikaku was somewhat upset that he lost the bet, but at the same time was happy for Kakashi's choice.

Itachi waved his hand to catch my attention, "Dei… what's going on?" He takes off the hat, nearly dropping it when he realized that he had the Hokage's hat on his head.

"We need a new Hokage while Tsunade is unconscious. The clan heads wanted Kakashi has Hokage due to him being a student of Minato, un. But they also wanted my input…"

Shikaku joined in, "Deidara-san shot down the elders' and the lords' inputs. He wagered that Kakashi would make you Hokage instead. If Kakashi didn't then he would have been Hokage, and if he did pass the hat to you… We all agreed to support you wholeheartedly… and also I betted 10,000 ryo." I pat the man's back in sympathy.

"I never make bet unless I know the odds were in my favor, un." The elders at this point were glaring at me, not like I cared, "Soooo… what do you say, Itachi?"

My owlish husband blinked at me slowly, then looked at the hat, "But… I… This is…" He looks to Kakashi, "Are you sure?"

Kakashi looked up from his book, a rare genuine grin was on his face behind that mask, "You've done so much to ensure the safety of this village, always thinking for the future of the village. You, are a true Hokage. Not me." Wow… that was a very mature answer, "Also I didn't want to deal with the drama it came with and Naruto's too young." There we go! There's the Kakashi answer!

Itachi didn't speak for a moment. He slowly rubbed the rim of the hat with his thumb, admiring it. Straightening his back, he bowed lowly to Shikaku and the elders, "I will do all I can for Konoha, please support me in this. I humbly accept the title of Rokudaime Hokage."

Shikaku smirked, "I'll go inform the clans." Turning at his heel, he left without a word. The elders gave Itachi a slight bow before also leaving.

Taking the hat from Itachi, I plop it on his head, "Oh you look so cute!" Clapping my hands in delight, I wave Kakashi over, "Look at him! So mature and absolutely precious!"

"You sound more like a doting mother than a supportive husband." Kakashi chuckled and examined the now flustered Itachi, "It suits you."

"Thank you Kakashi…" Itachi looks to me with a smirk, "Naruto is not going to be happy with this."

I roll my eye, "He'll get over it. Let's go pick up the twins, it'll take a few days for the announcement to be official, un." Creating a bird, we hopped on it and flew off to the house.

Before we even landed I was yanked off the bird and hands were instantly all over me. Madara was frantically patting down my body, sharingan shifting, looking for signs of pain. I swear if I didn't stop him now he would hold me upside down to check for blood flow.

"Madara-sama?"

"The connection had broken for a few hours. You died." It was not accusation, he stated it as a fact, "You died and none of us could figure out why, then you suddenly came back."

I began twiddling my fingers, "W-well, you see… I uh… I was… I mean I…" How do I explain to Madara that I messed up? There's no explanation, I let my guard down. I didn't have to speak anymore though, as I was soon pulled into a tight hug, a gloved hand weaved itself into my hair to keep me still.

"Don't do it again. I don't want to have to deal with that grief again… Like when I lost Izuna..." I go ragdoll in his arms, letting him think to himself. That is, until he noticed Itachi, "You're Hokage now?" That single phrase brought out Hashirama and Tobirama.

"Ah! Congrats Itachi-san! You're the first Uchiha to become Hokage!" Hashirama clapped Itachi on the back, the force sent my husband into a series of coughs, "Tobirama and I will give you some advice! Come on!" Before Hashirama could drag him away, Tobirama slammed his hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Let the man spend time with his children, ani*." Tobirama gives Itachi a nod of acknowledgement before yanking his brother back to give him space. Hashirama lost his balance and proceed to fall on his ass in the process, "Have some dignity ani, you are the Shodai Hokage."

"Then don't tug on me, Tobirama!" I couldn't help but snicker into Madara's chest, I could barely see my surroundings but Hashirama never fails to bring me amusement.

Itachi bows to the Hokages before rushing to the bassinets, Madara lets me go so I could join him. Without hesitation we both scooped up an infant in our arms, pleased to see them instantly relax at the sight of us. Even though we were separated from them for only a few days, I could feel their difference in weight and strength, babies really do grow fast.

Nuzzling Minami's face with my nose, I sit down next to Izuna to finally allow my body to relax after several days of stress. Itachi quickly followed suit, setting down his Hokage hat and sighing.

Izuna gently booped Minami's nose, causing her to squirm in my arms, "Will you and Itachi have more children besides these two?" He smiled softly when she sneezed in my arms and proceed to try and hide her face from Izuna's finger.

With a soft sigh, I shake my head, "I doubt it, I've grown up always only wanting two children, un." Itachi nods in agreement with me, somewhat focused on Shisui's endless demands for his dad's attention, "And if they all somehow awaken their mangekyou it would cause problems for the future. The last thing I want is for them to fight over their eyes…"

Itachi's face pinched up slightly, before his eyes lit up in realization, "Dei… Sasuke had awakened his mangekyou sharingan after you had died."

I arch my neck in confusion, my voice laced with mild annoyance, "Is that so? He never told me this… great, just great." I bow my head while exhaling a large amount of air, "I'll have Sakura prepare an eye transfer for you two once the hospital has been rebuilt. Knowing Duck-kun, he'll spam those eyes until he goes blind, un." Memories flash of the anime, how Sasuke was going blind after barely a month of having the mangekyou, yet Itachi lasted almost 10 years with only minor eyesight problems.

Deciding that he's waited long enough, Hashirama plopped down in front of Itachi, grinning like a kid in the candy shop, "Okay, so tell me what you have planned for the village!" Eager much?

I slam my hand against my forehead with a groan, suddenly feeling tired. Taking Shisui from Itachi's grasp, I go to another room where Madara followed me like a lost puppy. Passing the babies into his arms, I pull out a futon and throw off my coat, "Wake me up when Hashirama is done talking Itachi's ear off, okay?"

Madara rolled his eyes with a smirk, handing the twins back to me, "Just rest Deidara, I'll stay nearby." I have a feeling that he's not going to let me out of his sights for a long time.

With the reassurance of not being alone, I laid the twins down on either side of me, making sure they can't roll over or get hurt in the process. Closing my eyes, I hear Madara shut the nearby blinds, and sleep taking over my conscious.

* * *

 **Happy that Deidara is back? There is no way I would have continued this story without my SI. So an explanation for why I had killed Deidara: Remember how I said my beta and I determined character's fates with a coin toss? Well… Nagato lost that coin flip, and as I was planning things out it struck me, "Hey… why don't I kill Deidara?" and then it went from there. That way I could use his reanimation plot no jutsu thingy and have it be impactful still, cause in an alternative version I could just have Deidara get Pein to betray Obito… but coin toss. Also spoilers: Konan is going to live. :D**

 **Next chapter is not going to be any real story progression, in fact it's gonna be like the filler series right after the Invasion arc. Since the fic is reaching its final stretch, I will not be able to fill in all of the side stories that I had in mind in those last dozen or so chapters… so I am going to have that chapter be dedicated to flashback land. In it will be some stories I have promised like Kimimaro meeting the Hyuuga elders, and also confirming a ship that no one has been able to guess so far.**

 ***** On multiple occasions when the dead communicate with the living, they are always blissfully unaware of what is going on. Hashirama and Tobirama seem confused seeing an old Hiruzen, Kakashi had to tell Haku and Zabuza that they are a part of the edo tensei, and Kakashi also had to tell his life story to his father. Everyone that died seem ignorant to what is going on, so I'm going with the idea that they cannot see the living.

* In the anime Tobirama calls Hashirama ani, which in kanji form means elder brother and sounds very old fashion.

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week with a crap ton of side stories. Kage summit arc will happen after that.**

 **Bye!**


	44. Filler

**Hey guys, filler time! Like I mentioned in the previous chapter, this one contains a bunch of side stories that most likely would have been unable to be put in future chapters. I made these originally with the intent on lengthening my chapters, but since this fic will be over in the next… 10 or so updates, I wanted to put out the ones that I have been promising for a while. This does not mean that there will be no more side stories… it's just a precaution.**

 **Just a heads up, I tried to make these in chronological order, but are not back to back. I will state when these happen in correlation to the main story.**

 **Thank you guys for the fave, follows and reviews!**

 **Venahope: Oh god B… I have been dreading for his arrival in the fic, love the character, love him a lot… but I can't rap. Do forgive me if I keep his appearance brief, and he won't be getting Samehada since Kisame won't fight him.**

 **Ringo1327: I know, but I have school to deal with so I can't update more often. Not to mention with my level of standards now, I need to make sure I can keep on producing quality chapters.**

 **MidnaMoo: It was pretty obvious that I would bring him back. ^^ No way could I continue the fic without my SI, it wouldn't feel right doing that.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Konan is my favorite female character, I hated that she died due to Kishimoto pulling a brand new jutsu out of nowhere. Oh man… if canon Deidara met Fugaku and Mikoto he would lose his marbles. From a western standpoint Fugaku is not the best father, but in my opinion with how fathers are portrayed in Japanese animes that take place in modern Japan… Fugaku is actually a pretty good father. He at least spends time with his kids, even if it's to train them. The novels actually hint that he was pressured to do a lot of things from his unhappy clansmen, so the poor guy had a lot of crap to deal with.**

 **himekuroyuki853: Hope everything is doing good with your testing! The 5 Kage Summit arc is gonna be fun for me to write.**

 **Guest: I'm using the Japanese anime, and when Tobirama and Hashirama meet Sasuke. At one point he calls Hashirama ani. Animes and manga are never consistent with honorifics.**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: I don't plan on giving the kids the speech impediment, as that would be hard to keep up with in typing and the twins are gonna be doing… twin stuff. So you know, talking a the same time and such when they get older.**

 **MLOM: Yeah, I know it's a little anticlimactic but it was something I've been wanting to do for months now, so I did it anyway. Sakura is a pretty forgetful character, if she was on any team but the main team, I bet she would be forgotten pretty quickly… or if the fan community didn't make her a meme with how useless she was she would have been forgotten.**

 **silentnight00: Madara really cares about Deidara, so at this point his reactions are always fun to write.**

 **TheDeadGirlRisen: Thanks for giving my story a chance! I always get really excited when readers test out my story and finding out that they like it!**

 **Nekoboy13: Oh well, if you don't like the story I ain't gonna force you.**

 **Roberto Pelotudo: I had to use google translate/my beta who can read Spanish to translate for me, thanks for taking a look!**

 **hartman227: Thank you! Glad you are liking the story!**

 **Warning: Violence, language, homosexual relationships and petty old fossils, polite Deidara, pregnancy mood swings, crossdressing, Anko. My beta and I had fun listing these.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Nuff said.**

* * *

 **Side story #13 Ukon and Sakon (whenever Deidara became an ANBU captain, I forgot if that happened on screen yet so that's why it's on the top)**

I fold my arms, pleased with the sight in front of me. In Tsunade's office stood Ukon and Sakon wearing ANBU masks. Their masks were definitely different from the normal masks, they remind me of traditional western theater masks with half being white and the other black. Sakon had the one with the giant smile and Ukon had the frowning mask. Thankfully, it was the 2D style and not the hyper-realistic designs.

"Deidara, Ukon and Sakon have agreed to be a part of your squad. They go under the code name… Gemini? I never heard of it, but I'm assuming you taught them that word." Besides Tsunade, there was also another person. A very familiar dark haired boy with a white birds mask, random ink splatters covering it.

We just need a genjutsu user and this group would be perfect.

Slipping on my mask, I change my voice and hairstyle, "This will be a trial run for you two. I am Okami and the one next to me is Magpie*, we will give you details on the way." Without warning I leap out the window and was pleased when the three teens were hot on my heels.

Sakon inclined his heads towards me, "What's the mission?"

"A daimyo wants a scroll that was stolen from him back. Intel located the bandits that took it, our job is to get in, get the scroll then get out while causing as little issues as possible." As disappointing as it was that we couldn't go and kill them all, there was a tiny problem with doing that.

Ukon scoffed, "Why don't we kill everyone?"

"Because it's mostly guarded by rogue samurai that all worked in the Land of Iron."

Everyone went silent. We heard of the rumors about these samurai. They're powerful, enough to take on strong shinobi, even the Akatsuki avoided them most of the time. Stealth is of the most importance in this operation and my jutsu are anything but stealthy.

But that's what Sai is for.

We reach the hideout by nightfall, all of us easily morphed into the shadows even with my stupidly bright blond hair. A plus on samurai, they're strong and honorable… but I've met goats that were smarter than some of these idiots.

Ukon and Sakon morphed into one form and Sai released ink rats to scurry the hideout. I, on the other hand, wanted to keep people busy. Which is why I caused… a little show.

"KATSU!"

The sky illuminated with fire and smoke, the explosions were almost deafening as samurai and missing nin scrambled to find the source of the explosion. No one was getting hurt and I remained hidden. At some point I began filling my clays with dyes, causing multiple men to come out of the smoke looking like the Easter Bunny used them as a canvas.

Thinking that this was satisfactory, I sneak inside after the boys… I did say the point of this mission was to be stealthy… right?

"Heh! These guys are so weak!" Sakon was currently gutting a shinobi while Ukon was possessing a samurai. Sai was… letting this happen. If I was a cat I would be puffed up by now.

I grit my teeth together, "Magpie, keep them in line while I collect the scroll." They really are ment for close combat and speed, I cannot picture them sneaking at this point. A nod from Sai sent me in the direction of the scroll. The entire area was guarded, since our cover was going to be blown from the pastel posse outside, I just used a C4.

Once the guards were killed, I kick open the door and found the scroll in a matter of seconds. Absentmindedly grabbing a handful of scrolls that this group had also stolen and pocketed them.

"Okami… why don't we just destroy this group right away?" Sai motions to the fact that Ukon and Sakon are already killing more men, "It would save the trouble of dealing with them later."

He… has a very good point.

"We were not ordered to wipe them out. And as ANBU our duty is to follow Hokage-sama's orders to a T without fail." I grab the twins by their collar and yanking them back, "That includes getting out of here. Now." My tone left no room for argument, we fled the building before more guards could show up.

Dropping off the scroll to Tsunade, I read through the scrolls I did take and was pleased with what I found. With a satisfied smile I make a beeline for Ukon and Sakon's apartment, barging in.

"Wanna finish what you started, un?"

After all, she gave the orders to not kill when an ANBU. She never said we couldn't deal with them in our own free time.

 **Side Story #14 Mei and Anko (When Deidara ditched the Sora arc)**

What do you get when you have two pregnant women in the same room together? A ton of tears and emotional moments… and if you have long hair you become a dress up doll.

"Dei-chan! Your hair looks so cute when put down!"

"Haku please stay still while I paint your lips."

The things we do to please the women we love. Currently, I'm being forced into a frilly Victorian style outfit that reminds me way too much of Ciel Phantomhive's clothes from Kuroshitsuji, but with long pants. I don't even want to know HOW Anko got her hands on western clothes. I am also dying as she grabs large chunks of my hair and is trying to curl it. I don't like heat and I don't like my hair being messed with.

Haku is having it easier, Mei is turning him into a little Japanese porcelain doll… to be fair, she's shoving him in a 12-layer kimono. So the misery is mutual between us.

We had initially said no to the dress ups, but since it was their baby shower and some crying convinced us to let them do as they pleased. Behind us was a bunch of giggling women. Relatives of Mei's and some of her close friends had come to celebrate the lives growing in her's and Anko's stomachs.

"Oh they are just dolls!"

"If only the blond wasn't married, so handsome in that suit."

"I wonder if he knows about Haku-kun's girlfriend?"

I love gossiping women sometimes. Eyeing Haku, I give him a smirk, "Well then…" He chose to ignore me, but I could see the blush under all that powder.

Once we were dressed, all of the women got out cameras and started taking photos. I love dressing people up, but I hate being the doll in the activity. Needless of my petty complaints, I posed as they asked and even took pictures with the women, Anko and Mei included. Haku just had to sit there and look pretty for his photos.

Speaking of Haku, he gently turns his head to Mei, "May I wear my normal clothes now… kaa-san?" The room went silent as Mei's eyes slowly lit up with glee. Shit, hormonal happiness, time to cover my ears.

"You called me kaa-san!" Mei clapped her hands in delight as she hugged Haku tightly. She suddenly bursted into tears as Haku struggled to hug back, "I-I never thought you w-would c-call me that! Yes, you may change." She kisses her son on the cheek before drying her eyes. Damn, she bounced back fast. I guess she's going to have more mood swings than some pregnant women.

I had to help Haku out of his kimonos, they never seemed to end as I just tossed layer after layer. Once we got to the undergarment layer, I allowed Haku to dress in his normal shinobi gear by himself. For some reason, my suit is extremely comfy, so I'm going to keep it on until it's time to leave.

While the girls opened their gifts, Haku slipped out of the room. Mei noticed and gave all her guests a knowing grin, now I'm curious. I look to Anko for permission to leave.

"Go on ahead Dei-chan, I'll be fine!" Now, usually when a woman says that, she really means "sit your damn ass down and be with me". But her frantic waving me away meant "gooooo aaaaawwwwwaaaayyyyyyyyyy", thankfully, she's as much of a shipper as I am.

Leaving the building, I used my sensing abilities to track down Haku in the village, the last thing I want to do is get lost in this place. This place is so easy to get lost in, turn left and you see mist, turn right and there's a wall… and then you go through the mist and there's a shinobi that wants to kill you. This is why I always keep clay on me at all time, kiddies.

Keeping my distance from him, I followed the boy to a little tea house where he sits at the table with someone already there. I couldn't see Haku's face, but zooming in my scope, I was pleasantly surprised to see a rather cute girl smiling at him. She was plain, not too pretty and not ugly in the slightest. She had shoulder length brown hair, large shiny brown eyes and a pale complexion like many civilians in Kiri. I didn't approach them. Their body language was enough for me to approve of this, Haku was earnestly talking to this girl while she patiently listened with an interested smile on her face. After he was done, she would begin talking then crack a joke. I never would have thought I would see that boy throw his head back in laughter, but here I am, watching him die at whatever she said.

"She's someone who makes medicine." Jolting slightly, I look up to see Zabuza watching with a calm gaze, "Pretty good at it too. Haku met her while he was gathering herbs and it bloomed from there. He's been teaching her how to use senbons and she's been teaching him her trade. The girl is named Yui and her father graduated a year after me from the academy."

I nod slightly before returning my attention to the pair, Yui slid something to Haku and I see her say "Mei-sama". Haku looked into the bag before smiling brightly at her, nodding in what appeared to be approval.

"Got Mei-chan a gift, un. She seems sweet." I hear Zabuza grunt in agreement, of course he would approve of her. I could tell she was a gentle soul, perfect for the boy, I could just imagine them growing old and still having such loving smiles as they do now. He doesn't need some glamor girl or kunoichi to be his love, he just needs someone who will give him as much love as he gives them.

"Now… please tell me why you are dressed like this?" Zabuza lightly kicks my leg as Haku and his lady leave the tea shop, still chatting. I finally got a good look of Haku's face before looking at Zabuza in annoyance, and yes, the boy is completely head over heels for this girl.

I look down at myself before blushing in embarrassment, "Mei-chan and Anko made Haku and I dress up. This are comfy… so I got lazy, un." I really do look ridiculous in this outfit. Considering I'm a shinobi and not some fancy noble, I stick out like a sore thumb.

Suddenly, it felt really itchy, lovely… it has that kind of material.

"Urgh…" I press my hand against my chest, an odd habit I have to keep me from feeling itchy material, "I need to change, un."

"That's what I thought kid." He ruffles my hair, completely ruining whatever style Anko made it, "And don't curl your hair again, it makes you look… weird." Tell that to Anko. I still don't know what she did with it and now you ruined it.

30 minutes later I had showered and straightened my hair back to its normal appearance. Thankfully Mei understood my hatred for curly hair and agreed to let me use her bathroom. Her shampoo smelled nice, she uses quite a bit of natural products too.

Returning to the party room, I was greeted with a question that I… should have seen coming.

"Hey Dei-chan, what does a breast pump do? Sounds painful!"

...Maybe the Sora arc would have been less hectic… nahhhh.

 **Side Story #15 Ino (A few days after Hidan and Kakuzu's death)**

'Okay… this is an odd state of development...' Was the one thought running through my head as I sipped tea at Ino's house. For some reason she had invited me over, wanting to discuss something important.

"I never got to properly thank you… for saving Asuma-sensei's life." I blink owlishly as Ino bowed her head to me, "So thank you… thank you so much."

For some reason, I lost my ability to taste the tea, and swallowing was harder, "You don't need to thank me Ino, I was doing my duties as Asuma's comrade… did you invite me just to talk about Asuma?" Now it was Ino's turn to give me big eyes. Honey, I live with an Uchiha, if I can read my husband I can read a teenage girl.

Not to mention, I was one before.

Ino tucked her hands close to her lap, fidgeting them causing her shoulders to shift. Why do girls in animes do that? Not to mention why to me? I thought girls only did this when expecting a kiss?

"You and… Itachi-san are happy… right? Even though you two are men?"

I nod, a few guesses start appearing in my head.

"Then… can… can it work with two women too?"

Okay, my guesses just dropped to one idea, "Depends on the girls, but it is possible. One of the perks to girls being together is that they understand how each others' bodies work, and can work with the emotional swings… and the need for chocolate." I had to smirk when Ino blushed at the comment.

"Wh-why do you always have to be so blunt? Can-can't you ever talk like a guy for once?!" Her eyes slammed shut as her voice went up several pitches. She's so red now.

"Nope, un. Get to your point hun."

Suddenly Ino stretched her neck out like a giraffe, "Can we talk somewhere else…?" I turn my head to see Inoichi entering the house, watching us with interest. Oh how I love this world's timing.

"Deidara-san."

"Yamanaka-sama." I dip my head in a bow then return my attention to Ino, "He's gonna learn eventually."

Ino made a displeased whiny sound before shrinking in her seat, "I… like… Karin…" I blink once, "Fine… I… love Karin… a lot… and I… think she feels the same…" I could hear Inoichi's back straighten suddenly.

"Better go ask her then. I heard some cute boys thinking about asking her out. Something about wanting to… what was his wording…? 'Getting some with the sexy redhead', un? He didn't grunt though."

"WHAT?!" Owwwww Ino, you have a very high-pitched voice. She slammed her hand on the table before sprinting to the door, only stopping when Inoichi placed a hand on her shoulder, "... tou-san…?"

"I want you to be happy, and if this makes you happy, I will not argue… but I also want grandkids. So make sure you and Karin can give me some." With a loving smile, Inoichi gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead before sending her off to find Karin, "... Was this planned?"

I raise my hands in apathetic self-defense, "Nope. Those two fell in love on their own, I just brought Karin to the village, un." Hell, Karin met Ino through Sakura! I barely even spoke to Ino before the chunin exams, let alone acknowledged her existence, "I was banking on Ino dating this other boy I know… but I guess fate wanted to play their hands at this."

Inoichi paused for a moment to think about this, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "Granted, I would have turned down almost any boy she brought home… yes, Karin is good. Very good. I like the girl. She's smart and a little hot-headed like all Uzumakis. Ino needs someone she can butt heads with but still smile at the sight of them." Still muttering to himself, Inoichi left to talk with his wife. Father logic: All boys are potential threats to their daughters. Thankfully, this father likes his offsprings potential partner, saves me playing matchmaker later on.

Seeing no reason to stay any longer, I place the tea cup in their sink, rinsing it out then leaving.

I didn't look for them, I gave them their peace. But I also couldn't help but chuckle when I heard from Sakura the next day that Ino gave this one boy a bloody nose for asking Karin out. And I also silently cheered seeing them holding hands in the Yamanaka flower shop later that week.

 **Side Story #16 Kimimaro (A few days after mentioning that he needs to speak with the Hyuuga elders, when Naruto was learning rasenshuriken)**

 **Kimimaro's POV**

I couldn't stop fidgeting with my kimono as I waited for nii-sama to finish getting dressed. We were at his house preparing to go to the Hyuuga estate, and my heart would not stop hammering in my chest, a thousand fears flowed into my mind like a rapid river.

'What if they disapprove of Neji and me? What if we have to break up? Would being in a relationship with me shame Neji? What about otouto's potential relationship with Hinata-san?'

"Kimimaro, if you think any louder you're gonna start talking, un." I jump a foot in the air as Nii-sama almost dramatically flung the screen door open with a sharp clack. He leaned his forearm against the wooden frame, amused at my internal dilemma.

Even though I was in a plain dark blue mens Kimono, Nii-sama was wearing a woman's, as usual. Dark blue, almost black with lighter blue ocean patterns and an off-white Obi. His hair was tied up with a pair of ornamental chopsticks sticking out of the bun, and bangs pinned back to the side with some clips hidden behind his ears. Honestly, he looked like the matriarch of a clan than a shinobi of Konoha at this moment. But being married to Itachi does make him a matriarch of some kind.

Nii-sama tugged at his sleeve, "Like my kimono? I got it as a wedding gift from Mei. I'm surprised she remembered my size, un." Waltzing over to me, he double checks my clothes before nodding in approval.

"Y… Yes Nii-sama, it is beautiful." Slipping on my sandals, I followed him to the Hyuuga estate. Suddenly, the place became something I was afraid to enter.

Why was I so nervous? I've been coming here almost daily since Nii-sama introduced me to Neji… but the atmosphere felt so… different. Despite how loose the clothing was, I felt like I was suffocating under the cotton as we reached the gates. Nii-sama never once missed a beat in his step, never lowering his head or flinching as the gates open. Why couldn't I be brave like him?

A branch member escorted us to a large traditional room, in it were several elder Hyuuga men, Hiashi-sama and Neji. Neji was in a grey kimono, head bowed almost submissively as he sat next to Hiashi-sama. Not once did he look at me. The room was designed to make Nii-sama and I look like the inferior beings, out in the open for all eyes to see. Made me feel like a rat under a magnifying glass.

"You're late, Deidara." The scold was fake, Hiashi-sama was just as uncomfortable as Neji and I. The only ones that were calm were Nii-sama and the elders, but even then I could sense hints of weakness within the men.

"On the contrary, we are early." I snap my head at Nii-sama, he was using formal language, something I didn't even know he was capable of. Keeping his head high Nii-sama flattened his kimono at the shin as he sat on a cushion. I followed suit, sitting behind him as he is my guardian and thus the elders must talk to me through him. If I am to be spoken to at all.

Slowly sliding his hands from his lap to the tatami, Nii-sama bowed to the point where his forehead touched the ground, "A pleasure Hyuuga-sama and company. I am Uchiha Deidara, matriarch of the Uchiha clan and guardian of Kaguya Kimimaro. We hope you will be kind to us."

I sat there stiffly for a moment, before mimicking his actions, "My name is Kaguya Kimimaro, last member of the Kaguya clan. Please be kind to my elder brother." I felt humiliated, but pride was something to swallow in this incident.

Nobody moved for the longest time, it was like the elders were sizing us up. Eventually, what I assumed was Hiashi-sama's father, spoke up.

"You two have been trained in your manners well, despite neither of you being from higher ranked clans." I could hear the shuffling of a kimono, I am to assume he also bowed, but not as deep as Nii-sama and I. He was the elder and we were to be polite to him.

Only until Nii-sama breaks their control of course.

I hear Nii-sama raise and I follow suit, "We are here to discuss the relationship between Kimimaro and Neji, correct?"

"There is nothing to discuss, will not allow Neji to continue a relationship with another man. He will marry a Hyuuga woman and produce powerful children. He is too talented to die fruitless." My hand tightened its grip on my kimono, trying to contain my anger that was bubbling over. Thankfully, Nii-sama was the one doing the talking.

"Neji is a branch member and not part of the main house. Him not producing children has no effects on the clan and you know this." Not once has he used his speech impediment… I have to wonder if he can actually control it.

"He is still our blood, and that blood shall continue."

"Then you should remove the curse mark on his forehead if that is the case."

"Impossible. The seal remains until he dies and then the byakugan is sealed away."

"But he is your grandson and directly related to you and your bloodline."

"Hizashi was born second and was made the leader of the branch. Neji will take that role when he is 18 and a marriage will be arranged for him."

"Why was Hizashi, your son, sentenced to be a branch member, yet I have met several Hyuugas that are the main house? Why does the main house consist of more than just you, Hiashi-sama and his children? Why are YOUR brothers," Nii-sama gestures to the other men in the room, "part of the main house, but the moment your wife had twins you ship the younger into the branch?"

Everyone was frozen, he had a point. It made no sense for there to be main house members like Ko, who is Hinata-san and Neji's relative but not directly part of Hiashi-sama's bloodline. I sneak a glance at Neji, who's entire attention was focused on my brother. Nii-sama had this odd ability to take people's history and twist them for his gain… what is he planning?

One of the elders spat out in hostility, "That is not the business of an outsider, especially one that doesn't understand how to dress correctly! We are here discussing these two boys' disgusting relationship!"

Disgusting? Neji and I love each other. I would give up my life to protect Hinata-san and Hanabi-chan just like him. How… how is our love… or Nii-sama and Itachi's love… any different?

Nii-sama didn't move for a moment, but then with the grace of a spider, he cups his right elbow with his left hand, and places his right palm under his jawline. His body slowly relaxed as a perfectly manicured nail lightly tapped his cheek and an almost feminine chuckle erupted from his chest. I couldn't see his expression, but I knew his infamous smile was on his lips.

"Neji and Kimimaro can easily produce children, as Itachi and I are expecting twins in a matter of months. Besides… I don't see how any of you have a right to decide their lives. All of you will be buried 6 feet underground before my own children even reach the academy." I could hear the smugness in his voice, like he won a game of shogi, "The fact that you had to bring my outfit into this is highly amusing. How could I not wear such a generous gift from the Mizukage?"

"How dare you-!"

"Your only hold of Neji is the mark on his forehead. I bet I could remove it in a week… no… before sunset. I could free the bird from its cage."

Hiashi-sama's father has been silent ever since Nii-sama brought up Hizashi and the flaws within the clan. With a tired sigh, the old man waved to Neji, "If you can remove his curse mark. I will not only adopt him into the main house… but he may also resume to have a relationship with your brother, provided that if they get married, they continue the Hyuuga bloodline." Something in my gut was telling me that he knew this was a bet that Nii-sama would win. The other elders seemed to scoff at the idea, but held their tongue.

Checkmate, "Neji, come here." Nii-sama waved Neji over with an authoritative tone. He scrambled to his feet to stand in front of my brother. Neji looked at me, the left corner of his mouth twitched, as if trying to smile at me but remembering where he was. I kept my eyes focused on his pale orbs. My faith in Nii-sama unwavered no matter what he planned, but the room felt cold. I didn't like this.

Without a word, Nii-sama shot to his feet and yanked the bandages off of Neji's forehead, the white material daintingly piled at his feet. Reaching into his sleeve, Nii-sama slammed a seal on Neji's forehead with an audible smack. When did he get that?

"Deidara-san?"

"Just let it happen Neji. RELEASE!"

Neji's toxic green mark glowed a painful red, like it was on fire. He collapsed to the ground, writhing in pain like a dying animal, screaming to the heavens as steam emanated from his forehead.

I got to my feet and quickly kneeled beside him, letting him grip onto my hand as it was the only thing he seemed to be able to consciously do besides scream. I noticed all of the Hyuugas had their byakugan activated, watching this whole ordeal from Neji's chakra points. But Neji wouldn't stop screaming, every breath was released in this foreign sound that I have never heard from this boy before. Why wouldn't it stop…?

I feel Nii-sama's fingers dig into my scalp, massaging it as he coldly stared at the elders, "I'll inform Tsunade of the update, un." With that statement, Neji went limp.

Panicked, I place my head on his chest, sighing with relief as I heard his heart racing. I look up to my brother, "Nii-sama… what did you do?" In the corner of my eye, it looked as if the curse mark was scorched off, as there was only faint black lines where the mark use to be.

"I removed the mark, didn't know it would hurt him that badly though. I tested it once on a branch member of my ANBU squad as they were dying and he didn't want to return to Konoha. That burned mark should heal, un." He said it so casually, like he didn't just change Neji's fate, "Go put him to bed Kimimaro, you can stay the night with him. Is that alright, Hiashi-sama?"

"I have no qualms with that, they have shared a bed plenty of times before..." I feel my cheeks heat up at the tone, was he implying...? Oh Kami, please no, there are elderly people in the room.

I could feel Nii-sama perk up in interest before patting my shoulder, "Baby, I know you are just experimenting with Neji… but no sex before marriage and do use a condom anytime you want disobey me and get frisky."

Nii-sama, please stop. We are in front of Neji's grandfather and great uncles! How can he go from serious and formal, to openly tease me like this in a matter of seconds?

"Hanabi was the one that discovered them, then asked me questions. Her byakugan training has allowed her to see beyond walls now." That makes it worse!

"Oh really? Mind if I take her in as a student? I miss training others, un."

"I usually wouldn't argue, but Hinata's rebellious phase was bad enough with your influence. Hanabi is already getting an attitude that I do not want you to encourage."

"Oh come on Hiashi-sama, it was just nail polish and makeup, she was experimenting. Girls do that, un." When was this?

Seeing the subject being diverted away from us, I adjust Neji and pick him up bridal style. Nii-sama helped Neji wrap his arms around my neck so carrying him was easier. He kissed me on the cheek before looking to the elders again, "I hope we will not have a repeat of this when Naruto comes for Hinata's hand in marriage, un." Like a ghost, Nii-sama disappeared through some doors and left the estate.

I slowly made my way to Neji's bedroom, keeping attention on his sleeping face. On occasion he would nuzzle against my chest, before sighing and resume his death like state. Reaching his room, I lay Neji in his bed and lay down next to him so the first thing he sees is me. I want to make sure he knows that I am not going to abandon him.

Brushing the long, chocolate bangs off his face, I scoot over and kiss his now mark free forehead. I've kissed this forehead so many times before, and now I can kiss it knowing that he was no longer bound to the fear of a sudden death. Taking his hand in mine, I close my eyes with a tired sigh.

"I'll see you in the morning Neji… I love you, my beautiful sparrow*."

 **Side Story #17 Suigetsu (Literally the next day after Sasuke walked in on Deidara and Itachi… you all know what I'm talking about)**

"Duck-kun, you are so grounded, un." I tapped my foot impatiently as Tsunade signed the last bit of documentation the following day of Sasuke returning with Suigetsu and Jugo. The two teens were wilting under my imposing aura while Sasuke was glaring at me heatedly.

"You can't ground me!" Oh? Wanna act like a child? Bring it on.

"Love?" I cross my arms, not even looking at Itachi standing behind me.

"Sasuke listen to Deidara, you are indeed grounded. No paints for a week." I love having this kind of power.

Sasuke sputtered incomprehensible sentences, staring at Itachi in disbelief. Beside him, Suigetsu was dying of laughter, howling even.

"Man Sasuke, you really messed up big time huh? You should have known that leaving Konoha without telling anyone would have gotten you in trouble~" He leans against the Uchiha in amusement, poking his cheek. Sasuke could only huff in annoyance looking away, "That or he's sore from last night."

I feel my cheeks heat up, "I swear to Kami…" Before I could strangle the teen, Itachi shoves a piece of chocolate into my mouth. I don't know when he got chocolate, but the raging beast has been calmed… for now.

"That is enough." Tsunade sighed in annoyance as she hands me some documents, "Have the person you want incharge of Suigetsu sign this. Sasuke, since you are the only one able to control Jugo, you will be incharge of him." Slumping in her chair she waved us off, which we all happily left the room as a result.

Sasuke looked to Jugo and nods in contemplation, "You'll live in my house for the time being, I'll see if Naruto can help me find a seal for your nature chakra." I… actually never thought of that, if Jugo can control his nature chakra without Sasuke, he could live a normal life. I doubt the boy wants to be a shinobi, he's more of a passifict than Itachi… and that says a lot. Birds lands on him frequently!

Jugo nods to Sasuke in gratitude, "I will follow you wherever you go." That… sounds familiar.

Sasuke looks to me deadpanned, "Should I introduce him to Kimimaro? He acts just like him."

Oh right! Kimimaro! I shrug, "Depends, Kimimaro doesn't socialize well with people like him." He even told me one time how he finds people like him infuriating. I sincerely cannot tell if my brother just deals with his own personality or he's a hypocrite.

Sasuke thought about this for a moment before sighing, walking off with the ginger on his heels. This left Suigetsu at my mercy.

The boy began to sweat water, I don't think this kid has anything in his body but water, "Um… you're not still mad at the whole sore comment… right?"

"I-" Another chocolate shoved in my mouth, "... love my beautiful husband and his knowledge of me. Come on, un." I head out of the building with a terrifed teenage and Itachi having this smug grin on his face. He always acts like this when I'm in chocolate mode… damn him and knowing my weaknesses.

Suigetsu kept a good five paces behind, before catching up and whispering to Itachi, "Are you sure that's a man? He acts like a woman." Thank you for noticing my charms, I can still hear you.

I could hear Itachi chuckle softly, "Considering I am his husband, I sincerely hope I would know his gender by now."

"... You and Sasuke are so alike."

"Hn."

"Damnit, that's a family thing huh?"

"You get use to it, un." I look over my shoulder at the pair, "Took me a while to understand what they said. And yes, every Uchiha does that." Except Obito, never heard him make that grunt, but he was always more Naruto than Uchiha. If he suddenly started saying a variation of "dattebayo" I wouldn't be surprised.

Reaching a large pond, we met up with Kisame who was lounging at the dock. I had sent a bird to him with a note asking to meet us here that morning. Watching the two look at each other was like holding a treat in front of puppies… deadly shark puppies.

"Well… Look what we have here. Mangetsu's little brother Suigetsu, all grown up. Uh… what is he doing here?" Kisame went from amused to confused at a record breaking speed, limply pointing at the boy in question to us.

"Sasuke brought him into the village, Dei thought you would like to train him and keep an eye on him." Itachi's face was back to being passive, talking to his former partner casually. Kisame visits often, but I have heard from Kakashi that he's been training swordplay and water techniques to promising academy students.

"I don't mind, but shouldn't it be better for Zabuza to train him?" Kisame sweat drops as Suigetsu inched towards Samehada, "My sword."

"Come on Kisame-senpai, let me fight you for it! I'm itching to get my hands on that sword!" They sound like children.

I rub the bridge of my nose, "I'm shipping him to Kirigakure after I get news from Zabuza. He's busy, with Mei being pregnant and everything, un." Mei has been nothing but an emotional mess the entire time she has been pregnant. On multiple occasions, I have heard Zabuza was nearly killed by her kekkei genkai because of a comment he made.

"Zabuza-senpai has a woman? Is she hot?" Suigetsu whistled in approval at my nod, not realizing that the nod was to the first question, "When was this?"

"A couple of years ago, I introduced him to the Mizukage and they hit it off almost instantly, un." I take a step back as Kisame got sick of Suigetsu trying to get handsy with his mummy looking sword. Without giving the teen any warnings, he swings Samehada at him, turning half of Suigetsu's body into water, "Play nice you two, un!"

Without another word, I grab Itachi's hand and drag him away as the whole area became a water battle. Well, at least the plants are going to get watered. I'll give Kisame the paperwork later.

* * *

 **So much happened in this chapterrrrrrrrrrr, my personal favorites were the Kimimaro and the Ino parts, they were ones that I have been dying to type out for a long time. To be honest I am a little surprised that no one guessed that Ino would be with Karin… considering I always have them together. But in any case, I wrote the Kimimaro one from his perspective because it would be more interesting to see everything from his eyes, the confusion and anger towards the elders as they tried to remain traditional all made this fun to write. Sorry if the old farts offended anyone, but that is the harsh reality that many homosexual couples face, some people just will not accept it. Thankfully Deidara was able to keep Neji and Kimimaro together.**

* In Japanese culture, sparrows are known for their loyalty and honor while in the west they have various meanings. One of my personal favorites is their symbolism to protect, which fits Neji's character as by Shippuden he is determined to protect Hinata and his family, while in this fic he wants to protect not only his family… but also Kimimaro.

* Magpies are black and white birds that have random patterns on them… that's it. No special symbolism was considered when deciding Sai's ANBU code, please ignore anything google may tell you about the birds.

 **Next chapter will have the 5 Kage Summit arc, I'm not sure if it will be broken into two parts or not… I doubt it, lot less drama now that Sasuke is good. So I expect to be one chapter.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you guys next week.**

 **Bye!**


	45. Summit

**Time for the 5 Kage Summit arc! Woooooo! Quick announcement I would like to make. I have mapped out the remaining chapters and how they will play out, so this fic is reaching its final stretch now.**

 **Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews!**

 **AmirreaTheArtist: Thanks! :D**

 **setokayba2n: The Suigetsu part was pretty fun to write I ain't gonna lie.**

 **MindaMoo:Jugo and Kimimaro never met in this timeline due to Deidara adopting Kimi. Jugo remained with Orochimaru all these years, and he was controlled, but it was just harder without Kimi around for Orochi.**

 **TheDeadGirlRisen: To be honest… yeah me too. So does my beta. Obito talking like an Uzumaki just seems right in our heads.**

 **cdog1019: Usually when people remember certain parts of canon in fic they tend to not be bugged as much, so it's understandable. I don't like Ino, but I can appreciate her as a character so I wanted to give both her and Karin a happy ending.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Something tells me you don't like most of the higher ranked people in Konoha or is that just me? Kidding, kidding :P but yeah I wrote them with the more traditional ideals of marriage. The world is not all sunshine and rainbows where people accept each other lovingly… if we did there wouldn't be war and certain… ahem, people in power wouldn't be a high ranked citizen in any country. The only reason why the Hyuuga elders gave in so fast is because Deidara has their heir (Aka Hinata in this timeline) under his thumb and his ability to twist things to his liking.**

 **SakuraPanda: Because I caaaaaaannnnnnn~**

 **MelonLordOfMelons: I'm glad you liked that chapter! Was the Ino and Karin pairing really that surprising? I thought I hinted it well enough with Deidara's attitude… or maybe I just made them look like really good friends, idk. I'm a straight woman and I have no clue what I'm doing. XD**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: You'll be fiiiiinnnnneee. Well, of course you are now, it's Saturday! I loved making this chapter, been a while since I just had muse after muse pop up into my head and was able to write it down.**

 **makarina: I can't tell what chapters you are reviewing because of the fact fanfiction is only telling me chapter 1. But yeah Madara is over protective to the max.**

 **Warning: Violence, language, politics, I like to keep secrets and not reveal shit**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto but I do own some copies of the manga. Any names or terminology that looks off can be blamed for the manga. Like Mifuné's name.**

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Just days before the Kage summit in the Land of Iron, Itachi had his… I guess it would be a coronation? I don't really know how this whole Hokage thing plays out considering I skipped Tsunade's. But it seemed to just have the elders and several clan heads tell everyone that Itachi was the Hokage, and then the masses cheer for him.

Barely an hour into officially getting the title, Itachi had himself and two clones nosedive into the mass of paperwork Tsunade never finished. Understandable, considering Konoha is going to need to send shinobi out on a lot of missions if it's going to fully rebuild economically. Though something caught my attention.

"Itachi… your ring…" I slowly walk to his desk and take his hand to examine it, the silver band was still there, but the ruby was gone, "What happened to the… right, I died." I bow my head in a shamed chuckle and wrap my arms around his shoulders, resting my face in the crook of his neck.

I feel his head turn slightly in my direction, before patting my head, "It's fine, you're alive and that's all that matters to me. Stone or not does nothing to reflect my love for you."

Humming softly in thought, I brush my own ringed hand over his and gently slip the band off his finger. Locking eyes with Itachi, I waited until he wrote down some instructions of a piece of paper then handing it to me, "Ask for a Taoru-san."

With a nod, I leave the temporary Hokage office and followed the instructions on the paper. This ended up leading me to a small crafts village with various shops and trades being sold everywhere. How I never came across this during my years of flying and using a fast oversized chicken I will never know. The problem I had was that everytime I asked for this jeweler, they would act like it's them and try to sell me something… most of these were blacksmiths, I wouldn't trust them with the rings if my life depended on it.

Eventually I found myself in a small shop that displayed rather beautiful jewelry, some stuff I have only seen aristocrats wearing.

"May I help you?" A rather bored looking young man leaned against the door frame staring at me. Before I could answer he already assumed my purpose, "Look lady, we don't have time for window shoppers."

Taken slightly aback by him, I clear my throat and allowed my deep voice to ring out, "Thanks asshole, I'm looking for a Taoru-san. He made mine and my spouse's rings and I need the jewel replaced, un." Folding my arms in victory as the man visibly pales hearing my voice, "And I'm a man thank you very much. I would have thought the broad shoulders and a lack of breasts would indicate that, un." Seriously, from the neck down I look nothing like a woman.

The man quickly shouted over his shoulder, "Tou-san! It's one of your customers!" before hastily vanishing through that same door. In his place came a very frail elderly man, leaning forward almost cartoonishly like on a cane.

"I don't remember seeing you around, sir…" Despite the frail appearance, he had a strong voice that was deep, hinting that he was once rather large and powerful in his youth, "What brings you here?"

I hold out Itachi's ring while also showing my own, "My husband had you make these rings… and… due to circumstances the ruby… broke."

At the word "husband" the man's eyes began to twinkle in delight and his spine started to straighten itself out, "Ahhh, the young man with the lines on his face. I remember every customer I've had in my fifty years of work, and I certainly remember this one. Ah, may I?" Holding out a shaky hand, I look at it before putting the band in his palm, "Hm… interesting."

"Pardon?"

"I know how my kekkei genkai works, this should have not broken unless… unless…" He slowly looks up at me, eyes pinching up in sadness, "To think one of my clients… before even I could reunite with my wife… you poor child..." Biting his lower lip, he holds the ring close to his mouth almost like a prayer.

I begin to fidget with my own ring, "I was brought back to life by… a friend. Do you think you could... maybe…" I was uncomfortable asking him to remake the ring. Seeing an old man's heart break at the idea of him outliving a client made guilt well up inside me.

Toaru nods, "Yes, I can remake it. Since you're here I should have it done by nightfall. Circular rubies are easier to cut than the sapphire on your ring." He motions for a table for me to sit at while he vanished into his office.

Minutes later that same girl from 2 years ago shows up with some tea. Her jealousy was so potent that I could almost taste it as gross as that sounded. Frankly, I don't blame her for being jealous, I know I would if I was in her shoes. Besides, the tea wasn't poisoned so I had nothing to worry about.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next time I opened my eyes it was dark outside. Blinking away the sleep from my eyes and then stretching until I heard a series of pops from my spine, I had to keep myself from screaming when I heard a chuckle.

"You mutter in your sleep. I guess you must have a lot on your mind to let your mouth overfill your thoughts." Toaru slowly made his way to me and hands me the newly crafted ring, "It just needs you to infuse your chakra into the ruby to work."

Staring dumbly at the red stone, my foggy mind did the first thing it could think of to infuse chakra… My palm mouth ate it.

Toaru was startled by the sudden reveal of my palm mouths, but relaxed when I had my hand spit it out undamaged. Without touching the saliva covered item, he nodded in approval after sensing my chakra, "It's good to go." He then promptly stopped me when I pulled out my wallet, "No. That isn't needed." With a shaky bow, he left the room to most likely retire for the night.

Blinking a few times, I still left money where he would find it. It doesn't matter to me what his reason was for not charging me, I wanted to at least compensate him for his time. Rubies are not a cheap stone nor are they easily harvested in this world.

By the time I had reached home I promptly flopped face first on the couch and didn't move until morning. The ring clenched tightly in my hand…

I woke up sometime later… when did I get in bed?

 _A couple of days later_

Who would have thought picking out a third person to take to the Land of Iron would be so problematic?

"Would Kimimaro be a better pick, Dei?"

"No, he's watching the twins remember, un?"

'Right… right…"

This has been going on for a good twenty minutes now. Because of Naruto's safety, the majority of people we would have considered, such as Kakashi or Sasuke, were off the table. Kisame would be too politically controversial due to his time as a member of the Akatsuki, and the aforementioned brother of mine is playing babysitter.

Crossing out yet another name on our list, I let out a sigh, "I won't be allowed to interfere in the conversation at all, none of us guards can. So we need someone who can help me in protecting you, un." Rubbing my temples with a groan I began to think of more people.

"We should bring a medical shinobi then… my eyes are getting worse, Sasuke and I will need to exchange eyes once we return home." Right… one of the biggest perks from my death, both brothers can get the eternal mangekyou now.

Wait… medical shinobi, "I have an idea."

 _Several hours later brought to you by chocobos_

Me and the cold really do not get along anymore. If I was in my old body, I could easily walk around the land of Iron in a thin jacket with some jeans and be perfectly okay. Now I'm wearing a thick cloak and sticking close to Itachi, taking advantage of him being a natural heater.

Itachi allowed me to penguin him and he… was really not bothered by the cold. He just wore long sleeves and a scarf and was walking along like it wasn't snowing at all… damn Uchihas and their fire chakra. His Hokage hat was strapped to his hip and he kept his composure perfectly when the samurai questioned who we were. Honestly, as scary and powerful as these men were, I would be more scared if they didn't look like Stormtroopers. They look like if they tried to hit me they would miss no matter what… which would happen anyway.

"State your name and business."

"Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Deidara and Uzumaki Karin are here for the Gokage summit." Holding out our travel papers, the samurai allowed us in. Karin took this time to penguin close to me for warmth. I feel bad for the girl, her and Ino were going to work at the hospital more so they could spend more time together, but she didn't think she had a right to say no to us.

Karin wore more sensible clothes compared to her usual look: long pants and a winter jacket that had fur along the hood. But like many, I know her normal outfit is under those clothes and she'll ditch the pants at a given notice. She was chosen for her sensing abilities that put mine to shame and medical training. We didn't need someone who was combat orientated, just a person who could give me a heads up and where to throw my bombs.

Not minding the penguin like action, I listen intently to her talking, "I wonder how the Mizukage is gonna handle the cold. Would she be here? Isn't she far into her pregnancy, Deidara-san?" I nod at Karin's question, really does make me wonder how this Kage Summit will function this time around. The Akatsuki is pretty much dead now, but the war is bound to happen since we lost our radar on Kabuto.

Not to mention A is gonna be extreamly pissy because Killer B made like a literal bee and buzzed off somewhere… my fault really. I sent a letter.

"She'll most likely be wearing multiple layers while traveling. I hope she's okay, she should have messaged for me and I would have had her fly here instead of walk." Even though Mei is strong in her own rights… she's on the opposite end of the continent, there is no way to justify a pregnant woman to travel on foot for that long.

Reaching the main building I see most of the Kages were already there, two of them already inside but I couldn't tell who because of distance and the snow dampening any vibrations. But I did see a redhead… no… two redheads. I think I broke the sound barrier.

"GAARA-KUN! SASORI-NO-DANNA!" Using my full speed, which startled many, I tackle the two redheads into a hug, knocking all three of us into the snow. Gaara seemed to have understood why I ran towards them, because he completely braced himself before impact. Sasori… well, he was not as fortunate and his only saving grace was that he didn't need air. I missed these two way too much for my own good, but I didn't care and I was overjoyed that Sasori was trusted enough to come here.

"Deidara-san, it's been too long. I heard you had children, congratulations." Gaara pleasantly returned the hug. Ohhhhh I love this kid! He's such a sweetheart!

On the opposite end of the spectrum, "Brat, get off of me." Sasori was staring at me in mild annoyance. I could feel his stomach cable maneuvering under his shirt and promising some stabs if I don't move. Spoil sport.

"Fine, fine Danna, un." I released the puppet, but kept my hold on the panda. Gaara didn't seem to mind the hugs, like Haku I think they either accepted my weirdness or have the desire to to make up for childhoods lacking affection.

"'Gaara-kun'?" Sounds like that came from Zabuza.

"'Danna'?!" That… was everyone else besides Itachi and Sasori, who exchanged knowing glances. Sasori had a smirk when he saw Itachi shiver at the memory.

Innocently nuzzling Gaara's face with my own, I ignore everyone's questioning expressions. But then I did a headcount of Suna shinobi, "Gaara-kun, you have three guards. I thought we were only allowed two, un." Kankuro and Temari had stepped back before I tackled the redheads, weird. Why would Gaara have two puppet masters?

"I saw value in bringing Sasori with us due to his skills as a poison master. We were able to get him past the samurai by disguising him as one of Kankuro's puppets." Oh, poor Sasori. I look to the man as he blankly listened to this conversation, guess he doesn't care as much as I do. Then again I had an almost unhealthy dislike for Gaara's older brother, so the feelings are imbalanced from the start.

Turning my attention to where I heard Zabuza's voice, "Where's Mei-chan?" Zabuza was standing with Haku and Ao, the Mizukage hat being held limply in his hand, "Why are you holding her hat, un?"

Zabuza rubbed the back of his neck, cracking it with a stretch, "Mei is not fit to travel, not until she has the baby. I'm her husband so I'm here in her stay instead." He grabs his right shoulder to roll it with a pop, "Can we all get inside and get this stupid meeting over with?"

"Finally someone addresses it." Fed up with waiting, Sasori grabs Gaara by the collar and drags him inside, "Come along young Kazekage, I hate waiting."

We stood there dumbfounded for a moment before following inside. Ignoring A's heated glare in my direction, I pat Itachi on the shoulder and hid behind the giant curtain with the kanji for fire. Karin sat beside me as the meeting began, with Gaara being the first to talk.

I forgot… I'm close with half of the Kages in this room, but it never crossed my mind that they did not like each other. Onoki was making fun of Gaara and Itachi's young age and the fact that Mei couldn't even show up. I exchanged blank glances with Karin, the older these people get the more maturity they lose.

Suddenly, there was kill intent in the room and all of us reacted at once.

"Deidara-san!"

"Kankuro!"

"I'm on it!"

A slammed his fist on the table in rage, "Enough of this nonsense!"

Every one of us guards stood protectively in front of our Kages. All of our attacks were aimed at A if he made one wrong move. His own guards stayed behind, not that I blamed them for cowering behind this man's fury.

Mifuné stood from his seat, "Enough of this! There will be no violence in this meeting!"

One by one each of the Kages began to dismiss their guards, until A pointed at me and Sasori, "You bastards stay where you are! This involves you two as well at the Hokage sitting there like the pompous brat he is!" Did he just call Itachi a…? Ohhhh no, those are fighting words.

"Wanna spell out what you mean A?" Throwing off my cloak I shove my hand in my clay pouch, no way am I gonna let this stupid alphabet talk down on anyone.

"Deidara, stand down. Hear what the Raikage has to say." My spine straightens at Itachi's authoritative tone. Feeling my mouth pull into an animalistic snarl, I keep myself in place, grabbing Sasori by the wrist so I had something to hold onto.

"The Akatsuki is made up of shinobi from all of your countries, and some of you have even utilized them in your battles! Now we have two of the Akatsuki right in front of us!" A looks to Sasori and Itachi, not bringing me involved in this… until now, "And rumor has told me that it's this blond here that has been recruiting them! Hoshigaki Kisame is also in Konoha as we speak!"

Zabuza sighed quietly, "Your point Raikage?"

"What?!"

Gaara chose to make no comment on Sasori, "Your village is the only one without connection to the Akatsuki besides losing one of your jinchuuriki. Deidara has been doing these things for several years now."

A sat there, shaking with rage before blurting out his next question, "Where's B?!"

"Do I look like his babysitter?" I take a deep breath before releasing Sasori, "I sent him a letter telling him about the Akatsuki and told him to go into hiding for now. He's suppose to show up after this meeting, so don't worry about him, un."

"And if he dies?! If the Akatsuki capture him?! How do you plan on repaying that?!"

I shrug, "He won't die. You're not the only one worrying about a jinchuuriki, so stop putting the blame on everyone but yourself. You've done nothing to help out your own, I don't see Yugito anywhere and she was one of your own. She was all alone when Hidan and Kakuzu took her… why is B any different from her, un?"

I don't hate A, I think he's a fucking badass and I admire him greatly for his love and devotion to B… but man do a lot of these guys need scolding. Moving some hair off my shoulder, I return to my seating spot by Karin while Sasori returned to his place with Temari and Kankuro.

Mifuné looked to Itachi with a baffled gaze, "Your shinobi are either fearless… or complete fools for talking in that manner. You should discipline them more Hokage-sama." He was left confused when the room was overfilled with a series of giggles, "What is so funny?"

Karin snorted slightly from laughing, "Deidara-san is his husband, and he has Hokage-sama completely whipped at this point."

Temari shouted from across the room, "Wait, I thought it was the other way around?"

Zabuza was the one to end this, "We really should focus on the task at hand. But in all truth they're both whipped by each other, can't tell who's dominant in their marriage. Now, can we continue with the Akatsuki matter?" All the adults silently agreed on Zabuza right there.

By now the Kumo shinobi were staring at me oddly, but I was too preoccupied with reading my notebook.

I feel Itachi lean forward in his seat, "The real threat is the potential within the Akatsuki's arsenal. Their leader has access to an almost endless supply of chakra thanks to the bijuu they have captured-" He pauses at A's snort, "I would like to bring up that neither Kisame nor I have captured one during our time in the Akatsuki. Sasori can testify to that. In any case… The leader of the Akatsuki is Uchiha-"

Karin suddenly whipped her head towards me, "Behind yo-!"

"HELLO!"

I actually fell out of my chair from that, "Mother fuck- ZETSU!" Yep, white Zetsu jumpscared by not appearing in front of all of the Hokages, but right behind me. Everyone else shot to their feet while I had the unfortunate situation of still being flat on my back with my feet draped over the bench I was on.

"Itachi-san, it would be wise not to continue that sentence." Reaching down, the half-faced plant reached down and decided the best way to shut Itachi up was to dangle me by my neck, "He died once, but that won't stop a second try."

Holy Amaterasu... would it KILL NOT TO GO FOR MY NECK?!

Zetsu chuckled rather insanely, "Madara-sama is gonna be here for a little talk. While that happens I'll be collecting the Hachibi- GEH!" I greeted the floor again, but with even less oxygen. A had practically teleported over to us to grab Zetsu by the throat… in the process his knee landed on my stomach. He's heavy.

"You will not go near B, you bastard!" A sickening crack was heard and Zetsu went limp.

I hear Sasori sigh nearby and the Raikage was unceremoniously thrown off me thanks to his chakra strings, "Alright brat, you're staying with Itachi for the rest of this meeting." I didn't argue as I scrambled to my feet and stood next to my husband, rubbing my bruising stomach.

"Don't worry about Zetsu, that one is replaceable." We all snap our heads up to see Obito chilling above us. Out of reflect the majority of the room threw weapons or jutsu at the man, but they all phased through him, "That won't work, I'm here to deliver a message."

Mifuné tilted his head in interest, "Message?"

"The declaration of war against the Five Great Nations."

The room felt colder all of the sudden, like the heat was sapped out by that statement. Since Zetsu referred to him as Madara, many of them were under the impression that he was Uchiha Madara. Seemed like the only ones not falling for the title is Itachi, Zabuza and myself.

Temari decided to see if she could trick him into giving information, "You and what army?"

I answered for him, "Picture hundreds of thousands of that plant guy, but can transform their appearance and sap chakra from your body using spores, un." Obito locked eye...s, with me, "What? Did you think I didn't know about your Zetsu army?" I place my hand over my heart in mock offence.

Obito hummed slightly, "I'll have to kill you soon, Deidara. But you are indeed correct. I plan on taking Uzumaki Naruto and Killer B and creating the project Tsuki no Me, what it does… well, I'll leave that to you to find out."

He's going to teleport! Weaving hand signs, "Wait! Summoning jus- and he's gone… fuck…" Now that the war is coming, I'll need to show him Madara. If Kaguya gets summoned… I don't even want to know how that will play out… not to mention I don't remember that fight at all.

Itachi looked to Gaara, as if they shared a mental link they exchanged nods. Turning to the other Kages, his voice laced with authority, "We have much to discuss. Put your petty feelings behind and listen to what I have to say. That masked man is not Madara… the real Madara is… well… Dei?"

I give Itachi a smug smirk, "Must you ask? Summoning jutsu: Edo tensei!"

 _Meanwhile, at one of the Akatsuki's many bases_

 **3rd person POV**

"You better give me a reason for not killing you, Kabuto." Obito glared through his mask at the hooded man before him. His appearance has changed dramatically, from the scaly skin to the snake that would stick out of his robes, but that voice and sinister nature was no doubt Orochimaru's right-hand man. He never liked having Orochimaru in the Akatsuki, as useful as he was the snake was always too nosy in trying to learn about the sharingan, especially when it involved targeting other members.

With a smirk that did not settle well in the Uchiha's stomach, Kabuto clapped his hands together and several coffins appeared. One by one each coffin opened to reveal Nagato, Kakuzu, Yahiko and several dead Kages, all of which were powerful in their own rights, "I heard you were starting a war, thought I would offer up my services and give you more firepower… of course, this is but a fraction of what I have been able to reanimate."

"... What are you planning? What do you hope to gain from this?" This didn't seem right to Obito, he did not have anything Kabuto could potentially want… unless…

"When Orochimaru-sama was alive, we had met up with the snake sage. As you know, summoning sages are not bound to time and space like us mortals and he provided some rather interesting information to us. One of which caught my attention. While I will not tell you what we learned… do know that I have full intention of supporting your plans… in return you will allow me to capture Uchiha Sasuke and use him as I see fit."

He had to admit, Kabuto was smart. Being vague allowed him to capture Obito's interest while also giving a reason for the partnership, and while he was curious to know what the sage had told them, it was easier to keep secrets and owe neither an explanation.

"There of course were some shinobi I was unable to reanimate." Kabuto slowly walked around his coffins, "Mainly due to Deidara keeping them alive, such as the majority of the Akatsuki… Jiraiya's entire body was destroyed and any DNA Orochimaru-sama had of him were beyond useful… and there were two others…"

Now Kabuto had Obito's undivided attention, "Others?"

Kabuto adjusted his glasses, "Uchiha Madara was one." Obito's anxiety increased dramatically at the declaration, so the snake brat knew… "Please do not try to convince me that you are the great Madara, you're not. Orochimaru-sama watched someone reanimate him during the time he attacked Konoha three years ago."

"Who reanimated him?" Obito was a breath away from wanting to rip the man's head off, the fact that someone from the other side had use of the man he is pretending to be… he couldn't imagine who would be able to do that.

"I'm fairly certain you know exactly who reanimated him."

A pause, "... No."

"Orochimaru-sama believes that he reanimated Madara by pure accident based on how they interacted, and Madara had an almost fatherly aura around him. Seems to me like he's not interested in your little project anymore and is more interested in replacing you with someone that's not even an Uchiha."

Obito clenched his fits, this was problematic and every time something appeared as a roadblock in his plans, it always had Deidara's name written on it in bright fancy calligraphy. It almost looks like he'll have to rely on Kabuto after all.

"And the other person?"

With an amused chuckle, Kabuto clapped his hands again. The coffins vanish into the ground as dozens of new ones appear, all of them circling the duo like a ritual of sacrifices. Obito wasn't sure if should laugh at the display of people he was seeing… or kill Kabuto on sight for the threat he now posed if he chose to betray him… but someone was missing if he understood Kabuto's game.

"Either Deidara reanimated the last person I wanted to use edo tensei on… or their soul has already been reincarnated into another body."

 _Back with everyone else_

 **Deidara's POV**

Thank Kami I don't have to keep Madara a secret anymore, I chose to keep the Hokages a secret for now so I had an extra trump card. But now Madara can wander around freely… except Naruto and Sasuke didn't handle this too well…

"When the hell did you reanimate him, dattebayo?!"

"Um… During the chunin exams?"

Sasuke crossed his arms, glaring up at a very amused Madara. It was like watching a kindergartener trying to intimidate a high school senior, "It never crossed your mind to keep him summoned 24/7 so you WOULDN'T have so many injuries?"

"I don't need a babysitter, Duck-kun!" I huffed in annoyance when Madara ruffled my hair, causing my ponytail to come undone in the process, "Madara-sama!"

"You're right, he does look like Izuna… just with a bigger ego." Naruto and I snicker in amusement as Sasuke's glare increased in intensity, "He does know that will give him wrinkles right? No offence Itachi." Madara casually waved at Itachi, who was chatting with Kakashi.

Itachi chose to ignore the jibe.

Coughing to get everyone's attention, "Sakura, Karin, I need you two to help Itachi and Duck-kun swap eyes. Can you do that?"

Madara jumped in, "I can guide you two in the process, I had to do it myself… but without the luxury of medical shinobi."

Karin and Sakura exchanged glances before nodding. Sakura waved the two boys inside the house Yamato built, "We'll need to put you two under anesthetics… oh, so that's why Deidara-sensei told us to pack some."

I give Sakura a "no shit" expression before kissing Itachi's cheek, "When you wake up, I'll be right there to be your light, un."

Itachi only nodded as he entered the house with Sasuke and Madara.

Throwing my arm over Naruto's shoulder, "Come on, I need to introduce you to someone."

"Eh?"

I ignored the confused sound as I dragged him to a… not so snowy area. Kakashi and Yamato were following us to make sure we were safe. I was slowly cringing the moment I could hear DJ sound effects nearby.

Kami help me, I'm meeting Killer B for the first time.

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 **Let me give you all a heads up: I ain't gonna be writing Killer B. I cannot rap to save my life and I would not be able to do that amazing character justice. He won't get Samehada like in the anime/manga but he will train Naruto… just nowhere near Deidara.**

 **Next chapter is wrapping up all pre-war stuff. The war will happen a few chapters later, I have a special 2 parter that needs to happen first. (If any of you have seen the Naruto movies, you know EXACTLY what's gonna happen. Shhhhhhhh no spoilers :P jk.)**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week!**

 **Bye!**


	46. Eyes

**Shorter than usual but that's normal for these kinds of chapters. I had a checklist of things I wanted to get done before the war and I was able to do that pretty easily right here.**

 **Thank you guys so much for the fave, follows and reviews. We hit 600 followers! Thank you guys so much for all this support, I don't know where you guys came from but I'm glad that I've been able to make this story for you all! :D**

 **MidnaMoo: Dei needs to diss some of the Kages, hell, I would be dissing them to no end if I was in Dei's shoes… oh wait, he's me anyway. XD**

 **VenaHope: Kabuto has the dead Akatsuki members, I even have him display them to Obito before the second round of the coffins. But other than that I'mma just keep my mouth shut. :)**

 **setokayba2n: that wouldn't work sadly. I don't want anyone touching my writing, especially when I don't want to weave Deidara's conversations to match what the person wrote and vice versa. Plus if that person doesn't get it done in time it delays the chapter. I can't trust someone who isn't my beta.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: The movie I use next chapter is one that I can legit recommend to people because of how fun it is. Also, when did I have Kabuto mention someone he wanted Naruto to meet? Do you mean who did Kabuto try to reanimate? Cause Naruto's meeting Killer B in this chapter and that's because of Deidara introducing them.**

 **ellainaparker: Thanks!**

 **Liliah Dark: Glad you liked the chapter!**

 **kaiokenkaizer: Thanks for the luck, and meh, wrote that bit out a long time ago but I don't regret Hiruzen talking like that. If he's gonna let Orochimaru run around scott free then why would he kill a 9 year old?**

" _Blah_ " - English. You know the drill already.

 **Warning: Violence, language, pitiful moments, character having no shame.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

Nope, I am not going near them. In the distance was B and A conversing, well… more like A beating the shit out of B and yelling at him for the scare. Honestly reminds me and how I parented my chibis, but these were two fully grown burly men.

I pat Naruto's back, "Go on, say hi. The one that's rapping is a fellow jinchuuriki, the Hachibi to be exact, un." The moment I pointed out B, Naruto rushed over after A gave B some space. In my peripheral vision, I spot Omoi and his teammates… I have to.

Casually, I walk over to the group, hands behind my back and having a friendly smile, "Uchiha Deidara, pleasure to meet you all."

"We know who you are." The girl, Karui I think is her name, crossed her arms with a glare, "What do you want?"

I pull out a rock and watch Omoi visibly pale, "Is this your rock*?" It took all of my willpower not to cackle at how miserable the guy looked. I'm going to be honest… it feels so good to mess with someone my age.

Lightly tossing him the stone, I watch Naruto and B hit it off instantly. Pleased with this, and also fearing a conversation with B, I create a bird to fly back to where all of my Uchihas were. I miss the sun already, the Land of Iron was way too cold for my liking.

Stepping into the room where I sense everyone, my eye was greeted with bloody bandages and Itachi and Sasuke passed out on futons.

"It went smoothly, you have good students Deidara." Jolting in surprise, I look to my right to see Madara leaning against the wall, arms crossed. Karin and Sakura were washing their hands and medical material and only acknowledge me in passing.

"It was Tsunade-sama that taught them, un." Giving the girls grateful smiles, I kneel by the brothers to examine them. They won't wake up for maybe another hour, but I want to take Itachi home, "Sakura, Karin, mind if I take Itachi back to Konoha?"

Sakura wiped her hands dry before nodding, "Before we put them under, Itachi expressed that if you wanted to take him home that was fine. Sasuke-kun wanted to stay here and go home with everyone once Naruto was done. I'll look out for him." Of course you will Sakura... you love him, he's safe in your hands.

"Karin, did you want to head home, un?" The redhead nodded frantically as I hooked my arms under Itachi's shoulder and knees, lifting him up like he was a baby doll. Karin tossed my cloak over Itachi's body so he stays warm and I create a bird to fly us to Konoha. Madara unsummoned himself, seeing no point in staying out when not needed.

After reaching the village, Kimimaro dropped off the twins at mine and Itachi's temporary home as Konoha was still being rebuilt. Setting them in their beds nearby Itachi's futon, I offer to walk Karin home when Kimimaro raised a hand to stop me.

"Nii-sama, I'll walk Karin home." He looked to the redhead next to me, only to slowly raise his eyebrow to a perfect arch as Karin was eagerly ditching her pants, "Um…"

"What? I have shorts underneath and everyone here is gay anyway." With a flick of her wrist, Karin threw the pants towards me. They WERE mine after all, and I effortlessly caught them too. She then shamelessly plucked at the ends of her shorts, pulling them back down to their normal length… there wasn't much of a difference.

Neither of us blinked at this, Kimimaro because he understood that Karin was merely comfortable in her own skin. For me, it was because I've done that plenty of times myself. There's nothing wrong with a girl adjusting herself.

After watching the duo leave I slip on an apron and start doing some much needed cleaning. I needed to keep myself busy so I didn't go crazy from the silence. Within an hour of doing housework, I sense Itachi stir.

"Dei…?" Entering our bedroom, I see Itachi slowly raising his arm to blindly find me. I would find this endeering if the bandages didn't remind me that he was unable to see.

"I'm here love." Kneeling down by him, I take his hand and slowly pull it to my face, "How do you feel?" I remain perfectly still as Itachi used his hand to map out my face, thumb lingering by my lips before retracting away.

"My eyes… feel powerful, it's hard to describe it. Sasuke's eyes feel so new to me… I haven't been able to see clearly in the past few years if I am to be truthful." He looked away as I see his cheeks turn a soft pink color, awww he's embarrassed.

"I figured as much, un." Everytime we are together, and interacting he's always shortening the gap between us. Even besides that, his eyes always had a slight squint. Barely noticeable, unless you're me and get close and personal with his face on a daily basis.

He chuckled softly, "The only times I was ever able to see you without a hint of blur is when you are under Tsukuyomi. The last time I was able to look at you directly and see you clearly… was when we first met."

I blinked, rather owlishly, at Itachi. His sight has been clouded for so long… well, I can assume he can see perfectly fine, but things would be somewhat fuzzy at times.

"Good to know that the most awkward stage of my life in this world is the one you saw best, un." My sarcasm came in waves at this point. I was so embarrassing back then, a little fangirl adjusting to a new environment and a new body.

"Yes… you blushed rather easily at the sight of me, called me a cutie and then became one of Konoha's most infamous manipulators. How you have grown." His smirk only grew when I lightly smacked his arm. I would have kept this up… but I can feel an unwanted presence slithering nearby. My happy moments don't seem to linger for long do they?

"Itachi… stay here, I'll be right back… the twins are in the room and are asleep, un." Silently getting on my feet, I slip on my shoes and head out into the nearby forest. Every 10 paces my steps became faster, until I was in a full on sprint. The trees were nothing more of blurs to me as I kept increasing my speed.

That is, until I was suddenly stopped by a snake.

"You caught on rather quickly, Deidara." Kabuto stepped out from behind a tree, adjusting his glasses like the smartass that he was. I felt my stomach turn at the sight of his scaly skin, I wanted to rip it apart scale by scale until he was a hunk of flesh and blood. But I would rather do it when I had free movement.

I stood perfectly still, leaning my head away as the serpent became too close to my face for comfort, "I have a large territory, and since I'm a parent now… it's my duty to remove pests, un." I had to swallow a grunt when the snake tightened its hold around me. If he thinks that this is his way of intimidating me, he underestimates not only my pain tolerance but my love for snakes.

I could feel the smug bastard's amusement as he got way too close to my oversized personal bubble, "Yes, congratulations on reaching parenthood." I really did not appreciate the tone in his voice in that statement, not at all.

"Are you here to compliment my life achievements or do you have a real reason for being an annoyance? Don't you have an Uchiha's ass that you should be kissing at this point, un?" I kept my eye focused on both the snake giving me a hug, and the snake attached to his stomach… seriously, when I first saw that snake in the manga I thought he became some kind of naga, instead he's some… weird… thing.

"Well, I was thinking about killing you and ridding this war of the risk of you meddling, but then we would lose Madara permanently. So, it would be illogical for me to try anything until you summon him." Note to self: Don't summon Madara right away, "But I have another thing I want to know…"

Ugh, why is everyone so dramatic now? That's my thing. I stare at him blankly as he was waiting for my curiosity to sink in.

"Where is Uchiha Shisui?"

That… was something I didn't expect, "What do you mean exactly?" Of course he's most likely talking about Itachi's best friend, but because my own son is named after him, I need to make sure he's not talking about my baby, "I'm not stupid, I am aware that you know about the original timeline. You were never able to find Shisui's corpse, un."

"Oh, this time I did." Well shit, "And I tried on several occasions to reanimate him, but nothing happened… tell me Deidara…" The snake tightened its grip to a bruising level now, I was struggling to breath, "Where is he?"

"How the fuck should I know?! I promised Itachi that I wouldn't reanimate his best friend and I am damn well not going to abuse his trust by being that stupid, un!" Twisting my wrist, I bite onto the snake's scaly flesh, ripping off a chunk causing the reptile to not only release me, but to also poof away in pain, "Someone else must have reanimated him."

That didn't satisfy him in the slightest, "I know full well that it's just you and me that are using this jutsu… in fact you are using the same variation that I invented, that's how you got Madara to become so young despite him dying as an old man. You've been quite the little manipulator, but I would have to say that your biggest mistake was not killing me off when you had the chance."

He's right about that, but then I would risk Orochimaru replacing him with someone better.

"I think I'll just take you with me back to 'Madara', I'm sure he'll appreciate the gift. Orochimaru-sama's chakra within you will be useful is strengthening my own jutsu." Lifting a hand to his face and a hand seal later, my curse mark burned like a hot knife on my neck.

My vision went white for a moment at the sudden pain. I had to blindly dig into my pouches as I felt Kabuto draw near me and throw a premade C1. The explosion not only sent him back, but it also stopped the pain.

Tilting my head to cause a satisfying crack, I slam my foot on the ground after making the serpent hand sign. A giant earth wall created a barrier between him and me as I ran back to Konoha, shoving my hands in my clay pouches just incase. If he was smart, he won't come anywhere near me once I reach the village… and of course he's smart. He's one of the most intelligent characters in the entire show, at least compared to the ones that lived to see the end along with Shikamaru.

Reaching the house, I quickly checked on all of the protective seals Naruto and I spent hours working on. They were all active and none of them have been used yet. With a relieved sigh, I kick off my shoes and made two cups of tea, one for me and one for Itachi of course. Reaching our bedroom, Itachi swiftly sat up and turned his head in the direction of the door. All of my movement must have woken him up, I'm rarely quiet when mad.

"Dei? What's wrong? You're out of breath…" I say nothing as I place the warm cup into his hands, "Thank you. Now please… talk to me…"

"Kabuto talked with me… he was asking about Shisui." I had to steady his hands as they suddenly started to shake. He knew that Kabuto meant his friend, I almost feel like an idiot for assuming he meant our son.

No one outside of a few Konoha shinobi know the names of our children, I haven't even told Gaara or Mei about their names and I kept all documents detailing their birth on my person. Unless Kabuto is THAT good at sneaking, there's no way he could know anything about the twins besides the fact that there are two of them.

"What did he want to know?" If those bandages were not around his eyes, I could tell his sharingan would be activated at this moment. The thought scared me somewhat.

"He… tried to reanimate Shisui, but failed and he wanted to know if I had done anything, un." I winced, expecting an accusation from Itachi on the possibility of me reanimated his best friend, but that wasn't the case. Itachi seemed lost in his own thoughts, almost staring at his cup through the bandages.

"Try reanimating him… I know, we had the agreement, but if Kabuto is trying to reanimate him then I am afraid to know what would happen if he succeeded." Using a one handed hand sign, a very familiar birdie landed on my shoulder, rubbing its head on mine in affection, "Use his eyes as DNA. Please Deidara…"

I bite my lower lip as I stroked the bird. Slowly, painfully slow in fact, I got up and head back outside to try the summoning. It was easy finding a sacrifice, and even easier collecting the minute* amount of DNA from the eyes for the jutsu. Slowly placing my hands on the seal, I bow my head in a quiet prayer. Please let this work, please let me keep Shisui away from Kabuto's control, please… let me protect the person who helped my husband become the man he is today.

"S… summoning jutsu… edo tensei…"

Nothing happened. I let out a breathless laugh at the realization.

The jutsu failed, but how was that possible? It worked when I summoned Madara and Izuna, and their DNA was at least three times as old as Shisui's. With more questions than answers, I release the person that was to be sacrificed and watched as they fled in terror. I didn't have the strength to kill them.

The crow bobbed his head curiously before landing on my shoulder to peck at my neck, "Itachi, I know that's you, send the crow back please. I'll be home in a few minutes, un." But the crow began to frantically peck, causing my neck to bleed a bit, something was wrong.

I didn't think, I just ran. I ran until I heard an unfamiliar wail inside the house and I was greeted with Itachi holding a screaming Shisui. Even blinded, he was able to find the crib and hold our son as he was wailing out of… it seemed fear? What spooked him so much?

I look over to Minami's crib, and minus an expression of mild bafflement at her twin's outburst she seemed hunky dory. That left me even more lost as it was usually Minami that screams first, followed by her brother.

"Itachi, what's wrong with Shisui?" Having my fingertips ghost over Itachi's forearm, he passes me the screaming baby. I rested him against my chest and shoulder and began to rock him, "Hey now.. It's okay honey, kaa-chan and tou-chan are here, un." But he still wouldn't stop freaking out. If he was any older he would be kicking and flailing at this point.

"He started screaming just a few minutes ago, his diaper is still dry and he only whimpers when he's hungry when he knows I'm around." Itachi placed the back of his hand against the infant's wet cheek, "I've never heard him make this kind of sound before…"

"He screams when you're not around, but never this much and this loudly…" When I think back on it, he has been a little whiny lately at infrequent intervals. Never wanting to be changed or to be fed, but he also refused to stop making that sound until I held him and sang him to sleep. With a deep breath, I give him my pointer finger to hold and let my vocal cords swap to English, " _Come stop your crying, it'll be alright… just take my hand… hold it tight… I will protect you from, all around you… I will be here, don't you cry~_ "

Like magic, as I kept up the song, Shisui's screaming stopped and his eyelids droop closed with a sigh. Still singing, I lay him down next to Minami, who latched her chubby fingers onto his hand and stared up at me until I finished my tune. With my help, she looked to her twin brother and proceed to stare him down until she too, fell asleep.

"You need to teach me how to sing them to sleep sometime, Dei." I hear Itachi chuckle as he stood behind me as I watched the twins sleep, "His behavior is rather odd for him…"

"It could just be a part of him growing… I hope."

"I don't know, the fact he was perfectly quiet up until you left to reanimate the original Shisui… it feels too much like a coincident..."

We chose not to continue the conversation.

 _A few days later_

Itachi wasn't a prodigy for nothing.

It took him almost no time to figure out his way around the house and even with the bandages, he was able to handle basic tasks like bathing by himself. Provided I do not move anything that he placed. I may have made that mistake after getting tired of my shin hitting the table in the kitchen.

I've developed the skill to laugh and go "aww" at the same time, something I haven't had to do in a long time. Usually if I did I would feel guilty for laughing, but then again… I did look after a lot of kids.

Drying off Minami after giving her a bath, I was greeted with the front door slamming opening. Minami jolted at the sound, but a reassuring hush from me kept her from unleashing hell into my ears.

"Dobe, you shouldn't slam a door open! Especially a screen door!" Wow, Sasuke sounds crabby. Looking at him and Naruto, I saw his eyes were still bandaged. Good to know that he was as blind as his brother at this point, "Seriously, have you forgotten that I can't se- gah!" I had to swallow my wince as Sasuke's forehead collided with the corner of a wall as he was behind lead in by Naruto, who fails at being an eye seeing dog.

"Awww- hahaha, aww... honey," I place a hand over my heart in pity, "honey, sit down before you hurt yourself, un." This was so pitiful to see the egotistical Uchiha that was Sasuke being helplessly dragged around by my hyperactive brother. Taking Sasuke's hand, I lead him to the couch where Itachi was bottle feeding Shisui. Itachi made a little sound at feeling Sasuke's weight on the couch, but other then that was focused entirely on his son.

"This is a pain, when can we take these bandages off?" That is a good question, in the manga and anime, Sasuke spent… Kami knows how long, blind. Where as later in the show and hell, even when Kakashi first receives the sharingan, everyone just popped in eyeballs like they're a new pair of shoes with no problems.

I hum softly as I take Shisui away after he was burped, and filled Itachi's arms with Minami and her bottle, "I'll have Sakura check your eyes, I'm sure you'll be able to take them off by tonight." In the corner of my eye, I notice Naruto watching me solemnly, "What's the matter baby?"

Naruto looked down at his feet, before looking up at me, "Deidara-nii… I met my kaa-chan…" His shoulders began to shake, "She… she said she loved me… and she told me about how her and tou-chan died," tears were leaking from his eyes, "I was able to hold her and she was so small compared to me. I've never been able to hug my mom before, but I held her then… and I she helped me control the Kyuubi… why did they have to die?! What did they do to have that man summon the Kyuubi from kaa-chan?!"

In three long strides, I stood in front of Naruto and pulled him into my arms, "Shhhh… easy baby… easy easy easy..." I kept my voice soft, barely above a whisper as I had him sway from side to side with me, almost like a dance... but at the same time it was rhythmic, like a mother rocking her child, "It would be so easy to tell you why they died… but that is not my place, I was never there…"

"But you saw what happened…"

He had a point, "Mhm… yes… yes I did… Minato did seal the Kyuubi within you… but the beast was enraged, enraged with being imprisoned again. Enraged that he was under the control of the sharingan. Enraged that he was being used as a weapon of destruction for the gain of humans… he aimed to kill you, Naruto. But your mother and father protected you with their bodies, without them you would have died that night… they chose you over themselves, un." I nuzzle my face in his hair, "Just like how I would choose to protect you… Duck-kun… my own children, over my own life."

Naruto clung to my shirt as tears rolled down his face, "Those… those few minutes I spent… talking to kaa-chan and tou-chan… they mean the world to me…" I allowed him to cry in my arms, Itachi and Sasuke remained quiet themselves. We remained like this for several minutes until I felt Naruto's heartbeat slow down to a calm rhythm.

"Tell me about Kushina-san, tell me about your kaa-chan, un." I encouraged him to talk, I wanted to hear about Kushina from his own words. I want to meet Kushina, Kami only knows how she's a true inspiration at making the best out of a bad situation. She was one of my idols.

"She…" Naruto loosened his grip on me, taking a step back only to give me a deadpan expression, "Is way too much like you actually." Okay, that was a blunt statement, "She hit me on the head then hugged me and spoke about how she would beat up tou-chan while they were in the academy. I even got the same vibe from her as I do you, dattebayo."

I hear Itachi snicker from the couch.

"You are very much like Kushina-san, remember our mother was good friends with her, so I met her often." Itachi got up, mindful of his footing and left to put Minami away in her crib.

With a soft snort, I ruffle Naruto's hair, "Guess that's why everyone keeps mistaking us for blood relatives."

"Really?"

I motion to myself, "Name one other person besides Minato-san and you that has bright blond hair and blue eyes, un." A pause, "Thought so. Anyone hungry?" I had to hold in a smirk as stomach growls filled the room.

The rest of the visit was mostly small talk until Sakura showed up. Holding our breath, Naruto and I watched as the brothers removed their bandages, blue eyes were instantly greeted with red.

Sasuke's eyes were exactly as they should be… a kaleidoscope on crack.

Itachi's eyes were actually pretty simple. The red and black had now inverted, and seemed to break into 3 segments. The first, the pupil part, was now shaped in a rounded triangle, like a ouija planchette. The second part had 3 small sickle like shapes attached to the corners of the pupil. And the third part, attached to the end of the first sickles were longer, scythe like curves that reach the edge of his eyes.*

"... Sasuke-kun's eyes look cooler, no offence Itachi." Sakura bites her lower lip to halt a giggle as the brothers stared at each other in awe.

I allowed myself to stretch until it almost hurt, but the relaxation of my muscles was heaven. I didn't realize how stiff I've been, "Bias here, but I prefer my husband's eyes, un." Sasuke's sharingan just freak me out if anything.

Within seconds, Itachi and Sasuke stepped outside to test their new eyes. Sakura turned to Naruto and me, "Can… I talk with you two in private?"

"Sure. Following you, dattebayo!" Naruto shot up from his feet and I followed suit. I watched with confusion as Sakura led us to the newly constructed park… she was complaining about her parents...

This didn't feel right...

* * *

 **Eternal mangekyou sharingan! Now the brothers are even more OP than before. And a lot of other stuff happened too.**

 ***** In the anime Omoi throws a rock and briefly thinks that the rock caused the destruction of Konoha… I mostly wrote it to please my beta, so meh.

* Okay, I have a weird level of vocabulary. Minute (pronounced My-newt) is another word for small.

* Look up Itachi Uchiha eternal mangekyou sharingan and it should be the first thing you see in google image. I am using the idea from darkuchiha7 on deviantart as I found their drawing to be the most accurate on what I think his eyes should look like if him and Sasuke swapped eyeballs.

 **Special announcement: I have been working on my next fanfic for the past several months now, and if things go according to plan I will be posting the first 2 chapters next week along with this fic's updates. Don't worry, it will not hog this fics upload schedule, in fact it will only be updated every other week until I am done with this one. I haven't posted it yet because I wanted 5 chapters my beta approved of premade first. I have 4 made and working on the 5th one.**

 **It is a Naruto crossover and it is experimental in terms of how I chose to write it. What it's crossed over with and who is in it? Well… you'll just have to wait and see. :) Hint on the world: It's one of the animes listed on my bio. Yep… Not a helpful hint at all.**

 **Anyway, next chapter starts one of the most creative Naruto movies I personally have seen. Deidara is gonna need some sake by the end of this mess.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week.**

 **Bye!**


	47. Road To Ninja

**I don't know why I did this… but I crammed both the movie and the respective filler episode into one chapter. Kami forbid did this take forever to write and edit. X.x never again.**

 **Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews! I love that pretty much everyone was able to correctly guess my hints towards Shisui!**

 **Mad167: Yep! Road to Ninja.**

 **VenaHope: Hey! Sasuke's eyes look like that if you stare at it long enough. But yep, Shishui is now a baby.**

 **MidnaMoo: I appreciate it all the same hun! :D**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Yep, we are going in that movie, honestly despite its plot holes it is a pretty decent watch. It's sadly not on crunchyroll so you would have to watch it on another website in order to see it.**

 **bunnyguest: Yes, Shisui was reborn and no that Sakura was not a Zetsu. Deidara would know if that was a Zetsu, trust me.**

 **Ringo1327: Honestly wish they would have expanded more on the world, I would have loved to see how the timeline was like and what else was different. But instead we got a very short movie, rather sad, wish we could have seen more… but it is what it is.**

 **Supu Fumi Heren: Trust me, once the conversation about Shisui's reincarnation happens, it's going to be completely awkward in not only how it's handled but also how Shisui's new parents will treat him afterwards… mostly considering Shisui will tease Itachi.**

 **WindBear47: Itachi will figure it out when the kids are a little older, at least at a stage where they can communicate and move around effectively.**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: I honestly don't know how I would have Deidara interact with Minato and Kushina, of course they would be happy with the idea of their son being raised in a happy family… but then there's the fact that Deidara can be kiiiiinnnnnddddaaaa umm…. Heheheh…. Crazy?**

 **Liliah Dark: I always respond to my readers hun. :D Sorry that it was hard to picture Itachi's eyes, a quick google search on "Itachi's eternal mangekyou sharingan" should give you the results since I used fanart. And yes, you have solved the theory. :P**

 **DeixItachi: (Btw, yes to that username) I won't be doing any other Naruto movies as I have not seen those movies and I do not like Boruto, so I won't be watching the Boruto movie and The Last Naruto Movie was when I became disinterested in the series. Also they are canon to the original storyline, but because of everything Deidara has changed, they are no longer canon in my timeline and would not happen as a result. (Plus Deidara would beat the shit out of Boruto for half of the stuff he does)**

 **Warning: Violence, language, Itachi, bad jokes, mental breakdowns, Itachi, it's Road to Ninja so OOC moments even for my standards, pervert Sasuke, and… oh yeah! ITACHI FUCKING UCHIHA. (psssssttttt, if you can't tell, I had fun writing Itachi)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… just some of the ideas for messing with characters that never appeared in the movie.**

* * *

I couldn't understand why I was feeling so uneasy being at this park, I can create bombs from my hands and have Toph-like sensing abilities, there should be nothing about this park that should send me on edge. I think what's freaking me out is that while most of the time an event happens, I know basically what will happen… but this?

I'm getting a bad case of deja vu.

I decided to ignore Sakura's complaining about her parents being a little on the bossy side lately, she's just being a teenager. But still... Where have I heard this all before?

"It's been a long time, Uzumaki Naruto. Not so much for you Deidara, it's only been a week." Snapping my head in annoyance, I was greeted with Obito standing nearby us.

"Hey Tobi." I nonchalantly wave to him, the feeling of deja vu still wouldn't leave me. Especially with Naruto trying to use rasengan on Obito. My eye widening when a familiar glass orb rose from his palm and to the moon. Moving at lightning speed I grab Sakura and Naruto, shielding their eyes with my body, "Don't look, you'll hurt your eyes, un!"

"Deidara-nii?"

All I saw was a white background behind my eyelids, when I opened my eyes… it was night time? The sun was still out though…

Looking around the park suspiciously, I let go of the two and slammed my foot on the ground, "What the hell…?"

"Deidara-sensei?" Sakura tilted her head as she watched me visibly pale.

"Konoha… it's in perfect condition… and I… everyone feels off… and why is Kimi-?"

"NII-SAMA!" Kimimaro was storming over, looking absolutely livid, "I've been looking all over for you! The one day I agree that we should all eat like a family, you run off to do Kami knows what! Do you know how much you've worried Itachi-san?! I hate that bastard, but at least he's more aware of your well being than you are apparently!"

My brain freezes as my taller younger brother was hollering in my face, Kimi yells at me, he scolds me sometimes, yes... But he's never screamed in my face like this. I could feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes as stressed overwhelmed me, if there was one thing I could never get used to it was people yelling at me. What is he even talking about? I never agreed to a big family gathering, Itachi and Sasuke just swapped eyes for crying out loud.

Suddenly, Kimimaro paused and looked at Naruto and Sakura, "Imouto, would you care to join us for dinner?"

What the fuck…? "Imouto"? Little sister? But the only girl here is…

I looked to Sakura who was just as confused as I was, and Naruto was trying to figure out why Kimimaro was ignoring him. I'm still trying to understand why Kimimaro is talking nonsense when he's usually the logical brother.

"Ah… um… I'm good… thank you though?" Sakura tilts her head then looked at me, eyes pleading for me to explain what the hell was going on. Sorry honey, I'm as lost as you are.

Kimi nods to her once... then literally scoops me up, "Very well. Come along Nii-sama, you are much too slow for this." Why is he carrying me?!

"Gah! Kimimaro! Put me down I can run, un!" Kimimaro ignores my demand and bolts off. I could feel Naruto's eyes staring at us as Kimimaro ran through Konoha, the village was completely intact, like it wasn't just destroyed a few weeks ago by Pein. But that's not what bothered me, he completely ignored Naruto, like he didn't even exist, Kimimaro always gave Naruto attention.

I'm praying that Itachi is able to explain what the hell is going on, everytime I tried to speak up in protest to being carried around like a princess, Kimimaro would tighten his grip. I had the sudden urge to kick my brother into next Wednesday if he kept trying to shut me up. He only sat me down when we reached… the Uchiha compound? What the hell…?

I brush my foot along the ground, only for my heart to stop. Where are Minami and Shisui? They're not here, I can't even sense traces of infant objects anywhere, just high levels of activity in the kitchen.

Not even looking at Kimimaro, I slowly enter the house and take off my shoes. Okay… The decorations are things I would pick out, "I'm home, un…" My eyes wondered to a coat rack nearby the door.

Why were there Akatsuki coats?

"My darling, you are home at last!" I let out a shriek when a sudden mass appeared in front of me, picked me up by my waist and spun me around. My eyes quickly adjust to seeing an extremely happy Itachi smiling up at me- wait… did he call me "darling"?!

Since when was I a "darling"?! I ain't nobody's "darling", Itachi calls me Dei! Why was he being so affectionate? Even I'm not too happy with all this puppy love! When did I marry Tamaki Suoh from Ouran Highschool Host Club?!

"Itachi, what the hell is going on? You're freaking the fuck out of me with this puppy love. Naruto, Sakura and I had a run in with Tobi and he- mrff!" I was quickly shushed when Itachi placed his lips over mine, I could hear Kimimaro growling in disapproval in the background… well, at least one thing stayed the same. These were definitely my husband's lips, my body wouldn't be relaxing if this was someone else. This was the same way he would hold my waist when we were in the right mood, how he would make me arch my neck back slightly to make up for the height differences… but at the same time, the fact he was kissing me in front of others… this wasn't right.

One of Itachi's hands trailed up to my chin, holding my head in place as he looked into my eye and I swear I could see a Shojo style sparkle rose background behind him, "You talk too much my love…" Yep, this is wrong, Itachi always lets me run my mouth and express myself, "Come, let's eat before the food gets cold, I made your favorites."

"And while you're at it, paws off my Nii-sama, Uchiha." I was suddenly yanked away from Tama- I mean, Itachi, by Kimimaro who dragged me to the kitchen, "I couldn't find Sasuke anywhere, he must be looking for Menma, why your brother loves that boy I will never know."

"It's because Sakura is blocked off because they are in-laws."

Wait… Sasuke likes who now?!

My brain was going into overdrive with everything around me to the point where I nearly choked on my rice, but I chose to keep my mouth shut as I observed how Itachi and Kimimaro acted. At the table, they seemed to have the same manners… minus Itachi occasionally trying to feed me, that I could live without. Letting my eyes wonder, something struck me odd about the photographs hanging on the wall… minus the Team 7 photo… none of them had Naruto in them.

"Kimimaro…?" Kimimaro instantly turned his attention to me, like a soldier does to his general. It was too stiff, even for him.

"Can I see your locket, un?" Kimimaro pauses at the unusual request but hands it to me. I open the locket and my heart sank at what I saw.

I'm staring at the New Year's photographs, the lake in the background sparkled with the moonlight. I was in my girly blue kimono and Kimimaro in his grey yukata… but something was wrong, specifically regarding the little girl in the photos.

Sakura was the one crying against my shoulder with a smile, wearing a light pink yukata with white cherry blossoms on it. There was no Naruto. In fact, the sibling photo was Kimimaro holding a laughing Sakura princess style and the girl gleefully laughing at the action. As cute as it was… it didn't stop the bile threatening to leave my stomach.

I didn't dare pull out my own locket, I just handed Kimimaro his back.

My entire being was numb to the surroundings before me, I didn't react to Tama- damnit... Itachi constantly giving me butterfly kisses on my head or Kimimaro having mood swings every time my husband got affectionate. I just ate my dinner in silence, until something out the window caught my eye in the far distance, I had to discreetly zoom in on it with my scope.

Sakura's father was in place of Minato on the Hokage monument.

'Don't tell me…' I slowly stood from my seat, feeling my arms begin to shake as my heartbeat made it to my head, "I forgot, I need to ask Sakura something, un." Before either my husband or brother could question me I bolt out the door, grabbing my trench coat in the process.

'Bathhouse bathhouse bathhouse bathhouse…' It didn't take me long to find the bathhouse Naruto enjoys going to with his friends. Itachi and I went there once… we prefer hot springs and being able to soak from the neck down. Well… at least I do, Itachi tends to just watch me like someone does when their child is being amusing, whatever floats his boat.

I quickly enter the room where I could sense the boys and I am left stunned. I think I need to summon Madara.

Neji was peeping on the girls with his byakugan, Kiba was imitating a cat, Sasuke was… thank Kami he seemed normal, minus the occasional look at Naruto's butt with the most smug smirk an Uchiha could muster. Choji was skinny, Shikamaru was looking at everything like an idiot and Naruto was looking at me like he is having the weirdest day of his life. I could understand his pain all too well at the moment.

… Holy living fuck this is the Road to Ninja movie! Wait… It's the Road to Ninja movie… crap. I've only watched the whole thing once and that was when it first came out.

"Deidara-nii, why are you not with Nii-san?" Now, at first I thought Naruto had called me that, but then I realized that voice sounded way too Uchiha like.

…

Sasuke just called me "Deidara-nii."

Naruto and I had matching "wtf" expressions as we stared at our brother-in-law. This Sasuke was not only attracted to Naruto… or Menma to be precise… he also calls me Deidara-nii… Kami I am afraid to know what everyone else that interacts with Deidara acts like now. Shit… what does this world's Deidara act like?!

A high pitch scream from the other room set me into a motherly frenzy. The girls! Like the other guys, I quickly head to the girls' side of the room, momentarily broken once again seeing a yandere Hinata trying to pummel Lee. I mean… I've made Hinata more independent and powerful… but she's almost naked and trying to beat up someone! Wait… is Naruto going to be stuck in a love triangle from this?

"Deidara-sensei!" Sakura quickly attached herself to me as she understood that I was also the real Deidara. Even though Hinata was currently the only female that was nearly naked, I grab Ino, shielding her exposed midriff as I remembered that she's the Hinata like person here. Odd that Karin is missing from this picture though, wonder where she is?

"Sick perverts…" I look over my shoulder to see Kimimaro standing in the doorway… but he wasn't looking at Lee. No, he was looking at Neji with a look that could kill if he had sharingan.

Neji gulped nervously, "Uhhh… h-hi Kimimaro-" But he never got to finish his greeting when Kimimaro chased him out of the room, bone blade in hand with kill intent radiating from his body. Note to self: This Kimimaro hates pervy Neji, and that makes perfect sense for both Kimis actually.

Lee makes a break for it, causing the others to chase him. Naruto looks over at me, "What the hell is going on Deidara-nii?"

"It's Tobi's jutsu. This is an alternative reality that I am...sadly familiar with because it was a movie, un." Now that I think about it, this world is suppose to be a prototype Tsukuyomi… but then that filler episode- gaaaahhhhh who cares!

Naruto gave me a suspicious look, "This Sasuke looks a lot like our Sasuke, any reason why they're dressed the same, dattebayo?"

"Because I made Duck-kun dress like that, it's the only outfit he's ever worn that doesn't make him look like a man-stripper, un." I cross my arms defensively as Sakura snorts out a partial laugh, well it's true! "Though… I didn't expect him to like you Naruto… or, Menma specifically, he's your alternate in this world."

Naruto shivered and rubbed his arm, "I'm not going near our Sasuke for a while after this, he kept looking at my butt, dattebayo." His face turns bright red as both Sakura's and my eyes trailed to the object of Sasuke's affection, "Don't look at me!" Then don't talk about your damn butt… huh… I need to get Naruto some new pants, they're too… they show off too much shape for a shinobi.

I pat Naruto on the shoulder, "Honey, I'm your older brother and guardian, it's my job to look and make sure you are presentable… and we are going clothes shopping when we get home. Your clothes are not suitable for shinobi wear now that I'm actually looking, un."

Sakura's cheeks turned bright pink, "Hinata… also like Naruto…" She shakes her head to throw off any thoughts she had, "Besides Sasuke-kun suddenly being interested in Naruto... Is anyone else different that we should be aware of?"

"Well if things are still the same, the Akatsuki are peachy and...Itachi is more affectionate… like… princely, wants-to-smother-me-in-love, affectionate, un." I shiver at the memory before letting the two chase after Lee. I'd rather avoid the main story if I can, if it's still the same for the most part then Naruto will spend time with Minato and Kushina while Sakura learns to value her family back home.

Right now, I just really need an adult, one that won't smother me as well.

Tightening the buckle of my collar, I hug my arms close to my body as I briskly walked away from the bathhouse in the opposite direction of everyone. My safest bet would be to get somewhere private and summon Madara. If anything, he'd be able to capture Obito and Menma's attention and end the whole thing faster.

"Dei-chan? What are you doing out so late by yourself?"

'"Dei-chan"!' Oh thank Kami, I'm friends with Anko in this world. Relief washed over me as I turned on my heel to look at the crazy kunoi- wha… what the fuck is she wearing?

Anko calmly walked to me and stopped only a foot away. Her hair was up in a tidy bun and she was wearing a deep lavender kimono… no, not a yukata… a fucking kimono, with a shiny silver obi around her stomach. I could tell she had lipstick on, but it was hidden behind a folding fan, only showing her eyes… which had mascara and eyeliner on that flattered her well.

And her posture… it was perfect. No slouch, no limp arm, she looked like she just came out of a noble family. What the hell happened to this Anko that made her a prude?

"Honestly Dei-chan, we've gone over your posture since you were 11. Straighten up." Anko unfolded her fan -indeed there was lipstick- and proceed to smack my back and shoulder with it until I was deemed straight enough, "There we go. Like a proper matriarch. But what on earth are you wearing? You look like you just came out of bed, you should be wearing at least a yukata on your free days, this is too much skin for you, dear."

What is she, my friend or my governess?

"Now then, let's have some tea while you are out and about. I am curious to know why you're not with Kimimaro-kun and Itachi-san." Anko elegantly turned and walked off, I followed behind her, not sure if I should ask her if she was insane or not, "You are the matriarch of the Uchiha clan, the guardian of the daughter of the heroes, and the second-in-command to the Akatsuki, you need to keep your appearance up." Wait, I'm what?!

I chose not to question all of the titles Anko gave me, not unless I wanted to be interrogated by this scary version of my best friend. Reaching our familiar tea house, I sat across from her and she ordered us two cups of tea… but no dango?

"Anko, why are you not ordering dango, un?" She looks at me with a mortified expression, like I just asked her to flash or something.

"Dango? Why would I want to eat such fattening food? Are you okay Dei-chan? You don't have a fever, right?" She pulls her sleeve up to her elbow so she could reach across the table and put her hand against my forehead, "No fever… are things going okay at home? You're not usually so outspoken… not since…"

I lean forward in interest, "Since…?"

"You must have forgotten. Well, you came to this village absolutely mental, talking about how the Akatsuki are after jinchuuriki and this person impersonating Madara and how this world was a 'manga'. But once Hiruzen-sama had Itachi-san come to the village and calmly talk to you about why you were wrong… you became more quiet and observed everything like it was your first time seeing things. I still remember how you would pick up Sakura-chan from school and trained her to be a fine kunoichi… Dei-chan?"

I couldn't breathe, there was… another me… in the other Deidara. They came to this world, realized it was the alternate timeline and blended in… gotta admit, going the polite route is something I would do, then again it was me. This is hurting my head, the idea of two me's is more mind-blowing than the idea of an alternate universe.

Bowing my head with a groan, I shoot to my feet, "I need to go home. Sorry Anko, un." Before I could be questioned, I bolted back to the compound. I just need to sleep this off, get my mind to adjust to this topsy-turvy world and pray that this genjutsu ends soon.

 _That night_

This Itachi cuddles.

I discovered this after Itachi tried asking for my consent to… ahem... stuff. He stopped the moment I told him no, and that I had a headache, satisfied with kissing me on the forehead and spooning me. I was not a fan of this sleeping position, I am the cuddler.

Tensing up as Itachi nuzzled his face in my hair, I allowed my mind to wonder. Why did this, out of the entire original movie, change? Was it because I influenced my world to the point that it bled through the lines of reality into this one…? Or was this just simply a genjutsu? This feels too real to be a genjutsu though, but I can't tell… even with my other eye.

Out of desperation, I tried to summon Madara at the Hokage monument after leaving Anko in order to hopefully find a way to break the genjutsu. But for some reason, I couldn't. Nothing would appear, I couldn't summon Hashirama, Tobirama, or Izuna. Maybe it was because this world's versions of them were dead, but it was hard to tell. Either way, until the jutsu was broken, we were stuck in this world and I was stuck with an extremely cuddly husband.

Hoping to block this memory from my mind, I eventually forced myself to fall asleep.

 _That morning_

"Darling…"

Ugh… did I leave Lady and the Tramp on…? Why am I hearing Jim Dear…?

"Wake up my love…"

Nevermind, it wasn't the movie. Whatever it was can go away and fall off a cliff, too early to open my eye yet. I refuse to wake up… what the hell is kissing me?

"My golden-haired prince… it is time to wake up. I have a job with the Akatsuki today."

My eye snaps open at the word Akatsuki and I was greeted with a pair of black eyes looking at me with love. I feel my head pull itself backward as the memory of last night returned to me. This wasn't my Itachi, it was some Tamaki like Uchiha that had his face.

Itachi chuckled softly, "A kiss to wake the sleeping beauty, how fitting for you. Your breakfast is on the table, I'll see you this afternoon for the meeting." He kissed my temple before leaving, I noticed he was wearing the Akatsuki coat.

Pushing myself up as soon as I knew he was far away, I quickly do a check of myself to prove that, yes, I am still faithful to MY Itachi. Shivering at the idea of cheating, I get to my feet and pad over to the kitchen to see… a sunny-side up egg.

Itachi made eggs…

"...NARUTOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 _At the Hokage tower_

The room froze as a set of frantic footsteps sped to the room. Minato only had just enough time to get out of the way as I burst into the room and tackled Naruto and Sakura in a tight hug.

"I'm going to find that masked bastard and take him down, un!" I could feel the adults in the room look at me confused, lovely, I guess the other Deidara isn't this loud.

"Deidara-san!" That was Minato and I could hear the amusement in his tone, "You're usually not this boisterous and lively. But you can't go after the masked man, he is killing everyone with kekkei genkais and he would…" He paused when I turned my head, paling at my expression.

"I don't care what people think of me… I'm going." I blink a few times, realizing my kill intent was polluting the air, "... Sorry… bad night with Itachi, un."

Kushina gave me an understanding smile, before tilting her head, "Have you always been this close with Menma?" I feel Naruto tense up in my arms.

Menma, their son, not my brother. I slowly release Naruto, shaking my head, "Not Menma, no. But I do need to borrow your son for a moment… it won't take long, un." Jerking my head to the side, my chibis followed me out the room, leaving everyone confused.

"Deidara-sensei… what happened? You're not usually this frantic… I mean, you're pretty expressive and frantic, but not this bad..." Sakura rests her hand on my shoulder, worry etched on her face.

I roughly dig my hands into my hair, "Itachi is driving me insane… I don't know how to tell him that I'm not HIS Deidara. The other Deidara… they're still me… but no one believed them… they shut down their will to change because this world is so different. I… I…"

Naruto pulls out his locket, dangling it in the air, "Show him your locket Deidara-nii, I have to keep this hidden because apparently, I'm not… supposed to be close to you… Sakura-chan is, dattebayo." Naruto clenched his fist, "I'm going to get the scroll needed to seal the masked man, I'm going to get us home."

I let a smile finally grace my lips, "I know you will honey… because of that, I'm going to tell you everything I remember about your opponent, un."

This wasn't long, I just had to tell them that they will be fighting the real Menma. It took them a while to grasp the idea that this world's Naruto fell into hatred when he had parents to raise him, but before I could bring up how Minato and Kushina were different, Sasuke showed up and dragged Naruto away.

Sakura didn't want to follow them, the idea of Sasuke flirting with their teammate weirded her out to no end, considering they are just one confession away from dating at this point I don't blame her. Staying in the shadows, I watch as Naruto began to look more and more miserable, looking at where I was hiding and begging for help.

Cracking my neck, I head over to come to my brother's rescue. But I froze in my tracks when Sasuke's hand traveled from the small of Naruto's back… to his butt… and Naruto yelping in surprise. Why was this Sasuke so bold… nevermind, he's this Itachi's brother. Doesn't really matter at this point, he's already pinched the blond's butt. I noticed Sasuke had a challenging smirk on his face and was staring someone down. Following his gaze… oh Kami, it's yandere Hinata, and her byakugan was activated… poor Naruto, trapped in a love triangle.

"I told you Uchiha, Menma is my man!" Hinata stormed over to the pair, cracking her knuckles violently as Naruto was shrinking away from them. He didn't get far though, Sasuke hooked his arm around his neck and pulled him close.

"Then why was I his first kiss? His first love, he's mine." I feel like I'm watching a shojo manga… but with yaoi.

"Uhh… g-guys? C-can we not fight, datt- AH!" He was cut off when Sasuke shoved Naruto to the side so he could dodge Hinata's gentle fist… nevermind, it's regular taijutsu. As if this was a regular occurrence, everyone just kept ignoring the fight that was going on as Sasuke used chidori against Hinata, sending them both crashing to the ground and dust flying everywhere. I haven't seen them get this violent since I had them spar as children.

"He would be mine if you didn't force yourself on him! Why didn't you go for Sakura? She is the daughter of the heroes and the object of every boy's affection!" I mean, Hinata does have a point, plus Sakura this time around is very pretty compared to her shippuden counterpart. At the very least I fixed her hair and wardrobe.

Sasuke rolled his sharingan eyes, "She's my brother-in-law's little sister, thus making her my sister too." Ouch, sibling-zoned by her crush.

Noticing that they were too focused on each other than Naruto, I quickly sneak over there and dragged him away away, "Oh man, Duck-kun and Hinata are going to die when we get home, un."

Naruto whimpered, "Please do not talk about this to them." His eyes became big and puppy-like as he begged me to not repeat this offense. I'm sorry Naruto, I need to see their reactions.

Rolling my eye teasingly at Naruto, I nudge him off as I sense Minato and Kushina nearby, "Enjoy this Naruto… they're not the same as your parents but…" I sigh and ruffle his hair, "You know where to find me if you need to talk to me, un." Kissing his head, I watch as he runs off to meet with the jounins.

That evening, I waited for Itachi to come home. My heart raced as I felt him get closer to the house. I want to go home, I miss my Itachi, my babies, my life. If the other me is happy in this world… that's reassuring… but I cannot thrive in a world where no one will believe me. Not when I have more proof than I can handle.

Itachi opened the door, "I'm home… love…?" He tilts his head seeing me sitting on the couch, "What's the matter?"

"Itachi, we need to talk, now." I feel my anger bubble up when he shook his head with a small smile. He's acting like it's a game!

"You're so outspoken lately, I like it. It's like when we first met, but why the sudden chang-"

"I'm not your Deidara, Itachi! You're not my Itachi!" I shoot to my feet, all reason left the window. Even with the outburst, Itachi had an expression that clearly painted the fact he didn't believe me. I ripped my locket off of my neck and throw it at him, "I am from another dimension, Uzumaki Naruto is my brother! Not Sakura, she's my student!"

Itachi stood there for a moment, before ever so slowly opening the locket. He scanned each picture, comparing them to the photographs on the wall, "They… match… but with… Menma…"

"Not Menma... Naruto… the masked man is Menma… please believe me Itachi, I'm not who you think I am. The other… your Deidara, they're still me, but just from a different universe… It's complicated, un."

He looks to me, pain filled those dark eyes, "Where's… my Deidara?"

I bite my lip, pulling every bit of filler I could remember until it clicked, "Road to Sakura…" My voice was barely above a whisper, "He's with Sakura… in my world… he's…" I deadpan, " Don't tell me… I'm a total wuss in this world, aren't I?"

Itachi turned his head away, shoulders shaking with contained laughter, "N-no… no... you're... he's very powerful. But he's polite, quiet, almost submissive sometimes. He's the exact opposite of you." He looks back to watch me visibly relax, "I guess that's a good thing for you."

"More than you can imagine, un." I violently rake a hand through my hair, "Fucking hell… No offense Itachi, but you are way too affectionate, it's terrifying. Maybe when he comes home with Sakura you could tone down the whole…" I clear my throat and suddenly the room began to sparkle, " 'My darling golden-haired angel! Come into my arms as we enjoy each others' love under the moonlight!' " Fluttering of the eyelashes later, I instantly return to blankly stare at a now amused Uchiha.

"That's… one way to describe me…" Itachi coughs into his hand, "I will keep this in mind…" He hands me my locket back, but also the Akatsuki coat, "I still need you to come with me, there have been some developments in the Akatsuki and I need my second-in-command."

I stare at the coat thoughtfully, I've always wanted to wear this uniform… honestly had I not ran into Naruto my first day in Konoha, I would have joined anyway, "How did you become the leader anyway? I always thought Pein was the leader, un." I look up to him, and noticed his eyes widening at my statement, "Oh… let me guess… you took over not long after joining?"

Itachi mouthed a few words that were lost to me, I'm guessing he was asking how I figured that out, "Yes… a few months after you joined I took over the Akatsuki… come, I will explain more as we head over there."

I nod, slipping on the coat and followed him into the trees. It was pretty amazing to learn how this world's Deidara was able to juggle his life in Konoha with the Akatsuki, but I guess it helped that this time around they were simple mercenaries. But it still took Itachi a good 20 minutes to properly explain why the hell the other Deidara was able to even raise Sakura AND be a mercenary… something about before he became docile he threatened to flatten the village if they took her away, and made good on his threat by killing Danzo who tried something along the lines. So the people in-charge of the village live in fear of facing his wrath if something happened to Sakura.

Good to know I'm maternally possessive in both universes.

"Itachi… do you two plan on having children?" I watch as Itachi looked over his shoulder to look at me, skillfully leaping from branch to branch in the process… seriously, I would have ran into a tree at that point.

"We've considered it, but being in the Akatsuki has hindered that progress to the point where Deidara has considered to simply adopt. Why?" He stops jumping when I pull out a photograph from my pouch, handing it to him, "These are…"

"Minami and Shisui, my children in my world. I had a dear friend carry them for us, they're a little over a month old now, un." I watch his eyes soften, even more than before with a faint smile on his lips, "Shisui is a brat to me though, always screams when he wants something. But his father? Just whimpers, I thought moms were the favorites to infants." I cross my arms with a pout, as cute Itachi and Shisui are, I would really like to be able to hold my son without fear of going deaf to his emotional spurts.

"I… will talk with him… when he comes home." He hands me the photo back and we resume our travels, reaching the Akatsuki hideout within an hour. I may have forced this Itachi on a chocobo, and I got the same reaction from him witnessing the beauty that is making Minato look like a snail.

I stuck close to Itachi the moment we entered the hideout, slowly shrinking into my coat as the Akatsuki's attention was brought to us. I guess I must be fitting the role rather efficiently as no one questioned why I was keeping my gaze focused on my lap.

This is how it was for the rest of the day, quietly listening to Itachi give everyone orders and on one instant doing a job myself. It felt weird not being a part of the main action, but I had a role to fill and the main event doesn't happen until tomorrow.

I can only hope things were going smoothly for Naruto and Sakura.

 _Meanwhile in Konoha_

 **3rd person POV**

Things were definitely not going smoothly.

Menma had attacked the village the following day with all of his summons and captured Sakura in the process. They kept the scroll safe, but now Naruto was facing a dilemma.

"Why should we wait around?! We should go after him! Sakura-chan's life is at risk, dattebayo!" He couldn't believe it, his father, the man he strived to be was acting like a coward after getting beaten down.

"We're not heroes like that… we can't risk our lives for a stranger." There was no hesitation in Minato's voice, no regrets for his words, "We may be shinobi, but we are still human beings. There's only so much we can do."

Naruto clenched his fists, memories of his real mother and father flowed through his mind. Minato entrusted the village to him, Kushina loved him even though they had only met at his birth and when he was controlling the Kyuubi, and he snapped, "Kaa-chan was a stranger to you once, but you protected her!" The two jounins froze on the ground, "Deidara-nii… Deidara-nii… he's helped anyone that was considered a stranger. You don't need to be a hero to do heroic things! You just need the heart to care for others, dattebayo!"

"Menma… what are you saying? We don't want to lose you, if you go after that man you could be killed!" Tears ran down Kushina's cheeks, afraid to lose her son like she thought she almost did just moments ago.

"I'd rather die protecting those that I care about, then live a hundred more years knowing they died when I did nothing to help them…" he slowly walked over, picking up Minato's kunai, "I have to go… I'm not from here, my real name is not Menma… It's Naruto. I'm sorry I lied to you two. My real father is the Yondaime Hokage, and my mother was the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, they died protecting the village in my world… they protected the village, and they protected me with their lives..."

"Menma…" Kushina stopped herself, remembering what the boy in front of her just said.

"I was alone… until Deidara-nii showed up in my life. He raised me, gave me all the love I could ever crave for and then some, he brought in Kimi-nii. He protected this village, saved so many lives from dying, including his own husband, and now I can proudly say that I am an uncle to the most beautiful pair of babies I have ever seen." He brushed Kushina gently off of him, grabbed the Yondaime jacket and donned it over his clothes, "I'm the son of two great heroes, I was raised by the bravest man I ever met. I'm going to put an end to all this, dattebayo."

 _Back with the Akatsuki_

 **Deidara's POV**

I rest my head against my fist as I listened to everyone's reports. While it is true that most of these members became my allies, I could live without them looking at me like I was their boss. The meeting was cut short when a Konoha Hawk appeared by the window, and Itachi read the mission.

"We have a job. The Hokage wants us to protect Haruno Sakura and Uzumaki Menma from the masked man. It's a large payment as well." My back instantly straightened up along with everyone else.

FINALLY!

Without warning, I bolted out of the building to fly to the area where the fight was happening, I could feel the Akatsuki were hot on my heels… or… tailfeathers. I didn't even give Obito or Menma a chance to react to the Akatsuki's appearance, I just took flight after Menma's flying masked beast. My own attacks set the Akatsuki in motion, and chaos rippled the waters below like a rockslide on a peaceful pool.

"I must say, you're rather artistic birdy-fox… but you need more…" I allow my clone on it's clay bird to slam into the masked beast with an explosion, "of a bang to your form, un." I felt a satisfied smirk cross my lips when the creature resumed a more Menma like form, falling into the forest where I assumed it died, "Not so tough without your wings, huh?"

Using my scope, I see this world's Itachi spooking off Obito with his sharingan, and Naruto running into the shrine-like building after Menma. Now it was just a waiting game for the Kyuubi to appear, the Akatsuki made quick work of the other masked beasts already.

"Deidara-sensei!" I look down to see Sakura waving to me, "Will Naruto be okay?"

I snort, "Do you really think he's going to lose to some copy? Or that I would let him lose to someone named after fermented bamboo, un? I'm almost insulted that you would suggest that!" Sakura giggles at my sarcasm, Itachi was watching with interest at our banter. I lower the bird to them so we could be farther away from the shrine.

A few minutes later the shrine was destroyed, and a fiery blue light erupted with in the rubble, the smoke clearing to reveal Kurama. More specifically the darker side of him.

I quickly create a series of birds to collect the Akatsuki members, "Everyone stay on those damn birds until the fighting is done!" I hear a series of "alright" and "yes sir" from the various birds, with Hidan saying something vulgar in the mix. I look to Itachi, "This is gonna get ugly, really ugly, un."

Itachi's sharingan were focused on the Kyuubi, "He seems more fluffy than ugly… I'm sorry I really should not be joking at a time like this." Damn Tamaki like Uchiha, that actually got a snicker from me.

The Kyuubi and the two boys vanished into the mountains, but it only took them a few minutes for them to be shooting out explosions and electric blue lasers out of the sides. It was like watching a light show… only deadly, but just as artistically beautiful from the perspective of someone who's grown to love explosions.

"This is both beautifully artsy and terrifying, do they really need to blast this land to kingdom come? _This is not a Star Wars movie_ , un." Sakura, although worried for Naruto, giggled at my random english comment, since I've told them the plot of Star Wars whenever they were sick.

Now the Kyuubis were in the air and- wait, when can things run in the air?! Ugh, this fight kills all forms of physics… but it's two giant foxes shooting lasers at each other while teenage boys punch each other in the face, I give up on finding logic. Menma's Kyuubi disappears after Naruto punched him in the face with Naruto's poofing away not long after. Time to step in.

"Sakura, I need you to kick Menma's ass for me, un." Scooping up my student, we leap over to watch Obito possess Menma's body and pummel Naruto to the ground, "Good luck!"

"Thanks Deidara-sensei!" With a skip in her step, Sakura proceed to fight Menma. Even with the sharingan she was still kicking his ass, he was either holding back or Sakura has been doing extensive sharingan training with Sasuke… my money is on the latter.

Kneeling by Naruto, I stare into those dull blue eyes, "Oh no, you are not going into a 'who am I?' phase young man." I watch Naruto's fingers twitch, "Movie, remember? I know your thoughts. Now get up before Sakura gets hurt, un." I take a step back as Naruto sprung to his feet and joined the fight, recreating the famous scene where Minato slammed a rasengan on Obito's back.

Menma collapsed to the ground unconscious and Obito slowly floated out of his body, "It's been 16 years since I was hit with that jutsu, but this time I'm more prepared." Chains fell from his coat… how… nevermind, sharingan. He aimed for Naruto, but Sakura and I stepped in to block, but Minato and Kushina were one step ahead of us.

"Sorry for the wait everyone."

I had to do a mental recap of the movie to remember how these two showed up, "Ohhhh… Naruto, you have Minato-san's kunai!" Naruto pulls out the kunai, remembering that was his father's special technique.

Minato nodded in confirmation, "You were right… Naruto, and even though we don't really know you… we can't consider you a stranger."

Naruto paused for a moment, before giving the two his trademark smile. Flipping the kunai in his hand, he threw it at Obito. It passed through his eye and broke the Tsukuyomi, making him vanish from this world.

Kushina and Minato rush to Menma, realizing that was their actual son. Naruto turned his back to them to hide his emotions, and at the same time, a bright yellow glow covered us.

"I guess you three are going home now…?" Kushina gave us all a sad look, understanding that in our world her and Minato are dead.

Naruto bit his lip, before smiling, "Thanks for rescuing me, and… for being parents to me… even if it was brief."

I feel eyes on me, looking to my left, Itachi stood there with wide eyes. With a smirk, I give him a mock salute, "Next time, please believe in what I tell you Itachi. There's some useful information in that brain."

The light took over our entire form and we were sent back to our world.

* * *

 **Side story #18 Road to Sakura** ( **To help refresh your memory, it is recommended to watch Naruto Shippuden Episode 271. It's honestly a good filler episode** )

While Naruto, Sakura and Deidara were stuck in the other world… something interesting was happening in their world.

 **Deidara?'s POV**

"Sakura?!" "Deidara-san?!"

'Who… who is calling out to us…?' I feel myself be removed from a branch, it's a woman I could tell by the small hands. Should I know them…?

"Let's get them to Shizune-sama and Itachi-san, Deidara-san isn't waking up!" I am awake… but I don't want to open my eyes… I feel exhausted…

I'm lifted over a shoulder and I hear three sets of footsteps move, Sakura must be awake. That's good…

I didn't open my eyes until I was settled down in a chair, Sakura was being examined by Shizune… who seemed to have lost a lot of weight in the chest, strange that Tsunade wasn't here. Why was Itachi at the Hokage's desk? He's just… quietly watching me.

"Well, there's no bodily damage from either of them despite landing in tree branches, though I can't say much for their heads. Sakura, do you know who I am?" Shizune spoke slowly to Sakura, the poor girl could only stare at her confused, "She may have amnesia…"

"And Dei?" Dei…? That's a new nickname from Itachi. I blink a few times when Shizune examined me and asked me the same question.

"Um… Shizune-san… is this needed? My head feels fine, un…" I flinch when all eyes were on me, "Is everyone alright…?" Why was everyone staring at me?

Karin was the one to answer my unspoken question, "I've never heard you talk to quietly before, let alone use polite dialect." I thought I always talked like this? "And why do you have both eyes open?"

Tilting my head, I look to Sakura as she was also looking at me with confusion, "Deidara-nii, I don't understand what's going on." I hummed slightly to her statement, causing everyone in the room to mouth "Deidara-nii" to themselves.

Slowly getting up, I take careful strides to stand by Sakura, placing a hand on her forehead, "I guess I'm the only one you really remember honey… Don't worry, we'll get you fixed up. Right everyone?" I look up with a small smile on my lips, surely Tsunade will be able to help Sakura with her amnesia.

Itachi got up from his seat and walked to me, I never see him move so slowly around me unless we were working with the Akatsuki, "Dei, I need you to be honest with me, why is Sakura calling you 'Deidara-nii'? You're her sensei, not her brother."

I feel myself shrink under his gaze, he's not being affectionate or cuddly at all like normal, "Of course I'm her brother, her parents died fighting the Kyuubi-" But I see something in the corner of my eye that caused my shoulders to sag, "In… the… other… world…" Minato's face was on the monument, not Kizashi… I'm not in my world.

Before anyone could ask questions, my face was grabbed by Itachi and I was forced to look at unfamiliar sharingan, getting trapped in Tsukuyomi, "Wh-what Itachi! I can explain, un!" I had to wave my hands defensively to keep from being attacked.

"Start now. Who are you."

I take a deep breath, forcing myself to straighten up like how Anko taught me when I needed to be serious to someone of higher power, "My real name is Lily, I died in a world where this is a manga and instead of being reborn here… I was sent to a parallel universe where everything is the opposite. I know it sounds crazy, no one there believed me… but please, you can see my memories right…?" I began shrinking again when halfway through my explanation, Itachi stared at me owlishly, as if he's heard it before.

"... So you're Lily from another dimension… the Deidara from our world is the exact same person as you, but less…" He motions to my whole body, "This." You just gestured to all of me...

"Submissive…? Passive? Quiet? Yeah… 10 years living in a world that is the polar opposite to what you know will do that… it's how I survived, un." I rub my arm slightly as I was stared down from the calculating gaze in front of me, "You're… a lot different from… my Itachi…"

Itachi raised an eyebrow, "Do I want to know how I act?" A screen appears to show my memories, and I watch as Itachi's face slowly twisted into horror as he watched how my Itachi interacts with me on a daily basis, "Deidara would kill me if I even acted like this…"

I giggle into my fist, "It caught me by surprise too when we started dating, when we are with the Akatsuki… ah- he is the leader of the Akatsuki by the way-, he acts like you… but when we are at home, he acts like an anime character I watched often when I was younger, un."

"I think I know who you are talking about…" He rubs his eyes gently, "Keep this to yourself, stay with Sakura until you two are able to go home. Knowing Dei… he's going to fight tooth and nail to return home." A blink later and the genjutsu broke, only a second had passed in reality.

Giving Itachi a weak smile, I take Sakura's hand and look to Ino and Karin, "I'll help you two return Sakura's memory… if I… act a little off…" I wasn't able to grasp what I wanted to say, "I will act off, compared to what you two are aware of, un."

Karin's eyebrows rose even more than I thought possible, "You're already off as it is… but if you say so." We followed the two girls around Konoha as they tried various ways to bring back Sakura's memory. I noted that they would hold hands and occasionally bump each other on the shoulder… I have to wonder who else the other me has managed to pair up.

An hour of wondering the newly built Konoha -something I learned from the girls talking to Sakura- they didn't have any luck finding Naruto anywhere. Does this mean I'm Naruto's brother since Sakura has her parents? How did I manage to do that…? I had to threaten Konoha in order to even keep the lifestyle I have now, Akatsuki and all. Taking care of NARUTO of all people… the other me must have the ego and charisma I lost over the years.

So many questions that I knew would never get answers without wasting time, I kept my attention focused on my little sister. Her eyes were filled with childlike wonder, absorbing everything around her like a sponge as Karin and Ino tried to jog her memory. Needless to say, we wound up in the park with the girls gathering all of their friends. I avoided attention as best I could by sitting on the swing set to watch the show in front of me… of course, that brought some dramatic attention from the observant ones.

Without hesitation, Neji took one look at me and bolted off… okay… that was odd…? I look to Hinata for help on this, but all she did was give me a small shrug. Even though this is suppose to be the "real" Hinata… I like the one from my world, maybe it's because I saw her as another little sister and thus practically raised her with Kimimaro and Sakura… I'm not sure.

My heart sank suddenly, Kimimaro… is he even alive in this world? Or did he die-

"Nii-sama?" My head snaps up to see toxic green eyes looking down at me in worry. I didn't think, I shot to my feet and wrapped my arms around the taller boy, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes as relief washed over me, "Is everything alright?"

"Mhm… I was just worried for a moment… everything is okay, un." With a happy sigh, I release this Kimimaro and watch with mild amusement as Neji stuck close to Kimimaro like glue, 'If only my world's Neji wasn't such a pervert… these two make a cute couple.'

"Neji! We need you over here! Hinata too!" Ino waved the Hyuugas over as I watched everyone act like… or at least try to act like their otherworldly counterparts… but I could tell from Sakura's blank expression that it wasn't working in the slightest.

With the sun starting to set, I walk away from the group to think to myself and to explore Konoha. Things felt… like a dream almost, like I shouldn't be here… and I really wasn't suppose to anyway, this was the other me's home, not mine. A shout caught my attention.

"Dei-chan! Over here!" I look over to a tea shop to see Anko -dressed rather improperly as well- waving me over. I cautiously step into the shop, noticing the bundles in her arms, "I finally figured out how to get your hell-spawn of a son to sleep!" I'm so use to the prim and proper Anko that I forgot she's normally a rather open-mouthed woman.

'Son…? Itachi and this Deidara had…?' I kneel down and feel tears prick the corner of my eyes, they were beautiful. Twins, almost identical in looks, sleeping soundly in Anko's arms, "Well done Anko…" I slowly reach other to brush my hand against the baby girl's cheek, but I stop myself, 'They're not MY children…'

"Dei-chan?"

I slowly shake my head and stand up, "Itachi can explain everything… I'm so sorry Anko but I need to find Sakura, un." It was almost time, I need to hurry by her side. All I could do was run until my lungs felt like they were on fire, reaching the spot where Sakura was talking with Ino, Karin wasn't anywhere nearby. I could see her parents walking away in the distance… she gained her memories back.

"I'm probably not the Sakura you know… but thank you for being a good friend to me, Ino." Sakura looked over Ino's shoulder to look at me, "Deidara-nii… this place…"

"I told you I wasn't crazy, do you believe me now…?" I let out a soft chuckle when the pink haired girl threw her arms around my neck, tears leaking from her face, "It's okay… I'm here…"

Light enveloped us both, starling Ino in the process, "Don't worry Ino, your Sakura will be home soon… she just needs to break the moon…" I closed my eyes, and the next time I opened them, we were finally home.

 **The Real Deidara's POV**

The moment the bright light cleared up, the first thing I did was slam my foot on the ground, "Fina-fucking-ly we are home, un!" I throw my arms up in the air with a cheer, "I need my Uchiha with a side of cuddles, un!" I give Sakura and Naruto a smirk as they struggled to get their footing back.

"I need to go talk to my parents! Bye Deidara-sensei! Naruto!" The pinkette waved to us excitingly before rushing off to her house, vanishing from our sights.

Naruto looked at me, somewhat tired but also embarrassed, "I'm… gonna go find teme and tell him about all this… I know I wanted to keep that a secret, but if I don't get it off my chest I'll never be able to look at him the same way again, dattebayo." I snicker as I watched my brother trudge off to find Sasuke.

"Tell Duck-kun that he's lucky he's got Sakura, un!" With a stretch I bolt off to my house, pleased to note that while we were away the village was almost completely rebuilt, throwing the door open I happily kick off my shoes sensing the babies sleeping in their room, "Itachi?"

"Welcome home Dei." I chuckle to myself as I feel arms wrap around my waist, "We had a visit from your's and Sakura's counterparts."

"On a scale of one to original Hinata, how was I?" I had to know what this other me acted like, considering how everyone looked at me like I had grown a second head in that world.

Itachi hummed thoughtfully before nuzzling his face in my neck, "I'd say a 5, they never stuttered but they were definately quiet and more polite than you. They also showed me how the other me acts around them… I like our relationship personally."

"Ditto to that. Do you think we can just… you know, snuggle on the couch and talk? I missed you, un…" As disturbingly amusing Tamatachi was… I like my serious Itachi more, the Itachi that makes me safe just by being near him.

"I think I can arrange that, hot chocolate as well?"

I definitely prefer this world over Road to Ninja.

* * *

 **I was originally going to have Road to Sakura be on a separate chapter… but naaaahhh it's more of a side story than anything else. But I am burnt out, I'm definitely going to not touch this fanfic for a couple of days and just enjoy my weekend in solitude and homework. Sorry if I didn't put in EVERYTHING in this fic, but I didn't want to stretch it out and it is a movie, I don't want to linger too much away from the main storyline.**

 **Also Tamatachi scared me.**

 **Next chapter is the start of the war, I'm condensing it to just a couple of chapters because my memory of the whole thing is crap and I'm not gonna put in every single fight. I personally cannot wait for the Kaguya fight because I take… creative liberties with that fight. (Meaning if you are expecting a serious, thought provoking fight… hahahahahahahahaha- no. More details when it reaches that point!)**

 **Along with this update, I will also be publishing the first two chapters of my new fic. Feel free to take a look, it's not only my first crossover but my first time writing in 100% 3rd person perspective, so I hope I can grow to be a better writer all around.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week!**

 **Bye!**


	48. War

**And thus we enter the territory of "I have no idea wtf I am doing", from this point onward I know/remember maybe… meeehhhhhh… 40% of what happens in the manga/non-filler anime and less than 10% of filler. I only enjoyed this arc in full once from the manga when it was published and never the anime. I focused mostly on day two back then (which is the Kabuto fight and Madara appearing) so if I'm missing details… yeah that's why. My beta and I were staring at wikipedia for hours to figure things out. Anyway, this covers day one of the war plus a couple events before it.**

 **Thank you guys so much for the fave, follows and reviews. Please bare with me in this arc, I'll try my hardest to make it enjoyable to read!**

 **VenaHope: It's honestly a decent movie, I suggest giving it a shot whenever you have freetime.**

 **MidnaMoo: Road to Sakura is in the anime and it was… an interesting episode to say the least. Shisui doesn't have much of a role in the story because he's a baby and won't really interact with the world until I do my pre-epilogue timeskip.**

 **Haru Hime-sama: I love that you are enjoying my version of SasuSaku, I wanted to make their relationship more organic and actually show them enjoying each other's company… never understood their sudden marriage. Also don't worry about the long reviews, I love seeing what my readers have to say. :D**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: You think he's scary? I read this out loud to my beta and we were both shivering as I voiced Itachi. Reading him is one thing, but try saying the stuff he says OUT LOUD. I'll provide more details on the Kaguya fight later but… let's just say… Kaguya gets very little screen time.**

 **RedWolf Lover: I barely remember Bleach besides the Espadas so I don't think that would be a good idea, but thanks for the idea anyway!**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: I knoooowwwww, poor Dei needs some proper husband snuggles after that traumatizing adventure. Some of these characters I actually struggled to alter… hence Kimi acting like he's PMSing all the time and Sasuke finds Menma's butt to be something to enjoy.**

 **Daku-DarkNess316: I actually cover those questions in the narration, no one believed them and thought they were crazy and all it really took was the Hokage monument for them to realize they were in the wrong world. Though I wouldn't say that world's Dei was powerful but more… I'd say balanced, they had less things to worry about and instead focused more on Sakura and the Akatsuki. I don't have any intention of fleshing out that other SI because the amount of detail I would need would require another fanfiction to be written, and I just do not have the muse for it. Sorry if the news disappointed you, I don't want to write something I don't have a passion for. But I am really happy that you are enjoying my story. I can't really recommend stories without knowing someone, but you can check out what I have in my favorites even though it's a pretty small list (I'm picky on what goes in my favorites). To be honest, I'm almost out of fanfictions to read, I'll need to search for some new ones soon. ^^"**

 **EgyLynx: Glad you liked it!**

" _Blah"_ \- English

 **Warning: Violence, language, bad timing, sad reunion, Deidara is as lost and confused as Author-san.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I'm gonna hide while this arc is being played out.**

* * *

The Fourth Great Shinobi War was only days away...

So much happened during the week after my return from the other world, the Five Great Nations created a single army, and Anko went missing. No doubt she was taken by Kabuto to power the edo tensei and to also be used as bait to lure me in, frankly it would work even without her because Itachi and I need to break his jutsu. I also haven't heard from Konan, but as long as I knew she was alive I would let her remain in Amegakure without much of a fuss.

I lightly scratch my exposed neck over the curse mark. To match the rest of the Konoha shinobi I wore their standard jounin jacket and Konoha uniform, but no headband, I refuse to wear the headband with that silly kanji on it. Attached to my waist were my usual clay pouches… with seals to hold an ungodly amount of clay, because there was no way in hell I'd be able to get more later.

I'm suppose to appear serious as Gaara was giving his motivational speech to the shinobi below us, but I couldn't help but allow my pessimistic mind take over me. Most of these shinobi would be dead, maybe less than in the show because I have Madara, but overall… they will die.

While the army was cheering, Gaara turned his attention to me, "Do you want to say anything to them, Deidara-san?" I move my head to look at the crowd, suddenly my legs felt like jelly.

I couldn't stop the shaking in my voice, I felt my face heat up, "N-no it's fine, I-I… uh… talking in front of… um… uh… people… uh…." My heart began to race at the idea of speaking in front of a large crowd, "I'm not the most motivational of speakers, un…" Just don't look at Gaara's shiny green eye- damnit, I looked, "Uhhh… I need to prepare some explosives, bye!" Leaving a cloud of dust in my wake, I bolted off that stage and far away from the area.

"Wow kid, for someone who always talks strongly to others who'd knew it took a group to give you stage fright." I look up to see Kisame standing in front of me with an amused grin, "I thought you had no problem talking around people, what's up?"

I gulped nervously, "Heheh… talking in front of a large group reminds me of presentations back when I was in school. It's always nerve wracking as all of those eyes stare at you expectantly and then silently judge every word and action you make, un." Not to mention that I could easily talk to one person and have dozens staring at me, but talking directly to THOUSANDS is enough to make me nope out of there.

Kisame opened his mouth to say something, only to pause as he watched my entire spine straighten out, "Something the matter?"

"Konan just destroyed her flower. Tell Itachi I'll be back tonight, un." Without giving any more details I created a bird and flew off at high speeds for Amegakure.

The closer I got to Ame the louder the explosions rang in my ears until they suddenly stopped. She used her trump card on him already, Obito was about to use Izanagi, Konan was about to be killed. Fuck stealth, the moment I saw Obito appear behind Konan, I lost my cool.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TOUCH HER!" Throwing mass amounts of bombs at the Uchiha, not only forced him to get away from the woman but also alerted her that he was alive. I instantly jumped to her side, pushing her behind me as she was almost out of chakra and allowed a primal growl to emanate from my throat, "Oh hell no… If you really think I'm going to let you kill Konan... You've got another thing coming, you pathetic BASTARD!"

Obito was of course, worse for wear. Half of his mask was destroyed and he was missing his arm, there was enough hatred in his eye to let me know that he was sick of my meddling, "Seems like I'll have to kill you and then interrogate Konan for Nagato…"

I snort, "Tough luck school boy, I hid his body personally, un." Grabbing a smoke bomb from my pouch, I fling it at the Uchiha, blocking his vision while I picked up Konan and put her on the clay bird, "Come on, let's have Sakura tend to your wounds."

Slowly gasping for air, Konan locked eyes with me, "He's… going to get Nagato's eyes anyway… isn't he?" Her face twisted into grief when I nodded, "We should have never allowed him to take over the Akatsuki… we were such fools…"

I pat her shoulder, "You cannot change the past, Konan. Focus on the future instead, we'll need your help in the war… Nagato was reanimated by Kabuto." I watch her tense up under my hand, "You know his abilities better than anyone, once he is located… I need you to help manage a team to seal him away, un."

Unlike the previous timeline, with Naruto's help each team has at least three types of seals they can use on the edo tensei army. Thankfully, we are not going in as blind as expected because I managed to make up a list of those who should be reanimated by using old shinobi registries and my own memory. As long as teams fight the correct type of opponent, deaths should be kept to a minimum… hopefully.

But something in my gut was telling me things would not go as smoothly as I'm hoping it to be…

 _The next day_

Obito did manage to get Nagato's eyes thanks to Black Zetsu finding the bodies and everyone was away from the village, but even with that in mind I was too focused on the battlefield in front of me.

Itachi and I were managing a squad that consisted of mostly fodder shinobi, Neji and Kimimaro with a few others sprinkled in the area. I think Team 10 was in this fight? We were by the water, white zetsu were everywhere with my main focus on constantly destroy edo tensei bodies to buy time for the sealing team to capture them. I think I've said "sorry" more times in the last 3 hours than I have in both lifetimes combined. Itachi gave up on apologizing to the dead, but can you blame me when I've had to blow up Hizashi and Dan for the 20th time? They're the nice ones too! Everytime they came back, Dan would give me a friendly wave and Hizashi would just ignore me and continue fighting.

Hizashi, who was fighting other shinobi, looked to his son who was fighting side-by-side with Kimimaro, "He's grown up…" There was pride in his tone, a grateful smile spread across his lips when he saw Neji's bare forehead, "He was freed from the Hyuuga cur-" His joy was sadly cut short when I had to blow-up his body before he could fatally wound someone.

I wave frantically on the edge of my bird, "Sorry!" I winced as Neji gave me a look that could make a kicked puppy seem cheerful. I can understand why Kabuto let's these guys talk, it's emotionally draining to watch your loved ones get destroyed then come back.

Kimimaro decapitated a White Zetsu, "Nii-sama, please stop apologizing to them. I think you're making them feel more guilty than you are!" Well, he has a point, the moment Hizashi reformed he had the matching kicked puppy look like his son, "Before Nii-sama blows you up again, I'm Kaguya Kimimaro, Neji's boyfriend. It's an honor to meet you Hizashi-sama, I could only wish we had met under different circumstances."

Hizashi nodded, unwillingly getting into a gentle fist style and looking directly at my brother, "Likewise, please do not hold back and fight with all your might. I would rather not be the one to kill the one my son loves."

A rarely cocky smirk appeared on Kimimaro's face, "No need to say that twice."

I chose to allow my brother and Neji to fight Hizashi on their own, it'll allow them to catch up with him… how convenient that Hyuga fights could last hours if the chakra demanded it. Though the casual conversation the three were in were rather unnerving when Kimimaro has to keep dodging potentially fatal attacks.

I honestly lost count of what was really going on around me, for safety measures I had to keep myself on my bird, far away from Zetsu and the reanimated. I had no idea where Naruto was, where Sasuke was, the last time I spoke to anyone outside of my squad was the night before, I haven't seen my babies in three days since they were with Mei and I can't fucking find any of the former Akatsuki members!

"Water style: Water dragon jutsu!"

Oh yeah! Kisame's nearby helping the fight against those Kaku-Kyuubi-chakra twins. I swear, when I wasn't dropping explosions, I was documenting the fights with my scope. Got to admit, I think they are turning out well.

"Uchiha-san!" Out of instinct, Itachi and I both turned our attention to a random fodder shinobi appearing on the cliffside, "You two are needed in the Land of Hot Water, as soon as possible!"

Itachi, naturally suspicious of the shinobi, doesn't break eye contact until I confirm that it wasn't a Zetsu, "What is it?"

"There are Uchiha on the enemy side! No one knows how to fight them and they are taking out shinobi left and right!" Our hearts froze at this news, our worst fear came true. We had suspicions once Kabuto revealed his attempts to reanimating Shisui… but nevermind him being bold enough to dig through Uchiha graves.

"That bastard… we'll get there within minutes…" Screwing the idea of saying jutsus out loud, I summon Izuna, "Izuna, help out over here, use every technique in the book, un." All I recieved from the Uchiha was a nod as I sent him off into the battlefield. Getting Itachi on my bird, I create literal dozens of clay bats to carry the message far and wide that there were Uchiha in battle. I also made sure to specifically include in my message that everyone should, and I quote, "ignore the one that looks like Sasuke with a rat tail. If he ain't attacking you, you don't attack him." end quote.

Thankfully, speed was my specialty as we made it to the Land of Hot Water in record time only to see pure and utter chaos.

 _Back at the waters_

 **3rd person POV**

Not long after the bats were received by the groups and the news was spread out did the shinobi army become tense at the idea of fighting the Uchiha clan. Despite how infamous their eyes were, no one has fought any of them in years, and those that did never lived to tell the tale.

Izuna was not made aware of this, and was instead focused on the task given to him by Deidara, skillfully wiping out hordes of Zetsu left and right to the point where he was almost bored. To the war-torn young adult, killing these clones was as stressful as watching his Nii-san brush his hair, fun for him, torture for his brother.

At the same time he was walking around the battlefield in hopes of finding a stronger opponent, a Kumogakure shinobi charged at him with the intent of sealing him. Izuna watched as this ant came forth to his presence, only for his head to slowly turn to the side and watch a Konoha shinobi tackle the man to the ground like the sport… he thinks Deidara described this as "football"?

The Kumo shinobi looked up at the Konoha shinobi above him, "What the hell was that for?! He's an Uchiha and reanimated!"

The Konoha shinobi frantically waved his hand, "No! This is Deidara's Uchiha… wait that came out wrong… The one that looks like Uchiha Sasuke!" He didn't notice the tick mark on Izuna's forehead, "Anyway, just ignore him. Sorry Uchiha-san!" The Konoha shinobi bowed slightly and got off his comrade.

Izuna didn't say anything and just kept walking, he could see that Kakuzu fellow in the distance and was pleased to see that he looked strong. But he also didn't miss the Kumo shinobi mutter, "How many Uchihas does that blond have…?"

 _Back in the Land of Hot Water_

 **Deidara's POV**

Observing the battles below me, Suigetsu was helping Haku lead Kiri shinobi in the fight against the former Seven Swordsmen, several lightning users were dealing with the explosion guys… and the person fighting Pakura?

"Senpai! It's been so long since I last saw you! There's a dead chick who has the same abilities as me and she's super tough but I keep winning!"

Well… Daiki's still alive.

I wave to the boy before scanning the area with my scope, there was so much mist and moving bodies I had trouble figuring out who was who. Suddenly, Itachi grabbed the top of my head and made me look to my right. There were dozens of Uchiha standing together, quietly conversing and only attacking when someone got too close. This felt like a trap… something to lure the two of us over there… sadly seeing Sasuke make a beeline for the group made us take the bait.

"Duck-kun, what the fuck are you doing, un!" Without much thought I leaped off the bird and chased after the stupid duck, effectively using enemy shinobi's faces to hop to him like motionless springboards. Itachi was not far behind me as his eyes were locked onto the Uchiha ahead of us.

"I know some of the Uchiha in that group, one of them is-!" But a voice rang out, cutting Sasuke off and making both brothers skid to a halt, effectively making me crash into Sasuke.

Uchiha Fugaku emerged from the group, looking at us gravely as many of the clansmen had matching reluctant expressions, "Sasuke, Itachi… it's been a long time." I could hear their hearts hammering in their chest, it only got worse when Mikoto arrived and stood by her husband's side.

Sasuke's mangekyou eyes were glossed over with tears seeing his parents for the first time in ten years, "No… he reanimated you two… Kabuto…" Sasuke looked to me, hoping I could grasp some sense for him, "How did he…?"

"It doesn't matter how that man did this, Sasuke…" That was Mikoto, "What matters now is that you two need to seal us, break this jutsu… do whatever it takes to live. Please…"

Neither brother spoke, so I spoke for them, "Of course. Everyone!" I now had dozens of bright red eyes staring me down, "Jesus fuck that is scary… I'm going to apologize ahead of time because I will have to constantly blow you all up! Please try to find a way to break free of the edo tensei, there are a ton of sharingan in that mix and I swear to Kami one of you bastards has the ability to break it, un."

It was evident that because of how many summons Kabuto had, he chose to keep his control of the Uchiha clan to a minimum to ensure maximum control of everyone else, considering most of the other reanimations were not bloodthirsty assholes. The only ones that engaged in battle were ones that were within fifteen feet range of us… sadly those were all focused on me while the brothers were splitting their attention on both their parents and making sure I didn't die… again.

Ripping off my scope, I fling my bangs out of my face and opened my closed eye to test for genjutsu. Turns out that I was in one, as I barely dodged a kunai to my neck from an Uchiha next to me, whereas in my normal eye all I saw was Uchihas running towards me. I wisely took this moment to summon Tobirama in order to help me out. He hates Uchihas… so hopefully he doesn't mind helping me fight a bunch of them.

Based on how fast he joined in the scuffle, he didn't mind at all.

 **3rd person POV**

Itachi's eyes worked overtime as he classed kunai with his mother and skillfully sending a kick to a cousin of his. Sasuke was fighting his father and a squad of Uchiha from an older generation, based on their clothing. The rest stayed back or ended up being forced to join the fighting in other parts of the area, with his mother informing him that there were more clansmen in other areas. The only reason why he knew Deidara was still alive was because his ring was still intact and he could hear the blond shouting out "sorry!" every 30 seconds along with explosions.

"Itachi, we are so proud of you…" Mikoto gave him a sad smile, accepting the blow to her gut from her eldest son, "You two have to live… I won't forgive either of you for dying early deaths."

"Yes kaa-san, please forgive me…" Activating his eternal mangekyou, he allowed Amaterasu to swallow up Mikoto and all nearby Uchiha. He noted that ever since he changed eyes with Sasuke, using his special techniques only used a fraction of the chakra it once cost him. While reaching into his own shinobi pouch for a sealing scroll, his eyes locked with someone… someone that filled him with pain and the sudden urge to kill Kabuto in a slow and painful matter, "You…"

"Itachi-kun…"

Uchiha Izumi stood in the midst of black flames, skillfully dodging the flames as her body forced her to charge at the boy she loved. Of course, he was much older now, but his face had barely aged but she easily noticed how he's changed. How he would often look over to ensure the blond bomber was alive, how he would check his ring right afterwards, and how this was the first time he's acknowledged her presence, "Do you still remember me, Itachi-kun?"

How could he forget her? His first love, the one that died in his arms from Tsukuyomi*. He gave her the ideal life in that genjutsu, making her body think it died from old age when in reality only a second had passed. His body went into auto-pilot as the world seemed to vanish, leaving only her.

The female Uchiha giggled, "You still make the funniest faces, even in the middle of a battle too. But even though I'm here, you need to keep yourself focused on protecting the living. You're married to that blond huh?" She shook her head slightly as she swung her kunai, seeing Itachi about to explain himself, "It's fine Itachi-kun. Keep the ones you love and those that are alive safe… but… tell me… did you, at some point… did you truly love me? Or did you think you loved me?"

There was no hesitation, "Yes, I did love you before. That genjutsu reflected the life I wish I could have given you…"

"'Before'..." Izumi slowly lowered her head, tears threatening to form as her soul found peace by that answer, "Thank you… Itachi-kun." A soft glow formed around her as the edo tensei began to lose its hold of the girl. Her body peeled apart like broken petals on an old tree, and with a breeze that helped cleared up the mist, she returned to the afterlife.

In a distant cave, Kabuto sat in front of his diagram seething. This wasn't the first time one of his reanimations was broken due to souls finding peace, and it definitely won't be the last Uchiha to do that. Taking more chakra from Anko's curse mark, he began shutting down the Uchiha's free will completely. It was time to take this fight into this own hands.

When the flames of Amaterasu faded, Mikoto and the other Uchiha returned. The former matriarch's face pinched up, "Itachi… we're… losing control… please… you must stop us." The already dull eyes of the Uchiha's became more apparent on their sharingan. What were once brilliant scarlets under black tomoes, were now dulled to the color of brick. The Uchiha clan were now mere puppets before they could even free themselves.

Sasuke watched his father lose his posture. Pooling in his large reserve of chakra, he formed Susano-o and mixed the seals he carried with the ethereal sword.

He wasn't going to let the Uchiha name be squandered anymore.

 **Deidara's POV**

"GREAT! Now we're really fighting zombies, un!" Of course this was a huge mental drain on the brothers, but to Tobirama and myself, this was merely an annoyance.

"Is there any reason why I was summoned and not Madara?" Despite the Uchiha's ability to see everything, thanks to Kabuto shutting off their free will, Tobirama was effortlessly fighting the clan.

I snort as I prepared a mass scale seal, seems like most of the other teams were preparing to do the same, "Kabuto wants Madara and Obito wants me. The moment I summon Madara, all of these red-eyed bastards are going to focus solely on me, un." I throw a bomb at an Uchiha that got too close… shit, that looked like Kagami, "Sorry! I know you can't think, but still!"

"I highly doubt Madara would let them near you, everyone here are like children compared to him." Wow… was that a compliment from Tobirama towards Madara? "And that was not a compliment." Damn.

Just as I was about to seal a large number of Uchiha, coffins appeared. Seems like the first day of battle was over for Kabuto… fuck, I didn't get to seal any of them.

While the medical shinobi tended to the wounded, I began sending out more bats to collect reports and confirm that my chibis were okay. Killer B confirmed that him and Naruto were okay, as we made them both go into hiding during the first day. Minus some injuries and the desire for long therapy sessions after the war… everyone seemed fine.

I stuck close to the center point of our camp as a part of security. Trust became an issue when I warned all of the camps that Zetsus were impersonating the injured; a medical shinobi was killed when one pretended to be an injured Suna shinobi. All reports were to be made to me until Itachi and Sasuke woke up from chakra and stress exhaustion. I kept my left eye open, my right eye is still caught in one of the Uchiha's genjutsu and it's extremely disorientating seeing a peaceful, but heavily saturated campsite in one eye and a fireball coming towards me in the other… I'm half tempted to summon Madara just to break it.

… Fuck it. I slammed my hand down and summoned Izuna once a migraine began to form. All I had to do was point frantically at my right eye, and one staring contest later I was genjutsu free and unsummoned himself. Ahhh… Uchiha are so convenient when they're not choking you and trying to kill you.

"Deidara-san?" I lift my head up to see Hinata running to me in worry, "How is Naruto-kun? Did his bat report back?"

I give her a tired smile and nod, "Yes, he's fine." I stretched until my shoulders gave a sharp pop, "That felt good~. You should rest up honey, tomorrow is going to be hell on ice skates trying to make curry, un." I let out laugh as the girl stared at me like I've lost my marbles.

Wait… why is Hinata at this camp?

"Hinata… I forgot… what did you want me to make you for your wedding with my brother?" Okay, she blushed… that's normal… I can't sense any differences.

"Oh! Um… traditional dishes? Crabs and-" She was cut off when my kunai drove into her heart and our bodies toppled to the ground.

"Hinata hates crabs." Shinobi ran over thinking I was a Zetsu, only for them to stop when Hinata's face twisted into said plant-man's features, "Impersonating my chibis gets you killed, un."

Shooting to my feet, I let my voice boom throughout the camp, "Question everyone and list everyone that was by your side in the battlefield! Ask personal questions either about themselves, their clan or their village and make them do the same to you! I want all Hyuga and sensors questioned first and brought to me so we can confirm those that fail questioning, un!"

But no one moved, until Sakura approached me that is, "How do we know you are the real Deidara-sensei though?" Good question.

" _Do you want me to go into a long winded rant of how you, Karin, Ino and Anko tortured me for hours to get me in a wedding kimono? Or maybe I should talk about Harry Potter and my disdain for Dolores Umbri-"_

"Nevermind everyone, he's real!" Everyone quickly scattered to follow my orders while Sakura shuffled back into the medical tent.

"That's what I thought, un." Crossing my arms in triumph, I sit back down and wait as sensors and Hyugas that passed were brought to me.

That night, there were 40 Zetsus in our camp, all of them were killed.

* * *

 **Poor Hizashi getting blown up so many times by Deidara. I used my own poor memory of the war to reflect how real war plays out. When in battle you don't know what's going on with your friends in other units, your own concern is your squad and making it out alive. Deidara is stuck on a bird and has no idea as to what is going on outside of his area as a result.**

 **As for all of the Uchiha, it was honestly one of the biggest question marks of the entire original series for me. There had to be graves, or at the very least Orochimaru had collected DNA at some point in Konoha, and yet not a single Uchiha was reanimated for the war besides Itachi and Madara. But also, I can imagine Kabuto having limited ability to control all of those clansmen at once, so he would make them only attack when nearby people. It honestly hurt my heart a little to write the Izumi bit, I love that girl, she's one of the few good things Itachi had in his life and was forced to cut it short.**

* For those anime viewers out there, you may be scratching your head about Izumi's death. I am using the light novels death which is more tragic, Itachi places her in Tsukuyomi and gives her a full life filled with marriage and children in the matter of a second, killing her in the process. I hate how the anime changes this because it was such an important moment in the novels, so I use that as my canon. The anime makes it seem like Itachi didn't care about Izumi, whereas I truly do believe he did love her, but his love for the village and Sasuke came first.

 **Next chapter will hold day 2, including Konan's reunion with Yahiko and Nagato, and Kabuto… well… let's just say Deidara really no likey snakey.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week!**

 **Bye!**


	49. Snakes

**Yep, early update. I am helping my club with an event today and Saturday and due to scheduling, I would not have the time to update Saturday. I struggled with this chapter a little bit because I simply did not know what to put in it, thankfully I had one goal in mind and I wrote around it… Also I kept working on the Kaguya fight, which will be posted in 2 weeks… I'm enjoying what I wrote.**

 **Thank you all for the fave, follows and reviews, and thank you guys for dealing with my massive mindfart that this arc has given me.**

 **RedWolf Lover: Ooohhhhhh, I'm gonna do something with that question next chapter and it's gonna be fun… for me that is. Kabuto cannot summon him because Madara's edo tensei is linked to Deidara's chakra, not can he summon anyone else under Deidara's control.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: I still find it odd that he never reanimated any of them, like… with how sharingan crazy Orochimaru was, he didn't bother collecting DNA? It just never made sense to me. The only snakey I like are Anko, Orochimaru (he's a fun villian) and Mitsuki.**

 **VenaHope: You'll learn all about Orochimaru in the chapter down below :D Also a reanimated Orochimaru sounds like fuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn... don't worry I'm not THAT evil of an author to write something like that.**

 **EgyLynx: You're welcome!**

 **Daku-DarkNess316: You see his eye in the Sasuke vs Deidara fight in the anime and manga. In the anime Deidara explains that he trained his eye to counter the sharingan. I'm going with a fan theory of how that works, the theory is that the eye absorbs light differently due to always either being closed or looking through a lens, hence why visual jutsus don't work on it. There's no ninjutsu, it just works differently from Deidara's normal eye and as a result of it absorbing light differently. I describe SI!Dei's vision in that eye that everything is heavily saturated, so something that's a pale blue would look extremely bright and obnoxious from that eye.**

 **setokayba2n: Maybe, but if he could reanimate Madara and Itachi then he should have been able to reanimate other Uchiha from previous generations, plus Danzo only had about a dozen eyeballs. Itachi killed well over a hundred people. I just wish Kishimoto covered that bit of info.**

 **Notsae: I doubt it either, I'm not one to let Madara be surpassed by anyone but Itachi.**

 **RealistIze: There are only 3 homosexual couples currently confirmed in the entire fic, the rest are straight.**

 **Liliah Dark: I'm not that good at writing hun, I make a lot of mistakes but I simply try my best. ^^ Thank you though, and yes, Deidara is gonna struggle with raising Shisui at first.**

 **Warning: Language, violence, character death, sleepy Dei is a violent Dei, oh… and cliffhanger.**

 **Disclaimer: I am too evil to own Naruto, that being said. I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

That next morning I woke up before the sun was even out. There was no clock to check the time, but my brain registered it to be 3 a.m. also known as "Too fucking early" a.m.

Yawning, I did the painstakingly slow process of peeling myself off of Itachi. The moment I went to bed, he latched onto me like a leech and hasn't let me go since. I was only able to free myself after bestowing the sleeping Uchiha a kiss and an announcement of needing to use the restroom. Thankfully, I didn't have to do some stupid maneuver to get up, considering this wasn't our normal position. Making sure Sasuke was also asleep I was able to slip out of the tent without alerting either Uchiha brother.

The camp was as sleepy as my brain, the only ones that were alert were the guards and the weirdos that do not sleep. It was better to only let the guards know I was leaving, answering in English so they had no idea what I was doing. Thankfully, there was a Konoha shinobi on duty, so they knew my face. Well, he understood the blond zombie trudging past him was someone to not mess with and quickly shushed his Kumo partner.

After walking aimlessly for a few minutes, voice filled the forested area I had walked into, "Pretty stupid of you to come out here by yourself, Deidara." I looked around to find myself surrounded by… hm… I'd say about 50 Zetsu. Granted, my brain felt like it weighed 15 pounds and my head wanted nothing more than to use the grass below me as a pillow.

Shaking my head with a long yawn, I lazily shove my hands into my clay pouch, "Nah… I needed to run into some of you bastards anyway… let's get this over with. I have a husband to snuggle, un." Honestly, the fact I willingly woke myself up at 3 a.m. astounds me.

The Zetsus quickly leaped towards me, but they seem to have forgotten the fact that I can create anything my imagination tells me to make. Needless to say, 46 Zetsus fell victim to an army of clay heartless. The remaining 4 were tied up and sealed in a dark green scroll for later. If things were going to go my way, I need living bodies.

Satisfied with my work, I sluggishly make my way back to the camps, shoving the guards out of my way, "Back the fuck off… Sleep…" They chose not to question me, no one has been able to perfectly recreate English without having some kind of accent. No doubt any Zetsu would fail at an instant.

Itachi resumed being my human pillow until morning came.

 _Morning_

After passing out orders I began dragging the Uchiha brothers in the area Konan was stationed. It would be so easy to just go after Kabuto and end this entire thing, but knowing our luck Konan would be killed in the process along with everyone stationed with her. Not only did I not want that to happen, I also didn't want Nagato to feel the pain of killing the woman he loved.

Of course, I didn't expect who would be taking Itachi's place on the battlefield. Sasori's Sandaime Kazekage puppet was clashing blades with a reanimated Yahiko, the latter giving the former a run for his money apparently. I would have never expected Kabuto to try and reanimate Yahiko of all people, but then again it shouldn't come to a surprise for me. Considering I took away almost half of his Akatsuki reanimations, he had to substitute them with someone.

Tilting my head to the left, I realize why Yahiko seemed more focused on defence than offence, and the person behind him explained why. Nagato was sitting on the ground, his legs still being too weak to be used in battle while he watched Konan fighting his summons. The three Ame shinobi had matching pained expressions as they were forced to fight each other in this sadistic arrangement.

Shoving my hands into my pouches, I dropped a handful of clay beetles at Yahiko and Nagato. I only delayed the ones by Yahiko long enough for Sasori to get his puppet out of the way.

"Brat, what if that destroyed the Sandaime?" Sasori gave me a half-hearted glare as I landed next to him.

"Oh please, you saw that coming the moment my bird showed up, un." Ignoring Sasori's muttered words about poisoning me, I give Yahiko a wave once he reformed, "Nice to meetcha Yahiko-san!"

Yahiko blinked a few times before looking in the direction of Konan for a moment, "You must be Deidara… thank you for saving Konan's life… I owe you." Of course, his mouth said that but his body was still trying to slice my face off.

Noting Itachi activating his sharingan, I wave off Yahiko's words, "Don't, you don't owe me anything. Just please return to the afterlife with Nagato. I promise I'll take care of Konan, un."

"Dei, step back." Giving Itachi a salute, I grab the peeved puppet master and leaped to the water, standing on the waves as Itachi summoned his Susano-o. Wait… why is he- ohhhh yeah! Itachi's Susano-o blade can seal things!

"Konan! Get away from Nagato!"

Konan snapped her attention to me, seeing Itachi's Susano-o made her create her paper wings and was soon out of his reach. I quickly placed my scope over my eye to check up on her. Minus some scrapes and blood on the side of her head, she seemed relatively okay.

Like a machine with a human's brain, Nagato raised his arms stiffly towards Konan, "Itachi! Move quickly, please!" Soon, Konan was being dragged towards Nagato as he used Banshou Ten'in.

Stuffing my hands in my clay pouch, Yahiko used a water pillar jutsu to keep my explosives from reaching Nagato and getting to Konan in time. She would have collided with Nagato, had Itachi not stabbed him in the chest with the ethereal sword. Yahiko turned his head towards Itachi with a sigh of relief, also noting Nagato having a similar expression "Thank you…"

"Hn…" Itachi turned his attention to Yahiko once Nagato was fully absorbed, "I'm sorry Pein, this has to be done."

Yahiko smirked and pointed at himself with his thumb, "It's Yahiko, and I don't mind. Better to be sealed in that sword of yours than to cause more harm to this world." For someone whose life ended on a shorter note… he was at peace. Just before the sword collided with him, he looked up to Konan and gave her an apologetic smile, "Live."

The moment Yahiko was hit, I had to catch Konan as her wings gave out on her. She watched as the boy she loved got absorbed by the sword. No tears were shed, but I could tell she wanted to cry. We were at war, crying would only show weakness and that was something that sadly could not be expressed in battle. Pulling the older woman's head to my shoulder, only one thought crossed my mind.

I'm done with Kabuto.

Through clenched teeth, my voice became an animalistic growl, "Sasori-no-danna… take Konan away from here and take her to Sakura… or Naruto… I don't care, just get her away from this area, un." I allowed a powerful exhale to escape my nose as Konan was taken away by Sasori. He gave me a look over his shoulder, but I couldn't read his expression.

Slowly standing up, I put a large amount of chakra into my right foot and slammed it down. The force caused a crater to form, but I got my desired results, "He's 8 kilometers northeast of us… I call giving him the final blow, un."

Sasuke cautiously approached me and placed his hand on my shoulder, "Deidara, are you sure you want him dead? I thought you were always for helping others and giving them chance-" His face paled when I looked at him. My face was twisted painfully into that of rage, my eye felt like it was on fire as tears threatened to form.

"He's had his chances. I've had it with his existence…" My breath became ragged, I didn't understand why I was so consumed with rage. All I wanted was for him to die, I haven't felt like this since the day I killed Danzo.

"Deidara, you're curse mark is activated." My head snaps up at Itachi's word and I look at my hand. He was right, the calligraphy pattern danced across my arm as I deactivated it, "I want you to calm your hatred for Kabuto while we head over there. If you can't, I'll knock you out before we fight."

I take a slow, long breath, "Right… sorry…" Adjusting my jounin jacket, I followed the two to the caves where Kabuto hid. My anger was at a level that seemed to satisfy Itachi, considering I was still conscious by the time we got there.

Dropping some C1s onto the side of the cave's wall, the three of us entered and caught sight of a rather surprised Kabuto, "I still don't get it Kabuto, you know what's going to happen and yet you are repeating history. Why is that, un?" Honestly, I would have expected him to be more intelligent about this whole thing, but instead, he's making buddies with Obito.

Kabuto slowly got up with a chuckle, "Why? Because… things are different now. I want to experience this all to the fullest, and besides… Itachi no longer has the luxury of being reanimated, he can't afford to waste a sharingan on Izanami."

I grit my teeth in annoyance. As much as I hate to admit it, he has a point… what's even worse is that I know for a fact my C4 will do nothing to him in that stage. Talk about this being a pain.

"Not to mention, while Sasuke-kun and Itachi have the luxury of unique clan techniques, all you have are explosions and sensing. Use explosives and the cave risks collapsing, and sensing can only dodge attacks for so long… you Uchiha brothers only brought a hindrance… dare I say, a damsel in distress."

I feel my cheeks heat up, "Why you-!"

"Dei, he's right, you'll only get hurt in this situation. Stay on defence and stay out of this fight… Sasuke and I have this under control." Itachi looked over his shoulder to give me a disarming smile, "Please do what I say for once and stay out of the way."

Growling in displeasure at the idea of being left out in the fight, I leap to the ceiling and stuck to it using my chakra, letting my hair hang heavily at gravity's mercy. As if my movement started the fight, Kabuto shot out snakes in every direction towards the brothers and to me. They were fast, but I would keep running to avoid them. Itachi and Sasuke activated their sharingan and created their Susano-o to destroy the snakes and to try and grab Kabuto.

This fight gave me a rather powerful case of deja vu, it was playing out too similar to the anime. The only real difference so far was the brothers' outfits and Itachi was alive. Suddenly, Kabuto covered his eyelids and activated his one jutsu that causes everything to vibra- Kami that hurts!

Clamping my hands over my ears in pain, not only was the light blinding, I couldn't feel or hear anything. My chakra gave out and my brain only momentarily focused on the impact of the ground, I'll no doubt have a bruised shoulder later. The pain only went away when the jutsu faded. In the corner of my eye, I see Itachi burst into a murder of crows.

Kabuto observed the crows with a chuckle, "What a coward, hiding behind a clone jutsu while your brother and husband are vulnerable to the open?" He looked around, trying to locate Itachi while Sasuke and I recovered. I could only vaguely acknowledge the crow with Shisui's eye nuzzling my head affectionately…

Wait… Shisui's…

"Release the edo tensei." Itachi slowly walked towards me and helped me stand. I rubbed my temples as I watched Kabuto perform the necessary hand seals, "I hid the crow within my clone, the moment it came out Kabuto was under the genjutsu."

"Good birdie…" I gently pet the breast of the crow before running over to Anko, "Before I take care of Kabuto… I'm going to do something… really stupid, un."

Sasuke grimaced, "You're going to bring back Orochimaru, aren't you?" He sighed when I gave him a cheeky grin, "Figures, what do you need?" The reluctance in his tone was almost comical, he sounded like a whiny child being told he had to go home from the playground.

Pulling out my notebook, I flip to Orochimaru's page, "A chunk of Kabuto's skin and that's about it really…" Itachi collects some of Kabuto's flesh, much to his younger brother gagging in disgust and hands me the twitching mess, "Thank you, love… now…"

Performing the needed hand signs, I place my hand on Anko's curse seal. A large white snake slowly formed from the seal which spat out Orochimaru.

"To think… you would be the one to trigger my return, Deidara… aw… no hello?" His voiced oozed amusement as he stared at my blank expression, "I can see why Itachi would be attracted to that kind of face."

I roll my eye and pull out the scroll containing several Zetsus, "You know why I brought you back. Get your chakra from Kabuto, take this, and do the thing already, un." I practically shove the scroll in his face, causing his amusement to rise exponentially as he unrolled the scroll and examined the content. I didn't realize I was tapping my foot on the ground until I began to hear a soft echo throughout the cave.

"So impatient, if it wasn't for the fact I have eyes, I would have mistaken you for Sasori. But you are right, I know why you brought me back. Don't worry, I have full intentions of helping from here on out…" He noted Itachi and Sasuke staring him down skeptically, "Kabuto's not the only one that knows about the original timeline. Thanks to the curse mark on Deidara's neck, I have most of my memories of it back… I must say that I am pleased with the information your mind has given me."

"Does this mean you plan on behaving?" My personal bubble was then violated when a white finger was placed under my chin and made me look into Orochimaru's eyes. Not only was my own eye twitching, but I could see Itachi and Sasuke's eyes twitching as well. Good to know the three of us share a mutual dislike for Orochimaru coming in physical contact with anyone.

"Indeed, I'll even create Mitsuki when the time comes. That was the reason you refrained from killing me. I do hope we can come to proper terms later on though. As a fellow scientist and lover of jutsus, the things that could be discovered would be beyond anyone's imagination."

"Depends on how things work from here on out, so don't get your hopes up, snakey."

"Oh come now, I'll let you be his sensei."

"As tempting as that is, it depends on how Naruto's brat grows up. If I have to deal with that headache then I'll pass, un."

Sasuke took this time to grab Orochimaru by the wrist and yanked his arm away from my person, "We're wasting time here, you two can talk over tea later." I gave the teen a pout, we were not being that friendly… right?

With his usual amused chuckle, Orochimaru took the cells back from Kabuto and stepped away. Everyone watched me in interest considering my hatred for the glasses wearer was common knowledge. Cracking my neck and pulling out a kunai, I wasted no time in slashing Kabuto's throat open and stabbing him in the chest, only removing it when I no longer felt a pulse. Because of the genjutsu, his death was painless.

Orochimaru hummed slightly, "You really hate Kabuto huh? How delightful, there was no remorse in your eyes the entire time… excuse me, eye."

I made a sound in the back of my throat that was a mix of a growl and a huff, "Shut up. Never liked the guy and he pushed too many buttons of mine… this would have been avoidable had he not join Obito's side, un." I returned to Itachi, "We should go to the main battlefield now."

The snake sannin gave his right-hand man a pitied expression before resuming his attention to the Uchiha brothers, "Sasuke-kun, you'll be coming with me to finish a task." Sasuke instantly flashed a glance in my direction, but almost as soon as he did I began examining my nails. Without many options for arguments and the belief his sharingan could kill Orochimaru, he complied with the order.

Realizing something, I cleared my throat, "Do you mind…?" I blankly point at my curse mark on my neck, "It's still stage one and unless there's a way to upgrade it without being locked in a barrel, I want it off, un."

Orochimaru shook his head and rested in hands on his hips, "I'll remove it when this is done, better to have a back-up… and I have a feeling you'll need my power soon."

'Fat chance.' With a snort, I watch the two leave, "Oh! Orochimaru! There's four in that scroll! I want EVERYTHING in that scroll used up! Got it, un?!" I feel my foot tap the floor impatiently as Orochimaru gave me a half-assed wave.

Itachi looked at me puzzled, "What exactly was in that scroll besides live Zetsus?"

I flip some hair off my shoulder and toss a bird outside, "You'll see later, come on, I want to make it to the battlefield before Obito's mask gets broken off, un." Ignoring Itachi's sigh, we both hopped on our method of transportation and headed out to where Obito was fighting Kakashi and Naruto. We arrived just in time for Obito's mask to fall apart.

I watched Kakashi freeze in place at the sight of his best friend's scarred up face, it was time to step in. With a sigh, and a bowed head I softly whisper out, "Sorry for keeping this a secret Kakashi…" before leaping off the bird and slamming my hands on the ground.

"Time to end this. Madara-sama! Come on out!"

 _Meanwhile, back with Sasuke and Snakey_

 **3rd person POV**

To put things lightly, Sasuke felt awkward following Orochimaru like a lost duckling… he would never vocally admit that feeling to Deidara. Something in his gut was telling him that there were suppose to be others with him, but he was betting that Deidara's meddling altered that too.

Orochimaru let out a soft chuckle sensing the boy's distress, "Don't worry Sasuke-kun, I have no intention of breaking faith with your brother and Deidara, I won't be going after your body. Oh, and I also don't hold any ill feelings for killing me." He chose to ignore the boy's heavy glare.

Sasuke let out a low growl of distrust, "That still doesn't mean I'll trust you. What are we doing anyway?"

"Oh, you'll see." Despite the cryptic method of answering, Sasuke followed Orochimaru into the hidden Uzumaki chamber where all of the shinigami masks were placed. Opening the scroll, Orochimaru unsummoned the four tied up Zetsus and… locks of red hair?

Sasuke gave the hair a long look, "Who's hair is that?"

In amusement, Orochimaru placed the hair on the diagram on the scroll by a Zetsu, "We'll have to see when I use the jutsu, I cannot read that child's mind. Edo tensei!" The Zetsu yelled in presume pain as dust overtook his body and Orochimaru moved quickly, quicker than Sasuke thought was possible. Smacking on one of the masks and performing the needed hand seals, the silhouette of the shinigami formed behind the sannin as it slit open its belly, a deep gash forming on Orochimaru's body as well. Signing, he evacuated his current body to possess one of the Zetsus while the last two became possessed by the souls in the shinigami's stomach.

Sasuke's mouth went dry as the edo tensei completed, "You're…"

"You've grown up, Sasuke." Hiruzen nodded in acknowledgment to the Uchiha teen, "Why have I been summoned?" He looked at Orochimaru then to the others that were also reanimated, "Minato… Kushina…"

Minato stared at everyone dazed, until he caught sight of his beloved wife, "Ah! Kushina!"

Kushina clapped her hands and placed them over her mouth and nose, tears forming at the sight of her husband, "Minato!"

The two embraced each other lovingly, having been separated in the afterlife thanks to the shinigami death seal. No one had the heart to separate them, not even Orochimaru… though it may also be because he would rather not test the redhead's temper.

Coughing into his hand, Orochimaru caught everyone's attention after a moment, "Forgive me for interrupting the reunion, but there is a war going on and we need your help…"

Kushina tilted her head, pointing to herself, "I stopped being a kunoichi after marrying Minato. I'm extremely rusty with my skills, being pregnant made it even more so, how can I be helpful, dattebane?" Sasuke's eye twitched slightly, now he knew exactly where Naruto got his verbal tic and it definitely wasn't the dobe's brother.

Orochimaru held back his shrug, "Our enemy wants the Kyuubi and Hachibi. If push comes to shove you can help us seal it back within Naruto… also because Deidara ordered me to reanimate you." A large grin spread across his face as Hiruzen produced a doom cloud over his head, much to the confusion of the couple.

"So… Deidara is just as influential as ever huh?"

"He brought Itachi back into Konoha, healed him of his illness and then married him. Deidara has also recruited two more Akatsuki members and is close friends with the Mizukage of Kirigakure… also he's a father." Sasuke tilted his head in interest, "Are you okay?"

Hiruzen was kneeled over, "Well… good to know he's thriving, and I'm grateful he was able to bring Itachi in the village once again… speaking of the village, who's the Hokage now? Tsunade?"

"No. Itachi."

If Hiruzen could, he would be having a heart attack right now.

"If it means anything, Nii-san is able to keep Deidara in line." That seemed to help Hiruzen's worries only slightly, "But he is an ANBU captain now." Okay, Minato was certain Sasuke was scaring the Sandaime Hokage on purpose. There was a smirk… yep, he's doing it on purpose.

Kushina clapped her hands in delight, "Itachi-kun is the Hokage? Mikoto will be so proud when she learns about that!" She's been able to spend time with Mikoto in the afterlife, and now she had something to share with her close friend, "When do we go, dattebane?"

'Naruto is definitely more like her than Deidara…' Sasuke sweat dropped at the pure energy radiating from the Uzumaki, "We can leave now. Follow me." With chakra in his feet, Sasuke pushed himself off the ground and bolted off to the overwhelming chakra of the Juubi. Orochimaru kept to pace with Kushina and Hiruzen to update them both on what's going on, Minato was beside Sasuke.

"Hey, Sasuke? Thanks for being there for Naruto. He really does appreciate the friendship he has with you."

"Hn. Don't mention it, someone has to keep an eye on that dobe now that his brother is busy with a family of his own."

The closer they got to the battlefield, something wasn't settling well in Sasuke's stomach. It wasn't because of the Juubi, but something else and he couldn't put his finger on it, but that only made him worry more. The last time he had this gut feeling Deidara dropped to the ground dead. Ignoring his companions, the teen increased in speed. He wasn't as fast as the famous Yellow Flash, but he'd like to think he was a fast runner.

"Please tell me I'm wrong for once…"

Reaching the battlefield, Sasuke froze in place as he watched Madara's foot connect with Deidara's gut.

* * *

 ***Whistles innocently* I can neither confirm nor deny any questions you may have about Madara. I can say that Deidara is not going to die so if that was one of your worries, it can go away now. This is why Author-sans should never be allowed sugar before writing, we come up with stuff that torment the souls… love you guys! :3**

 **Also, now Orochimaru is back and he's bringing in reinforcements! And Kabuto is FINALLY dead, I'm gonna be honest here I forgot I had Shisui's eyes to use and was gonna make the fight overly complicated. Thankfully I didn't have to do that. I really don't have much to say about this chapter, next chapter will tell us everything that happened before the… ahem… cliffhanger, and also covers everything before the Kaguya fight.**

 **Short author's note I know, but this chapter speaks for itself.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week with the Obito fight!**

 **Bye!**


	50. Betrayal

**Hi guys! I squished the entire bit about Obito and Madara in a single chapter, I didn't want to bother writing the exact same events and instead focused on the key things that I wanted to write. If you were sad something was missing… trust me, it's most likely the same as in the anime and I am terrible at fight scenes. Also I have very little memory about all of this, and I didn't want to take it word for word.**

 **Just a heads up for this chapter: I tried to be specific on the type of Susano-o used each time, if I just say "Susano-o" then it's the skeletal one, if it's "perfect Susano-o" then it's the tengu form.**

 **Thank you all for the faves, follows and reviews. You may notice something about your responses… yeah, I purposefully chose not to respond to your questions about Madara, you'll see in this chapter.**

 **animecutylover: It was rather fun watching you react to all of my chapters, but your latest review kinda confuses me based on your wording. Madara has always been fatherly to Deidara so I didn't really understand your question. But other than that I'm glad you've enjoyed this story so far, and man did you speed read this fic. I know I can read a story like this in a few days but still. XD Good job!**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: He has turned EVERY enemy he has met into a friend when he's used the talk-no-jutsu. But other than that, ummm… yeah you'll see what happens to Madara in this chapter.**

 **wyattharto8: Teehee, you'll see~**

 **VenaHope: More like time to pull out a bunch of explosives.**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Thanks for letting me know about the typo on Minato! Fixed it! Also there are so many ways to describe how this chapter ended and I think only 1 or 2 readers were right but then doubted it. I love keeping you all on your toes. :3**

 **Liliah Dark: Please excuse me while I laugh evilly in my chair with my cat in my lap (not kidding, I am responding to you with my fur baby in my lap).**

 **setokayba2n: There isn't any DNA to reanimate them anymore, and even if they could Deidara would not reanimate Fugaku and Mikoto out of respect for Itachi.**

 **Supu Fumi Heren: He has to use his curse hickey for a battle that happens in this chapter, other than that my lips are sealed. :P**

 **Six Foot Assassin: Hey, if this isn't your cup of tea I ain't gonna make you read it. Thanks for taking a look though.**

 **MichaelJ-D: Meh, it's boring without interactions, and plenty of others interact with the fights in the show. I wrote what amused me more than anything.**

 **Dragon of Yin and Yang: Glad you like my story hun! Welcome!**

 **hartman227: I love my goddamn cliffhangers, they're fun for me and torture for all of you! :D I can only say, be happy they're not in every chapter.**

" **Blah** " - Black Zetsu talking

 **Warning: Feels. All the feels. Also violence and swearing. I don't think I'm missing anything else in this category.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Madara- I mean Naruto, damnit this is why I do not like writing on auto-pilot.**

* * *

"It's time to end this. Madara-sama! Come on out!"

Like throwing out a pokeball, Madara's coffin sprang out from the earth and like usual, the Uchiha kicked the lid off. The coffin vanished in a puff of smoke as he surveyed his surrounding, eyes locking onto Obito.

"So, it took Deidara long enough to summon me to talk to you." Crossing his arms, Madara focused his attention solely on the Uchiha across the battlefield, "What are the chances of me convincing you to drop these plans?"

Obito's mouth twitched into a frown, "This entire thing was your plan, I did everything you wanted and yet you side with them. It's too late now to end it all… I don't care anymore." Naruto is going to have a tough time Talk-no-Jutsuing this one.

Madara briefly glanced towards me for a second, "I suppose so… I guess there's only one thing to do then."

With a sigh, Madara activated his sharingan and I got into a fighting stance, adrenaline slowly beginning to pump itself through my body. The Juubi was summoned, and I needed to make sure Naruto didn't lose the Kyuubi. I was honestly going to need as much help as I could get if this was going to end quickly, that or I needed to lure Zetsu out.

"Alright, I'm gonna summon Hashirama-sama and Tobirama-baka to help with the Juubi, so let's kick his ass, Tou-san!" Madara's entire body tensed up and my own back straightens up. It took me a second to realize what I called Madara, and after looking at Itachi for a moment, I snapped my head towards Madara. With a soft chuckle, I stick out my tongue teasingly, "Whoops, did I say that out loud, un?"

Madara stared at me wide-eyed, before blinking and his entire face transformed. Eyes gleamed with what can only be described at pride and a soft smile rested on his lips, "Finally… Deidara, before we fight I need to give you something. Hold out your hand for me." Everyone stopped moving when he declared this, even Obito was curious to know what he had in mind.

"Um… this is bad timing but… whatever works I guess, un…" I tilted my head and slowly obeyed the request. Holding my hand out, the hair on the back of my neck stood when Madara's hand trailed up to one of his eyes. Why was he…? Was he going to try to…? "Madara-sama, what are you-?"

I don't remember moving, but I somehow found my body flying from some impact to my stomach. Even when I landed on the ground, my forehead crashing into a rock and causing my body to suddenly stop. Blood ran down my face I still didn't understand when I moved. My vision kept giving out, black to color, black to color as if my mind wasn't sure if it wanted to become unconscious or not. I think I have a concussion. I could vaguely hear people yelling my name, but I pushed myself to my knees and my vision slowly focused on Madara walking towards Obito… I couldn't see his face.

"Ma…" I coughed roughly, only mildly noting the blood now on the ground, I think a rib broke, "Madara…? What…?"

He stopped, and turned his head to look at me, no… not look… he was glaring at me. What was once a fatherly expression was now stone cold, rinnegan replacing his sharingan, "Oh, you survived that. What an annoying brat." My body froze at the tone, he sounded like he did in the anime, uncaring and borderline insane with power.

Itachi rushed to my side and hooked his hands under my arms to help me stand, "What is the meaning of this Madara? Why did you kick him?" Is that what happened? That would explain why a bruise was beginning to form.

"Did you really think I would abandon my goals for peace simply because I saw a version of it? I just needed time to figure out how to change it, and thankfully, Deidara here was more than willing to keep me around." A sadistic grin formed on that stone cold face, "You should have gotten rid of me the moment you slammed the coffin lid on my face."

I rubbed my stomach with a wince, "How… but you… everything…"

"Everything I did for you? Heh, you really were easy to manipulate. It only took me minutes of knowing you to figure out what you wanted the most and I gave it to you, a father figure. You valued safety above all else, all I had to do was put in little gestures of affection and you took the bait.." As if to prove his point, his lightly pats the top of his head, "Pathetic… amusing… but pathetic all the same."

I slowly started seeing red, whether it's from the blood on my face or just rage. Madara began to move his hands and my thoughts cleared up. It soon became a race to see who could cast their jutsu faster.

"Release!"

...

Madara was faster.

The connection between us broke, I was no longer in control of him. I had to stop at the last hand sign, otherwise, I break my connection with Hashirama, Tobirama, and Izuna.

"Deidara!" I turn my head to the right to see Sasuke running towards Itachi and me, "What the hell is happening?!"

"Madara used Deidara." Itachi lets me go and pulls Sasuke aside to question him about something. Minato and Kushina were hugging and talking to Naruto while also keeping an eye on Obito and Madara as they began walking towards the Juubi. Hiruzen slowly walked towards me.

"Deidara? Are you okay…?" The old man reached out to touch my shoulder but pulled away when the Juubi roared. Kakashi focused his chakra into his sharingan to use Kamui on Madara, only for Obito to quickly suck up Kakashi for them to fight in the other world, leaving Madara to deal with us. With Obito gone and Madara waiting for his rebirth, the Juubi was free to do whatever it wanted.

"He used me…" My voice shook, my heart pounding in my head, "He… played me… like a puppet… like an idiot… like a child…" A growl escaped my throat. If this Uchiha thinks I'll allow him to get away with using me… oh no, he's got another thing coming, "I'll kill him…"

Nothing else mattered at this moment, I barely took notice of Naruto giving everyone chakra cloaks. Shoving my hands in my pouches and clasping them together, I create a C2 dragon. Just before taking off, I summoned Tobirama and Hashirama to help with the Juubi, not even realizing that my unstable emotions will hinder this progress.

Upon sensing Hashirama's chakra, Madara instantly leapt to the Senju for his expecting battle. But he barely had time to miss being hit by one of my missiles. He looked up to my dragon, his insane glee instantly shut down at the sight of another missile being fired at him, "So… you want to dance in place of Hashirama…"

"Damn right I want this dance!" Fire, "I trusted you!" Fire, "I told you that this plan would fail, your hope for peace would fail!" Fire, "But you didn't listen! You're so far off the deep end from Zetsu's manipulation! And you had the nerve..." Fire.

Fire… fire… fire…

"YOU HAD THE NERVE TO ACT LIKE A FATHER TO ME! YOU HAD THE NERVE TO MAKE ME THINK YOU CARED!"

Fire... fire... FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE!

What was once a simple game to Madara, soon became a task of dodging rapidly fired homing missiles as the explosions got bigger and louder. Itachi and Sasuke activated their Susano-o to keep the allied shinobi safe from my bombs by attacking Madara when he got too close. On several occasions, the Juubi would get hit and be nearly topple over by the force.

But I didn't care, Madara was still moving.

I didn't let him stop, I kept him on his toes, I would not let him be reborn. I want the last thing this Uchiha to see was my art flying at him with a big happy "BYE!" on their face. If my dragon had any bones he would have a broken jaw by now, his tail getting smaller and smaller as my bombs flew out bigger and faster. I was already preparing a second C2 dragon when this one ran out. My vision was beginning to blur… I hate him for making me care… I hate that I'm crying because of him.

 **3rd person POV**

Kimimaro looked up at the dragon in the sky, then to his boyfriend and brother, "Nii-sama has completely lost it…" The dragon soon skydived to the ground towards Madara as Deidara hopped on another one, resuming his explosions as Madara gracefully dodged each attack.

Naruto's face pinched up in frustration as rocks flew past his head and barely missed his face, "We can't get to him or Madara with those explosions, dattebayo." He flinched at the near deafening blast, "And Kakashi-sensei is missing too." In the corner of his eyes, he notices Hashirama reforming after getting caught in one of the explosions and had to be pulled back by his brother. Everyone else was wisely staying away from the bomber's range of attack, though still on their toes to avoid the debris flying in every direction.

Kushina hummed to herself, "He certainly has a temper, we might as well wait for him to wear himself out before joining in the battle." Had Deidara actually been her and Minato's child, she could never suggest the idea of him running out of chakra. But Deidara was from Iwagakure, and earth style is notorious for being chakra draining because of the manipulation of matter.

"Don't expect that anytime soon." Everyone turned to look at Orochimaru as he stood next to Sasuke and Itachi, chuckling the entire time, "The moment Deidara runs out of chakra, he'll pull more out from my curse mark, unless he suddenly decides to stop. If you really want to attack, you'll have to do so between blasts." Running a hand through his hair removed the random bits of stone from it, he mused to himself another possibility, "Or knock him out."

Naruto violently rubbed his face with his hands, "Gah! How the hell are we supposed to attack that ugly thing between Deidara-nii's attacks?!" As if to prove his point, Minato attempted to throw one of his special kunai into the battlefield. The poor thing was instantly obliterated by the time it got close to the poofy-haired Uchiha, "See?!"

Kimimaro sighed and rubbed his temples, "We may have to use some kind of attack or genjutsu to knock Nii-sama out. We're running out of time, but thankfully Madara is distracted… it just doesn't make any sense to me." Everyone looks to the teen in confusion, "Why would Madara act like he did around Nii-sama if he was going to betray him in the end? All he would have to do is corporate and occasionally fight for Nii-sama. Why put in the extra effort to form a strong bond with him?"

Minato blinked a few times before his eyes lit up from an idea, "Maybe he was expecting Deidara-san to betray us and join him?" He was met with several blank looks, even his damn wife was deadpanned, "Okay… so that's not the case… what do you think Itachi? ... er… Itachi?"

But Itachi kept quiet, never once taking his eyes off the fight in front of him with his Susano-o activated. All he needed was for Madara to get close to his sword and they would get rid of the problem at hand.

Kimimaro crossed his arms, shooting out some bones from his shoulder to block a rock, "He must have wanted Nii-sama to react like this. Let's all be honest here, he acts irrational when upset." Minato and Kushina sweatdropped when they heard murmurs of agreement. Just what kind of person was raising their son?

Kimimaro's attention was momentarily brought over to Neji, who was using his byakugan to keep everyone updated.

"Hey… guys… Deidara-san's dragon is out of bombs… and I think he's out of chakra."

 **Deidara's POV**

My breath consisted of short, heavy pants as I realized that my second dragon no longer had a tail. Down below the entire earth had been upturned and left behind massive craters from my explosion. The real eyesore was that in the center of everything was a very bored Madara. The fact he was bored with this whole thing sent my blood back to a boil.

"Is that all you got, Deidara? Or is your art not as great as you're lead to believe? I thought you trained yourself to fight against Uchiha… or was that all a bluff?" To add insult to injury, the Uchiha proceed to cross his arms out of sheer boredom. He looked as if any second now he would fall over and go to sleep! "Why don't you get off that oversized toy and fight me head on?"

Shoving my hands in my pouches once more, I pooled in more chakra into my palm mouths. Hatred consuming my brain as I had to pull chakra from my curse mark to create a C3, something I never thought I would need to use. It's the only kind that I cannot fully control, and if anyone gets too close to this area… well, they're smart enough to stay out of the way.

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of a response to that…" He doesn't deserve to see me angry about my art, he deserves to have this be shoved down his throat. Noting in the corner of my eye, everyone leaping away to keep their distance from the upcoming blast. Dropping the plain clay doll, it poofed to the size of an elephant halfway meeting it's explosion point, "Die… Katsu!"

At first, there was no sound, but soon my ears rang from the explosion and I was momentarily blinded by the light. I haven't made something so bright in a long time, not since Orochimaru invaded Konoha if my memory serves me right. Falling to my knees I let out a soft groan as my chakra was almost completely gone. It's slowly becoming too much to even keep this dragon flying, let alone make more explosions; I guess this is what happens when you spend the entire day on the battlefield and constantly using chakra. I also noticed Naruto and the others bolting through the smoke to head towards the Juubi.

"You forgot that your explosions cannot harm Susano-o." What?! Poking my head over the edge of my dragon, I spot Madara chilling inside his Susano-o, "But that was rather impressive… for someone not a part of the Uchiha clan."

That stung, a lot. Watching the blue mass of chakra move, I realize it was aiming for the dragon and I quickly leapt off. Madara's Susano-o sword colliding with the C2 made another explosion that forced me to fall to the ground faster. But before I could hit the ground, a line of chains shoots out from Madara's sleeve and binds my arms to my body, when the hell did I supply him with chains?

"Nii-sama!" Upon impact to the earth, I feel Kimimaro running towards us.

"Go help your brother, Kimimaro! I'm okay, un!" If there was one thing I didn't want, it was Kimimaro or any of the other teens fighting Madara. He didn't seem to have any intentions of killing me right away, otherwise, he wouldn't have wasted time tying me up. But something was off with the chains, the longer I stayed connected to them… I felt weaker… they're draining my chakra.

I feel Madara stop right behind me, "You just stay right there and out of my way." He creates a wood clone to keep an eye on me while he ran to battle the others. Why was he keeping me alive? At one point the clone picked me up to avoid contact with the Juubi or its clones.

I couldn't move, I was too tired. My consciousness kept leaving me, and every time I opened it something new was going on. Obito was the jinchuuriki, hair turned white from the transformation. Naruto, Minato, and Hashirama using senjutsu to combat against him. So much was happening… but something felt off about the entire thing.

Even when Madara betrayed Obito, and was reborn from the man and became a Jinchuuriki. Even when he was fighting Gai and was struggling to keep up with the man's 8 Gates… this all felt off. Madara wasn't using fatal attacks, he hasn't even used Susano-o to the extent that I remember him using. Sure he was missing Hashirama's cells because Kabuto didn't mess with his body, but he should be stronger than this.

I couldn't stay awake anymore.

 **3rd person POV**

The entire shinobi alliance was collaborating their jutsu to take down the Juubi, with Naruto's chakra it should go down… right?

Apparently not, the creature was going insane. Missing Kurama and Gyuki hindered its brain process, if it had one. Out of self-defence after being trapped, it created smaller clones of itself while Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke summoned their animals. Naruto had Gamakichi, Sakura had Katsuyu, and Sasuke had a timid spiny bush viper named Touma that made Manda look like a shrimp.

"Sasuke-sama, that thing looks tough…" Touma isn't one for battles, but his master summoned him and his clan's pride was at risk if he failed. Not to mention the entire world.

Sasuke leaned down and pat the viper on the head, "Don't worry. Just unsummon yourself if you get hurt."

"If you say so…" His spike like scales puffed up when some of the Juubi's clones tried to climb on him. "Ew!" Without thinking, the massive snake smashed the clones against his body with his tail, "... Sasuke-sama, the thing is giving birth to bugs…"

Naruto made a face of bewilderment as he watched Sasuke comfort the giant serpent, "Neh… Teme? Don't you have a more confident snake to use?" Gamakichi chuckled in agreement. Naruto thought snakes were supposed to be tough and refined, this one is acting like its self-esteem was the size of a pea.

Sasuke grunted and slammed his hands together. His teammates and their summons watched in awe as Sasuke's Susano-o slowly engulfed Touma's form, covering the serpent in purple samurai armor and even producing 7 other necks and heads at the base of Touma's body. Sasuke ended up recreating Yamata-no-Orochi and he was so damn smug about it.

"Yay! Sasuke-sama's Susano-o!" If the snake had a human mouth he would be smiling with glee. Sasuke looked at his teammates with an expression that read "beat THAT" before Touma sprang into battle.

Naruto looked down at Gamakichi in though, "So… Gamakichi, how about I ask Kurama-"

"No."

"Fine."

Sakura sweatdropped as she watched Sasuke's summon slither around, "I never thought I would one day find snakes adorable…" Snapping out her daze, Sakura had Katsuyu break apart into hundreds of her clones to go heal the Shinobi Alliance. She saved a bit of her chakra for whenever they would have the chance to get to Deidara, the Madara wood clone wasn't allowing anyone to go near them.

While the trio focused on getting closer to the trapped Juubi, and the rest of the forces focused on the clones, Itachi stayed back to take care of the clones and waited for Madara to appear in front of him. The younger had to cool his emotions so he could fight with a clear mind.

"I know you hate me Itachi. Not only because of Deidara, but also because of Obito the clan planned a coup."

Itachi relaxed his shoulders, "No… they would have planned a coup even without the Kyuubi being released that day. They were all too bitter to try and change… I don't hate you for the clan. I hate that our clan's legacy is a washed-up has-been that would throw away his life and betray his village." Orange chakra engulfed his body as he formed his perfect Susano-o, his body floating to stand in the forehead.

"Oh? Do you want my legacy then?" Madara mimicked Itachi, and now two giant tengus faced against one-another.

"I would rather not. I've made my own without your help." A hand sign later and his Susano-o sword clashed with three of Madara's, the free hand grabbing the fourth, "People like you… should burn…"

Madara flung himself away when black flames engulfed his Susano-o, "Heh… now, this is a fight. Show me your best Itachi, but can you kill a sage?"

"Even a sage can be burned with the right fire…"

"I suppose so, let's see if you actually have the right kind then. The moon is almost in place, let's finish this with a proper dance."

 **Deidara's POV**

When I was finally conscious enough to understand my surroundings, Madara stood next to me in his Jinchuriki form but he only had one eye, "Now then… what to do with you? You're the reason why I was reanimated in the first place. The jutsu is nearly complete as well…"

Blinking a few times to regain brain functions, I quickly brush my thumb over my ring finger to calm my speeding heart. The ruby was still in one piece. Shifting my eyes, I realize that Itachi has been fighting one of Madara's wood clones, "You couldn't even face Itachi head on… coward…"

"Make no mistake, I don't have any intention of fighting him head on even with the Juubi's chakra flowing within me…" I watch as he dug through my clay pouch and found one particular seal, "I cannot believe you carried these with you." Producing my jar of sharingan, he opened the lid and pulled out an eye and used it to replace his missing one in his empty socket. My confusion spiked when instead of destroying the jar, he placed it back into the seal in my pouch. His eyes move to the side briefly as Black Zetsu showed up before looking back at me, "It's time to end this."

Black Zetsu let out a throaty chuckle as he hovered over Madara's shoulder, " **A wise move Madara-sama, he'll only get in the way if let free or put under the genjutsu. Killing him would be best.** " So, this is how I'm going to die? Madara kills me in some way and then Zetsu uses him to revive Kaguya?

"When did I say that I would be killing my child?"

What…?

" **What?!** " Okay, I thought that first you asshole. I struggle to move my hair out of my face as I watched Madara stab the side of Obito's body that is covered in Black Zetsu, " **What is the meaning of this, Madara-sama?** "

"It sounds sickening when a creature like you says my name. Please perish as punishment for even making me put up with this stupid act." A snap of his fingers has the chains around my arms vanish in an instant, "I'm sorry I had to do that to you."

"I'll kick your ass later, un…" I growled when he let out a laugh, "That's not funny you bastard, I hate you Uchihas and your acting skills."

"I had to do it to get Zetsu to lower its guard. But I understand your anger, it was difficult keeping up this charade while also keeping deaths to a minimum. That Gai fellow was the hardest to keep alive." With a roll of his makeshift eyes, he resumed his attacks towards Black Zetsu.

Pushing myself up, barely able to stand at the moment. I was quickly scooped up by an injured Tobirama and set down by Itachi. The moment I was back on the ground, I was pawed frantically by Itachi.

"Honey, I'm okay… Madara didn't hurt me…" I was lost about the whole thing, 'He was acting this whole time… Why didn't he just tell me?' I look over my shoulder to watch Zetsu sink into the ground and away from Madara's attacks.

Sakura kneeled by my side and ran a glowing hand over my ribs, "He broke a rib, stay still while I heal you." I grunted slightly as I hear her snap the bones back into place, "I'd avoid strong contact around your stomach for some time."

"Thanks Sakura, but considering who is going to be summoned soon… fuck… ITACHI! SASUKE!"

Both brothers quickly clapped their hands and created their Susano-o once more, blocking our gaze from the moon as it turned red with the Infinite Tsukuyomi. After a few minutes, the Sunano-os died down to reveal that stupid tree, everyone trapped inside its genjutsu.

"Fucking hell… guess Kaguya's going to be brought back at this rate, un. Kimimaro, you and Neji stay ba-" I cut myself short when I turned and noticed our party and did a mental roll call, 'Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, Uchiha brothers, the Hokages, Kushina, Madara is over there…' "Where are Kimimaro and Neji?"

Naruto looked around, "They went to help Hinata and the others fight the Juubi clones…" Our eyes widened in an instant, "They're in one of those mummy things!"

They're in the tree, everyone is in that tree… my twins are in that tree! My babies! Okay, rational thinking over, time to kill tree.

Swiftly turning at a 180°, my face slammed into Madara's chest as he appeared in front of me, "Get out of my way you bastard!"

"I know you're still angry with me. But everyone will be okay, we just need to break the genjutsu." Madara's eyes widened as his hair turned from white and back to black, his outfit reverted back to his red armor. Even his Gunbai materialized in place of his staff, "What the-?"

" **That won't happen anytime soon. It's time for Kaa-san's revival.** " Looking past Madara, Black Zetsu placed his hand on… Why is there a pair of legs all the way by the tree- oh right, didn't Sasuke slice Madara in half at some point*?

Using chakra gathered from the tree and also Madara's chakra, a big mass of darkness formed, slowly forming into a dazed Kaguya. Lovely, just lovely, pure sarcasm by the way.

"Duck-kun, Naruto, meet your preincarnation's grandmother. Literally the most boring, unhyped antagonist I have ever witnessed be created, un."

* * *

 **Madara was fun to write, in general I decided to get creative in just how cold and heartless I could make him sound until the very end of it. Also Touma was written when I was sleep deprived on the bus, I do not regret my decision on him. By the way, my beta agrees with all of you calling me evil :P if I didn't tell her about Madara from the start, she would have freaked out on me.**

 **For anyone scratching their heads as to why Itachi has a perfect Susano-o, my logic is that if Kakashi can get it with regular sharingan, then my Itachi with the eternal version should be able to have it too. Kishimoto did design perfect Susano-o for all of the Uchiha in the video games and they look amazing.**

*I got this idea from a random comment I saw on a Madara video, someone thought that a way to have Madara be in Boruto was to have Zetsu use the part of Madara that was cut off to summon Kaguya. I thought the idea was cool and so I used it.

 **Next chapter is… heheheheheh, let's just say I am having way too much fun writing it right now. If you're expect a serious battle where Deidara occasionally insults Kaguya, but is stressed by the battle and how helpless the situation is… yeah don't. Minus the insulting part, please ditch all expectations for a serious, thought-provoking battle. What I have written up so far is pure crack and Kaguya ain't even in most of the chapter (hence why I kept saying I took creative liberties with it). I would say more but my beta doesn't want me to spoil anything.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week.**

 **Bye!**


	51. Fun

**Oooohhhhh boy. Okay, time to address the elephant in the room. This chapter was handled VERY differently from the other chapters, in that I literally will not give a single crap about anyone not liking it. Since I loath the Kaguya fight with a passion (and her character in general), my beta and I agreed that this would be my "reward" chapter for continuously trying my hardest to produce quality, story-driven content. As a result, I did whatever I felt like doing for this "fight". Please be aware that this is the only time I will do something like this. I just wanted a chapter that made ME smile the entire time, if you guys like it then that's an added bonus.**

 **MASS WARNING RIGHT HERE, PLEASE READ: I have organized everything to go with Kaguya dimension hopping, you will learn very quickly that Deidara does not go to the normal worlds Kaguya sends everyone. In fact, they hold massive spoilers for some fandoms. If you are a fan and are afraid of spoilers, please feel free to scroll past that section and move along. Everything is organized by "1st world" "2nd world" and so on, hard to miss, they are one of the few things bolded. No story progression happens after Kaguya dimension hops and it does not resume until the final line of the chapter. The rest is pure, joyous, crack (at least my definition of crack).**

 **Also special announcement in bottom AN.**

 **Anyway, thank you all so much for the faves, follows and reviews. Pretty fun reactions this time around.**

 **Yensia: Could be worse, I could be some authors that don't have an upload schedule or keep you all in the dark for weeks. XP Glad you are loving the story hun!**

 **wyattharto8: Mwahahahahahaha- yeah I'm an evil author. :P**

 **Ringo1327: Yeah, Madara is alive.**

 **setokayba2n: Oh no, Naruto is not gonna even try to Talk-no-Jutsu to Kaguya, she's way too bonkers to even try that.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: Uchihas are over complicated creatures, aren't they? Not kidding, the Sexy Reverse Harem no Jutsu is the only bit from the anime that I watched of the Kaguya fight, I have never sat down and watch it in the anime. I've played the game, but that's about it.**

 **VenaHope: Honestly, why do you think Kaguya will literally only get less than 3 pages (on a google doc, original format) of screen time in this chapter? Kishimoto creates a villian at the last minute to replace Madara, because everyone that COULD kill Madara are DEAD, doesn't do anything to give her a backstory until almost a year later in the anime… and her backstory isn't even that interesting! He couldn't even make us give a crap about a last minute villain, while Madara has been hyped since the first Sasuke vs Naruto in the end of Shippuden.**

 **Supu Fumi Heren: ohhh… if you're here for a lots of Kaguya you may want to find another fic to give you your battling fill… I don't do much with her. .-. Hope you still find this chapter amusing.**

 **animecutylover: Let's be real, Hiruzen would have a heart attack if he learned a mini-Shisui is being raised by Deidara.**

 **Liliah Dark: I never said I was a nice author hun~ :P**

 **Pr1n3ss K3nny: I think most of the shock value is the fact that Madara was more than willing to beat the shit out of Deidara just to keep up the act. That bit with the tree made my beta laugh quite a bit as well lol.**

 **hartman227: I could never keep him being evil really, if I did he would have been killed at some point in the last chapter.**

 **Eternal Hokage: I most likely won't do that, while Deidara likes to talk about the timeline he prefers to keep little bits of trivia to himself about the people around him… plus I totally forgot he was voiced by a woman, so Deidara doesn't even know that in this fic.**

" **Blah** " - Black Zetsu

 **1st world, 2nd world, etc.** \- Different worlds that Deidara goes into.

" _Blah"_ \- English… lots and lots of English.

 **Warning: Violence, veeeerrrrryyyyy vulgar language (more so than normal in some parts), massive spoilers for various franchises (you will learn what the worlds are before the spoilers arrive) Sexy jutsus, character deaths, fangirling, certain character bashing and it ain't Kaguya.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any other franchise that appears in this fic. The specific franchises in this chapter will have a disclaimer in the bottom AN to avoid spoilers.**

* * *

" **Is there anything you don't know?** " Zetsu growled venomously inside the sleeve of Kaguya's kimono, making him sound more like a scared kid than a freaky plant monster.

"Yeah, I don't know who was stupid enough to have sex with Bland-hime and actually stay turned on long enough to give her sons, un..." Everyone went quiet, "What? It's true."

"Deidara-sensei… you sound more bitter than usual…" Sakura let out a soft gulp when I snapped my attention to her.

I suddenly became extremely animated, "Well excuse me. I got into this fanbase when I was 10 and spent the next 6 years hyped up for the final battle. Which, by the way, was supposed to be against HIM!" I throw my thumb out so fast at Madara that I actually smacked him in the face, "And then, low and behold, just when things got juicy, Kaguya takes the spotlight. THERE WAS NO MENTION OF THIS WOMAN UNTIL NOW, UN!"

My head felt lighter than normal. In the corner of my eye, I see Itachi holding the ribbon used to keep my ponytail up. It took me a moment to realize that my hair began to defy gravity due to my contained rage, and the ribbon flew off. Everyone took a step away to give me space.

With an unamused snort that sounded way too much like a horse, I swallow a soldier pill to let my chakra replenish, "Let's just deal with this mess and get the war over with. I remember how it begins and how it ends, un." I notice Naruto and Sasuke looking at me with wide eyes, "Now what?"

"You barely remember this?" Naruto's mouth hanged open with horror, "How?"

I limply motion to Kaguya, "Do you really think teenage me would bother investing her time and energy after Madara got replaced? I read this fight when it was first released as a manga and that was it. No anime, no games, no rereads, un." Honestly, had I known I would be sent to this world, I would have spent countless hours relearning this fight. But instead, I chose to invest in episodes with the Akatsuki. Frankly, I don't regret my choices.

" **Kaa-san, the angry blond needs to die. He is a thorn in our sides.** " Seemingly awakened by Black Zetsu's words, Kaguya perked up from her daze. But she seemed more interested in Sasuke and Naruto.

I really wanted to end this quickly. Grasping at spider web-like threads that consisted of my memories, I searched desperately for something we could do to start the fight off… and then a light bulb turned on.

'Well… it happens later in the fight… but it IS the only scene I have ever watched of this from the anime…'

"Naruto, look at Kaguya, what does she remind you of?"

Naruto tilted his head and examined the floating woman, "Um… I dunno."

"A noblewoman honey. Someone who… I don't know… doesn't see much? Hmm?" Naruto's shoulder tensed up, but then turned to give me an evil grin, "Catch my drift?"

The others stared at us blankly, before everyone but Itachi and Madara paled. Oh yeah… it's gonna happen.

Naruto's body was engulfed in chakra and transformed into his sage mode bijuu cloak, "Sasuke, prepare one of your Amaterasu-Chidori thingies. I'm going in!" Ignoring the protests from everyone, Naruto charged towards Kaguya and created about a dozen shadow clones. Out of reflex, Kaguya activated her byakugan.

"SEXY REVERSE HAREM JUTSU!"

I love my brother.

Kaguya was soon surrounded by very hot, and VERY naked men as sparkling clouds temporarily covered their private areas. I hear Madara smack a hand over his eyes while Sakura and Kushina suffered nosebleeds.

Actually, I felt something drip down my face. Touching my nose, I see blood resting on my fingertips. Wait… I can get nosebleeds?! Snapping my head up to look at the jutsued men, I deadpanned in an instant… oh… that explains a lot.

"Itachi, you shared my memories with Naruto on the various anime I enjoy, didn't you?" A good handful of the clones looked way to similar to some anime characters I have had a history of squealing over.

Itachi shrugged, but an amused smirk was on his face, "He wanted to see what would cause a reaction." Well, he got one. I quickly rubbed my nose against my dark blue sleeve to stop the bleeding… well, it worked but now I have a dark red splotch on the fabric.

Sakura made a sound in the back of her throat that sounded like a shriek, "There's no way a jutsu like that would work on someone that's considered a goddess-" And Naruto just punched Kaguya in the face and Sasuke slammed into her gut with a flaming, black chidori, "IT WORKED?!"

Still, in a state of bewilderment, Kaguya ran a hand over her kimono, putting out the flames. Zetsu scowled at the teens, " **Kaa-san, it's time to fight.** "

"Yes… I will have all chakra returned to the tree…"

There was suddenly an odd tugging sensation. It was pulling at my body despite the lack of forceful movement. I slammed my eye shut to hopefully lessen the feeling.

And I no longer sensed the others.

 **1st world**

When the tugging sensation stopped, all I could think of was one simple sentence.

'Why is this place so fucking cold?!' I looked up towards the lifeless grey sky to see an endless shower of snow. Only Itachi and Madara were with me. Something must have made Kaguya's dimension-warping jutsu glitch on the three of us. Lovely, hopefully we teleport whenever they do, otherwise we're gonna have to get creative in how to return back to the main field. Now where the fuck are we-

" _Hey! Who the fook are you?!"_

Oh… well then… I know exactly where we are.

Leveling my head to normal, my eye trails around to look at dozens of wildlings and men of the Night's Watch drawing their crudely made weapons. I hear Madara snort at the display and I look to my left... Yep. There's The Wall. I'm so happy to have my own personal heaters with me because I swear I can feel my sweat turn to ice.

"Dei, what are they saying?" Itachi takes a step closer to me with the intention of keeping me behind him. However, I quickly maneuvered around that so I stood beside him. Hokage or not, I'm the one that needs to protect him in this situation, not to mention I'd rather not look like a pansy around murders, rapists, thieves and the occasional nice guy- wait I don't see Sam, well that kills the "nice guy" idea pretty quickly.

One of the Crows looks at me with a sneer, " _Got some Essos man whores with you or something, Lannister cunt?"_ Wow… these men would be dead if Madara understood them- EXCUSE ME, I'M A WHAT?!

Placing a hand on Itachi's shoulder, I roughly shove him to the side as my hair began flying in every direction, startling everyone and I hear some call me a mage, " _DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING LANNISTER YOU-"_ I pause, grabbing a fistful of my hair to examine it. What was once a rich, honey-blond was now the color of luscious gold and my English quickly dropped in minor grief, "Seven hells, I really do look like a fucking Lannister."

Casting a glance at Madara and Itachi and actually taking a good look at them, they now looked like people that could belong in my old world… or at least be mistaken for cosplayers of themselves. I'll need to see if this pattern continues when Kaguya uses her jutsu again, this will be interesting.

"Deidara, what exactly is this place?" Madara looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. Oh yeah… I'm supposed to be mad at him, aren't I?

"This is a show I enjoyed and a book series I never read… Madara-sama, hold still please, un." The Uchiha quickly understood what I was about to do and held still until I uppercut him in the jaw. Several Crows and Wildlings murmured their confusion, and soon their fear when my foot slammed into Madara's chest and sent him flying. It wasn't the fact that I sent him flying that made these men concerned, it was the fact I caused a 6-inch indent of Madara's form in their supposed "unbreakable" wall of snow and ice, hair and everything.

The men instantly readied their battle weapons as Madara peeled himself off the wall and back to Itachi and me, looking unharmed though somewhat disgruntled at the fact that he was rammed into a wall, "Did you really have to use that much chakra in your foot, Deidara?"

"You broke one of my ribs, caused emotional trauma and made me waste chakra, deal with it, un." I folded my arms with my nose turned up into the air as Madara let out an overdramatic sigh. Of course I forgive him… but… that doesn't excuse the fact that I couldn't join in the act.

Archers readied their crossbows on us, but they were all stopped when a… I guess authoritative voice entered the courtyard? It's a little hard to take that voice seriously, considering every other person of power in this world barks out orders like a bulldog that saw a squirrel.

" _What's going on here?"_ Everyone looked up to see the Lord of Broods, The Prince that was Promised, Champion of the Battles of the Bastards… and also played by Kit Harington: Jon Snow! Sansa was right behind him, looking at us with interest… so… season six, huh? I guess it's time to meddle in affairs I have no right in interfering.

Before I could even take a step forward, Madara slammed his hand on my shoulder and yanked me backward. The action not only caused my back to collide with his chest, but Itachi had to knock Tormund on his ass for charging.

" _You're good on your feet, southerner. Why are you wasting your time being that Lannister's little cocksucker when you can be on the battlefield?"_

"Dei, I cannot understand what he is saying. His accent is making it harder to decode it." And I thank every Kami in the universe for that, "Your face is turning red..." YA THINK?!

"He said you're good on your feet, please do not make me translate the latter half of it, un. _I'm not a fucking Lannister, that's my husband you're insulting and you can kiss my ass, fire crotch._ " Wow, this world really brings out the ugly side of my language, but Tormund is looking at me with a mixture of mild amusement and annoyance. I look back to the Uchiha holding me still, "Why did you pull me, Madara-sama?"

"Deidara, I trust your judgment, but are you sure you want to meddle with this world?" Madara's grip tightened as he noticed archers in the balconies, "More specifically, are these the people you would want to help? They don't seem…" I look to the group and acknowledged the fact that the majority of the men here have disgusting teeth and look like they don't know what soap is… which is true.

I pinch Madara's gloved wrist and remove his hand from my shoulder, "Yes Madara-sama… if I don't say something, a little boy might die... and then up there fucks his aunt, un." One look at my deadpan expression made both Uchiha step away from me with their arms in a surrender pose, "They're good men at heart, they um… they're just not the most well-mannered." This action made all of the other men get into battle position.

Knowing I may be at the mercy of this world's physics, I pushed chakra into my feet before breaking into a run. Chaos exploded as Crows and Wildlings tried to hit me, only to be knocked over at my sheer speed. Bolts from crossbows nipped at my heels as I ran up the icy wooden beams of Castle Black, parkouring to the rails of the balcony where the Stark children stood.

Moving like fluid water I went from standing on the wood to doing a frog-like crouch so I was eye level with Jon. One hand steading my balance and the other shooting out to grab a bolt that was aimed at my head. This world was… so slow compared to the Naruto world. I didn't need sharingan or even my explosives, just chakra and my sensing. It didn't help that they lacked proper armory, weaponry and their battle styles were medieval at best.

" _Hello, handsome~… And Lady Stark."_ Got to remember my manners when addressing nobility.

A chuckle erupted from my throat as the Lord and Lady went from petrified fear to utter bewilderment. Jon quickly fumbled to get his valyrian steel sword out of its holster as Brienne of Tarth moved Sansa behind her.

" _Broody, I just caught a bolt with my bare hand and ran up a pillar. I'm not a White Walker, your sword won't hurt me."_ I still found myself with a sword being pointed in my face anyway, " _I come to you baring advice and news that may benefit you and your family… my proof of my words you may be asking yourself? Well…"_

I slide off the rail so I stood on my own two feet, forcing Jon to take a step back, " _How did Ygritte put it? Oh yeah... 'You know nothing, Jon Snow.'"_ I kept looking at that pretty, scarred up face as he dropped his sword with a clang. He was a handsome man… but not my type and I'm also married, so I shouldn't look that way...

Nah, Itachi doesn't care.

Sansa let out an audible gulp, " _What do you have to tell us?"_ The shakiness in her voice gave way to the fear she had. Considering she had just escaped from Ramsay Bolton a couple of days ago, I don't blame her for finding little ol' me intimidating. Even though I would like to think I look prettier and nicer than a dude who fed his baby brother to dogs.

With a sigh and a shiver from the cold that made everyone flinch due to the squeak that escaped me, " _Sorry about that, it happens. Anyway, all of your siblings are alive save for Robb."_ I felt their hearts skip a few beats, " _You'll see Rickon first, he's Ramsay's prisoner."_

Jon gave me a suspicious look, " _We know this."_ Oh, well good then.

"Ramsay plans on luring Jon into battle using the boy, but will kill him before Jon's horse can get to him." I jab Jon in the chest with my pointer finger, " _I don't care how silly it sounds. Scream at Rickon to zig-zag, it'll make it harder for that Bolton bastard to hit his throat. If you don't do this, he'll be dead by the time you and your horse make it too him. In fact, going towards Rickon is what will lead you right into his trap..."_ The fact that I knew that I would not be able to stay in this world long enough to at least ensure the kid lives pained me, this world definitely needed some heavy meddling with. But that is also not something I would want to get involved with, the politics in the Five Great Nations were at least manipulatable.

Jon stared at me while processing this new information before nodding and motioning me to continue.

I opened my mouth when I felt a tugging sensation, out of panic I spoke quickly, " _And whatever you do, do not have sex with the fucking dragon queen! For the love of the Old Gods, talk with your brother Bran and your friend Sam first! She's your bloody a-"_

We were teleported out of that world before I could tell Jon the whole truth.

 **2nd world**

Goodbye snow, hello sand!

Squinting my eye as the harsh rays of a stupid desert sun smacked into my vision, I looked around to get my bearings. This place looked way too much like Aladdin for my liking, and I am really not a fan of that movie.

"Dei, does this place seem familiar to you?" Itachi held his hand over his brow to keep the sun out of his eyes. Madara was the only one not bothered by the sun, guess it helps when your hair blocks everything, "It seems like Suna, but the architect is different."

Growling in annoyance as sand started sinking its way into my shoes, I kick said sand away, "Yeah, it's some movie I grew up loving as a kid. It's about a thief who gets a… well, it looks like a pot but it's called a lamp. Seriously, I was so close to telling Jon Snow the whole thing, and instead, we get stuck in stupid Aladdin-"

"BURN BABY!"

"-Nevermind! I told him how to save his brother. I am happier now, un!" With a tiny squee which caught both men by surprise, I bolt towards the voice in childish glee, "We're in Kingdom Hearts!"

I hear Itachi mutter a, "Good thing Obito missed the party…" and Madara letting out a laugh as we reached the market square. In the middle of it was Axel and Roxas fighting a Barrier Master and Fat Bandits.

I inhaled sharply to contain my inner fangirl. Seriously, I thought that died after I got married? Aw who cares, friken Axel is here!

The two seemed to be handling things okay until a Fat Bandit appeared behind Roxas and was preparing a belly flop. Instincts took over.

"R- Kid, look out!" Chucking a C1 at the heartless, instantly taking it out. The Organization duo paused their fighting to look at our arrival, Axel killing the last heartless with his chakrams.

"Wha… what was that?" Roxas stared at us with a dazed look, "You blew it up…"

"Who cares buddy? He helped!" Axel walked to us, placing a hand on his hip and began making random gestures with his hand, "Thanks for the assist there."

I had to keep myself from staring at the gestures. Seriously… Kingdom Hearts uses them everytime someone talks, "Y… yeah… no problem, un." I rub the back of my neck as I felt a blush forming. I hear Itachi make a random sound through his nose as my shy side took over, I could tell it was more from amusement than jealousy or anger.

Axel tilted his head and my eye instantly locked onto the fact his hair has physics, "Got a name there chatterbox? The name's Axel," He places his finger to his temple, "got it memorized?"

I hear Madara lean towards and whisper to Itachi, "And we just lost Deidara. Are you really not bothered by this, Itachi?"

"He's free to look, but not allowed to touch."

I started blocking them out. Axel said the thing! My idol in the video game industry just said his famous phrase to me! I think I forgot how to breathe. It doesn't help that Axel is amazing to look at, with that fire for hair, toxic green eyes and that height- wait, stop it, you're married!

"D...Deidara, un."

Axel had his eyebrow raise up and he had his smug smirk plastered on, "Deidaraun?"

And the magic just died right there.

The entire upper half of my body went limp with a doom cloud, "Would your last name happen to be Uchiha? Cause you talk like these jerks behind me, un." I jab a thumb over my shoulder, no doubt Itachi is trying to be polite and quiet. Madara's just snickering obnoxiously, "And it's Deidara. I have a verbal tic that I don't have much control of, un."

Axel reached out and ruffled my hair, "Easy tiny," HEY! "I'm just messing with you. Got it memorized?" And there's the magic again, I only just now realized that they were speaking in Japanese.

Roxas must have realized that they were wasting time and began tugging on Axel's sleeve, "Axel, we need to RTC and go to the clocktower. Maybe Xion will be there.

"Hm?" Axel looked at his chibi companion, "Right…"

Xion? When is this? "Is something wrong with your friend, un?"

Roxas dipped his head with a sigh, "She's been acting weirdly lately…Demyx mentioned something about me flipping her switch, but I can't figure out what that means..." That doesn't help anything, "I'm gonna go on ahead and fill the mission gauge more." Turning around, he ran off, occasionally doing those stupid jumps and leaps around Agrabah.

Axel almost instantly had the look of a guilty parent, rubbing the back of his head, "Man… what a mess. Well, nice to meet you, folks." He soon began to walk away.

My heart sped up almost instantly. Xion... Axel and Roxas obviously have a strained relationship… wait… wait wait wait!

"Axel!" Reaching out, I grab the taller male by his hood, making him bend backward, "Listen to me and listen good. Nobodies can grow hearts."

"Eh?" He looked at me like I've gone insane.

"Lea," He turns pale, "Whatever emotions you, Roxas, and Xion think you're feeling, embrace them. Don't trust Xemnas, that Kingdom Hearts he's making will put hearts in you… but not your own, you'll lose yourself to Xehanort. Take the two and get as far away from the Organization as possible, un."

Fire was forming in his hands, "Why should I believe you? Who the hell are you guys?"

"I'm from another world, no duh there. Do I look like I'm from Agrabah?" There's no biggie telling him this, there are tons of worlds in this universe, "Look at Saix the next time you see him, look long and good at what's physically different. Look at his eyes and see the changes, un."

Letting him go, Axel stumbled to get his bearings. Once upright he took a long look at us before his eyes widened and he ran off after Roxas.

Itachi pulled me into a hug the moment I buried my face in my hands, "Are you okay?" He adjusts my arms so that they would be returning a hug, not like he's going to get any protesting from me.

With a sigh, I nod into his shoulder, "Yeah… I'm just a little overwhelmed. Madara's constant side changing and we can't even fight Kaguya with the others… we're going into worlds that are close to my heart… I guess it's a bit much for me to take..." I'm just worried about Naruto and the others, I doubt we'll go into a world that will kill us, but Kaguya is a powerful opponent.

Slowly pushing myself away from Itachi, I roll my shoulders, "If this is going to be the running trend, my reactions in this form are going to cause some eyebrow-raising. So…" Itachi visibly tensed up, "transform!"

I couldn't even get the clouds to clear up before I had hands on me, "Madara-sama! I have to breathe!" I quickly began to squirm away, hoping that I could get away from his prudeness.

Madara huffed as he yanked me backward, "You're married now, you shouldn't be showing off this much skin even when your husband is with you." Not even giving me a warning, he pulled the back of my kimono into place so it covered and resumed fixing my obi, he only loosened it when I yelped in pain from my still recovering rib.

I pout after the pain faded, "But you said basically the same thing before I married Itachi, un!"

There was a noticeable halt in Madara's work, "... You're still not allowed to show this much skin." One of these days I'm going to summon him, while in this form, wearing a bikini. I mean, I get why he's a prude. With the time he was raised and he treats me like I'm his own child… but I'm an adult and married, let me show some skin damnit!

The moment Madara released his hold on me, I bolted to Itachi's side and hid behind him. The poor guy was still stiff as a board around me, but he relaxed seeing that my kimono was fixed.

Satisfied with what I was able to tell Axel, I didn't feel the need to argue when the tugging sensation arrived.

 **3rd world**

The moment the feeling of dizziness left me, I adjusted my kimono back to its original form much to Madara's displeased grunt. With that out of the way, I examined the area instantly. It was a clean, fancy hallway with marble high walls and luxurious shiny tiles on the floor. This was obviously either some extravagant government building or a school, and based on the numbers by the doors, my money was on school. And the multitudes of women screaming told me exactly what world this was. No need to meddle here, but I wanted to see something.

I had to stop both Uchiha's from charging ahead to investigate the noise, momentarily enjoying how pretty their eyes and hair became, like a Shoujo manga, "It's fine, this world is harmless, un." The two paused, then nodded and followed me as I approached a door, "Just… keep the weapons hidden." I eyed Madara's Gunbai as there really was no way to hide it.

As I pushed open the door, I got smacked in the face with rose petals and sparkly background. Time to say hi to the Ouran Highschool Host club… well… better than most harem anime and at least it wasn't ecchi. I do not want some chick's giant boobs getting close and personal towards my husband, I already have to deal with that every time I leave him alone during dates.

Everyone's laughter and squeals were cut short by our appearance, and almost instantly the whispering began.

"Are they new students?"

"She's dressed in such a fine kimono, but she looks like a foreigner. I wonder what family she's from… and she's not wearing it right..."

"Look at those men, they're so handsome! Oh, I hope they are bodyguards or ninja assigned to protect her, that would be so moe!" Oh hey, I found Renge.

My eye somewhat twitches when all of the girls' attention focuses on my husband and… what category does Madara fall under? Father? Who cares. The hosts quickly notice us once their guests began to ignore them, almost instantly all of the more expressive hosts began focusing on us with Kyoya taking notes in the background.

Tamaki swaggered over and pulled out a rose out of nowhere, "Welcome to the Host Club! I am the king, Tamaki Suoh, and what is your name little princess~?" Thinking to be charming, he held the rose to me as I flinched back at all of the sparkles emanating from him, hiding part of my face behind my kimono sleeve, "Oh? Looks like we have a shy one here. It's alright, we're gentlemen in this Host Club, here to entertain the rich and beautiful~."

I mumble softly to myself, "And you're not very bright either…"

"Hey boss, I don't think she's interested in you!" Hikaru called out from his chair, his twin leaning on top of him.

"Besides that, the one with the ponytail looks pretty maaaaad~" Karou finished the thought.

Tamaki and I both looked behind me to see Itachi glaring pure venom at the teen as he protectively pulled me into his arms, causing many of the fangirls to have fantasies of a strong beautiful man doing the same thing. I didn't argue, in fact, I buried my face in his chest, "See what I had to deal with, un?"

"Indeed, how some women could find that personality attractive is beyond me." Tamaki teleported to his mushroom corner in an instant, muttering something about guys never understanding. I don't understand it either and I'm mentally a woman!

Behind his clipboard, Kyoya smirked at Tamaki, "Tamaki, it's also rude to flirt with a married woman." Leave it to the Host Club's shadow king to notice before Tamaki.

"Huh?" Tamaki shot his head in our direction, where we flashed our wedding bands at him. Instantly, his mood changed and he teleported right back to us, sparkles and all, "My apologies, your wife is so beautiful I thought she was a princess of this academy." Well… at least he's apologizing for the mistake.

Itachi rested his head on my shoulder, "Oh… she's a princess, all right…" I gave him a warning glance as he chuckled. Is he implying something…?

Despite the hidden joke my husband made, something came to my attention, "Has anyone here noticed the sparkles that float around?" Everyone looks to me in confusion, "Tamaki here sparkles when he flirts with people or tries to be charming, anyone else noticed that?"

Seriously, this is the most boring world ever. There is no magic, no chakra, no supernatural entities… nothing, it was just my world but anime. And yet… the sparkles…

Honey-senpai bounded over happily, little chibi flowers forming by his head, "Oh! That's because we use special effects to make them appear!" That doesn't answer ANYTHING! Even Madara looked like he was getting a headache from all of the special effects floating around everyone's heads. Nothing makes sense!

Out of interest, Haruhi approached us, "Um… I was wondering… you two look like characters in some magazines I've seen in the supermarket… are you cosplaying?" Oh sweet! Naruto, or at least some parody of it, was in the Ouran Highschool world! That honestly makes sense, minus the random shenanigans these teens get themselves stuck in, this was really just my old world but an anime.

Feeling that strong tugging sensation again, Madara shook his head and activated his sharingan in replace of his rinnegan then back, "No, we're the real thing." And just like that, we teleported out of that world.

 **4th world**

I didn't even bother looking around this time, I had to brace myself on Itachi's shoulder as I burst into laughter. I hid my face behind a fan as tears pricked the corner of my eyes and the Uchihas looked at me like I've gone crazy.

"D-did you ppffff… see their faces before we teleported, un?!" The entire club room had gone pale at Madara's declaration, and Kyoya even dropped his clipboard! I had to catch my breath after a moment, "Oh Kami… I swear, nothing could beat those expressions…"

"Hmmm… Tomoe, mind if I keep that one? I like her laugh." My back straightened up at the unfamiliar voice, and I couldn't help but notice how old fashioned the building we were in was, "You can kill the samurai guy and the scrawny one… oh, they're yokai too."

Holding back the unintelligent sound that was bound to escape my throat, I look to my right to see… Tomoe and Akura-ou from Kamisama Hajimemashita?

"Huh?" Well, that was enough to make the sound escape. My mind went into a frenzy to find anything rational in all of this. Why, out of any place to be teleported to… did we get sent to this particular anime? So far each world we've gone to has had some importance to me. Game of Thrones was my gateway into more adult shows, Kingdom Hearts was my favorite video game series, and Ouran High was my first ever shoujo manga. Kamisama was… not that special in all honesty besides the main male lead awakening my love for long white/silver hair.

Akura-ou prowled over to us like he owned the place, which he did, and slowly reached over to me with, "Now, why don't we play a bit, woman?" Danger, danger, not-so-hot guy is flirting.

Raising an eyebrow, I swung my leg back and made sure my sandaled foot connected with this demon's special place. The room went dead silent as it took a second for Akura-ou's brain to process what just happened to his manly bits before his eyes widened and he fell to the ground in pain. I may or may not have put extra chakra in my foot.

Cracking my neck then interlocking my fingers to stretch out my arms, I let out a pleased sigh, "Been wanting to do that for a while, un." Looking over my shoulder, Itachi had a rather amused expression on his face as he watched this supposed great demon writhing in pain. Madara seemed more focused on the kitsune boy approaching me- wait what?

"Seems like you're not her type dear friend," I was instantly whisked away and found myself being held in said kitsune's arms, one holding my waist and his other hand resting itself on my cheek, "I wonder if she would prefer me then. I've never seen this hair before, such an interesting color."

'Don't touch, don't touch, don't touch." My entire body froze up and my brain ceased to function. Tomoe has all of my weaknesses at this moment, he's tall, has beautiful eyes, and that hair… long silver locks that moved perfectly with him. I couldn't take my eye off it, and every time I looked elsewhere I either saw that cocky smile of his, his tail or his… fluffy… ears…

Tomoe's face soon morphed into one of interest when he noticed I was not looking directly at him, so he turned his head to the right and noticed my eye looked to the left. Head turns to the left, my eye goes right. This goes on for a few moments before he reached up to grasp my chin, mindful not to cut my jaw so I had to look at his face.

"My hair isn't the only thing you could be looking at, woman." Okay, he was way to close and I can't send a distress signal for my husband to get me out of this mess. Why are neither of them moving?! Oh… wait! I know! I need to make it clear that I was in distress!

"Meep."

Not even a second went by when a hand suddenly grabbed Tomoe's wrist that was holding my chin, and we both looked to see a rather livid Itachi. I've honestly never seen him this pissed off before, at least not in a long time, his face was even starting to turn a little red from the blood going into overdrive.

"I suggest, you release Deidara… before I have to resort to violence."

Naturally, since this was before Tomoe met Nanami or became more humble, the cocky yokai tilts his head upward in a menacing grin, "This your wife? How about I kill you and then have some fu-" He never got to finish that sentence… because Itachi punched his exposed chin… and sent him flying… I love Tomoe but the way he fell was too comical for me to feel pity.

Shrinking ever so slightly, I quickly attached myself to Itachi, "I didn't touch, that was all him, un."

Itachi rolled his eyes, "I know, you froze…" He took a long look at the currently pissed off kitsune, "Long hair." He nodded to himself like he was proud of the discovery of what made me freeze over Tomoe, "And ears as well."

"Okay Uchiha Sherlock-chan, you can cut with the sleuthing, you should know this by now, un." I facepalm as both yokai get back on their feet, "Seriously… Nanami falls for that one… good thing he behaves himself by the end, un." But just as they tried to attack, we were teleported again.

 **5th world**

We were now in a more grassy pasture-like area with clear blue skies and a few clouds floating around. Nice change of pace from all of the other environments.

Madara casually brushed himself off, "Alright, Deidara I'm keeping you away from any more men with long white hair. If that's all it takes for you to be weak-kneed, then I need to keep them far away from you." Killjoy.

Itachi rubbed the bridge of his nose, "I would suggest you turn back into a male, but you're enjoying yourself too much to have that happen. As long as you do not try to actively flirt I'll tolerate your… um…" The poor Uchiha became stiff as a board when I leaned on him, "Uh…"

Madara shook his head in disappointment, "Itachi, how are you so weak when Deidara turns into a woman? Are you not use to that body by this point?"

I let out a seductive chuckle and kissed Itachi's earlobe, "Well… I haven't been able to convince him to let us enjoy this form yet~." Giving my husband some pity, I released him and readjusting my kimono as Tomoe's manhandling messed up the obi, "Okay… grassy area… I don't see any people nearby… where are we-"

"Wark!"

"CHOCOBO!" Madara remained passive while Itachi verbally groaned as I bolted off in the direction of a Chocobo Farm. In the large farm, there were dozens of various sizes and colors of chocobo, happily trotting around like there wasn't a care in the world. The farmer who owned the property noticed us approaching.

"Howdy little lady and gents, what can I do for ya?" The older man moved his straw hat out of his line of sight as we stopped by the fences, "Interested in chocobos?"

"She is." Both Uchihas spoke at the same time and pointed at my form in unison.

Trying to contain my giddy grin, I cough into my hand, "Um… would it be okay if I rode one of your chocobos? I've always wanted to, but where we're from they're not native." I mean, I ride a clay one, but that's not the same as a real chocobo.

The farmer observed my clothes, "Ya sure you want to ride one in such fancy garments? I can lend you some proper clothes if you want?" I wave off the offer, I could easily change the clothes to fit something better for riding, "Suit yerself, pick a bird out then."

Rather delicately, have to keep up the look of a proper lady after all, I trot along and looked at the various birds. There wasn't a gold chocobo, but I caught sight of a black one giving me the evil eye as if daring me to come closer. Challenge accepted chicken wings, "That one, un."

The farmer broke into a nervous sweat, "Um, I don't think that's a good idea, ma'am. Ya see, I only know one fella that can tame that wild chocobo, and I beg your pardon… but you're not a fella." Oh if only I could break this jutsu without causing heart attacks.

"Give us a few minutes then, I have a… special way of making animals like me, un." I watched the man head into his barn to get a sattel while the Uchiha and I head over to the bird. Before anything, I did a hand seal and changed my outfit; the upper half of my kimono was still loose and off my shoulders, but now I sported black hakama pants with the red spider lilies. This way I could make sure the folds of the outfit would not fly open while riding. Walking over to the bird, the closer I got, the fluffier it became to try and look intimidating, "Please, like that will scare me."

"Wark!" The bird lowered its head and kicked the ground back as if preparing to charge. Before it could move though, I create a C2 dragon using the seals that were once in my pouches and are now in my sleeves. The poor thing began wilting in on itself. I smirked and proceed to reach out to pet it when a voice in the distance stopped me.

"Ah! Get away from that monster!" Heavy footsteps sped our way and all I could see after turning my head was Zack Fair jumping in the air. Based on his arms, he was preparing to decapitate the "monster" with his buster sword. This is bad, if the dragon gets damaged it'll explode!

In a flash of poofy hair, Madara zoomed past me and proceed to stop Zack's attack with his Gunbai… his Gunbai… Uchiha Madara just stopped a SOLDIER. A SOLDIER that so full of mako the only person stronger than him, was Sephiroth… and Madara stopped a sword with a wooden fan. Looking away from the weapons, I see Madara's knees bend slightly from the impact… this is still impressive.

"Dei, your dragon." Itachi nudges me slightly and I quickly unsummon the dragon, shoving the figure into my kimono sleeve for later.

Zack blinked a few times before leaping away from Madara and strapping the sword to his back, "Sorry about that, was that your summon?" He looks to me with a cheeky grin, "The names Zack Fair," He then looks at Madara, "and that was a nice block. Not many people can block my attacks without breaking something." Suddenly filled with energy, he proceeds to do squats, "You all got names?"

I clear my throat slightly, "I'm Deidara, the one next to me is my husband Itachi, and the one that blocked your attack is Madara. We're… um… travelers, un." The temptation to do squats with him was slowly emanating inside my brain, and I would have… had Itachi not kept a firm grip on my arm. But I gave him a quick kiss on the lips to release me, and soon I was joining in on the exercise.

"Huh… weird names, you all from Wutai?" There was a slight warning to his tone and I see his eyes flash green for a moment.

"No, not even close. We came here to see chocobos as they're not in our area. Ah, the sattel, un!" I stood straight up with a clap as the farmer placed the sattel on the still scared chocobo, momentarily confused that the bird didn't try to bite his face off. Walking to the bird, Itachi placed his hands on my waist, and picked me up to place me on the sattel, "Thank you, Itachi." As if realizing I was now at its mercy, the chocobo sped off wildly.

 **3rd person POV**

Zack looked at the blond gleefully riding the psycho bird as it tried everything in its power to buck the girl off, "Will she be okay? What if she falls and hurts herself?" These people were so weird, that chocobo was a fast one. Yet for people that supposedly don't live around them, they were oddly calm.

Itachi didn't even blink, "If Deidara falls off something that slow, I'll be surprised. They have a... unique ability to create creatures faster than that thing." These words surprised Zack greatly, faster than a chocobo? Who were these people? And why was he calling the blond a "why"? he thought that was the man's wife?

Turning his head to the left, he looked down at the poofier haired one of the trio and noticed he was tense, "You okay?"

"Who's the one with white hair walking towards us?" Zack's eyes followed this Madara fellow's finger and proceed to wave wildly.

"Hey! General! Check out some new friends I've made!"

 **Deidara's POV**

This bird keeps getting more and more frustrated with each attempt to buck me off. After a few minutes, it comes to a halt and pants, absolutely worn out. Taking pity on the creature, I let it slowly trot back to where the Uchihas and Zack were chatting… well, that is until I saw a fourth person with them.

My heart sped up, 'Don't freak out, don't freak out…' I inhale sharply through my nose to keep my fangirling bottled up inside. I could keep my calm around most guys, hell I can keep my cool around Itachi now. But… come on, it's Sephiroth!

Rolling my shoulders to regain my composure, I have the chocobo stop by them all, "That was fun." Reaching my arms out expectantly towards Itachi, my body froze up when someone did pick me up by my waist, but it wasn't Itachi, "U-um… uh… hello…?" I have never heard my Jessica Rabbit voice sound so meek.

"That's not really proper attire for riding chocobos, let alone wild ones with a reputation." I stared up to see Sephiroth's green cat eyes looking down at me in amusement, "1st Class SOLDIER Sephiroth, a pleasure to meet you all and my apologize for anything stupid Zack may have said."

"Hey! I wasn't saying anything stupid!" Zack crossed his burly arms together as he turned his nose in the air with a pout, causing me to let out an involuntary giggle. Okay, I need to distract myself from Sephiroth, he's too pretty for his own good, "You're just giggling because Seph here is making you flustered."

I feel the blood rush up to my face as I hear Madara resume his chuckling in the background, Sephiroth seemed to be containing his mirth out of politeness. Looking over at Itachi and… goddamnit, his eyes are sparkling with internal laughter, good to know he doesn't mind my weakness.

Coughing into my hand, I take a step away from Sephiroth so I wasn't being towered by the taller man, and tucked my arms under my chest, "You wouldn't happen to be Lucrecia Crescent's boy, right? You look so much like her, and you look to be the right age to when she was pregnant. I met her once when I was younger, you see." The lie spilled out like a overturned cup, in reality I only know about his past because I read his wiki page.

There was a pause, Sephiroth blinked several times at the sudden change of topic, "You are mistaken, my mother's name is Jenova…"

I place a hand on my cheek and tilt my head in fake confusion, "Jenova? Hmmm… Doesn't ring a bell... I remember overhearing this one weird doctor guy talking about a project called Jenova, but that's about it. No, you're definitely Lucrecia's son. Jenova sounds like this alien creature that Shina has locked away."

Zack raises a hand, "Hang on, how do you know so much?" He raised a dark eyebrow in puzzlement, "You're making bold claims."

Itachi raised his own hand to join the discussion, "Trust me… my wife learns things in ways that would surprise all of you. You can choose to ignore them or not, but right now she doesn't have the ability to lie."

Sephiroth's eyes flashed a glowing green, causing Itachi to activate his sharingan in reaction, "Interesting eyes… how do you know she's not lying?"

Itachi sighs… and then pushes me towards the silver-haired general, "Because her brain works on autopilot when nervous." He's not wrong, almost instantly I began shrinking under Seph's gaze, both out of intimidation and the fact that I'm back to being close to him… wow, he really does produce an inhuman amount of body heat.

 **3rd person POV**

The moment the blond bomber nearly collided with Sephiroth's chest, "she" froze in place. But then nature took over to add more to the scene. Sunlight poured through some clouds, causing Sephiroth's hair to shine like spun silver. Almost at an instant, the only visible blue eye of Deidara dulled into a glaze as "her" attention focused purely on the man's long, flowing locks.

Watching this scene play out, Itachi subconsciously pulled his hair over his shoulder to look at it. Deidara... liked his hair, right? The Uchiha would often find himself with his husband lovingly brushing and braiding his hair… No doubt Deidara loved him and him alone, that's not even up for debate… but the blond's faith in hair is questionable.

Zack held back a whistle, 'Wow… usually, when a girl meets Seph, they fawn over his title and muscles. Wait until I tell Tsung about the first girl to fall for him based on his hair.'

 **Deidara's POV**

"Itachi, I don't approve of you shoving Deidara nearly into the arms of strangers." Reaching out, Madara yanked me back and away from Sephiroth, "Especially ones that are not normal."

I slowly shook my head, remembering where I was… what just happened? Everything got all shiny all of the sudden… why is Itachi looking at me like I ate the last dango while holding the end of his ponytail?

Sephiroth arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow- goddamn those eyebrows, "Oh, you noticed?"

Madara glared at the taller, long-haired man, "Naturally. The beefy puppy," He ignores Zack shout of protest, "hit me harder than some of the greatest swordsmen from our homeland. And you… no one should have eyes like that, especially with Deidara talking about some alien. We've had enough with that already."

I roll my eyes, "Madara-sama, Kaguya is different from Jenova. And the only reason why he has those eyes is because of the mako and because of Hojo putting Jenova's cells in his body." I paused before smacking my hands over my mouth. Shit, I didn't mean to say that out loud!

My eye widened as I heard the iconic ring coming from Sephiroth's Masamune before we were tugged from that world and into hopefully, the last one… maybe?

 **Final world**

Momentarily dizzy from the transfer, I lean against Itachi to steady myself, "Damnit, I didn't mean to say all of that out loud!" I ignored the shrieks and chaotic shouting surrounding us, slowly getting a headache from it though.

"You are the one that wanted to try and tell others about things. My guess is that he'll go insane because of this Jenova person?" Madara inquired and watched as I bowed my head with a groan, "Thought so."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. Where are we anywa-"

" _Hem hem."_

Must… kill…

We're in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, it must be dinner time based on how dark it was on the ceiling. Students were looking at us with a mixture of excitement and fear… mostly fear, Uchiha's are intimidating; teachers were pointing their wands at us and the one that was approaching us was… ugh…

There was no need for an introduction, it was just… ugh…

" _Would you three mind telling me, how you were able to apparate, inside of Hogwarts?"_ Umbridge straightened herself up… as straight as her short-ass could get, " _You are violating the laws of this school, and as Headmistress, I demand you explain yourself. Or there will be consequences."_

Itachi looked at me, his face holding back every piece of emotion he could muster and hiding it in the back of his mind, "Dei… who is this wo-"

" _Excuse me, do you three understand what I am saying? Or is this some muggle language?"_ Kami forbid I want to kill this woman.

Behind me, I feel Harry Potter raise his hand, " _That's Japanese, a language in the country of… well… Japan, obviously."_ Oh good, this is book Harry Potter. A quick glance into those emerald green eyes confirmed that, though Snape still looks like Alan Rickman… I'm not complaining.

" _Another weeks detention, Mr. Potter."_ Umbridge returned her attention to us and I slowly felt my arms pull my kimono back over my shoulders. Her gaze makes me feel like a frog that's about to be dissected then eaten while still alive. I also slowly began inching to hide behind Madara, who instantly noticed my discomfort and flared his chakra in warning. The sudden pressure made everyone either flinch or straighten up.

After taking a moment to breath, I clear my voice and smoothly took a step forward and tried to keep a polite tone, " _Please do not punish a student for being correct, we are indeed speaking Japanese. As for our apparating… Japan has unique magic."_

She smiled. Ugh, her smile… I haven't eaten all day but even then I could feel something wanting to push itself out of my throat… The moment she realized I could understand what she was saying, that or because of the quality of clothes I was wearing indicated wealth, she was in instant polite mode.

And some motherfucker here is pushing into my min- oh it's Snape. Nevermind he can snoop. I purposefully push him in the direction of the Deathly Hallows movies, making neon bright signs appear and pointing to those memories much to his confusion, ' _That's it, go there- NO DON'T GO INTO THE FANFICTIONS!_ ' I've never read anything bad involving Snape, only the cute ones where he adopts Harry- nevermind. I did read that one Inuyasha crossover out of curiosity… why am I remembering this? ...Shit, ' _FUCK! DON'T LOOK AT THAT! That's it… go to the Deathly Hallows- HEY! THAT IS PRIVATE MISTER!_ '

Growling at Snape began snooping into my memories with Itachi, I mentally picked him up by the back of his robes and threw him in the Deathly Hallows. In the real world, Snape became pale at how quick I was able to manipulate my mind, while Umbitch here mistook my growl to be a threatening manner.

Umbitch pulled out her want, raising her head up slightly in a snooty manner, " _By the law of the Ministry of Magic, all foreigners must report their appearance by letter and we have received no letters from Japan. State your business or I will have you all thrown in Azkaban."_ Wow, that escalated quickly.

I give her a challenging smirk. Casually strolling over to the Gryffindor table and ignoring Ron's glare, I grab a biscuit while tossing green apples to the Uchihas*. After taking a graceful bite and not dropping a single crumb, I snuck my free hand into my kimono sleeve, " _I sincerely hope you provide adequate therapy sessions for the dementors and diet regimes. The three of us combined would make them all gain an unhealthy amount of weight… considering I…"_ Easily finishing the treat, I tucked my hand under my hair, and threw it off my shoulder, " _killed someone, destroying their body… piece… by… piece… If Voldemort was here… he'd offer me a position of Death Eater."_ The fact I had such a low, feminine voice made the room fall into a state of cold fear. I also noticed that many students screamed, fainted or flinched at me saying Voldemort… the temptation to say Voldemort's name 10 times fast was there in an instant.

Umbitch's face turned a lovely shade of red that did not compliment her barfy pink froufrou, " _.lies. If you were one of the students of Hogwarts… I would give you detention for saying something like that!"_ Oh? Give ME, detention? Please, she wouldn't even be able to keep me in that room for 5 seconds.

" _So you could carve 'I must not tell lies' into my hand? Makes me wonder… what if I was a dark witch, hmm?"_ Umbitch turned pale at that question, " _I mean, I would only kill those who deserve it. Now… what was it that you said on your first day of Defence Against the Dark Arts? 'Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident'?"_

Students began whispering to each other, mostly the 5th year Gryffindors and Slytherins that had that class. I could feel Harry's back straighten up at my words. It also helped that I said the exact same words that were currently on his own hand.

" _What was that spell that was used to kill Cedric? Abra Kadabra?"_ I see teachers break into a cold sweat, " _No… ah yes. AVADA KEDAVRA!"_ Hearts stopped as they expected me to pull out a wand, and for a green light to flash in the room.

Nope, all they got was Umbitch falling to the ground dead with a kunai embedded in her face.

Teachers got up and thought about casting spells but either for fearing for their own lives or pleased that the toad was dead, they sat back down. Many of them quickly realized that I had no intention of harming the students, but kept their guards up in order to jump when needed. McGonagall looked like a cat who just enjoyed a fresh bowl of cream.

"Was the shouting needed Deidara?" Madara looked down at me, mildly disturbed by the pleased expression embedded on my face, "I guess so…"

"Ahh… that's one more thing off my bucket list, un." I wave to the frightened students as a sharp CRACK from house elf magic made Umbitch's body vanish, " _Don't worry, I'm not here to harm a bunch of kids. We'll be out of your hair in a moment, feel free to testify that a blond shinobi killed your headmistress and offer your memories as evidence!"_ All I got was a handful of students nodding their heads, mostly out of fear.

Madara slowly walked towards me and motioned to the kunai that was left behind, "Do you want that back?"

"There is no way in hell I want a kunai tainted with that thing's existence, un." Shivering violently in disgust, I return to Itachi and place a kiss on his lips, pleased with my work. Itachi quietly hummed in approval, his frequent viewings of my memories made him have a dislike for the toad-like woman as well.

I poke my head over his shoulder to look at all of the terrified and awe-filled teens, "Hmm… _HEY POTTER!_ " Harry slowly stood up with Hermione and Ron by his sides, though the Weasley was glaring at me pathetically, " _It's kinda creepy to be attracted to someone that looks like your mom!"_

The tugging sensation return and I not only booted Snape out from my mind, but I also decided to give my house a bit of a cheer, " _Go Slytherins!"_

 **Real world**

I blinked once, and suddenly we were back in the Naruto world. As if we never moved from our original spot, my chibis were preparing to seal Kaguya once and for all… oh hey, Obito's alive. Sweet! I still need to punch him for kidnapping me!

* * *

 **Disclaimer for the other franchises (in order of appearance): I do not own Game of Thrones, Kingdom Hearts, Ouran High School Host Club, Kamisama Hajimemashita/Kiss, Final Fantasy VII, or Harry Potter.**

 **While some may not like this chapter… I really don't care, I had fun writing this little passion project. I love it, my beta loves it, and I never had intentions of doing the Kaguya fight anyway. Hence why I kept telling you all to not have high expectations for it because I treat it like crack. My story reason why this happened is simply that… Kaguya's jutsu glitched. That's all. No need for a big explanation.**

 **Poor Dei and meeting all of his favorite franchises from his past life, many having beautiful men with beautiful hair. Please note, the bit where Itachi was questioning Deidara's faith in hair was the result of two hyper college girls typing late at night and having WAY too much fun… actually, most of this was written whenever I was super tired or on a sugar rush.**

 **Also killing Umbridge was, not kidding, the second thing I wrote in this chapter before everything else. My beta and I spent a good… 2 hours debating on a 6th world and we agreed on Kamisama Kiss.**

 ***** Any Harry Potter fans remember Draco always eating green apples in the movies? Or do some of you perhaps remember… Drapple? XD

 **Well, next chapter wraps up the ending bit of Naruto then jumps straight into the time skipping to prepare for the epilogue. Meaning, next chapter will mostly focus on Deidara being a parent for his lovely twins as they grow up and interact with their parents and in time, their cousins. Naruto and Hinata's wedding, along with their children's births will happen in a separate chapter. I wanted to focus on Minami and Shisui. The time skipping will work like all of my previous time skip chapters, so random events in a set timeline.**

 **Special announcement!: Finals are next week for my beta, so the fic will not be updated next Saturday. I don't have finals, but I have a butt-ton of projects to finish. I will resume updates the following week. Any questions you really want answered, do feel free to PM me and I will respond within the day (or within 5 minutes as some of you have learned).**

 **As always, reviews are loved. I hope you guys liked at least parts of this chapter or got you interested in checking out some of the franchises. I will see you all in 2 weeks.**

 **Bye!**


	52. Childhood

**Finals are over! Summer break is now here! Woohoo! Welcome to the second to last chapter of this fic, it's going to wrap up the events just after Kaguya's sealing and then jump into my typical time skips to show Minami and Shisui's childhood.**

 **Thank you guys for the fave, follows and reviews, we're almost to the end.**

 **Corundrom: Sure, some guys may get attracted to girls who look or act similar to their mom. But there is the issue that Ginny looks almost EXACTLY like Lily and that's not okay. That's borderline Oedipus Complex. Not to mention no girl would be okay with the idea that they look like their husband's mom and thus, will always be silently compared to her. It doesn't help that in the movies, Ginny and Harry have the chemistry equivalent to oil being poured on water.**

 **VenaHope: I know! I love Kamisama Kiss, I just really need to watch the actual anime. ^^"**

 **Ringo1327: I considered YuGiOh, but there wasn't much I could do unless I had them go to season 5 and I already had a sandy environment...Also, I am totally going to steal that idea in your other review, expect a side story in the final chapter!**

 **Seablue eyes 9311: Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it. 90% of my brain didn't care if anyone hated this chapter but the 10% of my mind was naturally nervous about it.**

 **Outerjay: Yep, but the SI was confused at that time because it naturally happened. Also thanks for sticking it till the end! I personally love long fanfic (cause I read too fast). :)**

 **Naliyu: Thank you for enjoying the ride, please exit to your left in an orderly fashion. :P jk jk I had to.**

 **Supu Fumi Heren: I knew as soon as I wanted to make this chapter that I had to kill Umbridge. The fact she was alive in the final book made me PISSED at Rowling, so I fixed it. :)**

 **TheSuperMario: Kishimoto wrote himself into a corner the moment he killed off characters that could be a threat to Madara, like Itachi. So yeah, Kaguya was a lazy addition. Sadly there will not be any one shots regarding the changes, I don't have the time to alter them. Just gonna leave it to all of your imaginations.**

 **Guest: Everyone hates Umbridge, hands down. I don't know anyone who likes her.**

 **setokayba2n: I gave Snape all the spoilers, if Harry got any of them Voldy would enter his mind and screw everything up. Itachi definitely knows about Umbridge, he knows about the majority of these worlds thanks to Deidara's memories.**

 **hartman227: I will not continue into Boruto. The fic ends in Boruto, but that's about it. I didn't want to make myself watch the anime or read the manga just to add it here.**

 **Lavender Queen: I can't pick a favorite XD**

 **midnight-flurry: It's fine if you don't like GoT. I was expecting everyone to have a world they enjoyed and then one or two of them were not their cup of tea. Just glad that you enjoyed the majority of the chapter!**

 **Guest: Knife… Knife… Knife… it's fun. :P**

 **Pr1nc3ss K3nny: Try writing this with a straight face, or reading it out loud. My beta and I were dying half of the time. XD**

 **Warning: Language, some violence, kids being kids, references to Boruto.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and… damnit I have to add Boruto into this now. Thank GOD I do not own Boruto.**

* * *

I kept zoning in and out as Sasuke and Naruto sealed Kaguya into the moon with Black Zetsu. The back of my mind kept saying I should use this chance to kill her… but it was more satisfying watching her get turned into the object she was thought to represent. Realizing that I still looked like a woman, I quickly undid the jutsu before anyone saw, and just in time to see Obito slowly approach me with Kakashi.

"Deidara, I um… I…" I slowly crossed my arms as Obito fidgeted under my gaze, "I'm sorry for um… you see…" I raise an eyebrow, "Look if you want to punch me then go ahead, I deserve it for all the hell I've caused and then some."

No need to tell me twice!

Without hesitation, I clenched up my fist and drove it at Obito's stomach, knocking the already exhausted man to the ground. My entire body shivered as it felt like I just punched lead, but I swallowed the pain and replaced it with satisfaction. Itachi slowly pulled me into a half hug so Obito could lay on the ground, too tired to get up or comment. Kakashi let out a sigh before helping his friend on his feet.

"How did Obito live this time around, un?"

Kakashi sighed, "Well, it helped that Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were supposedly stronger than last time. At one point Sakura began shooting out pillars of stone to juggle Kaguya around while the boys prepared a combo attack." Aw man, and I missed that? Oh well, at least I got to kill Umbridge, "What happened to you three?"

Itachi cut in, "I'd rather not say. Kaguya's jutsu glitched." And he left it at that, despite the two men in front of us giving us weird looks.

Looking past them, I removed myself from Itachi's hold and went to Hashirama and Tobirama, "I'm going to release the edo tensei on you two, is that alright?"

The brothers exchanged glances, before Hashirama ruffled my hair, "Sure. I'd like to be able to see Mito again. But uh…" He leaned to the side to look at Madara, "But Madara…"

"Madara-sama is alive, so he will not be released with the edo tensei… besides… my kids like having him around… and so do I… it's nice having someone I can look up to, un." Doing the needed hand signs, I let out a soft sigh, "Release…"

Bright lights enveloped Hashirama and Tobirama, somewhere in the jutsu I feel my connection with Izuna being cut as well. Hashirama yelled out to Madara, "Let's have drinks the next time we see each other!" And the two were soon gone.

Not too far from us, Kushina and Minato were also glowing from Orochimaru breaking his jutsu. Noticing this, the two held Naruto close in their arms, Kushina crying into his shoulder.

"Hey you two… don't worry about me, I have great friends and a bunch of siblings to keep an eye on me… I'm proud to be your son. Thank you for being my parents, dattebayo."

Minato slowly let go of his son, a sad but proud smile resting on his face as he held his sobbing wife, "You'll make a great Hokage one day… and…" With perfect timing, the sun began to rise into the sky, "Happy Birthday, Naruto." The two vanished along with Hiruzen.

I slowly made my way over to Naruto, pulling him into a tight hug, "Happy Birthday baby…"

 _1 year old_

Taking a damp washcloth I carefully wiped Minami's face clean after feeding her the mush. I refuse to buy baby food, so I make it myself. For lunch today, it's mixed berries with some healthy greens, and thankfully it actually tastes good.

"Dada!" Minami pointed at me, laughing with glee. Ah yes, she's in a phase where everything is "dada" now. Last week she insisted her shadow was dada and earlier today Naruto received the title. I have to admit, it's rather adorable how she says it with such earnesty.

"No Minami, I'm mama. Can you say 'mama', un?" Crap.

"Mamaun!" I facepalmed as Minami let out another series of giggles. I need to hold back those grunts whenever I ask them to say something.

Shuffling on my knees I turn to face Shisui as he patiently waited for his food. He's such a weird baby, throws a fit if I don't tend to Minami first. I stopped questioning this after he kept it up at 9 months old and now I make sure to allow him to watch me feed his sister so I don't get a mouthful of mush splattered on my hair and clothes.

"Happy little one? Say 'ahhhh', un." I let out a sigh when instead of opening his mouth, he mimicked my grunt, "No 'aaaahhhh'." After a moment of giggling, he cooperated enough to get a few mouthfuls, before stopping and staring at the kitchen entrance as someone walked in, "Hmmm? Something the matter?" I don't even need to look over my shoulder to acknowledge the person.

"I'm proposing to Sakura this spring, I know we're both teenagers but I want to make the commitment to her and would like your blessing to do so, Deidara." Sasuke patiently stood there while I continued feeding Shisui. The two have been dating for a little under six months now, but it didn't take glasses to see the love they had for each other was genuine.

Just as he began to feel nervous about my answer, I fed Shisui another spoonful before turning my head towards the now fidgeting Uchiha, "If you wanna be cliche about it, make sure the cherry blossoms are falling, Duck-kun. I- SHISUI!" Snapping my head back to my son, purple gunk stuck to my hair, Shisui was cackling like a madman in his booster seat, "What the hell hit your funny bone, un?" A wince escaped me as the food rolled off my hair and landed on the ground with a soft plop. Lovely, I hope the berries didn't stain my hair...

That only seemed to set him off even more as the laughter increased in intensity, hugging his sides. Minami seemed to have found his brother's laughter to be hilarious so she joined in. At the same time, the twins were going into hysteric, Madara walked into the room to make sure everyone was still alive. That or he wanted front row seats of watching me slowly lose control of the situation.

Sasuke was just as confused, "Did he laugh because you called me 'Duck-kun'?"

"Duck!"

Oh hell no…

"Duck! Duck!"

A low growl escaped me as I slowly turned to Sasuke, "You're his first real word…" Sure they've said mama and dada before, but they're at that age where I'm expecting real words to form. Shooting to my feet, Sasuke let out a low curse before running outside. I quickly grabbed my clay pouch, giving chase to my brother and leaving the twins under Madara's care.

 **3rd person POV**

Madara looked in the direction where the two young adults ran off with a sigh. Of course, Shisui's first words would set off Deidara's rage. Casually, he picked up the panting infant as the laughter worn him out, and with his other arm he scooped up Minami. With a fond smile towards the two pairs of curious eyes, Madara adjusted the kids so he could easily carry them both and grimaced at the food on Shisui's face, "I propose you two have baths so your mother can come home to clean infants."

But Minami seemed to be focused on something besides her twin's dirty face. Innocently pointing a chubby finger at Madara, she finally chirped, "Dada?"

The older Uchiha flinched, half expecting someone to appear behind him like some spirit, "No child, I am Madara. Your 'dada' is Itachi."

"Dada!"

"I understand that we Uchiha men, especially the more handsome ones, all look similar, but I am not your father."

"Dada! Dada!"

"I'm 'dada' Minami." Madara tensed up with a pair of pale arms took Minami from his grip, and Itachi gently bounced the child in his arms, "I saw Deidara chasing Sasuke and put two and two together. Let's keep this a secret from him for now." Nuzzling his nose against Minami's, Itachi took her to one of the bathrooms to clean her up for her afternoon nap, but Madara could have sworn he heard Itachi mumble "Why am I the only one you don't call dada?"

With a relieved sigh, Madara gave a half-hearted glare to Shisui, "Something tells me you planned all of this. I must say… I'm impressed." Madara could have sworn the grin on Shisui's face was one of evil intention. Oh, he cannot wait to start training this mischievous Uchiha.

"Duck!"

 _3 years old_

 **Deidara's POV**

Why is everyone pregnant?

Here I was in a large rented building near the Hokage's tower, ANBU at every door… having a massive baby shower with almost every woman here pregnant or a mother already. Mei, Kurenai and I helped the girls all organize this shower since the past two years have been nothing but weddings and celebrations. I guess the trauma behind the war was finally starting to heal and all of the chibis were ready to start families.

Looking over to the play area, Minami and Shisui were playing with the other toddlers. Kurenai's daughter Mirai and Minami had hit it off almost instantly when they were infants, and almost always played with each other whenever a playdate was scheduled… Shisui… really hates Mei's son. Tatsuo -obviously named by Zabuza- was a rather sweet boy, dark orange hair like his mother, and her lovely face, but everything else screamed Zabuza, sharp teeth, and greying skin. He's apparently a quiet boy, preferring to hide behind Mei's skirt, but the moment he laid eyes on Minami he became twitterpated… much to the dismay of Shisui.

Shisui gave Tatsuo a light shove to keep him away from Minami, "My Nami! No share!" He tried to look intimidating by puffing out his cheek, but the ginger merely grinned and proceed to join Minami and Mirai's tea party, with actual tea.

"Dun dun dada~ dun dun dada~" I nearly snorted my tea as Mei randomly began singing Here Comes the Bride while looking at the toddlers. All of our attention focused on the kids and when Shisui realized what Mei was singing, all he could do was stare at us with a look of pure betrayal. The poor kid has been to enough weddings to know the tune by heart by now. Everyone but Hinata proceed to almost die of laughter at the sight, Shisui quickly buried his face in said Hyuuga's ever-growing stomach, hoping for her to take his side.

Karin wiped away a tear as she regained her composure, "Come on Shisui-kun, it's all fun and games. You have plenty of time to find Minami a better boyfriend."

There was a muffled, "No boyfriend!" from the little blob of black that was seemingly trying to hide in itself. Hinata reached down to pet his hair, gently stroking the soft locks while also rubbing the top of her stomach.

Mei hummed in approval at the adorable sight before taking a sip of her cocktail, no alcohol for the soon-to-be mothers of course, "Yamanaka-chan?" Ino straightened up as the Mizukage addressed her, "Who helped you father a child for you and Uzumaki-chan?"

Ino slowly looked up to Karin, who nodded in approval, "Um… does anyone know Sai?" I raise my hand almost instantly, "Of course you do, you work with him. Well… we had hired him to do our wedding portrait since Sasuke was out of the village at the time and… the three of us talked for a bit. Eventually, it came to the subject of children and we mentioned that we were going to find a sperm donor and… he volunteered."

I raised an eyebrow, "That easily? No catch?"

Karin threw her arms in the air, "That was the weird thing, he just said that he felt like doing it! We asked him if there was a catch, if he wanted money or if it was just so he could bed Ino…" She yanked a hand through her hair, causing Ino to stand up and fix it, "But no! He just gave us that weird smile of his and said that he would go to Tsunade-sama and allow the professionals to handle it. He didn't even mind if the kid never knew he was the father!" Honestly, I could imagine Sai doing something like that. I've been working with him for the past few years now, he's more interested in seeing others live happily.

Ino chuckled, "Of course, if he suddenly wants to meet the child, or the child wants to meet him we won't argue. I might even ask Sai to train the kid, his techniques would be interesting to have with the Yamanaka bloodline."

Sakura blinked a few times and gave a stretch, she was obviously the one due first, "Never understood that guy, but I'm glad you were able to have a child… oh yeah, Deidara-sensei? Where are Temari and that girl Choji married?"

I shrug slightly, "Temari is in Sunagakure and… Kami I forgot her name, wasn't interested in joining. Guess she's a little shy about this whole thing, un."

Seemingly remembering that her brother wasn't playing, Minami pushed herself up and toddled to Hinata and Shisui, "Shiiiii! Shi!" She grabbed Shisui's hand and gave it a tug, but the pouting 3 years old proceed to try and hide more.

Sakura quickly noticed the nickname, "Deidara-sensei, you might want to fix Minami-chan's nickname for Shisui-kun…" She had a point, the last thing I need is for Minami to always call Shisui either death or four.

"Right… Minami, come here baby, un." I pat my knee and I soon had two beautiful blue eyes leaning against my leg in awe, "Can you say 'Shisui'?" Oh dear… even I struggle with saying that name sometimes, forget a 3-year-old saying it.

Minami looked as if her world was about to crumble right then and there, "Sh… Shi… Sh-Shi-Shya…" It's getting worse, "Shya… Su...Su… Sui…" Getting warmer, "Su… Sushi!"

… That works.

I made a noise in the back of my throat in amusement, "That works for now… Come on Shisui, it's cute, un." Chuckling as Shisui gave his sister a dirty look.

Pleased with herself, Minami bound over to Shisui and grabbed his hand, "Sushi, let's play!" Her infectious smile that I swear she learned from Naruto melted Shisui's glare almost instantly. Giving his sister's hand a gentle squeeze, most likely a sign that he'll tolerate the nickname for the time being. Naturally, we all started cooing at the adorable sight, the other toddlers were not sure if they should mimic us or giggle, opting for a mixture of both.

Leaning back into my seat with a relaxed sigh, I decided to drop the question that has always bothered me about the next generation, "Could someone please enlighten me as to why everyone decided to get married and pregnant in a short amount of time, un?"

 _4 years old_

Parenting. It was something growing up that I knew I had to deal with eventually, and I had the chance to take that role up. I could handle a wet soap bar like Naruto, and the emotionally deprived like Sasuke and Kimimaro. Boys should be easy at this point, right?

"SHISUI! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! You need to be in the tub and in your pjs in 15 minutes, un!" Apparently not. Considering I'm chasing my butt naked son around the house as he randomly decided to go for a run before bathtime. Honestly, he's four! Where did all of this energy come from?! I don't give them sugar!

"Never! My ass deserves to be free!" Shisui decides to throw his arms in the air with a "WOOP!" while making a sharp left. Kami forbid this child from eating his father's dango.

"No swearing! Only mom can swear! Your ass is asking to be beaten at this rate, un!" Sadly, this was the child of two shinobi and managed to throw paper down the hall, making me slip and land on my face. Parenting… it's fun.

"Mommy, why is Sushi naked again?" Minami looks down at my miserable form blankly, not sure what to do with my predicament. Thankfully, she's been well behaved and decided to wait in the bathroom still dressed, while her brother decided to go streaking.

"I have no idea, must be a boy phase that usually should skip Uchihas- wait, again?" Did Itachi ever have any issues with Sasuke when they were young? Or did I happen to get the kid that was a mixture of Naruto, Shisui, and Obito wrapped in a package of Tobi happy? … Oh dear, someone please remove that image from my head.

I feel Minami pat my head in sympathy, "Sushi doesn't like to get dressed when at uncle Naru's place...Daddy's home." Oh joy! I promised Itachi that I would have them washed and ready for bed by the time he got home! I'm a failure as a mother.

"Dei… why did Shisui run up to me naked, demanding I bathe with everyone?" I look up from the papered mess to see Itachi, holding our son who was latched onto him grinning. Little brat seemed perfectly content with his position.

"Daddy's always gone! So we need family time!" I sigh at Shisui's proclamation with a smile, I can never stay mad. Itachi is usually busy with Hokage work, so it would make sense for Shisui to be sneaky and waste time, "Can we? And can we sleep together? Please?"

I push myself up, mindful of the papers and scoop up Minami, "I don't see why not now that your father's home. What do you say Itachi, un?" Tilting my head innocently, I bat my long eyelashes at my husband.

Itachi gives me a smile before planting a kiss on my lips, "It sounds nice." Adjusting Shisui in his arms, we head to the bathroom where the water was thankfully still warm, "Sasuke was like this as a child, except he just hated baths." This caused him to chuckle to himself as he rinsed our son then set him in the water and got undressed.

I allow Minami to do her own thing as I also got into the water after rinsing, "Try bathing Naruto. Ugh, took me 10 minutes just to convince him that soap wouldn't melt his face off." Sadly that made our little girl freeze on the spot, water smacking her face from the shower faucet.

"Melt…?" Oh shit! Need to watch what I say around small children! Minami may be the calmest of the two at the moment, but she's also the one that gets easily spooked, "I- I'm going to melt, mommy?" Were those tears or shower water?!

Reaching over and nearly falling on my face, I turn off the water, "Nonononono baby. Soap is good unless given to you by Danna, un!" The toddler standing on the step to enter the bath stared at me for a long time, before brightening up and nodding. With a sigh, I help her into the waters and relaxed myself… until Shisui splashed me with water, "I swear, you're just the original Shisui reborn as our child, un."

There was a noticeable pause in his movements before he proceeds to act like a butt again and try to dunk his sister in the water. Itachi and I shared glances, then shrugged, not minding the idea. If it really was Shisui, then he's just letting himself be a kid again. But it begs to question if he remembers everything...

Seemingly tired of her twin's antics, Minami was the first one to exit the tub and left to get dressed. She's only 4 yet so independent… I guess that's what happens when you're the only physical girl in a household. I should arrange a day for her to be with all her aunts… she'd like that. Hinata and Sakura spoil her.

I left not long after, letting the dark-eyed duo leave last as I help Minami in her seal onesie. I watched as she flapped her flippers everywhere, making bark noises. It was adorable… considering she sounded like a baby harp seal, so it was more "mweeehhhhppppp bweeeehhh" than "arf!".

I smirked with amusement as Itachi wrestled Shisui into his tanuki pajamas, ending the whole thing in a tickle war. Rolling my eye, I set out a few futons so we all had room to sleep. Shisui made a nosedive into the warm blankets, dragging his sister with him. Itachi and I exchanged amused smiles as we sandwiched the kids after turning off the lights.

"Goodnight babies…" I yawn and hug Shisui to my chest while Itachi held Minami. That was the odd thing. It's obvious I'm Minami's favorite while Itachi is Shisui's, yet in bed, they insist on cuddling the other parent. Oh well, as long as I knew our kids didn't hate us I didn't mind. It remained quiet for a while until a certain someone decided to pop a question.

"So why does Nami not have the same peepee like us?" I could feel his joker grin forming, this damn kid knows more than he lets on.

I groaned and smothered my face in my son's short hair, "Ask me again when you're ten. That's when I told all of your uncles, un."

"Okay… so why am I not allowed to run around naked again?"

"Goodnight Sushi!" Minami decided to come to her mother's aid by smacking her brother on the mouth, "It's because your butt smells." I'm too tired to correct her for the hit.

"Does not! Your butt smells!"

"No, because I wash mine!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do!"

Yep… parenting.

 _End of 4th year_

"Mommy…"

What is poking me?

"Mommy, your sleeping on the table… that's bad for you."

Oh, that's my daughter.

With a tired groan, I look over to see the worried expression of Minami. My dead face reflecting in her ocean blue pools, "Mommy's just really tired baby…" For some reason, EVERYONE decided to get pregnant within a short amount of time. Just like with the Boruto anime, it's as unrealistic and dumb as the last time. Only this time around, I'm participating in half of these births and helping everyone be parents. I swear the only parents not struggling are Ino and Karin, but they also have Ino's mom to help them out. I still don't understand why Sakura and Sasuke insist on my help.

Minami stared up at me with wide eyes, not use to my expression, "SUSHI! MOMMY'S DYING!" I winced when she rammed her face into the wall in her sprint, before bolting out of the kitchen to find her brother.

Moments later, Shisui stuck his head into the kitchen and stared at me, "He's not dying Nami. He's sleepy from all of our cousins being born and then running around to help our aunts and uncles." I could hear Minami make a long-winded sound of understanding. Having two hyper shinobi children also wears me out.

Just as I reached for my caffeine boosted tea, the house phone rang. Like a good son, Shisui answered it, "Uchiha… uh huh… okay, I'll tell him… love you too Uncle Kimi. Bye." He hung up the phone with a click, "Mommy, Uncle Kimi and Uncle Neji's sur… surro… baby holder is giving birth. They want you there."

"Mother fu-" To stop myself from swearing, I slammed my face back onto the table, "I'll send a clone to fetch Madara-sama… I expect you two to mind him like you've always done, un." I thank every Kami possible that next year will have fewer births. With the ultimate levels of reluctance, I get up from my seat and prepare to meet my brother at the hospital. The two had used my method of surrogacy, so I can only imagine what the kid looks like.

It's a boy… with white hair and white Hyuga eyes. Well, I know who's going to be the pretty boy in class.

 _6 years old_

 **3rd person POV**

Minami looked up at Konoha's shinobi academy with excitement. They could finally become shinobi like their parents! She was practically bouncing with excitement!

"Nami… you need to stop jumping." Oh, she was wasn't she? Shisui rolled his eyes playfully as she settled down, "Our sensei is Iruka, he taught most of our aunts and uncles. Let's give him a proper year."

Minami placed a finger on her cheek, "So… Daddy's type of greeting… or mommy's?" The evil grin growing on her brother's face didn't need an explanation, "This will be fun! Don't worry, I promise not to use your nickname in class, not until we es… tablish our dom… in… ance!"

Shisui let out an amused sigh, "Kaa-san taught you that?" He chuckled when Minami rapidly nodded, "Alright, alright. Let's go."

Once they entered the classroom, many children were already grouping up. The twins scanned the area, hoping for empty seats. All of their friends were mostly from other villages, their mother didn't like to associate himself with most parents from Konoha. Something about not liking the looks they gave him. Their worries were cut short when a familiar voice chimed in.

"Minami-chan! Shisui-kun! Over here!"

"Mirai-chan!" Minami all but body-flickered away from Shisui to tackle her best friend in a hug. The swift movement startled many nearby students, "You're in the same class as us!"

"Of course I am! Did you really think I was going to miss the chaos? Tou-san and I made an agreement, as long as I get good grades, I can help you two cause as much trouble as possible!" Mirai threw her head back in a sadistic laugh, scooting over so she made room for the twins.

Shisui hung his head, wondering what he did to get such crazy friends, "You two spend too much time with Kaa-san."

"Yeah yeah, Shisui-kun. You know you love us." Mirai straightens up from her slouched posture, "Class is going to start soon."

Just as Mirai finished that sentence, Iruka stepped into the room, "Settle down everyone." Everyone scrambled to find a seat, "Alright, my name is Umino Iruka, you may call me Iruka-sensei. Let's start off with everyone telling us your dreams. When I call your name, please stand and share it. It's okay if you don't have one, so instead share something you like."

The twins barely listened to each child spewing out the same things. Usually, it was something along the lines of "being the strongest shinobi". It wasn't until Mirai stood up did they pay attention.

"I want to become the sensei of the next Ino-Shika-Cho trio, just like my father before me, and train them to be shinobi that I can be proud of." Mirai slammed her hands on her hips in determination, daring anyone to laugh at that dream. Her red eyes instantly making a few stupid civilian children shut their traps. Granted it was a long shot because by the time Shikadai and the other's graduate, she'll only be a teenager… but damn the Sage of Six Paths if that becomes a factor.

Iruka gave a grin of approval, "What a nice goal Sarutobi-san. Now, Uchiha-" But before he could call a first name, the twins stood. Poor Iruka almost instantly was reminded that not only were there two Uchiha in the class… but they were the children of Uchiha Deidara.

"ANBU captain." "Hokage."

Everyone paused as Minami and Shisui stared at each other blankly. After a few blinks, the two looked back to Iruka.

"Hokage." "ANBU captain."

"Oh boy…" Mirai hid her face in her hands to hide her snickering as many children gave the duo peeved looks. She could already tell this was going to be a blast. Things would only get more hectic if she could get the two to awaken their sharingan and master genjutsu with her.

One kid shot up from his chair to point at the twins, "You both can't be Hokage!" Several others yelled in agreement, though it was obvious they were hoping to rile up the Uchihas.

Minami and Shisui eyed each other before shrugging. Minami speaking for the two of them, "There's no law saying we couldn't, and if the two of us want to become Hokage we'll simply fight for the title. Whoever wins gets to be Hokage and the other leads the ANBU."

"That's not how it works!"

Mirai stood with her friends, "Oh yeah? Tell that to Hokage-sama and his husband. Deidara-san has just as much power as Hokage-sama and you all know that!" She flared her Sarutobi chakra in the room, mixing with the Uchiha chakra and causing many of her classmates to pale. Even at the age of 6, the three were already out of most of these kids' leagues. Doesn't help that thanks to the war against the Akatsuki, there was a severe lack of clan children for this age range. Most clan children were mere toddlers at the moment, unable to begin training for a few more years.

Iruka raised his voice, "Alright, that's enough! Everyone sit down and we shall begin your lessons!" Of course, everyone obeyed. But Minami caught a few boys giving them the stink eye.

 _Lunchtime_

Naturally, the three friends sat with each other under a tree, casually joking around and swapping bits of their lunches. Halfway through lunch, Minami leapt to her feet.

"Gonna go get some juice. Sushi, mommy and aunt Konan are going to show up soon to talk to some older kids." Twirling on her heel, Minami skipped off to find a vending machine.

Mirai looked to Shisui with a snicker, "She still calls you Sushi huh? Has Kisame-san learn about this nickname?"

Shisui puffed out his cheeks with a pout, "Shut up, Mirai-chan."

"Oh? So he has."

"Hush or I'm feeding you these vegetables."

Meanwhile, Minami was dealing with some issues on her own.

"Um… excuse me, you're blocking my way." The small Uchiha stared up at a bunch of older students hovering her, her classmates standing behind them with smirks.

"Think you're better than us because you come from the Uchiha clan?" One of the boys gives Minami a harsh shove, but like a training dummy, she returned to her original stance, "Well guess what? My mom said that the Uchiha clan is almost dead, and it's all your dad's fault!" He smirked, expecting the little girl to start crying.

Nope. Minami blinked a few times, "Kaa-san said that Tou-san was ordered to kill everyone. That's why we don't have grandparents… Besides grandpa Madara. You shouldn't bully someone who will fight back. I won't use my parent's titles against you both, but Kaa-san is expected to show up soon..." She tilted her head when the bullies created clones, "You guys are really stupid…"

"Get her!"

 _At the gates_

 **Deidara's POV**

"Seems like Minami is asserting her dominance already, un." Konan gave me an odd look as I passed through the academy gates, "It's almost impossible for Uchiha kids to not be bullied within the first years of being in the academy. Itachi was bullied because he skipped grades and I'm pretty sure the only reason why Sasuke was fine was because his generation was full of misfits that had their own problems."

Konan hummed to herself, refixing the paper rose in her hair, "What are the chances of your daughter killing them?" The lack of concern in her expression reflected my own apathy for the situation, as long as my children beat their asses, I don't care.

"Very low, now if it was Shisui- Hey! Shisui! I expect you to finish those vege- Don't you dare feed them to Mirai- and you fed them to Mirai…" I groan with a facepalm as my son gave me a smug grin, "Little punk. I swear the kid has an agenda against me, un."

Konan pat my shoulder in sympathy, "All boys are like that at some point. You can always discipline him like you did your brothers."

I crack my knuckles, smirking when Shisui paled, "Oh he knows. And he knows that daddy won't lift a finger to defend him, un." I blow my son a kiss, which earned me a gulp. Oh, he can be a little punk all he wants, but I established my dominance the moment Itachi started training, "Come on. I don't want to be late for the class."

As we entered the hallway, chanting rang in our ears. Following the sound, I was not surprised at all to see Minami's fight gathering a fair number of students, all stupidly chanting for the fight to go on. However, seeing me and Konan just 15 feet away made Minami stop dead in her tracks, causing a punch to accidentally land on her jaw and knocking her to the ground.

"K-Kaa-san? Aunt Konan…?" All of the children and even approaching teachers froze at the sight of us. The one that punched Minami looked like he was about to piss himself.

Placing my hands on my hips, I observe the quivering child, "Hmmm… me thinks you two should continue outside. Iruka-san, mind making this an official match so they can avoid punishment? This does seem to be an obvious case of fighting back bullying, un." Naturally, Iruka nodded in agreement, knowing the boys for picking on first years.

"I will observe the match." Konan motioned for the group of children, "Come, we may be in a time of peace, but that does not mean we adults will tolerate you fighting like common thugs." Like the Pied Piper playing his hypnotic tune, the kids followed her outside. Konan really did have her own unique ways with children, shame she never married...

I took this rare moment to break from my professionalism to give my baby some encouragement, "Kick their asses, sweetie!" I wish I had my scope with me to snap a photo of the brilliant smile Minami gave me that very moment.

 _7 years old_

"Sushi…"

Shisui groaned and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. He knew it was late and he did not want to deal with anyone right now.

"Sushi… this is important!" Small hands grab onto him and shake him until he swatted them away. Why can't people be like mom and sleep until 9? It's- they're going to keep at this until he woke up, huh?

Turning his head and opening one eye, he was greeted with his wide-eyed twin staring at him in fear. Propping himself on his elbows, smacking his dry mouth while also simultaneously licking his lips, "Wha…" yawns, "wha ish if…?" With a groan he slapped his bedside table several times before locating and drinking water from his cup, quenching his late-night thirst.

"M-mommy is making weird noises. I think he's hurt." Minami's eyes were glossy with tears as she waited as her beloved older twin processed this news at an agonizingly slow rate. Flapping her arms frantically, trying desperately to wake her twin, "I think daddy's hurting mommy!" Okay, the increase in pitch actually gave her a much-needed reaction as Shisui rubbed his ears in minor pain.

"Please Nami, Tou-san couldn't hurt Kaa-san if he wante-" Oh... Oh! Oh hell no, nu uh. Nope. He knew one day his lovely little sister would bring this up and he was not about to deal with that, "Kaa-san is fine… Go back to bed, sis." With that, the young Uchiha slammed his face back into his pillow, sleep felt good right now.

"Mmmmmm…" Shisui's heart stopped as he rocketed his head up and saw Minami's beautiful blue eyes glisten with tears, "B-b-but… but… but…" Her voice increased in broken pitch with each "but" and Shisui feared her potential lung capacity.

"W-wait! Don't cry- gah…" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "If we go check on them, will you please go back to sleep?" He knew that he would regret this eventually. His sister's tears were going to be the death of him.

With a sniffle, Minami nodded frantically. Taking her twin's hand, she practically dragged her brother to their parents' bedroom door, "Do you hear that?"

Oh, he hears it alright. Frankly, he'd like to unhear it. It's obvious his parents had sealed the room to be as soundproof as possible, but they forgot that children can hear better than some adults. That and Shisui may have had Naruto tamper with the seals so he could eavesdrop as their parents tend to have interesting conversations about the past.

With a sigh and a half-assed glare towards his terrified sister, Shisui knocked on the wooden frame of the bedroom door. Almost instantly, the noise stopped and he could hear his mom talking, "I swear, I'm going to drug their tea next time..." Oooo, he sounds peeved. Shisui was now considering the option of knocking Minami out the next time this happens.

There was shuffling in the room, mostly the sound of clothes being put on along with a soft chuckle that was obviously NOT their mother. In a flash, the door slid open to reveal their father, shirtless and hair down which startled the twins. Shisui peered into the room to see… well… nothing. The room is pitch black, but thanks to the moonlight in the hallway he could faintly see his mother propped up on his elbow under a blanket, though it's mostly his hair and blue eyes that Shisui could see. Wait… why did mom have both of his eyes open?

"What is the matter, you two?" Itachi patiently waited as he noticed his little girl squirming where she stood. Did she need to use the bathroom? She's 6, Minami should have no problem using it without one of them, and if she did she would bother her brother.

"Nami heard noises in the room and thought Kaa-san was hurt." Shisui had to hold back a grin seeing his father cough into his hand, "I brought her here to assure that everything was okay."

"Mommy?" Minami's tiny voice piped into the darkness, reaching Deidara's ears almost instantly.

"I'm fine baby. Tou-san and Kaa-san are just playing a game that married couples do at night, un." It was the only way to explain sex to her and also avoid Minami asking if she could play the "game" with her brother.

Itachi stood in the doorway for a few seconds as Minami processed everything. When she nodded he poked both of them on the foreheads, "Go back to sleep. I don't want to hear from Iruka that you two fell asleep in class." With that, he turned back into the room and quietly closed the door to shut all light from the bedroom.

Yawning, Shisui grabbed Minami's hand and lead her back to their bedroom. Tucking his twin in her sheets, and in a moment of extreme laziness, Shisui fell asleep and used his sister's stomach as a pillow.

 _10 years old_

 **Deidara's POV**

"Kaa-san, we're 10 now."

Looking up from my conversation with my brothers, I find Shisui standing by my sofa, "Congrats sweetheart, you can count, un." Behind Shisui, Minami let out a snorted giggle with Naruto. Kimimaro and Sasuke were sharing matching smirks.

"You know what I'm talking about, Kaa-san. You said you would tell us everything when we were 10, like our uncles." He motioned to the others as if proving his point. Ohhh, THAT.

Sasuke and Naruto groaned as Kimimaro straightened up at an instant. I let out a sadistic chuckle, "Sit down little ones since Minami will be having her's soon I might as well tell you two about puberty." Shisui visibly paled while Minami tilted her head innocently, "You see, puberty is when-"

One traumatizing talk later

"And that's why I told you two all those years ago that the 'game' your father and I play are for married couples only, un." I slowly reach other to poke Shisui, who proceeds to crash to the ground in a state of frozen shock. Minami was practically glowing in awe from the new knowledge given to her.

"Man, Shisui is like us and Minami is like Kimimaro, dattebayo." Naruto nudged Sasuke playfully, "But we're married so we don't have to worry about that anymore."

"Hn."

Minami clapped her hands once, startling Shisui out of his stupor, "I can't wait to tell Mirai-chan!" With no one trying to stop her, she shot up from her seat and ran out of the house. Thankfully I thought of this ahead of time and warned Kurenai and Asuma that age 10 was The Talk year. Hopefully, they listened to me and told Mirai at least something about puberty.

Shisui shivered, "Blech… How do you know so much, Kaa-san?"

I hummed softly before kicking my legs up and using Sasuke as a helpful footrest, "Oh, I was a woman in my past life. I've experienced both kinds, frankly, I hate them both, un." There was a long pause before Shisui burst into laughter, "Don't believe me huh?"

Sasuke reached over to pat Shisui on the head, "Listen to Deidara, he's telling the truth… Sushi." He smirked when the smaller Uchiha glared at him, "Nice try being scary shrimp. Try that again when you're taller than me."

"Sasuke, you really should not taunt your nephew… but then again… Neji and I love teasing Hakaku, he has the best pout." Kimimaro leaned back with a sigh, most likely thinking about his little boy. Next thing Shisui and I knew the three fathers began daydreaming about their cute children.

Shisui crossed his arms, "I'm just glad Minami is usually a happy girl… I can't even imagine her mad…"

One month later

"What's taking her so long?" Shisui impatiently paced around my usual training grounds while Madara and I sat on a rock. Madara wanted to evaluate their training thus far to determine if he needed to step in and handle their growth himself, "Kaa-san, why is she late?"

I hummed as I messed with my clay, not paying any attention, "She's almost here, un."

"Sorry I'm late!" Minami arrived, semi out of breath and… wearing loose fitted pants? That's odd, she's developed Sakura's taste in tight shorts and it's not like her to wear anything remotely baggy unless it's pajamas. Her hair is wet too, "I had to go to aunt Sakura and get… something…"

I give Madara a glance before returning my attention to Minami, "What did you need to get at Sakura's that you couldn't ask me-" She's blushing and fidgeting… oh… "Do you really want to spar against your brother, un?"

Minami went through several facial expressions, eyes shifting to various trees and clouds, "Uh huh…" Fidgeting, she stood in front of her brother and the two began sparing.

At first, it seemed normal, just like how Itachi and Sasuke have been teaching them, like any other Uchiha fight. But then Minami started to freeze when she moved her legs too much, giving multiple chances for Shisui to land hits. I couldn't watch this anymore, I never allowed Sakura and Hinata to spar when they were in this condition. I always had them focus on chakra control.

Shooting up to my feet, I increased the volume of my voice, "That's enough! Shisui will fight against me!"

Shisui looked over to me in confusion, "Wait, why? What's going on? Why is Minami moving funny?"

"Sushi… shut up..."

"Why sis? What's wrong? You can talk to me, you know…"

Minami had tears forming in the corner of her eyes, face slowly turning red from rage, "I said… shut… UUUUUUUUP!" With the last word forming into a high pitched scream, she slammed her foot on the ground, putting so much chakra into it that an explosion happened mere inches from her. Debris flew in every direction as our brains processed what just happened.

Slowly crossing my arms, I nodded in approval, "You have my explosion release…" I look down at my palm mouths in thought, 'Should I even offer…? No, not with her. I won't even bring it up…'

Madara stood up and walked towards Minami, carefully patting her head before ushering her into my open arms, "I will train you both until your father is relieved of his duties as Hokage. But until Minami's bleeding has stopped," Shisui's eyes widen at that, "I want her to focus on chakra control with you, Deidara. Shisui, I'll be getting Obito to help you with your training as well." There was no room for arguments against the older Uchiha as he turned to collect Shisui's new sensei.

With a gentle sigh, I pull Minami into my lap and tucked her legs close to me, "Next time tell me, sweetheart… I like to be aware of this, un." I didn't get a response, just her face nuzzling into my neck as Shisui stood there awkwardly. With a slight jerk of my head towards my clay pouch, Shisui went over there and pulled out my wallet, I move my eye to Minami and Shisui instantly bolted off to buy some comfort food for his sister. At least he understands that his sister needs to be alone with her mother for the time being.

 _12 years old_

 **3rd person POV**

Dark circles laid under Shisui's eyes as his brain decided to take some frustration out, "Kaa-san, I've been wanting to ask you this for a while…"

Deidara looked up from his book to observe Shisui with a raised eyebrow, "Do you mind sharing with the class? Or are you going to stare at me and expect me to enter your mind, un?" The sass and chuckle did not help the bristling pre-teen. Honestly, he could not for the life of him figure out why Shisui has been so tired lately, but it's been making his son irritable at everything. He missed his happy-go-lucky boy and wants his baby to get more sleep at night.

"Who is our real mother?" Okay, both Itachi and Minami stopped their spar outside to watch the whole thing.

Deidara's amusement rose dramatically at the bold question, "I am."

"But you didn't give birth to us."

"You're still mine."

"That doesn't make sense. How can we be yours when Itachi is our father?" Shisui crossed his arms, expecting to catch the blond off-guard… sadly, he missed the mark.

"I turned myself into a woman, your father helped me fertilize some eggs. They were then harvested and placed in the uterus of a surrogate mother. You are mine as much as you are Itachi's, un."

"Who gave birth to us?"

"Anko, duh. Why do you think she's your godmother?" Like a relaxed cat, Deidara slid off the sofa with a stretch and placed his hand under Shisui's chin, " 'Why are you our mother? Why did Itachi marry a man? People bully us because of you.' Are those going through your head? Or is it something else?" He tilted his head when Shisui moved his head away, "Honey… I know you're not sleeping at night, talk to your Kaa-san, un."

"I don't have to tell you anything..." Realizing what he just said, Shisui bit his lower lip and ran out of the house to clear his head. This wasn't his mother's fault, and yet he couldn't help but take it out on him.

 _That night_

Shisui's eyes snapped open with a gasp. His heart pounded in his chest as the nightmare replayed in his head over and over again. Frantically looking around the room, he finds his twin sleeping in her mountain of pillows in her half of the room. She never uses blanket anymore. Kicking off his own mountain of blankets, Shisui crept over to the bed and poked his sister's ankle. The instant kick in the face, while mildly painful, was enough to reassure him that she was indeed breathing.

With a sigh of relief, Shisui tiptoed out of the room, hoping to find a snack in the kitchen. But he didn't expect to find the lights on, nor did he expect the person sitting at the table.

"Tou-san? You're up?"

Itachi looked up from a scroll to look at his terrified son, "Nightmare?" His tired lips tugged up in a smile as Shisui began fidgeting on the spot, "I think there's some melonpan wrapped up on the counter if you want a snack. Sit down after you pick out something."

Shocked out of his daze, Shisui scrambled to the counter and picked up one of the sweet buns and sat next to Itachi. He blinked a few times when Itachi pulled him into a one arm hug.

"Want to talk about it?"

Shisui bit his lower lip. Did he really want to tell his father about the dream? What if it made the man see him differently? It didn't help that it's the reason he snapped at his mother earlier today. He needed to change the subject, "what made you and Kaa-san fall in love?"

Itachi let out an amused chuckle, "Ah… knew one of you two would ask that question one day, especially when we're one of a small handful of same-sex couples… Well, the short version is that your Kaa-san fell in love first, and I didn't… not until I thought I would lose him."

"Lose him?" Shisui arched his head up to look at the pained expression on Itachi's face, "What happened?"

The older Uchiha sighed heavily, "A long time ago… Deidara confessed to me… and I decided to give him a chance… a few weeks later, Sasuke was kidnapped. Deidara went out to rescue him with your uncle and their friends and… he was nearly killed by a stronger opponent. There was a moment where he didn't stand up and all I could think was 'I'm going to lose him'. That's how I realized that I loved him… because I've only felt that fear a handful of times in my life at that point." Itachi clenched his ink-stained hands into tight fists, the memories flashing like bits of a movie.

Shisui lowered his gaze to his half-eaten bread, guilt flooding his heart, "... Are… you happy with your marriage?"

"Happier than I ever thought I would. Your mother has given me so much in my life without ever once wanting something in return… I doubt I could have gotten this kind of feeling with anyone else." There was such a high level of passion in his father's voice that it really broke the mood when he ruffled Shisui's hair, "And you really should stop giving him a hard time. Your favoritism towards me gave 'it' away." Oh… ohhhhhhhhh!

Shisui let out a weak chuckle, "So you noticed?" His body instinctively relaxed when he felt Itachi's face nuzzle his hair.

"You're mannerisms haven't changed much in this life, Shisui. How much do you remember?"

"The past is… blurry… I remember maybe the last 3 or 4 years before I died clearly. Everything else is being buried and replaced with this new life. But I doubt I'll forget those last few years… I'm glad that if I had to be reborn, it was as your kid, Itachi."

"That's Tou-san to you, young man. Best friend or not, I am your father now." The two let out heartfelt laughs.

Catching his breath, Shisui bit his lip, "My… my… I saw Minami die…" Itachi snapped his head to watch his former best friend now son, "It's strange… you were the closest thing I had to a sibling, but now I have a twin. I want to protect her, but seeing her… just laying there, her eyes gouged out… what if… what if I fail?" Shisui covered his hands over his face, tears flowing out, "I had to make her kick me to reassure that she was alive! We're graduating this year! What if we get put in another squad and I'm not there to support her?!"

Itachi let out a hum and pulled his son into his lap, "That's the problem, huh? Well, this may help stop those nightmares." Leaning down, Itachi softly whispered, "Anko will be yours, Minami's and Mirai's sensei. It's supposed to be a secret, so don't tell anyone. Deidara made the arrangements long before you two were born. It just so happened Minami and Mirai stuck together."

"Kaa-san did…?"

"Indeed. He has always done what he could to keep you two together. I suggest apologizing to him in the morning, but he doesn't harbor any ill feelings for your outburst." Letting Shisui go, Itachi got up and stretched, "Goodnight." Without even making a sound, Itachi vanished into the hallways and presumably to bed.

Shisui sat there in the dim lighting of the kitchen, heart swelling with mixed emotions as he ravishly ate another bun before returning to his bedroom. He made a beeline for his bed when a hand shot out from the nearby pillow pile and yanked him into the abyss of soft plush.

"If you make me kick you again, I'm aiming lower each time. You're sleeping in here, Sushi." Minami possessively wrapped her limbs around her brother, effortlessly replacing her body pillow with him. Shisui laid there for a moment, observing his twin's peaceful face. Twisting his body so he faced her, Shisui placed a kiss on Minami's forehead before falling asleep.

 _The following morning_

Shisui walked into the kitchen to find his father enjoying a warm cup of tea and his mother bustling around the kitchen. Today's apron was light blue with the words "I'm cooking, back off" in bold lettering. Ignoring the apron's words, Shisui snuck up behind Deidara and gave him a tight hug.

"Gah! Shisui, I'm cooking here, what if I get hot oil on you, un?" Had his mother always been this concerned for him…? It was new… having a mom that saw him besides a prodigy, a child soldier for a future war. It only made him feel more like an ass.

Ignoring the protests, Shisui nuzzled his face in his mother's side, "I love you. I love you so much and I'm so sorry that I've been acting like such a brat to you… It's never been your fault and I'm grateful to have you as my mom… I'm sorry."

Deidara paused in his cooking to look at his firstborn, before raising an eyebrow and a playful smirk forming. Reaching down, he buried his fingers in the younger's hair and lightly massaged his scalp, "You're supposed to act like a brat. Don't worry, it's not every day your best friend turns into your dad and married a weirdo like me, un." He burst into laughter as Shisui gave Itachi owl eyes, "I figured it out years ago sweetheart, and Itachi told me about your nightmares. A mother always knows the most about their child. Now, eat your breakfast with your sister. I'm training you two in dodging today, un."

Both twins' hearts sped up when their father spoke from behind his teacup, "Ah yes, I'm sure Sasuke and Naruto will love to watch that."

 _13 years old_

Of course, the moment Anko lets the team do a mission alone they get attacked!

"Minami, duck!" Shisui yanked his sister down with him as a fire jutsu barely missed their heads. Seriously, who was this guy?! He had sharingan implanted all over his body and his "sons" as he calls them, were just as freaky!

Minami grimaced watching the man's sharingan fixate on them, "Ugh… disgusting…"

"You two are Uchiha… I thought they were almost extinct…" The man made a hand motion to stop the other sharingan users, "My name is Uchiha Shin."

"We don't care!" Mirai chucked several explosive kunai in specific places, "Minami!"

"On it!" Slamming her hands together, Minami used her explosion release to amplify the explosions from the kunai upon them reaching the ground. Before the smoke could even clear, there was a soft gasp from Mirai, and when it cleared the two could see her with a sword driven through her side, "You…. You… I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Sis, wai-" But Minami was already running, newly awakened sharingan spinning wildly in her eyes. Almost instantly this Shin guy was interested in her new eyes and aimed to attack. Shisui's heart wouldn't stop racing, his worst nightmare was coming true, his sister was in danger. He needed to protect her! He-

There was a sharp jab on his neck and the world went black.

 _Sometime later_

"Urg…" Shisui groaned in pain as the world returned back to him. He was on his bedroll, the crackling of a fireplace and it's unmistakable warmth headed up his right side lighting up only a small section of the dark surroundings. On his left, he felt something pressed against him, no doubt his twin snuggling him.

"Don't move yet Shisui, you three need your rest."

"Grandpa Madara…?"

Turning his head to the right, Shisui saw Madara. The older Uchiha was calmly staring into the fire, back against a tree and sharingan occasionally shifting to look into the abyss of the forest.

"That was one of Orochimaru's experiments, a disgusting life form that clings to the Uchiha name like a parasite… he escaped almost as soon as he saw me." There was the sound of material rubbing against each other, he must be clenching his fist, "You two awakened your sharingan."

That really woke up Shisui, "Mirai! She was stabbed and-" He stopped when he saw the poofy-haired Uchiha point at him. In confusion, Shisui turned his head to the left to see Minami's face pressed against his shoulder, and then right behind her on a separate bedroll was Mirai. Her side was heavily bandaged, but she was breathing, "She's alive… Why are you here though?"

Madara hummed slightly, grabbing a stick and poking the fire with it, "Deidara asked me to shadow your team, and to not interfere unless I thought your lives were in danger. Frankly… I thought your lives were in danger. Three genins against a horde of sharingan users…" Madara leaned his head against the trunk of the tree, "We would have lost you three to that man… no doubt Mirai would have died and you two either captured or your eyes taken… Your mission is over, once Mirai wakes up I'm taking you home. Deidara will be taking over this mission with Sasuke and Neji, I don't want to hear any arguments."

"You don't get any… their lives are more important than this mission… it wouldn't have done much to help Konoha anyway…" Shisui sighed and slowly closes his eyes, "Teach us sharingan tricks when we're home…"

"I plan to, little Uchiha."

 _14 years old_

 **Deidara's POV**

I quietly hummed to myself as I walked down the streets of Konoha with Shisui and Minami. Naruto had just become Hokage a few days ago, the ceremony was grand and my poor brother didn't even get to be awake for the whole thing. Himawari completely knocked him out with a single blow and Konohamaru had to take his place.

Of course, I didn't miss the snake approaching me when the area had fewer people, "Are you one of Duck-kun's, or Orochimaru's?" Minami and Shisui poked their heads over my shoulders to look at the little serpent.

"Orochimaru-sssama wissshessss to ssspeak to you." Well, that answered my question pretty quickly.

"We'll be there in a moment, un." The snake slithered off and I looked at my kids, gently brushing both of their faces affectionately, "Follow me, you two."

The twins silently followed behind me as I headed towards Orochimaru's hideout. I desperately wanted to mess with his computers. The technology in every room, every open door, were like memories of the past pushed far away. There was someone in the room Orochimaru was waiting for us in, but I didn't recognize who it was. Definitely not Suigetsu, he's in another part of the building… it has to be…

"Ah Deidara… and little Minami-chan and Shisui-kun. It has been a long time… I wanted you to meet-"

"MITSUKI!" Without any other warning, I bolted towards the calm, smiling child and lifted him into my arms and into a tight hug. At the entrance of the room, Minami and Shisui were staring at me like I've grown a second head and then looking at Orochimaru, praying for an explanation.

Orochimaru let out a throaty chuckle, "Your mother here, only kept me alive in the past wanting this dear child to be born. I presume he is pleased with the child that he is hugging."

"He's absolutely perfect, Orochimaru! Ooooo look at his cute eyes, un! Not as cute as my kids of course. But look at him!" I nuzzled my face against Mitsuki, the child making no move to escape my grasp. If anything, he seemed to relish in the attention.

Minami sighed and waved off my behavior, "Kaa-san has a weakness for children, you should have seen how he acts when babysitting our cousins."

"Forget our cousins, Kaa-san doted on us from day one." Shisui laughed slightly when his sister gave him a glare, "Do I need to remind your love for seals and your onesie, sis?"

"No thanks Sushi, not unless you want Orochimaru-sama here to learn about your Halloween costume at 4." Now it was Shisui's turn to glare.

"Behave you two." With a roll of my eye, I slowly sat Mitsuki down and kneel to his height, "Sorry for the scare. My name is Deidara, I'll be watching over you when you come to Konoha, un."

"My parent told me about you, Deidara-san." Oh I love his little voice and how he calls Orochimaru his parent- damnit… I just realized Orochimaru looks prettier than most women now, "And the two shinobi behind you must be your kids… um… are you their dad?"

"No sweetie, I'm their mother. Kind of like how Orochimaru is your… um…" I straighten up to look at Orochimaru, making vague hand gestures towards the snake child, "Uh…"

"It's not important, Deidara-san. He can be taken to Konoha whenever you are ready, I will occasionally show up to check his progress… However, there is something I wish to tell… nevermind, it's not important." With that, Orochimaru gave Mitsuki a look that made him look like a doting mother and resumed his research… I still cannot tell which type parent Orochimaru is.

Mitsuki was packed and ready to head out within the hour, almost instantly striking up a conversation with Shisui about Konoha and who his classmates will be. He was interested in the fact that Shisui and Minami were related to a chunk of his future classmates, especially Naruto's son. Noting how Shisui was quick to take the young boy under his wing, I allowed him to take Mitsuki over to Naruto's office.

Noting that we were now alone, Minami spoke, "Kaa-san, why did neither of us get your palm mouths?" She waved her own hands as if to prove her point, "I have your explosion release too."

Oh boy, should have expected this sooner in all honesty, "Because I was not born with these hands. I stole a forbidden jutsu from Iwagakure, my birth village, to develop my ultimate art. I was branded a traitor for this jutsu, un."

She blinked a few times, before slowly tilting her head, "Would… it be possible for me to have this jutsu too? I really want to learn your techniques. I've seen you in battle and… they're fascinating." Fascinating… huh… I never really saw them as that.

"Maybe you can ask Kurotsuchi when you visit Iwagakure next time. I know she's kept it locked up once she learned that Onoki never destroyed it, un." I throw my arm across her shoulder and gave her a half hug while we walked, "But I want you to develop your own art, your own jutsu. Just because you have my kekkei genkai and the sharingan does not mean you can copy everything I do, un." That earned a light giggle from Minami.

"Alright Kaa-san… how did you know Orochimaru-sama would make Mitsuki-kun?"

"Oh, I knew the future when I was younger. I don't know what's going to happen anymore, but I did know he would be born."

Minami just gave me a look that screamed "bullshit" to me. Ahhh… I'm going to have to explain this to all of them someday.

 _16 Years old_

"My babies are both jounin now." I sniffed and fake cried into my sleeve as Minami and Shisui tried on their jonin jackets, Minami almost instantly ditching it in favor of her Uchiha shirt instead.

Despite the both of them always being together, they developed their own style. Minami dresses similar to Madara: long sleeved mantle that slit at the bottom, only instead of a high collar she has a hood. I don't know why she insists on her clothes having hoods, her hair is so long it barely fits when she puts it up, but whatever makes her happy. She's begun to adopt my bang style but has her waist-length black hair tied in a low ponytail, similar to Neji. The hair was tied with string, bells attached to the ends. Again, I don't understand her fashion choices, but at least she looks beautiful in her clothes and she's confident in her body.

Shisui… looks like… well… Shisui, but with straight hair that is never sure if it wants to spike out or not. I swear it's based on how he sleeps, half the time it's flat and compliments his face… and other times he looks like if Naruto grew his hair out and got smacked with a chidori.

They were dressed in more traditional clothing compared to most from their generation. When I tried to ask them if they liked the new trends their cousins wore… they gagged and proclaimed their love for older styles… well, it saves headaches.

"I still don't get why you and Tou-san had us take our time in climbing the ranks. I wanted to be an ANBU by the time I was 13…" Shisui pouted as he examined himself in the vest, quickly ditching it due to hating how the shade of green clashed with… literally everything on his person.

I pat my son on the shoulder, "Because honey, we're in a time of peace. Itachi and I wanted you two to perfect your skills to the highest caliber before sending you two off to A-rank and S-rank missions, un." There was no need to power rush the twins, from what I've gathered there was little to worry about for the time being, "Now come on, you're helping me monitor your cousins' graduations."

I didn't look over my shoulder to see if they followed me, they always followed. Konoha was full of energy today, many parents were gossiping and anxiously waiting for their child to return home with their forehead protectors.

Entering the academy, Shino greeted us at the front door, "Deidara-san. Thank you for coming here to help out with the graduation exams and ceremony." More expressive than ever, Shino gave the three of us a patient smile as he allowed me to walk to the classroom.

As I opened the door, I began to speak, "Alright chibis, time to see what you're made of- AH!" A high pitched shriek escaped my throat as a bucket of ice-cold water landed on my head. There must have been a seal that activated and dropped it on me. Slowly, I lifted the bucket off with a shaky hand, and stared into the eyes of the terrified students… one of them gave their guilt away instantly, "MENMAAAAAAAAA!"

 **3rd person POV**

Hakaku leaned on the palm of his hand, white eyes staring at his blond cousin, "We told you dropping a bucket of water on Uncle Deidara would get you in trouble." Rolling his eyes, he resumed his conversation with Shikadai and Inojin about kekkei genkai, knowing fully well that Menma was in for a world of hurt.

"Aw shut up Hakaku, you're going to get me caught!" Menma shushed the other harshly and paled when he saw movement beside him, "Ah! Sarada-!"

The female Uchiha rushed to help get a towel for her uncle, "Menma wanted to figure out if the reason why your eyelids were so dark was because of eyeshadow or not."

Minami glared at Menma, sharingan spinning, "You know Kaa-san hates makeup, idiot." The boy visibly gulped, not realizing his older cousins had joined in on the exam. Oh he better be prepared to run after class, "Kaa-san, are you okay?"

"I'll live- ah, thank you Sarada, un." Deidara pat his face and arms dry before undoing his messed up ponytail and wearing the towel like a turban, "Well then, since Menma decided to pull that kind of prank, I think it would be appropriate for your exams to take place under the watchful gaze of my lovely sharingan-wielding children, Minami and Shisui. Not only am I able to sense everything in the room, these two can see everything. Good luck, un."

Menma groaned and slammed his face on his desk, causing Hakaku to reach out and stop his water bottle from falling, "Man… why did he have to bring the red-eyed demons into this whole thing…?"

"Because it was either us or our father and Sasuke." Menma's heart stopped when he found Shisui hovering him with his trademark "You're screwed~" smile and sharingan staring him down, "I think bamboo sounds lovely with ramen this time of year~"

Deidara sat down in a chair with Minami standing behind him, "Kaa-san, why did Uncle Naruto name his son after fermented bamboo?"

I let out a chuckle as I watched Shisui terrorize the boy, "Well, Naruto was originally going to name him Boruto," I pause as Minami snorted, "I know, a stupid name. Anyway, I forced him to pick out a different name and he picked out Menma… let's just say there's a connection with that name… too bad he's still a brat, un."

"Shall Sushi and I teach him some manners?" Naturally, Shisui bristled at his childhood nickname, but the smirk was still there.

"Why not? After all, your jobs as jounin is to… beat some sense into the genin, un."

* * *

 **Heh… Sushi. I don't know why I had that be Shisui's nickname, but I did. This was so much fun to write and show off the kid's childhoods. I really just wrote random stuff that came to my head, a few things didn't make it into the chapter but I'm satisfied with the final product.**

 **And yes, I changed Boruto's name to Menma.**

 **All of the Boruto generation kids were born, I even kept Inojin the same. There are just now some new kids added into the mix, like Kimimaro and Neji's son Hakaku.**

 **I'm not entirely sure how the final chapter will play out, but I do know it will be next week. I'm just proud that I was able to finish this project and watch it grow.**

 **As always, reviews are loved and I will see you all next week.**

 **Bye!**


	53. End

**Well… here we are, the final chapter. I won't be going all sentimental in this part of the AN, I'll save that for the bottom one.**

 **Thank you all so much for following, favoriting and reviewing this story. From chapter 1 where everyone was a skeptic about the story, to now, where I see so many familiar reviewers (and some new ones) drop their ideas and thoughts on each new addition to this story.**

 **Guest: Thaaaaaannnnkkkkkkssssss :D**

 **jojobrn: I'm glad you stuck through the entire story, finishing this chapter let out a huge weight off my shoulder because I never expected that I would finish this.**

 **VenaHope: Maybe it was because I learned how Japanese pronounce their names back when I first got into anime (and I was friends with a Japanese kid back then), but I never had problems with pronouncing character's names unless they were a tongue twister. Also don't forget to let me know when you finally decide to post that story! My beta and I are excited to read it! :D**

 **Ringo1327: Hope you enjoy the side story!**

 **Lunarella2903: Nope, they're just sticking with the twins since having more kids would have conflicts regarding sharingan.**

 **Meladi1: It was so much fun reading your reviews and seeing how you reacted to each thing. But I will mention that for the most part the fights during the war didn't stay the same due to how powerful everyone was. Some fights happened like Madara vs Gai, but that was about it and none of the chibis died either. I do recommend Kamisama Kiss, it's one of my favorite Shoujo anime/manga of all time. I never recommend Game of Thrones due to how violent and sexual it can get, that's more of a "watch at your own risk" sort of thing. Thank you for giving this story a chance, I know you had planned on dropping it early on, but I'm glad you stuck for the crazy ride. :)**

 **wyattharto8: I was planning on changing his name the moment I realized the brat was going to be born.**

 **Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf: One thing I have noticed about OC and Si stories (specifically in the reincarnation community) is that I can tell that the authors hold themselves back on a lot of things and it is physically painful for me to read them. I have found… maybe a handful that go all ham on their stories and I love them. I'm just glad I was able to do the kids justice.**

 **ellainaparker: Thank you!**

 **Liliah Dark: I am currently working on a crossover, but if you mean an SI story it won't be for a while. Gotta give my brain a break! :D**

 **setokayba2n: Not really sure what their reaction would be… most likely they would think their mother was nuts lol.**

 **Yensia: "If you make a sequel, you better find yourself another beta." - My beta. I won't be doing a sequel, not only because I do not like Boruto, but this fic would have not existed if Naruto wasn't already complete. Since Boruto most likely won't be done for another… 5 or so years? Yeahhhh…. No. Plus, I don't have enough of a muse or inspiration to write one anyway, and I would rather not force myself to produce content that I was unhappy with. But I'm glad you have enjoyed the story as it is. ^^**

 **dragongirlgamer1: Wait, it really tries to change Shisui into sushi? Wow autocorrect… that was unintentional, I don't use autocorrect. Glad you like the story!**

 **brave-story: Oh that boy is around, he's living his life. Didn't really see much of a need to keep having him pop up, but he is living a happy life.**

 **Opl: No, sorry, I really do not like that joke so it's not going to show up.**

 **Menma's dad: Indeed he is, and that joke (as I said to the person above) is still not funny. :P**

 **Warning: language, violence, character deaths, feels, fluffs, all the good stuff.**

 **Disclaimer: Never owned Naruto, but I'm still glad it was a part of my life.**

* * *

"Kaa-san, Minami mentioned to me that a couple of years ago you told her that you were reborn and knew the future… what does that mean, exactly?"

"Hmm…?" I hummed softly, being unable to talk as I had a hair tie in my mouth. Out of boredom, Itachi allowed me to braid his hair, and so far it was turning out rather well. Humming out a "one moment please~" I finished up Itachi's braid, tying it up at the end, "There we go. Shisui, what you just asked is exactly how I would answer it, un."

Shisui raised a dark eyebrow, looking towards his twin before tilting his head back at me, "I don't get it."

I let out a soft sigh, "Love." Itachi's eyes let out the iconic shing sound and we were soon under the Tsukuyomi, "It's easier if I just show it to you while explaining, un."

With a snap of my finger, memories slowly began to change to match what I was saying, "In my past life, I grew up in a world where this one… was a manga… one that shaped the early parts of my teen years. But one day… I just died." The twins deadpanned at how blunt that statement was, sorry kiddos but I've said this too many times, "The Sage of Six Paths put me in this body in hopes of changing things he was not pleased with." Shisui looked as if he was going to faint seeing a memory that consisted of pale cream hands holding a stack of Naruto manga, slowly flipping through each page.

Minami placed a finger by her lips in thought, "What would have been different if you weren't reborn? Who was…" She motioned to me vaguely, "This?"

Rolling my neck with a satisfying pop, I plop down next to Itachi who answered for me, "Well, neither of you would be born… and the both of us would not only have a strong dislike for each other… but we would also be dead…"

I can honestly say that I have never seen so much fear in my children's eyes before as they watched my memories. But it's best that they know what has changed from us, rather than accidentally learning from anyone else. But… sadly, my children are Uchihas.

"Kaa-san, why is that one part of your mind completely barricaded away?" Minami pointed towards a heavily sealed part of my mind, "Is there something important behind it?"

I let out a nervous chuckle, "Umm… heheh… I read in my spare tim- SHISUI, I SWEAR TO KAMI IF YOU BREAK THAT SEAL!" I had to quickly shut off the genjutsu to prevent the mental scarring of my children, thank Kami I was never interested in Shisui fanfictions… not like I tried to find any. But damn these Uchihas and wanting to snoop.

 _A few days later (After the Menma's class' genin exams)_

Yanking a comb through my messy hair I headed out to Naruto and Hinata's house. Usually, my hair is easy to manage, but thanks to Menma's stupid prank it's all knotted up. Oh well, I had already made arrangements to measure his, and his cousins' current skill levels. With a lack of threats or potential war, many of these genins have become lazy and self-entitled to things. Granted I like video games myself, but Temari told me that Shikadai has been caught playing it in class.

Seriously, if they're going to break the rules, at least don't get caught! It's not that hard!

Just as I reached for the door, it swung open. My body moved with the door out of shock, causing my hand to become sandwiched between it and the nearby wall, the pain was almost instant as my palm mouth also decided to bite itself. My eye saw dots for a moment before a yellow blur bolted past me, inside the house I could hear Naruto yelling out something. He stopped at the entrance just as the door began to free my hand and accidentally slamming it back onto my hand, causing another electric like pain to run up my arm. It's a wonder how I'm not screaming at this point.

"Ah! Deidara-nii, are you okay?!" Naruto removed my hand from its trap, red and pulsing from the pain, "I'll get you ice, dattebayo!"

I let out a long, shaky inhale as I pressed my hand close to my lips, "I'm going to KILL your SON, un…" Following my brother inside, I took the ice with a low growl before sitting next to a stunned Shikamaru. My voice came out just like the growl as I grit my teeth from the cold clashing with the warmth of my skin, "Care to explain... why you and your mini-you... decided to slam open the door... Naruto?"

Naruto scratched his cheek, a habit he's gotten with age, "Sorry about that… Shikamaru and I were discussing a meeting I'll need to attend to tomorrow. Menma heard only a part of it… and thinks that I'm skipping out on him being assigned a genin team. So he ran out, dattebayo." Naruto flopped onto his couch with a groan, head banging the wooden part of the furniture, "Why did this not happen with your kids, Deidara-nii?"

I hummed, examining my still red hand, "Helped that they had each other and I established at a young age that I would not tolerate that behavior. I've had to slap them across the room a few times when they gave me attitude, un." Flexing my fingers I laid the ice packet on the table, "He's a teen, he SHOULD grow out of it."

Shikamaru noticed that, "You said 'should', are you saying he may stay like that?"

I shrugged, "Who can say? Duck-kun would give me the same type of attitude when you guys were Menma's age, and I beat the shit out him for it." Standing up and after returning the ice to the freezer, I head out the door, "I'll be training Sarada and Hakaku at my place, feel free to stop by later… Hokage-sama, un." Chuckling at Naruto's baffled expression, I leave the house and made the long trek back to the Uchiha compound, where a certain blond was waiting with the others.

 _A few hours later_

I can't describe what I'm feeling right now watching my niece and nephews sparring. There was an odd tension and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. Menma and the others passed their exams and tomorrow they will be assigned to their teams, so this could just be jitters from the excitement from becoming genin. I know Hakaku will be on the same team as Metal Lee, despite the two being opposites in fighting they get along fairly well… better than Neji and Lee when they were young at the very least.

"What's your problem with your dad, Menma?" Sarada was glaring intense daggers at Menma as he once again bad-mouthed Naruto, "He does what he can for you guys."

Menma crossed his arms, "He's always gone, that's why! Doesn't help that Kaa-chan always takes his side! Why did I have to have parents that seem to priorities everything but their kids?! I- Uncle Deidara?" Huh… when did I start moving?

I harshly grab his chin and stared into those blue pools, "I wonder…"

Hakaku retracted his bones, "Wonder what?" He and Sarada began to fidget over something, nervously looking at me before looking everywhere else but us.

I was more talking to myself than to the chibis in front of me, "I know I did everything I could to ensure Naruto and Hinata had a happy and healthy marriage… I even gave up time with Itachi so he became Hokage later… so why…" Menma tried to look away, causing me to grab him by the hair and forcing him to remain still, "Why did you turn out to become such a spoiled little brat? What did I do wrong, un…"

Oh, the tension has been coming from me.

"Let me go!" Menma squirmed under my grip, only causing my hold to tighten as I dragged him into my house. After a moment of hesitation, Sarada and Hakaku followed suit and watched as I threw their cousin onto the couch, "What the hell was all that for, you bastard?!" His only true response was a large photo album slamming the table in front of him.

Casting my eye over to the others, I give them a small smile, "Sorry guys, mind if we continue this training later? I need to teach Menma here a lesson, un."

Hakaku activated his byakugan to examine the album briefly, "Right… let's go Sarada, I think Aunt Hanabi is making mochi. It would be good training to help her make the cakes the traditional way." Blowing a strand of snow-white hair from his face, he took Sarada by the hand and lead her out the front door. Leaving Menma at my mercy.

Said boy scoffed as he opened the album, "Why would a bunch of photos make me change my min-" he paused as he looked at the first page, "This is…"

"I was going to show it to your parents and everyone else as a celebration for their children becoming genin… but considering your attitude, I doubt you would have paid attention." Sitting down in my usual chair, I rest an elbow onto my leg to prop my head against my fist. With my free hand, I casually point at various photos, "I took every single one of these photos, with some exceptions of course. Helps when you have a bird's eye view of the whole thing…" I tapped the side of my head, hidden behind my bangs where I would usually have my scope equipped.

I focused more on Menma than I did the photographs, watching his face transform with each page. He seemed to have the emotional range of confusion and mirth, typically whenever he saw a picture of his father or Sasuke doing something stupid… but that was only the good side of the album. The first half had the silly moments, cute snippets of childhood glee and friendships blooming.

I watched Menma pale at the midway point.

"You see Menma… your Tou-chan sacrificed a lot to ensure you grew up in a time of peace… we all did…" The photos told their own stories, blood and battles, blurry images of men clashing swords; that perfectly timed photo of two enemies landing blows all laid bare for this boy to see, "You may not care about the Hokage title, but it was the only thing Naruto had to cling to back then, un."

Menma couldn't tear his eyes away from the photographs, particularly the one with Naruto consumed with Kyuubi chakra that was taken by Jiraiya long ago, "What do you mean? He had you and Uncle Kimimaro."

I reach into my shirt and pulled out my locket, somehow surviving all these years of battles, "He had no one before I came to Konoha. 'Monster...'," Menma snapped his head up to look at me, "'freak... You should have never been born… This was all your fault… Don't look at him, you'll be cursed…' He heard those every day when he was little, all because he hosted the Kyuubi." I let out a throaty laugh, "Had things been different, you would have never been born, un."

Turning a page, it held photographs of the Akatsuki, "Many of the people you grew up knowing… Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Konan… all were once part of this organization… I almost joined them… if I did I would have helped in the hunt for Naruto. They would have won if I joined… but I didn't, un." Slowly drawing my hands towards the back of my neck, I unclasped the chain, "But I didn't, I gave Naruto what he wanted the most."

Menma took the locket from my hand and slowly opening it, revealing the old photograph from our first New Year's. Despite the photo's age, it was still in perfect condition, allowing Menma to see a younger version of his father crying in my arms.

"A family."

"Tou-chan… Was alone…?"

I nodded, cupping Menma's chin, "Understand this Menma. Yes, your father is busy with Hokage work, yes he may not always be there… but he's alive. He'll always be there to support you and watch you grow up. Naruto may have had me, but I am only a few years older than him. It's not the same as having a parent, I was his sibling… Hell, I didn't know how to raise a child and I kept taking so many children under my wing…" I let out a mix of a sigh and a laugh, "Don't say things that you will regret later, he's trying…"

"I just want my dad… Sometimes I can't even tell if he loves us..."

Slowly getting up from my seat, I went to Menma and sat next to him. Slowly pulling the boy into my lap and hugging him close, "I know little one… but he does love you, un."

I feel him pull a displeased face, "How do you know?"

Leaning forward, mindful to not crush the child in my arms, I flip the album a few pages over, "Because… I just know…"

This part was the most beautiful section of the album, and all of the photos were connected to a single red ribbon. Hinata and Naruto's wedding… Hinata and I pranking Naruto to reveal her pregnancy. Naruto doing a silly dance when he learned he was going to have a son. And my favorite… the happy couple's glowing but tired faces, while Hinata held a sleeping newborn Menma in her arms. The next photos were of Menma's childhood until a new photo of the couple, this time Naruto holding Himawari.

Turning the page, there laid a family photo, taking up the entire section.

In the center was Itachi, the twins and I in traditional Uchiha kimono with our hands resting on the shoulders of our children, Madara standing behind me. In reality, we were the only ones in the photo posing normally. Sakura and Sasuke were on our right, Sasuke holding a toddler Sarada who snuck pocky into the photo and was trying to feed her father a stick while Sakura was dying of laughter. Next to them were Neji, Kimimaro, and Hakaku. The couple decided they would try and kiss for the photo and Hakaku was having none of that noise, frantically trying to push at his fathers' faces to keep their lips apart. And of course, to the left of us were Hinata, Naruto, a toddler Menma and a baby Himawari. Menma was resting on his father's shoulder, tugging at his blond hair while Hinata was giggling and nuzzling Himawari's face.

I spoke in a soft voice, "You and Himawari are their greatest treasures…"

I held the boy in my arms until he cried himself to sleep.

 **3rd person POV**

"Naruto! Would you please slow down?" Shikamaru panted slightly as he struggled to catch up with the racing Hokage, "I'm sure Menma is fine!"

Naruto flashed his right-hand-man a terrified expression, "He's with DEIDARA-NII, Shikamaru! If it was anyone else I would be fine, but Deidara-nii would soon beat him to Suna and have Sasori beat him back before anything good can happen with them alone, dattebayo!" He loved his brother of course, but the relationship between his son and Deidara was the shakiest out of any of the children. Why did he forget that his older brother trains the kids on Tuesdays?! It's bad enough that he sent Itachi on a mission, there was no one to watch his brother's temper!

"What a drag… remind me to not have Shikadai be watched by h-... nevermind, Deidara adores my son." Shikamaru still recalls the time Deidara created a clay deer for Shikadai to ride like a horse when he was smaller. Temari still has the photo hanged up somewhere in their house, same with Gaara.

"Exactly!" Naruto turned a sharp right through the rebuilt Uchiha compound, barely dodging Madara who was turning the same corner. Sliding open the familiar door, Naruto barreled down the hallway, "Deidara-nii, please don't kill… oh."

Shikamaru slammed face first into Naruto, "Ow… why did you- oh…"

In the living room of Itachi and Deidara's house, on the couch was Menma, curled up in a ball in Deidara's lap and fast asleep. Deidara was also asleep, one hand resting on Menma like he would to a cat, and head tilted backward. The subtle twitching of his free hand was the only indication that the older blond was even alive.

The Nara smirked, nudging Naruto teasingly, "You were worried for nothing."

"Right…" Naruto slowly walked towards the sleeping duo and carefully removed his brother's hand from Menma. Keeping a sharp watch on Deidara, he picked up Menma and had Shikamaru wrap the boy's arms around his neck for support.

The boy stirred, "Tou-chan…?" The groggy pre-teen turned his head towards his father, slowly blinking away sleep.

Naruto smiled softly at his son, using some of Kurama's chakra to create a comforting cloak of chakra around them, "Hey… go back to sleep, we can talk afterward, dattebayo."

Menma hummed sleepily and nuzzled his face in his dad's neck, "Uncle Deidara is a nice guy…" Without protest he was fast asleep once again, giving the two adults the chance to leave the house.

 _The next day_

"Yamanaka Inojin, Akimichi Chocho and Nara Shikadai will be with Sarutobi Mirai." Shino read the list as the dark haired female entered the room. Waving her new team over, the genin shuffled out of their chairs, walked around Naruto and exited the class with their new sensei.

Menma smiled slightly at the sight of his dad sitting in a chair watching each team leave, "Man I hope we get an awesome sensei."

Shino cleared his throat, "Uchiha Sarada, Uzumaki Menma, and Mitsuki… oh…" Shino slowly looked at Naruto, making everyone in the room straighten up. Was their sensei going to be the Nanadaime Hokage? "Will…" Why was Shino-sensei sweating? "Will be under-"

"Aburame-kun, did you REALLY think I would let my adorable niece, nephew, and godson be in the hands of Konohamaru, un?" All hearts stopped.

Menma let out a soft groan, "Noooooo…. We're so dead…"

The classroom door slid open and Deidara entered the room. Black trench coat hugged his frame with the buckled collar strapped up, and the tail flaring out with the wind. The only thing not black on his person is the familiar red ruby ring happily resting on his left ring finger. This wasn't casual Deidara, who prefers loose clothing and a casual posture, this was the ANBU captain who ruled the shinobi with an iron fist…. And he was their sensei.

They were screwed.

"Hello darling chibis, let's put you three to the test. I have a special one just for Team 7, un." Turning on his heel, the three genins could have sworn they heard a bell in his clay pouch.

As they walked out of the classroom, Naruto let out a laugh that was a mix of a whine and a chuckle, "Ohhh boy, do I remember that with Kakashi-sensei… good luck guys."

What did they get themselves into?

* * *

 **The final side story: Deidara rage quits (Takes place during the Boruto Chunin exam arc… yes… I watched some scenes of that for this)**

I watched the chunin exam fights with an interest level that ranged from mild to none-at-all, with the exception of Mitsuki's fight against Gaara's adorable chibi, Shinki as those two truly had skill levels that could one day rival our own. Minami and Shisui sat next to Itachi and me, both plotting their future punishment for Menma. The damn brat did something to cheat in his match against Shikadai and I was more than happy to want to join them in the fight. After all, I'm his sensei and he disrespected me and my teachings by pulling a cheap trick… and getting caught. Seriously, he's a shinobi, shinobi do not get caught.

"Oh, so this is the one with the strongest chakra…"

My ear twitched at the unfamiliar voice and I lifted my head… and instantly felt rage bubble inside me. Why are there more of them...?

A small pale man with long white ponytail and horns rested on the shoulders of a larger man who had a matching color scheme. My ears began to block out sound as they introduced themselves… Otsutsuki Momoshiki and Kinshiki… they're related to Kaguya… and they are trying to hurt my brothers. One of them is destroying the arena while the other just kicked Naruto in the face… How am I to respond to this?

"Kaa-san!" I was snapped out of my thoughts as Minami yanked me into the arena with her brother and Itachi. The pale-ass duo was focused on Naruto, Momoshiki almost looked bored of the whole thing.

"Let's end this quick-"

"I am so fucking done with this bullshit, un!"

"What the-" But Momoshiki was cut off when a bomb was thrown at him. Of course, when the smoke cleared, he was unscathed.

I was already in the process of making a dragon, "I swear to Kami, I am going to rip both of you apart, and place your heads on spikes so I don't have to deal with your FUCKING CLAN ANYMORE!" The smaller man stood there blankly, not sure if he was unimpressed by my temper or his brain stopped working due to my vulgarity, "I already know for a FACT that you both are weaker than fucking Kaguya, and the fact that you two barged in this goddamn exam where my goddamn nephew fucking cheated his goddamn fight…" I inhale and allow my dragon to poof into max size, "PISSES ME OFF JUST AS MUCH AS YOUR STUPID FACE AND YOUR DAMN HORNS LOOK LIKE PUPPY EARS!"

Shisui slowly raised his hands to attempt to defuse my anger, "Kaa-san, how about we don't lose our control-"

My hair began to float as per expected, "Shisui, if you and Minami do not get your asses on that dragon, I SWEAR I WILL-!"

"Right, Kaa-san! On it!" Minami gave me a salute then grabbed her brother's arm, "Just do what he says Shisui, you know he needs our chakra for this…"

"B-but, Minami- we- I mean- Kaa-san is- but- Oh… forget it." Shisui bowed his head in surrender as he was dragged onto the dragon. Kinshiki made a move to head towards the clay creation, but he was thrown back by Itachi's Susano-o. That alone was enough to entice everyone in the area to let out their strongest forms to attack, causing the entire arena to be swarmed in overwhelming chakra.

"Well, this is fascinating… so much chakra in one area… the perfect place to grow the tree…" Momoshiki raised his hand and creates a… well, it looks like a bijuu dama but I'm not sure if that's exactly the case. Naruto and Sasuke combined Kurama's chakra with Susano-o to block it, but the dark orb was swarmed in the black flames of Amaterasu, "How annoying…" With a flick of his wrist, the entire thing was absorbed.

"How the hell- oh… hell no… that's just…" I let out a gag seeing what appears to be an eyeball on Momoshiki's palm using my scope. Okay, and I thought I had issues with the palm mouths on my hands, this guy just went from an annoyance to a pretty Danzo in less than 2 minutes.

While the other Kages focused on fighting that Kinshiki fellow, everyone else was dealing with Mr. Ponytail over here. He absorbed every attack that was thrown at him… until I started dropping flaming bombs on him. The only problem? The bastard kept escaping all of these attacks virtually unharmed!

I rubbed my temples in frustration as I chewed on some clay to prepare a C4, "Man I hate this clan… stay up here for now, you two… have some popcorn hun, un." Giving the two a bucket of popcorn from out of nowhere, I jumped off the dragon and landing only a few feet away from Momoshiki. I spat out the glob of wet clay and casually crunched it in my hand. For some reason, he stared at me, and then his eyes shifted slightly and his face slowly morphed into fear, "What? Afraid I'm going to mess up your hair, pretty-boy, un?" Honestly, I'm the least threatening person here, why does he look like he's about to piss himsel-

"Now Deidara, I thought we had an agreement? You would only call the women in your lives and your husband 'pretty'."

And, there goes my ego.

Looking over my shoulder, Madara stood behind me with his rinnegan glaring at the Otsutsuki clan members. His face hasn't aged a day since the war, must be an effect of temporarily becoming the Sage of Six Paths but he's only gotten stronger since.

Kinshiki all but teleported to Momoshiki's side, "Momoshiki-sama… that's…"

"Uchiha Madara…" Momoshiki grit his teeth as he took a graceful step back. Wait how do these bastards know about Madara? "We will retreat for now…"

"I think not." Madara tugged his gloves tighter, causing the material to whine under the tension, "It's been a while since I had an opponent that was actually a challenge… let's dance, shall we?"

Momoshiki flinched back, preparing to fly off when Madara stood in the way of his flight path, "Fine, when we kill you we will take the Kyuubi's chakra from this plan-" But he never got to finish that breath, for a pure white… spear-like object penetrated through his chest, turning his white clothes crimson with blood.

"It is your fault that my son was unable to have his match… and it is your fault for causing Nii-sama such distress." Kimimaro rested his head on Momoshiki's shoulder, blankly looking into the pale eyes as he watched the man cough up blood, "You can absorb chakra… but it seems you cannot fight against physical attacks. My bones are made from the highest density levels of calcium, you will die."

"H-How…"

Kimimaro blinked once, then looked at Madara, "Madara-sama's chakra overwhelmed my own presence. Your confidence in yourself hindered your abilities to use the byakugan right. You bring shame to such a beautiful kekkei genkai, I would know, my husband has them and they are stronger than yours." Ouch… aren't the Otsutsuki clan members hailed as gods or something like that?

"Momoshiki-sama!" Kinshiki's fingertips glowed red as he prepared to strike Kimimaro, but a matching bone blade suddenly protrudes from his own chest. Huh… did Kimimaro use a clone? Also Madara, please stop pouting, it doesn't look good on you.

"Tou-san, did I do this right?" I blinked a few times seeing Hakaku's tiny face pop up besides Kinshiki's imposing figure, smiling brightly at Kimimaro. His byakugan sparkled like pearls, "I think I hit his heart! Or was it his lungs…? Tou-chan, did I hit his heart?" Wait, I thought Kimimaro was Tou-san- oooohhhh, Neji.

"Hakaku! I just had that outfit washed, don't get it covered in blood!" Neji was bolting over to the arena, pulling the boy away from the Otsutsuki before blood could get on his light blue shirt, "But you did hit the heart, but you will need to learn how to use both of your kekkei genkai in combat."

"Yessir!" Hakaku chirped before hugging Neji's side, my anger almost instantly deflating at the cute sight.

Momoshiki gargled on his blood, "You… will… regret…" His eyes rolled to the back of his head and the alien fell to the ground dead.

"No, I think we won't regret this." I hummed happily as Kinshiki also fell dead, "Now… I'm done with this whole thing. I'm going to go home, take a bath, and have a nice cup of hot tea, un." As if that was the signal to get down, my children appeared beside me. Giving them quick nods, I headed home with Itachi slowly following suit.

 _Meanwhile, with everyone else_

 **3rd person POV**

Menma's mouth was hanging open from what he had just seen. His dad was actually powerful, his cousin just helped kill someone and his uncles were… more terrifying than he thought, "Did… Uncle Deidara just… rage quit? OW!" He rubbed his head slightly as Naruto just whacked him on the head.

"If Deidara-nii rage quit, he would have blown himself up… no, that was just him losing his temper." Naruto raised a sly eyebrow at his son, "Plan on obeying him now, Menma, dattebayo?"

Menma shivered, "Yes…"

"Good… now, about the cheating…"

 _Back with the Uchiha family_

 **Deidara's POV**

After drying my hair I made my way into the living room where the others were already getting comfy. Minami and Shisui had changed into their pajamas while Itachi stuck to sweats and a T-shirt, my own outfit was some cotton pants and a soft kimono top. Nudging my son with my foot I sat down next to them and grabbed the remote, temporarily ignoring the tea in front of me, "Movie time?"

"Hn."

"Fine, Minami can pick, un." Damn Uchihas…

One hour later

Running a hand through Shisui's hair, both twins had fallen asleep on us halfway through the movie. I was also feeling my eyelids beginning to drop, doesn't help that Itachi makes the best pillow.

"Do you regret… anything, Deidara?" I blink away the sleep when I feel soft fingers interlace with mine. Itachi was looking at me, also looking somewhat sleepy… it was a good look on him.

Sighing slightly, I look down at the twins sleeping on us, "Some things… Jiraiya being the biggest one… and sure, I wish I could have given these two a younger sibling to tease but… nah…" Snuggling next to my Uchiha, I feel him press the power button to turn off the T.V.

"I wouldn't trade this life for anything, un…"

* * *

 **I didn't know how I wanted to kill Momoshiki and Kinshiki… but then my brain told me to use Kimimaro and his son, and I agreed with my brain. Also all of the photos Deidara's ever taken have finally found their resting place in an album for Deidara to share with his family... also that rage quit tho. XD I knew Deidara would snap at the sight of those guys and I just allowed my mind to blank out... and I ended up with that beauty of a rage.**

 **Now for the sentimental stuff.**

 **So, as many of you know, I made this story because I was tired of all of the SI stories out there that either did nothing to the plot, were discontinued, or the SI was reincarnated as Sakura. I wanted to make something that** _ **I**_ **wanted to read, and that is what I have been doing since chapter 1… and I honestly never expected the story to grow into this. I didn't plan on having Deidara marry Itachi, or saving characters like Karin (originally, I was going to kill her), or even make the bonds that I did. Hell, I was going to have Deidara JOIN the Akatsuki originally after a few chapters and let them win because... why not? This story is what made me hate Sasuke less, made me see more sides of Sakura besides useless, and also made me appreciate Naruto's character more… and frankly the Sasuke part is what shocked me, I've** **HATED** **him for YEARS now, but all it took was for me to write the precious little ducky and now… I hate him less.**

 **But I'm so happy with how this turned out and I'm so grateful for the support you guys have given me. This went from a "Meh… no one is going to read my trashy writing…" to gleefully smiling every time I got an email telling me someone reviews, or began following the story. Some of my favorites moments from you guys was whenever I got a new reader that mentioned how they normally don't read SI stories, or yaoi stories, or even started to like Deidara. As someone who wants to be a teacher, seeing people take risks and trying new things brings a smile to my face… so… I guess… thank you.**

 **I'm not going to write an SI story for a while, and if I do, the next one won't be from Naruto. My beta (who is my best friend) said that I should try a different anime or franchise so I can take a breather, because if I just jumped right back into Naruto, no doubt I would be repeating myself. I don't want that. If I'm gonna fuck with a plot, then I'm gonna make sure it's not going to be like this one. I'll most likely make another Naruto one someday, but not right now. I also won't be rewriting this story anytime soon.**

 **I am working on another fanfiction right now, a crossover between Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and Naruto. No SIs or OCs… just certain characters witnessing the FMAB plot and all of it's dark secrets. If you're interested, feel free to take a look. I'm still trying to grasp the idea of crossing over, but so far it seems to be turning out okay. But no fic is perfect by chapter one… I mean… look at this story. It was a bloody trainwreck in the beginning.**

 **As always, reviews are loved... I would say I will see you all next time but… this is the final chapter. I hope that I was able to inspire some of you to write your own stories, and to try out new fanfics that show up in this community.**

 **Bye! :)**


	54. Bonus chapter: Anniversary

**Hello lovelies! Guess who worked on a chapter to celebrate this fanfic becoming a year old? This consists of little snippets that because of running out to of time, not knowing where to put them in the main story, or just feeling like I did not have the writing skills, I did not write them during my original run. There are also a couple of run moments I added out of muses striking me.**

 **Also this contains the only omake for this story. Why is it an omake and not a side story? Simply put: It is optional to consider it canon to the fic or not. I don't but if you readers wish to consider it canon, go ahead.**

 **I can't thank you guys enough for the continued support you all have given this fic even with it complete and going as far as to support my current fic. I hope that this chapter is decent enough for you all. :)**

 **Warning: Language, violence, random antics and all the typical stuff you'd expect from this story.**

 **Disclaimer: I'm sure every fan wishes they own Naruto, but sadly we don't.**

* * *

 **Getting the Hyuuga's Blessing**

"Come on Naruto, it's just a bunch of old fossils, why are you so scared, un?" I patiently helped Naruto into his stylish orange kimono while he constantly rambled his thoughts and fears about today. Naruto and Hinata were finally 18 and my little brother wanted to ask for her hand in marriage. Sadly, it didn't matter if he was the hero of the Great Shinobi War or if he was the next Hokage after my husband, it didn't matter if they were truly in love with each other.

If those old Hyuugas don't like him then he would not be able to marry her and there would be nothing I could do to change their minds… without permanently removing them from this world that is.

"What if they don't like me, Deidara-nii?!" I held back in a groan as Naruto would not let go of this tension as we headed to the Hyuuga estate. Sasuke had met us halfway to give Naruto an encouraging pat on the shoulder but didn't follow us. What a wonderful wingman.

"I've never met a single person who has not liked you after being in the same room as you for five minutes. Just be the charming knucklehead that made Hinata fall in love with you, un." I patted his shoulder, mindful of the fact that he was getting weak-kneed.

"But- But Deidara-nii, Hiashi is a friendly guy but after what Kimimaro said about these guys-"

I flashed a smiling hand in Naruto's face, "They're all so far into their graves they may as well lay down in them. What really matters is Hiashi's approval and he's liked you for years now thanks to Hinata's growth. They'll all be dead by the time any kids will be born anyway. If I was able to get Fugaku-sama and Mikoto-sama's approvals despite being a man then it should be a walk in the park for you un." I turn my head to look at him as he was blocked by my bangs. Naruto stared at me with wide eyes before slowly nodding with a grunt.

Reaching the estate, Hiashi was already there waiting for us, "Early as always, Deidara?"

I shrugged with a smirk, "Madara-sama is watching the babies while we handle this, shall we head in, un?"

 **3rd person POV**

Naruto was on pins and needles as he followed Hiashi to the main room, "Nehh… Deidara-nii, what do I- uh, Deidara-nii?" He looked around in a panic as his brother seemingly vanished into thin air, "What the hell, dattebayo?!" His brother was in the area, he could sense it with nature chakra, but Deidara always seemed to know how to hide.

"We're here." Damnit, him and his luck. Naruto gulped nervously as he peered over Hiashi's shoulders. There were a fair number of elder Hyuugas, more than he thought were going to be there even if Hinata is the heir, "Uzumaki Naruto, you will sit there." Hiashi pointed at a cushion in the center of the room, becoming stiff as his father and many other main branch members were here to witness this moment.

Naruto awkwardly sat on the cushion, not sure how he is expected to sit and opted for the same position he sits when eating with his brothers, "Uh… nice to mee-"

"You are here to ask for the clan heir's hand in marriage, correct?" The head elder and Hinata's grandfather interrupted Naruto. When the blond nodded he continued to speak, "Under different circumstances, we would have allowed this. But because of Hinata's growth she still the heir even after all these years, what could you offer that would help the byakugan and the clan as a whole?"

Naruto paled as his mind raced to find an answer, 'What do I say?! Oh no, this is bad! Kurama, help!' But the fox only laughed at his host's misery, not once piping in to offer words of advice. The kit is smart, he'll figure it out.

Hiashi himself was also getting nervous, had Hanabi became the heir he would have approved of Naruto in a heartbeat. Kami knows the boy has already proven himself to be the perfect husband for his eldest child. But it seems without his brother being the embodiment of confidence and letting some of that latch onto the blond, things were not going to end we- where is Deidara anyway? Activating his byakugan, he scanned the estate for any signs of the bomber. He found his youngest daughter sparring with Neji and Kimimaro of course, many other clan members were waiting for the news regarding Hinata… and Hinata herself… heh…

The elders noticed Hiashi's ever-growing smirk and they quickly activate their own eyes as well to see what the current head was looking at. Naruto was oblivious to the whole thing and instead was trying to wrack his brain even more to find good reasoning. The entire time, he was unaware that everyone in the room was paling.

Deidara was in the same room as Hinata, drinking tea and chatting about random things. As if sensing that multiple eyes were on him, the Hyuugas watched Deidara's chakra silhouette turn his head in their direction and wave. The message was clear.

'Cheeky kid.' Hiashi held in a laugh. Of course, Deidara would spend time with Hinata. It was the perfect reminder to the elders that while they think they had the final say so... if Hinata wanted to she could marry Naruto with both the Hokage's and the entire village's blessing. Naruto wasn't brought here to actually ask to marry Hinata -despite what the genin thinks-, he was brought here purely out of respect for the clan and the girl in question. Deidara could have the wedding arranged without the boy even stepping a foot in this room.

Naruto finally came up with what he believed to be a good reason, "Um… Uzumaki chakra would help boost the abilities of the byakugan?" He stared dumbly at the Hyuugas, praying that it was good enough of a reason. He loved Hinata, she was the only one for him, but he doubted love would be a good enough of a reason, "I'm also being trained under Itachi to become the next Hokage so I can give her a comfortable life, dattebayo."

The elders had to regain their composure, "W-we-" damn their stutter, "That will be good enough reason. The Uzumaki clan's chakra will be invaluable to the byakugan… treat Hinata well."

The blond nodded fiercely, "Of course! I'll protect her with my life and love her with all my heart just like I've always had and more, dattebayo!" He blinked in confusion as the elders were quick to leave the room and he could hear Kurama all but die of laughter inside him, "What was that about?"

Hiashi sighed, "Don't worry about it Naruto. Your brother is going to watch Kimimaro and Neji train Hanabi, I'll go inform Hinata that the wedding shall be planned." The Hyuuga head stood up and left the room, leaving Naruto to sit there lost.

'Soooo… care to explain, Kurama?'

 **'Let's just say that you didn't need your brother to be in the room to get approval.'**

'Oh, so that was the right thing to say, dattebayo?'

 **'Sure kit… sure…'** Damn was this kid just precious.

 _Meanwhile with Deidara_

 **Deidara's POV**

"Deidara-san, you're so cruel sometimes." Hinata half-assed her scolding as I was dying of laughter on the floor, "... But thank you."

I shrugged after recovering from near-collapsed lungs, "If Kimimaro and Neji deserve happiness together, you two should also find happiness, un." I reach over and give Hinata a tight hug, "I cannot wait to call you my imouto."

 **Time to meet Danna!**

"Kaa-san~ Why do we have to wear this stuff?" A pouty four-year-old Shisui struggled in Itachi's grip as I applied on more and more sunscreen on the both of the twins. Not only that but I also dressed the two in airy clothing that Gaara recommended for the children.

"Because if I don't cover you two in sunscreen, you'll turn very pink. And pink hurts the skin, un." Shisui tried to give me the puppy dog look, but I quickly smothered his face with the cream before putting a hat on his head.

"Dei, are you sure they're old enough to travel to Suna with you?" Itachi adjusted Shisui's robes while I focused on Minami, "Most children never leave the village until they are genin or if their parents move."

"Sasori has been wanting to meet the kids for a while now, and we both know how much he hates to wait. I think he wants to get to them young so they don't inherit my style of art, un." I rolled my eye. I had received a letter the other day from Sasori, it was a formal invitation for me and the kids, but I could almost here Sasori saying "brat, bring your other brats here or else." And how could I say no to my lovely Danna?

Itachi sighed but soon released his son, "Will you need anyone to escort you?" He paused and watched my visible brow raise, "Nevermind, you can watch yourself and Gaara will be there."

"Damn straight." I place a kiss on his cheek before picking up our bags, "We'll be home by tomorrow morning at the earliest, chibis, say bye to daddy."

"Bye, daddy!" The twins chirped in unison and to my utter gleeful enjoyment placed kisses on Itachi's cheeks. Oh, they're so adorable when Shisui isn't being a little tyrant of course.

Helping them onto my clay bird as they were too little to ride a chocobo, the bird flapped its powerful wings to take off into the sky and headed east for Suna.

 _One ride later_

Maybe bringing two 4-year-olds was a bad idea…

"Mommy are we there yet? Why is there so much sand? Do the people in Suna fight with sand like you with clay? Is it always hot here? Are we there yet, mommy?"

Minami has been a bubbling pile of questions the entire flight, nearly giving me whiplash with how many times she would run around the massive bird. Shisui seemed pleased with just sitting in my lap and away from the sun since I was wearing Itachi's Akatsuki hat. I love my children but I cannot wait to relax and catch up with Sasori.

"Minami, please sit down. It's a desert and they have a lot of sand, Gaara-kun fights with sand, deserts are always hot and yes we are there, un." I allowed my lips to curl into a grin when Minami jumped for joy before squishing herself next to her brother to sit in my lap like I'm a cuddly palm tree. Though now I'm the one close to overheating, with two sets of fire chakras cuddling with me and the fact that I insistently wear my black trench coat, I was thankful Naruto invented cooling seals so I didn't die.

How I've not died from stubbornness yet, I'll never know.

We landed with a harsh thud as I still was not used to the sand, helping the kids off the bird, I was greeted with the familiar red panda, "Gaara-kun!" As per usual, Gaara stood perfectly still as I bolted in his direction and tackled him in a tight hug, lifting him up despite his gourd weighing as much as I did, "Did I ever tell you how much I love that I can do this every time I see you?"

"I never minded it." Gaara returned the hug and looked to Minami and Shisui when I removed myself from him, "They're starting to look like you two. I'm sorry Sasori was demanding you show up so suddenly."

I felt my chest puff out with my large ego at the praises for my kids, "It's alright." I motion for the twins to walk over here, though they were having trouble because their feet sank into the sand, "I... didn't think that through…"

I bent down and scooped up Minami while Gaara took it upon himself to pick up Shisui. Neither child complained as they got free rides and we walked over to a relatively large house in comfortable silence. I had to rely on Gaara the entire time as a guide, I still could never figure out how to sense things through sand and it gets irritated every time I visited.

Gaara set Shisui down, "Sasori is in there. I'll be in my office if you needed anything." Looking down, we both notice the kids staring up at Gaara expectantly, "... Just this once." The sand around him wrapped around his ankles and he was soon lifted into the air on a giant sand cloud and flew off. The kids almost instantly had a blast watching that and cheered when he was lifted off the ground.

Giving the door a gentle push, it swung open with relative ease. I quickly took off my shoes and the kids did the same. With a single step on the stone flooring, I got a mental map of the entire building, along with the location of a certain puppet.

Walking up the stairs, on the first door on the right, I wave the twins to stand out to the side. It's not every day I get to let out my inner Disney and this will be a good time to startle Sasori, who hasn't sensed our presence. Time to scare the puppet!

Tilting my body back and raising my left leg, I shot it out to kick open the door, "Haha! Boom baby- shit!" I had to bend my body to a full crab pose to dodge a poisoned kunai that aimed for my chest, "Really Sasori-no-Danna? What if that hit me, un?!"

"I have the antidote, you should know to not sneak up on people after living with Uchihas." Sasori didn't even look up from his puppet to ensure if I was okay, "Your children were not in any danger, I'm more terrified of the consequences of hurting them than hurting you, brat."

"Tch, asshole. I'm feeling the love here." I push my legs up to do a sorta flip back onto my feet, "Care to stop messing with your oversized dolls and say hi to the twins you oh-so-wanted to meet, Danna, un?" I once again had to dodge a kunai.

Sasori slowly turned his head to look at the twins, who at that point hid behind me, "They look like Itachi." He stated matter-of-factly and stepped away from his puppet, "Hello, I am Akasuna no Sasori."

Minami's eyes went wide, "But I thought your name was Sasori-no-Danna?"

I smacked a hand over my mouth to swallow a snicker, hearing Minami's tiny voice say that was a bit too much for my brain, "H-honey, that's just what I call him."

Shisui crossed his arms and glared at Sasori, "Well we met, can I go spend time with Uncle Gaara?" Gee, guess who doesn't find puppets to be cool. That or the kid was smarter than he acts and knows what Danna means...

I bopped Shisui on the head, "Be polite, you'll get to spend time with panda when we are all done visit- MINAMI NO!"

Both my hand and Sasori's hands reached out and grabbed Minami by the arm before she could touch Sasori's puppet, I don't know what's worse. The fact that he decided today to work on weapons or the fact that Minami willingly went to a puppet to touch it!

"But it looks so cool! Can I learn how to make puppets?" Minami's eyes sparkled with interest at the creation, "Please kaa-san? Please…" She pauses, before making her eyes extra sparkly, "Danna?" I could hear Shisui nearly dying at the doorway.

My hands slowly traveled up to my face, cupping themselves over my mouth and nose, in the process, I released a sound that sounded like a deflated balloon as Sasori and I stared her down. She's too cute. She's too cute and she knows for a fact that she is cute, but now she's calling Sasori "Danna" as well… ohhhh boy, Itachi is going to have to give her a long talk after this.

"I don't take apprentices… and I can tell that your fighting styles would not be suitable for puppetry, especially with your Uchiha bloodline." Sasori wasted no time in crushing her dreams right then and there, "But when you are older and if you still have an interest, I'll send Deidara kits for you to learn how to make poisons."

Hah! Even Sasori can't resist my kids!

I had a clone pick up Shisui and sent him to Gaara's house since he obviously hates Sasori based on his chubby-face glare. Minami seemed content with just watching Sasori work on his puppet… under the rule that I make her wear gloves, goggles, face mask, apron, duck tapped her sleeves against her arms, tucked her legs under her robes and stay at least 2 feet away from the work table… Yes, I am positive that there is still a child under all that gear. By the time we agreed it was time to leave, both kiddos were passed out.

"They're less like brats than I thought they would be." Sasori mused to himself blankly while watching me put them on the clay bird to return home, "You know you can always stay the night in Suna."

I stared at him like he's gone nuts, "I cannot sense a goddamn thing in this village and I have little to no trust in this sand. Nooooooo thank you, un." Hopping onto the bird, I gave Sasori a wave and took off, knowing fully well that I would not be getting any sleep tonight.

 _That following morning_

Minami stood in front of me the next morning, cheeks puffed out in annoyance, "Kaa-san, I didn't get to say bye to Danna!" She stomped her food as if that would prove her point.

A very un-Uchiha like sound escaped Itachi's nose as he nearly snorted his tea, recovering he stared at me with kicked puppy eyes, "Really Dei? Why is she calling Sasori that word?"

"Don't look at me, Sasori didn't correct her, un." I shrugged, kissing him on the cheek as I handed him a napkin to clean his nose, "Itachi, you're going to have a runny nose if you snort your tea…"

A hand slowly went up to Itachi's face as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "Well… as long as she doesn't call me that by accident… I can tolerate it. It's not like Sasori shows up in Konoha often, the people are still not fond of most of the former Akatsuki."

"They'll see things differently when the old farts die out, un."

 **Dating**

 **3rd person POV**

"Heeeeyyyy Shisui! Can I-"

"Before you ask Tatsuo, the answer is no." Shisui blankly stared at his reluctant childhood friend.

The boy had grown to look like a perfect mixture of his mother and father, but taking his fashion sense from his uncle Haku. Hakama type pants with a kimono top, a peculiar scroll seemed to always be strapped at his hip now, though no matter how much Shisui asked all he would get would be a shrug. His bright orange hair hung to his shoulder with some of it in a half-pony, barely an hour has passed and at least 5 girls have asked if he was in a band… the hell does long hair have to do with being in a band?

Tatsuo threw his arms into the air, "What?! I haven't even asked anything yet!"

"Were you going to ask to marry my sister?"

"No!"

"..."

"...I was going to ask if I could date her."

"No." There was no hesitation in his voice as he kept on walking, "I'm not going to let her date someone like you."

"Come on, what's so bad about me?" Tatsuo easily caught up with Shisui to interrogate the Uchiha, "Is it my hair? Where I'm born? Is it the teeth?" He gave Shisui a wide grin, "It's totally my teeth, isn't it? I can't change it, I'm blessed with my father's looks."

Shisui's eye twitched, "It's not your teeth!" It was sooooo the teeth, "I just don't think Minami should be dating anyone… besides, I'm not the one you should ask that question to, Tatsuo."

"Oh, I already got your mother's permission." Shisui had to stop himself from tripping over his own feet, "I just wanted to get your permission too." Tatsuo let out a dramatic sigh, "But since you keep saying no… I'm just going to go ask her!"

"Good luck with tha- wait, NO!" Too late, Tatsuo was already bolting off in the direction of Minami, "Tatsuo! Get back here and don't talk to my sister!" Shisui was fast, but he was still working on his body flicker technique that he had mastered in his past life… but again, he was still fast.

"Hi Minami, I was wondering if you and I could possibl- GAH!" Before Tatsuo could even finish his sentence, Shisui barreled him down to the ground, firmly placing his forearm on the back of the Kiri shinobi's head, "Fo... fhan nah pfate*!"

Minami slowly blinked at her brother and her close friend, half-eaten dango stick sitting in her mouth as she tried to translate the code, "A date? Hmmm… Kaa-san did say I could date when I become a jonin…" She rested her chin against her hand while Shisui stared at her with pure betrayal, "You'll need to prove your worth first, I'm only going to date someone who can stand their own against me in a battle."

From the earth, Tatsuo hummed a tune of agreement while also presenting a thumbs up. Pressing both hands on the ground, he ungracefully threw off his buddy and spat out the dirt in his mouth, "Yuck… think I ate an ant…" Getting up and brushing himself off, Tatsuo eyed Shisui before blinking and started to jump around like an overactive puppy, "When do we fight?"

There was a long silence after that, the only sound was Minami chewing the sweet dessert that was her dango. With a gulp and a happy sigh, Minami jumped from her seat and winked in the direction of the boys, "Now." Without much thought, she pulled out a smoke bomb from her pocket and threw it to the ground, rushing outside the shop with her sharingan activated.

Shisui easily followed, having activated his own sharingan, "Really sis? Why are you giving him a chance?!"

Minami shrugged, "I think he's sweet. Kaa-san did say that the best kinds of guys are comparable to sweets, and he reminds me of mochi: full of potential and requires you to hit it a dozen times before it's juuuuuust right." She kissed her fingers the same way their mother would when making something foreign, an "Italian chef kiss" as he calls it.

"But you hate mochi!"

"And it's fun making it with Aunt Hanabi!"

Kami help him. Shisui let out a groan as his sister lead them to their usual training grounds. As soon as Tatsuo's chakra entered the area, a thick mist caked the land. The Uchiha twins had to duck as the Kubikiribōchō came swerving above them and catching a tree, Tatsuo landing on the hilt just like his father taught him.

Finally inherited Zabuza's sword? "Sushi, stay out of this, I want to see him at his full power."

Grumbling, Shisui obeyed and sat in a tree, ready to pounce if he saw a single drop of blood on his sister.

 _One fight later_

Half of the training ground was flooded while the other half was scorched to blackened ash. Shisui blinked in surprise as he watched his ginger friend flop to the ground with exhaustion, his sister barely had a scratch on her though she was also breathing somewhat heavily. Guess it really did pay to be trained under someone like Madara.

Tatsuo sighed, "Guess… there won't be a date huh…?" His voice oozed pure sadness as he looked at his hands, "Man… I trained so hard too…"

Minami hovered over Tatsuo with a victorious grin plastered on her face, tips of her dark bangs tickled the end of the ginger's nose, "I'll see you at 6, I like purple flowers." Standing straight and giving her twin her trademark loving smile, she walked off with a purposeful sway of her hips to return home, leaving both boys to stare at her in shock.

Shisui sat in the tree stunned at his sister's obvious flirtatious body-language, sure she developed their mother's confidence but flirting?! He blinked a few times before looking at the boy still laying on the ground, and his mind began to do a happy dance, 'That's got to scare him away now! Minami just kicked his ass in a spar! He'll go home and look for some Kiri woman and leave my sister alon-'

"I'm in love…"

Huh?

"The way her eyes lit up in the heat of battle, her body moving to the rhythm of her own heartbeat as she prepared to gut me alive! And her boldness!" Tatsuo threw his arms into the air like he was reaching for the clouds, "It was as if a war goddess graced her presence in front of me, demanding my respect and to show every ounce of my strength to gain her approval!" Tatsuo sighed lovingly as he allowed his arms to crash beside him in the earth. Suddenly, his head made a sharp turn to look at Shisui with a dopey grin, "I swear on my sword that I will marry her one day… She is the one."

Shisui's brain ceased all functions as he watched the Momochi boy walk away to plan his date. No… this wasn't the plan! He liked Tatsuo, one of his most trusted friends to be precise beside Itachi, but how the hell did he catch his sister's eye? Minami's never even looked at boys up until now… ugh… he needed help… sadly Itachi was on a mission and Madara doesn't care.

 **Deidara's POV**

I was busy preparing for a mission when I felt a face press against my back. Naturally, I knew Shisui had come home but I didn't expect him to come straight to me at this moment, "Yes baby?"

"Mfffffff! Mnhphpi hff a dfaft wif haf gfsfgr*!" The muffled gibberish was soon followed with my son making a sound that sounded like a mixture of a teenage boy getting a bad report card and just a singular note of distress. Honestly, it kinda tickled.

I couldn't help but chuckle as my son refuses to remove his face from my shoulder blades, "What's wrong with, Tatsuo-kun? He's a sweetheart and always has been, un."

Finally, I got a proper response, "But Minami shouldn't date yet! Especially not with some guy!" I had to hold back a smile as Shisui was going from a 5 to a 15 on the panic scale, "I mean have you seen him?! He has shark teeth! What if… oh Kami, what if he hurts her? Uncle Kisame's bitten me before when I poked his cheek and he wasn't even trying when I started bleeding!"

I roll my eye and finished up my packing, "Minami is strong enough to handle things herself, besides that Tatsuo is more like his Uncle Haku than he is like the other Swordsmen of the Mist when it comes to women. He and Minami like each other, right?" Shisui looked away from me, "Let them have this date, and if it doesn't work out… well, there's always Mirai, un." I let out my laugh as Shisui went pale at the idea. Okay, so it wasn't just Tatsuo he had a problem with but Minami dating in general. Oh well, he'll learn to accept this.

"But he's…" I made Shisui pause when my pointer and middle finger jabbed his forehead followed by a boop on the nose, "But…"

"No buts, she's the right age to test out the waters… besides…" I tap my foot on the ground, "If he tried to hurt her, I would know."

 _That night_

 **3rd person POV**

Shisui couldn't stop bouncing his leg as he impulsively checked the clock again for the 10th time in 5 minutes. He couldn't help himself! It was almost 10 o'clock and his sister was still on her date!

A quiet knock on the door made Shisui sprang up to his feet and run for the front entrance, he could hear his mother laughing his ass off in his bedroom but the teen ignored it. Without hesitation, he flung open the screen door and was greeted with a smiling ginger.

"Hi Shisui, sorry for being late. Minami uh…" Tatsuo adjusted his arms and Shisui quickly spotted Minami comfortably sleeping, being carried piggyback style. He blinked when he suddenly felt the weight off his shoulders and sharingan staring him down, "Woah, we just went for dinner, movie and then I showed her this cool lake where we spared and talked. She fell asleep on the way here."

Shisui blinked a few times, deactivating his eyes as he processed this information. Looking down at Minami, he happily noted the content expression on her face, "Thanks… Tatsuo…" Turning on his heel, Shisui went back into the house while the other boy gave him a soft smile and headed out of the compound.

Once in their room, Shisui laid his sister down on her mountain of pillows that he is forced to call a bed… seriously, her pillow collection could make 3 mattresses at this point. He turned to head to his own bed when a hand grabbed his wrist, "Yeah Nami?"

"He's nice… I really like him… He thinks my eyes are pretty…"

"Your eyes are beautiful sis, of course, he would think-"

"My sharingan. He said they were beautiful…" With a blissful sigh, Minami snuggled into her pillow party and fell back asleep, releasing her hold of her twin.

Shisui stood there for a moment, watching his sister sleep before returning to his own bed and hid under the covers. Most people that see her sharingan for the first time cower in fear or try to kiss up to her because of her Uchiha bloodline, never actually complimenting her eyes outside of usefulness. Maybe his sister dating someone wasn't too bad after all… even with teeth that look like could rip apart metal.

 **Omake #1: Time travel… sorta?**

 **Deidara's POV**

I slowly shuffled into my living room after a long hot shower, chakra depleted and my brain wanting nothing more than to shut down for the rest of the day. Today's mission was an absolute disaster. Naruto wanted me to train the new ANBU recruits but to also let them handle the mission. Why me of all people when I should be training Team 7? I'll never know. Needless to say, the entire squad got a bit too big for their britches and I had to take over to make sure no one died. Never again, I'll stick with training genin and leading professionally trained ANBU groups. Itachi can have the newbies. At least they listen to him.

I have to meet with Menma and the rest this evening, so I had dressed in a black kimono top with the Uchiha flag on the back, and the rest is just standard shinobi gear. I'll most likely be late, and the last thing I need is to forget my clay in a half-awake state.

Using what little chakra I had left I shuffled my feet against the floor to sense the area. Madara is at his house, Itachi, Obito, and the twins were nowhere to be felt within the compound… well, no point in pulling out the futon. With as much grace as a panda, I flop facefirst into my plush couch and relax my body. Finally, this is what I needed, some well deserve res-

"Kaa-san, check out this scroll Minami and I found on a mission!"

Out of pure maternal instincts, I shot my head up to look at my twins who seemingly materialized out of nowhere. They paused, most likely noticing my exhausted expression, "No… come on… show me what you found so I can sleep without worry, un…" I motion for them to approach so I can look at the scroll. Minami unraveled it for me to look at it, "Um… where did you two find this?"

Minami shuffled her feet, "We think it was the old tomb of Tobirama, we only found this because we had our sharingan on since it was hidden behind a bunch of seals. But we can't read this, can you?"

How could I? This was written in extremely cursive calligraphy, "No, I can't read this. I could barely read your father's handwriting when he was Hokage… go show this to Madara-sama, he may be able to read Tobirama-baka's handwriting, un." And with that, I slammed my face back into my pillow and was out like a light.

 **3rd person POV**

"Kaa-san does have a point, we should have asked grandpa Madara first…" Shisui took the scroll from his twin and headed out to the elder Uchiha's house. They've been there so many times that there wasn't any need to announce their presence, and Madara was almost always in the exact same place, "Grandpa Madara?"

Madara calmly sat on a large, smooth rock in his yard, meditating when he heard the sound of Shisui's voice, "What is it?" He opened his eyes and watch Shisui open the scroll to him, "You found a jutsu scroll?"

Minami nodded, "Yeah, but we don't know what it's for. Kaa-san doesn't know how to read it and we wanted to know what it may be for before we try to use it." She nudged her brother to hand the scroll to Madara, "We think it belonged to Tobirama."

"Of course Deidara doesn't know how to read calligraphy…" Madara took one glance at it and his face turned sour like a bad lemon was shoved in his mouth, "Oh this is Tobirama alright. I know this writing anywhere."

Minami's eyes lit up as she bounced at her spot, "What does it say?"

"I said I know this is Tobirama's handwriting, not that I could read it, that's how I know it's his scroll." Madara examined it, his eyes going from sharingan, to mangekyou, all the way to rinnegan, "Still cannot read this no matter the eyes… I swear this is how the First Great Shinobi war was started…"

Shisui snorted out a laugh at that comment before his face fell, "So, you don't know what it is?"

Madara shook his head, momentarily entrancing the twins with his hair and Minami's hand twitched at the sight of the fluff, "No, I know what it could possibly be. It's an incomplete jutsu that Tobirama was most likely developing shortly before his death, it seems to have a time limit. If anything, I would assume it was to help prevent the war in the first place…"

Minami's face scrunched up, "So… like time travel?" She winced when both males gave her odd looks, "Kaa-san and I like to read from his memories… it was his favorite type of-"

"No, I know what Deidara liked to read in his past life, you don't need to finish that sentence." Madara rubbed his face, still traumatized from all those years ago, "But in a sense… I believe so. Which is why it seems to have a time limit, Tobirama didn't want to stay in the past…" With hesitance, he handed the scroll back to Shisui, "Though… it seems like it won't work, or it will have a different effect… so if you plan on using it, be careful."

Shisui pocketed the scroll, exchanging smirks with his sister, "We will, we'll use the jutsu with Kaa-san nearby." Turning on his heel, Shisui bolted off to return home with his twin hot on his tail.

Madara sighed, "I doubt it'll have normal effects… oh well, they'll be fine. Deidara can scold them later." With a long inhale, Madara returned to his meditation.

Back at the house, Shisui laid the scroll out on the floor by his sleeping mother while Minami collected supplies just in case things go wrong, "Got everything Nami?"

"Yep! Medical supplies, rations, money, and extra weapons just in case." She happily patted her pouch which contained the scroll, "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be… what could we even change if it works?"

Minami paused at that, "Kaa-san already did so much…" She crossed her arms, "Hm… what about Jiraiya-sama? Kaa-san always said that was his biggest regret..."

"..." Shisui looked over at Deidara before sighing, "Let's hope it works then… maybe we'll even get to see everyone before Kaa-san converts them."

"You make it sound like Kaa-san is a cult…" The two had to smack their hands over their mouth to prevent a series of giggles to erupt, "Okay, let's do this before he wakes up. If this doesn't work as we hope then all we have to do is wait for the jutsu wears off then burn the scroll."

It took several tries, but by the 5th time decrypting Tobirama's handwriting, they got the right-hand signs. With one last look at each other, they slammed their hands on the scroll and a white light engulfed the three in the room.

 **Deidara's POV**

'Something doesn't feel right…' Call me crazy but I think I'm on the ground. I open my eye to see nothing but green… and my house doesn't do green, 'Yep… ground… Who do I kill?'

"What the fuck…" With a groan from a sore spine, I push myself up to a sitting position to look around, spotting Minami and Shisui out cold nearby. We're in a forested area that's for sure, but something felt off about these lands. Whatever, I just need to pump some extra chakra into my feet and look for Konoha- WHAT THE HELL?!

Where is the village?! Where are any of the villages?! There should be mass activity happening somewhere but all I feel are small pockets of people!

Fidgeting with my ring, I look to examine it. The sapphire was still glowing with Itachi's chakra but it was dimmer than normal, "Great…" Standing up, and having to pause to let the blood return to my head, I go to nudge the twins with my foot, "Minami, Shisui, wake up babies, un."

"Nngh…" The first to stir was Shisui, "Did we go back in time…?"

"Oh, we went back in time, way wayyyyyyy back in time. If you wanted to learn more about the Warring State era I could have just done some digging for you, un." I ended my sentence with a snort, "Honestly, how could my own children do something so stupid?"

"The Warring State?!" Shisui shot up, accidentally kicking Minami awake in the process, "That's almost a hundred years ago! We only wanted to go back 16!"

"Owww… Shisui you kicked my shoulder…" Minami stood as well, rubbing her shoulder, "How did we go back so far?"

I roll my eye, "Obviously the jutsu was made to go back to this time period, most likely Tobirama-baka wanted to change some things. I swear… what were you two thinking?! What if that jutsu had sent you back farther than this?! Do you even know if the jutsu can be reversed?!"

Minami flinched, backing up slightly, "It… it has a time limit, it'll wear off. We… wanted to save Jiraiya-sama…"

Jiraiya? They wanted to-? "Honey… that's not how time travel works…"

Shisui frowned, "But all those stories you read-"

"Are just that. Stories." I placed a hand on my chest, "I was able to change things because I am not the product of time travel, but because someone with powers equal to the Kamis restarted everything and added in a new variable. He basically created an alternate dimension, do you understand me?" The two bowed their heads, nodding, "Nothing we do here will change our time. Even if it did then the differences would have existed originally*. If anything, I'd bet your father's addiction to dango that this isn't even our dimension, un."

Minami snuck a peek at me, "Then… we just have to wait for the jutsu to wear off?"

"Well, it's best we at least figure out which clan's territory we're in. Our clothes have the Uchiha crest and you two look like Uchiha, it'll be a pain if we run into the Senju clan… If anyone asks, your mother was an Uchiha who died at birth, un." I pinched the bridge of my nose and did a once-over of the twins. Shisui looked too modern for this era and Minami… I don't even know if women fought during this time, "Hide your headbands."

Minami giggled and after hiding her headband hugged her twin's arm, "Does this mean I get to act like a princess?" She chuckled jokingly but batted her eyes daintily at us.

Shisui snorted and nudged her off, "Nami, I love you more than life itself but you are anything but a princess. A war princess maybe, but Minami-hime doesn't roll off the tongue now does it?" He skillfully dodged the blow to the head aimed at him.

I create two chocobos and hopped on one, "Comparing status of our time to back here, by all means, she is a princess. Being the heiress to the Uchiha name and the daughter of a former Hokage, not to mention my political position. A princess usually meant a wealthy man's daughter, un." At least that was the case in ancient Japan, no idea how the feudal system works in this world.

"In that case," With fluid movement, Shisui grabbed Minami by the waist and hoisted her up onto their chocobo, "please refrain from falling, Minami-hime."

Minami's face slowly went from confusion to a child that was told to eat their vegetables, "Please never do that again Sushi, or I will kick you."

Shisui chuckled and hopped on the bird in front of her, knowing that Minami has no sense of driving one of these, "Whatever you say, Nami."

I kept the birds to move at the same speed as a normal horse trot. Painfully slow for all three of us but in all honesty, I don't even know if we are in the Warring State era and I'd rather not create too much attention.

"Kaa-san, I just had a thought. Wouldn't chocobos cause unneeded attention since these birds don't exist?"

I am going to ignore my urge to slap my son upside the head, "If needed they make a fast getaway." The only real downside is I can't exactly sense much.

Oh hey, the Universe is still active!

Several men in bright red armor and one blue appeared in front of us, "State your names and your purpose for being on Senju territory!" A very familiar man with long, straight brown hair pointed at us in a semi-dramatic fashion that reminded me too much of Naruto.

Well… we found Hashirama and Tobirama, lovely. I cautiously placed a hand in my clay pouch to start eating clay when a voice from behind us shouted, "They're with the Uchiha clan!" I could also hear the sound of a sword being drawn.

There wasn't much thought put into my next actions. Flipping off my clay bird I land my leg right onto the Senju that shouted, not killing him but it was enough to knock him flat on his face into the dirt, "I would greatly appreciate it if fully grown men didn't draw their swords onto children, un."

"Children?" Tobirama stepped forward, "This is war, and those that are old enough to hold a weapon are soldiers, those two are anything but innocent kids." He pointedly ignored the glare he was receiving from his brother.

"Oh, I never said they were innocent, but we are not involved in this stupid, senseless fighting." I rested a hand on my hip and had the other hand mold clay, "An Uchiha kills a Senju, to avenge the fallen comrade another Senju kills 2 Uchiha. Then an Uchiha kills 4 Senju, someone kills children, someone kills innocent women and elderly. An endless cycle of blood that I thank every Kami out there that I have kept my children out of, un."

Hashirama perked up, finally noticing Minami having blue eyes, "Are they actually part of the Uchiha clan?"

Hmmm… to lie or not to lie… that is the quest-

"Our mother was an Uchiha who left the clan to escape creating war children. She met our father here and died giving birth to us." Shisui jumped off the bird and stood at my side, "We wear the clan mark to honor her, and we were planning on finding the clan so we could learn how to manage our eyes."

Hashirama's eyes softened at an instant, ah yes, the dead mom story always works on softies it seems. However Tobirama and a few other Senju were not thoroughly convinced, "A likely story, but even if you were telling the truth, we cannot let you go into Uchiha territory. You have seen too much."

"Shisui, help me down my butt is numb." Shisui twisted his body and helped Minami off the chocobo, "Thank you." Cracking her knuckles, Minami stormed over to Tobirama which made my anxiety spike up, "Listen here snow rabbit! None of us would be in this mess had you and your little lobster friends just kept to following us quietly instead of harassing us like we're wanted criminals! We are going to the Uchiha clan to learn how to use our eyes so we don't go BLIND thanks to stupid genetics and then we are going home because your stupid war is pointless! Just kiss and make up, make a stupid village, have everyone sing love songs and all that peaceful stuff, AND LEAVE US OUT OF IT!"

I had multiple theories in my head as to why Minami got angry so fast, one is because she's my daughter and thus has her mother's temper, or because of hormones. But my brain clung to only two things from that, "Snow bunny and lobsters?"

Shisui snickered behind me, "Albino fluffster and the men in red look like lobsters. I- uhhh…" I look back to the Senju to see Hashirama in an emo corner. Yes, babies, I am 100% positive that this is the future founder of Konoha and Shodai Hokage, Senju Hashirama.

"I've never been scolding and insulted at the same time indirectly by someone younger than me before…" Wow, Hashirama must not pay attention to his surroundings then.

With Hashirama's depression, Tobirama burst into a sigh, "You three will be coming with us and then we will discuss what to do with you."

My vision was blocked by my hand colliding with my face, "Or you could let us leave peacefully so we don't learn were your damn base is, un." Not like that meant anything, I could feel it less than half a kilometer away. It was so easy to sense things when the population is this small, I could even sense… oh, oh dear. This really is a different dimension.

Spinning around, I grab Minami and Shisui and yanked them to the ground, "Get down!" Tobirama was already casting a water jutsu when several mass fireballs barreled through the trees, clearing out a path pretty quickly. So this is how so many clearings exist in the current time!

Twice the number of Uchiha as there were Senju appeared in front of us, two of them being Madara and Izuna. I made sure that as I stood up and brushed off Minami and Shisui that their Uchiha symbols showed in their line of sight.

"So, you're resorting to kidnapping Uchiha, Hashirama?" Madara had his arms crossed, seemingly not afraid to talk bad to his rival.

Hashirama seemed to do a tally in his head, "Retreat, do not engage!" Clasping his hands together, wood sprang out from the ground to temporarily distract the Uchihas, giving the Senju enough time to flee.

"Tch! Hashirama! You coward!" Madara huffed in annoyance, snapping his head to look at us staring at this whole thing dumbly, "Explain yourselves."

I shifted my foot slightly to get a good feeling of everything, yeah, this was definitely a different Madara, he's slightly off, "I'm-"

"I could care less about who you are, as far as I can tell you're not from the Uchiha clan, I'm speaking to the other male."

What. an. Asshole.

Shisui patted my shoulder in sympathy, "It's okay, I got this…" He bowed deeply to Madara, "My name is Uchiha Shisui, the woman is my twin sister Uchiha Minami and the blond is our father Deidara. Our mother was a member of the Uchiha clan, but she died giving birth to us." As if sensing the Uchiha about to call bullshit on them being Uchiha, when Shisui stood tall and proud his sharingan was activated. Behind him, Minami also activated her eyes.

Izuna inclined his head at me which made me raise my hands up in mock surrender, "Don't look at me, I don't have the sharingan. I have enough kekkei genkais to deal with, un." The chocobos poof into a puff of smoke and returned to being mini figurines, which I simply pocket for later.

Izuna's eyes lit up in interest, "You can make animals?"

I slowly nodded, noting that Minami took a step closer to me, "Yes, Minami inherited my chakra nature along with the Uchiha bloodline. We were actually on our way to look for the Uchiha clan, un."

Madara took a step forward that I guess was suppose to be intimidating? Sorry, I got distracted by the wind making his hair move, "Why would you come looking for the clan? Choose your words carefully."

I paused, face going blank… and then I sneezed, "Gah… ow." I sniffled casually and nearly smirked when Madara's tough facade broke for a split second. I've known a different version of him since I was 16, calling him my father on occasion and honestly lost my fear of him when he kicked down his coffin and screamed Hashirama's name in a dramatic fashion, "As I was going to say, these two awakened their sharingan a couple of years back, and I felt it would be best for them to train with those who were masters, un."

The lies all fit together in a silly story. Minami and Shisui already mastered their sharingan, the mangekyou is nearly impossible in a time of peace but even if it happened, they can swap eyes. But as far as this Madara and the other Uchiha were concerned, I was just a simple father wishing for my children to survive a war-torn world. Heh… simple, that's funny.

Madara considered this, "You will be blindfolded for the journey, no one outside of the Uchiha bloodline can see the compound from the outside."

"Fair enough." I didn't make a move when an Uchiha tightly wrapped a cloth around my eyes, I didn't have my scope on me sadly, "Minami, I am putting my life in your hands, honey."

"Right." I could feel her internally dying at my helpless facade. Of course, I didn't need a guide, I could follow them blindly. But that would just cause more problems than what my pride was worth.

The walk took a while, but not as long since once Madara noticed I wasn't having any walking issues he began to experiment. First by slowly increasing the speed of his walking, then he ran, and within a few short minutes, we were all bolting through the trees like it was a race. The other Uchihas were struggling to keep up with Madara, Izuna, the twins and I, I almost pitied them. I'm supposed to be the "blind, helpless, not shinobi person" and here I am making them eat my dust.

The blindfold was only removed when we reached the Uchiha's land and holy shit there was a lot of sharingan staring at us. The background Uchiha vanished within the masses of other men while Madara led us to a more secluded area, "So you wish to train under Uchihas?"

Minami nodded, "We believe it would be the safest way to learn without harming ourselves. We learned some skills with Tou-sama-" Heh, so polite, "But not much, please be kind to us."

Madara smirked, and easily removed his armor, "Then show me what you two are capable of."

I sat next to Izuna while watching Madara fight with the twins, he wasn't even trying and was toying with them, avoiding giving out fatal blows. Despite acting like they have no idea what to do, Minami and Shisui moved like a machine, neither one moving without the other doing another thing to help. Most of the time, Minami focused on using explosive release while Shisui used his sharingan to predict the explosions and maneuver around them.

Izuna raised an eyebrow, "I thought you came here for them to train, they seem pretty good as it is. Did you train them?"

I hummed to myself, "Yes, because of my kekkei genkai they learned how to dodge and weave around attacks pretty quickly, un."

"How did they manage to awaken their sharingan?"

"A man attacked them and a friend of theirs unprovoked when they were younger. The man injured their friend and Minami awakened hers in a protective rage, Shisui awakened his out of fear that his sister would get hurt, un." There was no reason to lie about this, "When I realized that the Uchiha clan's eyes awoken under extreme stress, I made them work on relaxing their minds at all time and when I deemed them old enough we went looking for you guys, un."

Suddenly Izuna looked offended, "Why did you show no fear around Nii-sama?"

A scoff passed my lips, "Because my only fear is that one day I may not be able to protect the ones I love… Besides, you two are rather rude. You know our names but we do not know yours?"

"Seriously? You don't know us? Have you been living under a rock?" Wow, I forgot Izuna was a rude little brat!

"In a literal sense, yes, our house was made of stones." Oh man, he's sputtering, "You remind me way too much of one of my brothers." Indeed, Izuna and Duck-kun would be best friends.

Izuna huffed and looked away, only focusing on the sparring match in front of us, "I'm Uchiha Izuna and that's my older brother Madara, the leader of the Uchiha clan."

Madara stopped two blows aimed for him by grabbing Minami by the wrist and Shisui by the ankle, "I've seen enough." He releases them, making Shisui fall on the ground, "You two have a ways to go, but there is potential in your abilities, especially with mixed kekkei genkais… Deidara wasn't it? Show me your kekkei genkai this evening."

I shrugged, "Easy, un." I miss watching Madara make those odd choking noises, "But first… Shisui, can I look at the scroll?"

"Scroll?" My son stared at me with a dumb expression for a moment, "Oh! Yes." He scrambled to me and gave me Tobirama's scroll, "What are you-"

I brush my bangs away from my face, open the scroll and open my other eye, "I want to read- Holy- Kami, that is bright!" My eye nearly tears up at the sharp contrast in vision while looking at the white paper, "Okay… yikes, never doing this again."

Letting my eye adjust, I scanned the scroll to see if there was some kind of way to undo the jutsu. Let's see… it lasts for 12 hours… lots of kanji that I can't read… some more kanji that I can't read… screw it, "What were the hand signs?"

Shisui slowly showed me the hand signs, careful not to release any chakra and I nodded in confirmation, "Alright, let's try doing the signs in reverse." I mean it works with the edo tensei, why not an incomplete time travel-dimension hopping jutsu?

Madara bristled as he didn't recognize the jutsu we were seemingly trying to perform, "What are you doing?"

"Oh, we're from the future. About 100 years or so. You and Hashirama make a village and by the time my youngest brother takes over it, the world is almost completely at peace. Don't listen to plants, don't listen to anything involving the moon, keep your brother's ego in check… oh and please get laid, you're so uptight that it's easy to tip you over. Bye, un!"

With a blinding light, we vanished from that timeline.

 **3rd Person POV**

Madara stood there, staring at the ground where the strangers once stood. From the future? Impossible! But if it's true… then his and Hashirama's dream is real-

Izuna snickered, "You really should find a nice woman Nii-sama, you can be pretty uptight."

"My place is on the battlefield, not with a woman."

"... How about a man then?" He quickly ducked to avoid his brother's kick, "Nii-sama, is that just your way of agreeing with me?"

Madara's sharingan spun into mangekyou, "We're sparring. Now, Izuna."

 **Deidara's POV**

Once the light went away and I saw my house, all the photographs the same and not a single wrong chakra in my line of senses, I violently grabbed the scroll and headed for Madara's place with the twins in tow, "Kaa-san what are you doing?!"

"Tch…" Kicking open Madara's door, I storm over to the poofy-haired shinobi, "Got any new memories of me, un?"

Madara opened an eye, "No. It's only been a few minutes since Minami and Shisui showed me the scroll. What's the matter?"

I flung open the scroll so fast that it smacked him in the nose, "Burn this scroll. Destroy it so no can stupidly use this jutsu again, un." Madara and I had a staring contest, which ended with him slowly taking the scroll from my tense hands and leaving the compound to destroy one of the few jutsus I curse Tobirama for making.

Shisui let out a high pitched, nervous laugh, "W-Well, that fixes everything. U-um, Minami, how about we go train our cousins?" But before they could run away, I grab them both by the back of their collars, "S-sorry, Kaa-san, we truly wanted to go back to help Jiraiya…"

"Again, no matter how good the intention, you cannot change the past when it is already written out, un." I let out a low growl, "When your father gets home, you two are so grounded."

 _Two hours later_

"One month training genin in Amegakure and if they are unable to pass even the first round of the upcoming chunin exams, another month being restrained genjutsu by Madara and taijutsu by Rock Lee with genin level chakra." Itachi stood next to me with the disappointed dad look as he spoke out the twin's punishments. Minami and Shisui were staring at us in horror at the mention of Amegakure, as much as they love their aunt Konan, they cannot fight in the rain to save their lives. I fondly remember taking them to Amegakure after becoming genin and they always seemed to manage to step in a puddle of fall into one. Minami's hair made it even more difficult.

The two opened their mouths, but only an airy noise was made. Their heads bowed low and they slowly shuffled into their rooms, accepting their punishment and seemingly preparing themselves more for Madara and Rock Lee than the genin, "You know you could have just stuck with the retraining, un."

"Perhaps, but they need to learn responsibility and it gives them the chance of redemption without making it be a full punishment." Spoken like a true Hokage, "Dei, I saw that brand of tea you favor in the market, shall we go?"

"Sure!" Hugging Itachi's arm affectionately, I followed him to the busy streets of Konoha. If the past could change, we would have seen it in this timeline and not new memories being made. My mistakes are my own and the twins do not need to fix them for my sake… but I also can't help but love them more for taking Jiraiya into consideration.

* * *

 **Believe it or not, I spent over a week working on a different version of the omake where the time travel/dimension hopping went to Shippuden, but I hated how it was turning out and redid it… total pride killer there. But I love it and how it turned out, just a nice little story to read. And yes, it was a dimension hop.**

*"Go... on a date!"

*"Moooooooommmmm! Minami has a date with that ginger!"

*I'm going with the HP version of time travel where the present is just what the future you already changed, so you don't know what the original looks like.

 **I highly doubt I'll post anymore chapters, I have so many different projects in mind that I'm just happy to give you all this little anniversary present. I'm even working on a 3rd fic at this moment that will be released when One Year is at its final stretch.**

 **Again, thank you guys so much for your love and support, this fic would have not been the same without your inputs. If anything, the story could have been much more different if no one read it. So… yeah, thanks. :3**

 **Bye!**


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